Original subtitles

Ha ha ha!

Baby, janine got all of our

Wedding pictures together and

Made me this wedding album.

See?

Oh, and look at me and your

Father.

Aw, you look cute.

Pops looks drunk.

Calvin, please.

He's not drunk. He's happy.

Happy for what?

Happy for what? You moving out?

I hope sooner than you think.

I'll bet not sooner than I

Hope.

Baby, where is our marriage

Certificate?

It's supposed to be right here

On this page.

I can't find it.

I don't think we ever got

One, baby.

What do you mean, we never

Got one?

I don't remember.

I was drunk.

Hee hee!

I was all over the place.

Hey, you lucky I married you

Instead of that cake.

Hmm, that was the bomb cake,

Too.

Curtis, we must have a

Marriage certificate.

Oh, ella, please, baby.

Come on.

We don't need no certificate,

Unless I got to take you back

For repairs.

Please, curtis.

It's important to me.

All right, baby. Okay, okay.

Look at this.

I'll call cousin fred.

Right. Call fred.

He performed the ceremony.

I'm sure he has a copy.

Yeah. Fred.

What's up, cousin? Ha ha ha!

Tell him I said hey.

Yeah. Ella say, "What's up?"

Yeah. Lookit.

Your cousin curtis.

Hey, yeah. I was just--

Ella is bugging me about these

Getting-hitched papers, man.

You got a copy of them?

Tell him to overnight them.

Yeah. Huh?

Oh, okay. Okay. Sure.

Ha ha! That right, boy.

Oh, I got it. All right. Okay.

Hit you up later.

He's a darn fool.

Ha ha ha!

Whoo, that boy.

No, he crazy.

Ha ha ha!

All right, baby.

Curtis...

Yeah?

What'd he say, baby, about

The certificate?

Oh, he said we're not

Married.

So, you're telling me our

Marriage was not legal?

That's right.

But there were witnesses, and

I have photos, and I signed the

Marriage license, baby.

But fred didn't.

What?

Well, baby, it turns out that

Fred wasn't qualified to marry

Or bury.

Okay, curtis.

Why did he perform our ceremony?

Baby, cousin fred's

A mysterious man.

He's always crazy.

Curtis, this is not funny.

So, what, we've been living in

Sin for 30 years?

You know what, curtis?

We just need to go down to city

Hall and get remarried.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

Whoa, whoa.

Hold on. Hold on, shirley.

Hold on.

Baby, we don't have to rush into

Anything.

What do you mean, rush into

Anything?

We need to go and make our

Marriage legal.

I'm a god-fearing woman.

I don't want to go to hell over

A technicality.

See, there you go.

There y'all go.

That's how you messed up.

What, baby?

Baby, that's how ladies scare

Away good men.

You always end up talking about

Marriage and technicalities and

Legality and hell.

Guy don't want to talk about

All that.

Maybe I'm not ready for

All that.

Oh, please, curtis.

I just need to take it

Slow, baby.

Let's take it slow.

Curtis--

Boundaries, ella, boundaries.

Curtis payne--

Curtis payne--

Ella williams--

Ella, I think we should

Date first.

So, maybe you should ask me out.

If you don't stop playing

With me, I'm gonna knock

You out.

Come on, baby.

Just ask me out. Come on.

Curtis, fine. Okay.

You know what?

Do you want to go out?

How you gonna hook a man

Like that?

Come on, ella. Come on.

Put your heart in it.

Act like you want to go out

With me if you want to go out

With me.

Come on.

Okay, curtis.

Do you want to go out, please?

Can you make it real?

That was a little fake.

Come on, baby.

Just make it sweet.

Is that so hard to do?

Okay.

Sweet.

Curtis, do you want to go out

With me?

I can't. I'm busy.

You play too much.

Single women love that.

Well, do you know what else

Single women love?

Single women love not having to

Go grocery shopping.

Single women love not having to

Put the toilet seat down.

Oh, and, curtis, they love not

Having to wash your dirty

Drawers.

Oh, please.

You make it sound like we

Roommates or something.

Exactly. That's it, curtis.

We're roommates, okay?

Let's just take it slow, see how

This thing goes, hmm?

Look here.

Quit playing, all right?

We're gonna take it slow after

You make me something to eat,

Because I'm hungry, all right,

Baby?

Ha ha!

And that's another thing we

Single women don't like.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Boundaries, curtis, boundaries.

Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Oh! Pops, look at this place.

Yeah. I know.

Your mother has really let

Things go.

Yeah. Smells like you let

Something go.

Come on.

Aren't you guys getting a little

Silly about this?

It's a technicality.

You guys are still married.

No, I'm not.

If you're not married, then

That means I was born out of

Wedlock.

Ha ha! That's funny, because

I always did say you was a

Little bastard.

Okay. That's enough.

You and mom, your wife, need to

Bury the hatchet and--

No. Wait a minute.

You mean the woman formerly

Known as my wife--ella williams,

Huh?

'cause I'm a single man, and

Being as such, I can spread my

Wings now.

Come on.

Don't you want to see your daddy

Spread his wings?

No, no, no.

I don't want to see that, dad.

Sit down. Sit down.

Think about it. Look.

You've been through a lot

Lately, and maybe these are all

Signs of a midlife crisis.

Want a pretzel?

No.

What are you talking about?

Well, you did get let go from

The fire department, and you're

Wondering what to do, and you're

At that age where--

Boy, hold it.

Hold it right--rrrt!

You hold it right there.

What age are you talking about?

I'm still a young man, you

Heard?

Mmm mmm!

Good, baby, good.

You made me a sandwich.

Thank you.

Hmph. Curtis, if you want a

Sandwich, you go make it

Yourself, roomie.

Okay. You guys are acting

Like children.

You've been married for 30

Years.

Prove it.

Apparently, we've been

Pretending.

Far as I'm concerned, we don't

Have to pretend anymore.

Oh. Oh, you ain't said

Nothing, partner.

Ha!

You see, what your mother

Failed to realize is that

There's a shortage of good men

Around here.

What your father is

Forgetting is that I am an

Amazing, hard-working, loyal

Woman, and there's a shortage of

Us, too.

Ha! Shortage?

Does she know where we at?

There's plenty of women

Around here.

You better tell her something,

Huh?

I've been paying for milk all

This time.

I could've been getting the milk

For free, and I don't even know

What kind of milk I want.

I've been drinking whole milk

For so long, I done forgot what

The other milk tastes like.

Maybe I want 2%.

Maybe I want 4% milk.

I don't know, huh?

Maybe I want chocolate milk.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'll stop drinking chocolate,

But I don't even know that.

Well, look.

Maybe I want to try

Something new.

I heard they got strawberry.

Now I want strawberry.

There. I said it.

I want strawberry milk. There.

Okay, curtis.

Oh, you want to try something

New, huh?

Want to try something new?

Well, maybe I would like to have

Something new, curtis.

Huh? You know, I've been living

With potted meat so long, maybe

I'd like a sirloin steak.

Go get your sirloin, then!

You go get you some sirloin,

Baby, and get you some potatoes

And some sour cream with some

Bacon on it, too.

Okay.

What the hell am I saying?

Making me hungry.

Where are you going?

Okay.

Don't worry about it, curtis.

Don't ask me no questions, I'll

Tell you no lies.

We're not married.

It don't matter to you, right?

We're not married, roomie.

You see that?

She's trying to act so calm like

She ain't even fazed.

Give me that sandwich!

You didn't even file for a

License.

No. I told you.

Bam! There it is.

Welcome back, player.

You didn't even have to get a

Divorce.

I am so proud of you.

Mmm!

Why are you so proud of me?

You got rid of curtis.

It usually takes years to lose

That kind of weight.

Claretha, this is not a joke.

And I'm not joking.

I think it's great.

God gave me curtis.

No. We do not serve a god

Of confusion.

The god we serve gave you

A do-over.

What am I gonna do, floyd?

No, no, sir.

It's, what are we going to do?

See, first, I got to pull up

This itinerary for you.

The first thing we got to do is

That we got to get you some

Nonmarried-looking clothes...

We'll do that.

And then we're gonna go

Uptown, have some drinks.

Then we're gonna go downtown,

And that's when we gonna hit

The clubs.

Ha ha ha!

Ha! A club?

I wouldn't know what to wear to

A place like that.

Oh, don't you worry about a

Thing.

I'm gonna claretha-rize you.

Claretha, that sounds

So scary.

Oh, no.

You don't have to be scared of

A thing.

Besides, this could be the best

Thing that ever happened to you.

* every single, every day

And moving and moving

We're feeling, we're fee-- *

Aah!

Oh, no. Oh, no.

And it doesn't look like

Curtis is losing any sleep

Over it.

You need to teach him a lesson.

* take it back, uh, uh

And pushing and party

And moving and moving

We're feeling... *

All right. I'll go.

Watch your back.

Take it around. Uh.

Oh!

Good. You just...

Leave everything to me.

Come on, man.

Gots to be cool.

Looking just like rerun.

Thank you, raj.

[both chuckle]

Look, you about to enter my

World, all right?

Just follow my lead, all right?

This is floyd's world.

My man! What's going on?

What's the action in here

Tonight?

Go ahead. Fix my usual, man.

Your usual what?

My usual drink.

You know what time it is.

You know what's up.

I don't believe I do, sir.

You know lenny always got

Jokes, man.

Sir, I rarely tell jokes, and

My name is karl.

Uh, karl, schmarl.

Come on, man. You know me.

It's floyd.

Yeah. I think I do know you.

Right.

Are you the floyd that has an

Unpaid $92 bar tab?

That sound like you.

Unh-unh. Shush.

Mmm mmm mmm!

[whistles]

Excuse me.

Evening, angels.

Did it hurt when you fell

From heaven?

Ha ha ha!

Heh heh heh! Heh heh heh!

Unh-unh, unh-unh.

My name is floyd, and I'm

Very rich.

My name is curtis, and I got

A pension.

Heh heh heh!

No. Wait, ladies.

Ladies, what the--

What was that?

You just scared them away.

You know what?

We gonna have to go our separate

Ways.

I gots to work the room.

Don't leave me.

Floyd, don't leave me!

No! Hey, floyd!

You on your own.

Aah!

You talking to me?

Didn't you once rescue me

From a burning building?

Well, you know, it's quite

Possible because, actually,

I am--

You are just as fine as I

Remember, looking like rerun,

Dark, smoky.

Wow.

Are you single?

Kind of.

Now, why is a fine man like

You not taken?

Well, my cousin, he didn't do

The paper properly.

Ha ha ha! You're funny.

Want to come back to my place?

Wait. Whoa. Hold on.

See, I've been living with the

Same woman for 30 years, and we

Thought we were married, but it

Turns out, we not married.

It doesn't matter to me.

I'll be da--

Well, you know, I haven't been

With a woman in over 30 years,

Not another woman.

But that excites me.

I have a grown son.

I'm a great-grandmama.

Damn.

Come on. Get in here.

I look crazy.

Don't be ridiculous.

You look like me.

Like I said, I look crazy.

Hush. You look great.

Now, let's get something to

Drink.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

Whoa, whoa.

What?

What are you doing?

I'm getting something, going

Over that way.

I'm walking over there.

Ella, sexy ladies like us

Don't just walk over there.

We do this.

Oh!

What was that?

That was a sashay.

Now it's your turn. Go.

Do that?

Yeah.

Try to put a little oomph

Into it.

This all the oomph I got.

Oh, all right, then.

Let's get a drink.

Oh, young man?

[gasps]

Oh, you are a tall, fine drink

Of water.

What'll you have?

I'll have sex on the beach,

Unless, of course, I can

Have you.

Sex on the beach it is.

[chuckles]

What are you drinking, ella?

I'll have a club soda.

Ella, live a little.

And a twist of lime.

Oh, football players.

Oh!

Put me in, coach.

Claretha, where you going?

Claretha, don't leave me here by

Myself.

Uh, oh.

Good. Thank you.

Ha ha ha!

Oh. Oh.

Hello, there.

Hello, hello.

Don't you just hate places

Like this?

I never come to places

Like this.

My friend dragged me here.

Same thing.

My buddy really twisted my arm

To get me in here.

Ha ha ha!

Hey, would you like to dance?

Uh, no, sir. I'm married.

So am I, but, hey, I

Don't bite.

You don't--

Wait. No. Wait. I said--

Wait. No. Wait.

Come on. What's wrong?

You ought to be ashamed of

Yourself, sir.

Why?

Where's your wife?

Why don't you go home to

Your wife?

She's here...Somewhere.

Ella? What the hell are you

Doing here?

What are you doing here,

Curtis?

Ella, you're drinking?

Claretha is having sex on

The beach.

Ooh!

I didn't need to hear that.

What are you doing here, ella?

Don't worry about that,

Curtis.

You don't care.

We're not married, remember?

Take it home right now.

Go home.

I'm taking it to the dance

Floor right now.

Ha ha ha!

[hums]

Ooh.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Get your hands off my wife,

Partner.

There you are, dark and

Smoky.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, what did

She call you?

Smoky.

Are you coming home with

Me, baby?

He ain't going nowhere with

You, broad, and get your hands

Off my man, girl.

Come on, sugar bear. Come on.

We're just getting in the

Groove.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute.

Who you calling sugar bear?

Let me tell you something,

Brother.

Curtis, don't. Don't, baby.

Hey, hey, leave my

Firefighter alone.

Let me tell you something one

More time.

No, curtis. No.

No helping me now, curtis.

It's too late. No, no, no.

I told you.

Ella, don't.

Everything all right, curtis?

Unh-unh, unh-unh, unh-unh,

Unh-unh, unh-unh.

Hey, how you doing?

Should we step in to

Stop it?

No. I do not step in between

Married folks' business.

Hey, what you got on?

You look kind of sexy.

Oh...

[pants]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Wait, wait, wait, wait,

Wait, wait.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

Get in here. Sit down.

Where have the two of you been?

I've been worried sick.

We went to a club, a

Nightclub.

Oh, a nightclub.

Would it have killed you to pick

Up the phone and give me a call?

Curtis lost his phone, baby.

He lost it in a fight.

A fight?

It was her fault.

My fault?

Hey! No.

I want you two to sit here, sit

Right here, and think about what

You've done.

I'm going to sleep.

Yes, sir, dad.

Go to sleep, then.

[both laugh]

Oh, baby, you know what, though?

I'm so sorry I acted so crazy.

I guess when a man get my age,

He kind of wonders if he's still

Got it.

Curtis, you do.

You still got it, baby.

You still got it.

Doggone skippy, I still

Got it...

Yeah, yeah.

And it's sitting right next

To me.

Ow!

Ow, for real.

Ha ha ha!

Mmm...

Curtis, wait.

Curtis, wait a minute.

Unh-unh, unh-unh.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Ella williams payne, will you

Be my wife again?

Curtis payne, I am your wife,

And I will be until we die.

I love you, baby.