Original subtitles

EVERYBODY EMPTY OUT YOUR BANK

ACCOUNTS AND CASH IN YOUR

401(k)s BECAUSE I'M TAKING NO

PRISONERS TONIGHT!

THAT'S RIGHT, TONIGHT IS

POKER NIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT, AND I'M

BRINGING THE PAIN!

[ LAUGHS ]

YEAH, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO

IT -- YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE KIM SAID

I COULD STAY OUT UNTIL 9:00.

WHAT TIME DOES THE GAME START?

9:00.

BUT YOU'LL BE FINE.

THE STREETLIGHTS WILL BE ON BY

THEN.

DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO PLAY

POKER?

WHY DON'T WE PLAY A BOARD GAME?

BECAUSE WE'RE NOT 12.

BESIDES, WE WOULD BE BORED

PLAYING A BOARD GAME.

GET IT?

WE'D BE BORED PLAYING THE BOARD

GAME.

BOY, THEY JUST BE COMING OUT OF

ME EASY THESE DAYS.

YEAH, JUST LIKE GAS.

[ LAUGHS ]

WELL, Y'ALL CAN JOKE, BUT I

LOST 500 BUCKS THE LAST TIME WE

PLAYED POKER.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU KEEP

SMILING EVERY TIME YOU HAVE A

GOOD HAND.

KEENAN, SHUT UP.

BART, YOU'RE PLAYING JUST FINE.

JUST KEEP BRINGING YOUR MONEY

AND BRINGING THAT BIG, PRETTY

SMILE OF YOURS.

HEY, GUYS, THIS IS DR. LYNN

GILCREST, AND I JUST MET HER AT

A RELATIONSHIP SEMINAR, AND SHE

WANTS TO INTERVIEW SOME OF YOU

GUYS FOR HER NEW BOOK.

ALL RIGHT. NICE TO MEET YOU.

SO, WHAT'S THE BOOK ABOUT?

BIG, SEXY, FINE FIRE CHIEFS?

WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S ABOUT

HOW STRESSFUL JOBS IMPACT

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.

TOO BAD C.J. IS NOT HERE.

HE'S THE POSTER CHILD FOR STRESS

AND BAD RELATIONSHIPS.

[ LAUGHS ]

SO HOW MUCH DO WE GET PAID?

OH, IF WE GET PAID, YOU KNOW

I'M IN.

HEY, HEY. ME TOO.

CHIEF! I TOLD HER YOU GUYS

WOULD DO IT FOR FREE.

WELL, TELL HER YOU LIED.

I'M SORRY, GENTLEMEN, I CAN'T

PAY YOU, BUT ANY INPUT WOULD BE

GREATLY APPRECIATED.

ANY VOLUNTEERS?

HERE YOU GO.

THERE'S A VOLUNTEER RIGHT THERE.

OH, OH, NOW YOU REALIZE I'M A

VOLUNTEER.

NO. GET C.J.

WE CAN'T GET C.J.

HE'S AT THAT FIREFIGHTER'S

CONVENTION.

MAN! I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK.

NOW, LOOK, DOCTOR, IF Y'ALL

NEED TO PERFORM SHOCK THERAPY OR

HYPNOSIS OR EVEN A BRAIN

TRANSPLANT, I'M HIS DADDY, AND I

CAN SIGN THE CONSENT FORMS FOR

YOU.

BART, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LOOKING FOR A BRAIN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY ]

IN ORDER TO FIND THE BRAIN,

YOU GOT TO GO DOWN IN THE HEAD

LIKE THAT.

LET'S SEE WHAT'S IN THERE.

LET'S SEE WHAT'S IN THERE.

IT'S TISSUE PAPER.

CALVIN, WHY ARE YOU SO

NERVOUS?

I'M NOT GOING TO BITE.

[ LAUGHS ]

NOW, THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THAT'S

WHAT THE LAST GIRL SAID RIGHT

BEFORE SHE BIT HIM.

SHE DIDN'T MEAN TO.

SHE...HAD A CONDITION.

SO IS IT, UM, DIFFICULT FOR

YOU TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS?

ACTUALLY, CALVIN'S NEVER BEEN

THAT GOOD AT SHARING.

EVEN WHEN HE WAS LITTLE, HE USED

TO RENT HIS TOYS TO HIS FRIENDS.

I'M SORRY, I WAS ASKING

CALVIN.

I'M TRYING TO COOK.

CAN YOU KEEP THE CONVERSATION

OVER THERE?

SO, CALVIN, DO YOU WANT TO

EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS?

HUH. WELL, PLAYAS DON'T HAVE

FEELINGS, ONLY GAME.

THE ONLY GAME YOU GOT IS MY

CREDIT CARDS.

SO HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL

TO HEAR YOUR FATHER SAY THAT?

WELL TAKEN CARE OF.

WELL, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR WORK

HERE AS A FIREFIGHTER.

OH, HO!

OH, HE DOESN'T WORK HERE.

YEAH, HE VOLUNTEERS.

YEAH, HE'S BEEN IN COLLEGE

SEVEN YEARS.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR INPUT.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

NO PROBLEM.

YOU MUST BE UNDER A

TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF STRESS.

NO. I FEEL FINE.

REALLY?

WELL, THE BODY IS A VERY

SENSITIVE MACHINE.

IT TELLS YOU EXACTLY HOW MUCH

STRESS YOU'RE REALLY UNDER.

CAN I TRY SOMETHING?

YOU CAN TRY ANYTHING YOU

WANT.

OH.

YOU ARE VERY TENSE.

BUT THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.

NOT ONLY ARE YOU IN COLLEGE, BUT

YOU ALSO RISK YOUR LIFE DAILY

WITH NO PAY.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

SO, TELL ME, CALVIN, AT

NIGHT, WHEN YOU'RE IN BED...

MM-HMM.

HOW DO YOU SLEEP?

ON MY SIDE.

NO, NO.

I MEANT, DO YOU HAVE ANY DREAMS?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YEAH. I KEEP HAVING THIS BAD

DREAM THAT I ACTUALLY GRADUATE

AND --

SO TELL ME, DOC, UM, IS THERE

ANY WAY TO MAKE THAT DREAM REAL?

CHIEF PAYNE, PLEASE.

GET.

CALVIN, THAT DREAM YOU'RE HAVING

REPRESENTS YOUR FEAR OF SUCCESS,

WHICH IS VERY COMMON AMONG

PEOPLE YOUR AGE.

FEAR OF SUCCESS?

HOW THE HELL YOU GONNA FEAR

SOMETHING YOU AIN'T NEVER

EXPERIENCED?

YOU KNOW, CALVIN, I WOULD

LOVE TO DELVE DEEPER INTO THIS.

DO YOU MIND IF WE CONTINUE OUR

DISCUSSION SOMEWHERE MORE

PRIVATE?

MY PLACE, OVER DINNER, MAYBE?

YEAH, SURE, OF COURSE.

WELL, HERE'S MY ADDRESS, AND

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND 8:00.

OH, YEAH, 8:00 IS GREAT.

PERFECT.

THANK YOU, ANGEL, SO MUCH.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

OH, HO!

LOOKIT THERE, LOOKIT THERE.

PLAYA, PLAYA!

OH, CALVIN, YOU LOOKING GOOD,

BABY.

YOU GOING TO CHURCH WITH ME?

NO. I GOT A DATE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WHO IS THE LUCKY LADY?

SOME GIRL ANGEL INTRODUCED ME

TO AT THE FIREHOUSE.

OH, COME ON, CALVIN, COME ON,

NOW.

I'M TELLING YOU, ELLA, THIS IS

THE FINEST, SEXIEST DOCTOR

I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

WHAT?

AND SHE'S SWEET ON CALVIN.

A DOCTOR?

HOW OLD IS THIS DOCTOR?

WELL, SEE, YOU 73.

SO THAT MAKE HER ABOUT HALF YOUR

AGE.

SHE ABOUT HALF YOUR AGE, GIVE OR

TAKE A FEW YEARS.

GIVE OR TAKE.

CURTIS.

OKAY, BABY, ARE YOU SURE YOU

READY TO TAKE ON A DATE WITH AN

OLDER WOMAN?

SHE MAY BE OLD SCHOOL, MOM,

BUT I'M WILLING TO BE HOME

SCHOOLED.

HA!

PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT AT YOUR

DATE.

OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE.

I DON'T THINK I LIKE THIS.

OKAY, CALVIN, LOOK.

JUST DON'T GO TOO FAST.

BOY, I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T SAY

THAT ON OUR FIRST DATE.

CURTIS.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT.

BOY, YOUR MAMA WAS CRAZY!

WHAT'D SHE DO?

I WAS THE INNOCENT LAMB.

I DIDN'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT NOTHING

WHEN IT CAME TO, YOU KNOW, THAT

KIND OF THING.

SHE WAS SWINGING OFF TREES.

CURTIS!

MAMA.

YOU NEED TO STOP TELLING THAT

TALE!

BACK IN THE PREACHER'S

OFFICE...

CURTIS.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU KNOW I MADE YOU WAIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DID.

THANK YOU.

SHE MADE ME WAIT UNTIL WE GOT

THROUGH EATING.

YOU WAS EASY, MAMA?

CURTIS, THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

OOH, COUSIN CALVIN.

YOU LOOK NICE!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OUT TO DINNER.

OH! CAN WE GO WITH YOU?

SORRY, LITTLE BIT, THIS IS A

GROWN-UP DINNER.

THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING?

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S GOOD.

HEH HEH.

I'M OUT. BE BREEZY.

CALVIN, TAKE IT EASY.

OKAY.

OKAY, BABY, I'M GOING TO THE

REVIVAL.

SO MALIK AND JAZMINE ARE GONNA

BE WITH YOU TONIGHT.

HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

TONIGHT'S MY POKER NIGHT.

I THOUGHT YOU WAS TAKING THEM TO

THE REVIVAL WITH YOU.

WELL, YOU THOUGHT WRONG.

I'LL BE BACK IN A FEW HOURS.

OKAY.

SO YOU JUST MAKE SURE THAT THEY

HAVE NO JUNK FOOD, THAT THEY DO

NOT STAY UP PAST 10:00, AND,

PLEASE, NO SCARY MOVIES.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE THEM

WITH YOU?

BECAUSE I HAVE A MEETING

BEFORE SERVICE, BABY, AND I

DON'T WANT THEM AT THE CHURCH

JUST HANGING OUT.

WELL, BABY, LET THEM TAKE

SOME SWIMSUITS.

THEY CAN SWIM IN THE BAPTISMAL

POOL.

THEY CAN HAVE FUN AND GET SAVED

AT THE SAME TIME.

HA HA!

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I JUST

WONDER ABOUT YOU.

I WAS JUST MAKING

SUGGESTIONS, BABY.

OKAY. OKAY.

WAIT A MINUTE.

ELLA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THOSE ARE MY SNACKS, BABY.

I'M TAKING THEM THEM TO THE

FIREHOUSE FOR THE POKER PARTY.

CURTIS, I'M THROWING THEM

OUT.

I SAID, NO JUNK FOOD.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH

ME?

OHH! AND WOULD YOU PLEASE GET

RID OF THESE CIGARS?

ELLA!

CURTIS, NO SMOKING IN FRONT

OF THE CHILDREN.

WELL, THEN, WHAT ARE WE

SUPPOSED TO DO, BABY?

IT'S A POKER PARTY!

PLAY POKER, AND BE GLAD I'M

LETTING YOU DO THAT.

OKAY, THEN LET ME REPHRASE

THE QUESTION.

WHAT ELSE CAN'T WE DO?

DRINK LIQUOR, CUSS, AND TALK

ALL CRAZY ABOUT WOMEN IN FRONT

OF THE CHILDREN.

GOD BLESS YOU!

TELL HIM I SAID, "WHAT'S UP?"

STOP SMILING!

COME ON. COME ON!

PLANT IT RIGHT THERE.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO.

WHAT?

CAN I HAVE SOME WATER?

THERE.

DIDN'T YOU HAVE SOME WATER

YESTERDAY?

NOW, LOOK.

Y'ALL ARE NOT GONNA BOTHER ME,

OKAY?

NOW, YOU CAN'T HAVE NO WATER,

YOU CAN'T EAT, YOU CAN'T DRINK,

YOU CAN'T WATCH TV, YOU CAN'T DO

NOTHING I CAN'T DO.

ARE WE ON PUNISHMENT?

NO, BUT APPARENTLY I AM.

OKAY, THAT'S THE GUYS ARE

COMING.

SO Y'ALL JUST STAY THERE AND

DON'T MOVE.

DON'T DO NOTHING.

NEVER?

NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER.

HEY, GUYS.

HEY, GUYS.

WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF

PAYNE!

LEAVE YOUR WALLETS AT THE DOOR,

'CAUSE I'M TAKING YOUR MONEY!

YEAH, YOU WISH.

HEY, CHIEF, WHAT ARE JAZMINE

AND MALIK DOING HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THEY'RE NOT HERE.

THEY'RE AT THE HOUSE, ASLEEP IN

THE BED.

OH.

KEENAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T COME.

I'M NOT HERE.

NEITHER ARE WE.

I'M AT THE GROCERY STORE

GETTING MILK.

PLEASE, JUST LET ME ENJOY

MYSELF.

AHHH...BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING

LIKE A GOOD...STOGIE.

[ LAUGHS ]

HERE, IT'S HEALTHIER.

WELL, WHO WANTS AN ICE-COLD

BREWSKI, EH?

HEY.

WHOO!

PAY ATTENTION.

YOU CAN'T HAVE NO BREWSKIS.

THE KIDS! HERE.

HAVE SOME WARM JUICESKIS.

JUICE?

I MEAN, WHAT'S UP WITH THIS?

WHAT'S A POKER PARTY WITHOUT A

PARTY?

YEAH, THAT'S LIKE FIGHTING A

FIRE WITHOUT A FLAME.

YEAH, OR HAVING A CHIMMY

WITHOUT A CHANGA!

YOU'RE RIGHT, THIS IS NOT A

PARTY!

THIS IS MY FIREHOUSE!

YEAH!

AND IN MY FIREHOUSE, I DO AS

I DARN -- DAMN WELL PLEASE!

YEAH!

THIS IS A POKER PARTY!

THAT'S RIGHT!

SO LET'S PARTY!

YEAH!

HERE, HERE.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

OH, OH. SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.

THIS IS KIM.

THIS IS KIM.

HELLO, SWEETIE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

CLEANUP IN AISLE 5.

CLEANUP IN AISLE 5.

BEEP!

WOULD YOU LIKE PAPER OR PLASTIC?

THIS LINE IS FOR 10 ITEMS OR

LESS, SIR.

OKAY.

I GOT TO GO.

WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING?

ALL THAT DIDN'T WORK?

NO.

KIM'S PARKED OUTSIDE.

OH, KEENAN, MAN UP.

COME ON!

SHE'S A COP.

SHE CARRIES A GUN.

WELL, DON'T FORGET YOUR

PANTIES.

AH, JUST BRING THEM FOR ME

TOMORROW AT WORK.

I THINK WE'RE OFF PUNISHMENT.

GO ASK HIM.

NO, YOU GO ASK HIM.

HEY, I'M NOT GONNA ASK HIM.

I KNOW.

LET'S DOUBLE-TEAM HIM.

COOL.

UNCLE CURTIS, CAN I PLAY POKER?

UNCLE CURTIS, CAN I WATCH A

MOVIE?

GUESS WHAT?

Y'ALL CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT

TO DO BECAUSE THIS IS MY HOUSE,

AND IN MY HOUSE, I MAKE THE

RULES.

MATTER OF FACT, MALIK, JUST SIT

YOURSELF DOWN RIGHT THERE.

WE NEED A FOURTH MAN.

AND, BABY, YOU GO UPSTAIRS AND

CUT THAT LITTLE TV ON, AND YOU

WATCH IT ALL YOU WANT TO.

OH, I KNOW.

I'M GONNA GO WATCH A SCARY ONE.

OOH! YOU'RE SCARING ME

ALREADY.

HEY, CUT THE LIGHTS OFF.

IT'LL BE MORE SCARY!

OKAY, UNC, DEAL ME IN.

SWEET!

PARDON ME, MALIK, BUT THIS IS

GONNA BE LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM

A BABY.

WHERE'D YOU GET ALL THIS

MONEY?

MY ALLOWANCE.

HEY, PLUS I TUTOR COUSIN CALVIN

ON THE WEEKENDS.

HA! WELL, LET'S HEAR IT FOR

CALVIN -- HIP HIP HOORAY!

THE DINNER WAS DELICIOUS.

OH, THANK YOU.

I HAVEN'T HAD A WOMAN COOK

FOR ME IN A LONG TIME.

HELL, THE WOMEN I KNOW, THEY

DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK.

THEY MICROWAVE.

I DO LOVE ME SOME MICROWAVE

POPCORN.

I LIKE PICKING OUT THE LITTLE

HALF-KERNELS WITH -- THEY

HALF-POPPED.

ME, TOO.

SO, TELL ME, HAVE YOU FOUND THAT

YOUR PERFORMANCE HAS EVER

DECLINED BECAUSE OF YOUR

PERSONAL ISSUES?

HEH. MY PERFORMANCE?

OH, YES, AT WORK.

HAVE YOU FOUND THAT YOUR STRESS

CAUSED YOU PROBLEMS ON THE JOB?

YOU MEAN THAT PERFORMANCE!

GIRL, I THOUGHT YOU WAS TALKING

ABOUT...

NEVER MIND.

YEAH, WELL, IT'S -- IT'S HARD,

I MEAN, BECAUSE MY DAD IS MY

BOSS, AND HE'S ALWAYS HARASSING

ME.

OH, MY GOODNESS, CALVIN.

I FORGOT.

THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE WORKING

WITH YOUR FATHER.

OH.

YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS ADDS A

WHOLE NEW FACET TO MY BOOK?

WHAT DID IT ADD?

I THINK I'M GONNA MAKE YOU

THE CENTRAL FOCUS OF MY FINAL

CHAPTER.

SWEET. HEH!

COULD IT BE -- COULD IT BE

TITLED, "PLAY ON, PLAYA"?

MAYBE SO.

OH. UM...CAN WE SEE EACH OTHER

AGAIN, MAYBE, YOU KNOW, TO TALK

SOME MORE?

WHY DON'T I SPEND THE NIGHT?

YOU'RE SUCH A CUTIE PIE.

NO. I MEAN, WE CAN HAVE LUNCH

TOMORROW.

OH, OKAY.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING VERY

SPECIAL THAT I WANT TO GIVE YOU.

OH, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE

IT TO ME, NOW?

NO. GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE

WHO WAIT.

OKAY.

HOW ABOUT NOW?

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

UH...

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

DR. GILCREST?

HOW ABOUT NOW?

I WAITED.

GOOD NIGHT, CALVIN.

HA HA!

YOU WERE RIGHT, BART.

THIS WAS LIKE TAKING MONEY FROM

A BABY.

OH! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.

I LOST MY LUCKY DOLLAR.

BART, VáMONOS.

OH.

COME ON, PLAY SOME MORE.

I GOT A COUPLE LEFT.

I'M GONNA GET THAT MONEY BACK,

BOY, YOU HEAR?

HEY, WHERE Y'ALL GOING?

COME ON, WE'RE STILL PLAYING!

WE GOT SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH!

HOOTIE HOO!

CURTIS, WHAT IS GOING ON IN

HERE?

I'M JUST GETTING MY HUSTLE

ON.

BOY, WILL YOU HUSH BEFORE WE

GET IN TROUBLE?

OH, IT'S TOO LATE.

[ SCREAMING ]

JAZMINE?

WHAT IS IT, BABY?

WHAT IS IT?

THAT MOVIE SCARED ME!

DIDN'T I TELL YOU NO SCARY

MOVIES?

MALIK, AND TAKE OFF ALL THAT

BLING, SITTING OVER THERE

LOOKING LIKE THE RAPPER --

WHAT'S THAT LITTLE BOY'S NAME?

LITTLE JONATHAN.

WHAT?!

MALIK.

YEAH!

GET OUT OF HERE.

OKAY!

MALIK, GO ACROSS THE STREET.

WHAT YOU SAY?

WHAT?

UNH-UNH.

COME ON, JAZI, LET'S GO.

OKAY.

MALIK, LEAVE THAT, AND COME

ON!

YOU THINK I'M PLAYING WITH YOU?

THAT BOY'S CRAZY.

OOH, I'M GETTING MY MONEY BACK,

THOUGH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

I'M GOING BACK OVER TO THE

HOUSE.

OH, NO, NO, NO, BABY.

YOU GONNA STAY RIGHT HERE, IN

THE DOGHOUSE.

W-WHAT? WHAT?!

CURTIS!

BUT, ELLA!

YEAH!

COME ON, BA--

CAN YOU ASK MALIK TO GIVE ME MY

WEDDING RING BACK?

GOOD AFTERNOON, DR. GILCREST.

OH, AFTER ALL YOU SHARED WITH

ME LAST NIGHT, PLEASE, CALL ME

LYNN.

OH. OKAY, LYNN.

PLEASE.

THESE ARE FOR YOU.

YOU ARE SUCH A GENTLEMAN.

THANK YOU.

WHY DOES THE CARD SAY, "REST IN

PEACE?"

OH! OH, NEVER MIND THAT.

NEVER MIND THAT.

SIT DOWN.

SOMETHING I NEED TO GET OFF MY

CHEST.

HI, SWEETHEART.

OOH.

AND YOU MUST BE CALVIN.

I'M JOSEPH.

YEAH, NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU MUST BE LYNN'S BROTHER.

NO.

HER COUSIN?

NO.

HA! YOU GOT ME.

SO, YOU'RE HER NEIGHBOR'S BABY'S

DADDY?

THIS IS MY FIANCéE,

JOSEPH MASON.

CALVIN, I WANT TO PERSONALLY

THANK YOU FOR HELPING LYNN WITH

HER BOOK.

SHE CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT

YOU.

ISN'T HE SO HANDSOME, DEAR?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN

THINKING?

MM-HMM?

YOU SHOULD INTRODUCE HIM TO

YOUR NIECE.

YEAH, MAYBE I WILL.

DEAR, I'M GONNA NEED TO TAKE A

SHOWER BEFORE WE GO TO LUNCH, SO

I'LL MEET YOU GUYS LATER, ALL

RIGHT?

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

SO, YOU...

CALVIN, IS SOMETHING WRONG?

UH...

NO, NO, NO.

I JUST DIDN'T KNOW YOU WEREN'T

SINGLE.

DID YOU THINK THAT I WAS...

INTERESTED IN YOU?

NO, NO. NO.

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

COME ON.

GIRL, YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY

MAMA.

I MEAN -- I MEAN, MY -- MY -- MY

LOVER.

I MEAN, NO.

I MEAN, WE'RE COOL.

WE'RE COOL.

LOOK.

IF -- IF YOU WERE ENGAGED, WHAT

DID YOU WANT TO GIVE ME?

WELL, I WANTED YOU TO RECEIVE

THE FIRST COPY OF MY MANUSCRIPT.

I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO

COMPLETE IT WITHOUT YOU.

WOW.

PINK BOW AND EVERYTHING.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

WELL, LOOK.

IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT BETWEEN

YOU AND THE WEATHER-MAN-LOOKING

GUY, YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND ME AT

THE FIREHOUSE -- ALWAYS.

I'LL LET Y'ALL CHANGE THE

FORECAST OR SOMETHING LIKE

THAT.

YOU TAKE CARE.

OH, CALVIN.

OH, HEY, CALVIN!

OH!

[ CHUCKLES ]

BYE-BYE.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

PLAYBOY!

WHAT UP, PLAYBOY?

HOW WAS YOUR DATE?

HER MAN WAS THERE.

[ LAUGHS ]

IT SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR TRYING

TO DATE A WOMAN AS OLD AS YOUR

MAMA.

WHAT -- SO, WHAT HAPPENED?

MAN, I TOOK HER FLOWERS, AND

SHE TOLD ME TO CALL HER "LYNN,"

AND SOME BIG DENZEL TYPE WALKED

IN AND...KISSED HER.

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT COULD BE

WORSE.

HOW?

YOU COULD'VE FOUND OUT THAT

SHE WAS A MAN...WHO'S NOW A

WOMAN...WHO'S NOW A LESBIAN.

CURTIS.

I SEE YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING

"JERRY SPRINGER" AGAIN.

LISTEN, BABY, DON'T WORRY.

SOME WOMAN YOUR OWN AGE WILL

COME ALONG ONE DAY.

YEAH, BUT, OF COURSE, SINCE

YOU'RE NOT THE PLAYER YOU

THOUGHT YOU WERE, YOU'LL BE

SITTING IN THE WINDOW, WATCHING

HER GO BY.

[ LAUGHS ]