Original subtitles

MAN, I'M BURNING UP.

DO WE HAVE ANY ICE OR SOMETHING?

MAN, IT'S SO HOT, I CAN FRY

EGGS UNDER MY ARMPITS.

EW!

IT SMELLS LIKE YOU ALREADY DID.

LISTEN, GUYS, I KNOW THAT

IT'S HOT IN HERE, BUT THIS IS

OUR NEW PLACE, SO YOU GOT TO

TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD,

OKAY?

AND WHAT'S THE GOOD AGAIN?

WHEW!

MAN, I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER GET

THAT WINDOW OPEN.

CAN YOU FIX THE WATER NOISE?

WHAT WATER NOISE?

WHEN YOU TURN ON THE WATER,

IT SOUNDS LIKE A DONKEY IN PAIN.

THAT'S NOT THAT LOUD.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

YOU'RE BLACK AND YOU'RE PROUD!

OKAY, SO IT'S A LITTLE LOUD.

IT JUST MEANS THE PIPES ARE OLD.

THE PIPES MUST MATCH THE

REST OF THIS PLACE.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, GUYS.

I KNOW THAT THINGS AROUND HERE

AREN'T THAT PERFECT.

HA!

BUT IT'S LIKE UNCLE CURTIS

SAYS, "SOMETIMES A LITTLE

STRUGGLE BUILDS CHARACTER."

WELL, WE HAVE MORE CHARACTER

THAN A CARTOON.

HEY, HOW ABOUT WE CALL

AUNT ELLA AND UNCLE CURTIS AND

INVITE THEM OVER FOR DINNER?

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT

FOR DINNER?

WELL, I WANT UNCLE CURTIS'

BARBECUE.

AND AUNTIE ELLA'S POTATO

SALAD.

AT THEIR HOUSE.

ELLA! ELLA! ELLA! ELLA!

ELLA! ELLA! ELLA! ELLA!

WHAT, CURTIS?

BABY, THE PLACE IS SO EMPTY,

I CAN HEAR AN ECHO.

TRY IT. TRY IT, BABY.

WE'RE ALL ALONE, ALONE, ALONE.

STOP BEING SILLY, BABE.

I'M NOT BEING SILLY.

I'M BEING HAPPY!

LOOK AROUND, BABY, LOOK AROUND.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

NOTHING.

EXACTLY!

NO C.J., NO KIDS.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

THAT MEANS I CAN RUN AROUND THE

HOUSE NAKED, NAKED, NAKED.

[ LAUGHS ]

ONLY IF THE CURTAINS ARE

CLOSED, CLOSED, CLOSED, CLOSED.

HEY, LET'S CELEBRATE.

LET'S CELEBRATE.

[ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

OOH, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

WAIT, BABY.

THE PHONE IS RINGING.

PLEASE, LET ME JUST GET IT.

WAIT, NO. WE'RE DANCING.

WHILE WE'RE DANCING, NO

ANSWERING THE PHONE.

THAT'S CURTIS LAW.

OK, BABY, IT COULD BE AN

EMERGENCY.

LET'S JUST -- OKAY CHECK THE

CALLER I.D., SEE WHO IT IS.

WHO DO YOU THINK IT IS?

WELL, IT COULD BE--

IT'S C.J.

IT COULD BE AN EMERGENCY.

EMERGENCY FOR WHAT?

WHAT WAS THE EMERGENCY WHEN

HE CALLED AN HOUR AGO?

WELL, CURTIS, HE JUST WANTED

TO KNOW HOW MUCH SUGAR GOES IN

SWEET TEA.

WHAT WAS THE EMERGENCY WHEN

HE CALLED BEFORE THAT?

HE WANTED TO KNOW HOW MUCH

TIME IT TAKES TO MAKE MINUTE

RICE.

EXACTLY. NO EMERGENCY.

LOOK, IT STOPPED ANYWAY.

BABY, JUST GET ME THE MILK,

PLEASE.

I'M GONNA DO THIS.

NO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NO"?

NO.

I'M TAKING YOU OUT TO DINNER.

CURTIS, I HAVE ALREADY

STARTED PREPARING DINNER.

WELL, THEN ALREADY START

PUTTING IT BACK UP.

'CAUSE I'M TAKING YOU OUT.

LET SOMEBODY ELSE COOK FOR YOU

FOR A CHANGE.

CURTIS PAYNE, YOU ARE TAKING

ME WHERE?

OUT TO DINNER?

YES, MA'AM.

BABY, IF I HAD KNOWN YOU WERE

GONNA ACT LIKE THIS, I WOULD'VE

PUT THOSE SQUATTERS OUT OF HERE

A LONG TIME AGO.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING

ABOUT, BABY!

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

WAIT.

HONEY, IT'S C.J. AGAIN.

HOLLA!

THAT'S MY BABY!

HOLLA.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAKING

SPAGHETTI.

THIS IS SPAGHETTI.

THE KIND AUNT ELLA MAKES.

WELL, HERS IS RED.

AND HAS ACTUAL NOODLES.

WHAT IS THIS GREEN STUFF?

BABY, THAT'S VEGETABLES.

I JUST ADDED SOME VEGETABLES IN

THERE.

IN SOME SPAGHETTI?

DOES THAT SOUND NATURAL?

OKAY, SO I ADDED A LITTLE

TWIST TO AUNT ELLA'S RECIPE.

THIS IS PERFECTLY FINE.

LOOK. I'LL SHOW YOU.

IT'S PERFECTLY FINE.

IT JUST NEEDS A LITTLE

SOMETHING.

IT NEEDS A LITTLE THROW OUT

THE WINDOW.

OH, MAN!

THE GARLIC BREAD IS BURNING!

DAD, YOU SHOULD'VE STUCK TO

AUNTIE ELLA'S RECIPE.

FOR WHAT?

FOR GARLIC BREAD?

NO. FOR FOOD.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

WHO IS IT?

IT'S CALVIN, MAN.

OPEN UP.

BIG CAL.

OH, ME NO LIKEY.

WHO WANTS CHINESE?

OOH, I DO! I DO! I DO!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ALL WANT

CHINESE FOOD AFTER I SLAVED

OVER THAT STOVE ALL DAY.

IS THAT EGG FOO YOUNG I SMELL?

YUP.

MY BOY POOKIE GOT A NEW JOB AT

LAQUISHA CHAN'S ORANGE CHICKEN

AND WAFFLES.

COUSIN CALVIN, YOU GOT THE

HOOK UP.

YEAH, YOU BUY ONE CAN OF RED

SODA, YOU GET A MEAL FOR FREE.

HEY, LET ME GET SOME OF THAT.

HOW YOU ALL DOING?

MAN, WHAT YOU, WASHING

WINDOWS?

NO, I'M CHILLIN', BABY.

I'M TYRONE.

I JUST CAME AROUND TO INTRODUCE

MYSELF AND ALL.

IS THAT YOUR BLUE CAR PARKED

OUT IN SPACE NUMBER EIGHT?

NO. NO, I DRIVE AN S.U.V.

YOU MEAN THE ONE WITH THE

TINTED WINDOWS AND THE SIX DISC

CD CHANGER?

YEAH, YEAH.

JUST MAKE SURE YOU LOCK YOUR

DOOR, DUDE.

WE GET A LOT OF BREAK-INS

AROUND HERE, MAN.

THAT'S WHY I PARKED THREE

BLOCKS AWAY AND WALKED.

I DID SEE THAT. NICE RIMS.

OKAY.

WELL, I APPRECIATE IT.

OH, NO PROBLEM, MAN.

VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

SEE YOU ALL.

WELL, AT LEAST YOU GOT NICE

NEIGHBORS.

HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

TRUE.

WHEW!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU,

THANK YOU, CURTIS!

THAT WAS FUN, WASN'T IT?

I'M FULL.

ME, TOO.

HEY, HEY, HOW DID THAT WAITER

GONNA GET MAD AT ME LIKE THAT?

BECAUSE, CURTIS, THE MAN'S

NAME IS JESUS, BUT YOU SAID,

"HEY, ZEUS!

COME HERE!"

HE THOUGHT YOU WERE MOCKING HIM.

I WAS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HEY, HEY, BUT HE HAD TO GO GET

MAD WHEN I GOT A DOGGY BAG.

BABY, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

YOU HAVE ONE FRENCH FRY IN

THERE.

THAT'S IT.

I WAS FULL.

I COULDN'T FINISH IT.

WELL, JUST DON'T ASK FOR ANY

OF MY LEFTOVERS LATER.

I DON'T HAVE TO ASK.

I'LL JUST TAKE IT.

TRY.

'CAUSE WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE.

CURTIS, CURTIS.

OKAY, BABY. COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, I'M TIRED.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

YOU JUST RAN THE SOFA LENGTH.

GET THE PHONE.

GET THE PHONE.

AHH...

CURTIS.

WHO IS IT?

WHO DO YOU THINK IT IS?

C.J.?

YES.

LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL.

OH, I'M GONNA LET IT GO TO

VOICEMAIL, ALL RIGHT.

HELLO, YOU HAVE REACHED THE

PAYNE RESIDENCE.

SORRY WE CAN'T COME TO THE

PHONE RIGHT NOW, BUT ME AND

YOUR AUNTIE RUNNING AROUND THE

HOUSE BUTT NAKED --

CURTIS!

SHUT UP, ELLA.

IF THIS IS C.J. PAYNE, YOU'RE

BEING A PAIN IN THE ASS.

CURTIS!

PLEASE DO NOT CALL BACK.

TOGETHER.

Both: BEEP!

OKAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY, CURTIS, I DON'T WANT

IT, I DON'T WANT IT, I DON'T

WANT IT!

I'M FULL, TOO.

BABE, WE USED TO DO THIS

WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED.

WE'VE GOTTEN TOO OLD FOR THAT

NOW.

YOU'RE TOO OLD.

I STILL GOT LIFE.

YEAH.

ASK BEVERLY.

TWO MINUTES' WORTH.

2 MINUTES 17 SECONDS, REMEMBER?

2 MINUTES AND 18 SECONDS.

THAT WAS YESTERDAY.

MY PRESSURE WAS UP.

THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT

WAS UP.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING?

HELLO, IS BEVERLY THERE?

ASK HER.

HOW LONG WAS IT?

ASK HER.

WHEN I WAS WITH YOU

YESTERDAY, HOW LONG WAS IT?

ONE MINUTE.

BEVERLY?

HELLO?

BILL?

HE TOLD ME HIS NAME WAS

BEVERLY.

[ LAUGHS ]

MAN, WHY DO YOU

KEEP CALLING THEM?

TO SEE IF THEY MISS ME.

PROBABLY NOT AS MUCH AS YOU

MISS THEM.

I DON'T MISS THEM.

I LOVE MY NEW PLACE.

IT'S MINE AND...

I LOVE IT.

WHAT DO THE KIDS THINK?

Both: WE HATE IT!

HEY, HEY, I SAID GO TO BED!

YOU MEAN GO TO COT!

YES.

ANYWAY, AUNT ELLA ALWAYS PICKS

UP THE PHONE, MAN.

I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING MUST BE

WRONG OVER THERE.

I'M GONNA GO CHECK AND MAKE

SURE EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT.

DO ME A FAVOR?

WATCH THE KIDS FOR ME WHILE I

GO CHECK ON THEM, ALL RIGHT?

OH, COOL.

I'LL JUST WATCH A LITTLE CABLE.

WE DON'T HAVE CABLE.

OH. SORRY, I'M NOT AVAILABLE.

CALVIN, COME ON, MAN.

JUST WATCH THE KIDS FOR ME.

[ CELL PHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

HEY, WHAT'S UP, GIRL?

WAIT, WAIT, HOLD ON, BABY.

HELLO?

MY PHONE'S BREAKING UP.

HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

MALIK, MALIK.

HOW DOES YOUR DAD GET RECEPTION

IN HERE?

HIS PHONE ISN'T PREPAID.

HOLD ON.

HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

HOLD ON.

HOW ABOUT NOW?

AAGH!

MALIK, MALIK, YO, I'M GONNA

TAKE THIS CALL ON THE ROOF.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HEY, YOU WANT TO BORROW MY

BULLETPROOF VEST?

NO, I'M STRAIGHT.

GO TO SLEEP.

I'LL BE BACK IN A LITTLE BIT.

HOLD ON, BABY, HOLD ON.

SEE YA.

[ GASPS ]

AAH!

YOU SAY ONE WORD, AND I'LL

HURT BOTH OF YOU.

PLEASE, JUST LEAVE US ALONE.

SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!

MY DADDY WILL BE BACK SOON.

NO, HE WON'T.

I JUST SAW YOUR DADDY LEAVE IN

HIS S.U.V.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

WHERE DOES YOUR DAD KEEP HIS

VALUABLES AT?

WE DON'T HAVE ANY VALUABLES.

DON'T PLAY WITH ME, BOY!

WHERE DOES HE KEEP HIS MONEY?

WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY,

OKAY?

THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING

AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

I GUESS I'LL JUST TAKE THE TV.

CALVIN, GET HIM!

GET HIM!

GET HIM!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

COUSIN CALVIN!

WHAT HAPPENED?

THAT MAN JUST ROBBED US.

ARE YOU OKAY?

I'M SORRY.

LOOK, I'M SORRY I LEFT YOU.

BIG DOG.

I'M SORRY!

HELLO, BIG BOY.

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ALL

DAY.

COME HERE, YOU LITTLE

CHICKADEE.

[ LAUGHS ]

WHO'S THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

HURRY UP.

JUST CHECK AND SEE WHO IT IS.

THEY'LL GO AWAY.

OKAY. HELLO, BIG BOY.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO?

Shh! BE QUIET.

GO CHECK, BABE.

BE QUIET.

I CAN SEE YOU.

WHO IS IT? WHO IS IT?

HEY!

LET ME IN!

WE NO-- WE NO--

NO LONGER LIVE HERE.

THE LAST FAMILY, THEY MOVED.

UNCLE CURTIS, I CAN SEE YOU,

MAN.

THEY MOVED TO THE BAHAMAS.

GIVE ME THIS.

IT COULD BE AN EMERGENCY, BABY.

IT AIN'T NO EMERGENCY.

BABY, COME ON.

WE GOT THE PLACE ALL TO

OURSELVES.

I'M OPENING THE DOOR.

HEY. WAIT.

WE'RE GONNA COME OUT.

I CAN'T COME IN?

NOT RIGHT NOW.

NOT RIGHT NOW.

WELL, I JUST CAME BY --

WHAT'S WITH THE FEATHER?

WELL, I CAME BY TO SEE IF YOU

GUYS WERE OKAY.

WE'RE FINE. WE'RE FINE.

OKAY, BYE.

HOW WOULD I KNOW 'CAUSE

YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING THE PHONE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE WERE OUT.

WE DIDN'T HEAR IT.

WHICH ONE?

YOU WERE OUT OR YOU DIDN'T HEAR

IT?

WELL, WE WERE OUT.

WE DIDN'T HEAR IT.

C.J., LISTEN, BABY.

WE'VE JUST BEEN BUSY, REALLY.

BUSY DOING WHAT?

BEEN TAPPIN' --

CURTIS!

C.J., HOW IS YOUR NEW PLACE?

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

HE'S LYING.

THAT PLACE IS A THIRD-WORLD

COUNTRY.

WELL, I MISSED YOU GUYS, AND

I JUST WANTED YOU TO --

OH, HOW NICE.

CURTIS, YES.

HE MISSED-- YOU MISSED US?

YEAH, I WANTED YOU TO COME

OVER.

THAT'S SO NICE OF YOU.

LOOK, HERE'S A PICTURE OF US.

SO WHENEVER YOU WANT TO SEE US,

JUST LOOK AT THAT.

UNCLE CURTIS.

[ CELL PHONE RINGS ]

HEY.

YEAH, CALVIN, WHAT'S UP?

WHAT?!

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KIDS?

ARE THEY ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE,

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENED.

OKAY. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

PLEASE.

YOU KNOW THAT'S A LIE.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO...

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT...

HE WOULD NOT LIE ABOUT THE KIDS.

HE'S TRYING TO GET US AWAY

FROM HERE SO HE CAN COME IN THE

HOUSE.

NOT C.J.

WOULD YOU CLOSE THE DOOR, GET

YOUR KEYS, COME ON, LET'S GO.

ALL RIGHT.

C.J.!

YOU FORGOT YOUR PICTURE.

SO I GOT A CALL FROM MY GIRL

AND WE TALK FOR FREE BECAUSE

WE'RE ON THE SAME NETWORK, BUT I

COULDN'T HEAR BECAUSE OF ALL

THIS BAD RECEPTION, SO I

WENT TO THE ROOF AND --

CAN YOU JUST TELL US FROM

THE BEGINNING WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I

WASN'T HERE.

THEN WHY ARE WE TALKING TO

YOU?

I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

WE WERE SLEEPING AND WE HEARD

SOME NOISES.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

AND...

DADDY! DADDY!

DADDY.

ARE YOU OKAY, JAZZY?

LET ME LOOK AT YOU.

DADDY, IT WAS SO SCARY.

SOME DUDE CAME IN AND STOLE

THE TV.

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN IF YOU

WERE HERE?

OKAY, I'VE GOT A DESCRIPTION

OF THE PERPETRATOR FROM YOUR

SON.

WE'RE GOING TO DO EVERYTHING WE

CAN TO RECOVER THE STOLEN ITEMS.

BUT I WOULDN'T GET MY HOPES UP.

THIS IS A PRETTY CRIME-INFESTED

NEIGHBORHOOD AND WE'RE SCARED

TO COME HERE.

THANKS, I THINK.

CALVIN, YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY

QUESTION.

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.

TELL THEM, COUSIN CALVIN.

NOW'S YOUR TIME.

I SWEAR, MA, I COULDN'T HAVE

BEEN GONE FOR OVER TWO MINUTES.

CALVIN, YOU LEFT THEM HERE

ALONE?!

I TRUSTED YOU, MAN.

C.J., I'M SORRY.

C.J., IF I HAD KNOWN THAT YOU

WERE LIVING UP IN HERE LIKE

THIS, YOU NEVER

WOULD'VE MOVED OUT.

SO YOU AND THESE CHILDREN ARE

MOVING BACK IN WITH US UNTIL

YOU CAN FIND SOMETHING BETTER.

BETTER?

BABY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT?

AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS

PLACE.

JUST NEEDS A LITTLE PAINT.

ONE BAD APPLE.

THAT'S ALL IT IS.

COME ON, CHILDREN, LET'S GO.

[ GUNFIRE ]

AAH!

[ GUNFIRE CONTINUES ]

NO, JUST CLOSE THE

WINDOW.

JUST CLOSE THE WINDOW.

GET DOWN, YOU CRAZY WOMAN!

JUST CLOSE IT.

STOP SHOOTING!

STOP IT!

GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!

OH, MY GOODNESS.

IT'S A REAL COUCH.

CENTRAL AIR.

HEY, STOP BREATHING UP MY

COOL AIR!

CURTIS, BE NICE.

IT'S OKAY, AUNTIE ELLA, IF

UNCLE CURTIS IS A LITTLE GRUMPY.

BAAA!

AAH!

A REAL TV, A REAL TV.

GIVE ME THE REMOTE.

GIVE ME THE REMOTE.

GIVE ME THE REMOTE.

GIVE ME MY REMOTE.

THIS IS MY REMOTE FOR MY REAL

TV.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU KIDS

GO BACK IN THE ROOM SO AT LEAST

I CAN PRETEND LIKE I STILL GOT

MY PLACE TO MYSELF.

UNCLE CURTIS, THANKS FOR

LETTING US COME BACK, MAN.

I APPRECIATE IT.

NO PROBLEM, C.J.

EXCUSE ME.

DO NOT TALK FOR ME.

AS MATTER OF FACT, YOU GO FIND

C.J.'s TV.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL CHECK WITH PEANUT.

I'M SURE THE THIEF SOLD IT TO

HIM BY NOW.

EXCUSE ME.

WHY IS THERE A DISCO BALL, A

D.J. SYSTEM, AND A FIREMAN'S

POLE IN MY ROOM?

BECAUSE I HAD BIG PLANS,

LITTLE GIRL.

I HAD BIG PLANS.

OKAY.

JUST GET THE STUFF OUT OF MY

ROOM, ESPECIALLY THE FIREMAN'S

POLE.

WHAT'S UP, UNCLE CURTIS?

HEY, HEY, WHAT'S UP, NEPHEW?

OH, OKAY.

HARDWOOD FLOORS, SPACIOUS

KITCHEN.

OH, ARE YOU PLANNING ON

DOING SOME REMODELING?

NO, NO.

I'M LOOKING FOR YOUR NEW PLACE.

UNCLE CURTIS, WE JUST MOVED

IN YESTERDAY.

YEAH, AND IF I HURRY UP, YOU

CAN MOVE OUT BY TOMORROW.

AH, THAT'S TOO MUCH.

YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT.

OKAY.

OH, HERE WE GO.

HERE WE GO. IT'S PERFECT.

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S PERFECT.

I GOT YOU.

YOU KNOW YOUR UNCLE IS GONNA

LOOK OUT FOR YOU, BOY.

I'M GONNA LOOK OUT FOR YOU.

HELLO?

YES, IS THIS THE ROSWELL

CONVALESCENT HOME?

YEAH, YEAH, I WAS READING

THE PAPER THAT YOU HAVE --

YOU'RE LOOKING FOR

A LIVE-IN MANAGER.

SHUT UP.

YEAH.

OH, OH, OKAY.

CAN THEY HAVE KIDS?

NO KIDS?

ARE PETS ALLOWED?

SHUT UP.

OKAY. OH, GOOD. GOOD.

YOU ALLOW PETS.

HE HAS TWO.

GREAT. WE'LL COME BY.

OKAY.

AND YOUR CLOSING HOURS ARE?

OKAY. WHY DO YOU CLOSE SO EARLY?

OKAY, YOU HAD A DEATH?

THEY ALWAYS GOT DEATHS.

IT'S OLD PEOPLE.

HE CAN HELP CARRY

THE BODIES.

HE'S YOUNG AND STRAPPING.

OKAY.

AND THE KIDS -- I MEAN, THE PETS

ARE STRONG, TOO.

HELLO? HELLO HELLO?