Original subtitles

Curtis: why does that sound

Familiar?

Announcer: previously, on

"House of payne"...

Brown: curtis, I'm glad

You're here!

My house burnt down!

I've been delivered from the

Fiery furnace, curtis!

Curtis: brown...

Brown: I ain't gonna stay

Here long.

Three to four to five or six

Or -- I'm not gonna be here no

Longer than seven months.

Curtis.

Ella: curtis!

Brown: curtis!

Ella: that ain't --

Curtis!

Brown: wait a minute.

Brown: uh, look, I made

Myself an honorary fire chief.

Brown: hey!

Y'all know y'all can get

Pregnant from kissing.

Ella: brown, I made you a

To-go plate.

Brown: oh, thank you.

That's so nice.

Ella: whoo! Now go!

Brown: I will.

Ella: whoo!

* hallelujah *

Curtis: whoa!

Brown: I know there was

Something I forgot to tell

Y'all!

That check ain't gonna be ready

For another 10 days --

The insurance check.

Brown: this is just like a

Big old island getaway.

Curtis: brown...

Brown: huh?

Curtis: ...You need to get...

Away.

Ella: yes.

Brown: oh, curtis, you don't

Mean that.

Quit playing.

Curtis: [ chuckling ] Oh, no,

But, really, really.

I really do mean it.

Brown: curtis --

Curtis: you need to get away.

Brown: you want me to stay.

Quit playing.

[ laughs ]

Y'all like me.

Curtis: no, I'm not playing,

Brown.

I want you to get out!

Brown: curtis!

Ow! Ow! Owww!

Ella: aah!

Curtis: ow!

Brown: oww!

Ella: ugh-huh!

What? What?

Brown: [ gasps ] I can't...

[gasps] My back...

[gasps] My neck...

[gasps] My neck and my back.

Owww!

Curtis: you ain't got no

Neck, brown!

Brown: well, something is

Hurting me.

Ella: okay.

Curtis: he's faking, ella.

Brown: I'm not faking.

Curtis: he faking, he faking.

Ella: curtis, curtis, I don't

Think he's faking.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Just -- okay, brown?

Brown: huh?

Ella: listen.

You think you can just lay down

On the couch, okay?

Brown: yeah, let me lay.

Ella: just lay right there.

Curtis: you don't need to lay

Down.

Time to get up.

Ella: curtis, let him lay

Down on the couch.

Curtis: you don't need to lay

Down --

Ella: curtis...

Brown: wait a minute, y'all.

Ella: curtis, don't push him

Back anymore, okay?

Now, I'm not playing.

Curtis: okay.

Ella: let him lay down.

Brown: aah!

[ breathing heavily ]

I'm sorry, y'all.

Sometime my back just goes out

When people's jolting me.

Ella: okay, don't be sorry,

Brown, because part of this is

Curtis's fault.

Brown: oh.

Ella: all right, uh, brown,

Let me get a heating pad, okay?

Brown: okay.

Ella: come on, curtis.

Brown: ella.

Ella: help me find a heating

Pad.

Brown: ella, I'm not gonna

Make it.

Ella: okay.

Brown: tell everybody I love

Them.

Ella: curtis.

Curtis: [ grunts ]

Ella: curtis, now, he has to

Stay here until his back gets

Better.

Curtis: no, he doesn't!

He can go lay in a bed at a

Hotel.

Ella: hotel?

Curtis, there would be nobody

There to help him.

And the check did not clear,

Remember?

Curtis: well, then, we can

Take up an offering.

And go put him in a hotel and

Get him a nurse.

Ella: no.

Now, I'm not happy about this,

Either.

If you hadn't played tug-of-war

With him, then he wouldn't be in

There laid out.

Curtis: okay, so, now it's

My fault.

It's my fault now, huh?

[ grunts ]

Fine!

Ella: he stays.

Curtis: okay, well, you're

Taking care of him.

How about that?

Brown: oh! [ sighs ]

Y'all done made me pigeon-toed.

Look.

Ohh.

Ella: brown, we don't have a

Heating pad, and, uh...

You can stay here.

Brown: really?

I mean, ow, ooh.

[ gasps ]

Oh, y'all so sweet...

Like just two chubby angels for

The lord.

Both: it's cherub!

Brown: [ snoring ]

Kevin: why is there a

Homeless guy sleeping on your

Couch?

Malik: that's my uncle's

Friend, mr. Brown.

Jazmine: and he's not

Homeless.

His house burned down, so he's

Decided to stay here.

Kevin: didn't your house burn

Down, and isn't that why you're

Staying here?

Both: shut up.

Kevin: [ chuckles ]

Malik: hey, let's go talk

About our plan.

Jazmine: oh, cool!

Wait, what plan?

Malik: the plan that you will

Never know about.

Jazmine: well, you might as

Well just go ahead and tell me,

Because you know that I'm gonna

Find out anyway, so...

Kevin: yeah, she does have

Some type of supergirl senses.

Malik: whatever.

Just beat it, jazmine, okay?

Jazmine: [ sighs ]

Have it your way.

Brown: [ muttering ]

Malik: I think mr. Brown

Having a bad dream.

Brown: [ groaning ]

Kevin: let's make it worse.

Malik: m-mr. Brown?

Kevin: m-mr. Brown?

Brown: yes, lord, is that

You?

Kevin: [ deep voice ] Yes,

My son.

Brown: lord, is this

Heaven?

Them the pearly gates?

Malik: [ deep voice ] Uh, no,

My son.

You are talking to the devil.

You are in hell!

Brown: say what?

I didn't make it?

Malik: no, you have failed

Me, brown.

Brown: lord, what do I need

To do to get into heaven?

Oh, I want to make it.

Malik: you must meow like a

Cat.

Brown: lord, is you punishing

Me for dropping that cat down

The fire escape?

Malik: y-yes, I am, brown.

Just do it, sucker!

Brown: meow.

Meow!

Malik: oh, okay.

That will be enough.

Brown: meow!

Meow!!

Malik: okay, okay, that will

Be enough.

See, that is your problem.

You do not listen, brown.

Brown: lord, can I get in

Now?

Malik: no.

You did not listen.

Brown: I thought I...

Yeah?

Ooh, I got to go to the

Bathroom.

That was a bad dream.

Malik: [ normal voice ] How

Much money we got?

Kevin: [ normal voice ] Well,

I got $30.

What about you?

Malik: oh, I got about $35.

So, where we getting our tattoos

At?

Kevin: I think that's

Personal.

Malik: not -- not where on

Our bodies, fool.

I'm talking about where do we

Have to go?

Kevin: oh.

Well, desmond, he said his older

Cousin does them in his

Basement.

We could go by there tomorrow

After school.

Malik: so, what you gonna

Get?

Kevin: a rose.

Malik: [ scoffs ] Punk.

Kevin: I mean, a rose with a

Snake wrapped around it.

What about you?

Malik: you know, I think I'm

Gonna get the skull with the

Crossbones.

Kevin: what are you --

A biker?

Malik: all right, all right.

No, I'm gonna -- I'm gonna get

My mom's name tattooed on my

Arm.

Kevin: cool.

Malik: you know how the girls

Like that sentimental stuff.

Kevin: yeah, you know --

[ chuckling ]

Malik: now, you know what I'm

Talking about?

Buzz, buzz.

That's what they're gonna do.

[ chuckles ]

Jazmine: [ chuckles ]

That's not gonna work.

Malik: what's not gonna work?

Jazmine: the thing you're

Trying to do.

Kevin: wait, how'd you know

We're gonna --

Malik: no, kevin, wait, wait.

What are we trying to do,

Jazmine?

Jazmine: you know.

Malik: [ chuckling ]

Nice try. Nice try.

Jazmine: ohh!

Kevin: see, you feel that?

I knew you was gonna cut me off.

Malik: oh, you knew that?

Kevin: you had that --

Yeah, I knew that.

Brown: [ grunts ]

Ella!

[ bell jingling ]

Ella!

Ella: what is it? What is it?

Brown: hurry, ella! Hurry!

Ella: what is it?

Brown: can you pass me the

Remote?

I couldn't reach it.

It was right -- I just...

Thank you so much.

You're so kind.

I like your hair.

Ella: thank you.

Brown: yes, oh, this --

Ooh, this is my show right here,

Ella.

This is my show.

Ella: oh. Oh.

Brown: I watches it every

Day.

Ella: good, good.

Brown: ooh, my neck.

Ella!

Ella!!

[ bell jingling ]

Ella!

Ella: what, brown?

Brown: you can't hear that

When I'm ringing?

Ella: what, what, what, what?

Brown: I'm ringing it loud as

I can.

Ella: okay, stop ringing

That.

Brown: okay.

Ella, I hate to keep bothering

You, but can you do me

Something -- one more favor?

Can you put a pillow under my

Back so I won't spasm out?

Go ahead, ella.

Ohh.

[ muffled ] Ella! Ella!

Ella, what the devil?

Ella: okay, okay, lift up,

Lift up, lift up.

Brown: oh, ella!

Thank you, ella.

Ooh, thank you so much.

You got a fan?

I likes to sleep with a fan on.

Ooh.

[ bell jingling ]

Ella!!

[ whistles ]

Ella: what?

Brown: ella!

When I do like that, you come

'cause I'm --

Ella: what, what, what, what?

What?!

Brown: can I trouble you for

A glass of water?

Ella: I'll be right back.

Brown: thank you.

Whoo.

Y'all got cable?

[ bell jingling ]

You can't hear that?

[ gasping ]

Hey, curtis.

I've been laying around here all

Day.

Ever since you broke my back,

I can't do nothing.

All I can move is my eyes.

Look.

How you doing, curtis?

Curtis: I was fine till I

Came home.

Brown: curtis, can I get you

To do something for me?

Curtis: what, brown?

Brown: oh, curtis.

Can you -- can you "Cassage" my

Back?

I was gonna get ella to do it,

But that wouldn't be right for

Her to look at me with no shirt

On and then have to look at you.

That ain't -- mnh-mnh.

Some things just ain't fair in

Life.

Curtis: I'm not touching your

Back, brown.

Brown: well, can you at least

Do my foot?

Curtis: I'm not touching your

Feet, brown.

Brown: come here.

Do my temples. Just--

It'll take the pressure off my

Back if you do my temples.

Give my your other hand.

Do my temples.

Ow! Ow! Curtis! Wait a minute!

That's too tight.

It's too tight, curtis!

Curtis: that's it!

That's it!

You got to get out.

I'm calling cora right now so

She can come and...Pick you up!

Brown: well, she can't pick

Me up, not with the stuff she

Carrying.

That'll be too much on her back.

Curtis: I don't mean pick you

Up, lift you, I mean come and

Get you out of my house.

Brown: oh, curtis.

You're so hostility.

Curtis: what's the number?!

[ whimpering ]

Brown: did you bring the

Water?

[ grunting ]

Ahh.

Curtis, I sure appreciate you

Strapping me to this dolly,

Letting me eat with y'all.

Thank you.

Y'all so kind.

Curtis: don't mention it.

Brown: ella, I sure

Appreciate you cutting up the

Food and letting these children

Throw it in my mouth.

It made it much easier.

Ella: don't mention it.

Brown: malik, you got good

Aim, boy.

Malik: thank you.

And it was fun.

Jazmine: I'm really sorry,

Again, for splashing gravy all

Over you, mr. Brown.

Brown: oh, that's okay, baby.

It was good, yes.

It's a little lumpy.

Yeah, she don't make gravy like

Cora.

[ doorbell rings ]

Curtis: cora.

Ella: I'll get it.

I'll get it, curtis.

I'll get it.

Brown: curtis!

Hey! Y'all forgot me, curtis!

Come get me!

Cora: hey.

How you doing, ella?

Ella: good, baby, how are

You?

Cora: I'm doing good.

Ella: okay, he'll be right

Out.

Cora: okay, yeah.

Everything all right?

Ella: good, everything's

Good. Glad you're here.

Brown: cora.

Oh, hey, baby.

Ohh.

Curtis: [ breathing heavily ]

Cora: why is mr. Brown

Strapped to a dolly, looking

Like hannibal lecter?

Brown: oh, cora, curtis was

Kind enough to strap me to this

So I can eat dinner with him and

The children.

Ella: whoo.

Cora, we are so glad that you

Decided to come and take brown

With you.

Curtis: yes.

Cora: well, about that, uh...

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Ella: w-w-wait.

What -- what's wrong, cora?

Curtis: you are not about to

Tell me we're stuck with brown.

Cora: well, actually, it's

About your daddy, pop brown.

Curtis: wait, hold on.

What is it?

Wait, wait.

Let me brace myself.

Cora: he's dead.

Brown: oh, he dead!

Ohh!

Not my daddy!

Brown: [ crying ] I can't

Believe pop brown is gone, cora.

He gone, cora.

You miss him?

Cora: I've never met him.

Brown: oh, I'm gonna have to

Introduce y'all at the funeral,

Cora.

Cora: okay, well...

Brown: oh, you would like

Him.

Cora: he was a good man.

Ella: I thought you said you

Never met him.

Cora: oh, from what I heard,

He was a good man.

Ella: oh, yes, he was, yes.

Curtis: I didn't know who the

Hell he was, either.

Ella: curtis!

Curtis: [ clears throat ]

Your pop daddy -- poor brown.

Poor daddy brown.

Brown: cora?

Cora: hmm?

Brown: does everybody know?

Do peoples know about him?

Cora: well, the immediate

Family knows.

Will and vera over at l.B.'s and

Sarah's house.

And I'm gonna go over there

Later on tonight.

Brown: okay, cora.

Get somebody -- get a pencil so

We can make funeral

Arrangements, cora.

Cora: get a pencil?

Brown: yeah, we got to make

Them arrangements.

We need flowers, we need a

Casket, we got to have doves.

Peoples got to sing.

We'll get pres to sing, cora.

Cora.

Cora: mr. Brown --

Brown: we got to make a

Seating chart.

Get us a seating chart.

Cora: mr. Brown, it's not a

Wedding.

You don't need a seating chart.

Brown: yes, we do.

Mable and brother rupert can't

Be sitting by each other.

They say they got history.

Ella: if you need any help...

Curtis: you can call

Somebody.

Brown: you know what, cora?

Cora: hmm?

Brown: you can sing at the

Funeral.

You sing so lovely.

Sing this.

* this is your granddaddy *

* this is your granddaddy *

* this is your granddaddy *

* your granddaddy *

* your granddaddy-y-y-y *

Sing it.

Cora: * this is your *

* granddaddy *

Both: * this is your *

* granddaddy *

Brown: sing it.

Sing it, cora.

Both: * this is your *

* granddaddy *

* your granddaddy *

* your granddaddy-y-y-y *

* this is your granddaddy... *

Curtis: * this *

* is your granddaddy *

* this is your granddaddy *

* this is your, this is your *

* this is your, this is your *

* granddaddy, granddaddy *

* this... *

Brown: thank you!

Curtis: * ...Is your *

* granddaddy *

* this *

* is your granddaddy *

Brown: hoo!

Both: * granddaddy *

Brown: hoo!

Both: * granddaddy *

Brown: hoo!

Both: * granddaddy *

Brown: hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Malik: man, my arm hurts.

Kevin: why?

You didn't even finish getting

The tattoo.

Malik: so? It still hurts.

Kevin: malik, you got a dot.

Malik: so?

You didn't get a tattoo at all.

Kevin: that's because I saw

How much your dot hurt.

Malik: what are you doing?

Jazmine: be-beep-beep-beep,

Beep, beep, beep-beep-beep-beep.

I smell blood.

Malik: smell what?

Jazmine: [ gasps ]

Malik: what are you --

A vampire or something?

Jazmine: ooh.

Did -- did you get a tattoo?!

Jazmine: wait until I tell

Daddy when he comes back from

His conference!

Kevin: but, see, it's not

Even a tattoo.

It's just a dot.

Malik: I think it's infected.

Jazmine: ohh, well.

I guess I'll just tell auntie.

Auntie ella!

Malik: no, no, no.

Jazmine: I'm listening.

Malik: I will do your

Homework for a month.

Jazmine: and?

Malik: and I will do all of

Your chores.

Jazmine: [ british accent ]

And?

Malik: [ british accent ]

What else is there?

Jazmine: you know.

Malik: [ normal voice ]

Jazmine.

[ chuckles ]

Kevin is here.

We -- we have company.

Jazmine: [ normal voice ]

Okay.

Auntie ella!!

Malik: okay, okay, okay.

Jazmine, I will play tea party

With you and miss missy, okay?

Kevin: [ laughing ]

Tea party?

You and miss missy?

Malik: shut up, kevin.

Kevin: make me tea, man.

Curtis: what's all that

Noise?

Kevin: hi -- hi, mr. Payne.

Curtis: hello, kevin.

Jazmine: hey, uncle curtis,

I hate to get in all your

Personal business, but have you

Ever gotten a tattoo?

Curtis: a tattoo?

Jazmine: mm-hmm.

Curtis: where'd that come

From?

I got no tattoo.

I would never deface this

Gorgeous body.

Y'all stop playing in here.

[ chuckling ] Tattoo.

Kevin: malik, you okay?

Malik: I think so.

Uh, did the room change to

Purple?

Is it -- it's purple to you,

Right?

'cause it -- why is it spinning

Now?

Brown: well, y'all, just

Thank y'all so much for y'all

"Hospility."

Cora: [ laughs ]

And thank you for putting up

With mr. Brown.

Ella: oh, no problem.

He was -- he was no trouble at

All.

Curtis: the hell he wasn't.

How you -- how you gonna just

Lie?

Ella: would you be quiet?

Brown: oh, it's okay, ella.

I know curtis really loves me.

We had fun, didn't we?

Curtis: yeah, whatever.

Okay, bye.

Brown: curtis, can you do me

One favor?

Curtis: no.

Brown: this for my daddy.

You know I'm feeling bad.

Look at me, I'm sad.

Can we have the wake here?

What we'll do is we'll set his

Body right there in the middle

Of the floor, and we'll have

Peoples to march through and

Bring 'em around, curtis.

You ought to just let us come

Through here with the casket.

Curtis: no, brown.

Brown: can we have the

Repast?

We can repast him through here.

Curtis: no.

Brown: please, curtis.

You -- you can let me have it in

Here.

Curtis: no.

Brown: yeah, uh, can we have

The candlelight dinner here?

Curtis, come on, please.

Let me do something here with

Him.

Curtis: cora, this is not

Meant for you.

Ugh.

Brown: curtis, can you at

Least let me put him in the

Garage and we can do a

Drive-through and peoples can

Order stuff when they drive

Through?

Curtis: ugh!

Ella: lock it, lock it!

Spin and lock it.

Curtis...

Too much, too much, too much,

Too much.

Too much.

Curtis, curtis, too much!

Brown: curtis, I come back --

Curtis: aaaah!

Brown: y'all left the

Back door unlocked.

Malik: auntie ella...

I need you.

Ella: w-w-w-w-what's wrong,

Baby?

Malik: I think I have an

Infection.

Curtis: that's something you

Need to deal with when your

Daddy gets back.

Ella: sit down, sit down.

Malik: no, on my arm.

Ella: ooh, curtis!

Malik, what happened?

Malik: I got a tattoo.

Ella: let me get the

First-aid kit.

Curtis: malik, what in the

World would make you get a

Tattoo?

Malik: me and kevin thought

They would be cool, so we tried

To go get some, but mine started

Hurting too bad, so I had to

Stop.

Curtis: well, good.

That's what you get.

Ella: where did you go to get

A tattoo?

Malik: desmond's older cousin

Does them in his basement.

Ella: in his basement?

Malik, do you know how dangerous

That is?

Those tools were probably not

Even clean.

Malik: will my arm ever be

Okay?

Curtis: let me see.

Malik: ow!

Curtis: ugh.

Malik: ugh. Ow.

Oww!

Curtis: baby, I think it's

Infected to the bone.

Ella: curtis.

Curtis: it's -- you ought to

Look at it.

It's nasty, look at it.

Malik: don't. Ohh!

Curtis: you know what?

We got to take it off from the

Shoulder.

I'm gonna go get the saw.

Malik: huh?!

Curtis: you got to lose that

One, son.

Malik: oh, don't -- ow!

**