Original subtitles

C.J.: YOU GOT TO STOP SPOILING US

WITH THESE FABULOUS MEALS.

MAN, I THINK I JUST GAINED FIVE POUNDS.

Ella: C.J., I AM NOT SPOILING YOU, BUT THANK YOU.

I JUST LOVE COOKING FOR MY FAMILY.

Calvin: WE LOVE YOU LOVING TO COOK.

Curtis: AND I LOVE IT WHEN YOU KISS UP.

COME ON, Y'ALL. BREAKFAST WAS OKAY.

THE GRITS WERE LUMPY. THE COFFEE WAS WEAK.

I MEAN, BUT IT'LL DO THE TRICK.

Calvin: THAT'S NOT NICE, POPS.

Curtis: WHAT? I'M JUST SAYING

IT'S NOT YOUR MOTHER'S BEST WORK.

Ella: WATCH IT, CURTIS. WATCH IT, OKAY?

Curtis: BABY, DON'T GET ALL SENSITIVE ON ME, NOW.

COME ON, NOW. COME ON.

I'M JUST SAYING YOU AIN'T PUT YOUR FOOT IN IT

LIKE YOU USUALLY DO, THAT'S ALL.

Ella: WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE

I CAN PUT MY FOOT IN.

C.J.: OOH! HELLO!

Malik: AUNTIE ELLA, I THOUGHT BREAKFAST WAS GREAT.

IF I WASN'T IN TRAINING, I WOULD HAVE HAD SECONDS.

Ella: THANK YOU.

Curtis: SO HOW LONG YOU GONNA KEEP UP

WITH THIS LITTLE DIET OF YOURS, MALIK?

Malik: UNCLE CURTIS, IT'S NOT A DIET.

I'M IN TRAINING FOR FOOTBALL.

YOU KNOW? HUT, HUT, HUT, HIKE.

Curtis: HUT, HUT, HUT, HUT!

[ LAUGHS ]

SCORE!

SINCE WHEN DID YOU START LIKING FOOTBALL?

Jazmine: WELL, SINCE APRIL BECAME CAPTAIN

OF THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD.

Calvin: WHO'S APRIL?

Jazmine: SOME GIRL MALIK HAS NO CHANCE WITH.

Malik: BE QUIET, OKAY?

AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, COUSIN CALVIN,

APRIL IS THE FINEST GIRL IN THE 7th GRADE.

C.J.: AND MALIK MUST REALLY LIKE HER A LOT,

BECAUSE HE WENT ONLINE AND STUDIED EVERYTHING

THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT FOOTBALL.

Ella: ALL OF THIS FOR SOME GIRL?

C.J.: OH, NOT JUST "SOME GIRL".

Ella: OKAY. C.J.: APRIL!

YEAH!

COME ON, NOW, LET'S GET TO SCHOOL BEFORE Y'ALL BE LATE.

Calvin: I'M PROUD OF YOU, BIG DOG.

REMINDS ME OF A MINI-ME.

C.J.: WELL, LET'S HOPE THAT ONLY APPLIES TO LADIES,

'CAUSE I'D LIKE FOR THIS BOY TO FINISH SCHOOL.

Curtis: HA!

C.J.: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

THAT'S THE WAY YOU GET UP IN IT, BOY.

TEAR THAT PLACE UP!

Ella: YEAH! Curtis: WHAT HAPPENED?

C.J.: HA!

THAT'S THE BOY, RIGHT THERE!

Ella: MALIK, HOW WAS PRACTICE?

Malik: IT WAS GREAT. IT WAS GREAT.

Curtis: ALL RIGHT... THE PAYNE!

WHY YOU WALKING LIKE THAT?

Malik: WELL, AFTER PRACTICE,

I SPRINTED UP THE BLEACHERS FOR APRIL.

Curtis: OKAY! HE SPRINTED AFTER PRACTICE.

THAT'S WHY HE SORE NOW.

C.J.: NO, HE MISSED A STEP,

AND HE ROLLED DOWN THREE FLIGHTS.

Curtis: OW.

Malik: APRIL HELPED ME UP,

SO I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD.

C.J.: HEY, MALIK. HYAH!

Malik: [ WEAKLY ] HYAH!

Curtis: THAT'S FOOTBALL TALK RIGHT THERE.

C.J.: GET TO YOUR HOMEWORK, MAN.

GET TO YOUR HOMEWORK.

Malik: AAH!

Calvin: SO, C.J., HOW'D HE REALLY DO?

C.J.: HE SUCKS!

Ella: [ LAUGHS ] NO!

C.J.: BOY IS TERRIBLE.

Calvin: IF HE'S ANYTHING LIKE ME,

HE'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET WITH THAT GIRL APRIL.

C.J.: I HOPE SO, 'CAUSE FOOTBALL IS NOT HIS GAME.

Jazmine: PEOPLE, STOP KIDDING YOURSELVES.

MALIK WON'T BE GOOD AT FOOTBALL

OR WITH GIRLS.

HE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE A MONK.

C.J.: A MONK?

JAZMINE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT A MONK IS?

Jazmine: YEP. MALIK.

C.J.: ANYWAY, HIS FIRST GAME IS TOMORROW,

SO I THOUGHT THAT EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT THAT GOOD,

THAT WE'D ALL GO AND SUPPORT HIM.

YOU KNOW, MAKE IT A FAMILY OUTING.

Ella: GOOD. WE'LL GO. Curtis: "GOOD," WHAT?

WE AIN'T GOIN' OVER THERE.

WHAT YOU WANT TO GO WATCH HIM FOR?

HE JUST SAID THE BOY CAN'T PLAY.

ME AND YOUR AUNTIE STAYING HERE.

WE'RE NOT GOING.

Ella: I CAN SPEAK FOR MYSELF, THANK YOU.

Curtis: YOU RIGHT, BABY. I'M SORRY.

GO ON AND TELL HIM WE STAYING HERE.

WE NOT GOING.

Ella: ACTUALLY, I WANT TO SEE MALIK PLAY.

Curtis: ELLA, STOP. SEE HIM FOR WHAT?

BABY, HE'S PROBABLY JUST A BENCH WARMER.

Ella: EVEN IF HE IS, WE STILL NEED

TO GO AND JUST SHOW OUR SUPPORT.

Curtis: BABY, THAT'S WHAT HE GOT

A PARENT FOR-- TO SUPPORT HIM.

OKAY? NOW, COME ON, BABY.

I SAY WE DO SOMETHING SPECIAL. ME AND YOU.

Ella: JUST ME AND YOU?

Curtis: ME AND YOU-- SOMETHING SPECIAL.

ME PLANNING IT,

BUT ME AND MY BABY DOING SOMETHING SPECIAL.

Ella: HA HA HA! C.J.!

C.J., WE'RE GONNA CATCH THE NEXT GAME.

Jazmine: IF THERE IS A NEXT GAME.

KNOWING MALIK, HE'LL GET CUT FROM THE BENCH.

C.J.: MAN, YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT GONNA COME WITH US

TO THE FOOTBALL GAME? Curtis: I'M SURE.

I WANT TO BE WHEREVER YOU ALL ARE NOT.

Jazmine: YEAH, I FEEL THE SAME WAY.

SO, ARE YOU SURE THAT I CAN'T KICK IT

WITH YOU AND AUNTIE ELLA?

Curtis: LITTLE GIRL...UGH!

YOU GONNA GET KICKED.

NOW, GET OUT NOW.

Jazmine: WHY ARE YOU SO EVIL?

Calvin: DON'T LET HIM GET YOU DOWN, LIL' BIT.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME WITHOUT HIM.

C.J.: AUNT ELLA, WE'RE LEAVING.

Curtis: HEY, MALIK, DO ME A FAVOR.

DON'T TELL ANYBODY YOU'RE A PAYNE.

Malik: OKAY, UNCLE CURTIS, I WON'T.

Curtis: THANK YOU.

Ella: ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS GO

AND HAVE FUN.

MALIK, PLEASE, DON'T GET HURT.

Curtis: BABY, IT'S FOOTBALL. HE'S GONNA GET HURT.

Jazmine: YES!

C.J.: LITTLE GIRL, COME ON.

Ella: BYE, BABE.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

Curtis: WHOO!

Ella: TA-DA! Curtis: TA-DA!

Ella: NO, NO, NO.

TA-DA!

CURTIS, LOOK HERE.

Curtis: WHY YOU ALL DRESSED UP?

Ella: BECAUSE I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING OUT.

Curtis: WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT?

Ella: BECAUSE YESTERDAY YOU SAID IT.

YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE GOING TO PLAN

SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR JUST US, REMEMBER?

Curtis: YEAH, I DID, AND THIS IT.

WE GOT A SPECIAL-- THERE'S A SPECIAL

ON TV TONIGHT.

US.

Ella: CURTIS, THAT IS NOT SPECIAL.

WE ALWAYS WATCH TV.

Curtis: NOT LIKE THIS, ELLA.

LOOK. BABY, LISTEN, LISTEN.

SILENCE. PEACE. NOBODY'S HERE.

THERE'S USUALLY 50 PEOPLE RUNNING THROUGH HERE, BABY.

Ella: CURTIS, I WANT TO GO OUT, OKAY?

IF I'D KNOWN WE WERE GONNA WATCH TV,

I WOULD HAVE GONE TO THE GAME.

Curtis: I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

Ella: THANK YOU.

Curtis: WE'RE NOT JUST GONNA WATCH TV.

WHEN THIS SHOW GO OFF,

I'M TAKING YOU IN THE BACK ROOM,

AND WE GONNA MAKE A TV SHOW OF OUR OWN.

HELLO! Ella: CURTIS--

Curtis: BUT FOR RIGHT NOW, SHH.

Ella: YOU SAID WE WOULD DO SOMETHING SPECIAL.

AND TRUST ME, DOING THAT IS NOT ALWAYS SPECIAL.

Curtis: THAT'S WHY WE'RE GONNA DO IT

WITH THE HONEY MUSTARD THIS TIME.

HA HA!

GET READY TO GET GLAZED.

Ella: CURTIS.

LET'S GO DANCING.

DANCING!

Curtis: BABY, DO YOU KNOW,

AFTER THE MOVIE GO OFF... Ella: WHAT?

Curtis:...THERE'S A SHOW, THE DANCE SHOW COME ON.

THEY COME BACK TO BACK,

AND WE GONNA-- SO WE SEE THE MOVIE,

THEN WE WATCH THAT.

Ella: CURTIS.

Curtis: WHAT YOU DOING? Ella: AH AH AH!

Curtis: ELLA-- Ella: MARRIAGE...

IS A COMPROMISE, OKAY?

I GET TIRED, TOO. Curtis: ELLA, DON'T DO THIS.

Ella: BUT I STILL COOK FOR YOU

AND CLEAN UP FOR YOU

AND DO YOU-KNOW-WHAT WHEN YOU WANT TO.

AND SOMETIMES, CURTIS, I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE IT.

Curtis: AND I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT, BABY.

I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.

Ella: NO, YOU DON'T.

YOU TAKE ME FOR GRANTED.

Curtis: UNH-UNH! Ella: YES, YOU DO.

YES, YOU DO. Curtis: SHH, SHH.

Ella: BUT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, IT'S MINE.

I MUST BE THE DUMBEST WOMAN ON EARTH TO MARRY YOU.

Curtis: [ WHISPERING ] BABY, I CAN'T...

Ella: YOU'RE SELFISH, YOU'RE S...

Curtis: ELLA, BABY, I'M SITTING HERE

TRYING TO WATCH THE MOVIE.

Ella: [ GROANS ]

Curtis: YOU BEING REAL SELFISH RIGHT NOW.

WHY ARE YOU SLAMMING DOORS? I'M WATCHING THE MOVIE.

C.J.: AHH!

Jazmine: YEAH! WHOO! C.J.: YOU WAS KILLING 'EM.

Curtis: COME ON, NOW. COME ON.

Calvin: SORRY, POPS, BUT YOU MISSED A GOOD GAME.

C.J.: YEAH, MAN. MALIK RECOVERED A FUMBLE

AND RAN THAT THING IN FOR A TOUCHDOWN!

Malik: WHOO! I WAS SO SMOOTH.

WHOO! I FAKED TO THE LEFT,

THEN I FAKED TO THE RIGHT.

I WAS HEADING FOR THE END ZONE.

Calvin: BIG DOG BROKE FIVE TACKLES.

Malik: MAN, THEY WAS COMING AT ME HARD,

AND DID I CARE?

I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THEM,

'CAUSE I WAS IN A ZONE, MAN.

C.J.: THEN HE GOT CHARGED WITH A PENALTY

FOR UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT

FOR DANCING IN THE END ZONE.

Curtis: OH, UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT.

Malik: WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT,

'CAUSE APRIL SAYS SHE'LL CALL ME LATER.

C.J.: HOT DOG!

Calvin: SO YOU GAVE HER YOUR NUMBER?

THAT'S A NICE MOVE.

Malik: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.

I DIDN'T GIVE HER MY NUMBER, MAN!

YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M LOOKING UP

EVERYBODY IN THE PHONE BOOK

WITH HER LAST NAME.

I'M GONNA FIND HER. I'M GONNA FIND HER.

Curtis: THERE YOU GO, BOY!

C.J.: JAZMINE, GO AND GET READY FOR DINNER.

GET WASHED UP.

HEY, HOW COME I DON'T SMELL NOTHING COOKING?

Curtis: I THINK WE ON OUR OWN TONIGHT.

YOUR AUNTIE'S BACK THERE TAKING A NAP.

Calvin: SO, HOW'D IT GO WITH YOU AND MOM TODAY?

Curtis: NOT SO GOOD.

SHE'S MAD AT ME.

C.J.: WHAT'D YOU DO NOW?

Curtis: I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'.

APPARENTLY THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

SHE'S TALKING ABOUT I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER

OUT OR SOMETHING.

Calvin: WELL, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU TOLD HER?

Curtis: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE'S HEARING?

I DIDN'T SAY NOTHIN' ABOUT TAKING HER OUT.

SAID WE WAS GONNA DO SOMETHING SPECIAL.

THAT'S NOT "TAKING HER OUT".

C.J.: I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE STAYED MARRIED

TO YOU THIS LONG.

I'M GONNA GET WASHED UP FOR DINNER.

Calvin: POPS, IF YOU DON'T START

TREATING MOM RIGHT, SHE'S GONNA LEAVE YOU.

Curtis: WHATEVER!

ELLA!

HEY, ELLA, TELL THEM!

Madea: WHO THE HELL IS ELLA?

Curtis: Madea!

WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Madea: THE HELL YOU MEAN, "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?"

I LIVE HERE. Curtis: LIVE HERE?

Madea: LIVE HERE, AND I'M GONNA ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME.

WHO THE HELL IS ELLA?

YOU CHEATING ON ME, FOOL?

FOOL, YOU CHEATING ON ME?

YOU CHEATING ON ME?

Curtis: HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

HOLD ON. ELLA IS MY WIFE!

WHERE IS MY WIFE?

Madea: I AM YOUR WIFE, YOU JACKASS.

I BEEN ASKING MYSELF THAT SAME QUESTION

OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

"WHY DID I GET MARRIED?"

Curtis: QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH ME, MADEA.

WHAT YOU DONE DONE WITH ELLA?

Madea: WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU?

Curtis: C.J., CALVIN, GET OUT HERE!

C.J.: WHAT'S UP, UNC? Calvin: WHAT'S THE DEAL, POPS?

Curtis: LOOK. Madea: LOOK AT WHAT?

Curtis: LOOK!

WHO IS THAT? WHAT'S HER NAME?

C.J.: THAT'S MADEA. Curtis: THANK YOU!

I TOLD YOU, YOU ARE NOT MY WIFE!

Madea: I KNEW IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE THAT PORK GREASE WENT UP TO YOUR HEAD

AND CAUSED YOU TO HAVE BRAIN SLIPPERAGE.

Curtis: WHAT ARE YOU STANDING THERE FOR?

YOU LOOKING ALL CRAZY. WHAT'S WRONG?

C.J.: THAT'S YOUR WIFE, UNC.

Curtis: IS SHE?

Calvin: POP, WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO CRAZY?

Curtis: OKAY, HOLD UP, HOLD UP. I GOT TO GET THIS STRAIGHT.

I GOT TO GET THIS STRAIGHT.

OKAY. YOU'RE C.J., RIGHT?

C.J.: YEAH. Curtis: THANK YOU.

CALVIN?

MY ONLY BEGOTTEN, RIGHT? Calvin: RIGHT.

Curtis: OKAY. JAZI.

OKAY. MALIK.

YOU'RE MALIK-- MALIK PAYNE.

ON THE SHIRT, IT GOT "PAYNE" ON IT.

Jazmine: WHAT'S WRONG WITH UNCLE CURTIS?

Malik: I DON'T KNOW. I THINK HE'S FINALLY SNAPPED.

Madea: [ LAUGHS ]

Curtis: THIS IS THE MILLION-DOLLAR QUESTION.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTHER'S NAME?

Calvin: MADEA.

Curtis: MADEA'S NOT YOUR MOTHER!

Calvin: I'M ADOPTED?

Madea: YOU AIN'T ADOPTED.

THAT WAS THE WORST 3 AND A HALF SECONDS

OF MY LIFE, MAKING YOU.

GO IN THE KITCHEN AND SIT DOWN.

Y'ALL WORKING ON MY NERVES.

GO IN AND FIX SOMETHING FOR THEM TO EAT, CURTIS.

I'M WATCHING MY STORIES.

Jazmine: HE CAN'T COOK. YOU NEED TO DO IT.

Madea: FREEZE.

NOW, I KNOW THERE'S SOME OF Y'ALL

THAT WANT TO WRITE IN AND SAY THAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED

TO HIT NO "CHIR-REN" AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF.

GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.

I'M MADEA. I'M FINNA BEAT HER ASS.

WE GOIN' TO BLACK, AND WHEN I COME BACK,

SHE GONNA BE STRAIGHT.

CUT THE CAMERA OFF! PUT IT DOWN

ON THE DAMN FLOOR OR SOMETHING.

LOOK AT THE WALL OVER THERE WHILE I HANDLE THIS.

PUT THE CAMERA DOWN...

Jazmine: [ SCREAMING ] [ SMACKING SOUNDS ]

Madea: YOU DON'T SIT THERE AND TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Jazmine: [ CRYING ]

Madea: COME ON.

NOW, SORRY FOR ALL OF YOU PROPER PEOPLE

WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN CHILD ABUSE,

BUT I DO BELIEVE IN GETTING A CHILD STRAIGHT, OKAY?

UNFREEZE.

Jazmine: WHY DOES MY BOOM-BOOM HURT?

Madea: LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN, SHALT WE?

Y'ALL GO ON IN THE KITCHEN.

CURTIS, GO ON UP IN THERE AND FIX SOME FOOD

FOR THEM "CHIR-REN" TO EAT. GO ON IN THERE.

Jazmine: YES, MA'AM.

Madea: I SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE

AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON.

[ CHUCKLES, MUTTERS ]

Curtis: HEY, SON. WHEW!

GOOD TO SEE YOU. WHERE YOU GOING?

Calvin: TO THE HOSPITAL. MRS. SATTLELACK

IS READY TO DELIVER.

Curtis: ANYWAY. HEY, LOOK HERE.

I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT.

MATTER OF FACT, IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

Calvin: REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED, DAD?

Curtis: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

WHERE'S YOUR MOTHER AT, THOUGH?

'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY CLEAN UNIFORM SHIRTS.

Calvin: SHE WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE,

BUT SHE SHOULD BE RIGHT BACK.

SHE JUST HAD TO GET SOME CIGARETTES.

Curtis: OKAY. WAIT. HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

ELLA DON'T SMOKE.

Calvin: WHO'S ELLA?

Curtis: OH, MY GOD.

I'M STILL IN THE NIGHTMARE.

DID YOU GRADUATE?

Calvin: POPS, I'M A DOCTOR. YES.

Curtis: I MEAN, IT'S A GOOD NIGHTMARE IN A WAY,

BUT IT'S STILL A NIGHTMARE, 'CAUSE...

THAT MEANS I'M MARRIED--

I'M MARRIED TO MADEA?

Madea: HELLO! Curtis: AAH!

Madea: THE HELL'S WRONG WITH HIM?

Calvin: I HAVE NO IDEA. I GOT TO GO.

Madea: OKAY, I SEE YOU LATER.

Curtis: [ PRAYING ]

Madea: CURTIS, WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?

I DON'T FEEL LIKE BEING BOTHERED.

I JUST SAT IN THAT BEAUTY SALON FOR TWO HOURS

WAITING FOR AL SHARPTON TO GET FROM UNDER THE DRYER.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE BEING BOTHERED.

THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU GOT A PROBLEM OR SOMETHING?

Curtis: YES, I GOT A PROBLEM.

YOU MY PROBLEM.

NOW, I DON'T HAVE ANY CLEAN UNIFORM SHIRTS.

Madea: CURTIS, THE REASON YOU DON'T HAVE

ANY CLEANED UNIFORM SHIRTS IS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WASH THEM.

NOW, PLEASE GO SOMEWHERE AND TAKE THAT T-SHIRT OFF

AND PUT ON A SHIRT, THEM BAGS OF YOURS HANGING DOWN

LOWER THAN MINE.

Curtis: NO, THEY DON'T HANG LOWER THAN YOURS.

Madea: YOU WANT TO BET?

Curtis: LOOK, FIRST OF ALL,

I AIN'T COOKIN', MAKIN', SEWIN',

AND LAUNDRY-- WHATEVER IT IS

THAT Y'ALL SUPPOSED TO DO AS A WOMAN.

SECOND OF ALL, I'M TIRED OF YOU

BOSSING ME IN MY HOUSE.

YOU HEARD ME? THIS MY HOUSE!

I'M NOT GOIN' TO DO NOTHIN' IN MY HOUSE.

Madea: LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU.

I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU THINK I LOOK LIKE.

MAYBE YOU THINK I LOOK LIKE FLORENCE JEFFERSON,

BUT I DON'T COOK. I DON'T "CLEANT",

I DON'T SEW, AND I DON'T DO NONE OF THEM THINGS.

YOU UNDERSTAND? THAT'S YOUR WORK.

THAT'S WHAT THE HELL YOU GONNA DO,

'CAUSE I BOUGHT THIS HOUSE.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WAS ON THAT STRIPPER POLE

TRYING TO PAY FOR THIS HOUSE BEFORE YOU MOVED IN HERE?

YOU FINNA GET UP THERE

AND DO WHAT THE HELL I TOLD YOU TO DO.

NOW, I'M GONNA TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME.

YOU GOIN' UP IN THAT KITCHEN, AND YOU GONNA COOK,

AND THEN YOU COMIN' UP IN HERE

AND YOU'RE GONNA CLEAN UP. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

Curtis: I AIN'T DOIN' NOTH--

Madea: LORD, HAVE MERCY. CURTIS, HURRY UP!

I'M "THIRRTY". HURRY UP.

Madea: THANK YOU.

I DON'T TRUST YOU. SMELLS LIKE AMMONIA IN THERE.

Curtis: I PUT THE FOOD ON-- Madea: I'M WATCHING TV.

Curtis: AND TOOK OUT THE TRASH

AND SET AND CLEANED THE TABLE.

Madea: PAY THE BILLS AND BALANCE THE CHECKBOOK?

Curtis: YES, MOTHER DEAREST.

WHERE EVERYBODY GO? WHERE'S EVERYBODY AT?

Madea: I SENT 'EM TO GET SOME ICE CREAM.

Curtis: OH, GOOD! I WANT SOME ICE CREAM.

THEY DIDN'T ASK ME WHAT I WANT--

Madea: NO, NO. SIT DOWN.

I SENT THEM TO GET ICE CREAM

'CAUSE I WANTED US TO BE ALONE.

Curtis: ALONE-- ALONE LIKE HOW?

IN WHAT FORM?

Madea: ALONE.

Curtis: LIKE THIS?

Madea: HAVE YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON, CURTIS?

Curtis: YES, MA'AM.

Madea: YOU WANT THIS NIGHTMARE TO BE OVER?

Curtis: LIKE YESTERDAY.

Madea: THERE'S ONE THING MORE YOU HAVE TO DO.

Curtis: WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S THAT?

Madea: COME ON.

Curtis: HUH?

Madea: COME ON, CURTIS.

Curtis: [ CRIES ]

Madea: COME ON, CURTIS.

COME RUB MY FEET. YOU HEARD ME?

[ LAUGHS ]

Curtis: AAH!

C.J.: BIG DOG, YEAH!

Calvin: WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP.

Curtis: COME ON, ALL THAT NOISE.

Y'ALL SEE I'M TAKIN' A NAP?

Calvin: SORRY, POPS, BUT YOU MISSED A GOOD GAME.

C.J.: YEAH, MALIK RECOVERED A FUMBLE

AND RAN THAT THING IN FOR A TOUCHDOWN!

Curtis: WHAT?

Malik: I WAS SO SMOOTH.

WHOO! I FAKED TO THE LEFT,

THEN I FAKED TO THE RIGHT.

HEADED STRAIGHT TO THE END ZONE.

Calvin: BIG DOG BROKE FIVE TACKLES.

Malik: THEY WAS COMIN' AFTER ME HARD.

I DIDN'T CARE. I DIDN'T CARE.

I WAS IN THE ZONE.

Curtis: OH, THAT'S MY BOY!

KEEPIN' THE PAYNE NAME.

HEY, DID YOU TELL 'EM YOU...

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

THIS IS DEÉJAÁ VU. THIS IS DEÉJAÁ VU.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

C.J.: WELL, HE GOT A PENALTY FOR UNSPOR--

Curtis: UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT!

YES! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!

I'M NOT DREAMING.

I'M NOT DREAMING NOW. I WAS DREAMING.

C.J.: ARE YOU OKAY? Curtis: I COULDN'T BE BETTER.

BUT GUESS WHAT.

YOU ABOUT TO ASK ME

WHY YOU DON'T SMELL NOTHING IN THE HOUSE,

WHY YOU DON'T SMELL NO COOKING.

C.J.: BUT I DO SMELL FOOD COOKING.

Curtis: YOU DO?

OH, YOU DO!

YES!

[ LAUGHS ]

Jazmine: I THINK SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH UNCLE CURTIS.

C.J.: I THINK SO, TOO, BABY.

MALIK, JAZMINE, LET'S GET READY FOR DINNER.

Calvin: I NEED TO GET READY, TOO.

YEAH, EVERYBODY GET READY FOR DINNER,

'CAUSE WE GONNA EAT TONIGHT, BOY.

ELLA?

ELLA? YOU HEAR ME CALL--

Ella: CURTIS, STOP THAT YELLING.

Curtis: YES!

OOH! OOH! OOH! [ LAUGHS ]

Ella: WAIT A MINUTE.

Ella: WHAT IS IT? Curtis: OH, BABY.

Ella: WHAT IS IT? Curtis: I THOUGHT MADEA

WAS GONNA COME THROUGH THE KITCHEN

TEARING THE DOOR DOWN AND MESSING UP THE FRAMES.

Ella: MADEA?

Curtis: BABY, I HAD A NIGHTMARE.

MADEA WAS HERE ACTING LIKE SHE WAS MY WIFE OR SOMETHING.

DRIVING ME CRAZY, HAVING ME WASHING DISHES

AND COOKING AND TAKING OUT TRASH.

Ella: YEP, THAT WAS A DREAM, BABY,

'CAUSE I CAN'T GET YOU TO DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

Curtis: I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT.

I HAVE TAKEN YOU FOR GRANTED,

AND I KNOW THAT NOW.

YOU ARE A SPECIAL WOMAN, AND YOU ARE A GOOD WIFE.

AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT, BABY.

YOU HEARD ME?

C.J., CALVIN-- EVERYBODY, GET IN HERE!

Calvin: WHAT? Curtis: WE'RE GOING TO DINNER.

WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE.

Malik: OKAY.

C.J.: WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING?

Curtis: WE'RE CELEBRATING BECAUSE I'M MARRIED

TO THE MOST WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL,

FANTABULOUS WOMAN IN THE WIZ-ORLD.

C.J.: I SAY WE GO NOW BEFORE HE CHANGE HIS MIND.

Calvin: YEAH, I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Curtis: [ LAUGHS ] WHOO HOO HOO!

Ella: OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

Curtis: [ LAUGHS ]

YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, BABY? Ella: YES, I KNOW.

Curtis: YOU KNOW THAT FOR REAL? Ella: YES, I DO.

Curtis: DO YOU KNOW IT FOR REAL?

Ella: YES, I DO. Curtis: FOR REAL?

Ella: LET'S GO, BEFORE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.

Curtis: BEAT YOU TO THE BUFFET.