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1
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[man] I want my treasure chest.
2
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I want my treasure chest.
3
00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,436
I want it and I'm gonna get it.
4
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,274
Where's my treasure chest?
5
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:27,110
Come out. I want my treasure chest.
6
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:28,611
Let me in.
7
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,238
This is where I used to live.
8
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Is anybody in there?
9
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:34,617
I want my treasure chest. I want it!
10
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["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart
In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]
11
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-[woman sighs contentedly]
-Ah, what a perfect day.
12
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-Uh, sweetie?
-Yeah, honey.
13
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:52,052
The horse you're on has a huge penis.
14
00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:53,887
I'd like to get off now.
15
00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:56,097
I'm not having any fun.
16
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,224
[scoffs] Then we wasted our money.
17
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,851
[man] Sound familiar?
18
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:03,480
It's a beautiful fall day,
and you're riding with a loved one,
19
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:07,192
when all of a sudden,
you're made to feel less of a man.
20
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,944
You can't compete with these horse hogs.
21
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:11,738
And now you don't need to.
22
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,782
Here at Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch,
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00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:17,077
we guarantee our horses
have a smaller penis than a human man.
24
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♪ Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch ♪
25
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♪ Where the horses are hung like you ♪
26
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Meet Starry Night here.
27
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At first glance,
he appears to be a normal horse.
28
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But you check his undercarriage,
29
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,758
and he's the same size as you and I.
30
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Is it easy to find a horse
with a short peanut like this?
31
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:37,972
No, it's damn near impossible.
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That's why our ancestors
started breeding out the big penis gene
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in our horses generations ago.
34
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In fact, this year,
we were excited to welcome
35
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our first five-inch horse penis.
36
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Tragically, he passed early this year.
37
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Killed himself.
38
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Yeah, he jumped off a cliff.
39
00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,912
Ha! Is that what they mean
by "hung like a horse"?
40
00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:03,164
-I guess.
-But yours is bigger than that.
41
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,541
-Is it?
-Mm-hm.
42
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,084
Bigger than a horse's?
43
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,377
I like the sound of that.
44
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Thanks, Fenton's.
45
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,756
♪ Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch ♪
46
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♪ Where you're the one that's hung ♪
47
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[funky music playing]
48
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[man] Live from Hollywood, California,
49
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-[cheering and applause]
-it's Dan Vega's Mega Money Quiz!
50
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,356
Hi! I'm Dan Vega.
51
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:29,858
Let's get started.
52
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,734
[applause]
53
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,320
Our contestants, Paul and Colleen,
54
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:37,699
will flip a square
from our Mega Money Board,
55
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,450
and it will show a dollar amount.
56
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:42,495
-But, remember, watch out for the Chunky.
-[chirruping]
57
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:45,707
Chunky eats your points
and he gets very mad.
58
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:49,127
Colleen, you're up first.
Pick a square on the board.
59
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-[applause]
-Second row, four down from the left.
60
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,089
Five hundred dollars.
61
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,465
[cheering and applause]
62
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:57,719
This red condiment
can be put on hamburgers.
63
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:58,845
Ketchup?
64
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,014
Right!
Five hundred dollars on the board for you.
65
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:02,932
-[applause]
-Good job!
66
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,517
Paul, you are up.
67
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,769
Okay, third row, second down.
68
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,271
Okay, let's flip her over.
69
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,481
-It's a Chunky!
-[horn blaring, chirruping]
70
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:13,651
-[hip hop beat playing]
-Uh-oh! You got a Chunky!
71
00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,612
Uh-oh, Chunky's here!
72
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,488
He's gobbling up your points.
73
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,450
[music stops]
74
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,535
[silence]
75
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:25,705
[weakly imitates a scream]
76
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,209
What are you going to do with...
What's the plan?
77
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[uptempo jingle playing]
78
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,545
He's eating your points.
79
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:34,255
[chuckles]
80
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:36,507
All right.
81
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:37,717
Okay.
82
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,052
Ow!
83
00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,554
Stop! Aargh, he's pulling on my shirt!
84
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[contestant struggling]
85
00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:43,640
Off!
86
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:47,185
What the hell are you doing, Chunky?
You can't wreck his shirt.
87
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:50,021
You have to figure out what Chunky does
88
00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:53,983
-before you come out here. Go!
-What the fuck, man? He wrecked my shirt.
89
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,027
Don't swear!
90
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:57,737
Oh, my God!
91
00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:01,032
What game show have you ever seen
that had swearing in it?
92
00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:03,034
[host] Ach, eesh!
93
00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:05,954
All right, Colleen,
you have control of the board.
94
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,331
Um, third row, third one down.
95
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,251
-Three hundred dollars. All right!
-[applause]
96
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:16,506
Melted or cold, from the cow's udders,
over time, it will grow mold.
97
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,132
Is it cheese?
98
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:21,135
-That's right. It is cheese.
-[cheering and applause]
99
00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,096
All right, Paul,
you have control of the board.
100
00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:25,223
Fourth row, four down.
101
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:26,808
-Uh-oh!
-[horn blaring]
102
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:29,185
It's a Chunky!
103
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,313
-[hip hop beat playing]
-[host] Oh, frick. What do you...
104
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:35,441
-What's this? You have a bag?
-What the hell? That's my backpack.
105
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,318
You got his bag.
What are you gonna do with it?
106
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,154
Hey, that's my laptop.
Don't touch that. Put that back.
107
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,489
What are you doing with that?
108
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:42,907
-Hey!
-[host] Don't... Put that--
109
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,325
-No!
-[host] Chunky!
110
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,326
Tell him to stop!
111
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,203
Don't break his laptop. That's expensive.
112
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,289
Thank you.
113
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,083
-No!
-What did I just say?!
114
00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:54,377
Don't break his fricking laptop!
115
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,878
-You got to pay for that.
-I don't.
116
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,256
-[Chunky] I was just trying--
-Well, don't talk!
117
00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,966
You can't talk!
118
00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:02,969
Chunky, the mouth on the...
Don't come over by me!
119
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,554
Stay over there!
120
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,639
Figure out what you do!
121
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,517
-[uptempo jingle playing]
-You had all summer to think of it.
122
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,020
-[jingle stops]
-Okay, Paul,
123
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,480
you just went.
You have control of the board again.
124
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,024
[sighs]
125
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,609
Third down, fourth row.
126
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,987
-That's a Chunky.
-You didn't even turn it over.
127
00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,447
I came up with this game.
128
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,824
I know what all the little things are.
129
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:26,993
Oh, my God.
130
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,495
What is it?
What are you doing with the bag, Chunky?
131
00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,456
-A hat?
-That's my hat.
132
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:32,623
What is that thing?
133
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,792
-You want to put the hat on him?
-[audience member] Yeah!
134
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:37,003
Yeah, okay, let's see what that does.
135
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,671
-[uptempo jingle playing]
-Stop! Stop.
136
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,549
Ow! What... is this?
137
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,762
Fine, I'm wearing my own hat!
138
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,513
[audience booing and hissing]
139
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,515
We haven't been to the board
in a long time.
140
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,726
Yeah, I know Colleen.
This show is gonna suck.
141
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,394
We just got to figure out, like,
142
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,355
what Chunky's deal is. Like--
143
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:58,941
-[Chunky] Well, don't throw away--
-Don't talk!
144
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,944
The mouth on the thing doesn't move!
145
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,364
-It looks fake!
-[end of round jingle playing]
146
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,074
Yeah, that's a good idea. Dump it.
147
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:09,243
♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪
148
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:12,246
♪ Mmm, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪
149
00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:16,209
I'm sorry, guys. It's gonna be another
ten, fifteen if you can hang tight?
150
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,211
[clicks tongue]
151
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,505
Have you guys seen that YouTube video
152
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:23,383
of the dancing lady in the clown mask
who falls off the couch?
153
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,717
-So funny.
-It's so funny.
154
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,136
-So funny. Jessie, you'd love it.
-Let's put it on.
155
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,473
Yeah, it's like the second one down.
156
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,725
[hip hop music playing on video]
157
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,394
[chuckling]
158
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:40,942
I mean, she's, like, unconscious.
159
00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:43,569
Seen the one where the weatherman
accidentally draws a penis?
160
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,154
-No. Pull it up.
-You got to pull it up.
161
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,656
-No, I haven't seen that.
-This one?
162
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,449
The second one. Yeah, right there.
163
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:52,495
And with a cold front moving in
from the northeast, it's going--
164
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:53,454
Shit.
165
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,206
[all laughing]
166
00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:58,042
-He, like, had to have gotten fired.
-Have you seen the one with the kid
167
00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,794
who puts the glow stick
in the microwave?
168
00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:01,212
The dad is so funny.
169
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,423
-So funny, right?
-He's fucking nuts.
170
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:07,468
-Reggie, what's your favorite?
-Uh, I don't know what my favorite is.
171
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:08,636
Well, what's a funny one?
172
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:10,680
Oh, God, there's like...
173
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:15,643
tons I can think of
that just blow me away.
174
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,146
It's fine if you, like, don't have one.
175
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:19,397
I have one.
176
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:21,732
We all have one. I have one.
177
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:25,903
I just can't remember
exactly how you type it in.
178
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,698
Well, I can search for it.
What happens in it?
179
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,700
It's so funny.
180
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:32,785
I just can't remember, like...
181
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,455
how to search for it.
182
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,961
Well, just let us know
when you remember it.
183
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:42,920
I just can't remember.
184
00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:45,298
I can't remember how to search it. What...
185
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,888
Uh, you know what we have to watch?
186
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:55,224
We have to watch the guy
with the newscaster on the roller coaster.
187
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,476
Yes, so funny.
188
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,102
-It's so funny.
-So funny.
189
00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,020
[man] So funny.
190
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:00,605
[Jessie] Pull it up.
191
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,940
-[woman] It's so funny.
-[man] It's so funny.
192
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,068
-[menacing ambient music playing]
-[Jessie] It is so good.
193
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,279
-[woman] So funny.
-[man] Yes.
194
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:09,280
[all laughing]
195
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:10,364
[Jessie] It's so funny.
196
00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:12,408
[man] So funny!
197
00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,953
["Blending Soul" by Soul Blenders playing]
198
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:18,664
Okay, so I talked to Marcus,
199
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,917
and he's gonna take care of catering
for the whole thing.
200
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:22,793
So we're gonna have hors d'oeuvres,
201
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,253
and then mini pizzas,
202
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,215
shared salads,
and, of course, little cupcakes
203
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,300
with baby Debbie's name written on them.
204
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,512
That's perfect.
Christine is gonna love that.
205
00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:34,889
This is gonna be such a nice baby shower!
206
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:38,434
Oh, we should do, like,
a little gift bag for everybody.
207
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,103
-That's a great idea.
-How much do we want to spend?
208
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,356
I think maybe around $200 makes sense.
209
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:47,026
Oh, maybe we could give everybody
little individual bottles of champagne.
210
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,694
Oh, that's a good idea.
211
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,696
People also love those macarons.
212
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:51,864
You know? So good.
213
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,326
Yeah, what about Stanzo brand fedoras?
214
00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:58,454
What?
215
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,667
Stanzo brand fedoras
in each of the gift bags.
216
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,085
Those Stanzos are nice.
217
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:07,004
I mean, I don't know about fedoras
for a baby shower, though.
218
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:07,922
They're nice.
219
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,842
For $200, I could probably get
50 Stanzo brand fedoras.
220
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:13,803
Yeah, I don't think
we're gonna do the fedoras.
221
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,931
You know what's cute that I saw on Etsy?
222
00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:18,599
Little baby-toed flip-flops.
223
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:22,520
-Oh!
-Or what about, like, a little candle?
224
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,063
Oh, that's cool.
225
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:27,024
Or what about
a thousand plastic meatballs?
226
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,485
To put in the gift bags?
227
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,403
Yeah.
228
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,114
They don't go bad or stink or nothing.
229
00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:38,160
For $200, I could probably get
a thousand plastic meatballs.
230
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:40,913
Maybe we should keep thinking.
231
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:42,915
Okay.
232
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,625
Oh, I know.
233
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:47,837
What about, like, one of those
little things with soaps and lotions
234
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,880
-from Bath & Body Works?
-Oh, I like that.
235
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,757
You know what I saw once
I thought was cute?
236
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:52,675
Tommy guns.
237
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,511
My friends aren't gonna buy
the crap from your mob movie.
238
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,887
What mob movie?
239
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,473
-It fell apart 'cause it fucking sucked.
-Goddamn it.
240
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:01,267
-[man] You brought it up.
-[woman] I didn't.
241
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,060
I didn't even know
you still had that stuff.
242
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,562
Where would it be?
243
00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:07,481
Nobody wants a thousand plastic meatballs!
244
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,401
They don't even look real!
They look like little pieces of shit!
245
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,278
[woman] You just said they look real.
246
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,322
[man] To them. I need to unload them.
247
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,531
[woman] These are my friends!
248
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,701
They... They look... They look real.
249
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,703
They don't look like
little pieces of shit.
250
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,663
-We won't do the meatballs.
-You're blowing it.
251
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:23,998
-We're doing the candles.
-Yeah.
252
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:26,334
We're gonna do individual
little bottles of champagne.
253
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,294
And then if we have any money left over--
254
00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:29,837
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.
255
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,464
What are you saying?
256
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:34,383
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.
257
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,843
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.
258
00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,428
How much money did you put in this?
259
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:39,263
I thought it was gonna be a hit!
260
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,474
It turns out it fucking sucks!
261
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:49,315
Maybe we could buy a few fedoras.
262
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:54,820
It's got...
263
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:56,947
I... It's got...
264
00:10:57,031 --> 00:11:00,117
You kinda got to buy 'em in bulk,
otherwise it's not worth it for me.
265
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,495
So we have to buy all 50 of them?
266
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:05,665
It needs to be quality on my end,
otherwise no fucking deal.
267
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,841
Oh, my God, these stink!
268
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:16,842
They're Stanzos.
269
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:18,844
They're nice.
270
00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:23,808
[as mob movie character]
Hey! Who took my cigars?
271
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,438
[slowed] Who took my cigars?
272
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,066
[Tommy gun firing]
273
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,617
[funky music playing]
274
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,085
She said she's gonna be
another 15 minutes.
275
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,379
Okay, so what are we watching?
276
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:54,755
Okay, I just saw this new video.
277
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,340
It's called Wine Stomp Lady.
278
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:57,383
I saw that.
279
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,885
I don't want to wreck it,
but why is she even up there?
280
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:00,803
I have one.
281
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,639
Oh, nice, Reggie. What is it?
282
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,600
Have you guys ever seen Bozo Dubbed Over?
283
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,310
Like Bozo the Clown?
284
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,937
Have you seen it? It's hilarious.
285
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,188
No, let's watch it.
286
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,607
Type in "Bozo Dubbed Over,"
287
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,152
and there's spaces
between each of the words.
288
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,446
Is this it?
289
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:20,573
Yes.
290
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:24,160
It has one view, and it says
it was uploaded at 6:00 a.m. this morning.
291
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,412
Have you seen it? It's hilarious.
292
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,624
[circus music playing on video]
293
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,086
[man] Oh, fuck.
294
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,547
What the fuck?
295
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:39,133
I'm not even supposed to be here.
296
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,552
I hope I don't jack off.
297
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:42,970
What is this, Reggie?
298
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:46,098
I guess it's, like, a viral video
where Bozo dubs over.
299
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:49,393
[man] Oh, fuck, a clownputer?
300
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,563
Fuck that. Probably got no games.
301
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,357
I hope nobody goes home and fucks my mom.
302
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,151
Hilarious, right?
303
00:12:57,234 --> 00:13:00,070
[man] What the fuck's that?
Like a little circle?
304
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,948
Oh, fuck! I thought this guy's
supposed to be bald!
305
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,492
What is this guy trying to do?
306
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,828
Is this supposed to be
what Bozo's thinking or saying?
307
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,664
What guy? It's Bozo. Bozo did it.
308
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,541
Bozo did... what?
309
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:13,959
Bozo did the dub.
310
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,545
He's doing the dub.
311
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,589
Bozo is, not a guy.
312
00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:20,633
[man] Um, okay.
313
00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:23,302
This guy's about to jack off.
314
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:26,639
I feel like it makes more sense
that a different guy is dubbing over it.
315
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:31,268
No, he's saying what he wanted to say
on the show now.
316
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,771
Bozo is. That's Bozo's voice.
317
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,982
[man] This little fucking bike's
a piece of shit.
318
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:42,154
Reggie, did you make this thing last night
so you'd have a video to show?
319
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,240
[pensive ambient music playing]
320
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:47,910
[Reggie] No.
321
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:51,831
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart
In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]
322
00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,291
[man] I thought Mark was doing better.
323
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,545
Well, last night, Mark fell down
and nearly hit his head on the counter.
324
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,297
His drinking has really gotten
out of control.
325
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:01,549
It's hard, I know.
326
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:04,844
But if we're actually his friends,
we have to do this intervention.
327
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:06,387
I can do Friday.
328
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,347
-That works for me.
-We could do it at my house.
329
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:09,598
[door slams]
330
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:10,891
We could do it at my house.
331
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,936
It's the most comfortable, it can
fit everyone. It's the perfect trap.
332
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:16,814
Plus, it's already like a party house,
so he'll want to go there.
333
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,983
Isn't your house kinda far away?
334
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,652
Yeah, but it's like
a complete party house.
335
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,197
And bring snacks
so it feels like a real party.
336
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,366
Dawn - chips, Pat - pop, and...
337
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:30,452
Jake, why not cook something?
Like a hot dip or something.
338
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:31,704
A hot dip?
339
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,455
A hot dip or something.
340
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:34,790
Yeah, bring it to my house.
341
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:36,417
It's settled then. Friday.
342
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,377
Let's bust the fucker. [laughs]
343
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:43,674
[sighs]
344
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:44,758
Come on in.
345
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,969
Watch your step.
There's a lot of stuff around
346
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,679
'cause it's a big party house, so...
347
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,729
Whoa!
348
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,315
-What is this place?
-[homeowner] Take a seat, Mark.
349
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:01,358
Sorry, bud, no partying tonight.
350
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,277
I'm afraid to say
this is your intervention.
351
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:04,778
What the fuck?
352
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:05,738
You're busted, man.
353
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:06,989
No, I mean...
354
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,199
what is happening with your house?
355
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:12,286
-What the hell is all this stuff?
-Yeah, should we do this somewhere else?
356
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:13,329
Sit down.
357
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,998
We're not fucking around here.
Right, guys?
358
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,876
That chair reclines, by the way.
359
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,210
The tongue sticks out.
360
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,259
"Mark...
361
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:28,552
[poignant music playing]
362
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,845
you used to be my best friend.
363
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,597
We were like brothers,
364
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,725
going to the movies together,
traveling, playing sports.
365
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:38,938
To see something be in control of you,
and see you drinking it all away...
366
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:41,482
-[whispers] All Garfield.
-"Do you know how hard that is for me?
367
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:43,150
Brother, I love you,
368
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:45,444
but I can't watch you
do this to yourself anymore.
369
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:47,947
You need help."
370
00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:53,410
Mark...
371
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,289
your drinking has made you
a totally different person.
372
00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,918
You've lost your lust for life.
I'll never forget the day that I told you
373
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:03,671
that I bought Jim Davis' house,
the creator of Garfield.
374
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,215
You just sat there, stared at me...
375
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,425
like I didn't just tell you
I bought Jim Davis' house...
376
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,052
fully furnished!
377
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,805
And I read the e-mail
that you wrote when you were drunk.
378
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:15,849
I saw how you said I spent all my money
on the Jim Davis house.
379
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:18,018
How I wasted all my money
on the Garfield house,
380
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,146
and how it's all I talk about.
But you know what you didn't say?
381
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,816
How it came fully furnished.
382
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:33,826
"Mark, this is the hardest letter
I've ever had to write.
383
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:36,996
When you showed up at my house
at two in the morning,
384
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:38,706
drunk off your ass,
385
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,290
you scared my kids.
386
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:41,875
I'll never forget--"
387
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,752
And I'll never forget
when I woke up at 3 a.m.,
388
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,087
and heard pounding on the door.
389
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:46,964
It was Jim Davis.
390
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,966
He forgot that he didn't
live here anymore.
391
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,968
He came in, he pushed me around.
392
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,053
He goes, "Hey,
where's the Garfield treasure chest?"
393
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,097
I said, "Dude, back off. I don't know.
394
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,682
I didn't touch a goddamn thing."
395
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,434
Meanwhile, where are you?
396
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,688
Drunk little bitch, you make me sick.
397
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:06,567
Guys... I just looked it up.
398
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,153
Jim Davis never owned this house.
399
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:10,904
What the fuck are you talking about?
Who lived here?
400
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,656
A guy who tried to kill Jim Davis.
401
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:16,744
So you're saying I spent, like,
three hours in a Garfield-shaped hot tub
402
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,037
with a murderer?
403
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,330
-[alarm beeping]
-Oh, my God!
404
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,708
It's the guy who tried to kill Jim Davis!
405
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,084
I'm Garfield.
406
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:25,753
What is going on?
407
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,254
[laughs]
408
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,465
[Garfield recording] I hate Mondays.
409
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,008
I hate Mondays.
410
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,760
I hate Mondays.
411
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,803
-[distorted] Garfield!
-I hate Mondays.
412
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,390
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart
In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]
413
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,695
♪ There's a flame, a flame ♪
414
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,865
♪ A big flame in my heart ♪
415
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,575
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
416
00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:02,456
♪ And believe me
When I say it's burning hot ♪
417
00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:04,083
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
418
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:08,003
♪ It's burning for you ♪
419
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:12,841
♪ Even though we are through ♪
420
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:17,930
♪ This big flame, boy, is gonna
Break my heart in two ♪
29700
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