Original subtitles

Curtis: PLADOW!

[ LAUGHS ]

Ella: CURTIS, UH-UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

"FIXINA"-- THIS IS NOT A WORD.

Curtis: YES, IT IS. Ella: USE IT IN A SENTENCE.

Curtis: ELLA'S "FIXINA" LOSE THE GAME.

AND WHEN YOU DO, HIT THE BUNIONS, BABY!

Ella: UH-UH, NO. I DID NOT SAY

I WAS GONNA RUB YOUR ASHY FEET.

Curtis: OH, PLEASE, DON'T ACT LIKE YOUR FEET DON'T NEED

A LITTLE COCOA BUTTER. Ella: WHAT?

Curtis: C.J., YOUR AUNTIE'S A CHEAT.

SHE WON'T RUB MY FEET. SHE'S LOSING.

C.J.: I DON'T BLAME HER. I'VE SEEN YOUR FEET.

YOU NEED A PROFESSIONAL.

Ella: [ LAUGHS ]

DID THE CHILDREN GET OFF ALL RIGHT?

C.J.: OH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW.

THEY LOVE VISITING YOUR MOTHER.

THEY CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HER.

Curtis: NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE HAVING THEM GONE.

Ella: OOH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME.

SHE LOVES SPOILING THEM.

Curtis: SPEAKING OF SPOILING, YOU SPOILING

MY PRIVATE TIME WITH MY WIFE.

CAN YOU FIND SOMEWHERE TO BE FOR ABOUT THREE DAYS?

C.J.: YEP, THE FIREHOUSE.

THAT WAY, I AIN'T GOT TO BE HERE

WHEN YOU START INDULGING

IN YOUR FOOT-FANTASY FIXATIONS.

Curtis: YOU JUST MAD 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T GOT NOBODY

TO RUB YOUR FEET.

Ella: NEITHER DO YOU. [ CHUCKLES ]

Curtis: ANYWAY, WHERE WERE WE?

Ella: I GOT ONE. I GOT ONE.

W-H-A-T-C-H-U.

"WHATCHU."

Curtis: OH, STOP IT. "WHATCHU" IS NOT A WORD.

Ella: YES, IT IS. NO MATTER "WHATCHU" SAY,

I AIN'T FIXIN' TO RUB YOUR FEET.

Curtis: IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUB MY FEET,

AT LEAST MOVE A LITTLE CLOSER AND WARM THEM UP A LITTLE.

Ella: CURTIS. [ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

OOH! SAVED BY THE BELL!

YOU'RE LOSING. YOU'RE GOING DOWN.

Curtis: OH, BE QUIET.

HELLO?

HEY. HEY!

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

YOU COMING TO ATLANTA?

HEY! HEY, BABY, JIMMY'S COMING TO TOWN.

Ella: UH-UH. Curtis: YEAH, OF COURSE

YOU CAN STAY WITH ME, MAN.

Ella: NO, NO, CURTIS--

Curtis: WHAT? NO.

OH, OH, STOP IT.

Ella: CURTIS--

Curtis: ELLA LOVES YOU.

LOOK HERE-- WHATEVER YOU NEED,

YOU JUST SAY THE WORD, MAN.

Jimmy: BRO!

Curtis: JIMMY!

Curtis: MAN, LOOK AT YOU! Jimmy: LOOK AT YOU!

Curtis: LOOK AT YOU, JIMMY! Jimmy: COME ON, NOW.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

Curtis: IT'S BEEN A MINUTE, AIN'T IT, MAN?

Jimmy: YEAH, YOU KNOW ME. Curtis: I TELL YOU WHAT,

I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE STUFF YOU BEEN DOING.

Jimmy: MAN, PLEASE. COME ON.

Curtis: SO YOU DOING ALL RIGHT, HUH?

Jimmy: GOOD AS I LOOK? FOR SURE!

Ella: THEN THE ANSWER'S "NO."

Curtis: WHAT'D YOU SAY, BABY?

Ella: I SAID, "I'D BETTER GO

AND GET YOU GUYS SOME SNACKS."

Jimmy: CURTIS, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT

THIS LITTLE FILLY I MET IN PHILLY.

Curtis: WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO KAREN FROM KANSAS?

Jimmy: MAN, I UPGRADED TO JOANNA JEWELER.

COME ON, NOW. THEN I CASHED IT IN ON BRENDA THE BANKER!

Curtis: WHAT YOU SAY?

Jimmy: BRENDA-- A.K.A., BRENDA THE BODY.

Curtis: PAINT A PICTURE, PLAYER.

PAINT THE PICTURE FOR ME.

Jimmy: I GUESS I BETTER.

YOU DON'T GET OUT MUCH, DO YOU?

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

HER LEGS-- WHAM!

HER BUST-- BAM!

HER BUTT-- DAMN!

Ella: SNACKS. DAMN!

Curtis: THANK YOU, BABY.

OKAY, SO ANYWAY, YOU'RE TELLING ME

HOW YOU MET THE FILLY FROM PHILLY.

Jimmy: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MAN.

FIRST OF ALL, ME AND BRENDA, WE WENT TO DINNER.

AND PHYLLIS, THE FILLY FROM PHILLY,

SHE WAS OUR WAITRESS.

Curtis: WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU MET YOUR NEW GIRL

WHILE YOU WAS ON A DATE WITH YOUR OLD WOMAN?

Jimmy: CURTIS, YOU KNOW ME.

I LIKE TO KEEP A BIRD IN THE HAND

AND A FEW IN THE BUSH.

COME ON, NOW. YOU KNOW ME.

Curtis: YOU KNOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, BOY.

Jimmy: THIS IS JIMMY. Curtis: YOU KNOW I DO

THE SAME THING, JIMMY. IT'S WHERE WE COME FROM.

Jimmy: I KNOW YOU DO. Curtis: I KEEPS ME A COUPLE

OF SHRUBS ABOUT THE CITY, YOU KNOW.

Ella: CURTIS!

Curtis: MA'AM?

ELLA THE EAVESDROPPER'S CALLING.

I'M GOING TO CHECK ON HER. Jimmy: MM-HMM.

Curtis: COMING, MY ONE AND ONLY!

MMM! Ella: "MMM" YOU, CURTIS.

WHY ARE YOU ENTERTAINING

AND ENCOURAGING THAT FOOLISHNESS?

AND THE ONLY SHRUBS YOU HAVE ARE OUT BACK,

AND THEY NEED TRIMMING.

Curtis: LOOK, BABY, YOU KNOW

HOW ME AND JIMMY GET WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER.

WE'RE JUST PLAYING.

Ella: JIMMY IS NOT PLAYING. HE IS SERIOUS.

50 SOME-ODD YEAR-OLD MAN.

HE NEEDS TO GROW UP, SETTLE DOWN, GET A LIFE.

Curtis: IT SEEMS LIKE HE GOT A HELL OF A LIFE TO ME.

Ella: LIVING OFF WOMEN?

HA! CURTIS, HE HURTS THEM,

HE USES THEM, AND HE BREAKS THEIR HEARTS.

AND YOU DON'T SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT?

Curtis: ELLA, COME ON. YOU KNOW JIMMY'S TALKING SMACK.

HALF THE WOMEN HE TALK ABOUT, HE DON'T EVEN KNOW.

THEY DON'T EVEN EXIST.

Ella: OKAY, CURTIS, OKAY.

BUT IF THIS BECOMES A PROBLEM,

YOU'RE GONNA BECOME A GROUCH ON THAT COUCH.

Curtis: WHATEVER.

I LOVE YOU, SHRUB.

Calvin: C.J., THAT WOMAN REALLY OWES YOU HER LIFE.

YOU WERE REALLY ON IT TODAY, BRO.

C.J.: MAN, I'M ON IT EVERY DAY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

HEY, NOW, SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM?

Woman: OH, THANK YOU!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I OWE YOU MY LIFE!

C.J.: YOU CAN LET GO NOW.

Woman: PLEASE, PLEASE, LET ME REPAY YOU.

ALL MY CHECKS ARE BURNED UP, BUT I GOT FOOD STAMPS!

C.J.: LOOK, LOOK-- OHH!

SAVING LIVES IS MY JOB, OKAY?

NOW, IF YOU WANT TO THANK ME,

JUST MAKE A DONATION TO THE FIREHOUSE, OKAY?

OKAY. YOU CAN GO NOW.

Woman: I'M NTOZAKE.

Keenan: I'M INTO SUSHI. YOU'RE INTO WHAT?

Woman: UH, NTOZAKE, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME--

Bart: SMOKEY!

Smokey: SMOKEY?

Bart: YEAH, SMOKEY.

EITHER THAT, OR SOOTY.

Keenan: OR CHARBROILED.

Calvin: OR EXTRA CRISPY.

Bart: NOW, PERSONALLY, WE LIKE THEM ALL,

BUT YOU'D BETTER PICK ONE.

Smokey: OH, OKAY.

SMOKEY IT IS!

[ LAUGHS ] AND YOU ARE?

All: C.J.

Smokey: OH, C.J., MY FINE, FEARLESS, FABULOUS FIREMAN.

[ SQUEALS ] HOW CAN I REPAY YOU?

[ LAUGHTER ]

C.J.: LET ME GO, PLEASE.

PLEASE, SOZAKE.

Keenan: YOU NEED SOME ALONE TIME.

Jimmy: GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING!

Curtis: JIMMY!

YOU HAD A LATE ONE LAST NIGHT, HUH?

Jimmy: MM-HMM, SURE DID. HAD ONE OF THOSE

"WAY AROUND THE WAY" WOMEN LAST NIGHT.

SHE'S PAST MY AGE LIMIT, BUT I'M JUST GONNA

COUNT THAT AS EXPERIENCE.

Curtis: ALL RIGHT, THEN. Ella: REALLY? [ CHUCKLES ]

SO, WAS THAT ALL THAT GIGGLING

I HEARD IN THERE LAST NIGHT?

Jimmy: WELL, SHE LIKES TO LAUGH,

AND I LIKE TO TICKLE!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

Ella: JIMMY, I KNOW YOU DIDN'T

HAVE A STRANGE HUSSY IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT.

Claretha: GOOD MORNING!

Curtis: I KNEW THAT GIGGLE SOUNDED FAMILIAR!

Ella: CLARETHA, DID YOU--

DID YOU SLEEP HERE LAST NIGHT?

Claretha: NO!

WE DIDN'T SLEEP.

Curtis: EW!

Claretha: DON'T WORRY. NOTHING HAPPENED.

Jimmy: MMM-MMM. I JUST TICKLED.

Claretha: AND I JUST GIGGLED.

Curtis: WELL, CHECKOUT AT THE GIGGLE INN IS RIGHT NOW.

Claretha: SAYONARA, JIMMY.

Jimmy: MM-HMM.

Claretha: I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

Jimmy: MM-HMM.

COME ON, CARAMEL DELIGHT.

LET ME WALK YOU TO YOUR DOOR.

Claretha: OOH! [ GIGGLES ]

Jimmy: MM-HMM.

Ella: CURTIS.

CURTIS, THIS IS NOT GOOD.

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

NOW, CLARETHA IS PROBABLY THINKING

THIS IS ALL ABOUT ROMANCE.

BUT IF I KNOW JIMMY LIKE I KNOW JIMMY,

THIS IS ALL ABOUT FINANCE.

Curtis: ELLA, STOP IT, NOW.

STOP IT. YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

MAYBE HE'S JUST HAVING SOME FUN, BABY.

AND ANYWAY, IT'S JUST CLARETHA.

Calvin: GOOD MORNING, FAMILY.

Ella: HEY, BABY. Curtis: CALVIN.

Calvin: POPS, I JUST SAW MR. JAMES OUT FRONT

GETTING MONEY FROM MISS CLARETHA.

Ella: WHAT? CURTIS! HE WHAT?

Curtis: HE MUST HAVE TICKLED IT OUT OF HER.

Ella: JIMMY IS NO GOOD.

Jimmy: [ LAUGHS ]

OH, YEAH! OH, YEAH! OH, YEAH!

Ella: [ SARCASTIC LAUGH ]

Jimmy: BOY, THAT CLARETHA IS SOMETHING ELSE.

JUST WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR IN A WOMAN.

MM-HMM. FIRST OF ALL, SHE'S CUTE. SHE'S GOT CLASS.

AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, SHE'S GOT CASH!

Curtis: WHAT DID I TELL YOU? THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

I AIN'T TALKING ABOUT NOTHING.

I'M GONNA-- I'M GONNA JUST STOP TALKING.

Claretha: HEY, ELLA.

WHICH OUTFIT SHOULD I WEAR FOR MY SECOND DATE

WITH JIMMY-- THIS ONE OR THIS ONE?

Curtis: IT REALLY DON'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

WITH A FACE LIKE THAT, AIN'T NOBODY GONNA BE

LOOKING AT YOUR OUTFIT.

Claretha: OOH, IS THAT A COMPLIMENT?

Curtis: NO. Claretha: OH, CURTIS.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN HARD FOR YOU

GROWING UP SHORT, UGLY, AND FAT.

Curtis: I HAVE NEVER BEEN SHORT NOR UGLY.

AND FAT IS JUST A STATE OF MIND.

Claretha: OKAY, ELLA, CAN YOU COME

HELP ME PICK OUT AN OUTFIT?

Ella: BABY, I CAN'T.

I GOT A WHOLE LOT TO DO AROUND HERE TODAY.

Claretha: LOOKS TO ME LIKE YOU'RE JUST SITTING AROUND.

Ella: CLARETHA-- Claretha: OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, CURTIS, PLEASE TELL JIMMY

THAT I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR.

OOH! I CAN'T WAIT!

Curtis: BYE, ALIEN.

Ella: CURTIS, YOU HAVE GOT TO TELL YOUR HEATHEN FRIEND

TO STOP PUSHING UP ON CLARETHA.

Curtis: ELLA, THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT THAT.

NOW, IF JIMMY WANTS TO SACRIFICE HIMSELF, THAT'S ON HIM.

Ella: CURTIS, SHE WOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THIS SITUATION

IF YOU HADN'T OPENED YOUR MOUTH AND INVITED HIM TO STAY HERE.

[ Imitating Curtis ] "OH, ELLA, BABY.

JIMMY, OH, HE'S GOOD, BABY! WE JUST PLAYING!"

[ Normal voice ] YOU BETTER FIX THIS.

Curtis: JIMMY!

Ella: EXCUSE ME.

Jimmy: CLARETHA'S GONE?

Curtis: YEAH, BUT IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY.

THEY AIN'T INVENTED A VACCINE FOR HER YET.

[ CHUCKLES ]

HEY, JIMMY, I THOUGHT YOU HAD HIGH STANDARDS.

Jimmy: I DO.

I ACCEPT ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS.

Curtis: OH, JIMMY, WHY YOU TAKING CLARETHA

OUT ON A DATE TONIGHT?

Jimmy: OH, MAN, UH, OHH, OHH.

ABOUT THAT-- I CAN'T MAKE IT.

I NEED YOUR HELP.

Curtis: WHAT THE HELL YOU GONE DONE NOW, JIMMY?

Jimmy: I AIN'T DONE NOTHING.

I JUST NEED YOU TO COVER FOR ME.

Curtis: I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

ELLA'S ALREADY FROSTY. IF I HELP YOU,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO CHISEL MY WAY TO SOME LOVING.

Jimmy: I CAN'T TURN DOWN SUNNY THE STEWARDESS.

UH-UH. NO. THANKS.

DON'T WAIT UP FOR ME, MAN.

Curtis: JIMMY. Jimmy: DON'T WAIT UP.

WHAT'S GOING ON, JIMMY?

JIMMY!

JIMMY!

C.J.: OH, MAN, I'M STARVING.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER, GUYS?

Bart: WELL, BETTER ASK SMOKEY.

C.J.: WHAT? OH!

SMOKEY THE CRAZY LADY IS COOKING DINNER?

Keenan: OH, WE FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

SMOKEY CALLED LIKE 38 TIMES.

Calvin: 39. Keenan: OKAY, 39 TIMES.

C.J.: WHAT DID SHE SAY?

All: "I LOVE YOU, C.J."

C.J.: THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

Y'ALL KNOW THAT WOMAN IS CRAZY. WHEN SHE'S COMING?

Bart: OH, I WOULD SAY RIGHT ABOUT...

All: NOW!

C.J.: OHH!

Smokey: HERE, C.J.

NOW, THE GUYS TOLD ME ALL YOUR FAVORITES.

GOOD OLD OXTAILS,

PEKING DUCK,

AND PEACH DELIGHT.

Bart: OOH!

[ Childish voice ] WHAT'S THE MATTER?

AW, WITTLE C.J. WOST HIS APPETITE?

COME ON, NOW.

OPEN UP FOR THE CHOO-CHOO TRAIN!

[ MAKING CHUGGING NOISE ]

[ MEN MAKING CHUGGING, TRAIN HORN NOISES ]

Keenan: ALL ABOARD!

All: CHUG-A, CHUG-A, CHUG-A,

CHUG-A, CHUG-A, CHUG-A, CHUG-A,

Ella: CURTIS! Curtis: GIVE ME THAT REMOTE.

Ella: CURTIS, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA TALK TO JIMMY.

CLARETHA IS ALL HURT OVER THERE

BECAUSE HE STOOD HER UP, CURTIS.

SHE REALLY LIKES HIM.

Curtis: WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO CLARETHA?

Ella: JIMMY IS YOUR FRIEND, HUH?

SO YOU GONNA TALK TO HIM AND CLARETHA.

Curtis: BABY, YOU KNOW I DON'T KNOW NOTHING

ABOUT TALKING TO NOBODY.

Ella: HANDLE IT, CURTIS.

Curtis: WHAT AM I GONNA DO, WRITE A NOTE?

DO THEY MAKE GREETING CARDS FOR THIS?

"STOP LOVING THY NEIGHBOR" OR SOMETHING?

Ella: [ SARCASTIC LAUGH ]

HANDLE IT.

Jimmy: YO!

THANKS FOR COVERING FOR ME LAST NIGHT.

THAT SUNNY WAS WORTH IT, DOG.

I GOT PLENTY OF FREQUENT-FLIER MILES OUT OF HER.

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

COME ON, NOW, DOG. COME ON.

YOU AIN'T STILL MAD ABOUT THAT LADY NEXT DOOR?

Curtis: JIMMY, I'M NOT MAD AT YOU, BUT ELLA IS FUMING.

SHE SAID CLARETHA REALLY LIKES YOU, MAN.

SO YOU REALLY HURT HER WHEN YOU STOOD HER UP LAST NIGHT.

Jimmy: COME ON, NOW.

I DON'T MEAN TO HURT NOBODY.

AND, YOU KNOW, JIMMY'S WOMEN--

THEY GOT TO LEARN HOW TO GO WITH THE FLOW.

TRUST ME, SHE'S GONNA BE JUST FINE.

TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO.

I'M GONNA TAKE HER OUT TOMORROW.

HELL, I MIGHT EVEN PAY FOR IT. MM-HMM.

WAIT A MINUTE. DID I SAY THAT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

I'M GONNA PAY FOR IT?

Curtis: LOOK HERE, MAN, I'M NOT TRYING

TO TELL YOU HOW TO RUN YOUR LIFE.

YOU KNOW ME. WE GO WAY BACK.

BUT I AM GONNA TELL YOU THIS.

I CAN'T SIT AROUND AND JUST WATCH YOU

DISRESPECT MY WIFE'S FRIEND LIKE THAT.

NOW, LOOK-- MAN UP, MAN.

DO THE RIGHT THING ABOUT IT.

EITHER YOU GONNA BE WITH CLARETHA,

AND IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE WITH HER,

JUST LEAVE HER ALONE.

Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. TRUST ME.

I'LL, UH-- I'LL TALK TO HER TOMORROW.

Curtis: ALL RIGHT.

Bart: I DON'T KNOW WHERE I LOST IT, AND I DON'T KNOW

WHERE TO FIND ANOTHER ONE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WHOA! WHAT IS THIS?

WELL, THIS IS NICE.

C.J., I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY.

C.J.: IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY.

Keenan: WELL, IF IT'S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY,

THIS CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING.

Smokey: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, C.J.!

C.J.: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY! Smokey: OH, I KNOW.

I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.

WHEN YOU WERE BORN, YOU WERE 7LBS, 3OZ.

YOU WERE 15 INCHES LONG, AND YOUR MOTHER

WAS IN LABOR FOR 12 HOURS.

OOH, I HOPE I'M NOT IN LABOR THAT LONG

WHEN WE HAVE OUR BABY.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S SING.

C.J.: STOP! STOP!

LOOK, I TOLD YOU IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY, OKAY?

AND YOU CAN'T JUST POP UP IN HERE

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON AND THROW ME A PARTY!

Smokey: UH, DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?

I WOULD NEVER JUST POP UP.

I'VE BEEN SITTING ACROSS THE STREET SINCE LAST NIGHT.

I WENT OUT OF MY WAY.

AND I SAT, AND I WAITED,

AND I SAT, AND YOU GUYS NEVER LEAVE

'CAUSE YOU NEVER HAVE FIRES.

SO I WAITED UNTIL YOU WENT TO THAT FIRE

OVER ON ELM STREET TO DO ALL THIS DECORATING.

Calvin: WAIT, HOW'D YOU KNOW THERE WAS A FIRE ON ELM?

Smokey: UH, E.S.P.?

OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S OPEN YOUR PRESENTS NOW.

Bart: GOODY! I LOVE PRESENTS AND--

IS THIS TICKING?

C.J.: HEY, WHERE'D YOU GET THAT PICTURE OF ME?

Smokey: I TOOK IT WHILE YOU WERE AT THE GAS STATION.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE ONE OF US KISSING.

C.J.: I NEVER KISSED YOU!

Smokey: MY COMPUTER PROGRAM SAYS OTHERWISE.

[ GIGGLES ] OH!

C.J. JR. JR. IS KICKING. FEEL IT!

C.J.: YOUR COMPUTER MUST HAVE GOT YOU PREGNANT.

YOU MUST HAVE A VIRUS.

LOOK, IF I OPEN THESE GIFTS,

WILL YOU PROMISE TO LEAVE?

Smokey: IF YOU OPEN THESE GIFTS, I PROMISE I'LL LEAVE.

C.J.: OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

Smokey: SIT DOWN! IT'S A BIRTHDAY PARTY!

MMM.

C.J.: HEY, HEY! HEY!

Smokey: [ LAUGHS ]

[ GASPS ]

OOH. SEE THAT?

ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL ON YOUR BIG MAN WRISTS?

Calvin: YO, DOG, THAT IS TIGHT.

C.J.: WHY IS IT FLASHING?

Smokey: THAT'S JUST THE TRACKING DEVICE.

C.J.: WHAT?

Smokey: I WOULDN'T TRY TO TAKE THAT OFF IF I WERE YOU.

IT'LL LEAVE A NASTY INK STAIN.

OKAY, NOW LET'S OPEN YOUR OTHER PRESENTS.

C.J.: OKAY, THAT'S IT. STOP IT, ALL RIGHT?

THE PARTY'S OVER. Smokey: WHAT?

C.J.: LET'S GO. LET'S GO.

COME ON. COME ON. Smokey: WAIT A MINUTE! STOP!

YOU'RE NOT EVEN GONNA GIVE ME A BIRTHDAY KISS?

C.J.: IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!

Bart: C.J.! C.J.! WAIT!

NOW YOU CAN GO.

Smokey: C.J., WHAT ARE WE GONNA NAME THE BABY?

C.J.: AAH! Smokey: WHAT ARE WE GONNA

NAME THE BABY? C.J.: GO AWAY!

Bart: I THINK SHE LIKES YOU.

Ella: AH! CURTIS.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO TALK TO JIMMY.

Curtis: I DID, BABY. EVERYTHING'S STRAIGHT.

Ella: OKAY. THEN WHAT IS THIS?

Curtis: WELL, IT'S WHITE. IT'S GOT WRITING ON IT.

I THINK IT COMES FROM TREES.

Ella: CURTIS, IT IS A NOTE FROM JIMMY. READ IT.

Curtis: "THANKS FOR THE HOSPITALITY, BRO."

OH, IT'S A THANK-YOU NOTE. WHAT IT GONNA SAY NEXT?

Ella: KEEP READING.

Curtis: "SORRY TO LEAVE IN A RUSH.

SANDY SENT A LIMO FOR ME.

SHE'S TAKING ME TO THAILAND, FIRST CLASS". OOH.

"CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE.

P.S., TELL ELLA TO TELL HER FRIEND

I'LL MAIL HER WIG BACK. GOODBYE. JIMMY."

Ella: "HER FRIEND."

THE NERVE OF HIM, CURTIS.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA TELL CLARETHA?

Claretha: TELL CLARETHA WHAT?

YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL ME?

DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO JIMMY?

Ella: OKAY, I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.

Curtis: ELLA.

ELLA!

HAVE A SEAT, CLARETHA.

UM, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS...

BUT JIMMY'S GONE.

Claretha: OH, LORD! WHY?

WHY, LORD, DO ALL MY MEN DIE?

SAY IT AIN'T SO.

Curtis: IT AIN'T SO.

HE LEFT TOWN.

Claretha: [ SOBS ]

Curtis: DON'T-- DON'T CRY.

CLARETHA, CLARETHA, LOOK...

IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

HEY, LOOK-- YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HIM, ANYWAY.

JIMMY'S A PLAYER. Claretha: IF I KNOW

WHERE TUPAC'S HIDING, DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW

THAT JIMMY'S A PLAYER?

Curtis: THEN WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH HIM?

Claretha: IT'S LONELY BEING A WIDOW, CURTIS.

I NEED TO HAVE A MAN AROUND.

AND IF I HAVE TO BUY DINNER AND A MOVIE

OR PAY A FEW CAR NOTES,

BAIL, A MORTGAGE OR TWO,

THEN IT'S WORTH IT TO ME.

Curtis: YOU DO ALL THAT?

HEY, NEXT TIME, JUST GO OUT WITH ME.

Ella: CURTIS!

Curtis: WHAT THE-- HOW YOU HEAR ME

WAY IN THERE?

MY SHRUB.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

Claretha: [ SNIFFLES ]

Curtis: CAN WE GO BACK TO HATING EACH OTHER NOW?

Claretha: [ LAUGHS ]

I NEVER STOPPED.

Curtis: OH, GOOD.

Claretha: BYE, CHUNKY MONKEY.

Curtis: BYE, YOU SIAMESE BAT.

Claretha: [ LAUGHS ]

Curtis: HEY.

Claretha: THANK YOU, CURTIS.

Curtis: ANYTIME.

Ella: OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

SO THE MAN WAS CHEATING WITH THIS WOMAN,

AND SHE WENT CRAZY?

C.J.: AND NOW SHE WON'T LEAVE HIM ALONE.

SHE WON'T LEAVE THE MAN ALONE.

Ella: AAH.

AND THIS IS THE SAME WOMAN THAT BOILED THAT RABBIT?

C.J.: MM-HMM. Ella: AAH.

C.J.: SHE UP IN THE HOUSE, AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW IT.

Ella: THEY DON'T KNOW SHE'S IN THERE?

C.J.: THEY'RE GOING UPSTAIRS.

Smokey: WHAT YOU WATCHING? C.J.: AAH! CALL 911!

CALL 911! Ella: AAH!

Smokey: [ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]

GET HIM, GIRL!