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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
2
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,968
Good morning, Marshal.
Morning.
3
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,267
Could you tell me
where I can find
4
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:14,934
the offices of
your newspaper?
5
00:00:14,968 --> 00:00:16,601
Turn at the first street,
about a half a block down.
6
00:00:16,634 --> 00:00:17,801
You can't miss it.
7
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:19,133
Thank you kindly.
8
00:00:19,167 --> 00:00:20,868
(jeering laughter)
9
00:00:20,901 --> 00:00:22,334
Hey. Can I help you?
10
00:00:24,467 --> 00:00:26,601
Maybe the boy needs a hand.
11
00:00:26,634 --> 00:00:28,501
Oh, the Cartwrights
can take care of themselves.
12
00:00:28,534 --> 00:00:30,434
Sounds like he's
getting the worst of it.
13
00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:32,133
Yeah, sounds like he is.
14
00:00:32,167 --> 00:00:35,000
(jeering laughter)
15
00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:37,868
Looks like somebody in there
is hard to convince.
16
00:00:40,601 --> 00:00:43,767
Say, uh... you are the marshal
here, aren't you?
17
00:00:43,801 --> 00:00:45,067
That's right, stranger.
18
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:47,367
Well, shouldn't you go in
there and break it up?
19
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,400
I reckon not. People in this
town mind their own business.
20
00:00:50,434 --> 00:00:51,501
Get out of the way.
21
00:00:51,534 --> 00:00:53,267
HOSS:
I'm telling you...
22
00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:54,667
No business in that poker game.
23
00:00:54,701 --> 00:00:56,467
Hoss, I told you to
stay out of it!
24
00:00:56,501 --> 00:00:58,601
Listen, Little Joe.
Pa told me to take care of you
25
00:00:58,634 --> 00:00:59,901
and that's exactly
what I aim to do.
26
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,667
Yeah, well, I can
take care of myself.
27
00:01:01,701 --> 00:01:03,634
Little Joe, you get up
on that pony right now
28
00:01:03,667 --> 00:01:05,601
or else I'm just going
to naturally clobber you.
29
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,567
Who's the big fella?
30
00:01:11,601 --> 00:01:14,033
Oh, him? He's
another Cartwright.
31
00:01:20,234 --> 00:01:21,467
I'm new in Virginia City.
32
00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:22,968
So I noticed.
33
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,300
It's quite a town.
34
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,267
Who are the Cartwrights?
35
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:28,701
Oh, I reckon you'll
find that out soon enough.
36
00:01:28,734 --> 00:01:30,467
Haven't asked you
who you are, have I?
37
00:01:30,501 --> 00:01:32,400
No, that's right,
you haven't.
38
00:01:32,434 --> 00:01:34,868
Maybe you shouldn't
ask so many questions.
39
00:01:34,901 --> 00:01:36,567
Like I said, this is
the kind of town
40
00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:38,267
where folks mind
their own business.
41
00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:51,200
(theme song playing)
42
00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:40,968
Whoa. Hey, you!
43
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,033
Hold this horse for me,
my good man!
44
00:02:43,067 --> 00:02:44,200
Yes, sir.
45
00:02:44,234 --> 00:02:46,234
I won't be long, my dear.
46
00:02:54,734 --> 00:02:56,968
Mind telling me whose, uh,
horse I'm holding, ma'am?
47
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,767
Well, you haven't been around
Virginia City very long!
48
00:02:59,801 --> 00:03:01,300
Couple of hours,
that's all.
49
00:03:01,334 --> 00:03:03,701
Judge Jeremy C. Billington.
50
00:03:03,734 --> 00:03:05,400
Oh, is that so?
51
00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:07,367
The "C" stands for Clarence.
52
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,868
Judge Jeremy
Clarence Billington.
53
00:03:09,901 --> 00:03:12,968
Judge Jeremy Clarence
Billington?
54
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,167
He's the judge here
in Virginia City.
55
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,701
Yes, so I've noticed.
56
00:03:17,734 --> 00:03:19,767
I'm his wife.
57
00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:25,234
The judge says I'm a big help
to him in his career.
58
00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:27,868
Oh, I can see that
for myself, ma'am.
59
00:03:27,901 --> 00:03:30,667
"Virginia City Superior Court
Judge's many friends
60
00:03:30,701 --> 00:03:34,968
"in Virginia City
have prevai...
61
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,434
"...have prevailed upon him
to again seek office
62
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,334
in the coming election as
Judge of the Superior Court."
63
00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:42,734
Hmm... Very nice.
64
00:03:42,767 --> 00:03:43,901
There you are,
my good man.
65
00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:45,400
Oh, thank you, sir.
Thank you.
66
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:48,701
Minnie, how many times
have I spoken to you
67
00:03:48,734 --> 00:03:50,601
about talking
to strange men?
68
00:03:50,634 --> 00:03:53,534
Oh, I wasn't
talking to him.
69
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,033
He was talking to me.
70
00:03:56,067 --> 00:03:58,067
(chuckling)
71
00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,634
(clearing throat)
Ya!
72
00:04:15,534 --> 00:04:19,133
If you're... If you're
trying to sell shares
73
00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:21,534
in your diggings, Old
Timer, I'm not interested.
74
00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:22,968
Well, as a matter of fact,
you're looking at
75
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,934
the most unsuccessful prospector
76
00:04:24,968 --> 00:04:27,100
that ever blistered his hands
on a pick handle.
77
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,033
Then what brings you
to a newspaper office?
78
00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:30,634
Your letter
offering me a job.
79
00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:32,634
What's your name, friend?
80
00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:33,968
Sam Clemens.
81
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,801
Sam Clemens!
82
00:04:35,834 --> 00:04:38,701
I figured as long as I was
starving, I might as well do it
83
00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:41,234
sitting on my backside at
a job I know something about.
84
00:04:41,267 --> 00:04:43,067
You didn't strike
it rich, huh?
85
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:44,968
Good looking press.
86
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,601
No. All I did was
prove how little
87
00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:48,467
an Eastern tenderfoot
knows about mining.
88
00:04:48,501 --> 00:04:50,100
Sam, it's good to see you.
89
00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:52,033
And I think you're going
to like Virginia City.
90
00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:54,467
Well, I've been, uh, studying
some of the people.
91
00:04:54,501 --> 00:04:55,834
How often do you publish?
92
00:04:55,868 --> 00:04:57,434
Every day.
93
00:04:57,467 --> 00:04:58,601
Every day?
94
00:04:58,634 --> 00:04:59,767
In a little one-horse town
95
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:01,501
2,000 miles west
of the Mississippi?
96
00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:02,701
Sam, the way we see it,
97
00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:05,467
the Mississippi is 2,000
miles east of Virginia City.
98
00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:07,234
(laughing)
99
00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:09,734
Sam, you're looking
at the only Bible
100
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,834
the miners around here
have any time to read.
101
00:05:11,868 --> 00:05:13,100
And what if they can't read?
102
00:05:13,133 --> 00:05:15,234
Then they get someone
who can read it to them.
103
00:05:15,267 --> 00:05:16,567
I like that.
104
00:05:16,601 --> 00:05:18,167
I think I'm going
to like this town.
105
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,834
It's a city.
Virginia City.
106
00:05:20,868 --> 00:05:23,300
Virginia City...
107
00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:28,100
A noisy, rough lady
with a lot of pride.
108
00:05:28,133 --> 00:05:30,167
I think I'm going to like her.
109
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,767
(mule braying)
110
00:05:36,801 --> 00:05:38,734
Over here!
111
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:52,067
What are you doing here,
old man?
112
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,400
Just eating my supper.
113
00:05:53,434 --> 00:05:54,834
You mean drinking
it, don't you?
114
00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:56,167
You be mighty careful
of that campfire
115
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,167
and as soon as you get through
eating, you clear out of here.
116
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,868
I mean to, mister.
117
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,000
We've got a lot of cattle
here on the Ponderosa.
118
00:06:02,033 --> 00:06:03,734
If that fire got out of
control, we'd be in trouble.
119
00:06:03,767 --> 00:06:05,501
Reckon I know that.
120
00:06:05,534 --> 00:06:07,167
Anyhow,
I'm just passing through.
121
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,434
Well, the next time, you just go
around, you hear? Come on.
122
00:06:15,868 --> 00:06:19,067
High and mighty.
123
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:20,434
Think I ain't got no sense.
124
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:23,300
Telling me to put out a fire.
125
00:06:23,334 --> 00:06:27,300
Them Cartwrights will get their
comeuppance someday.
126
00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:50,100
Must be the spirit of
some Indian come back to earth.
127
00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:51,300
Come on, Mule.
128
00:06:51,334 --> 00:06:53,267
Let's get out of here.
129
00:06:56,868 --> 00:07:00,334
BILL:
Things aren't always just what
they seem in this town, Sam.
130
00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:01,934
I'm learning fast!
131
00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,801
The Cartwrights
like to fight.
132
00:07:03,834 --> 00:07:06,100
Judge Billington's word is law,
133
00:07:06,133 --> 00:07:07,734
and his wife...
134
00:07:07,767 --> 00:07:08,968
Say, where did she
come from, anyway?
135
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,167
She was in the chorus of
a traveling girlie show.
136
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,567
Oh, that figures.
137
00:07:12,601 --> 00:07:15,434
You know, I, uh... I might write
a series of articles
138
00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:17,801
on the colorful
citizens of Virginia City.
139
00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:19,968
Which would land you in
jail, or up on Boot Hill.
140
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,167
Let's get back
to the paper.
141
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,834
Right.
142
00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:28,934
Quite a lot of
characters you got here.
143
00:07:28,968 --> 00:07:30,501
What kind of things
they like to read?
144
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,267
Oh, anything,
as long as you keep it humorous.
145
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:35,300
These men see death and disaster
in the mines every day.
146
00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:37,334
They want to read something
that will make them laugh.
147
00:07:37,367 --> 00:07:38,901
And make them forget
that maybe tomorrow
148
00:07:38,934 --> 00:07:41,100
they'll be dead
or broke or both.
149
00:07:41,133 --> 00:07:42,367
That's right.
150
00:07:51,901 --> 00:07:54,033
Well, it's about time
you fellas got home.
151
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:55,267
What's new
in town?
152
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,968
Dead as
a tomb, Pa.
153
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,200
Yeah. Nothing happening.
154
00:07:58,234 --> 00:08:00,534
Yeah? Hey.
155
00:08:08,868 --> 00:08:10,567
(whinnying)
156
00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:12,400
Bunch of men camped
in High Valley.
157
00:08:12,434 --> 00:08:13,601
What are they
doing there?
158
00:08:13,634 --> 00:08:15,033
I don't know.
Let's find out.
159
00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:16,667
All right.
Come on, let's go.
160
00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:18,634
(whinnying)
161
00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:50,334
All right,
hurry it up.
162
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:57,434
There they come!
163
00:08:57,467 --> 00:08:59,767
Get that stuff
in the wagon quick.
164
00:09:15,501 --> 00:09:17,901
BEN:
Now, what are you men
doing here?
165
00:09:17,934 --> 00:09:19,100
Wait a minute,
Cartwright.
166
00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:20,400
We don't want
any trouble.
167
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:22,901
You're trespassing
on private property, Mister.
168
00:09:22,934 --> 00:09:25,100
Well, you fellows
own so much land
around here,
169
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:27,300
it's kind of hard
to figure where
your property ends
170
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:28,868
and the rest of
the world begins.
171
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,000
Well, if you
have any trouble
figuring it, Mister,
172
00:09:31,033 --> 00:09:32,434
we'll be happy
to oblige you.
173
00:09:32,467 --> 00:09:33,734
Oh, we're pulling out.
174
00:09:33,767 --> 00:09:35,667
Yeah, what were you doing
here in the first place?
175
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,267
Doing a little
sightseeing.
176
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:40,701
Thought one day you
might want to sell
off some of this land.
177
00:09:40,734 --> 00:09:42,334
What have you got in the wagon?
178
00:09:42,367 --> 00:09:44,400
Just some prospecting
equipment.
179
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:46,701
BEN:
Oh, let's not hold
them up, boys.
180
00:09:46,734 --> 00:09:48,534
The man said
they were moving on.
181
00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:50,868
The next time you, uh...
you want to know
182
00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:54,067
where the rest of the world
begins, you might try asking.
183
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:57,100
Mount up.
184
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:04,567
All right.
185
00:10:04,601 --> 00:10:05,567
Ho.
186
00:10:05,601 --> 00:10:07,534
(whinnying)
187
00:10:11,801 --> 00:10:13,734
Hey, wait a minute.
188
00:10:14,801 --> 00:10:15,934
LITTLE JOE:
What is it?
189
00:10:15,968 --> 00:10:17,767
Looks like some kind
of surveying equipment.
190
00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:19,300
Looks like
them guys is lying
191
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:21,334
when they said something
about buying some land.
192
00:10:21,367 --> 00:10:23,501
BEN:
No, they're
interested
193
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:24,667
in land, all right.
194
00:10:24,701 --> 00:10:25,868
I just don't think
195
00:10:25,901 --> 00:10:27,534
they're interested
in buying any of it.
196
00:11:03,267 --> 00:11:05,734
Uh, drinks are two bits,
old-timer.
197
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:08,467
Oh. Half a drink, maybe?
198
00:11:11,467 --> 00:11:13,434
I can't recommend it,
but help yourself.
199
00:11:13,467 --> 00:11:15,567
Oh! Oh, thank you.
200
00:11:15,601 --> 00:11:17,200
That's mighty sociable
of you, stranger.
201
00:11:17,234 --> 00:11:18,367
Mighty sociable.
202
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,534
(laughs)
203
00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:21,634
I, uh... I don't
know you, do I?
204
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:22,901
Nope.
205
00:11:22,934 --> 00:11:24,067
Then how come you...?
206
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,734
Oh, let's just
say that today
207
00:11:25,767 --> 00:11:28,033
I'm filled with the
milk of human kindness.
208
00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:29,267
Oh.
209
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:33,901
(sighs)
210
00:11:33,934 --> 00:11:36,167
That don't taste
much like milk.
211
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,467
Or human
kindness, either.
212
00:11:37,501 --> 00:11:39,434
(giggles)
213
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,234
I sure needed that one.
214
00:11:44,267 --> 00:11:46,100
Covered a lot of
territory today, huh?
215
00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:48,467
Oh, all the way
from Ponderosa.
216
00:11:48,501 --> 00:11:50,033
Ponderosa?
217
00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:52,367
I didn't know the Cartwrights
allowed prospecting.
218
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,567
Well, they don't.
219
00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:55,267
They run me off at high noon.
220
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,100
But they'll get
their comeuppance.
221
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,501
I never saw a spirit
dogging a place yet
222
00:11:59,534 --> 00:12:00,834
that trouble didn't bust out.
223
00:12:00,868 --> 00:12:03,567
A what?
224
00:12:03,601 --> 00:12:05,534
A spirit.
225
00:12:06,801 --> 00:12:08,767
This one lives in my trees.
226
00:12:08,801 --> 00:12:10,868
It, uh... it come out
and watched me
227
00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:12,834
all the time
I was fixing to leave.
228
00:12:12,868 --> 00:12:14,901
Uh, who watched you?
229
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,300
The-the spirit.
230
00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:18,400
And, uh, what did
the spirit look like?
231
00:12:18,434 --> 00:12:20,300
Oh. Oh, it was, uh...
232
00:12:20,334 --> 00:12:21,868
It was big and black
233
00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:24,234
and active as two tomcats
on a back fence.
234
00:12:24,267 --> 00:12:25,901
How big?
235
00:12:25,934 --> 00:12:28,968
Well, could have been
about ten foot, maybe.
236
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,667
Uh-huh. Maybe
even more?
237
00:12:30,701 --> 00:12:33,968
Oh, could have been
15 or 20 foot, maybe.
238
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,300
And wild, huh?
239
00:12:35,334 --> 00:12:38,334
Oh, wildest thing
you ever saw.
240
00:12:38,367 --> 00:12:40,400
Wilder than a Washoe zephyr!
241
00:12:40,434 --> 00:12:42,000
It flit from tree to tree
242
00:12:42,033 --> 00:12:43,934
with a manzanita bush
in each hand
243
00:12:43,968 --> 00:12:45,767
and a waggin' tongue
in its mouth.
244
00:12:45,801 --> 00:12:47,100
Hmm.
245
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,367
20 feet tall.
246
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,767
That's what I call
a man-sized spirit.
247
00:12:50,801 --> 00:12:52,767
(laughs)
248
00:13:06,534 --> 00:13:08,701
"Reported to be 20 feet tall
249
00:13:08,734 --> 00:13:10,701
"and covered with
long, black hair,
250
00:13:10,734 --> 00:13:14,067
"the Wild Man is said
to flit from tree to tree,
251
00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:17,267
"carrying off cattle
and picking his teeth
252
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,734
with a wagging tongue."
253
00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:23,000
By all that's wonderful,
whatever inspired this?
254
00:13:23,033 --> 00:13:25,000
Well, you said your readers
liked a few laughs.
255
00:13:25,033 --> 00:13:26,901
Just so no one questions
your sources.
256
00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:29,200
Well, I admit it's
secondhand reporting,
257
00:13:29,234 --> 00:13:31,400
but my source was
pretty reliable.
258
00:13:31,434 --> 00:13:33,567
That is, until he had
a couple of drinks
under his belt.
259
00:13:33,601 --> 00:13:35,634
And then he, uh,
tended to exaggerate.
260
00:13:35,667 --> 00:13:39,067
(laughing)
261
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,367
Well, it's plain enough to
see what they were up to.
262
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,501
You follow High Valley,
bridge the Truckee
263
00:13:43,534 --> 00:13:45,367
and drop down the west slope.
264
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,667
A natural route for
cutting a road
265
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,834
right through our property.
266
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,501
A road or a railroad.
267
00:13:49,534 --> 00:13:51,400
They intended to sneak
in, make their survey
268
00:13:51,434 --> 00:13:53,033
and sneak out before
anybody ever saw them.
269
00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:54,968
The question is,
why and for whom.
270
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,501
Ah...
Come quick!
Come quick!
271
00:13:56,534 --> 00:13:57,767
Too many people!
No, Hop Sing.
272
00:13:57,801 --> 00:13:59,200
People everywhere!
All over Ponderosa!
273
00:13:59,234 --> 00:14:00,734
Hop Sing, you got
a bigger imagination
274
00:14:00,767 --> 00:14:01,868
than...
LITTLE JOE:
Hey, Pa!
275
00:14:01,901 --> 00:14:03,467
Hey, Pa, you and Adam
better get out here!
276
00:14:03,501 --> 00:14:04,701
There's people all
over the place.
277
00:14:04,734 --> 00:14:05,868
They've come to see
the Wild Man.
278
00:14:05,901 --> 00:14:07,300
Wh-What Wild Man?
279
00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:09,200
Look, right here in
the Enterprise.
280
00:14:09,234 --> 00:14:12,100
"Wild Man of Washoe
Loose on Ponde..."
281
00:14:12,133 --> 00:14:14,334
Now, what fool would put a thing
like that in the paper?!
282
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:16,934
Well, there's the name of the
man who wrote it-- "Josh."
283
00:14:19,133 --> 00:14:21,033
Sam, take a look
at this telegram.
284
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:23,734
The San FranciscoBugle:
"Confirm Wild Man Story.
285
00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:25,000
Flooded with inquiries."
286
00:14:25,033 --> 00:14:27,534
(chuckles)
Big city newspaper, too.
287
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,534
Uh, which one of you
fellows is Josh?
288
00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:31,400
Oh, that's sort of
a pen name I use.
289
00:14:31,434 --> 00:14:33,601
Uh, did you,
uh, write this?
290
00:14:33,634 --> 00:14:34,901
The Wild Man story?
291
00:14:34,934 --> 00:14:37,000
Yeah, sure, I did.
How'd you like it, Mister, uh...
292
00:14:37,033 --> 00:14:38,501
I'm sorry,
I didn't get your name.
293
00:14:38,534 --> 00:14:40,300
Cartwright,
Adam Cartwright.
294
00:14:40,334 --> 00:14:41,501
Oh, I'm Sam Clemens.
295
00:14:41,534 --> 00:14:43,033
I haven't been in
Virginia City very long.
296
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:44,467
And I'm afraid you're
not gonna be around
297
00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:45,767
very much longer,
Mr. Clemens.
298
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,067
You see, this little, uh,
contribution to literature
299
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:49,601
brought 500 people tramping
300
00:14:49,634 --> 00:14:51,267
across the Ponderosa
this morning.
301
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:52,534
As many as that?
Yes.
302
00:14:52,567 --> 00:14:53,968
They, uh, ruined
a field of hay
303
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,567
and scared the wits
out of a herd of cows.
304
00:14:55,601 --> 00:14:57,901
We had to rescue four of
them out of the duck pond.
305
00:14:57,934 --> 00:15:00,534
And my people are still trying
to round up the rest of them.
306
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:03,267
Well, it was just
a bit of sagebrush humor. We...
307
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,901
We had no idea folks
would take it seriously.
308
00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:08,300
Yes, well,
I want a retraction
309
00:15:08,334 --> 00:15:11,334
of the, uh, Wild Man Story to
keep these fools off our land.
310
00:15:11,367 --> 00:15:15,100
Oh, I'm afraid that's kind
of hard to do, Mr. Cartwright.
311
00:15:15,133 --> 00:15:18,868
You see, I got the story
from a very reliable source.
312
00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:20,534
Then you leave
me no choice.
313
00:15:20,567 --> 00:15:22,200
I presume you know
how to handle a gun?
314
00:15:22,234 --> 00:15:23,968
Oh, now, hold
on, Mr. Cart...
315
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,267
Uh, I haven't got any gun.
316
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,567
Well, maybe you're pretty
good with your fists, huh?
317
00:15:27,601 --> 00:15:28,868
Why, sure!
318
00:15:28,901 --> 00:15:30,501
When I was, uh, steamboating
on the Mississippi,
319
00:15:30,534 --> 00:15:31,934
a fellow didn't
like me very much.
320
00:15:31,968 --> 00:15:34,000
We had quite a fight until
I tripped over a rope.
321
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:36,968
Course, he outweighed me
by about five pounds.
322
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,567
Uh, come to think of it, uh,
323
00:15:38,601 --> 00:15:41,234
I sort of hate to mess up
these new clothes I just bought.
324
00:15:41,267 --> 00:15:44,167
Couldn't we, uh, settle this
a little more peaceably?
325
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,400
Are you trying to make
a fool out of me?
326
00:15:46,434 --> 00:15:49,701
Now, I want that retraction
in tomorrow's newspaper.
327
00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:52,200
Well, you're making this
a little difficult.
328
00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:53,300
You see, the Enterprise
329
00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:55,667
never apologizes
for stories it prints.
330
00:15:55,701 --> 00:15:57,434
It's, uh, kind of a policy.
331
00:15:57,467 --> 00:15:58,868
I see.
332
00:15:58,901 --> 00:16:01,534
Well, maybe I can help
change that policy.
333
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,033
Now, you understand
about that retraction?
334
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,501
Y-You'll get your,
uh, you'll get your
335
00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:10,968
retraction, Mr. Cartwright.
Thank you.
336
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,701
You all right, Sam?
337
00:16:12,734 --> 00:16:14,033
Whoo!
338
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,634
I kind of like
those Cartwrights.
339
00:16:28,801 --> 00:16:30,167
(horse neighs)
340
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,701
You, in there!
341
00:16:55,734 --> 00:16:57,667
That's a box canyon!
342
00:16:57,701 --> 00:16:59,334
There's no way out!
343
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,167
(horse neighing)
344
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,267
Get down from there!
345
00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:33,968
Hey, Pa!
346
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,868
Hey, Pa, here comes Adam.
347
00:17:38,534 --> 00:17:39,834
Got somebody across his horse.
348
00:17:39,868 --> 00:17:41,501
Maybe it's that Josh fellow.
349
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,534
Who've you got there?
350
00:17:49,567 --> 00:17:51,200
Found this boy
roaming the hills.
351
00:17:51,234 --> 00:17:52,667
Is he all right?
He's all right.
352
00:17:52,701 --> 00:17:55,167
Take him to the wash house,
let Hop Sing wash him up.
353
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,067
C'mon. C'mon, boy.
354
00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:02,934
Seems to me this Josh fellow
had you buffaloed, Adam.
355
00:18:02,968 --> 00:18:05,033
Well, what are you gonna do
when a man won't fight?
356
00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:07,267
What kind of a man
is he, a coward?
357
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:08,634
I don't know.
358
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:10,434
Anyway, he promised
to print a retraction.
359
00:18:10,467 --> 00:18:11,934
Well, I certainly hope he does.
360
00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:14,000
We don't want some fool
reporter printing stories
361
00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:15,234
that'll send
more people out here.
362
00:18:15,267 --> 00:18:16,667
It's hard enough as it is
363
00:18:16,701 --> 00:18:18,100
to keep an eye out
for strangers.
364
00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:21,000
Now, listen, boys,
I want you to be careful.
365
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:23,033
Don't ride out
by yourselves anymore.
366
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:25,534
If someone is going to pull
a land grab on us,
367
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,000
they can't hide
their hand much longer.
368
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:29,400
(door opening)
369
00:18:29,434 --> 00:18:33,434
(speaking Chinese)
370
00:18:33,467 --> 00:18:35,033
Hop Sing quit!
371
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:36,300
Too much foolishment!
372
00:18:36,334 --> 00:18:37,434
What's the matter
with you?
373
00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:40,567
Work hard, make a fine
supper, wash dish,
374
00:18:40,601 --> 00:18:42,133
no time for foolishment!
375
00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:43,868
Now, just settle
down, Hop Sing.
376
00:18:43,901 --> 00:18:45,434
We got enough trouble
around here already.
377
00:18:45,467 --> 00:18:46,601
You got trouble?
378
00:18:46,634 --> 00:18:48,367
Hop Sing got the foolishment!
379
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,601
Give boy, you say
wash up clean...
380
00:18:50,634 --> 00:18:53,467
Boy? Ain't no boy around here.
381
00:18:53,501 --> 00:18:55,667
Oh, Adam found some lad
wandering around.
382
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:57,300
So, what'd you do with
him, Hop Sing?
383
00:18:57,334 --> 00:18:58,534
Him no boy.
384
00:18:58,567 --> 00:18:59,834
Him girl!
385
00:18:59,868 --> 00:19:01,234
What?!
386
00:19:01,267 --> 00:19:02,901
You go look, see, please!
387
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:05,234
Well, Adam, if you don't
know a boy from a girl...
388
00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:06,267
Shut up!
389
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:07,901
Where is he, I mean, she?
390
00:19:07,934 --> 00:19:09,667
Still in the wash house.
391
00:19:09,701 --> 00:19:10,901
Well, bring
her in here!
392
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:12,367
No can do, Boss.
393
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,801
Burn up clothes.
All very bad shape.
394
00:19:14,834 --> 00:19:17,534
You know, I think
I'd better see what
I can do about this.
395
00:19:17,567 --> 00:19:19,467
Maybe you just better
stay right where you are.
396
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:25,000
(Little Joe laughing)
397
00:19:26,767 --> 00:19:28,200
Good luck, Adam!
398
00:19:40,601 --> 00:19:42,200
You, in there!
399
00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:46,734
Put this on and come on out.
400
00:19:48,968 --> 00:19:51,300
I tell you I found him--
her-- in the brush
401
00:19:51,334 --> 00:19:52,534
and that's all I know.
402
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:53,801
Yeah, well, you should've
asked me, Adam.
403
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:55,434
I could've told you
it was a girl.
404
00:19:55,467 --> 00:19:56,534
(laughing)
405
00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:58,133
What are we gonna
to do with her?
406
00:19:58,167 --> 00:19:59,934
Well, we'll get rid of her.
407
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,334
This way, Missy.
408
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:17,501
Hello.
409
00:20:20,634 --> 00:20:22,868
Won't you sit down?
410
00:20:36,601 --> 00:20:37,868
What's your name, child?
411
00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:49,300
Why did you run away from me?
412
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:53,968
Ain't you got no folks,
no relatives?
413
00:20:57,133 --> 00:21:01,100
Perhaps, perhaps you'd rather
not talk until morning.
414
00:21:03,968 --> 00:21:05,501
No.
415
00:21:05,534 --> 00:21:07,467
I think you're friends.
416
00:21:07,501 --> 00:21:10,133
(sighing)
417
00:21:10,167 --> 00:21:13,367
My name is Rosemary Lawson.
418
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,734
My father and I
left San Francisco
419
00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:19,400
to come to
Virginia City by wagon.
420
00:21:19,434 --> 00:21:21,701
My father was
a school teacher.
421
00:21:21,734 --> 00:21:25,701
But he wanted
to look for silver.
422
00:21:25,734 --> 00:21:29,968
We didn't have any trouble
until we got into the mountains.
423
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,133
Then, one night,
424
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:34,601
we were camped near
the Truckee River.
425
00:21:35,701 --> 00:21:39,167
It was very beautiful there...
426
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,701
and we were very happy.
427
00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:44,133
We sat by the fire and
428
00:21:44,167 --> 00:21:47,300
Daddy sang some
old songs to me.
429
00:21:47,334 --> 00:21:50,901
Then I went to bed
in the wagon.
430
00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:55,067
Later, I was awakened
by pistol shots.
431
00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:59,968
I looked out and there
were strange men in camp.
432
00:22:01,767 --> 00:22:04,033
They'd killed my father!
433
00:22:04,067 --> 00:22:07,000
(crying)
434
00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:12,400
Um, I think you've, uh,
435
00:22:12,434 --> 00:22:15,033
you've talked enough
for tonight, Rosemary.
436
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:17,834
Hop Sing, see that you get
some hot food and, uh,
437
00:22:17,868 --> 00:22:20,100
prepare that room at the
end of the bunkhouse.
438
00:22:26,033 --> 00:22:27,200
You rest well.
439
00:22:29,534 --> 00:22:30,868
(door shuts)
440
00:22:30,901 --> 00:22:32,901
Remember that filly colt
441
00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:36,300
we found in the upper
pasture last spring...
442
00:22:36,334 --> 00:22:39,701
after some skunk of a
hunter killed its mammy?
443
00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:42,534
Yeah, I remember.
444
00:22:42,567 --> 00:22:44,434
She was scared
to death, too.
445
00:22:44,467 --> 00:22:46,767
Took us all day long
to run her down.
446
00:22:46,801 --> 00:22:49,367
They did more to her
than kill her father.
447
00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:25,234
*
448
00:23:43,634 --> 00:23:46,133
All right, who are you
and what are you doing here?
449
00:23:46,167 --> 00:23:48,300
I'm Dr. Ephriam Lovejoy.
450
00:23:48,334 --> 00:23:50,934
I represent, sir, a group
of distinguished scientists.
451
00:23:50,968 --> 00:23:54,000
Scientists...
452
00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:55,467
Adam, what's in that wagon?
453
00:23:57,601 --> 00:23:58,934
Some kind of steel hooks.
454
00:23:58,968 --> 00:24:00,667
Grappling hooks.
455
00:24:00,701 --> 00:24:02,601
I'm going to fish for
the body in the lake.
456
00:24:02,634 --> 00:24:04,267
The body?
457
00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:05,567
What are you talking about?
458
00:24:05,601 --> 00:24:07,834
Well, the body of the
Wild Man, of course.
459
00:24:07,868 --> 00:24:10,567
Didn't you read about it
in the Territorial Enterprise?
460
00:24:10,601 --> 00:24:12,467
I expect to get off
an immediate report
461
00:24:12,501 --> 00:24:14,567
to my scientific group.
462
00:24:14,601 --> 00:24:18,033
What does it say, Pa?
463
00:24:18,067 --> 00:24:20,367
"The Wild Man of Washoe is dead.
464
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,267
"His body having been consigned
to the waters of Lake Tahoe,
465
00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:26,434
"it will now sink to a depth of
200 feet, where it will remain
466
00:24:26,467 --> 00:24:29,000
"motionless, encased
in a block of ice,
467
00:24:29,033 --> 00:24:31,067
"while the pressure
encountered reduces it
468
00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:33,267
to the stature of a child."
469
00:24:33,300 --> 00:24:35,367
I thought they was gonna
print a retraction.
470
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,000
Yeah, some retraction
you've got, Adam.
471
00:24:37,033 --> 00:24:39,367
Surely, gentlemen, for
scientific reasons...
472
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,734
That article was written
473
00:24:40,767 --> 00:24:42,734
by a lying newspaper
reporter named Josh.
474
00:24:42,767 --> 00:24:45,367
Now, head that buggy back
towards Virginia City and fast!
475
00:24:52,300 --> 00:24:53,868
And put out the fire!
476
00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:11,801
(horse neighs)
477
00:25:11,834 --> 00:25:14,300
Well, Adam, it looks like
you got your retraction.
478
00:25:14,334 --> 00:25:17,167
Josh killed off
the Wild Man.
479
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,033
Well, the next time I'm in town,
480
00:25:19,067 --> 00:25:22,167
I think I'll pay this Josh
fellow a little visit.
481
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,133
(grunts)
482
00:25:27,033 --> 00:25:28,567
And I tell you, my friends,
483
00:25:28,601 --> 00:25:30,667
that never in the history
of Virginia City
484
00:25:30,701 --> 00:25:32,200
has there been a greater need
485
00:25:32,234 --> 00:25:34,400
for a guardian of the rights
of the working man.
486
00:25:34,434 --> 00:25:35,868
Right.
487
00:25:35,901 --> 00:25:39,000
The miners who are putting the
name Virginia City on the map.
488
00:25:39,033 --> 00:25:41,000
And those rights
will be guarded.
489
00:25:41,033 --> 00:25:43,100
Now then, gentlemen,
step up to the bar.
490
00:25:43,133 --> 00:25:44,501
The drinks are on me.
491
00:25:44,534 --> 00:25:46,667
(excited chatter)
492
00:25:46,701 --> 00:25:47,834
Drink up, boys.
493
00:25:47,868 --> 00:25:49,000
It's on the judge.
494
00:25:49,033 --> 00:25:50,367
MINNIE:
Yes, sir.
495
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,934
There's two ways of
winning an election.
496
00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:54,734
One's by going around
making speeches.
497
00:25:54,767 --> 00:25:57,734
And the other's by sitting still
and making friends.
498
00:25:57,767 --> 00:26:00,267
Friend, here's mud
in your eye.
499
00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:02,501
Well, I remember you.
500
00:26:02,534 --> 00:26:04,701
And I remember you,
Mrs. Billington.
501
00:26:04,734 --> 00:26:08,200
Friend, see you
on election day.
502
00:26:13,567 --> 00:26:16,033
I, uh, didn't invite you
to sit down.
503
00:26:16,067 --> 00:26:18,033
Thank you anyway.
504
00:26:21,701 --> 00:26:23,601
Your very good
health, ma'am.
505
00:26:23,634 --> 00:26:26,167
And to the election of
Jeremy C. Billington.
506
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,901
You didn't come here
to buy my vote.
507
00:26:28,934 --> 00:26:30,634
Well, he's the
best man, isn't he?
508
00:26:30,667 --> 00:26:33,100
And what I always say--
let the best man win.
509
00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:34,300
Don't you worry about it.
510
00:26:34,334 --> 00:26:36,200
My husband always wins.
511
00:26:36,234 --> 00:26:37,601
You know, Mrs.
Billington,
512
00:26:37,634 --> 00:26:39,267
it's a funny thing
about elections
513
00:26:39,300 --> 00:26:41,033
and contests
of any kind.
514
00:26:41,067 --> 00:26:43,434
You never really know how
they're gonna work out.
515
00:26:43,467 --> 00:26:46,434
Now, back a couple of months
ago, I was in California.
516
00:26:46,467 --> 00:26:48,067
Place called
Calaveras County.
517
00:26:48,100 --> 00:26:50,667
And the folks there seemed
to think that they wanted
518
00:26:50,701 --> 00:26:53,267
to hold a sort of a-a little,
uh... frog-jumping contest?
519
00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:54,601
Yeah, I heard about it.
520
00:26:54,634 --> 00:26:56,701
You're the fellow thinks up
all that junk.
521
00:26:56,734 --> 00:26:58,567
Signs himself Josh.
522
00:26:58,601 --> 00:27:01,901
Well, I, uh, wouldn't exactly
call it junk, ma'am.
523
00:27:01,934 --> 00:27:03,801
All right.
What would you call it?
524
00:27:03,834 --> 00:27:07,868
Well, uh, I'd call it
some, uh, pretty fancy writing.
525
00:27:07,901 --> 00:27:10,934
Take my word for it-- it's junk.
526
00:27:10,968 --> 00:27:14,100
Well, maybe you're
right at that.
527
00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:15,834
Smart fellow
like you shouldn't ought
528
00:27:15,868 --> 00:27:17,434
to be wasting
his time writing,
529
00:27:17,467 --> 00:27:19,801
or any other kind
of silly stuff like that.
530
00:27:19,834 --> 00:27:20,968
(chuckles)
531
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,000
Well, uh, what
should I ought to do?
532
00:27:23,033 --> 00:27:24,267
You see, I
tried prospecting.
533
00:27:24,300 --> 00:27:25,434
I couldn't make a dime.
534
00:27:25,467 --> 00:27:27,634
Prospecting.
535
00:27:27,667 --> 00:27:29,834
That's almost as bad as writing.
536
00:27:29,868 --> 00:27:32,167
There's a lot better ways
of making a pile
537
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,434
than going out in the hills
digging for it.
538
00:27:34,467 --> 00:27:35,701
(laughs)
539
00:27:35,734 --> 00:27:38,234
Yes, I guess there are.
540
00:27:40,234 --> 00:27:41,634
Now, you take politics.
541
00:27:41,667 --> 00:27:43,501
There's a big future
in politics.
542
00:27:43,534 --> 00:27:46,267
Well, there... there has been
one for the last, uh...
543
00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:48,000
5,000 years.
544
00:27:48,033 --> 00:27:50,968
No, I mean,
right here, in Nevada.
545
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,033
Fellow like you could
go places in Nevada.
546
00:27:53,067 --> 00:27:55,133
Well, you see, there
are a few places
547
00:27:55,167 --> 00:27:56,901
I'd rather see first.
548
00:27:56,934 --> 00:27:58,667
Oh, what kind of places
you talking about?
549
00:27:58,701 --> 00:28:02,501
Oh, uh, London, Paris, Rome.
550
00:28:02,534 --> 00:28:04,300
You see, uh,
when you're from Missouri,
551
00:28:04,334 --> 00:28:07,367
you've got to get out and
take a good look at the world.
552
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,200
Well, whatever for?
553
00:28:09,234 --> 00:28:11,901
Oh, to understand
your own home town,
554
00:28:11,934 --> 00:28:14,167
the friends you had
when you were a child,
555
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,567
sailing down the Mississippi
on a raft, and...
556
00:28:17,601 --> 00:28:20,300
Oh, you know,
all kinds of junk like that.
557
00:28:20,334 --> 00:28:23,000
Believe me, you won't
make a dime doing that, either.
558
00:28:23,033 --> 00:28:24,634
The money's out here
in Nevada.
559
00:28:24,667 --> 00:28:26,934
Like, uh, when you
get elected judge?
560
00:28:26,968 --> 00:28:28,667
What's wrong
with being elected judge?
561
00:28:28,701 --> 00:28:30,767
Oh, nothing, except
the way it's done.
562
00:28:30,801 --> 00:28:33,167
You may be able to
buy some votes with this,
563
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,267
but, uh, you
won't be able
564
00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:37,434
to buy what we print
in the Enterprise.
565
00:28:37,467 --> 00:28:41,567
One way or another, my husband's
going to be elected judge.
566
00:28:41,601 --> 00:28:44,734
Isn't that, uh, sort
of up to the voters?
567
00:28:44,767 --> 00:28:47,901
Well, I'll, uh, see you
on election day, ma'am.
568
00:28:47,934 --> 00:28:50,534
Oh, and just for the
record, Mrs. Billington,
569
00:28:50,567 --> 00:28:53,133
I may never make a dime
writing all that junk,
570
00:28:53,167 --> 00:28:56,100
but, uh, here's one vote
that's sort of hard to buy.
571
00:28:56,133 --> 00:28:59,567
And I like to pay
for my own drinks.
572
00:29:09,567 --> 00:29:11,534
(sighs)
573
00:29:13,901 --> 00:29:16,200
Sam, I need a filler
for page three.
574
00:29:16,234 --> 00:29:18,067
You know, something
short and snappy.
575
00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:19,234
Yeah, I know.
576
00:29:19,267 --> 00:29:20,801
Give 'em a few laughs, huh?
577
00:29:20,834 --> 00:29:22,067
What's eating you?
578
00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:23,234
Oh, I don't know, Bill.
579
00:29:23,267 --> 00:29:24,667
I guess I'm getting
a little tired
580
00:29:24,701 --> 00:29:26,667
of writing sagebrush humor.
581
00:29:26,701 --> 00:29:29,033
But you write this
kind of stuff so well.
582
00:29:29,067 --> 00:29:30,934
Well, that's just it--
it's-it's stuff.
583
00:29:30,968 --> 00:29:32,200
I like humorous writing,
584
00:29:32,234 --> 00:29:34,567
but I like to say something
along with it.
585
00:29:34,601 --> 00:29:35,901
You make the
miners laugh.
586
00:29:35,934 --> 00:29:37,033
That's the
important thing.
587
00:29:37,067 --> 00:29:38,868
It is?
588
00:29:38,901 --> 00:29:41,567
How about making them think
for a change, huh?
589
00:29:41,601 --> 00:29:42,868
About what?
590
00:29:42,901 --> 00:29:44,400
Well, the election,
for instance.
591
00:29:44,434 --> 00:29:47,400
About the Right Honorable
Jeremy C. Billington.
592
00:29:47,434 --> 00:29:49,501
I don't think
anybody in Virginia City knows
593
00:29:49,534 --> 00:29:51,067
there's another man
running for judge.
594
00:29:51,100 --> 00:29:52,968
Well, there's Henry
Walker, of course.
595
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,100
He runs against
Jeremy every time
596
00:29:55,133 --> 00:29:56,834
and always loses.
597
00:29:56,868 --> 00:29:58,200
People are getting
pretty used
598
00:29:58,234 --> 00:30:00,234
to electing Billington judge,
aren't they?
599
00:30:00,267 --> 00:30:02,200
Yes, I guess by
now they are.
600
00:30:03,300 --> 00:30:05,400
Then why is he spending
so much money
601
00:30:05,434 --> 00:30:06,968
on his campaign this time, hmm?
602
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,133
Now that you mention it,
it is kind of unusual.
603
00:30:10,167 --> 00:30:12,334
Yeah. So are
those Paris gowns
604
00:30:12,367 --> 00:30:14,334
that Minnie Billington wears.
605
00:30:14,367 --> 00:30:16,701
Miners are so busy looking
at her low necklines,
606
00:30:16,734 --> 00:30:19,033
they forget who's
paying for them.
607
00:30:19,067 --> 00:30:21,167
Are you afraid the Enterprise
won't print any story
608
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:22,334
you happen to dig up?
609
00:30:22,367 --> 00:30:24,434
You know, I had a
little bet with myself
610
00:30:24,467 --> 00:30:25,701
that you'd go
along with me?
611
00:30:25,734 --> 00:30:27,767
Sam, this is a newspaper,
not a comic strip.
612
00:30:27,801 --> 00:30:29,000
You come up with a story,
613
00:30:29,033 --> 00:30:30,234
and the Enterprise
will print it.
614
00:30:30,267 --> 00:30:31,734
Just as long
as I sign it?
615
00:30:31,767 --> 00:30:33,634
Just as long
as you sign it.
616
00:30:33,667 --> 00:30:35,334
All right.
617
00:30:35,367 --> 00:30:37,367
Well, let me see, uh...
618
00:30:49,667 --> 00:30:51,434
Let's get out of here.
619
00:30:53,334 --> 00:30:55,934
(calling to horses)
620
00:31:02,033 --> 00:31:03,234
Ya! Ya!
621
00:31:03,267 --> 00:31:04,901
(two gunshots)
622
00:31:04,934 --> 00:31:06,868
(calling to horse)
623
00:31:10,067 --> 00:31:11,601
(indistinct shouting)
624
00:31:34,701 --> 00:31:37,000
(gunfire continues)
625
00:31:40,067 --> 00:31:41,567
(groans)
626
00:31:41,601 --> 00:31:43,033
Just a crease.
627
00:31:43,067 --> 00:31:44,534
He ain't hurt bad.
628
00:31:44,567 --> 00:31:47,033
You'd better
have a good story
this time, Mister.
629
00:31:47,067 --> 00:31:48,367
I've got nothing
to say.
630
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,467
Well, you better think
of something quick.
631
00:31:50,501 --> 00:31:52,934
Why take it out
on me?
632
00:31:52,968 --> 00:31:55,033
The man you want is back
in Virginia City.
633
00:31:58,100 --> 00:32:00,467
Get his
horse.
634
00:32:08,701 --> 00:32:10,868
Whoa.
635
00:32:10,901 --> 00:32:13,067
Ah, my dear,
636
00:32:13,100 --> 00:32:15,868
today you are the epitome
of feminine pulchritude.
637
00:32:15,901 --> 00:32:18,367
Don't you talk dirty to
me, Jeremy Billington.
638
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,868
(stammers)
639
00:32:19,901 --> 00:32:21,300
(laughs)
640
00:32:21,334 --> 00:32:23,501
I won't be long, my dear.
641
00:32:51,834 --> 00:32:52,801
You Daniel Lash?
642
00:32:52,834 --> 00:32:53,834
What's the meaning
of this?
643
00:32:53,868 --> 00:32:54,934
We'll ask
the questions.
644
00:32:54,968 --> 00:32:56,400
Gentlemen, I
wouldn't like
to cite you
645
00:32:56,434 --> 00:32:57,567
into my court
for threatening.
646
00:32:57,601 --> 00:32:58,767
You, sit down.
647
00:32:58,801 --> 00:33:00,167
We didn't come here
to threaten anyone.
648
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:01,467
We came here
to warn you.
649
00:33:01,501 --> 00:33:03,234
Now, you stay away
from us, Lash.
650
00:33:03,267 --> 00:33:05,133
There'll be
no land grab on
the Ponderosa.
651
00:33:05,167 --> 00:33:06,801
ADAM:
Next time your men
start shooting at us,
652
00:33:06,834 --> 00:33:09,400
we won't be bringing them back
to you alive.
653
00:33:20,234 --> 00:33:22,534
What do you
think happened?
654
00:33:22,567 --> 00:33:25,367
I, uh, think railroad stocks
took a little drop.
655
00:33:39,133 --> 00:33:40,300
It just doesn't
make sense, Pa.
656
00:33:40,334 --> 00:33:41,901
Why would they bypass
the main railroad line
657
00:33:41,934 --> 00:33:44,000
just in order
to cut across the Ponderosa?
658
00:33:44,033 --> 00:33:45,567
25,000 acres
of prime timber
659
00:33:45,601 --> 00:33:46,734
and grazing
land.
660
00:33:46,767 --> 00:33:47,968
That's reason
enough,
isn't it?
661
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,234
Why, the railroad people
could grab that much land
662
00:33:50,267 --> 00:33:51,834
just by checkerboarding
a right-of-way
663
00:33:51,868 --> 00:33:53,033
across our property.
664
00:33:53,067 --> 00:33:54,467
Well, by
checkerboarding,
665
00:33:54,501 --> 00:33:57,067
they could seal off
every other square mile of land.
666
00:33:57,100 --> 00:33:58,334
That's right.
667
00:33:58,367 --> 00:33:59,767
Yeah, but, Pa, would any court
668
00:33:59,801 --> 00:34:01,267
in the land approve
a right-of-way
669
00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:03,334
that ain't nothing
but a front for a land grab?
670
00:34:03,367 --> 00:34:05,834
Not unless
they got to a judge.
671
00:34:05,868 --> 00:34:08,133
Hey, you mean
Judge Billington?
672
00:34:08,167 --> 00:34:10,467
I don't think
it was any coincidence at all
673
00:34:10,501 --> 00:34:12,534
that we found the judge
in Lash's office.
674
00:34:12,567 --> 00:34:14,534
I wouldn't put it past
the old scallywag.
675
00:34:14,567 --> 00:34:15,701
(door opens)
676
00:34:15,734 --> 00:34:16,868
ROSEMARY:
Is anything wrong?
677
00:34:16,901 --> 00:34:18,534
LITTLE JOE:
Hey, Adam.
678
00:34:18,567 --> 00:34:20,467
Hey, take a look
at what happened
679
00:34:20,501 --> 00:34:22,133
to that little
boy you found.
680
00:34:22,167 --> 00:34:24,467
BEN:
Well! (laughs)
681
00:34:24,501 --> 00:34:26,334
Well, you
sure look
pretty.
Thank you.
682
00:34:26,367 --> 00:34:30,067
You know, I don't understand how
I made such a big mistake.
683
00:34:30,100 --> 00:34:31,734
That Hop Sing's a
pretty good outfitter.
684
00:34:31,767 --> 00:34:33,901
Oh, he bought
a lot more
than I need.
685
00:34:33,934 --> 00:34:36,033
I don't know
how to thank
all of you.
686
00:34:36,067 --> 00:34:37,200
Well...
687
00:34:37,234 --> 00:34:39,901
Somebody come here.
688
00:34:39,934 --> 00:34:41,734
Ride up on a mule.
689
00:34:41,767 --> 00:34:43,467
That's all we need.
690
00:34:43,501 --> 00:34:45,200
Another scientific
expedition.
691
00:34:45,234 --> 00:34:47,367
Rosemary, let's find
out who this is.
692
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,300
It's that
newspaper
reporter.
693
00:34:55,334 --> 00:34:57,267
Afternoon.
694
00:34:58,901 --> 00:35:00,534
We, uh...
we printed
the retraction
695
00:35:00,567 --> 00:35:01,734
about the
Wild Man.
696
00:35:01,767 --> 00:35:02,901
So we noticed.
697
00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:04,734
Uh, would you care
to meet him?
698
00:35:04,767 --> 00:35:06,834
Wouldn't that be a
little hard to do?
699
00:35:06,868 --> 00:35:09,701
After all, it was
just something I
sort of dreamed up.
700
00:35:09,734 --> 00:35:11,367
Well, Mr. Clemens,
701
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,534
I think you should be
given the opportunity
702
00:35:13,567 --> 00:35:15,100
of meeting
the Wild Man.
703
00:35:15,133 --> 00:35:16,434
Here she is.
704
00:35:16,467 --> 00:35:17,667
You mean,
she's a...?
705
00:35:17,701 --> 00:35:18,968
HOSS:
That's right,
Mr. Clemens.
706
00:35:19,033 --> 00:35:20,267
There's
your Wild Man.
707
00:35:20,300 --> 00:35:22,868
20 foot tall with a manzanita
bush in each hand
708
00:35:22,901 --> 00:35:24,801
and a waggin' tongue
in her mouth.
709
00:35:24,834 --> 00:35:25,968
(laughter)
710
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,334
Well, I don't know
711
00:35:27,367 --> 00:35:28,934
what they're
talking about, Miss,
712
00:35:28,968 --> 00:35:31,567
but you're the prettiest
Wild Man I ever did see.
713
00:35:31,601 --> 00:35:33,200
Thank you.
714
00:35:33,234 --> 00:35:36,234
Mr. Clemens,
to what do we
owe this visit?
715
00:35:36,267 --> 00:35:37,968
Well, for one thing,
I thought you ought to know
716
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:39,167
there are warrants out
for your arrest.
717
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:42,534
Warrants?
718
00:35:42,567 --> 00:35:45,634
Well, I, uh... I think we ought
to talk about this inside.
719
00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:48,400
Rosemary, tell Hop Sing
we'll have a guest for dinner.
720
00:35:48,434 --> 00:35:49,801
Here, I'll take
your mule.
721
00:35:49,834 --> 00:35:50,968
Thank you.
722
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,767
Come on.
723
00:35:52,801 --> 00:35:55,767
Mr. Clemens,
I homesteaded the Ponderosa,
724
00:35:55,801 --> 00:35:58,067
fought Indians
and drove off outlaws.
725
00:35:58,100 --> 00:36:01,367
I'm not going to let Lash
or anybody else grab my land.
726
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:03,467
Well, if the railroad
got a legal right-of-way
727
00:36:03,501 --> 00:36:05,067
and checkerboarded
the Ponderosa
728
00:36:05,100 --> 00:36:07,667
with land holdings,
what would you do then?
729
00:36:07,701 --> 00:36:09,367
Fight.
730
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,033
We've got guns,
731
00:36:11,067 --> 00:36:13,167
ammunition,
and friends.
732
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:16,200
You can't fight the law
with guns.
733
00:36:16,234 --> 00:36:18,133
I don't think you have
the proper respect
734
00:36:18,167 --> 00:36:20,000
for guns,
Mr. Clemens.
735
00:36:20,033 --> 00:36:22,567
But you'd be surprised
how many people have.
736
00:36:24,300 --> 00:36:26,267
Oh, I got a lot
of respect for guns.
737
00:36:29,567 --> 00:36:31,067
Good balance.
738
00:36:31,100 --> 00:36:33,767
The thing is that sometimes
you get right smack dab
739
00:36:33,801 --> 00:36:36,133
into a fight
that you can't settle with guns.
740
00:36:36,167 --> 00:36:38,501
Or with, uh, fists.
741
00:36:38,534 --> 00:36:41,000
That's right.
742
00:36:41,033 --> 00:36:43,400
Now, if our hunch
is correct, everything depends
743
00:36:43,434 --> 00:36:45,133
on defeating Billington
in the election
744
00:36:45,167 --> 00:36:46,834
so he won't sell out
to the railroad.
745
00:36:46,868 --> 00:36:48,834
Looks to me like we
ought to get started
746
00:36:48,868 --> 00:36:50,767
then before
the election.
747
00:36:50,801 --> 00:36:52,601
You can't defeat
a politician with guns,
748
00:36:52,634 --> 00:36:55,734
but you might
be able to with laughter.
749
00:36:55,767 --> 00:36:57,701
You mean, laugh
him out of town?
750
00:36:57,734 --> 00:36:59,100
Something like that.
751
00:36:59,133 --> 00:37:01,767
Sometimes the pen is mightier
than the sword.
752
00:37:01,801 --> 00:37:03,300
Well, I don't
know, Mr. Clemens.
753
00:37:03,334 --> 00:37:06,000
I think I'd have to put
my money on the sword.
754
00:37:06,033 --> 00:37:08,167
Yeah, if I was up
against that crowd, I...
755
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,901
I think I'd count
on my guns.
756
00:37:09,934 --> 00:37:12,067
Well, wait a minute, boys.
757
00:37:12,100 --> 00:37:14,734
Sam, if you want to fight
this thing out with your pen,
758
00:37:14,767 --> 00:37:16,234
well, that's up to you.
759
00:37:16,267 --> 00:37:18,167
But we'll be around
with our guns
760
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:19,601
to help you if you need us.
761
00:37:19,634 --> 00:37:21,334
Fair enough.
762
00:37:21,367 --> 00:37:22,701
You know, I sure
would like to know
763
00:37:22,734 --> 00:37:23,934
how you're gonna
go about it.
764
00:37:23,968 --> 00:37:27,734
Just keep reading the
Territorial Enterprise.
765
00:37:30,701 --> 00:37:32,400
(indistinct conversations)
766
00:37:43,334 --> 00:37:44,901
"Professor Personal Pronoun
767
00:37:44,934 --> 00:37:47,634
Runs For Office
in Virginia City"-- by Josh.
768
00:37:47,667 --> 00:37:50,701
"Jeremy C. Billington,
friend of the miner,
769
00:37:50,734 --> 00:37:53,300
"the mill worker
and the back alley dog,
770
00:37:53,334 --> 00:37:55,601
"spoke at a political
rally last night.
771
00:37:55,634 --> 00:37:58,133
"Most of the speech
was devoted to the nobility
772
00:37:58,167 --> 00:38:00,133
"of Mr. Billington himself.
773
00:38:00,167 --> 00:38:01,667
"An alarming number of sentences
774
00:38:01,701 --> 00:38:04,000
"began with the pronoun 'I',
775
00:38:04,033 --> 00:38:05,901
"which qualifies the
Judge as a professor
776
00:38:05,934 --> 00:38:08,300
"on the subject
of personal pronouns.
777
00:38:08,334 --> 00:38:11,234
"During the discourse, it was
possible for this reporter
778
00:38:11,267 --> 00:38:14,400
"to discover that the professor
is against sin,
779
00:38:14,434 --> 00:38:17,834
gravy on the vest,
and overflowing water closets."
780
00:38:17,868 --> 00:38:19,734
Hey, this fellow Josh
gets right to the seat
781
00:38:19,767 --> 00:38:22,067
of the trouble, don't he?
782
00:38:22,100 --> 00:38:23,334
I guess our friend Josh
783
00:38:23,367 --> 00:38:25,534
knows what he's
doing, after all.
784
00:38:25,567 --> 00:38:28,300
Josh claims Professor
Personal Pronoun will provide
785
00:38:28,334 --> 00:38:32,634
more free air, stronger zephyrs,
taller mine mules.
786
00:38:32,667 --> 00:38:34,167
He's making a fool of you!
787
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:35,734
That doesn't mean a thing!
788
00:38:35,767 --> 00:38:37,701
I'll beat Henry Walker
by 3,000 votes!
789
00:38:37,734 --> 00:38:39,300
Billington, I've
got too big a hand
790
00:38:39,334 --> 00:38:42,300
in this game
to take chances!
791
00:38:42,334 --> 00:38:45,133
No quack newspaper reporter
is going to stand
792
00:38:45,167 --> 00:38:47,567
between me and the Ponderosa.
793
00:38:56,100 --> 00:38:58,367
(thud, Sam groaning)
794
00:39:23,267 --> 00:39:24,934
Doesn't look too bad.
795
00:39:24,968 --> 00:39:26,300
Well, you had enough?
796
00:39:26,334 --> 00:39:27,534
No, Bill.
797
00:39:27,567 --> 00:39:28,868
Billington's got to be beaten
798
00:39:28,901 --> 00:39:31,200
for the good of everyone
in Virginia City.
799
00:39:31,234 --> 00:39:34,200
I think I might just have
the story that'll do it.
800
00:39:39,133 --> 00:39:41,734
Sam?! Sam!
801
00:39:47,601 --> 00:39:49,501
I want to see
Judge Billington.
802
00:39:49,534 --> 00:39:51,467
I think the Judge
has retired.
803
00:39:51,501 --> 00:39:53,434
That's all right,
he's expecting me.
804
00:40:21,834 --> 00:40:23,033
(knocking continues)
805
00:40:23,067 --> 00:40:24,267
MINNIE:
Who is it?
806
00:40:24,300 --> 00:40:26,200
I'm from
Lash's office.
807
00:40:26,234 --> 00:40:28,601
It's about time.
808
00:40:28,634 --> 00:40:29,701
Is it in gold?
809
00:40:30,801 --> 00:40:32,701
Yes, it's gold, all right.
810
00:40:32,734 --> 00:40:34,968
We had to collect it from
one of the gambling places.
811
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,400
That's why I was late.
812
00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:37,601
Well, let me see it.
813
00:40:37,634 --> 00:40:38,701
Let me see it!
814
00:40:40,667 --> 00:40:42,968
(loud jangling)
815
00:40:50,367 --> 00:40:53,334
"...and there she stood,
nightgown torn right off...
816
00:40:53,367 --> 00:40:56,167
(clamoring excitedly)
817
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,000
"Gold pieces six inches deep
818
00:40:58,033 --> 00:41:01,000
around the prettiest bare
feet in Virginia City."
819
00:41:01,033 --> 00:41:02,434
Wish I could've seen that!
Oh!
820
00:41:02,467 --> 00:41:04,434
(chuckling)
821
00:41:04,467 --> 00:41:07,501
Uh... "Money may be the
root of all evil,
822
00:41:07,534 --> 00:41:11,300
but a lady without a nightgown
sure takes the curse off it."
823
00:41:11,334 --> 00:41:13,968
Oh!
Oh, and how!
824
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:18,467
"Maybe Mr. Daniel Lash's
foreman has a case pending
825
00:41:18,501 --> 00:41:21,734
"in Professor Personal
Pronoun's Court.
826
00:41:21,767 --> 00:41:23,868
"But if he has,
we're sure this was
827
00:41:23,901 --> 00:41:26,734
just his tribute
to feminine beauty."
828
00:41:26,767 --> 00:41:28,767
(chuckling)
829
00:41:28,801 --> 00:41:30,801
Beating up that reporter
830
00:41:30,834 --> 00:41:33,400
didn't stop him from
writing more stories.
831
00:41:33,434 --> 00:41:35,133
Well, there's one way
we can stop him
832
00:41:35,167 --> 00:41:37,634
from ever writing
another line.
833
00:41:37,667 --> 00:41:39,801
That might be
better all around.
834
00:41:39,834 --> 00:41:43,100
He won't amount to much
as a writer anyway.
835
00:41:43,133 --> 00:41:44,801
I can make sure of that.
836
00:41:44,834 --> 00:41:48,000
Get him out of my
way, permanently.
837
00:41:55,267 --> 00:41:56,968
My friends...
838
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:00,300
My friends, in this election,
839
00:42:00,334 --> 00:42:03,834
do not allow yourselves to be
tricked by the special interests
840
00:42:03,868 --> 00:42:06,367
spearheaded
by a libelous newspaper
841
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:10,000
determined to overthrow the
will of the common people.
842
00:42:10,033 --> 00:42:11,834
If I am elected,
843
00:42:11,868 --> 00:42:16,467
we will drive these thieves of
liberty out of Virginia City
844
00:42:16,501 --> 00:42:20,000
and once more,
every man will be a king
845
00:42:20,033 --> 00:42:22,634
and every woman a queen.
846
00:42:22,667 --> 00:42:25,400
(crowd laughing)
With deuces wild?
847
00:42:25,434 --> 00:42:27,601
My friends, my friends!
848
00:42:28,701 --> 00:42:30,434
Get up.
My friends!
849
00:42:30,467 --> 00:42:32,167
Try anything and
people get hurt.
850
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:35,567
My friends, I believe
in fair play.
851
00:42:35,601 --> 00:42:38,801
That's my motto, fair play.
852
00:42:38,834 --> 00:42:40,434
What do you charge for
it, Billington, huh?
853
00:42:40,467 --> 00:42:44,434
My friends, my friends,
do not believe the lies
854
00:42:44,467 --> 00:42:46,934
perpetrated by a man who refuses
855
00:42:46,968 --> 00:42:49,801
to sign his own name
to his articles,
856
00:42:49,834 --> 00:42:53,100
but insists on being called
"Josh."
857
00:42:53,133 --> 00:42:54,567
(gunshots)
858
00:42:54,601 --> 00:42:56,701
My friends, my friends,
listen to me!
859
00:42:56,734 --> 00:42:58,534
(gunshots)
860
00:42:58,567 --> 00:43:00,901
You've known me all
your lives, my friends.
861
00:43:00,934 --> 00:43:02,334
Oh, shut up.
862
00:43:02,367 --> 00:43:03,834
Your friends, my eye.
863
00:43:03,868 --> 00:43:05,334
Let's get out of here!
864
00:43:40,434 --> 00:43:41,868
Where's Sam Clemens?
865
00:43:41,901 --> 00:43:43,767
He's covering the
political rally.
866
00:43:43,801 --> 00:43:46,067
Aren't you folks taking a big
chance, coming into town?
867
00:43:46,100 --> 00:43:48,033
Apparently not as much of
a chance as Sam Clemens.
868
00:43:48,067 --> 00:43:49,467
We heard he was beaten up.
869
00:43:49,501 --> 00:43:50,968
Didn't stop him, he's
still going strong.
870
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,868
Yeah, but how long can
he keep on taking it?
871
00:43:52,901 --> 00:43:54,834
(gunshots)
872
00:44:01,267 --> 00:44:02,767
HENCHMAN:
Come over here!
873
00:44:02,801 --> 00:44:05,067
(gunshots)
874
00:44:13,734 --> 00:44:14,934
You need some help.
875
00:44:14,968 --> 00:44:16,234
That must've been
quite a rally!
876
00:44:16,267 --> 00:44:17,767
I gotta get this story
on the presses.
877
00:44:18,534 --> 00:44:20,334
All right, now!
878
00:44:26,467 --> 00:44:28,067
Got to get this story out.
879
00:44:28,100 --> 00:44:29,868
Sounds like you started
a riot! What happened?
880
00:44:29,901 --> 00:44:31,434
Read about it in
your next edition.
881
00:44:31,467 --> 00:44:35,133
Adam, Joe, you're next.
882
00:44:35,167 --> 00:44:36,200
Go!
883
00:44:41,033 --> 00:44:43,801
Knock off a fast
proof, will you?
884
00:44:48,501 --> 00:44:50,234
(horse neighs)
885
00:44:57,334 --> 00:44:59,801
Hey, Josh, I sure am
anxious to read that story.
886
00:44:59,834 --> 00:45:01,801
Josh.
887
00:45:01,834 --> 00:45:03,067
That's what's wrong!
888
00:45:03,100 --> 00:45:04,567
LITTLE JOE:
What's wrong?
889
00:45:04,601 --> 00:45:06,300
I knew it all along.
890
00:45:06,334 --> 00:45:07,501
It just wasn't right.
891
00:45:07,534 --> 00:45:08,667
Hey, don't stop writing!
892
00:45:08,701 --> 00:45:09,868
Come on, finish it!
893
00:45:09,901 --> 00:45:12,133
For Pete's sake, Sam,
finish the story!
894
00:45:16,234 --> 00:45:17,200
Come on!
895
00:45:17,234 --> 00:45:19,400
Hoss!
896
00:45:35,467 --> 00:45:37,367
C'mon, go that way.
897
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,567
You know, Joe,
when I was a boy
898
00:45:40,601 --> 00:45:42,501
living on the banks
of the Mississippi,
899
00:45:42,534 --> 00:45:45,234
I used to dream
about becoming a
river pilot someday.
900
00:45:45,267 --> 00:45:47,968
Well, dream about
it some other time.
901
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,434
(gunshots)
902
00:45:49,467 --> 00:45:51,000
Hurry up with that darn story!
903
00:45:51,033 --> 00:45:53,367
Hoss, watch the back door!
904
00:45:55,300 --> 00:45:57,467
Josh, get down!
905
00:45:59,834 --> 00:46:01,367
You'd have to live
on the Mississippi
906
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:02,601
to know what it's really like.
907
00:46:02,634 --> 00:46:06,033
The way those big old boats
come down the river,
908
00:46:06,067 --> 00:46:09,033
the leadsman standing
out there on the bow,
909
00:46:09,067 --> 00:46:12,534
taking the depth and singing it
out to the pilot on the bridge.
910
00:46:12,567 --> 00:46:16,133
On a summer evening, it,
uh, has the sound of music.
911
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:23,467
Music?
912
00:46:23,501 --> 00:46:25,334
You don't get that story
finished, the only thing
913
00:46:25,367 --> 00:46:27,734
you're gonna hear
is a funeral march.
914
00:46:32,834 --> 00:46:35,467
I can still hear it.
915
00:46:35,501 --> 00:46:38,767
"Mark four!"
916
00:46:38,801 --> 00:46:41,567
"Mark three!"
917
00:46:41,601 --> 00:46:44,434
"Quarter less three!"
918
00:46:44,467 --> 00:46:46,100
"Half twain!"
919
00:46:46,133 --> 00:46:49,601
"Quarter twain!"
920
00:46:49,634 --> 00:46:51,767
"Mark Twain!"
921
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:09,133
(grunting)
922
00:47:15,534 --> 00:47:17,367
Joe, I've got it!
923
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,567
You sure almost did
get it, Mr. Clemens.
924
00:47:19,601 --> 00:47:20,734
No, you don't understand.
925
00:47:20,767 --> 00:47:22,534
I mean, I've finally
found my name.
926
00:47:22,567 --> 00:47:24,534
Ain't your name Samuel Clemens?
927
00:47:24,567 --> 00:47:26,801
No, Hoss, I mean my pen name.
928
00:47:26,834 --> 00:47:28,133
Mark Twain.
929
00:47:28,167 --> 00:47:29,901
That means river
running clear,
930
00:47:29,934 --> 00:47:31,901
two fathoms of water
beneath the keel.
931
00:47:31,934 --> 00:47:34,501
That's what river men
call real clear sailing.
932
00:47:34,534 --> 00:47:35,934
Everything's pretty clear
933
00:47:35,968 --> 00:47:37,501
around here right now,
Mr. Clemens.
934
00:47:40,701 --> 00:47:43,334
I don't know about
that name, Mark Twain.
935
00:47:43,367 --> 00:47:46,100
Seem to me like I've heard a lot
better names than that before.
936
00:47:46,133 --> 00:47:48,968
You sure that's a fitting
name for a writer?
937
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,367
(chuckling):
Well, I don't know, Hoss.
938
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,000
We'll just have to
give it a try.
939
00:47:52,033 --> 00:47:53,634
You got the finish
of that story, Sam?
940
00:47:53,667 --> 00:47:56,100
Everything but the byline.
941
00:47:56,133 --> 00:47:58,200
Sign it-- "Mark Twain."
942
00:47:58,234 --> 00:47:59,834
Mark Twain?
943
00:47:59,868 --> 00:48:01,400
Well, it's better than Josh.
944
00:48:01,434 --> 00:48:03,834
What happened
to Samuel Clemens?
945
00:48:03,868 --> 00:48:06,000
I guess we've seen the
last of Sam Clemens.
946
00:48:06,033 --> 00:48:07,400
You know something?
947
00:48:07,434 --> 00:48:08,801
I like it.
948
00:48:08,834 --> 00:48:10,501
Mark Twain.
949
00:48:12,534 --> 00:48:14,467
Mark Twain.
950
00:48:15,667 --> 00:48:20,400
(indistinct shouting, cheering)
951
00:48:20,434 --> 00:48:23,667
Here she is, Sam,
hot off the press.
952
00:48:23,701 --> 00:48:27,200
"Professor Personal Pronoun
Won't be Around Anymore."
953
00:48:27,234 --> 00:48:28,434
(crowd laughing)
954
00:48:28,467 --> 00:48:29,434
By Mark Twain.
955
00:48:29,467 --> 00:48:30,968
That was quite
a fight, Sam.
956
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:32,634
Yeah, I guess you
were right at that,
957
00:48:32,667 --> 00:48:34,033
the pen is mightier
than the sword.
958
00:48:34,067 --> 00:48:35,734
Anytime you wanna visit
Virginia City again,
959
00:48:35,767 --> 00:48:37,067
you just write us
and let us know.
960
00:48:37,100 --> 00:48:39,701
And be sure to sign it "Mark
Twain" so we know who it is.
961
00:48:39,734 --> 00:48:41,868
Bye, Sam!
I sure will.
962
00:48:41,901 --> 00:48:43,868
I'll sign it-- "Mark Twain."
963
00:48:43,901 --> 00:48:46,934
(all saying good-byes)
964
00:48:46,968 --> 00:48:49,901
(all cheering)
965
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:53,147
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