Original subtitles

Curtis: come on, baby, come

On, the kids are gone, and I'm

Ready!

Ella: curtis, I'll be out

Shortly.

I'm brushing my teeth, ooh, with

My new cinnamon -- ha, ha --

Toothpaste.

Curtis: that's my cinnamon

Bun.

Bam!

There it is right there --

Ambience.

Girl, if you don't come on, I'm

Gonna break that door down!

Ella: curtis, I'm coming.

Let me finish my hair.

Curtis: okay, you don't worry

About your hair.

Messy is the new sexy.

Ella: ready or not, here I

Come.

Curtis: oh, ho!

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Whoo-hoo!

Ella: since c.J. And those

Kids moved in here, we have not

Been alone in a while.

Curtis: ella, why you got to

Mention their names?

You're gonna spoil the mood.

It's been more than a while.

It's been one week, five days,

Three hours, 24 minutes, and 17,

18, 19...20 seconds.

But who's counting?

Ella: ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Mama has got a surprise for you.

Curtis: okay.

If you don't stop teasing me...

Ooh.

Ella: curtis.

Curtis: what?

Ella: hit the light.

Curtis: [ muttering ]

[ both laugh ]

Ella: turn it off.

Curtis: I'ma turn it off.

Ella: okay.

Curtis: ooh, you know I love

That sugar, baby.

Girl, you better get ready.

Are you ready for takeoff?

5...4...3...2...

Ella: [ chuckles ]

Curtis: 2...

Ella: 2...

Curtis: 2...

Ella: curtis?

Curtis: houston, we have a

Problem!

Ella: curtis...

Curtis: what?

Ella: I don't know what to

Do.

This has never, ever happened to

Us before.

Wait.

Do you think he's still

Attracted to me?

Claretha: oh, ella, stop,

Now.

There are two things that curtis

Will always be attracted to --

You and pork chops.

And not necessarily in that

Order.

Ella: stop laughing.

It's not funny.

Claretha: I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just that curtis always

Tries to be so tough.

Ella: I know.

Can you imagine?

Claretha: no, and I don't

Want to.

Ella: wait a minute.

Do you think he still loves me?

Claretha: don't even go

There, ella.

Now, look, curtis is probably

Just stressed from c.J. And the

Kids.

Ella: what should I do?

Claretha: well, I read in a

Magazine the other day that if

You want to spice up your love

Life, you should wear some sexy,

Animal-print lingerie.

Then try role-playing.

[ purrs ]

Ella: uh, no, no, I don't

Think that's gonna work.

That sounds like a bit much.

Claretha: not if you want to

Save your marriage.

And where curtis is concerned,

You might want to try something

That he might like.

Ella: okay. Okay.

Claretha: and I got just the

Thing.

First, put a little barbecue

Sauce behind your ears.

Ella: claretha --

Claretha: second, tie a

String of rib tips around your

Neck.

Then rub yourself all over with

Peach cobbler.

Ella: you gonna have ants all

Over me.

But, look, at least I won't have

To cook dinner.

[ both laugh ]

Claretha: oh, I got to go.

Ella: wait, wait, wait, wait.

Listen.

Claretha, don't tell anybody

About this, okay?

Claretha: oh, you know me.

My lips are sealed.

Ella: see you.

She gonna tell everybody.

Bill: payne, you're sure you

Have enough food there?

Curtis: bill, you know I eat

When I'm stressed.

Bill: and when you're happy.

Keenan: and sad.

Calvin: and grumpy.

C.J.: and sleepy.

Bart: and dopey and sneezy --

Curtis: shut up!

Leave me alone!

I got a lot on my mind.

Bill: yeah, what's up with

You?

Curtis: nothing.

And that's the problem.

I had a flat tire last night.

Calvin: you should've called

Me, pops.

I would've came over and fixed

It...For $20.

Bill: did you call aaa?

Curtis: look, I'm not talking

About that, bill, I'm not

Talking about that.

I mean...

There's not enough pressure in

The fire hose.

Bart: oh, no, chief, that

Hose has really good pressure.

It's solid.

Bill: maybe your hose is just

Old.

Get yourself a new one.

Curtis: that's not what I'm

Talking about, bill.

You got to listen to me, man,

Listen.

Read between the lines, okay?

My extinguisher is broke.

Keenan: I just refilled all

Of those extinguishers.

What are you talking about?

Bill: what is it with all

This broken equipment?

Curtis: it ain't working,

Bill!

Bill: oh.

Calvin: oh.

Keenan: oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

C.J.: oh, man, that's messed

Up.

Keenan: oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Bart...

You don't get it?

Bart: I got the extinguisher

And the hose, but...No.

Both: o-o-o-oh!

Bart: oh, yeah, I...

No, I still don't get it.

Bill: anyway, this is common

For men around 50.

Calvin: I just hope it ain't

Hereditary.

Bill: payne, are you under

Any extra stress?

C.J.: no, my current address

Is --

Curtis: yeah -- that!

Right there.

Bill, if I don't satisfy ella,

She might leave me, man.

Bart: oh. Oh! Oh!

Now I get it!

Oh, chief.

Chief, you can't salute.

[ imitates bugle playing

"Taps" ]

Keenan: his flag flies at

Half-mast.

[ humming stops ]

Bill: ella is not gonna leave

You.

Just try to relax and get some

Rest and work out a little.

Curtis: I do work out--

I walk to work every day.

Calvin: pops, you live across

The street.

And even then, you drive.

Curtis: I wish I could drive

You out of my life!

Bill: yeah it's definitely

Stress, you know.

And I know just the person to

Help you with this.

Curtis: who? Who?

Bill: your old friend walter.

All: ohh!

Bill: I hear he also does

Stress management.

Curtis: hell, no!

Bill: well, he helped you

With your anger, remember?

Curtis: and I'm still angry

About that!

Bill: look, I'm just gonna

Have him drop by here, and...

Don't stress over it, okay?

You'll thank me later.

I've got to get out of here.

Curtis: bill. Bill!

Bill: my wife has got to have

Her face waxed.

Curtis: don't do it, bill.

Don't do it.

Don't do it to me.

Keenan: I know what can help.

Get a little wine, some

Candlelight, scatter some rose

Petals on the bed, and serenade

Her.

Both: * whoo, whoo, whoo *

* whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo *

Curtis: whoa, whoa, whoa,

Whoa, whoa!

Calvin: I got it.

Duh.

Just lose some weight.

Then maybe she'll find you sexy

Again.

Curtis: that's a good idea.

Hey, I could kill you and lose

160 pounds right now.

Come on, ella!

Curtis ready to get his groove

Back!

Ella: ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya!

Curtis: ella!

Ella: I am your tiger.

[ purrs ]

And you are my prey.

Yi, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi!

Curtis: stop. Uh-uh. No, no.

Ella: gi, gi, gi, gi, gi, gi!

Curtis: no, stop it.

Ella, stop it.

Stop it!

That's not sexy.

Th-th-th-that's scary.

Ella: curtis...

Curtis: ooh!

Ella: curtis. Curtis!

Curtis: what?

Ella: curtis, what are you

Doing?

Curtis: I'm scattering

Leaves.

Do you know rose petals are too

Damn high?

So I got these out of the

Backyard.

Work with me.

Ella: curtis, who--

Curtis: be quiet.

Ella: wait a minute.

Curtis: * ella, ella, ella *

* I'm your fella, fella, fella *

* and I love the hell out you *

Ella: ah-choo!

Curtis: bless you.

* ella, ella, ella *

* I'm your fella, fella, fella *

Ella: curtis, that's enough.

That's enough.

What are you doing?

Curtis: trying to set the

Mood.

Ella: who told you to do

This?

Curtis: [ sighs ]

The guys.

Who told you to dress up like

Tarzana?

Ella: claretha.

Curtis: I don't know why I'm

Not surprised.

Wait a minute!

You--

You told claretha?!

Ella: wait, cur--

Curtis, calm down.

Curtis: that wig-wearing

Wildebeest!

Now everybody gonna know my

Business, ella, and how I'm not

Handling my business.

Ella: curtis, she said she

Was not gonna tell anybody.

Curtis: claretha can't keep a

Secret if it comes in a roll-on!

Ella: oh, curtis, look at us.

What are we doing?

We're consulting other people

About what to do?

Curtis: hmm.

We know what works for us, don't

We?

Ella: yeah.

Curtis: hey.

Have I told you how sexy you

Are?

Mmm.

And you smell so good.

Ella: [ chuckles ]

That's my cobbler cologne.

Curtis: [ laughs ]

Do you know you're my lioness?

Ella: are we getting ready to

Go for a rumble in the jungle?

Curtis: yeah!

'cause I'm gonna make you roar!

Ella: [ laughs ]

Curtis: [ roars ]

Ella: okay, curtis, hit the

Light, hit the light.

Curtis: [ laughs ]

Ella: ooh, whoo!

Whew!

Okay.

[ chuckling ]

[ overlapping chatter ]

Ella: [ chuckling ]

Curtis: ohh! Ow! Ow!

The safari is over!

Ella: curtis...

Curtis: we need more than a

Roar to get this party started.

Ella: curtis, I think this is

Poison ivy!

Curtis: baby, just don't

Leave me.

Don't leave me.

Please don't leave me!

Ella: curtis...

Curtis: please, please don't

Leave!

Ella: curtis, here.

I am not going to leave you.

We're gonna work through this

Together, okay?

Curtis: I couldn't ask for a

Better wife.

Ella: okay, now, be honest

With me.

Curtis: hmm.

Ella: so, are you still

Attracted to me?

Curtis: oh, yeah, baby.

Just being in a room with you

Lifts my spirits up.

Ella: well, honey, it's not

Your spirit we want lifted.

Curtis: ella, I'm happy, and

I know it.

I just can't show it.

Ella: okay, curtis, what if

We see a doctor?

Curtis: no.

I ain't going to no doctor.

Ella: [ sighs ]

Curtis: it's bad enough bill

Got that sweet pea coming by to

Help me de-stress.

Ella: who -- walter?

Curtis: yeah.

Ella: the anger-management

Guy?

Curtis: I got to go over to

The station for a class today.

Ella: honey, walter would be

Great.

Curtis: but I'm telling you

Now, if he asks me to do

One-on-one, I'm gonna choke the

Sugar out of him.

Curtis: did walter show up

Yet?

Calvin: not yet.

Curtis: good, tell him I had

An appointment, and I'll

Reschedule.

Walter: oh, I am so sorry

That I'm late, guys. Oh!

I had a little trouble getting

My scooter started this morning.

And I understand someone else is

Having trouble getting their

Scooter started.

[ laughter ]

Don't you worry, chief.

We're gonna have you up and

Running in no time.

Hi, fellas.

All: hey, walter.

Walter: okay, chief, go ahead

And have a seat.

All right?

Now, everyone, gather in close.

We need to get in close so we

Can support the chief.

Come on, c.J.

Curtis: walter, do we have to

Do this with everybody here?

Walter: yes, chief.

These are your friends.

I am your friend.

We are all friends, and friends

Don't let friends get shrunk.

[ laughter ]

Curtis: I don't want any

Friends.

Walter: okay.

Our first technique is called

Guided meditation.

We are looking to release our

Inner chakras.

Curtis: our what?

Walter: our chakras, chief.

You know, here, here, and here.

Bart: ooh, chief, I always

Wanted to try that, but I never

Had a guide.

Everyone, close your eyes.

Feel it.

And repeat after me.

* ooh...Wok, wok! *

All: * ooh...Wok-wok! *

Curtis: this is wack-wack!

Walter: someone is not

Cooperating, chief.

Come on, now.

You've got to trust me.

Everyone, let's try it once

More.

All together.

Calvin: remix!

Keenan: [ beat boxing ]

Bart: * ooh... *

Calvin: * wok-wok! *

Curtis: * whoa, whoa, whoa,

Whoa, whoa! *

* whoa, whoa, whoa, wack-wack! *

Walter: okay, stop!

Curtis: * wa-wa-wack,

Wok-wok, wack! *

Walter: hello?

Stop.

Keenan: * doh *

Calvin: that was hot.

C.J.: that was hot, man.

Walter: listen, guys, we are

Trying to release our chakras,

Not our chaka khans.

This is not working.

Let's try a different technique.

Let's move on, okay, ooh!

Everyone, on your feet.

Come on, up, up, up.

Up, up, up.

You're spring daisies.

Curtis: come on, guys.

Beautiful. Yes. Wonderful.

Chief, you stay right here.

You stay right here.

And, everyone, build a

Semicircle around the chief.

C.J.: now, what is this --

Ring-around-the-rosy?

Bart: looks more like

Duck, duck, goose.

Curtis: walter, this is

Actually stressing me out more.

Walter: that's okay, chief.

Sometimes you must go up to come

Down -- or in your case,

Down to come up.

Bart: [ laughs ]

Walter: trust me, trust me.

Chief, in order to de-stress,

You must trust your environment.

This is your semicircle of

Trust, all right?

I want you to fall

Into the circle.

Curtis: fall?

Hell, no!

Walter: come on, chief.

Do it. Come on.

For ella.

Curtis: all right. Fine.

Walter: when I count to

Three, I just want you to fall.

Fall, chief, like a--

Like a leaf.

A really big leaf that

Might still be attached

To the tree. Just fall.

One... Two... Trust, three!

Curtis: * ahh... *

[ laughs ]

That was nice!

I like it.

Wasn't that great?

Curtis: I like that.

Yes!

Curtis: gonna do it again.

Walter: okay. Good.

Let's. Let's. Here we go.

Curtis: do it one more time.

All right. Ready?

Curtis: right, here we go.

One... Two...

[ telephone rings ]

Three!

Curtis: * ahh... *

Walter: everyone, stand back.

Give him some air.

Are you okay, chief?

I think I'm gonna have to give

Him mouth-to-mouth.

Curtis: I'm all right.

I'm all right.

I'm all right.

It'll go away.

I think I broke my chakras,

Though.

Keenan: [ beat boxing ]

Curtis: * do, do, do, do *

* do, do, do, do, do *

* I broke my chakras *

* do, do, do, chakras *

* ow! *

* hee! *

* chakras! *

* chak-a-chakras! *

Curtis: ella!

Aah!

Walter: I am not giving up on

You, chief payne.

I'm not a quitter.

Curtis: well, I am!

Ella: okay. What's going on?

Walter: well, if it isn't my

Favorite peach.

Ella: and my favorite plum.

Both: * sea of love *

Curtis: whatever!

Walter: oh, ella, your

Husband can be such a silly

Sourpuss sometimes, and I'm just

Trying to bring him back to

Happier times.

Ella: it won't hurt

To listen to walter.

Curtis: it did at the

Firehouse.

Walter: ella, I just --

I really want to give you guys

Some one-on-one guidance.

Please let me.

Ella: come on.

Curtis: if I do,

Will you leave?

Walter: absolutely.

Curtis: fine.

Let's get this over with.

Walter: oh, goody!

Okay, okay, okay.

Chief, on your feet.

Come on, stand up, and I want

You to turn back to back.

Curtis: this is ridiculous.

Walter: okay.

Close your eyes.

We are going on a journey

Of spirit, body, and mind,

A journey of love.

Curtis, what was the first thing

You remember seeing ella wear

When you saw her first?

Curtis: mm...Hmm!

Okay, uh,

It was off the shoulder,

Yellow, form-fitting,

Silky summer dress

With a split that would make

A brother lose his religion.

Ella: no, it wasn't.

I had on a red, two-piece,

Gaucho set.

Curtis: oops.

Walter: where were you?

Ella: at the church picnic.

Walter: okay. Okay.

Well, ella, what is the first

Thing you remember thinking

When you saw curtis?

Ella: [ laughs ]

I thought,

"The nerve of that man,

"Over there talking to

Anita johnson,"

Who had on the off-the-shoulder,

Yellow, low-cut, form-fitting,

Silky summer dress

With the split.

And after she shot him down,

Then he comes over to me

With his six-pack.

Walter: oh, my goodness.

You were ripped?

Curtis: no, no, I had

A six-pack of beer.

Walter: at a church picnic?

Curtis: it was hot.

But I was ripped after I drunk

That beer, wasn't I?

You remember I hit your pastor

In the face?

We got in that fight? Okay.

Walter: now, we're there.

We're right there.

You're in that moment.

Now turn to each other,

Open your eyes,

And hold hands.

Are you feeling that

First moment, ella?

Ella: I do.

Walter: curtis?

Curtis: yeah, I'm feeling it.

I'm feeling it, ella!

Ella: whoo-hoo-hoo!

Curtis: there's pressure

In the valve!

Ella: whoo-hoo-hoo!

Curtis: boy, you're good.

You're good. Hey. Okay.

Come on. Let's go.

It's time for fireman

And helpless woman.

Ella: oh, okay!

Curtis: get ready!

Ella: rescue me!

Rescue me!

Curtis: here I come.

Got to put my bikini on.

The water is cold.

Okay. Show yourself out.

Hey, baby, here I come!

Walter: my job here is done.

This house is clean.

Ella: * I got my baby back *

* I got my baby back *

Curtis: * and I'm so glad *

* to be back with you *

* the way we used to be *

* and I'm so glad to be *

* back in the house with you *

* the way we gonna be *

[ knock on door ]

Ella: curtis.

Curtis: who is it?

That better not be calvin

Or c.J. Who is it?!

Walter: it's walter.

Are you decent?

Curtis: what are you doing

Here, I thought you left.

Walter: my scooter wouldn't

Start, can I get a ride?

Do you need a few more minutes

To...

Curtis: how long have you

Been out there?

Oh, I was out there the

Whole time -- 2 minutes

And 17 seconds.

Walter: yeah, not only do

I do stress management

And anger management,

But I also do endurance

Training.

Ella: curtis.

Curtis: get out!

Walter: I'm sorry, but --

Way to go, I'm proud of you.

Ella: curtis, sign up.

Today! Sign up!

Walter! Walter!

Put us down! Walter!

**