Original subtitles

ELLA! ELLA, ELLA, ELLA, ELLA!

A, ELLA, ELLA!

SHH, SHH, SHH!

H, SHH!

WHAT IN THE WORLD?

E WORLD?

ELLA, GOD HAS BLESSED ME.

AS BLESSED ME.

OK, CLARETHA. CLARETHA, IF

YOU DON'T KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN,

I AM GOING TO CURSE YOU.

[DEEP VOICE] ELLA, GOD HAS

BLESSED ME.

CLARETHA, I MEAN, KEEP IT

DOWN, PLEASE. C.J. AND JANINE

HAVE PUT THE TWINS DOWN FOR A

NAP.

BABY, WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE

FLORENCE OF ARABIA?

ELLA, BECAUSE MY SHIP

HAS COME IN.

[IMITATING SHIP'S HORN BLOWING]

OK, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT?

ELLA, I MET THE PRINCE OF

JA'AIR.

OK, CLARETHA, DON'T YOU MEAN

ZAIRE WITH A "Z"?

NO. I MEAN JA'AIR WITH A "J,"

AS IN "JEWELS" AND "JETS."

OK, BABY, WHERE IS THAT?

WELL, I THINK IT'S PROBABLY

ON THE SAME BLOCK WITH ZAIRE.

GIRL, YOU KNOW I DON'T KNOW.

OK, WELL, CLARETHA, WHERE DID

YOU MEET THIS PRINCE?

I MET HIM AT THE CAR WASH.

HE WAS WASHING UP HIS BRAND-NEW

SHINY SPORTS CAR.

HA HA HA! CLARETHA.

HOW MANY PRINCES DO YOU KNOW

WASH THEIR OWN CAR?

ALL THE LOWDOWN KIND.

OH, ELLA.

HE'S EVERYTHING I DREAMED OF.

HE'S VERY RICH,

HE'S VERY, VERY HANDSOME,

AND VERY, VERY, VERY YOUNG.

THAT'S GOOD. I KNEW IT.

I KNEW IT. OK, CLARETHA, HOW

YOUNG?

NICK CANNON YOUNG.

CLARETHA, NO!

AND I DIDN'T JUST MEET HIM,

ELLA.

WHAT?

I MARRIED HIM. BAM!

CLARETHA, NO! NO.

IT WORKED FOR MARIAH CAREY.

NOW I'LL BE HITTING THE HIGH

NOTES.

* OOH OOOH

OK, CLARETHA, YOU DID WHAT?

YES. I'S MARRIED NOW.

ELLA, YOU ARE LOOKING

AT A PRINCESS.

I SOLD MY HOUSE, AND WE ARE

MOVING TO JA'AIR.

HOW COULD YOU SELL YOUR

HOUSE AND MOVE IN WITH A

PERFECT STRANGER?

HE'S NOT A STRANGER. HE'S A

PRINCE. AND NOW HE'S MY PRINCE

OF A HUSBAND. OH, ELLA, I

HAVEN'T FELT THIS GOOD SINCE

HUBERT DIED.

OK, CLARETHA, HONEY, I THINK

YOU HAVE FINALLY LOST IT.

NO, GIRL, I HAVE FINALLY

FOUND IT.

CLARETHA, YOU...

CURTIS, DON'T--

[SLAM]

DON'T SLAM THAT DOOR.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS!

HEY, HEY.

JANINE'S TRYING TO KEEP THE

TWINS ASLEEP.

I GOT A--

CURTIS, CURTIS!

THIS.

THIS IS WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE.

A JAYWALKING TICKET.

I GOT A JAYWALKING TICKET.

WERE YOU JAYWALKING?

YEAH, I WAS. BUT THAT AIN'T

THE POINT. I COULD JAYWALK IF I

WANT TO. I'M THE FIRE CHIEF. I

COULD J-K-L-M-N-O-P CROSS THE

STREET IF I WANT TO, SKIPPING

AND DANCING.

I'M THE FIRE CHIEF!

THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

UH-OH. WELL, CURTIS, DON'T

LOOK NOW, BUT CLARETHA HAS SOLD

HER HOUSE AND IS MOVING OUT OF

THE COUNTRY WITH A PRINCE.

STOP PLAYING WITH ME.

DON'T PLAY WITH ME WHEN I'M

BEREAVED LIKE THIS.

DON'T PLAY WITH ME.

IS THIS TRUE?

THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

I AIN'T PAYING FOR NO TICKET.

I BET YOU I'M GONNA BEAT THIS.

I'M DOING MY RESEARCH. I CAN

BEAT THIS TICKET. THIS AIN'T

NOTHING.

OH, THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE

HERE!

MALIK!

[SOFTLY] I'M SORRY.

THEY'RE HERE.

HEY.

HEY, MAMA.

OH, HI.

WHAT'S UP, POPS?

WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN? YOU

HAVE BEEN BACK FOR TWO WEEKS

AND WE HAVE NOT SEEN YOU. YOU

KNOW I AM DYING TO HEAR ABOUT

EVERYTHING.

MISS ELLA, I'M SO SORRY WE

DIDN'T COME BY SOONER. WE'VE

JUST BEEN REALLY, UH, BUSY.

YEAH, WE'VE BEEN REAL BUSY.

OK.

OK, COUSIN CALVIN, I LIKE

GIRLS, TOO, BUT EW!

SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.

SIT, SIT, SIT.

HEY, HEY, GUYS. GOOD TO SEE

YOU, MAN. GLAD YOU'RE BACK AND

EVERYTHING. YOU ALL LOOK GREAT,

BUT CAN YOU GUYS KEEP IT DOWN?

WE'RE TRYING TO KEEP THE TWINS

ASLEEP.

OH, OK.

[LOUDLY] HEY, DID YOU TELL

THEM I GOT A TICKET?

UNCLE CURTIS.

C.J.!

I'M COMING.

COME ON, TELL US ALL ABOUT

ARIS.P

OH!

I GOT A TICKET.

MAMA, IT WAS GREAT. OH, AND

WE EVEN BROUGHT YOU GIFTS.

YOU BROUGHT US GIFTS? BABY,

WE GOT GIFTS.

FIRST THE LITTLE ONES. LOOK

AT THIS.

THE LITTLE ONES. OH!

THIS IS FROM THE BATHROOM.

THESE ARE TOILETRIES.

ESPECIALLY FOR YOU, MISS

ELLA.

THE GIDEON!

BAM!

AH! OK, SO YOU STOLE THE

BIBLE AND...

YOU KNOW, WHERE YOU GOING, I

TELL YOU...

YOU'RE GOING TO HELL.

OK, WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST

SHOW US SOME PICTURES.

YEAH, WE GOT PICTURES.

EIFFEL TOWER IN THERE.

OK. THIS IS THE HOTEL ROOM.

ISN'T THAT FABULOUS?

OH, THIS IS WHERE YOU STAYED.

THAT'S THE HOTEL. THAT'S THE

ROOM.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

THAT'S THE WINDOW.

YOU LOOKED OUT OF THAT

WINDOW? AH!

THIS IS THE BATHROOM.

I SEE THESE. I SEE THESE.

THEY EVEN HAD THESE TOILETS

THAT SHOOT UP THE WATER. YEAH,

BABY, LIKED THAT.

TOILETS.

THAT'S THE ROOM HOUSEKEEPER.

THAT'S HER? OK.

AND OVER HERE IS THE COUCH.

OOH! YOU SAT ON THAT COUCH,

THEN.

WE DID MORE THAN SIT.

CALVIN, CALVIN.

OK.

SO THAT WAS OUR TRIP.

WELL, DID YOU EVER LEAVE THE

ROOM?

NO.

EW. EW, EW, EW.

WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON HERE?

I GOT A TICKET.

THE TWINS ARE FINE. CLARETHA

SOLD HER HOUSE AND IS MARRYING

A PRINCE, MOVING OUT OF THE

COUNTRY.

AND I GOT A TICKET.

AND THE BIG NEWS IS--

I GOT A TICKET.

CURTIS. JAZMINE RETESTED AND

GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE GIFTED

PROGRAM!

YEAH. SHE'S IN

NORTH CAROLINA.

SHE'S THERE NOW.

WOW. BABY, HOW LONG HAVE WE

BEEN GONE?

OK, NOW, CURTIS, THIS MEANS

A LOT TO CLARETHA, OK, BABY?

SO BE NICE, ALL RIGHT?

AND WHEN SHE GETS HERE, BABY,

PLEASE TAKE THAT LOOK OFF YOUR

FACE.

THIS LOOK COMES WITH

CLARETHA.

THIS LOOK AND GAS.

IT'S A SET.

AHEM.

HI! HE'S YOUNG.

HI!

WELCOME TO OUR HOME.

I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.

ELLA, CURTIS, ALLOW ME TO

INTRODUCE PRINCE JA'AIR.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

CLARETHA, SHE HAS TOLD ME SO

MUCH ABOUT YOU. REALLY GOOD TO

SEE YOU.

[NERVOUS LAUGH]

AND YOU ARE A FUNNY FAT MAN,

YES.

GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.

GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.

SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT.

HAVE A SEAT. SIT, SIT, SIT.

OK, PRINCE, COULD I GET YOU

SOMETHING TO DRINK?

NO, THANK YOU. SUKRAN.

GOOD BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN

KNOW WHAT NO SHUKRON IS.

MAYBE THEY GOT A 99 CENT

STORE.

TALK TO THE MAN.

OH, UH, SO WHAT YOU GOT,

GLAUCOMA?

YOU GOT CATARACTS?

NO. WHY DO YOU ASK?

THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING

WRONG WITH YOUR EYES. YOU'RE

WITH CLARETHA.

WELL, I GUESS THAT MEANS

THAT ELLA IS BLIND.

OK, WELL, UH, PRINCE,

PRINCE. CLARETHA SAYS THAT YOU

LIVE IN A MANSION ON ROSWELL

ROAD.

YES. ACTUALLY, I HAVE BEEN

THERE FOR 2 YEARS NOW, BUT NOW

THAT MY STUDIES ARE OVER, I

WILL RETURN TO MY COUNTRY

TOMORROW WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL

WIFE.

SO YOU DO HAVE ANOTHER WIFE.

WHATEVER. YOU COULD MAKE ALL

THE JOKES YOU WANT BECAUSE

TOMORROW I'LL BE CURTIS-FREE.

YEAH, WHATEVER.

SO LOOK HERE, YOU SAY YOU A

PRINCE, RIGHT?

YES, PRINCE JA'AIR.

WE GOT A PRINCE HERE IN THE

STATES. OOH!

CURTIS.

I WAS JUST SEEING IF HE GOT

HIS ASS CUT OUT.

OK, UH, PRINCE, SO UH, CAN YOU

DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS TICKET?

A LITTLE JAYWALKING TICKET.

IT DON'T MEAN NOTHING.

SURE. IT IS NO PROBLEM. I

TAKE CARE OF IT.

YOU SEE HOW HE RIPPED THAT

THING UP LIKE THAT?

THAT'S POWER.

THAT'S POWER. I'M IMPRESSED.

OK, OK. WE GOT TO GO.

I'LL CALL YOU AS SOON AS WE

LAND...WHEREVER THAT IS.

OH, ELLA, GIVE ME A HUG.

CLARETHA...OK.

CURTIS. I THINK I MIGHT

ACTUALLY MISS YOU.

I THINK I MIGHT MISS YOUR

EYELASHES.

OH! COME ON.

IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU.

MA'ASALAME...

SAY IT AGAIN. PLEASE SAY IT

AGAIN. SAY IT AGAIN!

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?

WATCH IT.

WHERE MY MEASURING TAPE,

ELLA?

WHERE THE TAPE AT, ELLA?

IN THE KITCHEN DRAWER, BABY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BABY?

I GOT THIS.

I'M ABOUT TO GO--

CURTIS, WHAT IS GOING ON,

HONEY?

GOT ANOTHER TICKET.

I GOT A TICKET, ELLA, FOR

PARKING IN FRONT OF THE FIRE

HYDRANT.

THE DAMN M.V. SAYS YOU GOT TO BE

15 FEET AWAY FROM THE HYDRANT.

OK. WELL, BABY, HOW FAR AWAY

FROM THE HYDRANT WERE YOU?

14 FEET 11 INCHES.

AND YOU KNOW I KNOW 11 INCHES.

I DON'T KNOW. YOU MAY BE A

LITTLE OFF, BABY, BUT...

BABY, DMV DID SAY 15 FEET,

BABY. HE DID.

WHOSE SIDE YOU ON, ELLA?

WHOSE SIDE YOU GONNA BE?

CAN YOU BE ON MY SIDE, BABY?

CAN YOU DO LIKE THAT GOOD BOOK

YOU GOT IN YOUR HANDS SAY DO?

IT SAY THOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE ON

THY HUSBAND'S SIDE.

CURTIS.

FROM 15 FEET.

20 YEARS. 20 YEARS I'VE BEEN

PARKING IN FRONT OF THAT

HYDRANT. THE HYDRANT GOT MY

NAME ON IT, ELLA.

I KNOW, CURTIS.

WHAT'S HIS NAME? WHAT'S HIS

NAME? I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF

THIS. I CAN'T EVEN READ--WHAT'S

IT SAY? WHAT'S THE MAN'S NAME?

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

WAIT A MINUTE, NOW.

GIVE ME THE MAN'S NAME!

UH, C. HERNANDEZ.

C. HERNANDEZ.

BABY, THAT SOUND FAMILIAR.

HERNANDEZ.

THIS IT! THIS IT! THE SAME

CHUMP THAT WROTE ME THE

JAYWALKING TICKET, ELLA. IT'S

THE SAME CHUMP. HE'S FOLLOWING

ME. HE'S FOLLOWING ME. THAT'S

SEXUAL HARASSMENT, ELLA. THAT'S

SEXUAL HARASSMENT, BABY. I TELL

YOU WHAT, HE GONNA WRITE

ANOTHER TICKET NEXT TIME I SEE

HIM FOR WHOOPING HIS

HERNAND-ASS! HOW ABOUT THAT?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

CURTIS, PLEASE. BABY, YOU

NEED TO CALM DOWN.

HOLA.

HELLO. HI.

WE'RE YOUR NEW NEIGHBORS.

THIS IS MY WIFE ROSIE.

THAT'S FOR YOU.

I AM CARLOS.

CARLOS HERNANDEZ.

CURTIS, THESE ARE THE

HERNANDEZES. THESE ARE THE

HERNANDEZES. BE NICE.

I'M GONNA BE NICE.

[LAUGHTER]

SO, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

HERE? YOU FOLLOWING ME?

NO. WE JUST BOUGHT THE HOUSE

NEXT DOOR.

Sí. NEXT DOOR.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE THAT

CRAZY JAYWALKER.

AND YOU'RE THE CRAZY

OBNOXIOUS COP THAT WROTE ME A

TICKET FOR PARKING IN FRONT OF

MY HYDRANT.

YOU TORE THAT TICKET UP?

YOU DOGGONE SKIPPY I TORE IT

UP.

OK. THAT'S OK.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

WHAT AM I DOING? I'M WRITING

YOU ANOTHER TICKET FOR TEARING

UP THAT TICKET.

OH, NO, YOU AIN'T. NO, YOU

AIN'T. YOU AIN'T GONNA WALK

AROUND A TICKET. I'M A FIRE

CHIEF. I'LL WRITE A TICKET, TOO.

OH, YEAH, LET'S WRITE

TICKETS. COME ON, LET'S DO THE

TICKET DANCE.

NOT A TICKET, CURTIS, PLEASE!

HOW MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR

HOUSE?

LESS THAN YOU, JAYWALKER.

LOOK, YOU CAN'T BE WRITING

ME NO TICKET FOR PARKING IN

FRONT OF THAT FIRE-I'VE BEEN

PARKING IN FRONT OF THAT FIRE

FOR OVER 20 YEARS. MY NAME IS

ON THAT FIRE HYDRANT, BROTHER.

IT IS.

I'M SORRY. YOU WROTE THAT?

YOU DOGGONE RIGHT. YEARS AGO.

20 YEARS AGO.

YEAH, WELL, OK. I'M WRITING

YOU ANOTHER TICKET FOR DEFACING

PUBLIC PROPERTY.

CARLOS.

DON'T YOU--COME ON!

SIT DOWN! SIT DOWN, CURTIS!

SIT DOWN.

HELLO, ALL. LET IT BE KNOWN

I'M HANDING IN MY PLAYER CARD.

I JUST MET THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

GIRL IN THE WORLD.

ALEXANDRA HERNANDEZ.

AY, DIOS MíO.

UH, THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.

THE ONLY WAY TO GET TO HER IS

THROUGH ME.

A BOTTLE OF PRUNE JUICE

CAN'T GET THROUGH YOU.

[SHOUTING]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

WE JUST GOT HERE.

HEY, HERE YOU GO. HEY,

BUDDY, HEY! KEEP IT.

OH, YOU CAN LEAVE IT. YOU

CAN LEAVE IT RIGHT THERE. I'LL

BURN IT UP RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT

IT. COME OVER HERE. YOU NEED TO

STOP TALKING TO THAT GIRL

ANYWAY.

HI.

IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU.

WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME.

GRACIAS. I'M COMING!

BYE-BYE, CIAO.

...CARRYING ONE OF THESE

BABIES. I DON'T KNOW WHY I GOT

TO CARRY BOTH OF THE BABIES...

[LATIN MUSIC PLAYING]

UM...EXCUSE ME.

SHH!

CAN WE HELP--

SHH!

SHE JUST DID IT AGAIN.

LA COCINA. LA COCINA. THAT

MEANS COME IN THE KITCHEN.

KITCHEN.

MOM, DAD, THIS IS ALEXANDRA

HERNANDEZ.

HOLA.

WE'RE MAKING FAJITAS.

THAT BETTER BE ALL YOU'RE

MAKING.

WHO IS THE WOMAN IN THE

LIVING ROOM?

MI ABUELA.

THAT MEANS NANA IN SPANISH,

AKA, MY FUTURE

GRANDMOTHER-IN-LAW.

WHATEVER. WHY IS SHE IN OUR

LIVING ROOM?

SHE'S WATCHING HER

TELENOVELAS.

THAT MEANS SHE'S WATCHING

HER SOAPS.

WHY IS SHE WATCHING THEM

HERE?

OUR CABLE ISN'T HOOKED UP

YET.

DAD, THEIR CABLE JUST AIN'T--

WE HEAR, YEAH. WE KNOW.

ALL I KNOW IS...

BE CAREFUL.

WHOEVER THAT LADY IS, SHE

BETTER BE GONE BY THE TIME

UNCLE CURTIS--

WHAT THE HELL?

SHH!

YOU SEE?

WHO IS THIS?

DON'T KNOW. I JUST WALKED IN

HERE WITH YOU.

EXCUSE ME.

SHH!

DID SHE JUST SHUSH ME?

SHE DID.

OK, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S

GOING ON HERE.

PSST! PSST! LA COCINA.

THIS AIN'T NO TIME TO TALK

ABOUT A CASINO.

NO. COME TO THE KITCHEN.

WHAT THE HELL HE TALKING

ABOUT?

BABY, GO INTO THE KITCHEN.

WHO THE HELL IS THIS?

WOW, A LOT HAS CHANGED. YOU

LET OLD WOMEN SIT IN YOUR CHAIR

NOW?

WHO IS THAT?

SHH! EXCUSE ME.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

WHAT IS SHE DOING?

SHE'S--SHE'S GETTING ANOTHER

BEER. OH, BABY, SHE'S OPENING

IT WITH HER TEETH.

DIET. DIET.

YEAH, DIE, IT.

I GOTTA SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING.

C.J. CAN WE...

WHAT IS SHE DOING? WHAT IS

SHE DOING--WHAT IS SHE DOING IN

MY HOUSE IN MY CHAIR DRINKING

MY BEER?

WATCHING TV.

I CAN SEE THAT. LET ME OUT

OF HERE.

GET HER, POP. GET HER. GET

HER, POP.

BE NICE, BE NICE.

I'M BEHIND YOU.

NO, I WANT TO BE BY MYSELF.

UH, SQUEEZE ME.

HELLO?

SHUSH!

OK, THAT'S IT WITH THE

SHUSHING. I NEED YOU TO GET THE

HELL-O OUT MY HOUSE-O.

AH, CONSUELA, THERE YOU ARE.

MAMA!

THIS IS WHEN I NEED YOU

RIGHT NOW. BREAKING AND

ENTERING RIGHT HERE. GET YOUR

LITTLE TICKET BOOK OUT.

NO, UH-UH. ABUELITA, WE WERE

SO WORRIED.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU GOT AT

YOUR HOUSE, MAN?

LESS THAN YOU, YAY-WALKER.

IT'S NOT YAY-WALKER. IT'S

JAYWALKER!

THIS IS OUR OTHER DAUGHTER,

MERCEDES.

MERCEDES, HUH? HOLA.

ALEJANDRA, LET'S GO. COME

ON. [SPEAKING SPANISH]

LET'S GO. COME ON. A LA CASA.

COME ON. COME ON.

DIET...DIET...DIET.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FAJITAS?