Original subtitles

Jazmine: hi, auntie ella. Is daddy here?

Ella: he's in the kitchen. Jazmine: daddy, daddy!

C.J.: hey, hey. What's all that yelling about?

Jazmine: I'm running for President!

C.J.: oh, thank goodness.

We'll finally have somebody in

The white house That know what they doing.

Jazmine: daddy, be serious.

C.J.: oh, I'm sorry.

What you running for? President of what?

Malik: she's running For president

Of the whole school.

Calvin: uh, lil' bit.

Aren't you a little young To be running

For president Of the whole school?

Jazmine: somebody had to Represent the little people.

Nobody ever listens To third-graders.

Ella: sounds like A little woman on a mission.

Jazmine: and we get To do campaigns,

Give speeches, and we're gonna Have a debate.

C.J.: like a real politician.

Jazmine: mm-hmm. Malik: it's a mock election.

Even if she does win, She won't do anything.

Calvin: duh. Like a real politician.

Curtis: what's this I hear About my niece

Getting into politics?

Jazmine: I'm running For president.

Curtis: be careful, baby.

You know, politics Is a dirty business.

Nothing but backstabbing

And smear campaigns

And personal attacks.

Calvin: lil' bit will be fine.

She's a shark.

Malik: yeah, and don't worry, Uncle curtis.

You know, Since I'm her big brother

And she's my little sister,

I think I might be Her very own

Secret service agent.

C.J.: wow, malik, That's nice,

Looking out for your sister Like that.

I'm proud of you.

Ella: that is sweet.

Malik: plus, the chicks Dig bodyguards.

Curtis: yeah, they do.

Malik: yes, they do.

Curtis: you gonna have A guard dog

Or blind dog with you Or something?

Ella: babe?

Oh, babe, I was thinking--

Curtis: uh-oh. Ella: curtis.

I found out That the "Y" offers

Several classes for couples.

I think we should take one.

Curtis: classes?

Baby, come on, now. I don't take no classes.

I didn't like school The first time I went.

Ella: curtis, Stop being silly.

I think we should take a class,

Baby, because we never Do anything together.

Curtis: ella, what are you Talking about?

We always do stuff together.

We did things together Last night.

Ella: curtis, I know that.

But other than that,

We don't do anything As a couple.

Curtis: what are you Talking about, ella?

We always do stuff together.

We eat together. We sleep together.

We watch tv together.

Shoot, we talking together Right now.

You ask me, we spend Too much time together.

Ella: just look this over

And pick one out, please.

Please, please, please. Curtis: yeah, okay.

C.J.: the kids want you to come And say good night to them.

Curtis: good night!

C.J.: uncle curtis, man.

Ella: don't mind him, I will go

And say good night To the kids.

C.J.: thanks, aunt ella.

Curtis: go ahead, woman.

Look, your aunt wants me

To go take some class With her at the "Y."

So you can help me Pick something out.

Okay, I've already ruled out

Knitting, basket weaving,

Floral arrangements.

You know I ain't doing that.

I don't know, see.

C.J.: what about These art classes?

Curtis: okay, can you catch The theme

Of the stuff I ruled Out, please?

C.J.: uncle c, you're missing The big picture.

It says right here, they got

Live models.

Curtis: boy... I didn't--

I didn't see that.

It's right there.

It's right there in front Of my face, ain't it?

I didn't even see it.

Oh, ha, live models!

Hey, hey, ella! I'm gonna get my picasso on!

Going painting!

Calvin: hey. What you guys doing?

C.J.: sitting here, Talking about uncle c

Taking this art class At the "Y."

Calvin: oh, the one With the live models?

Curtis: yeah. Calvin: that's a good class.

Curtis: you took it? Calvin: no.

I was a... Live model.

Curtis: baby, I don't want to go!

I'm gonna be sick that day!

C.J.: so, why did you Stop modeling?

Calvin: they said they only

Wanted female models.

Curtis: oh, you idiot.

Hey, hey, baby, I'm healed!

I'm healed! We gonna go!

And do some painting.

We're going painting With the live models.

What do I--

Did you drink out my stuff?

Aah!

Ella!

Come get him!

I'm about to kill him!

Jazmine: go on.

Are they still out there?

Malik: no, they gone.

They're gone. Jazmine: okay.

Malik: oh, man! Jazmine: what?

Malik: the braves are losing!

Jazmine: huh?

Malik: earpiece.

C.J.: hey, what's going on?

Whoa, son! Ooh, nice suit.

Where you get that? Malik: oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cousin calvin hooked me up.

C.J.: well, how did he-- Malik: hey,

I didn't ask, And he didn't tell.

Anyway, a couple Of the older kids

Was teasin' tiny tot. Jazmine: yep.

C.J.: tiny tot? Malik: yeah.

That's a code name, dad.

Jazmine: they're just afraid I'll win.

Malik: so I had to take Evasive action.

C.J.: evasive. That's my boy.

Malik: yeah, yeah.

But right now, I'm going to get a snack

Because being a bodyguard Requires a lot of energy.

C.J.: that's right, and you got To make it do what it do, man.

Malik: oh, yeah. Saving lives. Saving lives, baby.

Jazmine: oh, and, daddy...

This is one of my posters.

It's good, huh?

C.J.: uh...

Yeah, it's good.

But, uh, you might Want to think about

Putting a little more pizzazz Into your poster.

Malik!

Malik: yes, dad?

C.J.: I want you to take That picture there

And scan it for me. Malik: sure, sure.

C.J.: I'm gonna need About 100 copies.

Malik: what? C.J.: just do it.

All right, baby girl.

What you're Gonna need is

You're gonna need a motto.

Jazmine: I know what You're talking about.

Like this?

C.J.: not a model,a motto.

It's like a phrase That sums up

What you stand for, like

"There's more to gain...

With jazmine payne."

Jazmine: hmm. Well, uh...

C.J.: and you're gonna need A platform.

Jazmine: oh, I don't need A platform,

Because when I just Make my speech,

I just stand on a chair.

C.J.: no, no, that's not What a platform is.

You're gonna need A lot of help.

You know...

I'll just be Your campaign manager!

Yeah! This will be great!

This will be wonderful, baby!

Yeah! Yeah!

Jazmine: yeah, but, dad...

I don't think parents--

C.J.: don't worry about it.

I would be honored. Don't worry.

I will not get in the way.

Trust me. Everything will be okay.

Malik!

Malik, what are you doing?

You are slacking, son!

You're slacking! You're gonna win, baby.

You are gonna win.

We're gonna make sure That you win.

Malik, what are you doing?

I need more copies-- copies,

Copies, copies, all right?

Come on!

Curtis: I'm not going back.

Ella: oh, yes, you are.

Curtis: oh, no, I'm not!

Ella: curtis... Curtis: what the hell?

Look, I didn't join a class

To draw no doggone Bowls of fruit.

Ella: curtis...

Curtis: if I draw some fruit,

It's gonna be some... Melons.

They said there was gonna be Some live models there.

I want to see the live models.

I want to see 'em!

Ella: that is for The more advanced students.

Curtis: then call me When you get to that!

Malik: excuse me, sir.

Unauthorized personnel Is not allowed in this area.

Curtis: boy, if you don't get Your hands off me--

Malik: sir, use your Indoor voice with me, please.

Use your indoor voice With me.

Curtis: how 'bout I use My indoor foot?

Malik: I'm security Around here.

You don't need to be Disrespecting me!

C.J.: aunt ella, You're just in time

To hear jazmine's speech.

Jazmine!

Ella: okay. C.J.: come on, baby.

We're gonna Work on your speech.

Jazmine: I'm sorry. I have to finish my homework.

C.J.: oh, come on, come on. Just one time, one time.

Just so we can hear How it sounds, okay?

Jazmine: okay.

C.J.: she good. She good.

Jazmine: okay. Well...

"Ask not... What our school Can do for you--"

C.J.: that's it, baby. You got that that.

She got that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Jazmine: okay. Um...

"Ask what you can do For our school."

C.J.: didn't I tell you She got that thing?

She got that thing d-- I'm sorry, baby.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Jazmine: "A vote for payne Is everyone's gain."

C.J.: that's good! That's good, girl!

That is-- phew!

Jazmine: hey, dad...

This sounds fake.

Can I just speak From my heart?

C.J.: no!

You know how good that was?

Ella: c.J.

Would you just speak From your heart, baby?

Jazmine: okay.

Big or small, we all want The same things, don't we?

We all want to feel... Respected.

We all want to be heard. C.J.: no.

Ella: ah! C.J.: no.

C.J.: no. I mean, That was cute,

But mine Was much better.

Look, let me show you something.

Stand up straight, baby,

And when you stand up, I want you

To look-- Just look right there.

Look right Into their eyes,

And you got To speak to them.

Jazmine: you know what?

I can't take this anymore!

Malik, get me A glass of milk.

And heavy on the chocolate.

C.J.: okay. Okay.

We're gonna take five.

We take five.

Ella: okay, c.J., Don't you think

You've taken This election thing

Just a little bit too Seriously?

Curtis: [ chuckles ] Yeah, especially since

The only office You ever ran for

Was in school-- The nurse's office.

Hey, baby, Do you remember when

That-- what was her name? Ella: shelly.

Curtis: shelly ingram... Ella: ingram.

Curtis: ...Beat his butt. [ laughter ]

C.J.: yeah, well, She was a lot bigger.

She was older.

Curtis: yeah, she whooped A mess out of you.

Malik: excuse me.

The candidate Would like to make

A brief statement. C.J.: oh, okay.

Jazmine: effective Immediately,

I am withdrawing From the race.

C.J.: but, baby, no! No, you can't!

Malik: excuse me, sir.

Do you want me to get evasive?

Now, I told you There will be

No more questions.

No more Questions, sir.

Calvin: ooh, nice touch, Big dog.

Malik: thank you. Thank you.

C.J.: he just getting it-- He trying to work

On his job And everything, you know.

Get himself pumped up.

He a little beside himself.

Ella: c.J., this is all Your fault.

C.J.: jazmine, it's daddy.

I'm sorry, baby.

I guess I got A little carried away.

Jazmine: daddy, a little?

You were doing everything!

Calvin: yeah, I'm surprised

You didn't put Yourface on the posters.

C.J.: calvin.

Anyway, I just wanted To help you run

An effective campaign, That's all.

Jazmine: but I have My own ideas.

C.J.: you're right, You're right.

And as Your campaign manager,

It is my job To get you to reconsider.

Please don't drop out Of the race.

Jazmine: okay. Well...

If I come back, You have to promise

To let me run things Myway.

C.J.: I promise. Sure. Whatever you say.

Anything you want to do.

So, what do you want To do first?

Jazmine: I hate to break it To you, dad, but you're fired.

C.J.: what? Jazmine: security.

Malik: you heard her, sir. Step away, sir.

C.J.: baby girl-- Malik: let's go.

C.J.: but that's my daughter.

Malik: that's not my problem.

C.J.: no, that's My little girl.

Calvin: so, jazmine.

I hear you have A new position opening.

How much does it pay?

Jazmine: [ clears throat ]

Malik: I'll handle him.

Let's go. You, too.

You, too. Yes.

Calvin: jazmine. Malik: don't you-- get out!

Ella: stop. Curtis: [ laughs ]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold up. How you gonna Be mad at me?

You be mad at me 'cause the teacher

Said I was excelling?

Ella: curtis, you didn't even Want to go to the class

Until little miss model Dropped all her clothes

And then all of a sudden,

You get interested In the class.

Curtis: I'm very interested.

Hey, c.J., uh, The teacher said

I have a natural feel For the human form.

[ laughs ]

Oh, good-- y'all got The campaign over with.

Great.

Now I can have My living room back.

C.J.: well, I talked jazmine Back into running.

She changed her, uh, Campaign strategy.

Curtis: well, I like This new campaign.

Everything's back In its place,

Where it belongs.

Baby, grab me a soda

While you go In there, please.

Ella: no.

I need to go and practice

On drawing my fruit.

Curtis: draw some melons

For me.

Jazmine: uncle curtis, Will you please

Help me practice-- Curtis: shh! Shh!

It's tv time, baby. Too loud.

Jazmine: but... Can you help Me practice for my debate?

Curtis: okay.

Okay. I'll help you.

You say you need help. Jazmine: okay.

Curtis: I say you don't. Debate's over.

C.J.: jazmine, I could help you.

Never mind. Never mind.

I'll just go help Aunt ella draw some fruit.

Jazmine: [ sighs ]

Curtis: okay, look, Can you...

Uncle got to watch tv.

Jazmine: but, please?

I reallyneed your help.

Curtis: jazi, jazi, baby, Go get malik to help you.

Jazmine: but I need Someone like you.

Curtis: I wasn't Even thinking.

You need someone With a keen intellect

And superior Persuasive techniques.

Jazmine: yeah!

Of course I don't.

I need someone old.

What? I have to practice

Debating on someone Older than me,

And you're the oldest person In the house.

Curtis: go ask your auntie.

She babysitted moses.

Jazmine: okay. Well,

I'll just tell her What you said

And I'll ask her.

Curtis: come here.

Little snitch.

Come here. Come here.

If you're gonna Be president,

The first thing You got to learn

Is to know When somebody's joking.

Now... What--

The second thing You got to know

Is you can't be sitting up On your debater.

Arm's length, baby-- Arm's length.

You might be looking At my notes, trying to cheat.

Okay. Where you want To start?

Jazmine: you stand Behind that one,

And I'll stand Behind this one.

Curtis: okay. Who'll ask the questions?

Jazmine: oh, don't worry. I got it covered.

Curtis: okay.

Jazmine: three... Two... One.

Calvin: what up?

Curtis: oh, hell, no!

Calvin: oh, that Is two points

Off for bad language.

Curtis: shut up. Why him?

Jazmine: because he was The only one available.

Curtis: don't you have class Today or something?

Calvin: this ismy class.

See, I'm getting extra credit For poli science.

Plus, little bit Paid me $5.

Curtis: aha! Then you can't be impartial.

Calvin: well, if you pay me $5, too, then I can.

Curtis: get away from me.

Jazmine: okay.

Before uncle curtis Kills somebody...

Cousin calvin, You sit right here.

Curtis: nuh-uh. He can't sit there.

That's my chair.

Calvin: that's another Two points off

For being possessive.

Jazmine: uncle curtis, You are gonna pretend

To be myron patterson. Curtis: I'm myron.

Jazmine: he's in The sixth grade,

And he's really mean.

Curtis: [ grunts ]

Calvin: well, that should be Easy for you.

Curtis: shut up.

Calvin: see?

Jazmine: okay.

Well, here you go, Cousin calvin.

Calvin: thanks, little bit. Jazmine: mm-hmm.

Calvin: ah, let's see, here.

First question For jazmine payne.

Jazmine: okay. Calvin: miss payne,

Where do you stand On the issue of giving

Kindergartners The right to vote?

Jazmine: well, that's An excellent question.

I believe all students Have rights.

So everybody should be Allowed to vote,

Not just the big kids.

Calvin: myron, do you wish To rebut?

Nobody want a bunch Of nose-pickin', doll-havin',

Cartoon-watchin' Bed wetters voting.

Calvin: myron, any more Outbursts and I'm gonna

Have to disqualify you From this debate.

Curtis: what are you Talking about?

She said he was mean. I'm playing my part.

Jazmine: that's okay, Cousin calvin.

I have a rebuttal.

Curtis: watch your language, Girl.

Calvin: miss payne, You have the floor.

Jazmine: okay.

Okay. Well, myron's answer

Demonstrates My point perfectly.

Just because you're bigger Doesn't make you right.

You know, things Like name-calling

Only shows that You didn't learn

What you were supposed To when you were little.

Calvin: whoo!

2 points for payne.

Curtis: yeah, baby!

Now, you know what?

I'm gonna tell you something.

If you debate Like that tomorrow,

You're gonna kick Myron's rebuttal

All the way Up the hall, baby.

Jazmine: do you really think So, uncle curtis?

Curtis: I know so, baby.

You are smart. Mmm!

Jazmine: thank you. Curtis: now, I concede

This debate To jazmine payne.

You the winner, baby.

[ laughs ]

You are good. That was fun.

Calvin: she was good.

Curtis: now you get out Of my chair.

Calvin: that's another Two points.

Why you always playing, dad?

Curtis: love you.

Ella: just keep still. Just keep still.

C.J.: hey, aunt ella.

You're getting real serious

About this art thing, huh?

Ella: c.J., I need all

The practice I can get.

Curtis: baby, that don't look Nothing like calvin.

Ella: curtis, I thought I was improving.

Curtis: it's not you,baby.

Calvin, hold your hand out.

Not like you a greek god. Put your hand out.

Like you're begging, With the look.

Now, thatlook like calvin.

Draw that.

Jazmine: aunt ella, Uncle curtis, where are you?

C.J.: we're in here, sweetie.

Jazmine: I won! I won!

I was voted president!

Ella: yeah!

Curtis: we got a president In the family!

Malik: oh, um, The president-elect

Would like your presence In the living room.

Curtis: come on, y'all. Come on.

Jazmine: come on, Cousin calvin.

Ella: that little president.

Calvin: what's wrong, Big dog?

Malik: man, I didn't get One girl's number.

Man, being a bodyguard stinks.

Curtis: come on. Jazmine: [ clears throat ]

First, I want to say That I am very excited

About being elected President.

Ella: yeah!

Curtis: president In the house!

Jazmine: and I want to thank My aunt, my uncle,

My brother/bodyguard, And cousin calvin.

C.J.: [ clears throat ]

Sorry.

Jazmine: and all The little people

Who have made me Who I am--

Kellie, stacey, jenee,

Chris, teri...

Ella: don't worry.

She has not forgotten you.

Curtis: don't hold Your breath.

Jazmine: ...Lamont, brandon,

Joe, michelle, Tyler, anita.

Oh, wait. I'm forgetting someone.

C.J.: yeah.

Jazmine: [ gasps ] Shontell!

[ laughs ]

How could I have Ever forgotten shontell?

Thank you, shontell. C.J.: thank you, shontell.

Jazmine: she was the best. Leave the best for last.

Curtis: [ laughs ] That's great.

C.J.: shontell ain't Do nothing.

Jazmine: she helped me A whole lot.

Curtis: yes, she did, And I don't even know her.

Curtis: wait right there! Right there!

Giddy up! Giddy up.

Giddy up, giddy up, Giddy up, giddy up.

Ooh, I wish I was bowlegged.

[ laughs ] Bye, c.J.

I hope I didn't disturb you.

[ metal clanking ]

Whoo!

Had to get my toolbelt.

Your aunt gonna paint me As a cowboy...

With a toolbelt.

Start gettin' a giddy up.

Right there.

You ever seen A cowboy do that?

Whoo! C.J.: bill pickett.

Curtis: bill pickett? C.J.: bill pickett.

Curtis: you don't know Nothing about bill pickett.

C.J.: bill pickett. [ grunts ]