Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON "HOUSE OF

PAYNE..."

DO YOU THINK THAT CALVIN IS

AS NERVOUS AS I AM?Y ON "HOUSE F

YNE..."

DO YOU THINK TH

I CAN'T BREATHE.AT CALVIN IS?

I CAN'T BREATHE. I CAN'T BREA.

TUXEDO SHOP WAS KIND OF

I CAN'T BR

CROWDED, BUT IT TOOK FOREVER.

TUXEDO SHOP WAS KIND OF

CROWDED, BUT IT TOOK FOREVER.

FOREVER.

ER.

THAT WAS YOUR FATHER. THERE

FATHER. THERE

WAS AN EMERGENCY DELIVERY AT

CY DELIVERY AT

THE HOTEL.

TEL.

OH. I'M NOT GETTING DRESSED

UNTIL MY FATHER GETS HERE.

GETS HERE.

DOESN'T SHOWIF HE DOESN'T SHOW

UP?

.> JAZMINE.

LITTLEREY HAD A LITTLE

AND JULIA SO HE AND JULIA

HAVEN'T EVEN ARRIVED YETEDED Y O

THTHE E WEWEDDDDINING G WIWILLL.

JEFFREY STILL HAS NOT ARRIVED,

OK?

AND SO MIRANDA SAID SHE'S JUST

GONNA WAIT ON HER DADDY TO

GET HERE.

SHE'S NOT GETTING DRESSED.

WHAT? SHE'S MARRYING ME, NOT

THEM.

NO. I'M NOT DOING THIS.

I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED.

THAT'S IT.

YES, YOU ARE, MY DEAR.

YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED.

HONEY, I KNOW.

LISTEN, BABY, I KNOW YOU WANT

YOUR FATHER AND JULIA HERE, OK?

BUT YOU ARE MARRYING CALVIN,

YOU'RE NOT MARRYING THEM.

WHY DOES THAT MAKE SO MUCH

MORE SENSE WITH YOU SAYING IT?

HMM?

NOTHING.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HELLO? THIS BETTER BE GOOD

NEWS.

FINALLY.

OK, HONEY, WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.

JEFFERY AND JULIA ARE 20 MINUTES

AWAY.

WONDERFUL!

LET'S GET YOU DRESSED NOW.

[WEDDING MARCH PLAYING]

WOW. DOESN'T SHE LOOK

BEAUTIFUL?

YEAH, SHE SURE DOES.

MARRIAGE IS AN HONORABLE

ESTATE.

EXCUSE ME, PASTOR.

EXCUSE ME?

C.J., WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I DON'T WANT TO BRING

ANOTHER CHILD INTO THE WORLD,

OUR CHILD...

WITHOUT US BEING HUSBAND

AND WIFE.

I LOVE YOU.

WILL YOU BE MY WIFE...AGAIN?

MIRANDA, DO YOU TAKE CALVIN

PAYNE AS YOUR WEDDED HUSBAND?

I DO.

CLARENCE, DO YOU--WELL, DID

YOU JUST HEAR WHAT I ASKED THEM?

YES.

AND, JANINE, DO YOU WANT TO

MARRY HIM, TOO?

NO.

NO?

NO, NO. MY WATER JUST BROKE.

OH, NO!

[BREATHING HARD]

WE NEED A DOCTOR!

WE NEED A DOCTOR!

WE NEED A DOCTOR!

WE NEED A DOCTOR!

LOOK, LOOK.

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN, OK?

SIT DOWN.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

OK, SIT DOWN, OK? YOU'RE

SUPPOSED TO BE A FIREFIGHTER.

YOU NEED TO MAN UP, OK?

WAIT, C.J. WHERE IS PASTOR

RICHARDS? I'M NOT HAVING THIS

BABY WITHOUT BEING MARRIED.

HE WAS RIGHT BEHIND US.

JANINE, OK, I WILL CALL HIM AND

FIND OUT WHERE HE IS.

NURSE, WE NEED A DOCTOR.

MY WIFE--I MEAN, MY FIANCéE IS

IN LABOR.

YOU MEAN YOUR BABY MAMA?

LOOK, JUST 'CAUSE YOU DON'T

KNOW WHO YOUR DADDY IS, DON'T

TAKE IT OUT ON US.

DON'T TALK ABOUT MY DADDY. I

GOT IT NARROWED DOWN TO THREE.

AND FROM WHAT I HEAR, THEY ARE

ALL REALLY GOOD MEN.

OK, LOOK, NURSE JONES,

CAN WE PLEASE SEE A DOCTOR?

SURE YOU CAN.

RIGHT AFTER YOU FILL OUT THESE.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

HURRY. THANK YOU. HURRY. OK,

HE'S ON HIS WAY. OK, OK, MA'AM

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO

HURRY THIS PROCESS ALONG,

PLEASE?

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

TO MOVE OUT OF MY FACE, PLEASE?

OOH.

CURTIS, LET ME AT HER, LET

ME AT HER! I DON'T LIKE HER.

I KNOW YOU DON'T.

CURTIS, LET ME TRY.

NURSE JONES, I'M DR. LUCAS--

AND IF YOU'RE A DOCTOR, THEN

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ANOTHER

ONE?

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE

A LICENSE TO PRACTICE IN THIS

STATE.

THEN SIT YOUR BEHIND DOWN

LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

I'LL SLAP THE BLACK OFF--

WATCH THE PIMP HAND.

WATCH THE PIMP HAND.

SHE DON'T KNOW ME.

SHE DON'T KNOW YOU. SHE

DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

IF YOU DO NOT CUT THE CRAP,

WE WILL SUE THIS HOSPITAL, AND

MY HUSBAND WILL BECOME YOUR

BOSS AND THE FIRST THING HE'S

GOING TO DO IS FIRE YOU.

NOW FIND HER DOCTOR!

YES!

FINE. PATIENT'S NAME?

JANINE--

OH, NOBODY'S TALKING TO YOU,

BABY DADDY.

SORRY. PATIENT'S NAME.

THE PATIENT'S NAME IS

JANINE PAYNE.

THANK YOU.

HER DOCTOR'S ON VACATION

WITH THE NANNY...

IT'S ALWAYS THE NANNY, ISN'T IT?

BUT NOT TO WORRY.

DR. JAWFY'S ON CALL.

I'LL HIT HIM UP ON HIS PAGER.

THANK YOU!

WHATEVER. JUST DOING MY JOB.

MY GOODNESS, THIS BABY'S

TRYING TO PUNCH HIS WAY OUT OF

ME.

OOH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT.

JANINE, WAS IT THIS DIFFICULT

WITH JAZMINE AND MALIK?

NO, NO, NO. THIS BABY

DOESN'T LIKE ME.

MA, MA. LOOK, YOU JUST NEED

TO CALM DOWN, OK? THERE'S

WOMEN HAVING BABIES ALL THE

TIME.

BABY, WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP?

GET ME SOME DRUGS.

NO!

WE DON'T WANT THE BABY

CRAWLING IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS.

UH, CURTIS, I THINK WHAT

SHE'S TALKING ABOUT IS AN

EPIDURAL.

AIN'T THAT SOME FANCY WORD

FOR CRACK?

ALL RIGHT, JANINE PAYNE AND

BABY DADDY, YOUR ROOM IS NOW

AVAILABLE.

GO ON. THAT'S YOU ALL.

THAT'S US, THAT'S US.

WAIT, WAIT. NO, C.J. I'M NOT

HAVING THIS BABY UNTIL I'M

MARRIED.

JANINE, YOU ABOUT TO--

I'M NOT HAVING THIS BABY

UNTIL I'M MARRIED.

THERE HE IS.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

IT WAS CASHEW AND COOKIE.

DON'T YOU MEAN POOKIE AND

PEANUT?

THEM, TOO. THEY HAD MY CAR.

AND, UH...WELL, I HAD TO BREAK

A FEW COMMANDMENTS TO GET HERE,

BUT YOU ALL JUST PRAY FOR ME,

ALL RIGHT?

YES, SIR. THANK YOU.

PASTOR RICHARDS, CAN YOU

COME WITH US, PLEASE?

NO PROBLEM. SURE.

OH, NO, NO, NO. STAND UP. IF

THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED, WE'RE

GETTING MARRIED. I WAS GETTING

MARRIED FIRST. LET'S GO. HEY!

WOO, BABY! OK. WHAT?

BABY...

I'M GONNA GO CALL LIZ AND LARRY

AND LET THEM KNOW THAT JANINE

IS IN LABOR AND CHECK UP

ON JAZMINE. I KNOW SHE IS

DRIVING CLARETHA CRAZY.

HUH! THAT'S A SHORT DRIVE.

JANINE, DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN

TO BE--

[FOREIGN ACCENT]

HEY, HEY, HEY!

WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING IN

HERE?

GETTING MARRIED. WHAT ARE YOU

DOING IN HERE?

I ASK THE QUESTIONS, TYRONE.

ARE YOU THE HUSBAND?

NO. NO, I'M THE HUSBAND.

WELL, I USED TO BE THE HUSBAND.

I'M NOT THE HUSBAND ANYMORE,

BUT I WAS ABOUT TO BE THE

HUSBAND AGAIN, AND THAT'S WHEN

SHE WENT INTO LABOR.

NEXT TIME GIVE ONE WORD

ANSWERS, LEROY.

I NEED DRUGS!

NO!

C.J., I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, BABY.

IF YOU LOVE ME, GIVE ME SOME

DRUGS.

I CAN'T DO THAT, BABY.

I HATE YOU.

LOOK, EVERYONE MUST GET OUT.

NO, NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT

HAVING THIS BABY UNTIL I'M

MARRIED.

LIKE I SAID, IF SHE'S

GETTING MARRIED, I'M GETTING

MARRIED.

NO, YOU'RE NOT. YOU NEED TO

GET OUT OF HERE, MOESHA.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T

KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO...

BABY, CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN.

BORAT.

HELLO. WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE'RE FINALLY GETTING

MARRIED.

YOU'RE FINALLY GETTING

MARRIED WHEN?

NOW.

RIGHT NOW?

YES.

AND THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED

RIGHT NOW?

ALL OF US, YES.

EVERYBODY'S GETTING MARRIED?

WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU KIDDING

ME?

HEY, YOU GUYS, DOWN HERE, MALIK!

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED IN HERE.

CURTIS, COME ON.

EXCUSE ME, MABEL. TOO MUCH

NOISE.

HEY, THIS IS A DELIVERY ROOM.

YOU CANNOT ALL BE IN HERE.

GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME AND

GIVE ME DRUGS!

WE SAID NO!

DRUGS ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND,

JANINE.

HEY, MOM, CAN YOU SAY THAT

ONE MORE TIME RIGHT INTO THE

CAMERA?

OK, COME CLOSER. OK.

GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!

IT'S ALMOST OVER, BABY.

I SAID, EVERYONE OUT. THAT

MEANS EVERYONE OUT NOW. SHOO!

LIKE FLEAS.

FLEAS DON'T SHOO.

MOVE AWAY FROM ME, HAKEEM.

PASTOR RICHARDS, CAN YOU

PLEASE MARRY US AND HURRY?

YES, YES. GENTLEMEN, DO YOU?

WE DO.

AND, LADIES, DO YOU?

WE DO.

OK, THEN. I PRONOUNCE YOU

HUSBANDS AND WIVES. YOU MAY

KISS WHICHEVER BRIDE IS YOURS.

IF YOUR LIPS TOUCH ME, I

WILL RIP THEM OFF YOUR FACE.

YES, CLAMP IT UP.

CHOP, CHOP.

"SOUL TRAIN" LINE OUTSIDE.

[JANINE SCREAMING]

WILL YOU STOP CRYING? THERE

IS NO CRYING IN CHILDBIRTH. IN

MY COUNTRY, WE WILL PUT YOU IN

A BURLAP SACK AND STONE YOU FOR

CRYING.

SHUT UP AND GET THIS BABY

OUT OF ME.

YOU ARE SO WEAK. MY MOTHER

GIVE BIRTH WHILE SINGING "TINY

DANCER" AND DRIVING A BICYCLE

TAXI.

NOW, STOP CRYING AND "POOSH"!

POOSH!

I SEE THE HEAD.

WHOA!

WHOA! WHOA.

NO WONDER YOU'RE IN PAIN.

THAT IS A VERY BIG HEAD.

IT'S LIKE A SOCCER BALL.

MORE LIKE A MELON.

ACTUALLY, IT LOOKS LIKE--

DR. JAWFY!

SORRY. JUST KEEP PUSHING.

GO AHEAD, BABY, PUSH. PUSH.

COME ON.

AAAH!

OK, OK.

[BABY CRIES]

CONGRATULATIONS. MRS. PAYNE,

YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY

BABY BOY.

OH, HE'S BEAUTIFUL.

OK, DR. JAWFY, WHY AM I STILL

IN PAIN?

YOU'RE STILL IN PAIN?

I'M STILL IN PAIN.

SHE'S IN PAIN.

UH-OH.

"UH-OH"? DOCTORS AIN'T

SUPPOSED TO SAY "UH-OH."

THERE'S NO "UH-OH" IN

CHILDBIRTH. WHAT'S THE "UH-OH"?

YES, THERE IS "UH-OH."

THERE IS ANOTHER BABY IN THERE.

UH-OH.

HOW COULD WE NOT KNOW THIS?

SOMETIMES DURING

AN ULTRASOUND, ONE BABY CAN BE

HIDDEN BEHIND THE OTHER.

WHO'S YOUR PRIMARY DOCTOR?

DR. JONES.

AH, HE DRINKS. NOW, POOSH!

PUSH, BABY. COME ON.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

STOP. DO NOT PUSH.

WHAT'S WRONG?

WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NURSE, WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

DO NOT PUSH.

STOP PUSHING. STOP PUSHING.

OK. WELL, WHAT CAN I DO?

THE BABY IS BREECH, AND THE

POSITION MAKES IT VERY

DIFFICULT FOR US TO TURN IT.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

WHAT CAN I DO?

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! I

CANNOT THINK WITH ALL OF THESE

QUESTIONS. TOP LIP, BOTTOM LIP,

PUT THEM TOGETHER.

BABY, I WANT TO SAY A

PRAYER. DOC, DOC, I WANT TO SAY

A PRAYER.

THERE IS NO PRAYER IN

CHILDBIRTH.

I SAID, I WANT TO SAY

A PRAYER!

HEAVENLY FATHER, WE'VE SEEN

ALL YOUR MIRACLES, LARGE

AND SMALL. I STAND HERE BEFORE

YOU TODAY ASKING FOR JUST

ANOTHER ONE.

LORD, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP OUR

BABY TO SURVIVE.

IN JESUS' NAME WE PRAY. AMEN.

AMEN.

VERY GOOD. NICE. HOLY GHOST,

AMEN!

NOW, LET'S DO THIS.

SO, WHAT'S GOOD, NURSE JONES?

DON'T CALL ME NURSE JONES.

MY NAME IS SHELLY, BUT YOU CAN

CALL ME RITA BECAUSE YOU'RE MY

PEOPLES.

OK, THEN, SINCE I'M YOUR

PEOPLES, YOU WON'T MIND I GET

YOU ON CAMERA.

BOY, YOU BETTER GET THAT

CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE. I DON'T

KNOW YOU LIKE THAT. UNLESS YOU

TAPING FOR "NURSES GONE WILD."

OH, NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT.

I GOT JONATHAN AT 7 POUNDS.

MM-MM, MM-MM. I SAY ASHLEY,

6 POUNDS.

ASHLEY IS A SISSY NAME.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

WE ARE BETTING ON THE WEIGHT

OF THE BABY. WHOEVER GETS

CLOSEST TO THE WEIGHT WINS THE

POT. OH, AND THE NAME'S JUST

FOR FUN.

PSST! ELLA. LET ME HOLD

A FIVE.

CURTIS, NOW YOU KNOW I DO

NOT GAMBLE.

IS THE PASTOR LOOKING?

7 POUNDS, 3 OUNCES.

YOU DON'T PUT IN, YOU DON'T

INPUT.

7 POUNDS, 3 OUNCES.

BABY, COME HERE FOR A SECOND.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

LISTEN, I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE

BEFORE THE BABY'S BORN.

MAYBE WE SHOULD POSTPONE OUR

HONEYMOON.

WE COULD, YOU KNOW, TAKE A LATER

FLIGHT OR SOMETHING.

OK. THEN WE'LL JUST

RESCHEDULE MR. AND MRS. PAYNE'S

FLIGHT.

OH. I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.

OH, YEAH?

GIRL, YOU BETTER GO ON YOUR

HONEYMOON, 'CAUSE IF HE STAYS

HERE, HE IS FAIR GAME WITH HIS

FINE CHOCOLATE SELF. RRR!

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED?

WE GOT A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY.

OH!

WELL, THAT'S GREAT. I GOT

A LITTLE BABY BROTHER.

WELL, ACTUALLY, WE'RE HAVING

TWINS.

WHAT?

TWINS?

YEAH.

UM, WHERE THEY GONNA LIVE?

NOW, ARE YOU SURE BOTH OF

THEM ARE YOURS?

NURSE, WOULD YOU SHUT UP,

PLEASE?

NO. I'M JUST SAYING. I SAW

THIS TV SHOW ONE TIME. THE LADY

HAD A BLACK BABY, THEN SHE HAD

A WHITE BABY. AND SHE WAS

ASIAN.

I'M JUST SAYING.

MAURY GOT IT GOING ON.

* GO, MAURY

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY *

[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]

WELL, THERE'S MORE.

THERE'S SOME COMPLICATIONS.

WHAT?

C.J., WHAT'S WRONG?

THE SECOND BABY IS BREECH.

HONEY, WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

WELL, THEY'RE TRYING TO TURN

THE BABY AROUND.

YOU NEED ME TO GO AND TALK

TO YOUR DOCTOR?

NO. NO. EVEN THOUGH I THINK

THAT DR. JAWFY IS CRAZY, I

THINK WE'RE IN PRETTY GOOD

HANDS. YOU ALL JUST STAY HERE

AND PRAY FOR US.

OH, THAT WE CAN DO, RIGHT,

PASTOR?

YES, WE CAN.

COME ON, LET'S PRAY. CURTIS.

WE CAN PRAY.

COME ON. LET ME IN.

FATHER, WE JUST THANK YOU

FOR ALL THINGS, AND WE KNOW THAT

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE RIGHT

WITH JANINE AND...

C.J.

C.J. AND WE BELIEVE

THAT IT WILL. TRUST AND

KNOW THAT IT WILL. IN JESUS'

NAME, AMEN.

AMEN.

IN HIS NAME, AMEN.

AMEN.

OK, DOC, HOW'S IT GOING?

DO NOT RUSH ME!

OK. GET READY. 42, 17, 10, 147.

HUT, HUT!

DR. JAWFY.

SORRY.

C.J., I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.

BABY, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE

SUPPOSED TO SEE UNDER THERE.

WELL, CAN YOU GO AND LOOK

AND TELL ME?

I'M NOT GOING UNDER THERE.

DON'T WORRY. SHE'S BREATHING

FINE.

SHE? IT'S A GIRL?

IT'S A GIRL?

[BABY CRIES]

AW.

OH, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

CAN I HOLD HER?

I BELIEVE SHE'S A LITTLE

UNDERWEIGHT, BUT SHE APPEARS TO

BE HEALTHY.

HI. OH, HI.

OH, SWEETIE.

[BABY CRIES]

AW.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. YEAH, YOU

LOOK LIKE A HAYDEN. WHAT DO YOU

THINK? HAYDEN?

HAYDEN AND JADEN.

I LIKE THAT.

WE WEREN'T EXPECTING YOU,

BUT WE'RE REALLY GLAD YOU'RE

HERE.

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE YOUR NEW

FAMILY.

WELL, MAYBE NOT UNCLE CURTIS,

BUT...

I LOVE YOU, BABY.

ME, TOO.

OK, OK. ENOUGH MOOSH. YOU

DISGUST ME. YOU PEOPLE WOULDN'T

LAST 10 MINUTES IN MY COUNTRY.

WHERE EXACTLY IS YOUR

COUNTRY?

HOLLY SPRINGS, MISSISSIPPI.

THAT MAKES SENSE.

OK, THE BABIES ARE HERE.

COME ON IN, HARLEM

GLOBETROTTERS.

OH! GIVE HIM TO ME.

OH, BE CAREFUL, NOW.

EVERYBODY, WE WOULD LIKE TO

INTRODUCE YOU TO JADEN AND

HAYDEN PAYNE.

JADEN AND HAYDEN? YOU HAD

NO GOOD NAMES? GIVE THEM SOME

STRONG NAMES, LIKE ALBERTINA,

INEZ, CASSIETTA, SHIRLEY.

CURTIS, THOSE ARE THE

CARAVANS.

COME ON, PASTOR...

GET THE CAMERA, GET THE

CAMERA.

COME ON, PASTOR. SING

A BLESSING OVER THE BABIES.

* JESUS LOVES THE LITTLE

CHILDREN *

* ALL OF THE CHILDREN OF THE

WORLD *

* RED AND YELLOW, BLACK AND

WHITE *

* THEY ARE PRECIOUS IN HIS

SIGHT *

* JESUS LOVES THE LITTLE

CHILDREN OF THE WORLD *

* HE'S GOT THE LITTLE BITTY

BABIES IN HIS HAND *

* HE'S GOT THE LITTLE BITTY

BABIES IN HIS HAND *

* HE'S GOT THE LITTLE BITTY

BABIES IN HIS HAND *

* HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN

HIS HAND *