Original subtitles

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Hoss.

Hoss, sun's up.

It's too early for anything to be up, much less the sun.

We gotta get moving, buddy. We got a long way to ride.

Yeah.

Hey, you're right. Sun is up.

Well, what'll it be? Hot beans and bacon or just jerky and hardtack?

Yeah.

All right, hot beans and bacon it is.

You gotta whistle?

I don't gotta but I like to. I'm pretty good at it, too.

More than one way to prod a mule.

If there's anything I can't hardly put up with,

is a fella that wakes up in a happy mood.

My coffee that bad?

- No. Look at that. - What?

I ain't never seen nothing looking like that

without three or four belts of booze.

I didn't know there was a lake out there.

Lake? There's no water within miles of here.

There may be no water, but that's for sure a boat.

♪ Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily...

♪ Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a dream

♪ Row, row, row...

Gently down what stream?

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a dream

♪ Row, row, row your boat

♪ Life is but a dream

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪

Life is but a dream.

That's all it is, gentlemen, a dream.

Yeah, it feels like one, don't it?

Yeah, sure does.

But a beautiful one on a morning like this.

Donald Q. Hought's the name. Don Q. for short.

That's my daughter, Abigail.

Abby for short.

Yeah. Hoss Cartwright here.

Canaday's mine. Candy for short.

A pleasure to meet you, gentlemen.

You're just, uh... You're just out rowing, huh?

Yes. Fine exercise for the biceps and the chest muscles.

Good for the waistline, too.

Yeah, I imagine, but seems it'd be a mighty better if you did it in water.

True. But as there's no water, I have to make do with what is available.

- And you chose grass? - There's no law against it, is there?

No, no, not that I know of.

I wouldn't want to drift off course.

Drift? Oh...

Of course not.

- Do you think there should be one? - Huh?

A law against rowing in the grass?

No, no, no.

If there was one, it'd be a dang foolish law, wouldn't it? I think.

Well, not all the laws are sensible, Mr. Cartwright, but if there was one,

a foolish one, I mean, I assure you I should not break it.

Pa believes in the law.

He upholds it, abides by it, he lives by it.

Unless...

Perhaps we're trespassing.

I hear the Cartwrights own a lot of property around here.

Is this Cartwright land?

Can't be, Pa. I checked the charts real good. This is government land, isn't it?

Well, yes, but...

See, we lease the grazing rights, though.

Oh. Are we infringing on those rights?

Well, no, I reckon not.

I can't figure how one horse and a boat's gonna do much eating!

Well, in that case, we'll up anchor and be on our way.

Oh, wait a minute. Wait, wait. Just one question.

What's this all about?

Well, at my age...

in fact, at any age, a man should do what he feels like doing

when he feels like doing it.

After all, none of us know how many tomorrows we have ahead of us, do we?

- You ready, Abby? - Right, Pa.

♪ Row, row, row your boat

- ♪ Gently down the stream - ♪ Row, row, row your boat

- ♪ Gently down the stream - ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

♪ Life is but a dream... ♪

I thought you two would be halfway to Elko by now.

Yeah, well, we would have, Pa, but...

Something came up.

Well, what would that be?

Well, you know that piece of government range, down south of Widow's Peak?

Naturally. That's where I plan to graze those 200 head of steers

that you're supposed to be picking up.

Well, you see, Pa, we ran into this man out there...

Joseph, will you quit that?

Uh-huh.

You met this man. What about him?

Yeah...

You see, this man... Well, he was a nice man, a nice little man.

He had a big stovepipe hat and fancy clothes, he was dressed real well.

Fine. You met a well-dressed man. I'm very happy.

Now, what has that got to do with you being here

instead of on your way to Elko?

Well, see, Pa, I... You ain't gonna believe this,

but this fella we met out there, he was...

Candy, tell him what he was doing. Go on.

He was, uh...

rowing in... in the grass.

This man was... rowing?

- Candy, he wasn't exactly rowing. - Why...?

He was rowing a boat in the grass, is what he was doing.

He had a horse in front of it.

The danged boat had wheels on it and he had a horse in front

and there was this girl sitting on the horse, see?

Hey. Hey, this girl, was she about five-six, light-brown hair,

wears it kind of long, nice smile, a little mole behind her earlobe?

You know them, do you?

- Well, he sure knows her all right. - I don't know about the mole.

Yeah, yeah. Right behind the left earlobe.

Yeah, well, we didn't get that close.

She's be Abby Hought. That'd be her father, Don Q. Hought.

Don Q. Hought? I don't believe it.

No, that's a fact, Pa. He told us his name. That's him.

Yeah, I met them about three years ago down in the Arizona territory.

I was delivering those horses to the army remount depot.

Yeah. Were they as nutty as a tree full of squirrels then?

Well, I'd say they were kind of unusual, yeah. But nutty, I don't know.

At least you couldn't convince the Arizona Pacific Railroad of that.

- What'd he have to do with them? - I'm not too sure.

I never did get the whole story from him, but what the people say,

he made the railroad sit up and beg.

And this same fellow is rowing a boat across a pasture

that we got the grazing rights leased to?

Couldn't you find out why?

- Yeah. - Well, he told us.

Yeah. He, uh...

He said that he, uh...

He wanted to row a boat, so he rowed it.

He said a fellow ought to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it.

Leastwise, that's what he said.

Well, I'll tell you what I want to do. I want to meet this man right now.

- Want us to go with you? - No.

You just continue on to Elko and get those steers.

Joe, you know them. Let's go and meet this Don Q. Hought.

That's the man's name.

I tell ya, the sight of him rowing that boat out across that pasture

would make a teetotaler order a...

A double whiskey, bartender, please.

- Mr. Keylot? - Quickly.

But Mr. Keylot, you don't drink.

I do now. Pour, please.

When cold sober, I see a man in a high hat rowing a boat on wheels

through a field of grass, then I think it's high time that I started drinking.

- High hat, rowing a boat. - Sure do sound crazy enough to he him.

Sure does. Where'd you see all this, friend?

South of town, near Widow's Peak.

- Was he a young fella? - Old.

If my horse hadn't had blinders on, he probably would have bolted.

Are you sure about this, Mr. Keylot?

Pour.

How do I drink this?

Like water, friend.

I've been watching it for ten minutes, and I still don't believe it.

Why don't you have yourself another little nip? Maybe they'll go away.

Still there.

Now, you know they can't be real.

I'll find out.

Hey! You real?

I think so.

She talks real!

Well, does she feel real?

I'll find out.

- Well, she sure kicks real. - She sure does.

Oh! My dear sir!

I'm so sorry. I had no idea...

Sorry? I'll give you something to be sorry about!

- I assure you it was an accident. - That's just what you're gonna have.

Let go of him!

- Come on. Take it easy! - Get your hands off me, you...

- Joe Cartwright! - Hi, Abby.

I'll be back in a second.

You boys better take Clay into town.

We... we wasn't meaning no trouble, Mr. Cartwright.

I know that. You never do.

It's that bottle that keeps getting you into trouble.

You're probably right, Mr. Cartwright.

- We're gonna swear off. - Yeah. Take the pledge.

I'll help you, boys.

Do it the easy way, huh?

You're sure a real help, Joe.

- You sure give a man strength. - Anything for a friend.

Now, you better get going.

- Yeah. - Yeah. Going.

Abby, how are you?

Joe, how long has it been?

It's been three years. You look better than ever.

- Hey, Mr. Hought, good to see you. - Delighted to see you, Joseph.

Like the cavalry, you arrived in the nick of time.

Oh, Pa, we could have handled them.

You, perhaps, my dear, but I'm past the age of fisticuffs.

Excuse me, this is my father, Ben Cartwright. This is Abby Hought.

- Hello. - And her father, Mr. Hought.

- An honor, Mr. Cartwright. - Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure.

Hought, Don Q. Hought. A very interesting name.

Actually, Donald Hought. I threw the Q in myself.

It gives it a sort of flair, don't you think?

Yes, yes, definitely.

I take it your big son and his friend mentioned meeting me this morning.

Yes, as a matter of fact, they did.

And piqued your curiosity?

I must say it's a most unusual looking wagon.

Pop and I like things out of the ordinary.

Hm. It's fine exercise. Tones up the muscles. Tears down the waist.

Yes, yes. Nothing but exercise? No other reason?

What other reason should there be, Mr. Cartwright?

Well, of course. None that I can see.

I was just wondering if perhaps there was some reason I couldn't see?

Well, let's just say that it's a little eccentricity of mine.

I like to startle, shake up people.

- Any other questions? - No, no, of course not.

Well, in that case, we'll be on our way.

- More exercise? - Of course.

Tone up the muscles, tear down the waist?

Yes. Abby, are you ready?

Yes, Pa.

- Will I see you again? - Sure. How long you gonna be here?

Oh, few days, a week, a month at the most.

Oh, then, we'll be seeing more of you.

You certainly will, Mr. Cartwright.

- Goodbye, Mr. Cartwright. Goodbye, Joe. - Goodbye. Take care.

Goodbye!

Well, what do you think of them?

Well, very lovely girl.

The gentleman's a very charming and gracious man.

Well, you didn't say anything about nuttier than a squirrel.

Well, that is one thing he's not.

I don't know who he is or what he is or what he's after, but he's not nutty.

Uh... You know, I was just thinking.

They might run into some more trouble, like the drunks, you know.

Well, they might.

It might be kind of neighborly of me if I just kind of rode along with them

and, you know, stayed close to them around camp and so forth.

Just so they wouldn't get in trouble.

- Neighborly? - Yeah, I thought so.

Joseph, I think that would be very nice of you.

- I can do it? - Go ahead.

Thanks, Pa.

It that him?

And his daughter and two other men. Take a look.

They're riding off.

It's Ben Cartwright, the man who owns the Ponderosa.

Are you sure?

Ought to be. I worked for him once, a long time ago.

Oh, that Hought's a smart man.

Cost the Arizona Pacific a fortune.

You can bet that whatever's going on down there

is gonna cost somebody a lot of cash.

Do you think he's after Cartwright and the Ponderosa?

That seems to figure all right.

Ben Cartwright's a tough old bobcat.

He's not about to start giving things away.

Neither was the Arizona Pacific until Don Q. came along.

No, we'll let Don Q. Tangle with the Cartwrights.

Whatever he squeezes out of the Ponderosa, we'll squeeze out of him.

Pay you more than the dollar a day you make as deputy marshal.

Squeezing money from a thief, huh?

Now, that's the kind of work I like. It's almost legal.

- Let me. - Oh.

Are you going to go rowing again tomorrow?

- I don't know. You'll have to ask Pa. - Ask me what?

Oh, whether or not you were going to go rowing again tomorrow.

Oh, no. I've had my fill of... exercise.

- Perhaps you'd like to try. - Thank you, but no.

- He doesn't need any. - No, perhaps he doesn't.

Abby, you get away from that fire.

- Pa, we have to eat. - But not your cooking.

You know, I ascribe the excellent condition of my digestion

to the fact that I avoid Abby's cooking as often as possible.

Pa!

Her mother, God rest her soul...

was a terrible cook!

And that's one talent Abby seems to have inherited from her.

Why don't you, uh... drag her away from here?

I'd be happy to.

And I'll provide a supper fit for...

Well, not necessarily a king, but at least edible.

All right, Pop. It's all yours.

Come on.

You know, he's right. I am a terrible cook!

Well, he seems to know what he's doing.

- Oh, he does, and he... - Then why don't we just let him do it?

Make supper for one. You and I can go into Virginia City.

Three years and you haven't changed a bit!

A little supper and a midnight ride, what's the matter with that?

- Everything! - Like what?

Well, we've got a very busy day tomorrow,

and I'm tired, and Ginger's tired...

Ginger? Who's Ginger?

The horse.

Oh.

I don't know why she should be tired. Your father did all the rowing.

Seriously, what's your father doing rowing around on the grass like that?

Why don't you ask Pa?

Oh, I did, my father did, my brother did, Candy did.

- Abby! - Oh, I'm being summoned.

I'll tell you what, if you're very good...

Mm-hm!

I'll let you do the dishes.

Oh, it seems to me you did the same thing to me in Arizona.

- Mm-hm? - Mm-hm.

Abby? Mr. Hought?

- Good morning, Joe. - Morning.

It's a beautiful day!

It sure is.

How do you like your bacon, raw or burned?

- Oh, you're gonna do the cooking? - Afraid to take a chance?

No, your father didn't scare me a bit. You don't know what bad cooking is

till you've tasted one of my brother Hoss' pancakes.

Unbelievably soggy!

Mm, it smells good.

- Strong? - Mm?

Well, let's just say that if you put some of this in a washtub,

you could float an animal in it.

I usually make it too weak, so this morning I put some extra coffee in it.

Wait till you taste my bacon!

I can't wait. Of course, when you see how bad it makes me feel,

you might decide to go to Virginia City with me.

For a late supper and a moonlight ride?

It's a bit early for that. The sun's barely up.

You start early and stay late. That's the ideal way.

Well, we can't go till Pa gets back. He took Ginger.

- Yeah? Where'd he go? - Virginia City.

- What for? - Oh, he had to see a man.

- Mind me asking who? - The government land agent.

That's kind of funny, isn't it?

Your father rows across some land and he goes in town to see the land agent.

- Why would he do that? - It's his business.

- Just might be my pa's business, too. - Not gonna try my cooking?

I think I'll take your father's advice and avoid it.

Sure I can do it.

But what kind of a fool notion is that, putting wheels on this old scull?

Never you mind. You do it and I'll pay you.

Uh... Mr. Keylot?

Oh, Mr. Cartwright, come in.

I have to tell you, Mr. Cartwright, that I have been drinking.

Yes, well, I didn't know you did, but...

Actually, I should have started a long time ago.

Why?

When a man comes in here and files a claim

to buy two sections, 1,280 acres,

of the finest grazing land in the whole territory

at $1.25 an acre

simply because he has rowed a boat around it,

well, then, I think it's time for all good men to start drinking.

You recorded that claim?

As I am oblig... obligated to do, by law.

What law?

Oh, I'm glad that you asked me that.

Uh... That's subsection D under paragraph two

of subsection capital A

under roman numeral Ill of article 12

of the Federal Swamp and Marsh Act.

And it's a real law.

What are you talking about a Swamp and Marsh Act?

We're talking about good, dry grazing land.

Just a minute, Joe. Just a minute. Read that, uh...

Yeah, uh...

"Furthermore, a man may claim for $1.25 an acre

all of that area which he can row..."

- What do you mean "row"? - Joseph. Go on, Mr. Keylot.

Thank you, Mr. Cartwright.

"which he can row over in a boat from sunup to sundown."

And that is it.

Well, that's silly. You can't row where there isn't any water.

As the gentlemen, Mr. Hought, was in pains to point out,

there is nothing in this section about water.

Well, it'll never hold up in court.

Will it?

Well, if I know lawyers, they'll try to make it hold up.

Well, what's that do to our lease?

I'm afraid that you're going to have to take that up with Mr. Hought.

Joe, do you realize that if this story gets around,

every bum, every thief, every drunk in the territory

will be rowing around over all our prime grazing land.

What can we do to stop them?

Well, we'll just have to stop then somehow.

We'll get an injunction.

We'll have Judge Harper serve an injunction on you.

- Me? - Yes.

Uh... Stopping you from filling any further claims until this law is amended

to include the words "in water."

Oh, that's a splendid idea, Mr. Cartwright.

Now, you'll have to come with us, Mr. Keylot.

Gladly.

Only, I'm afraid that I am, um... not quite able.

- There's your injunction, Ben. - Thank you.

Mr. Keylot, now you have been served.

Well, thank you very much. May I sit down?

Yeah, Mr. Keylot, right over here.

What are you going to do about the claim that's already been filed, Ben?

- Will that stand up in court? - In my court it would.

I'm afraid it would stand up in a court of appeals, too.

So, I guess I'm just going to have to deal with the...

not-so-nutty Don Q. Hought.

Not yet. We'll let Mr. Cartwright finish his business with Mr. Hought.

Then we'll take up our business with Mr. Hought.

You know, I got a feeling they're in for a big surprise!

- Yeah. You think we ought to tell 'em? - No, no. Let 'em go.

They haven't done that much work in a bunch of Sundays.

You're right, you know. The exercise will do them good.

You know, tone up their biceps, trim down their waists!

Here.

It will get cold.

Yes, my dear. Thank you.

There's a grizzly bear standing right behind you.

Yes, dear.

Oh, this is most interesting!

Oh, I beg your pardon. Did you say something?

Nothing important.

This is Oregon homestead law.

Oregon, Pa. Oregon.

Oh, "Oreg-en," "Oreg-on," whatever you like.

"To qualify as a homesteader on the land set aside by law for such purpose,

the person claiming a homestead must dig a well."

Well, I can understand that. It's always nice to have water.

Yes, but supposing the homestead's on the side of a river or a lake?

- Still you have to dig a well. - That does seem rather foolish.

And the law doesn't specify that the well has got to have water in it.

It just says you've got to dig one.

"You must also build a fence, length unspecified,

a house, a cabin with four walls, a door and a roof."

Hm.

Pa, you're thinking again.

There are some most interesting loopholes in the structure of this law.

For instance, it does not say how big the house must be,

nor how long it must stay on the homestead in question.

Well, why should it? If it's built there, it's meant to stay there.

Well, that was the presumption of the man who wrote the law,

but it needn't be true.

Well, why would anybody move it?

If someone settled on the homestead to work the land, they wouldn't.

But if, on the other hand,

they were interested in obtaining legal rights to vast amounts of property

at no cost...

Well, you and your father came up with a real good one this time, didn't you?

- Meaning? - Meaning a real nice swindle.

We've never swindled anyone.

I guess you've been expecting me, Mr. Hought?

Oh, please, not so formal. Don Q.

Yes, I did rather think you would be calling on me.

Yes.

All right. How much?

You're a blunt man, Mr. Cartwright.

No point in beating around the bush.

You know I need the grazing rights to that land.

- Well, I... - How much?

I'm not sure of a value. How much were you paying the government?

$1,200 a year.

- 1,200 a year? - That's right.

Well, I think we could come to terms.

Well, that depends upon what you consider "terms."

You were paying the government $1,200 a year.

Suppose we make an agreement that you pay me, oh, say, 12?

12 what?

Dollars a year.

Dollars?

Frankly, Mr. Cartwright, I had no idea

that you leased the rights of the grazing on this land.

I just knew it was government land.

Well, I... I don't get it.

If you don't want money, then why'd you bother to file a claim?

Satisfaction. Right, Abby?

Right, Pa.

I... I don't understand.

You would, if you'd been a citizen of the United States for only five years

and had spent much of that time, as I have, studying the laws of the land.

Well, I still don't...

- You're still in the dark, eh? - Yes.

Well, I'm afraid that when I put the "Q" in my name, I shaped my character.

"Don Q. Hought."

Yes, of course, but well, you've been successful tilting at windmills.

Hm. Just my small contribution to my new country.

Yes, I've toppled a few windmills,

like this ridiculously written law.

I'm sure the filing of my claim will cause it to be sensibly amended.

Well, as a matter of fact, I've filed an injunction to do just that.

Of course, it won't affect your claim.

Now, uh... how long a lease are you willing to give me?

Would you say perpetuity... forever would be long enough?

$12 a year?

If that is satisfactory, I can draw up a lease now.

Eminently satisfactory.

A swindle?

All right, all right, I'm sorry.

Look, I just don't understand your father, that's all.

- Few people do. - But can you blame them?

I mean, you like riding around the country doing this sort of thing?

You do? Then I don't understand you either.

- I'm an open book! - If you're an open book, my dear,

it's in a language I have not learned to read yet.

Maybe I'm too much his daughter. I like tilting at windmills, too.

There you are, your lease.

Oh, uh...

- Better not forget the $12. - Oh, no.

That's ten.

And two. There you are.

Thank you.

Uh...

- Answer a question? - Gladly.

The Arizona Pacific Railroad.

You heard about that, eh?

Yes, I did. I heard you made 'em sit up and beg.

They're a pretty rough outfit. I've had dealings with them. How'd you do it?

Well, their freight rates were outrageous and they wouldn't lower them.

So, I decided to float stock in a company to build a competing railroad.

I thought they had the only right of way.

They do, but I was going to build my railroad in the Gila River.

- What? In the Gila River? - Yes.

Oh, I had a wonderful plan drawn up.

I was going to divert the river and then lay my tracks in the dry riverbed

which, by law, is public land.

Riparian rights, of course!

Well, could it have been done?

I haven't the faintest idea. I never thought I'd have to try.

You see, when a company is as greedy as the Arizona Pacific,

they become easy to bluff.

So, I bluffed, and they cut their rates in half.

Answer your question?

Yes.

I dislike greed in companies, stupidity in laws, and foolishness in men.

My sentiments exactly.

Been a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Hought.

Oh, Don Q.

Don Q.

Ready, Joe?

Oh, yeah, I'll be right there, Pa.

Now that this is over, can I see you again?

- Just me? Not my father? - Yes, open book, just you.

- I'd like that. - Well, what about tonight?

Fine.

See you tonight.

Well, now, waiting time's over.

Oh, thank you, my dear.

Pa, how long are we gonna be staying here?

Oh, I thought maybe a couple of weeks.

Do you mind if I see Joe?

Mind? I'd be delighted.

- Hello? - Hello, Mr. Hought.

- You know me? - We've met. Arizona.

Walters. Bert Walters! You worked for the Arizona Pacific Railroad.

Still do.

Brought the marshal along to serve a paper on you, a legal one.

Oh? What is it?

The lawyer says it's a lien,

a writ of attachment impounding everything you own.

On what basis was it issued?

Don't ask me. I'm no lawyer, but it's all legal and proper, isn't it, Marshal?

Legal and proper.

The railroad is suing you.

Oh, how flattering.

Well, there's not much to impound, gentlemen, just two horses,

two bedrolls, and a rowboat.

Plus 1,280 acres of prime grazing land.

Oh.

If you're wondering why we know that,

we bought the land agent a couple of drinks this morning.

Yes. I imagine he needed one.

Sure did.

So, you're putting a lien on the land on behalf of the Arizona Pacific Railroad?

We could. There are some other very interesting possibilities.

Such as?

Well, you've got 1,280 acres of good land

that it kind of seems Ben Cartwright wants.

Ben Cartwright's a rich man. He'd pay a lot for them.

Pay enough to split three ways.

And, uh... what happens to the lien?

Well, that's just a piece of paper. It could be torn up.

It's an interesting idea.

- Pa! - What is it, Abby?

Pa, you can't go back on your word to Mr. Cartwright.

There comes a time, Abby, when a man has to think for himself.

- But, Pa, you can't! - Abby, I can.

Forgive me, gentlemen, a little rebellion in the family.

Pa, you're hurting me!

Good!

- I hope they sense it. - What are you up to?

Turning a small profit and teaching two fools a lesson.

- But I... - Do you trust me?

Of course.

The moment I ride out of here with those two men,

ride over to Ben Cartwright and have him meet me in town.

- All right. - Now start crying.

Not another word, Abby!

I'll handle this matter.

I'm sorry, gentlemen.

Now, back to business.

- I have a little proposition for you. - What?

Frankly, I don't want to become involved here or back in Arizona.

I'd like to... pull out with a little profit.

What do you mean "pull out?"

Well, when I filed the claim on that land, I paid $100 filing fee.

So?

When the claim is finally registered and approved,

there'll be another $1,500 to pay.

I'm listening.

Well, as I want to move on, I'll sell my claim right now.

- For how much? - $400.

- Three. - Done!

I'll saddle up, we'll ride into town and transfer the claim immediately.

I'm telling you, Horace,

we rowed this boat over every foot of that land we're claiming.

Mr. Kinross, I don't care if you rowed this boat over the entire territory.

- I cannot accept your claim. - Why not?

Because a court of law has enjoined me from doing so.

- Court? - Law?

- Did what? - Enjoined!

You're too late with your claim.

Well, now, we're always either too early or too late!

I tell you one thing we're not too early or too late for, boy.

- What's that? - That's drinking.

Yeah!

Wait a minute!

What am I gonna do with this boat?

- You want us to tell you? - You can...

Never mind. I'll get rid of it somehow.

I hate boats!

Mr. Keylot.

Oh, Mr. Cartwright.

Oh, now, don't tell me there's any more trouble with that stupid law.

This has been the worst day of my entire life.

No, I was looking for Mr. Hought. Have you seen him around?

Uh, no.

- Oh, yes, I have, yes, I have. - Where is he?

I don't know. And if I never see him again, it'll be too soon.

Abby!

Mr. Cartwright!

- Pa! Is everything all right? - Fine, fine, fine.

Well, what did you want to see me about?

Well, to pass on a little information and to ask for a little help.

Help?

First, the information.

I, uh... sold my claim.

Pa, you didn't?

For $300 cash.

For $300, huh?

Subject to all previous rights, easements, and agreements.

- What's so funny? - Well, what your father sold.

Nothing, right?

Precisely, Mr. Cartwright. I love selling nothing to greedy men.

Wait a minute, I don't get it. What do you mean, he sold nothing?

Well, they've got these two prime sections of grazing land,

but I've got a lease which says I can graze all my stock there forever,

just as long as I pay them $12 a year, right?

Ah! And I didn't tell them that.

In fact, they're coming out to the Ponderosa tomorrow

to sell it to you for as much as they can and...

Well, now, that's where I could use a little help.

If you could, uh... continue negotiations for a couple of days?

- Fixing to move on, are you? - Well, I think it rather advisable.

- Where you heading? - Oregon.

There're some very interesting homesteading laws there,

and I've bought myself a house.

A house?

Well, it's more of a shack.

- We're gonna settle down? - Well, no, not exactly.

Smithy! Will you be ready soon?

Ready now.

- On wheels? - That's my kind of house!

Quite an idea, don't you think?

Abby?

Bye, Joseph!

Bye, Mr. Cartwright.

What he's gonna do with a house on wheels?

I don't know, but I have a feeling Oregon is gonna find out.