Original subtitles

A is equal to B as B is equal to A.

B is equal to C, as... We like it. We like it.

Well, I like it a lot.

Every way in which sex manifests itself,

both real-life sex,

and unreal, imagined, wanted, dreamt,

raved-about and even extolled sex,

it's a voluptuous moment of that infinite source of pleasure

which is eroticism.

TINTO BRASS PRESENTS

Giulia! Giulia.

One, two, three, turn.

One, two, three, turn and twirl. Look.

No, not like that. Keep your shoulders straight.

Keep going...

One, two, three, four, five.

From the start. One, two, three.

That's it for today. You can go. I would like to talk to you two.

Gustavo talked to you. It looked really easy. What did he say?

About the tour in Rome.

- Really? - Yes.

- Stefania will be with us. - Ah, Stefania.

- He didn't say anything? - No, he didn't.

I don't know why he is so strict with me. I don't understand.

I think it's just a way to encourage you. Don't worry.

- I don't know. At about 7 pm. - Were you hot?

- What are you doing tonight? - I can't see you tonight.

- Why? - I am meeting my theatre teacher.

- Is that OK? - OK.

I'll see you another time.

Bye.

I don't know, at about 7 pm...

What are you doing?

Everybody goes to Rome except me. Why?

I don't want to talk about it right now. Bye.

I will go... Wait and see!

I've been watching you for weeks.

- Really? - ln the church.

I often go.

- You never saw me? - No.

- Do you really believe in God? - Of course.

I have to go.

- Hello! - Who are you?

I work with the creatures of the beyond. At Forkheim, not far from here.

My mothe rthinks it's a good job.

It's true that for us who have faith, life is eternal.

Do you know the story of Mary Magdalen?

She washed Christ's feet.

You have beautiful feet. I would like to share this pleasure with you.

- I can't, I have to go. - You shouldn't leave so soon.

The glory of God. Your body is the glory of God.

Your eyes are beautiful. When Mary washes Jesus feet,

it's such a sensual gesture.

Good morning, Mum.

- You never liked Chico, my cat. - Come on, Mum.

Cristina, go to get some nibbles for me and your sister.

Yes, Mother.

I'm going to Rome. Are you happy?

Do you dare to talk about Rome when Chico is not well?

Well, Rome...the memories...

The light on the Caravaggio. The face of Jupiter on the ceilings.

The Etruscan mosaics, Villa Borghese.

Mum, it's a serious thing.

Well, that is if I go. I had a row with the dance teacher.

Matthew, chapter 5, verse 44.

''Love your enemies,

''bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you.''

Tell me about my father and Italy, please.

He was a German Swiss. He was from a village near Zurich.

He carried his gun all the time,

even when he wasn't at work.

He was a Viking god.

- He used to say, ''Grau mit rot...'' - What?

And then, Cristina was born.

Here we are, Mum.

- May I sit down? - Come on, sit down.

Matthew, chapter 15, verse 4.

''Honour thy father and mother,

''and he that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.''

God, Mum, she just wants to sit down!

Stop scaring people with your bullshit... your...

Do you want a ham sandwich, dear?

No, I don't.

I don't understand how you can eat such muck.

You, who always talks about Jesus.

Didn't you know that he never ate animals?

It isn't written anywhere that he ate dead meat.

Are you going to lecture me now?

Come on, Cristina, go get some biscuits.

- It's not worth it. - Do as I say.

I won't have any biscuits.

Listen, Mum, I've decided to become an actress.

You have to teach me lots of things.

You are not strong enough.

''God created man in His own image.''

It's written in the Bible.

We are the most perfect creatures in existence.

He created the animals to nourish us.

He is the truth and the way.

Could you please leave God alone?

What does the truth have to do with your beliefs?

John, chapter 8, verse 32.

''And ye shall know the truth...''

No, I think it's verse 32, chapter 7.

How do you put up with her?

You'll end up like her, you know?

You don't know anything. I should be going to Rome.

I should be going to Rome. Me, me, not you, me!

- My God, Mum. - ''Honour thy father and mother,

''and he that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.''

Don't you see that your beliefs don't correspond to your real life,

- but they have been drummed... - Say goodbye to you sister.

You will be fine, anyway.

The ribbons are my heart.

Grey with red.

The ribbons are my heart...

Your breasts are my regalia.

- Hello. - Hello, Giulia.

- You look beautiful today. Thank you. - You are welcome.

I am glad to finally have you in my house.

- It's a big place. - Yes.

Do you live on your own?

Of course!

Why of course?

If I wasn't on my own I wouldn't asked you to come.

I am here to give it a try.

- I know my lines by heart. - I'm sure.

Memory is not the only thing that matters.

Eyes are important as well.

You are always looking at me.

There is so much to look at.

But you haven't seen anything yet.

I hope you're going to show me everything.

- Show you what? - Who you are.

I am who l am.

So what does that mean...

''Who l am''?

I am here.

- Why don't we rehearse a little, hm? - All right.

Get ready, come on.

Go.

I reject the baptism and the mass...

None of men's acts, from an erotic point of view,

ar more harmful than the descent of Christ over humanity.

Giulia! Christ is the only person who didn't have a body.

But you, you have to prove that you live in a body, in your body.

I know, but it's very difficult.

I don't want to force you, but I can tell you how to do it.

- OK, I'm listening. - Get undressed.

Say your lines and let me feel you have a body.

- Do you think it will work? - Yes, trust me.

To trust you..

Be strong.

- Consider it a challenge. - A challenge?

Yes.

Giulia, get up.

- Are you afraid of challenges? - No.

Show me that you are stronger than that.

Come on, Giulia.

Don't be shy. Come on.

Come on.

I'll be there.

The line.

I reject the baptism and the mass.

None of men's acts, from an erotic point of view,

are more harmful than the descent of Christ over humanity.

Start again. Take off your trousers.

I reject the baptism and the mass.

None of men's acts, from an erotic point of view,

are more harmful than the descent of Christ over humanity.

Keep going.

I reject baptism and mass.

None of men's acts, from an erotic point of view,

are more harmful than the descent of Christ over humanity.

Keep going.

I reject...

Stop. It's too easy.

What do you mean?

- You didn't even listen to me. - Of course I did.

I felt you.

Yes, I felt you...

Did you see how beautiful you were, how strong?

Yes. It makes the audience vulnerable, not me.

You can go further if you want.

I know, but I don't feel like it.

I am a man and you a woman. You don't want to leave now, do you?

Yes, of course. I do what I want and when I want.

lf you are a man, you should know women.

- What are you doing? - A massage.

- Do you want to make love? - Yes.

- It doesn't matter where or when? - No, it doesn't, but mostly now.

No, not now. I'll challenge you.

Meet me tomorrow at 10pm, at 19 rue de la Chapelle.

- Are you leaving? - Yes, I am.

See you tomorrow.

I reject the baptism and the mass...

Come here...

Come!

Why didn't you come yesterday, after the show?

I don't know.

You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you up.

Last night at midnight, Eric phoned.

He said he is going to Rome.

- Eric? - Yes, Eric.

The one from your show.

You mean my Eric?

Why is he going to Rome?

With Gustavo.

What do you mean, with Gustavo?

Didn't you know they were lovers?

Come on, let's go out.

Come.

Hi, how are you?

What a nice cap that you have. It's really nice.

Come on, what's wrong?

I'm just saying that your cap is nice.

Stop it.

- Leave her alone. - Just calm down.

- You calm down. - Give me that.

It's really nice, this cap. Where did you get it?

- Show me your watch. - No, the watch, no.

Show me your bracelet.

Come on, show it to me. Eh, baby, just calm down. Calm down.

- What's the problem? - You're the problem. Just go away.

- Give me that cap? - Go away.

- How nice this watch is. - Leave her alone.

Come on, defend yourself. Give me that.

Hey, slow down. Just calm yourself.

- You, calm yourself. - Stop. Stop.

- Arsehole. - All right. All right. Stop.

Nice place, Paris.

I really miss Rome.

What do you do, little girl,

with that flower, freshly plucked?

What do you do, young girl,

with that flower, that withering flower?

What do you do, beautiful woman,

with that flower which is wilting?

What do you do, old lady,

with that dying flower?

Gustavo is a bastard. He has to pay for it.

He hasn't even told me that I have to go to Rome.

You know that he frequents that disco called Queen,

why don't you go and talk to him?

Why didn't you tell me that they were lovers?

You never asked me.

Anyway, Rome is a really special place. Do you remember?

The parks, the statues, the avenues.

Is it your mobile phone, Eric?

Could you answer it, please?

Hello?

Who wants him?

Hold, please.

- It's for you. - Who is it?

- Giulia. - Ah, Giulia.

Hello? Yes, I am fine, and you?

Yes, I am at Gustavo's.

Yes, you can pop in if you feel like. See you later.

What are you doing?

- Did you invite Giulia here? - Why, is that a problem?

It is a big problem. It's over.

It is not very nice. You should have not invited her.

What do you think I am, a moron?

Idiot.

Come in!

Good morning.

Hello.

- Are you all right? - Yes, thank you.

- So, you are going to Rome, eh? - Yes.

- Why didn't you tell me? - It was a surprise.

- Ah, a surprise. - Yes.

- Nice place. - Thanks.

- It's hot. - Yeah.

- May l? - Sure.

What were you two up to?

Use your imagination.

You are smart enough to understand it.

Understand what?

From A to Z...

I'll leave you two alone.

Come.

Eroticism can also be a splendid litmus paper

which reveals moods, thoughts, emotions and feelings.

It is an expressive and ideological picklock,

a magnifier to discover the most deeply hidden drives of the human soul.

Like in this short movie

where the asexual behaviour of the characters

shows us some tasty truths about the characters themselves.

For example, the narcissism of how one wants to appear

often hides a person's true nature.

In this case, a chavinistic arsehole

becomes frustrated and impotent and his wife cheats on him.

TINTO BRASS presents

A MAGIC MIRROR

STOP SLOWING DOWN

Back!

Is that OK?

Giulia!

Did you go to the locksmith for the new lock?

I went but it was closed.

And the phone connection?

I talked to Telecom, they're coming tomorrow.

Also, the guys for the washing machine. I told them to come at 1 1am.

Shit! I told you to make it 12pm.

They couldn't do it at 12pm.

They can't come here when you want them to.

- It was at 1 1am or in two days and I said... - Yeah, yeah. It's all right.

And what did the carpenter say?

It was closed as well. There was a mad traffic jam this evening.

I'd told you to stop by the shop.

You don't have to necessarily go to the one downstairs.

- You could go yourself. - Try to remember tomorrow.

Do I have to do everything?

Who went shopping and to buy the plants?

Fuck it!

What happened?

Nothing, nothing.

Be careful with those plates. They're from my mother.

Yes!

Why don't you get out of that bath and come and help me?

You've been in there for half an hour.

Since we've got this house I've been doing everything.

Are you getting the door?

- Of course. Who else would get it? - Of course!

- Hi, Walter. - Hi.

- Do you want a hand? - No worries. I'll do it.

- Who is it? - It's Walter with the new mirror.

- I bet he's having a bath. - Good guess!

- What does he need another mirror for? - Oh, Walter!

Come here!

Sit down.

You're always bathing and making yourself ''pretty''. It's an obsession.

I don't deny it. Everyone has an obsession.

I heard you lost yesterday as well.

- Who told you? - I heard it.

People never mind their own business.

Anyway, you deserve it. What did I tell you? Don't listen to that arsehole.

- Let's not talk about it. - You're just a berk.

- I told you... - Stop it. I don't want to talk about it.

Anyway, thank you for the mirror. Giulia can't put it up, though.

What does it have to do with Giulia? It's your job.

If you did it, it'd be as if I was doing it myself anyway.

I don't understand.

You're doing me a favour.

- It's obvious! - Don't talk bullshit or I'll break that mirror.

Where do you want me to put it?

Next to the door.

All right.

How do you manage to live with him?

I've only been here for five minutes and he's made me mad already.

I know what you mean.

- Sometimes he seems a bit dumb. - He's not at all. He's a son of a bitch.

- Don't offend your mother. - Let's not even talk about it.

- Don't make jokes about things like that. - Who's joking?

She's making me go mad.

''Sandro is so good! Sandro said that. Sandro did that.''

What about me? Without me she'd be on the streets. He'd never take her with him.

lt's just that you're too good.

You mean a berk.

You two are so different.

lt's hard to believe you're brothers.

You're telling me.

Close to the door, OK?

Close to the door.

Not too high!

Not too high.

- Not too low either. - Not too low either.

I want to be able to see my whole body.

Remember you're at least four inches shorter than me.

Arsehole. He's a total arsehole.

- He's like that. - He always does what he likes.

My mother dotes on him because he's an actor.

And what an actor he is. ln four years he only did one photo soap opera.

- It's a hard profession. - We all know what his profession is.

- He has an audition on Monday. If... - Again.

Every week there's one.

Hello!

Yes, but I...

I don't give a toss. You should've thought about that beforehand.

You didn't get it, then. You didn't get it. You have to bring me the money.

There's fucking nothing to explain.

Listen to me. Either you bring the money tomorrow or you're in trouble.

Hang up.

Bloody hell.

They all want to have a life of crime.

And then they shit themselves.

Excuse me.

Could you give me a hand?

Of course.

- Giulia, I'm sorry. - Fuck off!

Bloody hell, such a slap!

Instead of staying here doing nothing, go help my brother. Go.

I want to be with you.

Come on, fucking hell! He's doing us a favour.

So? Are you deaf?

Move your arse!

As you like.

The sponge.

So, do you still want a hand?

Look at your face.

Are you insane?

I don't know if it's that stuff you snort or going to the gym that makes you like this.

What are you doing?

I was joking.

- Come on. - Leave me alone.

I was joking. Stop it.

Go and get me the hairdryer.

Where is it?

Where do you think it is? In the kitchen?

If it's not in the bathroom, it must be in the gym bag.

These fucking Sicilians.

That girl doesn't understand that if she wants to stay, she has to work.

She has to work.

It won't be long before I send her back to her village.

One second.

Do you know what she asked me the other day?

She comes to me and says,

''Can I go out with my friend?''

She said it was someone's birthday.

I slapped her hard.

All right. I'm going to dry my hair.

If I don't fix it straight away, I will never manage.

The other day, I had like a horn.

I had to wash it again.

- Who have you had an affair with? - Nobody.

- I never... - Never?

Never.

Never say never.

Well. What is it?

I just wanted to check if you needed anything.

That's a first.

Walter. Sandro is here.

- I can't, Walter. - Why?

Wait for him to leave.

And then we can do everything you want.

- Everything? - Everything, yes.

You picked the wrong brother.

Yes.

So, do you want me?

I've been wanting you for years.

You could have told me before.

You could have told me.

- I'll finish here then I'll give you a hand. - Really?

I don't need it. I've nearly finished.

What's wrong? Are you all right?

What's that face for?

I feel a bit stressed. Maybe I'm a bit tired.

Well, go to bed early and tomorrow you'll feel fine.

- You're so beautiful. - Am I?

ls this how you wanted it?

Perfect. Thank you, little Walter!

lt's OK. It took me less than 20 minutes.

Bloody hell! You're ace. It'd take me 20 minutes to make that drill work.

You should learn.

You reckon? I want to leave these little satisfactions to you.

Do what you like.

You look so pretty! Are you going out?

With friends?

- With a gorgeous chick! - First time to shag her?

- Already shagged her. - Same tactics.

Of course. ''Would you give me a hand?''

You'll stay overnight?

- But you will be late? - I don't know. Are you a detective?

Don't get pissed off.

- I left a bit of mess. Will you clean it up? - Giulia will do it.

Can you show Walter out?

Yes.

For you.

- You're giving me half a million lire? - You've been doing a lot for me.

By the way, can you tell Mum I'll come and see her on Sunday?

She'll be happy. Can you stay with her on Tuesday?

Tuesday? No, I can't.

- Fuck it. For once l ask you a... - I can't, I've got something to do.

Something important. I'll tell you later.

- Bye, Sandro. - See you, Walter.

Are you coming back? I'll wait for you.

You bet!

- The green tie? - With the others.

As soon as you see the car leaving.

While you're waiting.

You're mad.