Original subtitles

[ doorbell rings ]

Calvin: [ chuckles ]

It's about to go down.

Pooky: yo, shorty, What it is!

Calvin: pooky, what up?

"P" to the nut.

[ laughs ] What's up, man?

Pooky: damn, cal, Y'all done came up, huh?

Your pops win the lotto Or something?

Calvin: no. Peanut: did he rob a bank?

Calvin: no, of course not.

Pooky: your pops Is chopping cars, cal.

Put us on. Calvin: no, no.

You know my father's The fire chief.

Pooky: y'all balling Like this just from

Putting out Some fires?

Peanut: hey, so he get paid By the fire?

'cause, look, If that's the case,

Look, me and pook can Start us a fire,

And then he can just go ahead And break us off the top,

And everybody eatin'.

Calvin: no. Starting a fire is arson.

Peanut: man, come on-- Pooky: who?

Calvin: arson.

Peanut: let me get This lamp, though.

Pooky: hey, "P", Put that down.

Put it down. Put the lamp down.

Take that picture frame Right there.

Looks more expensive. Calvin: yo!

Would y'all please stop Trying to jack my parents?

Look, come on, We got to finalize

These plans For our club.

Now, my entire family Is out of town for the weekend.

Peanut: where'd they go? Calvin: florida.

Pooky: florida? What's down there?

Calvin: oh, they went to visit My cousin's grandparents.

Pooky: hold up, I thought y'all said

Y'all wasn't cool with them Like that.

Calvin: we made up. So, anyway, look--

Peanut: hey, so it's hot

Or it's cold In florida right now?

Calvin: it's hot.

Pooky: yo, well, can we go?

Look, me and "P", We ain't never really

Been out The a-t-l before.

Calvin: no! No! Will you shut up?

Pooky: hey, yo, yo, cal.

It ain't even got to be All like that, shorty.

Know what I'm talkin' about? I love you like a brother,

But don't ever tell me To shut up.

Yo, "P", tell little buddy What happened

Last time Grandma told me to shut up.

Peanut: man, look, It wasn't nothing nice, man.

Grandma Lost her wheelchair.

She can't be on The usher board no more.

Calvin: look, will you guys Just relax?

Please, please.

Now, where's the money For the food and the alcohol?

Peanut: I got you...

As soon as I sell That vase.

Pooky: don't even look at me. I told you, I'm broke.

All three of my baby mamas Looking for me right now.

Calvin: that's why We're having a party.

To make money, remember?

Ten at the door, Five for the drinks,

And 7 for the wings And the fries.

Pooky: no, no, no.

It's 20 at the door, A'ight?

What we gonna do is,

We're gonna put in A pole right there.

We gonna take All the tips that we make,

And we gonna split it With the strippers.

Split it With the strippers.

Peanut: yo, yo, and I know Just who to call. It's set.

Calvin: there's no strippers.

Pooky: what? Peanut: hold on, man.

I ain't trying To sit around talking

To women With their clothes on.

I ain't coming if there ain't No strippers, man.

Pooky: "P", You already here. Sit down.

Peanut: [ grumbles ]

Calvin: no strippers.

Peanut: you tripping About the price?

Calvin: yeah, y'all gonn-- Peanut: I got some low-budget

Strippers, man. Don't worry about that.

Pooky: bullet holes And everything,

But they tight.

Calvin: they cute? Pooky: nah, they not cute.

They low-budget. That's the point.

Keenan: 20 seconds left.

D. Wright passes To lisa les-- oh!

Lisa leslie dribbles past Cheryl miller.

Bart: hey, man, I am shaq!

Keenan: shaq doesn't wear A sports bra.

Bart: this isn't A sports bra.

It's a tank top That shrunk.

It's a shrank top.

Keenan: whatever.

Lisa fakes to the left,

Then to the right.

She jumps, and--

Bart: rejected!

Angel: ow!

Bart: oh, baby, angel, I'm so sorry.

Did you hurt your noggin?

Calvin: y'all playing ball Without me?

You know what? Just for that...

[ imitating curtis ] Get back to work!

You heard me?

Angel: speaking of work, Where's your uniform?

Calvin: oh, about that.

Look, I got a lot Of studying to do.

I can't come in today.

Keenan: yeah, but with chief And c.J. Out of town,

We're a little Short-staffed.

We need you, man.

Calvin: for what?

There's hardly Ever a fire.

Bart: what about Mrs. Johnson's cat?

Calvin: bart, you can Handle that.

Keenan: what if we have An actual emergency?

Calvin: I'll be right Across the street.

Look, just call me On my cell,

And I'll come Right over.

Angel: I don't know, Calvin.

Calvin: come on, please.

Don't you want me To finish college?

Keenan: yeah, and I also want Bart to realize

He's lactose-intolerant, But that's not gonna happen.

Bart: I just Love ice cream.

Keenan: bart, you just Love food.

Calvin: come on, please, Please, please.

Keenan: all right, all right, All right, all right, all right!

Just stop whining.

I deal with that enough At home.

Angel: [ laughs ]

All right, calvin.

I know how important This is to you,

And god knows we all want you To graduate from college,

So just this once, go.

And we'll call you On your cell if we need you.

Calvin: yes! Yes!

Angel: don't make it A habit, little boy.

Calvin: I won't.

All right, y'all, Be freezy.

[ cell phone rings ]

Hello?

Bart: just checking.

Calvin: these are My daytime minutes.

Thank you.

Appreciate you.

Ha ha!

Man, we are stacking Mad chips.

Pooky: hey, shorty, I told you

A brother knew A something-something

About advertising And promotions.

Calvin: well, this brother Is real thankful.

We are making A killing, man.

Hey, look, watch the door While I go to the bathroom.

Pooky: yes, sir.

Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo!

No corny dudes allowed.

Joel: excuse me? Pooky: you heard me.

I said step off.

There's a church a few blocks Up the street.

Joel: I'm a friend Of calvin's. He invited me.

Pooky: well, since I'm part Owner of this here club,

I'm uninviting you.

Plus, if the ladies see you Looking like this,

They gonna think This is a library.

Joel: look, where's calvin? Pooky: look, come here.

Calvin is indisposed Right now.

[ laughs ] You didn't think

I could talk Like that, huh?

Joel: whatever, man. Excuse me.

Pooky: hey, did you just Touch me?

Oh, no. Peanut!

Peanut: problem?

Pooky: yeah, there's A problem.

This dude just touched me.

Peanut: ew, he touched you?

Pooky: he ain't touch me, But he touched me.

Peanut: you touch My brother?

Joel: no, my hand-- Peanut: hold on, man.

Did you touch my brother? Joel: no, I--

Pooky: school him, "P". Peanut: look, man, you can't

Go around Touching my brother.

You see me running around here Touching your brother?

Joel: my brother's not here!

Peanut: and if Your brother was here,

You think we'd Be touching him?

How about I touch you And your whole family?

Pooky: you got a sister?

Calvin: joel, What's up, man?

Joel: these guys wouldn't Let me in the party.

Pooky: cal, hold on. You know this dude?

Calvin: we go to school Together.

Peanut: I can't stand No college dude.

Calvin: hello? I'm a college dude.

Peanut: bro, come on, Come on.

Everybody know you don't be Going to class, man.

Pooky: look, joe, we gonna Let you in this time.

Joel: it's not "Joe". It's "Joel" with an "L".

Pooky: all right, Joel with an "L".

My name is pooky With a record,

So stay the hell Away from me.

Calvin: ooh.

Casey, look at you Looking all delicious.

Pooky: yes, ma'am. How you doing?

She's free. Pooky: she's free?

That's what I'm talking about.

A fine, voluptuous, Freaky female at no cost?

Calvin: yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, Yo, watch yourself, man.

I mean, she gets in free.

And don't be calling Casey no freak, man.

She's a very nice, Wholesome college girl.

She doesn't even drink.

[ crowd chanting "Go" ]

[ cheering ]

Peanut: body shots On casey!

[ chanting continues ]

Keenan: calvin was right.

We never have a fire.

I never been so bored In my life.

Bart: I have.

You know, one time I was so bored,

I glued my eyelids To my eyebrows

Just to keep My eyes open.

Keenan: that wasn't boredom. That was stupidity.

Bart: oh, no. No, No, no, no.

Stupidity was pouring Nail-polish remover

All over my face to try And unstick my eyelids.

Whew, that stung!

I was blind for two weeks.

Keenan: and dumb Your entire life.

Bart: I thought We were friends, keenan.

Keenan: we are. I mean it with love.

Bart: okay.

You want to blow bubbles With me?

Keenan: no, that's childish.

Bart: well, how about If we blow bubbles...

At angel?

Keenan: [ chuckling ] Oh.

Now we're on.

Angel: do it and die.

Loudspeaker: Engine company 5,

There is a restaurant On fire at--

Angel: bart, go get calvin.

I'll meet you in the truck In three minutes.

Bart: I'm on it.

Angel: I bet you $20 He gets lost

Going across the street.

Keenan: oh, come on, angel. Give him credit.

Bart: guys, Is the chief's house

The white one Or the blue one?

Keenan: bart, give angel $20 for me.

Angel: come on, let's go. Keenan: let's roll.

Bart: but is it the white one Or the blue one?

Joel: we are the mighty, Mighty oak.

And we ain't no joke.

And we can't be swayed.

And we cant be broken.

And we get down-- ha!

And we get down-- ha!

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

[ cheers and applause ]

Peanut: man, what the hell Is a oak?

Calvin: omega alpha kappa.

It's the name Of their fraternity.

Peanut: paternity? I ain't get nobody pregnant.

Calvin: fraternity! Pooky: look, cal.

All you college dudes Is corny, for real.

Calvin: fraternities Aren't corny, man.

They're about brotherhood.

Pooky: brotherhood?

Me and "P", we're brothers From the hood,

And we got Our own little cheer.

Calvin: oh, a cheer? Y'all got a cheer?

Pooky: yeah. Calvin: okay.

Pooky: peep this, y'all.

♪ we are thugs ♪

Peanut: ♪ we are thugs ♪

Pooky: ♪ ghetto thugs ♪

Peanut: ♪ ghetto thugs ♪

Pooky: ♪ don't come To the hood ♪

Peanut: ♪ come to the hood ♪

Pooky: ♪ or you will Get mugged ♪

Peanut: ♪ you will Get mugged ♪

Pooky: ♪ and if you snitch ♪

Peanut: ♪ if you snitch ♪

Pooky: ♪ you won't get far ♪

Peanut: ♪ you won't get far ♪

Pooky: that's what it is. Peanut: I'm talking about!

Pooky: all day!

Peanut: y'all ain't gonna Cheer for that?

Pooky: we said cheer!

[ scattered clapping ]

Bart: calvin, calvin!

Uh-- ooh.

Hey, hey, hey!

Calvin: he's not a cop.

What are you doing here?

Bart: we have an emergency.

Calvin: yeah, I thought I told you

To call me On my cell phone.

Bart: at the time, Crossing the street

Seemed like The better idea.

But then I got lost, But-- calvin...

You having a party?

Calvin: no, no. No. No.

[ chuckles nervously ]

Bart: what are all Those people doing there?

Calvin: uh, We're studying.

Bart: yeah, yeah. Why do I hear music playing?

Calvin: it's my Music appreciation class.

Now go back Across the street,

And I'll be right over.

Bart: I can't go Without you.

Pooky: what's going on?

And who's The jolly white giant?

Calvin: pooky, bart. Bart, pooky.

Bart: pooky, my man!

I'll just be Across the street.

Calvin: I got to roll To a fire.

I need you to promise me

You won't let anything happen To my parents' house.

Pooky: cal, it's me, baby.

I got this, all right? Trust me.

Calvin: I'm serious, Pooky.

Pooky: dude, look.

Get out there And save a life.

All right? They need you.

Me and peanut got things On lock here.

Go save a life, dude.

Go help somebody.

Calvin: I'm serious.

Pooky: do the right thing.

Joel: power hour!

[ crowd cheers ]

Pooky: hey, joel. What's power hour?

Joel: that's when we take As many shots as we can

Within an hour.

Pooky: joel with an "L", You all right with me.

You know what I'm saying? Power hour!

[ crowd cheers ]

Calvin: [ chuckles ]

What the-- What the hell?

[ slow-tempo music plays ]

Calvin: I am so dead.

[ whimpers ]

Oh.

Oh.

[ music ends ] Excuse me.

Casey.

Casey!

You can stop dancing now.

There's no music.

Pooky: give me that back, Baby, that's okay.

I'm-a see you later, All right?

Yo, what's--

What's wrong, dog? What's up, man?

Calvin: pooky, pooky, What happened?

Pooky: cal, nothing happened.

All right? What you talking about?

Calvin: my house! What happened

To my parents' house?

Pooky: cal, dog,

This is not a house.

It's a club. Remember that.

And nothing happened To it, man.

Me and "P" was Just getting our club on.

Calvin: no, no, no. Look around.

Look-- look around.

The house is destroyed.

Peanut: man, be easy, man.

This ain't destroyed.

Your parents' bedroom?

Now, that's destroyed.

Calvin: what?

Peanut: for me.

Calvin: oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

My parents' bed Is missing.

Peanut: oh, man, Relax, man.

The bed ain't missing.

It's in the backyard.

Calvin: what the hell?

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Excuse me.

What else-- thank god.

What else did y'all do?

There is gela--

There is gelatin In the bathtub.

Joel: calvin! Man!

You missed it!

I can't even begin To describe what it was like.

Calvin: joel, joel, You did this, too?

Joel: no!

But joe with an "L" did.

[ laughter ]

Calvin: [ sarcastic laughs ]

No, that's it.

Everybody-- you, you, you--

Everybody out!

Oh, oh, I said, "Get out!"

I'll help you.

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Get out. You, too.

Oh, you're cute.

You are cute. Come back.

Pooky: we out of here. Calvin: no, no, no, no.

Get out. Get out.

You, get out.

Y'all are staying. Y'all gonna help me clean up

This house before my parents Get back from florida.

Peanut: aw, man, Ain't y'all

Got a maid Or something, man?

Calvin: no!

Pooky: calvin, I thought y'all

Was balling Up in here.

Y'all got couches And furniture

And windows and stuff.

Calvin: I said the--

Cop: may we speak To the owner

Of this disaster, Please?

Calvin: uh...

He's not in right now,

But I'll be happy To relay a message.

Cop: we got reports Of loud music,

Illegal gambling, Underage drinking,

And operating a club Without a license.

Calvin: did you? I'm sorry, officer.

I have no idea What you're talking about.

Cop: no? Then how Do you explain

The video poker, The alcohol,

And the teenagers We just saw leaving?

Calvin: where'd The video poker come from?

Peanut: I took it From the convenience store.

We weren't making enough At the door.

Cop #2: I think I've heard Enough small talk already.

Cop: you guys are coming Downtown with us.

Calvin: wait, wait, wait.

Pooky: whoa, whoa. Hey! Calvin: officer, whoa.

Watch yourself there.

Uh, please, I have a lot Of cleaning to do,

As you can see. See all...

Uh, can I somehow Take a rain check?

Cop: let me think about it. Uh, no.

Calvin: wait, wait.

Peanut: hold on, man. I'm anemic.

Calvin: you said You didn't want to hear

Any more talking-- What you doing?

Cop: you're coming With us downtown

To answer some questions.

Calvin: my mama Gonna kill me.

Come on.

Please, please close The door.

Don't let nobody in.

[ telephone rings ] Keenan: I got it.

Engine company 5.

Wait, wait, wait, Wait, wait.

Wait, calvin, slow-- Slow down.

You ate peanuts And cookies?

[ laughing ] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

You ate peanuts With your boy pooky.

Bart: keenan, What's going on?

Keenan: it's calvin. He was arrested.

Angel: what?!

Let me talk to him.

Calvin, what happened?

Uh-huh?

Mm-hmm?

Huh. Uh-huh?

And the bail Is how much?

Ha!

Uh-huh?

Well, don't you think you Should have thought about that

Before you lied to us About studying

And went And had a party?

No, no.

[ yelling in spanish ]

No, no. I'm not mad.

I'm not mad! I said I'm not mad! Here!

Bart: ow! What did I do?

Keenan: uh... I think you On your own, bro.

Call your father.

Oh, uh...You right.

I-I would rather Stay locked up, too.

Angel: hang up.

Keenan: no!

I ain't scared of angel.

Angel: hang up.

Keenan: no problem.

Hey, calvin.

You know about The soap, right?

Hey!

Angel: estuúpido.

Calvin: that goes Over there.

Hi.

Discount?

No-- no english?

No?

Come on.

Y'all work here is done.

Thank you, Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks.

[ sighs ] Between the bail money

And paying The cleaning crew,

I'm in the hole...

$600.

Bart: ouch!

That is a lot Of money, calvin.

Calvin: yeah, especially When I don't have it.

Keenan: yeah, but it seems Like it was some party.

Angel: well, I think I got All the trash

Out of the dishwasher.

Bart: why was there trash In the dishwasher?

Calvin: peanut thought If he washed it,

It wouldn't be trash No more.

Keenan: your friends Are idiots, calvin.

You owe us big time. Angel: mm-hmm.

Yeah, you do owe us. If the chief finds out

We helped you, We could even lose our jobs.

Calvin: that's true, But don't worry.

Chief will never Find out.

[ telephone rings ]

Y'all hear that?

It's the phone. Where's the phone?

Angel: here.

Calvin: shh! Shh! Shh!

Hello?

[ laughing ] Oh. Oh, oh.

Hey, pops.

No, no, no, no, no. Everything's fine.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, I been studying This whole weekend.

Pops, I am beat. [ laughs ]

No.

No, no.

No! But--

But...

Forever?

Okay.

Bart: what happened? What'd the chief say, calvin?

Calvin: he said I was adopted...

[ voice breaking ] And I can't stay home

Alone no more...

And all y'all suspended.

Angel: suspended? What do you mean?

How'd the chief find out About the party?

Calvin: he installed A web camera.

[ sobbing ]

Perfect.

Casey. [ laughs ]

You know, the party Ended last night.

What are--

I don't even want to know.

Look.

I'll drive you home.

Casey: [ gagging ]

[ vomits ]