Original subtitles

Curtis: that's the last time.

I can't believe brown.

He got us standing in that

Cemetery for two hours, ella --

Two hours -- while he giving his

Dead daddy a tour of atlanta.

Ella: curtis, cora said that

That was pop brown's request.

Curtis: I don't care whose

Request it was.

This is atlanta, ella.

Atlanta.

That's latin for "Hot as hell."

Standing in that place, I done

Lost 20 pounds sweating in a

Suit.

Ella: curtis, curtis.

I think you found it.

I think you found it.

Curtis: oh, you're funny.

Calvin: that's it.

I'm through with dating.

I'm through.

[ laughter ]

Calvin: would you stop

Laughing? I'm serious.

I was supposed to go out with

Monica last night, and she

Flaked on me.

Curtis: is that one -- that's

The one -- the stewardess?

The one with the big --

Ella: big what?

Curtis: the big -- the big,

Uh, smile.

Pretty teeth.

Calvin: yeah, she canceled

Last night, and she said she had

To work.

Ella: well, calvin, you can't

Be mad at her for that.

Calvin: yeah, I know, but

When I went to the club, she was

There with one of my boys.

She lied.

Curtis: what? Wait a minute.

You mean to tell me another man

Took your woman?

Where did I go wrong, ella? Huh?

The boy is soft, ella.

Ella: curtis.

Calvin, baby, there are other

Fish in the sea.

Curtis: yeah, whatever.

Speaking of fish, I'm hungry.

What's for dinner, baby?

Ella: curtis, we just ate at

The repast.

Curtis: no, you just ate at

The repast.

I wasn't about to eat no pig's

Feet in a blanket.

Calvin: you know, mom, there

Should be a directory where you

Can look up girls and find out

If they're good or bad dating

Material.

Ella: calvin, you cannot

Order women from the yellow

Pages.

Calvin: yeah, but there

Should at least be a website.

Hey, that's what I'm gonna do.

That's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna create a website.

Ella: they already have

Dating websites, baby.

Calvin: yeah, but they don't

Have rating websites.

Ella: what is a rating

Website?

Calvin: well, you can check

Their rating.

Like, if they're a 5, they're

Okay, but if they're a 10,

That's when you win. Ha ha!

I'm a genius.

I'm a genius.

Curtis: hey, genius.

Hey, you should start a website

That say, "If you don't have a

Woman, just be my friend, and

You could have my woman

Dot-com."

[ laughs ]

If you can't get a date, don't

Hesitate.

Come on over. It ain't too late.

Ella: dot-com.

Calvin: you think you're so

Funny.

Curtis: not as funny as your

Shirt...

Dot-com.

Ella: coming.

Cora: hey, ella.

Ella: hey, baby.

Cora: I hope we're not

Interrupting.

Ella: come on in.

Will: hi, miss ella.

Ella: ooh!

Cora: oh, you --

Ella, you remember my cousin

Will.

Ella: of course I do.

I didn't have a chance to speak

To you at the service.

How you doing?

Will: I'm holding up.

Ella: good, come on in.

Have a seat, will.

Will: thank you.

Brown: [ crying ]

Ella: brown. Brown, come on.

Just have a seat, baby.

Brown: help me, ella.

Take my jacket.

Ella: okay.

Will: obviously, uncle brown

Is still, you know, shaken up.

Curtis: who's doing all that

Crying?

Ella: be sensitive.

Brown: curtis, I just found

Out my daddy hate me.

Curtis: brown, it's gonna be

All right. Don't worry about it.

Brown: why?

Curtis: you all right.

It's all right.

Brown: I didn't do nothing

To him. Why?

Ella: well, if it means

Anything to anybody, I thought

The service was beautiful.

Cora: it was nice.

Curtis: and that cash bar at

The wake -- nice touch.

Cora: that was pop brown's

Idea.

Will: yeah, his mind was a

Little fuzzy there at the end.

Brown: well, at least he

Looked good.

I know, 'cause I dressed him.

Y'all see how I had him?

I had him stretched in the

Casket, had a pinkie ring on

Him, and he was just...

Cora: poor pop brown.

Brown: oh, shut up, cora.

You don't know nothing about no

Style.

Madea your mama, and she walking

Around here looking like a man

In a dress.

Cora: mr. Brown, you can't be

Talking about my mother like

That.

Brown: I'm sorry, cora.

I'm just so sad.

I'm sorry.

Will: you know what?

Maybe we should come back

Another time when uncle brown

Isn't so emotional.

Ella: oh, no, no.

We understand brown.

You guys just relax and make

Yourselves at home.

Curtis: would you be careful,

Baby?

The last time we told him to

Relax, we couldn't get him out

The house.

Brown: house -- oh!

Don't say, "House."

My daddy's leaving that house to

Me. Nephew.

Ella: what?

Cora: well, mr. Brown is a

Little upset.

He got some bad news at the

Reading of the will.

Curtis: what, he found out

Pop brown wasn't his real daddy?

Will: actually, my granddad

Gave my uncle brown his house.

Brown: and it's awful.

It's a mess.

I didn't even do nothing to him.

Cora: will and I are going

Over with mr. Brown to see the

House later.

Ella: wait a minute.

He left you a house?

Brown: yes.

Ella: isn't that a blessing?

Brown: have you seen the

House? It's a mess.

You got some more meat loaf and

Potato chips?

I'm gonna make me a meat-loaf

Sandwich.

Curtis: he's right, ella.

The place is horrible.

The city done condemned the

House four times -- four times.

And every time they condemn it,

The rats carry it off a little

Bit.

Ella: curtis, stop

Exaggerating.

It can't be that bad.

Will: you see, unc?

This place is only gonna take a

Little work.

Brown: nephew, just like

Cora, this place don't need a

Little nothing.

Cora: what you trying to say?

Brown: I'm saying what I'm

Saying.

Will: it has...Potential.

You know, just imagine all the

Things you could, uh, do with

It, like...

Uh, you know, uh...

Like --

Cora, anything?

Cora: nope.

Will: unc?

Brown: not a thing.

Cora: [gasps] I got it!

Brown: what?

Cora: how about some tenants?

Brown: tennis?

Cora, you in a pair of them

Little white shorts up to there?

Girl, the devil is a liar.

Ain't nobody got time for no

Tennis.

We ain't got time to play right

Now.

Cora: mr. Brown, I didn't

Say, "Tennis."

Tenants -- you know, when you

Rent out rooms and make some

Money.

Brown: [ sighs ]

Cora, look around. Look.

Turn around. Look.

Cora: what?

Brown: are we standing in the

Same place?

Cora: yeah.

Brown: oh, cora, you're so

Gullible.

Will: but, unc, I'm sure once

This place is fixed up, you'll

See how great it can be.

Brown: why, nephew, I don't

Know.

It's gonna take a lot to fix

This place up. Look.

Cora: well, how about you

Take out a loan?

Brown: and what am I gonna

Use for collateral -- my good

Style, my looks?

Although that might not be a bad

Idea.

I can have a fashion show, and I

Can teach them how to walk.

You got to learn how to walk up

Like that, cora, and walk

Upright in church, yeah.

We can do shouting lessons.

That's what I'll do -- just,

"Thank you!"

Just like that.

Cora, you got a point.

Cora: will, he's serious.

Will: well, you know what,

Unc? Never fear.

We'll figure something out,

Right?

Brown: I just figured it out.

I'm selling it.

I'm gonna sell this before I get

Killed by somebody...

Help!

[ knock on door ]

Calvin: hey, what's up, will?

Will: what's up, calvin?

Calvin: chillin'.

Will: my cousin cora asked me

To bring this back to you guys.

Your mom let us borrow it for

The repast.

Calvin: I'll give it to her.

Hey, hey, hey, man, come here.

Will: what's up?

Calvin: check this out.

Will: what you got going on?

Calvin: it's a website I

Created where you could read

Reviews on women before you date

Them.

That way you can find out if

You're getting a hottie or a

Nottie.

Will: yo, I could have used

This before my last

Relationship.

Calvin: look, it all started

With this girl, monica.

Will: she's cute.

Calvin: no, no, looks can be

Deceiving.

Listen to this.

"After three weeks together, I

Found out that she was dating my

Friend george.

Plus, she had a wooden leg, she

Was wanted in three states for

Bank robbery, and the topper --

She gave me mono."

Will: whoa.

Is all that true?

Calvin: it doesn't have to be

True.

It just has to be effective.

Will: calvin, you sure you

Know what you're doing?

Calvin: yeah, and if you

Click here, other guys could add

Things about girls they've

Dated.

Will: yo, there are a lot of

Guys that posted pictures of

Their exes on here.

These are some fine women, man.

Calvin: yeah, they are.

I'm gonna see if I can look up

Their phone numbers.

Will: whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I thought the whole point was to

Avoid these women.

Calvin: yeah, but check this

Girl out right here.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mmm!

Will: all right, it says she

Wrecked the guy's car, ruined

His credit, and stole all his

Money.

Calvin: yeah, but since my

Dad pays for my car, I have no

Money, and my credit's shot,

I got nothing to lose.

Will: calvin, you can't

Expect to find miss right like

This.

Calvin: oh, I'm not looking

For miss right.

I'm looking for

Miss right this way, baby.

Cora: mr. Brown, what's wrong

With you?

Brown: the open house started

Hours ago, and only two people

Showed up -- you and a bill

Collector, and I didn't let her

In.

Cora: look, mr. Brown, you're

Gonna have to be patient since

You couldn't afford advertising.

Brown: well, how long do you

Think it'll take for somebody to

Notice the handwritten sign I

Put on the door?

Cora: obviously not too long.

Here's someone now.

Oh, hell, no.

Brown: see, cora, l.B. Was

Right -- a blind man wouldn't

Even buy this house.

Cora: oh, mr. Brown, please.

It's gonna be all right.

God never gives us more than

What we can handle.

Brown: I know, cora.

Cora: it's gonna be okay.

Mr. Brown, ooh, here's somebody

Now.

He looks real interested.

Now, I want you to go over

There, be proper, and make the

Sale.

Brown: be proper?

Cora: be proper.

Brown: uh, excuse me.

How can I help you?

How you doing? How you doing?

Look, I saw your sign out front.

So, you're selling this house?

Brown: yeah, you want me to

Show you around?

No, no, no, I'm good.

I can see the value from right

Here.

Brown: oh, it's something,

Ain't it?

This is the first house to have

Hot water in this neighborhood.

Really?

Brown: yes.

I'd like to make a deal with

You.

Brown: what you have in mind?

I'm asking $200,000, but how

Much you got in mind?

Look here -- for about

$2,000, man, I can get you a

Great arsonist, burn this baby

Right up.

You collect the insurance money,

Give me, say, about 30%,

Everybody's happy.

Brown: cora, that's illegal,

Ain't it?

Cora: mm-hmm.

Brown: I don't do illegal

Stuff. I'm a child of god.

No, no, no.

Sir, I'm so sorry.

Didn't mean to offend you.

But if you change your mind,

Here's my card.

I also specialize in riots.

Brown: "No" means "No."

Unh-unh, I don't do that.

All right, sir.

Well, again, my apologies.

Cora: mm-hmm.

Ma'am.

Brown: talking about burning

Up this house, cora.

Uh-oh.

Uh, excuse me.

On second thought, leave me your

Card.

You never know when I'm gonna

Roast some marshmallows and the

Place burn down.

Accidentally burn down.

I said, "Accidentally," cora.

Cora: all right, mr. Brown,

I got to get to bible study.

Cheer up.

It'll be better tomorrow.

Brown: cora, forget about

Tomorrow. Look, this is it.

I'm not gonna fix it, live in

It, sell it, or nothing.

I'm just gonna walk away.

That's what I'm gonna do.

Cora: you can't just walk

Away.

Pop brown left this house to

You.

Brown: watch me.

Cora: mr. Brown, please.

Now, I got to go, but we'll talk

More about it tomorrow,

All right?

Just promise me you won't make

Any decisions until then.

Brown: okay, I promise.

I promise, I ain't gonna do

Nothing.

Cora: see you later.

Brown: all right, cora.

[ sighs ]

Now, pop, I'm lost on this one.

I don't understand why you left

Me this house.

You taught me everything I know

About style.

I wish you were here.

Just look.

Everything just done fell apart

Since you -- well, what is this?

"Theodore levi brown."

That's me.

"You have always made me proud

With your work in the church.

You're so caring.

This is why I know -- know you

Won't let me down when I ask you

To take care of the -- the -- of

The old"?

Take care of the old?

Ella: calvin, your daddy told

Me about your problem with

Monica.

Did you take care of that?

Calvin: yeah, we called a

Truce.

Ella: good. I'm glad to see

You two worked it out like

Adults.

Calvin: turns out it wasn't

Even her at the club.

It was another girl named lisa

That looks just like her.

Ella: oh.

Calvin: from behind.

Curtis: got a behind like

Monica's? Goodness!

That girl is...

Ella: curtis, you don't

Believe me when I say I'm gonna

Knock you out, do you?

Curtis: no.

Ella: okay.

Curtis: come on, baby, come

On. Everybody know you ella ali.

Ella: right.

Calvin: monica said what I

Did was childish and she never

Wants to see me again.

Ella: well, you can't blame

Her for that, baby.

Calvin: actually, I don't

Blame her at all.

Curtis: there you go.

That's what I'm talking about,

Boy.

You get back on that saddle.

Calvin: actually, I got to

Get ready right now.

Be breezy.

Curtis: all right, all right,

And you take it easy.

[ laughs ]

Ella: bye, baby.

Curtis: whoo, I was scared

For a minute.

I thought the payne magic had

Skipped a generation.

Ella: it skipped your

Generation.

[ laughs ]

Curtis: [ laughs mockingly ]

You didn't even believe that

When you said it.

I could see it in the back of

Your head.

When you said it, this one hair

Right here said, "Phoom."

Ella: curtis.

Curtis: it knew you was

Lying.

It said, "I know the truth."

Ella: ooh, you play too much.

Curtis: [ laughs ]

Come on, baby, you know.

You know I'm a magician.

Now, you come on back here.

I'm gonna make them clothes

Disappear.

Hello!

[ laughs ]

No, for real, come on, baby.

Come on, we gonna do the magic

Trick, the magic act.

You know the one we do.

Ella: which one?

Curtis: the one where you

Jump off the headboard.

Ella: I don't want to do that

One.

Curtis: okay, we do the one

Where you hang from the fan.

Ella: I don't want to do that

One.

Levitate.

Curtis: we can do that.

We can do that one.

Ella: I want to do the one

Where I try to make you

Disappear, curtis.

Curtis: what are --

What are you doing?

Ella: abra--

Abracadabra.

Curtis: what are you doing?

Ella: trying to -- trying to

Change you into denzel.

Abra-- sesame seeds.

Curtis: sesame seeds?

Ella: sesmo -- I don't know.

Szechuan.

Uh...

Curtis: I'm gonna do like I

Always do and go play with my

Train set.

Ella: [ laughs ]

That's what I thought.

Choo-choo!

[ doorbell rings ]

Ella: behave.

Curtis: you behave.

Cora: hey, ella.

I hope it's not too late.

Curtis: it is.

Ella: don't mind him.

Hey, how are you, will?

Brown: hey, ella.

Ella: oh, brown.

Brown: thank y'all for

Inviting me.

I just really wanted to share

This with everybody at one time

'cause I didn't want to repeat

Myself.

All rise for the hearing of the

News. Rise.

Rise.

Thank you.

Will: we're all here.

What is it?

Brown: y'all, we're gathered

Here today for this most

Suspicious occasion.

Y'all, I got a message from my

Daddy.

You may be seated in the

Presence of the lord.

Curtis: wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Isn't he dead?

Ella: curtis, hush.

Go on, brown.

Brown: well, y'all, I decided

To keep the house.

Ella: oh.

Cora: what made you change

Your mind about selling?

Brown: oh, I didn't change my

Mind. My daddy changed my mind.

Curtis: seriously, isn't he

Dead?

We just buried the man, ella.

The man is talking more now than

He did when he was alive.

Brown: oh, no, he didn't talk

Or say nothing.

See, daddy left me this letter,

And it said I should take care

Of the old.

Will: I don't get it.

Brown: well, see, the letter

Was pop's way of telling me to

Open up an old-folk home, so

That's what I'm gonna do.

Ella: that is a great idea,

But claretha already has a

Retirement home right here in

The area.

Brown: not a retirement home,

An old-folk home, where people

That don't want to work can come

And stay. Duh!

Weren't you listening to me?

Cora: mr. Brown, an

Old-folks' home and retirement

Home are the same thing.

Brown: same thing?

Will: same thing.

Brown: well, it's okay.

There's enough room for another,

'cause there's a bunch of old

Peoples here in atlanta.

I see them driving on the

Freeway in the fast lane just

Slow, just...

Just like that.

Will: well, you know what?

I actually think this is a great

Way to honor pop brown.

Curtis: you know what?

I think it's a great way to lose

What little money you got.

Ella: curtis, if his daddy

Wants him to do this, let's just

Support him.

It could be a huge success.

Brown: mm-hmm, thank you,

Ella.

You just give me a low five.

You're too short.

Curtis: okay, now, are you

Through telling us whatever you

Had to tell us?

Brown: yeah, I can preach if

You want me to. I don't mind.

Curtis: no, please don't.

As a matter of fact, follow your

Father's example and put it in a

Letter.

Ella: curtis!

Stop being rude to our guests.

Curtis: cora and will are our

Guests.

Brown is...Brown.

Brown: thank you.

Curtis: and orange and blue

And yellow.

Cora: thank you, ella,

So much.

We should be going, anyway.

I just want to thank y'all for

Everything you've done for us

During this time of difficulty.

Brown: yeah, ella, thank you

For helping us through this.

In this time of believement --

Cora: bereavement, come on.

Brown: yes, yes, that.

Thank you so much.

Will: thanks, y'all.

Take care, mr. Curtis.

Curtis: all right, will.

Brown: oh, yes.

Ella, thank you so much for

Those prune brownies.

They were just -- my stomach was

Ju-- [growls]

Ella: [ laughs ]

Well, listen, I'm glad you liked

Them, and I can make you some

More tomorrow.

Brown: cor-- I told you she

Was -- oh, ella, you was always

Been so nice to me, especially

When y'all was little chubby

Cheerleaders.

You remember?

Do one. Let me see.

Y'all used to cheer.

Do one for me.

Go on and do it like y'all used

To be doing.

Cora: no, she really is nice.

Thank you.

Brown: remember that time you

Jumped on her shoulders and just

Broke her down like that?

Y'all, do one for me.

Come on, just...

* boom, bam bam *

* boom, bam bam *

Do one for me.

Ella: you do it.

Brown: go, team, hey!

Ella: yes!

Curtis: beyoncé!

Boy, what are you doing?

You messed up my nap time,

Calvin.

Calvin: pops, I'm sorry, but

You got to hide me.

Curtis: hide you from what?

Calvin: monica.

She's mad at me because all the

Girls from the website like me

Instead of hating me.

Curtis: monica's out there?

Calvin: yeah.

Curtis: she's out here?

Ain't nobody out here.

Ain't nobody out here.

Calvin: you sure?

Curtis: ain't nobody out

Here, calvin.

Come look.

Get over here.

Ain't nobody out here.

You running around like you

Crazy. Look.

Here he is, monica!

Get him!

Calvin: wait!

Curtis: [ laughs ]

Calvin: pops!

Curtis: get him, baby.

Yeah, like that.

Monica.

Monica, don't hit him in the

Face. Don't hit him in the face.

Turn around, turn around.

Yeah.

Ella: curtis!