Original subtitles

I CAN'T WAIT TILL ME AND

CALVIN ARE PREGNANT.

All: OH, YES, YOU CAN.

OKAY, EVERYTHING'S SET UP FOR

THE REHEARSAL.

OH, AND I PUT ROSE PETALS ALL

AROUND YOUR CHAIR, BABY.

OH, YOU ARE THE BEST HUSBAND

IN THE WORLD.

ACTUALLY, MIRANDA, YOU WILL

HAVE THE SECOND-BEST HUSBAND IN

THE WORLD.

OH. THANK YOU, BABY.

GIVE ME SOME. MWAH.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

YEAH, GO ON, TELL THEM, BABY.

BABY, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST

HELP C.J. PUT AWAY THOSE

GROCERIES?

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW I'M JUST KIDDING.

YOU ARE THE BEST.

I KNOW I AM!

HUH!

[ LAUGHS ]

ALL RIGHT, WHO ELSE THE BEST

HUSBAND?

WHO ELSE THE BEST HUSBAND?

DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I'M DIVORCED.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

WAIT, HOW MUCH ALL THIS FOOD

COST?

COME ON, CURTIS, WE AGREED TO

SPLIT THE COST, YOU KNOW, FOR

THE REHEARSAL DINNER AND THE

WEDDING.

MIRANDA IS MY BABY GIRL, AND

MONEY IS NO OBJECT.

WELL, MY OBJECT IS TO KEEP MY

MONEY.

COME ON, POPS.

STOP COMPLAINING.

THE DINNER IS GONNA BE FINE.

MATTER OF FACT, I WANT YOU TO

GIVE A SPEECH.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR WHAT

I HAVE TO SAY.

HIT ME AGAIN.

OH, COME ON. TRY IT FOR US.

SHE DON'T KNOW.

SHE DON'T...

OH, OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

CURTIS.

NO, LET ME DO THIS.

WEDDING CAKE -- $600.

FLOWERS -- $1,000.

PHOTOGRAPHER -- $3,000.

NOT TELLING YOU ALL AND THE

WEDDING AND THE BILLS TO GO TO

HELL...

PRICELESS.

**

[ HORN HONKING, SIREN WAILING ]

NOW, WITH ALL THAT I HAVE

SHOWN YOU ABOUT COOKING, YOU CAN

BRIBE A MAN WITH SOME FOOD.

WHENEVER I WANT CURTIS TO DO

ANYTHING FOR ME, I JUST SMOTHER

HIM A PORK CHOP.

MM-HMM.

OH, YEAH.

WHEN YOU HEAT THINGS UP IN THE

KITCHEN, YOU CAN HEAT THINGS UP

ELSEWHERE.

MMM!

OKAY, SANDRA, SANDRA.

YOU DON'T WANT TO JUST DO THAT.

I'M SORRY.

YOU WANT HIM TO COOK EVERY

ONCE IN A WHILE.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

AND WHATSONEVER YOU DO, DON'T

EVER COOK.

EVEN IF SHE THREATENS TO

LEAVE YOU.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

I-IS IT THAT SERIOUS?

All: YES.

BUT CAN'T I JUST COOK HER,

LIKE, SOME BREAKFAST?

NO. NO.

'CAUSE ONCE YOU COOK THE FIRST

TIME, SHE'S GONNA EXPECT YOU TO

COOK ALL THE TIME.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WHEN SHE CUTS THAT STOVE ON, YOU

ACT LIKE A CAVEMAN, LIKE IT'S

THE FIRST TIME YOU EVER SEEN

FIRE.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

[ Deep voice ] WHAT Y'ALL

DOING?

[ Normal voice ] CURTIS, LISTEN.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA GO

TO THE STORE, OKAY?

[ Deep voice ] OKAY.

[ GRUNTING ]

OH, AND NEVER ADMIT THAT YOU

ARE WRONG.

RIGHT, AND I'M SPEAKING TO

YOU AS YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR

ATTORNEY.

YOU'RE INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN

GUILTY.

YES, ONCE YOU ADMIT YOU'RE

WRONG, YOU LOSE YOUR POWER.

OKAY, BUT WHAT IF I REALLY AM

WRONG?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

EVEN IF YOU ARE WRONG, YOU

STILL ARE RIGHT.

YEP.

HMM.

THIS IS REALLY CONFUSING.

OH, PLEASE.

YES? WHAT -- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I'M JUST GOING TO GET A

COUPLE OF BEERS FOR THE FELLAS.

OH, BABY, THERE'S NO BEER

HERE.

WHY NOT?

I TOLD YOU TO GET SOME.

CURTIS, YOU -- YOU DID NOT

TELL ME TO GET ANY BEER.

YES, I DID, BABY.

WHEN YOU WENT TO THE STORE, I

TOLD YOU TO PICK UP SOME BEER.

CURTIS, DID YOU GIVE ME MONEY

FOR BEER?

YES.

OKAY, IF YOU GAVE ME MONEY

FOR BEER, WHY IS THERE NO BEER

HERE?

OKAY, YOU RIGHT.

I FORGOT TO GET THAT BEER.

[ LAUGHS ]

I THINK I UNDERSTAND.

IF YOU REMEMBER JUST ONE

THING, REMEMBER THIS.

EVEN WHEN SHE'S WRONG...

Both: SHE'S RIGHT.

ALL THE TIME?

Both: IF YOU WANT TO SLEEP AT

NIGHT, ALL THE TIME.

WELL, MY WEDDING IS GOING TO

BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.

NOTHING IS GOING TO GO WRONG.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

BABY, WE ARE THE PAYNES.

IT'S NEVER PERFECT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

LISTEN, CURTIS WAS ALMOST --

WHAT? -- THREE HOURS LATE FOR

OUR WEDDING.

YES, HE WAS, AND THE ORGANIST

JUST CHANGED OUR WEDDING SONG TO

"AT LAST."

Both: ETTA JAMES.

ETTA JAMES.

ETTA JAMES.

OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE.

C.J. -- C.J. AND I HAD AN

APPOINTMENT TO GET MARRIED AT

CITY HALL.

I TRIED TO GIVE HIM DIRECTIONS.

DID HE LISTEN?

NO.

NO. WE END UP AT THE D.M.V.

I GOT MY LICENSE RENEWED, BUT WE

HAD TO WAIT A WHOLE NOTHER WEEK

TO GET MARRIED.

OOH, THAT'S NOTHING.

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY

CEREMONY, SOMEONE STARTS TO BOO.

BOO?

BOO, BOO.

LIKE "BOO, BOO" AND HISSING AND

"BOO" AND HISSING.

UNH-UNH.

OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW, I TRIED

TO IGNORE IT, YOU KNOW.

I'M STANDING THERE AT THE ALTAR.

I'M LOOKING FIERCE!

GORGEOUS!

AH! YOUR DAD --

YOUR DAD WAS SO HANDSOME.

OH, MY GOD.

AND, YOU KNOW, I FINALLY

COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, SO I

TURNED AROUND AND TOLD JEFFREY'S

MOTHER TO SHUT UP!

THAT WAS NOT HIS--

IT WAS GRANDMA?

I HISSED AT HER.

YOU DO RIGHT BY ME.

I'VE GOT MY EYES ON YOU.

SO, UH, DANA, BABY, YOU COME

HERE OFTEN?

I WORK HERE.

OH, WORK. THAT'S COOL.

THAT'S COOL.

SO, UH, HOW THAT WORKING OUT FOR

YOU, BABY?

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST,

HUH, CAL?

HATE TO SEE YOU GO, PLAYER, BUT

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET MY PARTY ON

AT YOUR RECEPTION.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

YOU GOT INVITED TO THE

RECEPTION?

'CAUSE MY INVITATION SAID

"WEDDING ONLY."

YEAH. ME, TOO.

SAME HERE.

OKAY. LOOK, GUYS.

I CAN EXPLAIN.

I WANTED TO INVITE ALL OF YOU,

BUT WE'RE A LITTLE TIGHT ON

SPACE.

AND MONEY.

AND THAT'S WHY I ONLY INVITED

MY BOY DELANTE.

THAT IS SO BOOTLEG.

HOW YOU GONNA INVITE PEOPLE TO

THE WEDDING AND NOT THE

RECEPTION?

THAT'S LIKE TAKING SOMEBODY TO A

GAME AND KICKING THEM OUT AT

HALFTIME.

AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET

MY FLIRT ON?

HOW THEY GONNA FOCUS ON ME WHEN

THEY FOCUSING ON THE BRIDE?

THAT AIN'T NEVER STOPPED YOU

BEFORE.

LOOK, YOU ALL CAN COME TO THE

RECEPTION.

OUCH!

THANK YOU.

THE HELL THEY CAN!

JEFFREY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT?

I ALREADY DID A HEAD COUNT, AND

WE ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH HEADS,

THANK YOU.

LOOK, POPS, I'LL PAY FOR THE

EXTRA PEOPLE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY EXTRA-PEOPLE

MONEY?

NO.

DIDN'T THINK SO.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU NEED TO

START A FIGHT WITH A COUPLE OF

YOUR FRIENDS SO THEY DON'T SHOW

UP.

AND THEN WE'LL HAVE MUSIC AS

THE WEDDING PARTY PROCEEDS DOWN

THE AISLE.

OKAY.

AS THE WEDDING PARTY PROCEEDS

DOWN THE AISLE?

WOULD Y'ALL COME ON?!

SO THEN, UH, I HAD ALMOST

DIED IN THE FIRE, BUT, SEE, MY

UNCLE -- MY UNCLE HAD FOUND ME,

AND I COULD HAVE SAVED MYSELF,

BUT I WAS UNCONSCIOUS.

I KIND OF -- YOU KNOW,

EVERYTHING WAS COOL, BUT, UH...

OUCH!

NICE TALKING TO YOU.

ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT'S ALL

I GOT TO DO TO BE REHEARSING,

BE SITTING DOWN?

I COULD HAVE DONE THIS WATCHING

THE GAME.

CURTIS, PLEASE JUST BE QUIET.

AND, UM, C.J. AND JULIE ARE

GONNA BE FOLLOWED BY THE FLOWER

GIRL AND THE RING BEARER.

OH, MIRANDA'S NEPHEW IS SICK

WITH THE CHICKEN POX.

SO MALIK HAS TO FILL IN FOR HIM.

[ GROANS ]

I FEEL RIDICULOUS.

YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS, TOO.

I'M TOO OLD TO BE A RING

BEARER.

AND WHEN MIRANDA AND HER

FATHER REACH THE TOP OF THE

AISLE, THEN WE'LL HAVE EVERYONE

TO STAND, AND YOU TWO WILL COME

TOWARD ME, AND EVERYONE WILL

STAND.

OH!

CURTIS, STAND UP.

IT'S PRACTICE.

WE GOT TO STAND UP FOR

REHEARSAL?

AND THEN I'LL ASK, "WHO

GIVETH THIS WOMAN TO BE MARRIED

TO THIS MAN," AND YOU'LL ANSWER,

"I DO," AND -- YOU'LL ANSWER, "I

DO."

I DO.

AND THEN YOU'LL JOIN YOUR

WIFE.

WHO?

YOUR WIFE.

OKAY?

UH, PASTOR, CAN WE SIT DOWN

NOW?

YES, PLEASE.

YOU CAN BE SEATED.

HE SAID WE CAN SIT.

AND MIRANDA AND CALVIN, I'LL

HAVE YOU FACE EACH OTHER, AND

THEN I'LL -- I'LL BEGIN THE

MARRIAGE VOWS.

I'LL SAY, "MIRANDA LUCAS, DO YOU

TAKE THIS MAN TO BE YOUR LAW--"

OH!

BABY? MIRANDA?

CURTIS.

I GUESS THAT'S A NO.

SHE FAINTED AT THE REHEARSAL

BEFORE SAYING, "I DO."

NOW, YOU KNOW THAT CAN'T BE

GOOD.

C.J., SHUT UP.

MR. LUCAS, IS SHE GONNA BE ALL

RIGHT?

CALVIN, JUST GIVE HER SOME

AIR.

BABY, YOU OKAY SITTING UP?

YEAH, YEAH. I THINK I'M OKAY.

I'M GOOD.

OKAY, MIRANDA, BABY, WHEN WAS

THE LAST TIME YOU ATE SOMETHING?

I GUESS I FORGOT TO EAT.

[ SCOFFS ]

FORGOT TO EAT?

I AIN'T NEVER FORGOT TO EAT.

All: WE KNOW.

OKAY, JUST AS A PRECAUTION,

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE

HOSPITAL.

COME ON.

YEAH, I'M GOING WITH YOU.

WAIT, BABY. NO, NO.

YOU NEED TO STAY HERE FOR THE

REST OF THE REHEARSAL DINNER,

OKAY, PLEASE?

NO, BABY, I NEED TO BE WITH

YOU -- COME ON.

LOOK, UH, MAY I HAVE YOUR

ATTENTION, PLEASE?

THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT, BUT

THE DINNER IS CANCELED.

WHAT?! NO, IT'S NOT!

THE DINNER'S NOT CANCELED!

I DONE SPENT TOO MUCH MONEY ON

THIS FOOD!

NOW, EVERYBODY GET IN THE

HOUSE, COME ON AND EAT, AND

ENJOY IT!

ELLA, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO

IT.

PASTOR, JUST KEEP PRAYING FOR

ME, OKAY?

WHERE THE FOOD AT?

WAIT, WAIT.

HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD IT.

KIKI, THIS IS A PRIVATE PARTY.

LET ME TALK TO YOU PRIVATELY.

[ WHISPERING ]

OKAY, CALM DOWN.

YOU CAN HAVE DINNER, BUT NO

CAKE.

[ WHISPERING ]

OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE CAKE.

THAT'S MY GIRL.

YOU GUYS CAN HAVE THE CAKE.

I SEE SOMETHING SWEET OVER HERE.

HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD, SO WHAT DO YOU DO FOR

A LIVING?

OH, I'M -- I'M A PASTOR.

PASS WHAT?

I'M -- I'M A PASTOR.

OKAY, I'M GONNA PASS.

THEY WILL FLEE.

WON'T THEY, PASTOR?

YEAH, IF YOU REBUKE THEM.

EVERYBODY, CAN I HAVE YOUR

ATTENTION, PLEASE?

CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST.

OH.

MALIK, GET YOUR CAMERA.

CALVIN IS LIKE A -- LIKE A

BROTHER TO ME.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

LET ME GET ME SOMETHING TO

DRINK.

I WISH YOU WOULD.

I WISH YOU WOULD.

DAD, IT'S JUST SODA.

OH, OKAY. OKAY.

OKAY, GO AHEAD.

WELL, ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS

SAYING...CALVIN IS LIKE -- LIKE

A BROTHER TO ME.

IF I WERE GONNA PICK THE PERFECT

WOMAN FOR CALVIN, EVEN THOUGH

HE'S NOT HERE, I WOULD PICK

MIRANDA.

AND, MIRANDA, EVEN THOUGH SHE'S

NOT HERE...

UH, I WISH YOU TWO WONDERFUL,

WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER MANY,

MANY YEARS TO COME.

All: HEAR, HEAR!

HEAR, HEAR.

I'M NEXT.

I'M NEXT. I'M NEXT. I'M NEXT.

OKAY, I'M FORTUNATE IN THAT I'M

NOT LOSING MY BABY -- THANK

YOU -- EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT

HERE, BUT I AM GAINING A

DAUGHTER, EVEN THOUGH SHE'S NOT

HERE.

BUT I JUST WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT

TO THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL COMING

OUT AND SHARING IN THIS MOMENT

OF TIME WITH US.

PASTOR RICHARDS, THANK YOU SO

MUCH.

AND, OH, CALVIN, MIRANDA, GOD

BLESS YOU, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE

NOT HERE.

All: HEAR, HEAR!

HEAR, HEAR.

MY TURN, MY TURN, MY TURN.

UH, FIRST, I WANT TO SAY, WE

APPRECIATE EVERYBODY COMING ON

THIS WONDERFUL OCCASION --

EVERYBODY, ESPECIALLY YOU,

PASTOR RICHARDS.

WE'RE SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE

TO REPRESENT GOD.

YOU AND ELLA.

SO... WE MEET OUR QUOTA.

OKAY, AND, UH, LIKE THE GOOD

BOOK SAY...

WHAT IT SAY?

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

DON'T ASK HIM THAT.

I KNEW HE WAS GONNA ASK ME

THAT.

IT SAY, UH, SEND THE CHILD OFF

INTO THE WILDERNESS FOR 40 DAYS.

AND IF HE SEE HIS SHADOW --

CURTIS.

...UH, IT WILL BE WINTER FOR

TWO MORE MONTHS.

CURTIS.

AMEN.

ANYWAY, AND, UH, LOOK.

I BOUGHT EVERYTHING HERE.

I PAID -- I PAID HALF FOR IT.

SO DRINK UP, 'CAUSE THAT'S ALL

YOU'RE GETTING.

AND, UH, JOY AND HAPPINESS TO

CALVIN, MIRANDA, BLAH, BLAH,

BLAH.

EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE NOT HERE.

HEAR, HEAR.

HEAR, HEAR -- HEY!

I-I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.

EXCUSE ME.

HEAR, HEAR.

HI. I'M FLOYD.

All: HEY, FLOYD.

THIS IS JUST LIKE AT MY

MEETINGS.

NICE.

ANYWAY, I'M THE OWNER OF

IN THE CUT BARBERSHOP -- HEY --

AND I TAUGHT CALVIN EVERYTHING

HE KNOW ABOUT BARBERING, BUT

OBVIOUSLY NOT ENOUGH ABOUT

FRIENDSHIP, BECAUSE HE DIDN'T

EVEN INVITE ME TO THE RECEPTION

OR TO THE DINNER.

WHY THE HATE, CALVIN? WHY?

FLOYD.

FLOYD, NO HATE, NO HATE.

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL TOAST.

ARE WE HAVING TOAST?

OH!

NO, THAT WASN'T MY TOAST.

THAT WASN'T MY TOAST.

HEY, I WANT TO TOAST TO THE --

TO THE DIDE AND THE

GROOM-BADOOM.

FLOYD, THE BRIDE AND THE

GROOM ARE NOT HERE.

WHAT?! WHAT?!

MIRANDA DONE LEFT HIM ALREADY?!

OH!

[ SOBBING ]

WELL, HERE'S TO -- THE LOVE

AND -- AND EAT, DRINK, AND BE

MERRY.

J. BLIGE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

MY HOUSE IS SU CASA.

UH, FLOYD?

YES?

THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE.

IT'S NOT? WHEW.

I AM SO GLAD YOU SAID SOMETHING,

'CAUSE, BROTHER, I'M ABOUT TO BE

SICK.

CURTIS.

GET HIM. GET HIM. GET HIM.

GET HIM. GET HIM.

CURTIS, TAKE HIM TO THE BACK!

CURTIS! GET HIM!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

HE'S IN THE COUCH! FLOYD!

CURTIS!

COME ON, NOW.

[ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

SOMEHOW, THAT WAITING ROOM

WAS SO DRAINING.

YEAH, YOU'D THINK MY BEING A

DOCTOR WOULD HAVE SPED THINGS

UP, BUT WE SAT SO LONG, I HAD TO

END UP TREATING TWO PEOPLE

MYSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHY DON'T YOU TWO GET BACK TO

THE HOTEL?

I CAN TAKE CARE OF MIRANDA.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA.

OKAY, BABY. GIVE MAMA A KISS.

I LOVE YOU. FEEL BETTER, BABY.

BYE, CALVIN.

ALL RIGHT. BYE-BYE.

OKAY. GOOD NIGHT, BABY.

OH, GOOD NIGHT.

UNH-UNH-UNH.

I WAS TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER.

OH.

MWAH.

GOOD NIGHT, DADDY.

[ SIGHS ]

BOY.

PASTOR RICHARDS, I JUST WANT

TO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING

BY.

HI, BABY. HOW ARE YOU?

PASTOR, COME ON IN.

HAVE A SEAT.

OH, ARE YOU BETTER?

I FEEL BETTER.

CALVIN TOOK REALLY GREAT CARE OF

ME.

I CANNOT WAIT TO MARRY THIS MAN

TOMORROW.

YOU SEE?

THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT -- PEOPLE

STAYING TOGETHER IN SICKNESS AND

IN HEALTH.

PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

PEOPLE DON'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT

ANYMORE.

BUT CALVIN AND MIRANDA, THIS IS

FOR YOU.

* I STILL BELIEVE IN MARRIAGES

MADE IN HEAVEN *

* AND THAT LOVE WILL CONQUER

ALL *

* I'VE BEEN HURT BUT NOT

DECEIVED *

* REGARDLESS TO WHATEVER

HAPPENS, I STILL BELIEVE *

* REMEMBER, FAITH THE SIZE OF A

MUSTARD SEED *

* HAS THE POTENTIAL OF ENDLESS

POSSIBILITIES *

* AND IF YOU'LL JUST KEEP THE

FAITH *

* THE PROMISE OF A BETTER DAY IS

GUARANTEED *

* I STILL BELIEVE *

* IN WATERFALLS AND SUNSETS *

* AND THAT DREAMS REALLY DO COME

TRUE *

* HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL IN THOSE

WHO SUCCEED *

* AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,

I WANT YOU TO KNOW *

* STILL BELIEVE *

* YEAH *

* STILL BELIEVE *

THANKS.

WHOO!