Original subtitles

C.J.: hello, nicole.

Hey.

Yeah -- c.J.

Yeah, listen -- there's this

Great jazz trio from chicago

Playing tonight.

You want to go?

Okay, yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

So, I'll pick you up around

7:00?

Okay, bye.

Jazmine: ohh!

C.J.: what's up?

Jazmine: man, dad, I hate

Fractions!

You have to help me.

I have a test tomorrow, and I

Don't even know this stuff.

Ah! See?

Listen to this.

"Marsha has seven cookies.

She gives half a cookie to each

Andrew, minnie, and simon.

How many cookies does she have

Left?"

Hello?

Earth to daddy!

C.J.: oh, I'm sorry, baby.

I was thinking about something.

Now, can you repeat the question

Again?

Jazmine: [ sighs ]

"There are seven cookies.

Marsha gives half a cookie to

Each andrew, minnie, a--

C.J.: wait, wait, wait.

Why is she only giving them half

A cookie?

Jazmine: that's what I asked.

But ms. Giles said that had

Nothing to do with it.

C.J.: okay, so...

Minnie and mickey are giving

Three kids half a cookie each?

Jazmine: no -- marsha.

C.J.: I'm sorry, baby.

Can you repeat the question

Again?

Jazmine: daddy...

Should I just do 7 minus 1/2

Minus 1/2 minus 1/2?

What do you think?

C.J.: black suit!

I'm gonna rock the black suit.

It's gonna be fly.

Jazmine: dad!

C.J.: I'm sorry, baby.

Yeah, of course.

You can have some cookies.

Man.

You ain't got to keep talking

About it.

Put that black suit on.

She ain't even gonna be able to

Resist me.

She's gonna be like, "You look

Good."

Jazmine: sometimes I just

Feel invisible.

C.J.: hey, cally cal.

What's up, baby?

Ah, my favorite cousin.

What's going on, man?

How are you?

Everything good?

Calvin: yeah.

C.J.: I need a favor, man.

I got a date with nicole

Tonight, and since aunt ella and

Uncle curtis done snuck off to

That hotel in savannah again, I

Need you to watch the kids for

Me.

Calvin: I'm busy.

C.J.: 50 bucks?

Calvin: no problem.

Nicole sounds hot anyway.

I mean -- well, you know.

Seems very nice.

C.J.: yeah, I like her a lot.

And I'm glad uncle curtis ain't

Gonna be here, 'cause I know

Exactly what he would say.

Calvin: what's that?

C.J.: I'm fooling myself.

I'm just a fireman, you know

What I mean?

What am I doing dating a woman

Like that?

Nicole -- she all educated and

Everything.

Calvin: well, actually --

C.J.: I know exactly what he

Would say, 'cause you know he

Ain't fair!

He'd be like, "C.J., I hope you

Got some money for that date."

Calvin: well, I don't think

He would go that far.

C.J.: no, he would!

And then I would say,

"Uncle c., you ain't got to

Worry about me.

'cause I still got money to move

Up.

I'm saving up all the time."

And then he would say, "I hope

So.

I hope so, c.J., 'cause a woman

Like that don't want to be

Dating no man that's living with

His aunt and his uncle."

Calvin: c.J.

C.J.: and then I would say,

"You know what, uncle c.?

It ain't my fault that the house

Burned down!"

And then he would be like,

"C.J., it is your fault, 'cause

You married a crackhead!"

I don't believe he said that to

Me!

You believe he talk to me like

That?! Oh, man!

I got to get some air.

Calvin: okay.

C.J.: jazmine, stop throwing

That paper on the floor.

Pick that up.

Jazmine: sorry, dad.

It's just that I just can't get

It right.

C.J.: well, malik is here to

Help you study.

I got to go get my suit from the

Cleaners.

Jazmine: dad, malik?

This boy right here?

Dad, I can do bad all by myself.

C.J.: malik probably knows

More about fractions than I do.

Malik: plus dad paid me 10

Bucks.

C.J.: cousin calvin is

Upstairs.

He's gonna babysit, all right?

So y'all behave.

No more throwing paper on the

Floor, jazmine.

Malik: okay.

What's gonna be on this test?

Jazmine: well, it's all about

Fractions.

Like 1/2 - 1/4 =...

I have no idea.

Malik: okay.

Now, this is a whole carrot.

If I break it, that's a half a

Carrot.

If I break it again, that's a

1/2 and a 1/2, which equals 1/4.

Jazmine: okay.

Malik: so, 1/2 subtracts 1/4

Leaves you...

Jazmine: hmm.

Ooh!

I know! I know!

Malik: okay.

Jazmine: a small carrot.

Malik: no.

Do you have four pencils?

Jazmine: mm-hmm.

Here you go.

Malik: okay.

So, you and tiffany go to a

Store to buy pencils.

Jazmine: okay.

Malik: here, tiffany.

Here's your half.

And this is your half, jazmine.

Jazmine: hmm.

She would have wanted the pink

Ones.

Malik: focus.

So, tiffany gives her brother

Desmond a pencil.

Jazmine: [ scoffs ]

Man, desmond gets on my nerves.

He always wants what tiffany

Has.

Malik: concentrate!

Okay, now, this is 1/2 and 1/4.

Jazmine: okay.

Malik: 1/2 - 1/4 =...

Jazmine: you tell me.

I mean, isn't that what dad paid

You for?

Malik: [ scoffs ]

You know what?

I'm out of carrots, you're out

Of pencils, and you're just not

Getting it.

I'm just gonna sit here and play

My video game.

Man.

Jazmine: daddy paid you to

Help me.

Malik: forget it, jazmine.

You're gonna fail.

Jazmine: well, what am I

Supposed to do?

Malik: be creative.

Write the answers on your arm

And wear a long-sleeved t-shirt.

Jazmine: isn't that cheating?

Malik: only if you get

Caught.

C.J.: suavecito!

Bart: ooh!

C.J.: papacito!

Bart: hey, hey!

Player, player!

Angel: bart, it's playah,

Playah.

Keenan: mmm! Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Dang, c.J.

Angel: papito, está bien

Bueno.

Keenan: if I was a girl --

C.J.: hey, hey, hey, hey!

Don't play with me like that.

I do not play like that.

[ all chuckling ]

Where's calvin and the kids?

Angel: they're at the movies.

C.J.: oh, okay.

Angel: how you feeling?

C.J.: phew!

Tell you the truth, I'm a little

Nervous.

Keenan: man, you'll be fine.

But if you really want to hit it

Off, you got to pretend you

Don't want her.

Bart: or be scared of her

Like keenan is with his woman

Kim.

Keenan: at least I have a

Woman.

Angel: are you kidding?

Don't even listen to these two,

C.J.

I say you should just follow

Nicole's lead.

C.J.: I appreciate all the

Advice, really, but I think I

Can handle this myself.

Keenan: yeah?

Were you by yourself when that

Tree limb feel and calvin pushed

You out of the way?

Angel: yeah, or when we all

Talked that guy off of the

Bridge?

Bart: or when you got your

Tie caught in that paper

Shredder and it was -- oh, wait.

That was me.

Keenan: anyway, the point is,

We got your back, c.J.

Here -- wear this chain for

Luck.

I wore this the night I met kim.

Bart: it still didn't keep

The vampires away.

Angel: yeah, you still

Married her.

Keenan: [ hissing ]

Bart: [ chuckling ]

Hey, c.J., here.

My dad gave me this the night I

Graduated high school.

I never had a use for it, but I

Want you to have it now.

C.J.: a condom?

Bart: mm-hmm.

C.J.: and you had this since

You were in high school?

Bart: yeah.

Angel: bart, you do know what

It's for, right?

Bart: of course!

Why?

Do you think it's expired?

Keenan: yes, like your sex

Life.

C.J.: look, guys, I really

Appreciate all the help.

It's all real nice -- and the

1962 condom -- but I think I can

Do this all by myself.

Nicole awaits.

Holler!

Angel: ooh!

Bart: whoa!

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

That's it!

C.J.: wow, this is a great

Night.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was perfect.

Thank you.

Thank you for inviting me back

Here, and thank you for the

Concert.

C.J.: yeah, the trumpet

Player was --

He was amazing.

C.J.: yeah, he was amazing.

He was...Not as amazing as you

Are.

[ chuckles ]

Mmm.

[ both chuckling ]

C.J.: we should go inside.

Um, no.

C.J.: no?

Um...

C.J.: should we just go right

Here?

This is kind of freaky, but...

How do I say this?

Okay.

You are welcome into my kitchen,

But you can't get near my oven.

C.J.: ain't nobody in the

Kitchen or the living room or

Nothing.

We could just go right in.

Oh!

Oh, I get it.

Let me ask you...

Is that because -- 'cause this

Is our first date?

Because my mitts are too hot?

Well, your mitts are hot,

Which I like.

C.J.: you like it?

But it could be our 10th

Date, and I still wouldn't let

You near my oven.

C.J.: okay, I don't really

Know what you're talking about,

But I'm getting kind of hungry.

[ both laugh ]

Okay, basically, it's not

Gonna happen.

C.J.: I'll wait as long as

You want me to wait.

I'll wait.

I'm celibate.

C.J.: [ chuckles ]

You said you want to celebrate?

I'm not having sex until I'm

Married.

C.J.: 'cause that's funny.

[ telephone rings ]

Calvin: engine company 5.

Uh, no, he's not, but I'm his

Cousin.

Can I help you?

Oh, I see.

Her math test?

She wrote the answers on her

Arm?

Of course.

I'll make sure her father knows.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Okay, thank you.

Malik: what did she do?

Calvin: she cheated on her

Math test.

Malik: why would she do such

A thing?

I am ashamed of her.

Calvin: what should I do?

Malik: you know what?

Act like auntie ella.

She knows what to do.

Calvin: auntie ella,

Auntie ella...

Okay.

Jazmine!

Jazmine sierra payne!

Hoo!

Malik: whatever you do, do

Not name names.

Calvin: okay, jazmine, I just

Got off the phone with your

Teacher.

Can I see your arm, please?

Uh, the other arm.

Little girl, why in the world

Would you do such a thing?

Jazmine: I don't know.

I-I didn't do that.

Calvin: jazmine, I'm very

Disappointed in you.

If you cheat, how do you expect

To be a teacher or a scientist

Or the president?

Jazmine: uh, well...

From what I hear about the

President --

Calvin: that's enough!

Go to your room.

Jazmine: we're in the

Firehouse.

Calvin: well, go upstairs

Until I think of what to do with

You.

Jazmine: that's good,

Cousin calvin.

It's like auntie ella was really

Here.

Calvin: that was good, huh?

Uh, jazmine, wait.

Sit down.

Now, seriously, you can't cheat.

If you do, you'll never learn

Anything, and you'll end up in

College for seven years.

Trust me.

Malik: how do you know that,

Cousin calvin?

Calvin: oh, you got jokes.

Cj: little girl, we just need

To go over this one more time.

So, you're saying that cheating

On your math test was all your

Idea?

Jazmine: mm-hmm.

C.J.: uh-huh.

And writing all the answers on

Your arm -- you thought of that

All by yourself?

Jazmine: yes, sir.

C.J.: jazmine...

Your story is not adding up.

Jazmine: and neither is my

Math.

Maybe you should have stayed

Home and actually helped me.

C.J.: are you getting sassy?

Hey.

Jazmine.

Mr. Payne, malik.

C.J.: have a seat.

Thanks.

Jazmine, I heard about your math

Test.

I thought I'd come over and talk

With you and your dad.

C.J.: yeah, we were just

Talking about that.

Yeah.

You need to be having a lot of

Trouble with your math to try

And cheat like that.

Jazmine: yeah.

I tried to get some help.

Maybe you could meet with a

Math tutor -- you know, someone

Who could help you with

Whatever's confusing you.

Jazmine: yeah.

Maybe I need someone who

Actually knows math.

C.J.: what?

Jazmine: nothing.

You were saying?

Yes.

Mr. Payne, our high-school math

Club has a tutoring program at

The school.

I can get you the number.

C.J.: okay.

Sounds like a plan.

That'll work for you, huh?

Okay, so why don't you guys go

On upstairs so that I can talk

To nicole?

Jazmine: nicole?!

Oh, so it's like that.

C.J.: miss jameson.

Excuse me.

Jazmine: [ laughing ]

Bye, guys.

I will see you tomorrow in

School.

Jazmine: okay.

Bye, miss -- miss jameson.

[ laughs ]

C.J.: so, uh...

Is that the only reason you came

By?

Well, I kind of wanted to see

You.

I'd scared you off.

C.J.: oh, no, of course not.

I understand.

You just wanted to make sure

That the driver of the car...

Had a clean record before you

Let him take your car out onto

The road.

Clean record or not, my car

Is staying parked in my garage.

Calvin: what are you two

Talking about?

I mean, what's the point of

Eavesdropping when you can't

Understand what anybody's

Saying?

C.J.: calvin.

Calvin: no, seriously.

What are you two talking about?

What car?

[ chuckling ]

Calvin: you got a new car?

You don't have no money.

C.J., the new van gogh

Exhibit at the museum is opening

This saturday night.

Do you want to go?

Calvin: van gogh? Car, gara--

I got it.

I got it.

You -- c.J., she's "Celibent."

C.J.: [ sighs ]

Calvin: [ laughing ]

So, what you gonna do, c.J.?

"Nothing."

Shut up!

There's grown folks talking.

[ chuckles ]

Oh.

My bad. My bad.

I'm gonna let you all talk.

I'm gonna...Go to the kitchen.

[ chuckling ]

Kitchen.

C.J.: you want to...

Yeah.

Calvin: oh, y'all leaving?

C.J.: uh, cousin...

It's celibate, not celibent.

I'm coming.

Calvin: even if it is

Celibate, you ain't getting it.

Ha!

Didn't...I...Tell...You...

Not...To...Cheat...On...Your...

Math...Test?

You heard me?

Huh?

C.J.: are you...Spazzing out?

What is you doing?

What is wrong with you?

Calvin: I'm doing what pops

Would do.

I'm giving you advice on

Lil' bit.

Whoop her!

C.J.: uh...

Calvin: you heard me.

C.J.: calvin...

Calvin: no, no.

C.J.: [ chuckles ]

Okay, uh, uncle curtis...

[ laughs ]

How many times do I have to tell

You that there are other kinds

Of discipline other than the

Belt?

Calvin: what?

Ooh! A switch.

Yeah, yeah, a switch. Ooh!

I'll get you a switch.

C.J.: no, no, no.

Calvin: take the leaves off.

Come on.

C.J.: no, giving

Consequences.

Calvin: consequence.

You heard me!

Right, ella?

Curtis, I think c.J. Wants to

Try another method.

C.J.: are y'all finished?

Calvin: yeah. I'm tired.

C.J.: you crazy, too.

Jazmine, you can come down now.

We need to talk about you

Cheating, 'cause this is very

Serious.

Now, you know there are no more

Playdates with you and tiffany

For a month.

Jazmine: but, dad, we --

C.J.: ah-ah-ah!

I don't want to hear that.

Don't want to hear it.

Jazmine: daddy, can I just

Take a whupping instead?

[ belt snaps ]

C.J.: no playdates with her

For a month -- period.

Now, is there anything else that

You want to say about what you

Did?

Jazmine: no, sir.

C.J.: nobody helped you?

You cheated all by yourself?

Jazmine: yes, sir.

C.J.: all right, then.

Go on upstairs.

Calvin: well, mr. Belt...

Looks like nobody needs us

Anymore.

We had some good times.

You heard me? Huh?!

Jazmine: miss messy, your

Turn to walk the dog.

Malik, don't just sit there.

You're supposed to make the

Dolly say...

"I can't walk the dog because

I'm wearing my pretty pink

Dress!"

Malik: I'm not saying it.

I'm not saying it.

I'm out.

Jazmine: malik, if you don't

Get back here, then I'm telling

Dad all about how you helped

Jazmine cheat.

Malik: [ sighs ] Sorry, spot.

Jazmine: say it in a doll

Voice.

Malik: I can't take you for

A walk.

Jazmine: * higher *

Malik: [ high-pitched voice ]

Because I have a spot on my

Pretty pink dress.

Jazmine: yep.

Oh, okay.

And now you have to say, "I love

My pretty pink dress."

Malik: [ normal voice ] You

Know what?

Forget this.

I'm telling on myself.

Dad! Dad!

**