Original subtitles

[theme song playing]

- ? We're tiny ? - ? We're toony ?

? We're learning to be looney ?

? And we'll be famous sooney At the college of our dreams ?

? We got our admissions ?

? Important for tuitions ?

? Fulfilling our ambitions With our faculty esteemed ?

? At Acme Looniversity We'll earn our toon degree ?

? The teaching staff's Been getting laughs ?

? Since 1933 ?

- ? We're classmates ? - ? And roommates ?

? We paid The out-of-state bills ?

? Let's grab the books and go Class is about to start ?

? They're furry They're funny ?

? We're Babs and Buster Bunny ?

? Their comedy is funny ?

? And their friendship's Guaranteed ?

? Hamton is worried And Sweetie's a tough birdie ?

? And if you're lucky Plucky is the perfect... ?

Frenemy!

? So here's where The greatest toons ?

? All got their humble start ?

? There's quite A lot of history ?

? For teaching looney arts ?

? We're tiny, we're toony We can't wait to be looney ?

? Ring the bell Let's all come in And join the fun ?

[bell rings]

? And now class has begun ?

[jolly music playing]

[both] Today's the day we're gonna find out!

Today's the day we're gonna find out!

- [Plucky grunts] - [excited, giddy noises]

What's wrong with you two?

[clears throat]

As you may have seen,

the results for the aptitoon test are in.

I don't understand why we need to have a test

to tell us what we're destined to do with our lives.

I am very confident about what the future holds for me.

- Eh, self-hatred masked as confidence? - [chuckles]

So funny I forgot to guffaw.

I know it's gonna tell me

I'm destined to be a toon doctor.

I love having my choices reinforced

by official paperwork. [giggles]

Remember, your results are conclusive,

foolproof, and never, ever wrong.

The horror, the betrayal, the outright lies!

I'm destined to be a... [gasps]

...mad scientist?

No, no, no.

Mad scientists toil away alone

with no audience.

They have to be curious about things. [laughs]

I'm only curious about myself.

What do your results say, Hamton? Are they good?

[whimpering]

No, they're the opposite of good.

They're bad!

Ugh. No need to hogsplain what bad is.

It says according to my skills and interests,

I'm not supposed to be a toon doctor.

I'm supposed to be a... [sputters]

...bad guy!

I don't get it.

I don't have a mean bone in my body!

Did you get my thank you card for your thank you card?

Yes!

I was just writing you a thank you card

for your thank you card for my thank you card!

What does yours say?

Something about toon star, I'm sure.

What does it say?

It says, uh... It says, um...

"Side character."

Did you say "side character"? [laughs boisterously]

Second banana? Number two on the call sheet?

Ooh, it's worse than a sidekick.

At least sidekicks are with the hero the whole time.

Pals, buddies,

let's have a little perspective here, okay?

This test is just a bit of fun.

It doesn't mean anything.

[Daffy] In addition to your test,

did I mention you'll be paired with a faculty member

that matches your career path?

And they will be in charge of passing or failing you?

[all grunt]

Okay, better do our best.

[scoffs] I always do the best.

[Babs laughs] Can't believe

Wile E. blew up our classroom this week

with a bucket of water.

He's just that good.

[sighs] Never been happier to have a vacation out of nowhere.

Now this is living!

Babs, you're a genius.

Nothing like a peaceful, restful, relaxing dorm-cation.

[slurping]

- [continues slurping] - [evil laughter]

[coughs, gags]

- [Sweetie screams] - Do you smell that?

Yeah, where is it coming from?

[sniffs]

[sniffs] Not it.

[both sniffing]

[both] Not it.

None of these smells are it.

The smell we're looking for has, uh,

top notes of rotting fungus,

with a sailor's dirty pinky toe finish.

I'm getting hints of hot booger fried in flop sweat.

Do you smell that?

[eerie sounds]

[both] Ew!

[whimpers]

[engine accelerating]

[hard rock music playing]

[dinging]

[engine roaring]

[sneezing]

[screaming] Ah-choo!

[Lil' Sneezer] I'm okay.

[chuckling] Don't use the swing if you don't want that sting.

[tires screeching]

[gulps] A bad guy?

Oh, Mother's gonna be so upset.

I'll have to throw away all my pastel suits!

- Hello, Professor! - [sloshes]

It is I, Plucky,

destined to fulfill my destiny as a mad scientist.

Technically I am here to learn from you,

but what will you learn from me?

Side character. Not a dream I could see anyone wanting.

You're on the side, it's in the name.

[slurps]

[laughs nervously]

What's your question, kid?

Um, what's it like to not be a superstar like Bugs?

Or, I guess, even Daffy?

Some would say your pal Tweety gets more attention than you.

[slurps] Yes.

Y-E-S. Yes.

Buster, you think being second banana is bad?

Yes.

Did you ever wonder what we do

when the big boys are off doing the hard work of being a superstar?

Signing autographs, walking the red carpet, staying in shape?

No.

Side characters are off on adventures!

While the stars are married to schedules, obligations, and autographs,

we're out living our lives!

Oh, that sounds exciting!

It's not exciting,

it's mind-blowing!

Come on, kid.

I'll show you what it's like to be a side character.

[whistles]

[engine revs]

- Let's ride! - [engine roaring]

[engine revs]

[Babs gags]

- [Sweetie] Ah-ha! - [squeals]

Smell this.

Ew!

Rancid, putrid, and disgusting!

What is that?

It was a P, B and J.

Now, it's a P-B and Decay.

[coughs]

[serene music playing]

[both sigh in relief]

- [music stops] - [eerie music plays]

[both] Huh?

[both grunt]

- [muffled gagging] - The smell!

It endures!

[gags]

Thank you so much for meeting with me, Mr. Yosemite.

[laughs nervously]

Anything to get you to stop saying "please."

What do you want?

Uh, well, sir, please,

if it's not too much of a bother,

I've drawn up this 95-bullet point rubric,

and if you wouldn't mind, please, just filling it out.

That would give me a good starting point

to develop my bad guy questionnaire.

Please?

Let's get something straight.

I ain't no bad guy.

[sputtering] You ain't?

No, I'm a gosh darn good guy!

You are?

[laughs cunningly]

That's the first lesson in being a bad guy.

You gotta think you're a good guy.

Let me show you.

- [groans] - Hold on there, hairball.

[chuckles nervously]

My name's Furball.

I don't care if your name's Denise.

What's in the bag?

Uh, my toony taffy?

- [tires screeching] - [laughing boisterously]

You just stole his candy.

Wrong.

I just saved that boy from the dangers of cavities.

[chomps]

'Cause that's what a good guy would do.

So being a bad guy

is really just being a good guy in a threatening way.

Never thought of it like that.

Why do "mad scientists" have to stop there, right?

Why not more descriptors?

Magnificently mad scientists.

Devastatingly handsome mad scientists.

[explosion]

Huh.

No one ever tells you how flattering lab coats are.

[giggles]

[reading]

Asking me not to speak is like asking me not to live,

not to thrive,

not to exist!

I can't fail!

Maria and Ralph will be shamed

out of their intellectual circles!

If it means passing, I will find the strength.

Goodbye, sweet beak.

Smell anything?

[sniffing]

Oh, yeah, it's still here.

And it's worse, maybe?

Ugh!

I don't know what else we can do!

We have to accept this as our new reality!

We live in a stink hut.

- We're no better than the boys! - [gasps]

Don't ever say that.

There's one more possibility.

What?

When's the last time you, you know...

Know what?

Took a bath?

A bath?

What are you insinuating, Babs?

It's just that I noticed from living with you

that, uh, you're not really a bather

or a showerer,

or even a freshen-upper kind of toon.

Are you keeping a spreadsheet of my baths or something?

No!

Yes?

The smell is not coming from me!

We have to be sure.

And there's only one way to be sure.

Oppressive social stigma,

trying to sanitize nature, hates the environment.

[chuckles nervously] This is how it starts!

[Babs] How what starts?

It!

Use soap, please!

[exclaims in frustration]

[motorcycle revving]

[rock music playing]

You think I could do all this if I was a big star?

[laughs] Toons would be stopping us left and right.

[Dean Granny laughing]

[camera clicking]

Please,

I need another autograph.

I ruined the last one.

Thanks.

[sneezes]

[Dean Granny and Buster laughing]

[meows]

[director] Okay, take 475.

Action!

[director] Cut!

From the top.

- In five, four, three, two... - Ugh, I'd kill for a day off.

[laughs]

Working stiffs!

[tire pops]

[rock music playing]

Hi-yah!

[both grunt]

[grunts]

[both exclaim]

Woo-hoo!

- Yeah! - [Dean Granny] Whoo! Rock on!

- [Dean Granny laughs] - [engine accelerating]

Woo-hoo! Side characters for life!

[rock music stops]

[Sweetie grunting]

[whining, groaning]

[gasps, gags]

[gags]

The water is so clean,

and the bottom isn't even slimy!

Soap should be illegal!

Uh, are you okay?

This is a very difficult time for me.

[crying]

- [growling] - [dryer whirrs]

[grunts]

Ooh, this is an exciting, new look.

The angry, pink orb.

Mind your business, skunk.

What's the big deal? It's just a bath.

[gasps]

Oh, no. [sniffs]

- [roaring] - [grunts]

Oh, no. I've made a mistake.

A very big mistake.

[tires screech]

Okay, remember, on the surface,

you might look like a rough, tough meanie,

but in here, you're being good.

[gasps]

Okay, you can do this. [exhales]

Look, Calamity made me a friendship bracelet.

Isn't it sweet?

[yells]

[gasps] Mais, what?

Why would you do this?

If you and Calamity ever stop being friends,

that bracelet will only serve

to remind you of your heartache!

Now get going, ya varmints!

Did I do good?

No...

[sniffling] You did bad.

I've never had a son.

I've never wanted a son,

I don't like sharing bathrooms.

But this moment here,

well, I've never been more proud

of a little toon in my whole dang life.

[gasps] Oh!

Oh, look at my sad, beakless face

unable to truly express myself!

[amusing instrumental music playing]

[chalk clatters]

[music stops]

I'm not learning how to mad scientist,

I'm being relegated to lowly lab assistant!

Time to do things my way.

I did it!

- I've once again fought the soapy abyss... - [winces]

...and I'm standing here to tell you of it!

I am purified!

That's great. Real great. Great news all around.

What's that?

Nothing.

Doesn't smell like nothing.

Smells like a root rot stew.

Like an old fish shoe.

As a matter of fact,

it smells like all of that at once.

That's so interesting! I don't smell anything!

[gasps]

Oh, really?

Then it won't bother you if I do this!

[breath shudders]

Okay, get it away from me!

[hyperventilating]

[dinging]

[coughs]

[hyperventilating]

You got a lot of explaining to do, bunny.

Okay, fine!

The smell is my fault!

It's one of my Brother Bubba's homemade mushroom soups.

He gave it to me before I went back to school!

We've been back at school for months!

No, Sweetie...

before I went back to middle school.

[retches]

Are you mad?

What do you think?

My best friend made me take a bath for no reason.

If it makes you feel any better,

you smell like eucalyptus.

Yeah, it does kind of make me feel better.

- [engine accelerating] - [hard rock music playing]

Stop playing soccer!

It'll never catch on in these here parts. [giggles]

[laughs] That's my boy!

[hard rock music stops]

[slow instrumental music playing]

[music stops]

No music!

It'll give you unrealistic expectations about love!

You took the being bad like dirt on a rock. [laughs]

Yes, you did.

You're gonna do so darn good on your report.

[tires screech]

Uh, everything okay, Hamton?

That mustache.

[trimmer buzzing]

It's unhygienic!

[screams] My mustache!

My man-sculinity!

[bawling]

Oh, why?

You're too good at being so bad!

[bawling]

[sputtering] Oh, dear.

- I'm sorry! - [bawling]

I call this Plucky's theory of everything.

A body remains at rest unless acted upon by a Plucky.

When a body is acted upon by a Plucky, stuff happens.

If two Pluckys exert forces on each other...

That's impossible,

because there's only one Plucky!

I might be the best mad scientist ever!

[Disaster Beam charging up]

[Disaster Beam firing]

[Disaster Beam fires]

My work here is done.

[both slurping]

Ah, so relaxing.

The best.

[gulps]

Remember when you thought I was the stinky one,

but really you turned out to be the stinky one?

- Yes. - [laughing]

That was hilarious!

[groans softly]

Wait, what's that smell?

What? Oh, no!

[sniffing] Smells like...

- [sniffing] Smells like... - [whimpering]

...justice!

I've done it.

I've become a successful bad guy!

[sobbing]

Me again.

Buster Bunny, pass.

Plucky Duck, pass.

Hamton J. Pig...

Woo-hoo! Pass too, eh?

Very good, well done.

Hope you all learned some lessons about who you are

and what you are destined to be.

- I sure did. - [voice shaking] Uh-huh.

Well, forget all of it! The assignment is canceled.

The aptitoon test may be foolproof,

but my organization skills are not.

Looks like I mixed up the tests and gave everyone the wrong results.

Oopsie, your tests mean nothing.

What?

Are you telling me an avenue for toons to shower me with adoration

has been ripped away from me?

I disagree, Professor.

I think these tests do mean something.

[Daffy] Oh, you do, do you?

I learned a lot from Dean Granny.

I always thought that being a star

was the only way I could get satisfaction out of a toon career,

but I see now that being a side character

has lots of great aspects I never even considered.

And I learned I'm great at everything.

[chuckles] Especially science.

And I got to find a side of me

that's the meanest, rootin' tootin' bad guy this darn place ever did see.

[inhales deeply] But sweet baby piggy,

am I relieved that the tests were wrong!

Oh, well, good.

Then I guess it wasn't a mistake.

It was what they call a blessing in sheep's clothing.

Should we tell him that's not the phrase?

I think the best thing is to say nothing.

Just smile and nod.

[all] Mm-hm.

[theme music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0