Original subtitles

So you guys are going out on back-to-back nights?

You must really like this Hannah girl.

Well, she's funny,

- she's gorgeous... - Mm-hmm.

And like me, she understands mid-century design,

but she's over it.

Well, a burrito toast to that.

[evil laughter]

Citizens of Charm City...

- [groans] - You know what you should add

to your bucket list?

Sky diving!

Aah!

My boy!

[heroic music]

♪ ♪

I don't know what to say.

Well, most people go with "thank you."

Then I'm gonna say "thanks" because I'm not most people.

[chuckles]

[whooshes]

Oh, my God. We met Green Fury!

I guess we know what you're talking about

over dinner with Hannah tonight.

- [giggles] - Who?

[epic music]

♪ ♪

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --

Uh, excuse me? Do you validate the parking?

Oh, no, that's not me.

I'm actually the Senior Vice President

of Research and Development.

Oh, but you sit at the receptionist's desk?

No, no, no, no.

That's the receptionist's desk.

This is the Senior Vice President's desk.

I'll just get you the stickers.

I swear to God, if you do this,

I will send my lawyer to your house

to shave your head in your sleep!

This is not a bluff, Mother!

[exhales] Emily, have your parents ever done

that thing where they turn your childhood bedroom

into a second butler's pantry?

No.

They kept me and my sister's room the same.

- Bunk beds and all. - Bunk beds?

Were you raised in a prison?

Van, did you know I'm the only Senior Vice President

in this building who doesn't have a real office?

Emily, you thrive in the cubicles.

You're like a tropical fish that lives in the coral reef,

but if you took that fish out,

and gave it its own office...

- it would die. - What?

- Fish need water. - Van, it's hard enough

getting people to take me seriously

when they think I'm the person who validates their parking.

I think at your age being entrusted with

parking stickers speaks to your character.

I know an office doesn't really mean anything,

but to me it's a symbol of how hard I've worked

to get here.

It's like the pride a butler feels

when he gets a second pantry.

- Oh, they love that. - Yeah.

Emily, nothing would make me happier

than to give you your own office...

But...?

- No buts. - Oh.

However, there's no space,

so... no can do. [chuckles]

Swim away, little fish. Seriously, get out.

Look, do I like Hannah? Yes.

But there's just something special about Green Fury.

Sure, she could fly and shoot fire out of her hands...

- Yeah. - But you said Hannah

could quote any "Seinfeld" episode.

Now that's special.

[chuckles] "Seinfeld."

So underrated.

[quirky music]

Okay, it doesn't matter

because super heroes don't date regular people.

- What about Lois Lane? - She won a Pulitzer.

You write satirical Yelp reviews.

- As a hobby. - This is silly.

You're never even gonna see Green Fury again.

I mean, unless you fall off

- another balcony. - [laughs]

Or she can't stop thinking about me, either,

and she's trying to find me.

- Huh. - Uh...

♪ ♪

I would go balcony.

[giggles]

♪ ♪

- Jackie! - [clangs]

Yeah, I was upset when Mother sent me

my childhood toys, but I am really enjoying

this trip down memory lane.

It seems like just yesterday that I was playing with

- My Little Pony. - Aww, my daughter loves hers.

- Won't put it down. - I put mine down.

Horse cancer.

Your meeting with Emily is about to start.

She wanted to do it in her new office.

Emily doesn't have an office.

Remember that room you had sealed off

because you found a spider?

She opened Hell's Gate?

She said that she had a meeting

with a couple execs from the Gotham office

and needed a space.

My, my, my.

You see what she's doing here?

No, but I'm very excited

to hear what you think she's doing.

She's trying to cut out the middle Van.

First it's the office.

Second, she's setting up meetings

with corporate without me.

The next thing you know, she's gonna be the one

high-fiving Bruce Wayne in a threesome.

Well, I am going to put an end to this.

[exhales sharply]

I can't believe I have my own office.

I have been dreaming about this ever since I was a little girl.

Wow, so you've been this boring your whole life?

Oh! Take a picture of me to send to my family.

Ooh, okay.

Oh. No, that's...

That's not what I me... Okay.

[camera shutter clicks]

Is that photo for your mug shot?

Because I'm looking at a criminal.

How did you get this office?

You said there was no space, so I went to HR

and they said I could have this office

if I cleared out the spiders.

Which you did, right? I mean, there are no longer...

spiders in here?

Look, HR was mistaken. If you had talked to me,

you would know that I have huge plans...

to turn this into...

- a storage room. - Are you kidding me?

You have till the end of the day

to get back into your work pen.

Tarantula!

God! They jump at your face...

and... [whimpers]

You know, it's not often you see such a modest dream

crushed so quickly.

Ooh, say "cubicle."

[camera shutter clicks]

He really thinks he can take my office from me

and I'm just gonna sit here and watch it go down?

That's literally what's happening right now.

If you're surprised by that, you clearly don't understand

the teetering house of cards that is Van's ego.

This is a man who won't let anybody see him sneeze

because he thinks it's a sign of weakness.

He won't even kiss me because he says

it's against company policy. What a pussy.

If I could give you just one piece of advice.

Don't just march in there and... She's gone.

[dramatic upbeat music]

[gasps] Another outstanding shot, sir!

Thank you for your vanilla commentary, Steve,

but the only reason you are here is to walk

the arrows back... oh! Snag me another Ring Pop.

This one's down to the bone.

Van, I want my office back.

Emily, once a space opens up,

I'll be happy to give it to you,

but now, I'm in the middle of something...

very important.

Ooh! Better luck next time, sir.

That is where I was aiming, you dote!

Oh, Green Arrow Darts.

I used to have this game as a kid.

- You any good? - I haven't lost a match

- in my life. - Well, neither have I.

- I wonder who's better. - [gasps]

You know what, Emily, once you throw down

that gauntlet, it can not be unthrown.

I don't want to unthrow it.

- Good, 'cause you can't. - Good.

- Good. - Good.

Steve, what the hell, man?

- Pick your moments! - I'll tell you what.

Why don't we play tomorrow during lunch?

If I win, your "storage room"

goes back to being my office.

- Ha! Steve! - Ha!

If you win, you can turn it into

a unicorn stable for all I care

because that's a fairytale! Ha! Ha!

Oh, snap! It is on!

Hey, Teddy.

What you up to, buddy?

[screams] What wizard did this to you?

Pretty convincing, huh?

[laughs] Now I just gotta

set this trap, dig a snare, and reel in the bait.

I don't know anything about hunting.

Oh, Teddy, is it possible that you've

built up this encounter because a beautiful woman

literally came out of the clouds and saved your life?

Nah, she's into me, dude.

All right. [grunts]

[grunting]

- [screams] - [crowd screaming]

[heroic music]

♪ ♪

Careful, citizen.

The Olympian might not be there next time.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Uh, you seem disappointed.

No, no, no, yeah, I'm alive, man.

That's great. Awesome, thanks, man.

Thanks. Thank you.

Dick.

Put down that tiny bow!

- You cannot beat Van. - Oh, no, I can.

I am pretty good.

Well, let me rephrase. You ought not beat Van.

Why? He took my office from me.

She's dreamt about that since she was

a really boring child.

Look, honey, we all think you deserve that office.

But there's something bigger at stake here.

I think there's something you need to see.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Employee of the Month?

I didn't even know we had this room.

Oh, it's one of the many things we keep from you.

Like the secret bathroom on the sales floor

that's always empty and... does not exist.

- I don't know why I said that. - Mmn-hmm.

We make sure Van wins every month

because there was one time he didn't.

♪ ♪

Recognize this lady?

- No. - Exactly.

[cheers and applause]

Kate won her first month here.

So, when Van caught her taking a "company croissant"

from a staff meeting home with her...

He fired her on the spot.

And after he demanded a "recount,"

it turned out Van actually won.

I don't know. [chuckles]

[light applause]

Yeah!

♪ ♪

Whoo!

[chuckling]

So you guys give him this every month

just to stroke his ego?

Oh, no, no, no. We do it to survive.

If you beat Van, it won't just be bad for you,

it will be bad for all of us.

Which is why you're going to throw this game.

[sighs] Fine.

Van's ready to destroy you.

Do you enjoy being his little bitch?

[scoffs] It's called a squire, Emily.

♪ ♪

[sighs] Van!

Are we gonna do this or what?

[electricity powers down, exciting music playing]

And now... please welcome

the one, the only...

Vanderveer "Bring the Pain"

Wayne Junior!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

Wa-bow!

I hope you said good-bye to your loved ones

because I'm gonna skin you alive

and wear you to your own funeral.

- [laughter] - [grunts]

All I can do is try my best and hope for a positive outcome.

Where did you learn to trash talk?

At the puppies... and rainbows school...

- for sunshine? - [laughter]

Boom.

[dramatic music]

- Oh! Boom! - [cheers and applause]

- Yes! Yes! Yes! - Whoo!

Van.

[sighs] Missed again.

Dang.

Great shot!

Not.

[laughs]

- Boom! - [cheers and applause]

Hey, Emily, could you run and get me

eight hours worth of parking stickers

'cause I could do this all day!

[laughs]

♪ ♪

all: Ooh.

Looks like I just needed to get a little warmed up.

♪ Right on, right on target ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Callin' the shots, winning the game ♪

♪ Beating your boss, you're getting carried away ♪

- [groans] - ♪ It's okay to miss ♪

♪ A time or two ♪

♪ Just take it easy ♪

♪ Someone should probably stop her now ♪

- ♪ Oh, no ♪ - ♪ If you don't we're... ♪

Time out!

[tense music]

What are you doing?

You fed this monster's ego for far too long.

I'm giving him a dose of reality.

- Look at him. - You are the greatest.

- I know that. - You are the strongest.

- I am aware. - You are the fastest.

- Yes! - Does that look like a man

who wants to face reality?

Excellent bone structure.

- This is good, too, the lats. - Oh, yeah.

- Really good... - Keep it above the waist.

- Above the waist. - When I get this...

And I will... I get my office back.

[all exclaim]

Huh?

In your face!

♪ ♪

[screams] Oh, yes!

[cheers and applause]

I am a god! I am a god!

[cheers and applause]

[sighs]

Is there something different about the office today?

Yeah. Why am I so, like...

comfortable?

We got new chairs!

Hey!

[elevator bell dings]

- Thanks, Van. - Take it easy.

Good morning!

♪ What a beautiful day but scones'll make it better ♪

- Oh! - ♪ Wouldn't you say ♪

♪ You can say thank you if you will... ♪

Hey... grab one.

Bear claw, good choice, Rebecca.

That's right, I learned your name.

- I learned everybody's names. - [sighs]

- Emily... - [chuckles]

I've been thinking.

Even though you lost the match

and the office is mine to do with whatever I want,

I'm going to give it to you anyway.

Because that's the kind of guy I am.

Did you hear that, gang?

I love you, Van.

[clicks tongue]

Kay, Lee, Malcolm,

Zoey, Simon...

Puffy Haired guy.

Look at that.

Now normally we just roll over and he leaves us alone,

but I guess the real trick is to put up a fight

but ultimately let him humiliate you.

Okay, first of all, I wasn't even trying until halfway.

We all got what we wanted here.

He got a win, you got the office,

and I don't have to make his coffee,

he's doing it himself.

[quirky music]

Well... he's trying.

Anyway, the point is, you got what you wanted,

so who cares how it happened?

♪ ♪

[coughs]

How do you guys drink this stuff?

[light clicks on]

Are you sure you should be shining a 20,000-watt light

into the night sky?

Uh, ever heard of the Bat Signal?

It's actually kind of a genius plan.

She's gonna see her trademark GF Flame in the sky,

zip on down, next thing you know,

she's wearing me like a backpack and we're halfway to Tokyo

for some Wagyu beef.

Well, this is certainly a good story to tell

the woman you actually end up marrying.

Okay, speaking of picking up on signals,

I'm sending a pretty clear one for you to beat it, Ron.

Wait...

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Oh, shoot.

[dramatic music]

My baby, my baby, my baby, my baby, my baby.

♪ ♪

Aah!

You know what? Maybe I should call Hannah.

Yeah. Get her some flowers.

[solemn music]

Nice.

[groans]

Hey, does this look straight to you?

Van, I want a rematch.

No, he won fair and square.

- Come on. - No!

Emily, all a rematch would do is rob you

of what is clearly a much needed lesson

in how to lose with a little class.

Oh, and you're going to teach it to me?

Oh, no, of course not.

I've never lost at anything.

The closest I've come to failure is when I spelled it

to win the regional Spelling Bee.

Oh. [clears throat]

Failure. F-A-L-U-R-E.

Failure.

That's right, Emily! That's how it's spelled!

Emily, don't feel bad. There is a long list

of some very talented people who have fallen

at the feet of Vanderveer Wayne.

You beat Dr. Dre in a rap battle?

He had me on my heels until I hit 'em with...

"Dr. Dre, man, you gay."

You gotta remember, this was the '90s

and that kind of casual homophobia was commonplace.

[quirky music]

Oh, "Best Bod, Daytona Beach 1998?"

What is...

"Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Champion."

- The same year? - Delish.

Oh, my God. How deep does this go?

Somebody pull the fire alarm!

People have been letting you win your whole life

so you would never have to experience F-A-I-L-U-R-E

What is that? The French spelling?

Your family and everyone in your life

have been going to insane lengths

to make you think you're a winner.

- That is not true! - Oh, yeah?

Ask Jackie whether or not you've really been

Employee of the Month for the past four straight years.

- [exhales sharply] - Oh, but I guess I'm not

telling you anything you didn't already know,

because you were "Most Perceptive Baby of 1971."

Get out. [clears throat]

Get out!

Both of you. Get out!

God...

Was that even you, Dr. Dre?

Are you even a doctor?

[somber music]

He hasn't moved all morning.

It's like watching an iguana.

[sneezes]

- Ew. - Well, you broke him, Emily.

That's not the way a man who wants to live sneezes.

Trust me, this is better for everybody in the long run.

We can't keep tip-toeing around his ego.

His ego? You're the one who eviscerated

a grown man because you couldn't handle losing a kids game.

Okay, it's possible I don't like losing,

but it was more about the principle.

That you deserved your own office.

- Yes. - Which he had already given

to you before you did that to him.

Crap.

[lively music]

It's really great to see you, Hannah.

I'm so glad I figured out that snafu

where my phone was dropping calls and couldn't send texts.

I'm assuming you fixed it by switching it off B.S. mode?

You're lucky you're cute.

[gasps]

- [electricity zaps] - Whoa!

[heroic music]

[groaning]

Ow! [groans]

Oh, I just peed a little.

I believe this is yours.

Oh, hey, you're the guy from the balcony.

[giggles]

You guys out on a date?

No.

You look great.

It kinda looks like you're out on a date.

[quirky music]

- Hey. - Cool.

- Cool. - I'm gonna...

Great.

♪ ♪

Hey, boss.

How we feeling?

You were right. There is an "I" in "failure"

and it's I.

Me. Uh... me... my... I don't...

I can't even grammar properly!

It's all a lie!

Was I actually prom king and did my date really like me

or was she just another flunky on the Wayne payroll?

Oh, well, she seems... nice.

- Who is this fella? - Oh, that's her uncle,

Silky Valentine. He was our chaperone.

Oh, my God.

She was a who...

No one has ever loved me!

Okay, that's not true.

Your parents put an obscene amount of time and effort

into making sure you never experienced even one moment

of disappointment.

They must've really cared about you.

You know, you haven't lost at everything.

You did beat me at the Green Arrow game

all by yourself.

That's right... I did.

See? There you go.

I destroyed you!

- It was very close. - Eh.

[sighs] Look, we don't need to be squaring off like this.

We are on the same team, and if we both refuse to lose,

then we can accomplish great things.

You're right, I-I don't need to be threatened

by your wins, 'cause your wins are my wins.

And your losses, I can just blame on you.

- That's not exactly... - Emily!

I am back! [laughs]

Now get out of my office 'cause I'm about to sneeze.

- Oh. - I'm gonna sneeze.

Get out!

[inhales sharply]

Oh, good, it's gone.

[trumpets, coughs]

That wasn't that bad.

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --