Original subtitles

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh!

Ooh, that's nice.

That's nice.

Whose motorcycle is that

Parked outside?

The player in the house.

You're getting mad props for

That one right there, son.

Real talk.

Aaaaah!

Somebody stole my kitty!

Auntie ella, I'm so sorry.

Well, he's been charged with

Grand theft auto and reckless

Endangerment.

By who?

Mr. Curtis payne.

I want you to get out and

Never come back.

[ scoffs ]

[ sobbing ] Okay. Okay.

Seriously, what is the chief

Doing up there?

He's sanding the floor, but

It's gonna take a while 'cause

It's still carpeted.

I guess since he can't fix

His marriage, he's trying to

Fix everything else!

Yeah, like he fixed the

Temperature in the refrigerator.

Anyone want a moo-sicle?

I'm on my third cup of coffee

Trying to stay awake.

Since he's been living here, we

Never get a break!

Yeah, that's because he has

Us running around trying to

Refix everything that he fixed!

Aren't y'all supposed to be

Working?

Calvin, calvin, you've got to

Get your father to go back home.

Come on, please, it's been seven

Days...

Six hours...

And 39 minutes since he

Moved in.

Come on, guys, I'm sure it's

Not that bad.

All: it is!

Ow! Oh!

Oh, what happened?

I think I just almost lost

My tooth.

And why is this peach frozen?

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Why's everybody sitting down?

We got work to do.

Come on! Come on!

There's work to be done, people.

Get to work.

Y'all sitting around.

Come on, chief.

We already fixed everything,

Including stuff that didn't need

To be fixed.

You know what I say.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[ laughs ]

You know what I say.

If everybody don't get to

Fixing, some checks gonna be

Missing.

Now get to work!

Chief!

What you watching?

"Titanic."

Why you keep rewinding it and

Watching it backwards?

This way it'll have a happy

Ending.

Unlike my marriage.

Aunt ella, if you miss uncle

Curtis that much, why don't you

Just take him back?

C.J., if he were the old

Curtis, I would take him back in

A minute, but he's changed now.

To me, he's the same old

Grouchy uncle curtis he always

Was.

No. No, he has changed.

He used to be sweet and kind and

Generous when we met.

Now he's just this old stubborn

Pig-headed old fire chief.

Like I said, same as he

Always was.

You know what?

I'm still made at uncle curtis

For pressing charges against

Malik.

Sometimes uncle curtis makes me

So mad, I could ugh!

Ugh!

Did you just kick his chair?

Yeah. And it felt good.

It did?

Yeah.

You need to come and kick it,

Too.

It'd make you feel better.

Okay.

Aunt ella, kick it like you

Mean it.

Okay, then let me kick

Him in his back.

Yeah, that's right.

Kick him in his back.

[ laughs ]

Hoowa! Slide him back.

Don't run. Don't run, now.

Don't run, now.

See, what do you want to run

For?

Come on back. Come on back.

Welcome back.

I'm sorry.

[ laughs ]

He can have it.

Well, some nights, I think

I'll kick him twice.

Count 'em for me, baby.

Count out.

Let it out. Oh! There you go.

Oh!

Grrr! Moosh his head!

Straighten that carpet up before

He trip.

Thank you. Okay.

Don't kick him no more, now,

Hear?

No, I ain't gonna kick him.

I can kick him. You can't.

Okay. All right.

Ha!

You didn't know nothing about

That, did you?

I know nothing about that.

Whew, I'm thirsty.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm good.

I told you you'd feel better.

I got to get me something

Else to drink.

[ grunts ]

C.J.?

Huh?

What did you just do?

Nothing.

Fat boy.

[doorbell rings]

You hurting?

[ sighs ]

Hi.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey.

Why -- why are you breathing

S-so hard?

What -- what -- what have --

What have you been doing? Hmm?

Just kicking it.

So, I just -- I thought we

Could, um -- we could start our

Lunch date early.

Where are the kids?

Oh, I sent them to their

Grandparents in florida.

I thought with all the drama,

That they probably could use a

Break, especially malik.

Oh, great.

Well, then we can leave now.

No. No. No, not right now.

I got some things I got to do.

Tracie and I have to find a

Lawyer for malik and kyle.

Okay.

Can't, um -- can't tracie find

Her own lawyer, hmm?

Nicole, please, don't start.

Now, the boys are on the same

Case.

It'd be better if they had the

Same attorney.

Of course. Sure.

Okay, but, I mean, it's not

Gonna take all day, will it?

I don't know.

Okay.

Then, um, how about we try to do

This tomorrow?

Okay.

Okay.

No, I can't.

I have a dentist appointment

Tomorrow.

Okay.

Then how about saturday morning?

Okay, saturday -- oh, you

Know what, I told my aunt --

Ok, you know what?

Let's just forget it, then, hmm?

Let's forget it.

Why you tripping?

Because you're tripping,

Okay?

If you don't want to go out with

Me, c.J., then just say so.

Listen. Listen. Listen.

Nicole.

Are you sure you don't have any

Medical issues?

Well, there was that -- that

One time with the glue gun in

The lexus, but I've moved on.

Okay, but see, we went

Through this already, and I

Don't have no reason to lie to

You, okay?

Okay.

So I can call you later

If you like.

No.

You can call me later if you

Like.

[ laughs ]

[ laughs ]

If you like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay?

Okay.

Nice dress.

That martha stewart?

Hey, hey, chief, ruby's

Parked in the driveway.

You -- you want me to put her

Inside?

Charades!

Hey, I'm good at this.

Do that again, chief.

Let me see it. Let me see it.

Come on.

Okay, chief.

Driving -- driving us, uh...

Crazy.

No.

Oh, yeah, I get it. I get it.

Driving miss daisy!

Yeah, but, chief, you're acting

More like samuel l. Jackson

Rather than morgan freeman.

He's a little calmer, you know.

I-I don't get it.

What are you trying to say,

Chief?

Bart, my father's taken a vow

Of silence until my mom takes

Him back.

Does she know?

Yeah.

She said we should be happy that

We don't have to deal with his

Big mouth.

Chief, how many times do we

Have to clean this place?

It says, "Until I say stop."

This is ridiculous, chief.

[speaking spanish]

What does it say?

[laughs]

English, english.

That was a good one.

[ laughs ]

I think this is a bad time

To ask for a raise, right?

But I'm going through a divorce.

Hey, I can't say this in front

Of a lady.

I wouldn't even say this in

Front of men.

Ooh.

So that's how that word's

Spelled.

Man, come on, pops.

This is crazy.

I'm sure mom misses you by now.

Just go home.

Yeah, go.

Just go.

Please go.

What is that?

Is that an "R" or a "P"?

It can't be a "P" 'cause a

"P" doesn't have one of those

Squiggly little things.

No. No. No.

You're both wrong. It's a "K."

It's not a "K."

Ok, so what's that mark right

There?

Allow me.

Soy sauce.

Give me the doggone card!

No soy sauce.

It's not a "K," it's an "L."

And it says "Hell to the no."

Not soy sauce.

It's syrup. You're an idiot.

So, pops, you just broke

Your vow of silence.

Does this mean you're

Going home?

No.

It means I'm stepping it up a

Notch.

Starting right now, from this

Day forward, I'm on a hunger

Strike.

[laughter]

Okay.

Laugh all you want to.

I'm telling you, I'm not eating

Nothing until ella apologizes

And begs me to come back to that

House.

That is a shame, chief,

Because my mother sent over some

Of her world-famous blueberry

Muffins.

Uh-huh. Mmm.

And they are delicious.

I know you love them.

They're made with love, chief.

Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!

Rico. Rico!

Chief, muffins for you!

Wait! Wait! Wait! Come on! Ow!

Count my fingers.

1, 2, 3, nub.

1, 2, 3, nub.

We gonna forget about the

Hunger strike.

You go home, you tell your mama

That I'm not bathing until she

Begs me to come back to the

House.

Oh, no, chief.

Don't you think you're taking it

A little too far?

Yeah, pop, not bathing?

Come on, that's against

The firehouse rules.

What firehouse rules?

Thou shalt not stink up the

Firehouse.

That was for bart, not for

Me.

Here, chief, have another

Muffin.

Chief, you got to shower.

No showering.

Aw, come on.

I'm gonna shower myself with

Muffins.

That's it.

King of muffins.

I'm gonna sleep in them.

Bart, if you don't get away from

Me, I'm gonna kick you in your

Stomach.

We just should have seen

Another movie.

There was nothing wrong with

The movie we saw.

Oh, yes, there was.

It was starring halle berry, and

You could not keep your eyes off

Of the screen the entire time.

I was watching the movie.

[ laughing ] Yeah, sure.

That's what you call it.

Come on.

Look, I changed my plans so

That we could go to the movies,

And now you're complaining about

It?

Okay, I'm not complaining,

C.J., I'm venting.

Well, could you vent so it

Doesn't sound like you

Complaining?

Okay, you know what?

Maybe if you hadn't called

Kyle's aunt after the movie, I

Would be in a better mood.

We already talked about

This.

We have to discuss the case.

Sure. Right.

Except when I came out of the

Bathroom, you were laughing.

Trials are not funny.

Look, I told a joke.

Can I laugh?

Not with her.

How can you be jealous of

Her?

I was with you for five hours,

And I talked to her for five

Minutes.

Let it go.

Fine.

[cell phone rings]

Are you gonna get that?

No.

Why not?

'cause I don't need to answer

It.

[ laughing ] Ohh.

Oh, I see.

You don't want to answer it

Because it's someone calling who

You don't want to talk to when

You're around me.

Nicole, it's not like that.

Well, then call him back.

I don't want to.

You know what? I can't do this.

You -- you -- you can't do

What?

I can't do this anymore.

You can't be with me, huh?

Because I'm tired of your games,

Too, c.J.

What games?

You're the one who keeps

Starting these ridiculous

Arguments.

Oh. Oh, okay.

So, now it's my fault.

Don't -- don't flip the script.

You were in there just not

Answering your phone, so which

One of them was it, huh?

Which one what?

Which one was it?

Was it -- was it your crack-head

Ex-wife or was it the thieving

Juvy's auntie?

You know what?

You can't take shots at my

Ex-wife because she's in --

She's in rehab, all right?

And you don't even know tracie.

Okay, look, this is not about

Tracie or any of your other

Women, c.J.

This is about you disrespecting

Me.

[ sighs ]

Look, this is not working.

I need a break.

[ laughing ] You need a

Break.

Yes.

Yeah, of course you need a

Break.

You need a break.

[ laughs ]

You need a break.

You need a break?

What the hell?

You need a break?!

I'll show you a break.

Let's give him a break.

Let's give the little boy a

Break because he's not happy.

He wants a break!

Hey!

He wants a break.

Give me, give me something.

What else is in here?

Those don't break.

You want a break?

Does this break?

Does this break?

Oh. Oh, it breaks.

Oh, sorry, honey.

Take your break!

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Don't break nothing else.

Just let go of me, c.J.

Let go, c.J.!

All right. All right.

All right.

Hey, what the hell? Hey. Hey.

What? What? What? What?

Don't want a break now, do you?

No.

Doesn't look so good anymore,

Does it?

Does it? No, of course not.

Lorena bobbitt ring a bell?

Whew!

Stop spraying that stuff.

What are you doing?

Angel, get away from me!

But, chief, you're so stinky!

Get! Go on with you.

I told you for the last time,

I'm not bathing until ella

Apologizes and begs me to come

Back to the house.

But, pops, you wouldn't have

Even argued if you wouldn't have

Bought that stupid pimped-out

Motorcycle.

No.

We wouldn't have argued if malik

And kyle wouldn't have went joy

Riding and wrecked it in a tree.

Yeah, but why should we

Suffer because of you and miss

Ella?

If this keeps up, the sprinkler

System's going off.

If the sprinklers go off, all

You got to do is squirt him with

Some dishwashing detergent.

Mission accomplished.

I wish you'd try it.

All: whoa!

Man, this thing ain't even

Working.

It's just holding in the odor

Under my nose.

Man, pops, please, please,

Go home, make up with mom.

No.

Since your mother kicked me out

The house, this is my home.

This is my castle.

It's more like a smelly

Dungeon.

I'm gonna throw up.

Go outside. Go.

In the memory of james brown,

I'm keeping it funky!

Unh!

Oh!

[cell phone rings]

C.J., that phone has rung 42

Times.

Either answer it and talk to

Nicole or just cut it off.

No, I can't.

I got to keep it on in case

There's emergency with the kids.

I know. I know.

If you don't answer it, I will

'cause I'm gonna ask that crazy

Chick why she broke up all my

Dishes.

'cause she's crazy.

But don't worry about the

Dishes.

I'll -- I'll replace them.

Somebody better.

C.J., do you think your uncle

Misses me?

Women are so confusing.

One minute, you can't stand us.

The next minute, you want to

Take us back.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Calm down, baby.

I just asked a question.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Hey. Hey. It stopped.

She's probably just taking a

Bathroom break.

Trust me.

[cell phone rings]

Nope. There it is again.

Told you.

Break's over.

I'll be in the back if you need

Me, baby.

All right.

C.J.

Nicole.

What are you doing out there?

I just -- I need to talk to

You.

Well, I don't want to talk to

You, all right?

And stop calling me.

C.J., please, I just -- just

Open the door, please?

No!

Just -- just give me a

Minute.

Will you leave?

Please, I'm sorry I was

Jealous.

I-I was -- just, please?

[ sighs ]

Hi.

Nicole, I want things to work

Out with you, but understand my

Position.

I need you to get healthy so

That we can have a healthy

Relationship.

So that's it?

So, you're leaving. I'm leaving.

You're leaving me.

You're making me leave.

No, listen. Listen. Listen.

What? What? What?!

I just want it to work.

Calm down. Calm down.

Calm down, all right?

[ sobbing ] I just want it to

Work.

Listen. Listen.

I just want it to work.

It's not about us.

It's about you focusing on

Yourself.

No, please don't make me go,

C.J., please!

I just want to stay.

I want us to work.

I can make this work.

I can be great at this!

I can be a mom to your kids.

I won't do no crack or do

Anything crazy like that.

Just, please!

Please don't make me go.

Please don't make me go.

Please don't make me go.

Please don't make me go.

I don't want to go. Please.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, wait.

[laughing loudly]

Well, stop all that fake

Laughing.

What -- what?

What is that smell?

I don't know.

Hey, I know you miss me.

[ laughs ]

What makes you say that?

Number one, you're laughing

Too hard.

And number two,

The weather channel ain't funny.

Whatever, curtis.

What are you doing here?

And what is that smell?

Baby, I've been thinking

About this, and I decided you

Ready to take me back.

Take you back, curtis?

I never said that.

Well, then I'm coming home

'cause this is my house, and I

Pay the bills.

You heard me.

Baby -- baby, I'm tired of not

Talking and not eating and not

Bathing.

Curtis, is that you smelling

Like that?

I thought that was something on

Your shoe.

Curtis, you...

Fine, curtis. You can come home.

Uh-uh-uh, baby. Unh-unh, curtis.

Put your arms down.

You got to take a bath first.

And I'm still mad about you

Pressing charges against my

Nephew, so you, musty, will

Sleep on the couch.

No. Baby.

No, I ain't sleeping on no

Couch, woman!

I'm not gonna sleep on the

Couch.

I pay the bill in this house.

This is my house, you heard me.

Sleeping on no cou -- I decide

Where I'm gonna sleep.

And I'm sleeping...

You're sleeping.

You are so off.

...On the couch.

Oh, her timing. Oh.

[ laughs ]

Ugh!