Original subtitles

Jazmine: come on, hammie. You're free now.

And since you're mine,

I'm changing your name To ree ree.

Ella: jazmine?

Jazmine: hold tight. I'll be right back.

Yes, auntie?

Ella: jazi?

Hey, baby, I made you some soup.

You want to just come get it Before it gets cold?

Jazmine: uh, no, I'm--

I'm not hungry.

Ella: okay, baby.

But it's your favorite--

Chicken noodle.

Jazmine: thanks, But I have

A lot of homework To do.

Ella: you do? Jazmine: mm-hmm.

Ella: oh, okay.

Jazmine: uh.

Ella: that's trash? You want me to take it?

Jazmine: no. No.

Ella: okay. Well, listen--

I'll put it in the microwave

If you should Get hungry, okay?

Jazmine: thanks, auntie.

Ella: you sure you don't Want me to take that box?

Jazmine: oh, I'm sure. Yes, ma'am.

Ella: okay. All right.

Jazmine: [ exhales ]

That was close.

Okay, ree ree, It's all good now.

And I know that you're gonna Like it here better

Than ms. Giles' class,

Next to that Nasty, old snake.

Hmm.

Well, I got to hide you

So no one can ever Take you away.

Curtis: it's too much.

Ain't that much Air in the world.

Ella: what are we supposed To do-- just burn up?

Curtis: I keep telling you To bring

Some of them Church fans home.

Putting all my money up.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. How are you?

Nicole: hi, I'm nicole jamieson,

Assistant principal At hamilton.

Curtis: assistant principal, Ms. Jamieson?

Ella: curtis, if you don't Let your stomach out,

You gonna pass out.

Curtis: ohh. Thank you, baby.

[ laughs ]

I'm looking for mr. Payne.

Curtis: oh, okay. Well, Come on in. Come on in.

I'm curtis payne. Yeah, I'm malik's uncle.

His father's out of town.

What did malik do? Malik, get out here now!

Nicole: malik is doing fine.

I'm actually here Because of jazmine.

Ella: jazmine? Come on in. Come on in.

Have a seat, ms. Jamieson.

How can we help you?

Nicole: well, A hamster's missing

From one of the classrooms,

And we suspect jazmine

May have something To do with it.

Ella: you-- okay, You're accusing

The little girl Of stealing?

Nicole: well, it's possible.

I mean, I've been In the school system

For 10 years, And I know how kids

Can get attached To classroom pets.

And I have reason To believe jazmine did it.

Curtis: well, I got reason To believe o.J. Did it,

But I'm not gonna go Accusing the brother

Without a glove That fits.

Now, I know my niece Is not a thief.

Nicole: the teacher Found this

In jazmine's desk.

Ella: "Fight the power.

No freedom, no peace.

Let hammie go."

Nicole: the teacher confirmed It's jazmine's handwriting.

Curtis: so what? She believes In hamster's rights.

Nicole: well, it also proves That she had motive

And opportunity To liberate said hamster.

Curtis: what the hell Is this, csi: atlanta?

Ella: ms. Jamieson, Jazmine does not steal.

Are you sure you're not Looking for malik?

Curtis: that's who she wants. Malik! Get out here now!

You know he got His mama's genes.

Malik: you called me, Uncle curtis?

Ella: baby, Do you know anything

About jazmine And a missing hamster?

Malik?

Curtis: hello?

Jazi!

Ella: malik.

Malik: uh...

Oh, uh, wow, ms. Jamieson,

You look different Than you do at school.

Nicole: is that Good or bad?

Malik: oh, that's real good.

Realgood.

Jazmine: yes, uncle curtis?

Bye, uncle curtis.

Curtis: jazi, Come back here.

Ms. Jamieson wanted To talk to you.

Come say hello.

Jazmine: hi, ms. Jamieson.

Nicole: hi, jazmine.

Look, you know Hammie the hamster

In ms. Giles' class?

Jazmine: Can you describe her?

Ella: jazmine. Jazmine: okay, okay.

I guess I've seen her.

Nicole: well, she's missing.

Jazmine: missing?!

Well, what y'all Doing standing there?

Y'all got to call 911.

Nicole: [ chuckles ]

Jazmine, One of your classmates

Said hammie was afraid

Living next To sammy the snake.

Jazmine: oh, yes, She was scared to death.

Nicole: did you take her To protect her?

Jazmine: I'm sorry. Can you Repeat the question, please?

Curtis: look, harriet tubman, Did you rescue the hamster

And lead her off To freedom or not?

Jazmine: no, uncle curtis.

I would never do that.

Ella: she didn't do it.

Curtis: there you go.

Ella: she did not do it.

Curtis: maybe the hamster Ran off by itself.

Hamsters can do that, huh?

If the hamster Went cruising,

Don't go accusing.

Nicole: well, I-I, um--

I apologize for interrupting Your afternoon.

Curtis: yeah, And I apologize, too.

Thank you for coming by, Detective jamieson.

Malik: oh, uh, let me get

The door for you, Ms. Jamieson.

Nicole: thank you, malik.

Malik: you're welcome.

Bye, ms. Jamieson.

[ chuckles ]

Curtis: I know one thing. If you don't let

Your stomach out, You gonna pass out.

There he is!

[ laughs ] He back.

C.J.: pops, you just need To buy me a new carburetor.

Psch!

Kevin: you gonna Keep on hitting...

Curtis: you know I can fix this thing.

I'm good with my hands Like that.

Malik: uh, cousin calvin.

How do you attract A nice girl?

C.J.: I've got the answer If you've got $20.

Malik: you're gonna Charge me for advice?

C.J.: yep, I need the money To attract a nice girl.

Curtis: look, if you want To attract a girl,

You need to ask A real player.

C.J.: please.

Your players card Is expired.

Malik, if you want To get a girl,

Just write her a note.

Ask her to check "Yes" If she likes you

And "No" if she doesn't.

Malik: but what if She checks "No"?

Curtis: then you scratch Her name out

And write Another girl's name there.

C.J.: or-- Curtis: look.

Tell her how nice she looks. Women like that.

Kevin: oh, so then He can get with her, right?

Curtis: hold on.

What do you mean By "Get with her"?

Malik: you know-- Get with her.

Take her to the movies.

Curtis: duh!

Yeah, you get with her Like that.

C.J.: yeah, well, Or you can take her

Some of your auntie's Pound cake.

She'll love that.

Curtis: no, she won't.

You trying To get that boy killed?

This is my pound cake, okay?

You touch the pound cake,

You get pounded on.

You heard me?

C.J.: ugh!

Kevin: [ laughs ]

[ squeals ]

Man, don't let her Get to you.

Malik: she just makes me Feel invisible.

Curtis: there's my boy.

C.J.: so how'd it go

With your little girlfriend, Player player?

Kevin: she was so cold,

His breath formed icicles When he talked to her.

C.J.: she's just Playing hard to get.

Did you try the note?

Malik: yeah, I tried The note.

She didn't even read it.

None of your advice worked.

Curtis: write her A love song.

That always work. That's free.

Malik: uncle curtis, I don't know nothing

About writing love songs.

Curtis: what do you think 8-tracks are for, boy?

Get the 8-track,

Write the lyrics down Like a poem.

Malik: uh, what Are 8-tracks?

Curtis: 8-tracks. That's right. You young.

8-tracks was out When they had records.

Malik: what are records?

Curtis: records are like Small albums.

Malik: what are albums?

Curtis: albums are--

How did we get On this subject?

C.J.: malik, if you want To get the girl,

Just throw her some Of your best pickup lines,

Like...

"Baby, are you gonna Take my number,

Or are you gonna let Your future walk past you"?

Kevin: [ laughs ] I like that.

"Walk past you."

Malik: that was hot, Cousin calvin.

Curtis: you're about To trip past it.

Malik: I like that.

Curtis: that's cool If you trying to pick up

A fifth-grader.

I'm gonna tell you How to pick up

A woman, all right?

First of all, You always

Got to have Your lean on.

Always got that. You heard me?

Then you always Got to have

Your hip out like that Just a little bit

'cause it adds to the lean.

Throw your pinky out.

I'm telling you How to mess with women.

You hear what I'm saying? Malik: I hear you.

Curtis: well, you ease Into it. You ease into it.

Come back up. Come back up.

Come back up. Come back up.

Straight up.

Now drop into it.

There you go. Lean more now.

Now, this friday You gonna drop this on her

And drop your line To her.

You talk to her Kind of sideways.

You say, "Hey, baby,

Your daddy must have Been a boxer,

'cause you Knocked me out."

Malik: yeah! Curtis: [ laughs ]

That's how Real players do it.

C.J.: yeah, that's cool

For an old-school pimp From alabama.

Look, try this one.

"Hold up. Y'all hear that?

My heart Just skipped a beat.

And, baby, I don't even Have a heart murmur."

Kevin: oh, yeah! Curtis: that's good.

C.J.: that was better, huh? Malik: all right, I got one.

All right.

Let me drop The shoulder like that.

Curtis: always.

Malik: let me step Into it, right?

Kevin: the pinky.

Malik: yeah, I got To get the pinky.

Let me rest it real quick.

All right.

[ laughs ]

[ high-pitched laugh ]

Now, I may not have

A lot of money, you see?

[ laughs ]

But if you Get to know me...

[ laughs ]

You'll see I'm sweet as honey.

A-buzz buzz.

[ laughs ] A-bzzz.

[ laughs ]

Kevin: yeah, um... C.J.: okay.

Yeah, you killed it With that.

Malik: that was tight Right there.

A-bzz.

Curtis: okay. Okay.

You got the right idea.

Malik: oh, okay. Okay.

Well, thank you, Uncle curtis.

Thank you, cousin calvin.

We gonna go ahead And go, kevin.

Let's go.

Thank y'all again. Thank you.

C.J.: did he say "Buzz buzz"?

Curtis: "Buzz buzz"?

Jazmine: oh-- oh, no.

Uh, ree ree?

Ree ree, where are you?

Ree ree?

Malik: what are you doing?

And who is this ree ree?

Jazmine: [ laughs ]

I'm not doing nothing, Just chilling.

Malik: oh, okay.

Aha! You didsteal That rat!

I'm telling!

Kevin: that's my cue.

I get in enough trouble On my own.

See you.

Jazmine: ugh!

Man!

[ sighs ]

Ree ree's not a rat.

She's a hamster.

Malik: she's a rodent.

That's a rat, jazmine.

Jazmine: well, right now She's missing.

Malik: you lost her In the house?

You really gonna Get it now.

Jazmine: no, I'm not,

Because you're gonna Help me look for her,

And if you don't,

Then I'm gonna tell dad

That you have a crush On ms. Jamieson

And that you broke His favorite cd

Playing frisbee!

Malik: how do you know that?

Jazmine: child, I know everything.

Malik: jazmine, You better not tell.

Jazmine: no, You better not tell.

Malik: all right.

Don't ask. Jazmine: don't tell.

Both: deal.

[ chuckles ]

You're doing this All wrong.

You got to get Your story straight.

Jazmine: what are you talking About, cousin calvin?

C.J.: hey, that innocent face Won't work with me.

I taught you that.

Malik: come on, jaz. Let's go look on the patio.

C.J.: for a small fee, Your secret is safe with me.

Malik: cousin calvin, You know about the hamster?

Jazmine: shh!

C.J.: I do now.

Jazmine: malik, Sometimes I wonder

Which one of us Is the oldest.

Malik: come on, Cousin calvin.

You gonna Charge little kids?

C.J.: aw, you're right.

That's wrong.

Malik: mm-hmm.

C.J.: give me All your candy then.

Come on.

She was the one That was talking...

Curtis: what are you doing? What are you two doing?

Ella: we're talking. Curtis: what you talking about?

What you talking about? My cake?

You trying To get to my cake?

Ella: curtis-- Curtis: I know your m.O.

Don't be laughing. It ain't funny.

Calvin, you been Nibbling on my cake.

C.J.: pops, why would I Nibble on your cake?

Curtis: make sure You ain't been.

Aah!

Ella: what?

Curtis: there's a rat In here.

Ella: a rat? Where?

Curtis, wait! Hit it!

Curtis: there it is! C.J.: ohh! Ohh!

There it is! There it is! There--

No, it's over here.

Curtis: go get the broom!

C.J.: I'm not putting My feet down.

Curtis: where'd it go? Where'd it go? Where'd it go?

C.J.: pops, it's over there. It's over there.

Ella: curtis, get it! Curtis: where?

I can't see it! I can't see it!

Jazmine: what's wrong?

Ella: there's a rat in here.

Malik: aah! A rat!

Jazmine: it's ree ree, You moron.

C.J.: I didn't know It was that big.

Curtis: you knew about it?

C.J.: I plead the fifth.

Here, y'all can have Y'all candy back.

It's in the room.

Curtis: there it is!

Jazmine: no! No, don't!

Malik: no!

Curtis: I got it! I got it!

I got it! I got it!

Jazmine: no!

Don't kill it.

She's the hamster I saved from school.

C.J.: don't--

No, no, no.

Jazmine: she doesn't Like it there.

People are always Poking her

And staring at her.

She's shy.

Ella: calvin, get down Off this table.

C.J.: do it bite? Ella: boy.

Okay, jazmine, you lied.

You lied to me And to ms. Jamieson.

Jazmine: I'm sorry.

Curtis: "Sorry's" Not good enough.

Malik: told you. Curtis: you hush up.

And you get on before You get in trouble.

C.J.: yeah, big dog, And I'll go with you.

Not 'cause I'm scared Or anything-- excuse me--

But I just want to.

Curtis: ooh, there goes Another one right there!

Calvin: aah!

Ella: jazmine, now, You know it's wrong to lie.

Jazmine: even when dad lies To the bill collectors?

Curtis: she got you On that one, ella.

These kids is quick.

Ella: curtis. Curtis: what?

Ella: get out of here And let me talk to her.

Jazmine-- cur-- cur--

Curtis. Curtis.

The rat been Eating on that.

Jazmine, now, you know Even if you think

You have a good reason, It's wrong to lie.

It's like The boy who cried wolf.

Jazmine: do you mean when There really was a wolf

When nobody believed him?

Ella: exactly, baby.

So when you tell a lie,

Then you have To tell another lie

To cover the lie That you told at first,

And then another lie Comes after that lie.

And then you have Four more lies

That have lined up Behind the first lie

That you first told After this one.

Jazmine: I am Seriously confused right now.

Ella: okay. Well, I'm gonna tell the truth.

You're seriously gonna Get your butt whooped

The next time you lie.

Malik: oh, hey, Ms. Jamieson.

Nicole: hello, malik. Is your father here?

Malik: no, he's still Out of town.

But come on in. Come on in.

Ella: ms. Jamieson, uh, I owe you an apology.

Nicole: apology accepted.

And this is unacceptable.

Ella: I know it is, But believe me--

We have Taken care of it.

Nicole: okay. I can't believe

Malik thought that Bribing me with flowers

And candy and perfume Would get me to believe

That jazmine didn't Steal the hamster.

Ella: excuse me?

This is my perfume.

Malik, you stealing, too?

Nicole: and the love notes--

The love notes Need to stop.

Ella: love notes?

Curtis! Get out here!

"To ms. Jamieson--

You're a brick house.

Ow.

I love you.

Big daddy payne."

You know anything About this love note?

Curtis: huh?

Not them lines.

The lines I wrote Were better than that.

Where'd you get that from?

I thought you was writing it

For a young chick,

Not an old lady.

Well, I mean, you know...

He's too young for you.

Unless you just Into that kind of thing.

Hey!

Ella: curtis.

Ms. Jamieson, I am sorry.

I thought you were here

About jazmine Stealing the hamster.

Nicole: so she did take it?

Curtis: you didn't know? Nicole: no.

Curtis: jazmine!

Come out here now!

And bring that rat with you!

Come on.

Nicole: thank you, jazmine.

Ella: jazmine, Don't you have

Something to say To ms. Jamieson?

Jazmine: yes.

Your hair looks Really nice like that.

Curtis: jazmine.

Jazmine: okay. [ sighs ]

It was wrong for me To do what I did,

And I am really sorry.

Nicole: you understand that

A lot of people Were concerned

Because hammie Was missing?

We have pets In the classroom

So that everyone Can observe and enjoy them.

You understand That, right?

Jazmine: yes, ma'am.

And I won't do it again.

Nicole: okay, good. Ella: good.

Now go and do your chores.

Nicole: okay.

Well, thank you For all your help.

Ella: thank you.

Nicole: and as for you, Young man,

I'm very, very flattered By your gifts,

But as Your assistant principal,

I can't accept them.

You do understand That, right?

Malik: uh, can you Quit your job?

Nicole: [ chuckles ]

That is very cute, But no, I cannot.

But you know, You are so smart

And creative, malik.

You should Use that energy

And put it towards Your schoolwork.

Night, malik. Good night, Mr. And mrs. Payne.

Ella: good night, Ms. Jamieson. Thank you.

Curtis: night, ms. Jamie...

...Son.

Nicole: good night.

Curtis: whoo, boy!

I know what you mean!

I can't blame you. I can't blame you.

She's beautiful.

But she's too old For you, man.

You're too young for her.

Don't make The same mistakes I made.

I'm too young for your aunt.

She can't handle it.

You got to live With that forever.

Malik: well, uncle curtis,

Age ain't nothing But a number.

But I think She still liked me.

She said I was smart.

Curtis: that ain't always A good thing.

Women don't always go For the smart guys.

Ella: yeah, You got that right.

And you got To live with it

For the rest of your life.

Huh?

Curtis: ooh, I'm glad You picked up these cookies.

And they're my favorite--

Oatmeal raisin.

Ella: curtis, I didn't buy Oatmeal raisin.

Curtis, Those not some raisins!

Damn!