Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,030
Are we shocked that
we're in the Top 10
2
00:00:08,070 --> 00:00:09,170
of new and
noteworthy podcasts?
3
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,440
No. I came up with a winning
formula for Kris and I.
4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:12,710
We both did.
We're-we're both professionals.
5
00:00:12,740 --> 00:00:14,040
I just love your show.
6
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,240
And Julie,
7
00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:17,640
I think the way you choose
the women that you interview
8
00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:18,980
is just great.
9
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,310
Thank you.
10
00:00:20,450 --> 00:00:24,980
Kris, your glow ups are a cross between makeup tutorials
11
00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:26,790
and therapy sessions.
12
00:00:26,790 --> 00:00:31,090
The one word I would use to describe them is "charming".
13
00:00:31,090 --> 00:00:32,360
And-and intelligent.
14
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,860
I just can't wait to see where
Glow Up with Kris goes next.
15
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,530
I know I'll be listening,
and so will all my audience.
16
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,070
And we're good.
17
00:00:42,070 --> 00:00:43,670
Oh my gosh.
18
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,170
Oh my gosh.
19
00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:46,540
Thank you so much, Jeanne.
20
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,410
What an honour to be
interviewed by you.
21
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:49,910
I am losing my mind.
22
00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:51,040
Really, I can't breathe.
23
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:53,010
Look at me,
I can't breathe.
24
00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:54,420
You're just like
a fashion icon.
25
00:00:54,550 --> 00:00:56,080
Can I just ask you one question?
26
00:00:56,150 --> 00:00:57,680
You know that episode
with Ralph Lauren
27
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:59,020
when you're backstage?
28
00:00:59,090 --> 00:01:00,620
I'm pretty sure that he
was in love with you.
29
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:01,820
Oh my God.
30
00:01:01,890 --> 00:01:03,760
I totally got that vibe too.
31
00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:04,860
I knew it.
32
00:01:04,990 --> 00:01:06,430
You know what I love
about you, Kris?
33
00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:09,230
You really connect
with your guests.
34
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,330
You manage to
make everybody feel
35
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,970
as though they're
your best friend.
36
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,370
I'm dead. I'm dead.
37
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:16,700
You frigging killed
me, Jeanne Beker.
38
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,770
I told you,
it's your superpower.
39
00:01:18,810 --> 00:01:20,570
Would you mind
if I hugged you?
40
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,380
Mm, She gives the best hugs.
41
00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:26,550
Doesn't she?
42
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,250
Yeah I guess, if you
like that type of thing.
43
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,150
♪ I feel it all, I feel it all ♪
44
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,860
♪ I feel it all ♪
45
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:36,390
Can't talk right now.
Can't talk.
46
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,190
I'm just texting with
my friend Jeanne.
47
00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:39,460
Jeanne who?
48
00:01:39,460 --> 00:01:40,530
Jeanne Beker.
49
00:01:40,530 --> 00:01:41,860
Yes, you were right.
50
00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:44,200
Aubergine is
my colour.
51
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,270
Aubergine is a fancy
word for eggplant.
52
00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:47,870
Now you can't say
eggplant anymore
53
00:01:47,870 --> 00:01:49,600
'cause millennials
turned it into penis.
54
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,440
Millennials can turn
anything into a penis.
55
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:53,640
Calm down everyone.
56
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:54,610
Oh my God,
57
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:55,680
you guys need
to calm down.
58
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:56,680
I'm just texting
my friend.
59
00:01:56,710 --> 00:01:57,810
Yeah, it's
Jeanne Beker.
60
00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:58,850
Who is she?
Are you kidding me?
61
00:01:58,850 --> 00:02:00,110
Did you really
ask me that?
62
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:02,420
She is a worldwide icon.
63
00:02:02,550 --> 00:02:04,480
Nobody puts
Jeanne Beker
64
00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:06,220
in a corner, okay?
65
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,220
Jamila?
66
00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:08,160
Don't you have
work to do?
67
00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:09,360
'Cause I know
this ain't it.
68
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:10,990
This is it.
69
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:13,290
Friendships. Fun.
70
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,030
Emotions. Connections.
71
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,030
I'm gonna show ya.
Here I come.
72
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,160
Here I come.
73
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,830
♪ You're gonna love what
I've got to offer ♪
74
00:02:18,970 --> 00:02:20,500
And here it is.
75
00:02:21,970 --> 00:02:23,100
You wanna hug me back?
No problem.
76
00:02:23,170 --> 00:02:24,970
I know you feel it
'cause Jeanne did.
77
00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:31,750
Hmm.
78
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,720
Hmm.
79
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,670
Hey, are you and Kris
using studio one?
80
00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:53,870
We need to
record a promo.
81
00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:55,130
No. Something reeks in here.
82
00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:56,640
Can you smell it?
- Full disclosure?
83
00:02:56,770 --> 00:02:58,140
COVID killed my
sense of smell.
84
00:02:58,170 --> 00:02:59,140
Hasn't come
back yet.
85
00:02:59,270 --> 00:03:00,740
That sucks but in this
situation, you win.
86
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,640
Sick. I'm gonna
take that W. Heh.
87
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,830
Oh my God, that is
like onions and burning.
88
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:28,900
Ugh.
89
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:30,640
A hockey bag and death.
90
00:03:32,540 --> 00:03:34,910
Oh, Robyn, could you
come in here please?
91
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,140
Robyn? Robyn!
92
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:41,950
ROBYN!!!!
93
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,020
BYYYNNN!!!
94
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,260
Hey, can you hear me?
95
00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:51,920
Yes. Can you hear me?
96
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,130
Why can't Robyn hear me?
97
00:03:53,260 --> 00:03:54,530
Funny story.
98
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,300
You know when the Beatles were
recording their Abby Road album-
99
00:03:56,430 --> 00:03:57,730
Get on with it.
I just, I can't.
100
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,670
Right. Um, before they
renovated all of this,
101
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,600
your office was a
podcast studio,
102
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:05,140
so it's pretty much
a vortex for sound.
103
00:04:05,170 --> 00:04:06,870
It's kind of where ambient
noise goes to die.
104
00:04:06,940 --> 00:04:08,710
Okay, so that's why when
I call people's names,
105
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:09,740
they don't respond?
106
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,740
Yeah, your office
is like space.
107
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:13,350
No one can hear you scream.
108
00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:15,250
What's the best office
to yell at people from?
109
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,950
Um, Julie's.
110
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:20,390
It's like an amphitheatre
for yelling, big size.
111
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,700
I'm Jeanne Beker and the stars are out tonight.
112
00:04:30,830 --> 00:04:34,700
I'm on the red carpet and the gala is in full swing.
113
00:04:34,770 --> 00:04:38,710
Each year people flock to the city of love, beauty, and art.
114
00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:49,650
Let me tell you something
about the power of friendship.
115
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:50,920
Okay?
116
00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:52,990
Before Jeanne, I was nervous
for this doctor's appointment.
117
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:56,360
And now I am excited to
talk about intense cramping,
118
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,060
being wildly horny.
119
00:04:58,060 --> 00:05:00,060
Ai-yai-yai-yai-yai-yai-yai!
120
00:05:00,060 --> 00:05:01,930
And heavy bleeding.
121
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,000
Well, if you wanna
talk about blood,
122
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,600
I am so here for it.
123
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,330
My next episode is
on exsanguination.
124
00:05:06,470 --> 00:05:08,070
It's when all the blood
is drained from the body.
125
00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:12,810
Oh.
126
00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,410
I'm pretty sure I have that.
127
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:21,820
I'm taking your office.
128
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,380
And a gracious good
morning to you too.
129
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:24,450
What are you talking about?
130
00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:25,420
Acoustics.
131
00:05:25,490 --> 00:05:27,350
That didn't answer my
question in any way.
132
00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:28,490
Hello, hello, hello.
133
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:29,490
Hi everyone.
134
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:32,360
Do you notice anything
different about me?
135
00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:34,690
You're dressed like
a giant dick emoji?
136
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:37,630
I am sure that you've heard
about our amazing interview.
137
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:38,970
With who? I'm gonna tell you who.
138
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,430
Jeanne Goddamn Beker.
139
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:41,640
That's right.
140
00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:43,370
And we are delivering,
as promised,
141
00:05:43,370 --> 00:05:46,970
a hit show according
to Jeanne's fans.
142
00:05:47,010 --> 00:05:48,840
And she has tons so guess what we're gonna do?
143
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,480
We're gonna bring it in
for group hug celebration.
144
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:51,910
Gimme your hands, bring it in.
- Oh, yeah, no.
145
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:53,010
Hold my hands.
Don't think about it. Go.
146
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,010
- No touching.
- We love each other.
147
00:05:54,150 --> 00:05:55,380
Whoa. Okay, just-
148
00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:56,920
No, we don't love each other
because Evan just announced
149
00:05:56,950 --> 00:05:58,520
he's stealing my office.
150
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,220
Well we're having a little
discussion about it.
151
00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:01,390
No discussion.
You came in here
152
00:06:01,460 --> 00:06:02,590
and told me you
were taking office.
153
00:06:02,660 --> 00:06:04,790
It's called an
executive decision, Julie.
154
00:06:04,830 --> 00:06:06,260
More like an
executive theft, Evan,
155
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:07,760
You can call it
whatever you want
156
00:06:07,830 --> 00:06:09,600
because it is happening.
157
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,400
This isn't over, scooter.
158
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,630
I heard that.
159
00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:16,340
Wonderful acoustics.
160
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,840
I heard it too.
161
00:06:19,340 --> 00:06:20,440
Same.
162
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,380
First he takes my job,
163
00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:22,780
now he's gonna
take my office?
164
00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:24,110
At least you got an office.
165
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,880
I gotta leave my stuff all
over your shitty black couch.
166
00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:27,410
He will not win.
I will find a way.
167
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:28,420
I will beat him.
168
00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:29,320
Honey, guess what?
169
00:06:29,450 --> 00:06:30,820
You need one of these. Uh uh.
- No.
170
00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:32,090
Yeah, you do.
- No, I never need one.
171
00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:33,220
Shh. Don't think about it.
Don't think about it.
172
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,420
Don't think about it.
And oh, mm, Lord above,
173
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:36,820
is that you or is
that your office?
174
00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:38,690
No, it's me. It's my-
- Holy. I can barely...
175
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:40,360
Oh my God, it's like
poison. I could...
176
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,560
I am aware.
177
00:06:44,430 --> 00:06:45,830
♪ Ooh, that smell ♪
178
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:50,740
♪ Can't you smell that smell? ♪
179
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:52,540
Ooh, lemony.
That'll be nice.
180
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:53,910
Oh!
181
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:55,510
Okay. No.
182
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:56,940
Hand sanitizer.
183
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,510
♪ The smell of death surrounds you ♪
184
00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:00,250
Oh, that made it
stronger somehow.
185
00:07:00,380 --> 00:07:01,880
All right, air freshner.
186
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,250
Oh! That was a terrible idea.
187
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:06,790
Ah! Ah!
188
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,590
The ocean breeze,
flowers.
189
00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:12,760
Death. Fuck!
190
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:16,460
♪ The smell of death surrounds you ♪
191
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,470
Of course it's menopause.
192
00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:24,470
Why wouldn't it be?
193
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:25,470
I feel like garbage,
194
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:27,470
why shouldn't I smell
like garbage too?
195
00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:29,340
It's perfect.
196
00:07:29,380 --> 00:07:30,610
Oh my gosh,
I can smell it.
197
00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:32,550
Oh, it's wonderful.
198
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:34,810
Oh, thank you.
Oh, it smells awful.
199
00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:36,750
No, not only do I smell
like a water buffalo,
200
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,080
but Evan is
stealing my office.
201
00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:39,890
Can he do that? What's
it say in the handbook?
202
00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:41,250
There's a handbook?
203
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,560
Yeah. How do you think I'm
allowed to have smoke breaks?
204
00:07:42,690 --> 00:07:43,660
You don't smoke.
205
00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:45,230
You don't have to.
It says so in the handbook.
206
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:46,690
Huh.
- I'm gonna smell everything.
207
00:07:46,830 --> 00:07:48,160
Oh, this is amazing.
208
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,130
A whole new world!
209
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,530
Wash your hands?
210
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,770
Is this gonna take long
'cause I have to get to work.
211
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,910
You can't put a clock
on human bonding.
212
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,440
Jeanne Machine told me that.
213
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,440
Do you know where I can find
a copy of the office handbook?
214
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:04,740
I haven't seen
that thing in years.
215
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:05,950
Maybe Mo has it.
216
00:08:05,950 --> 00:08:07,380
Of course.
He's obsessed with rules.
217
00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:08,850
By the way,
218
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:12,350
Kris asked me to look into
booking Ripley's Aquarium?
219
00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:14,750
She wants to do an episode
in the stingray tank.
220
00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:15,990
What?
221
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,560
Apparently Jeanne Beker told
her that the water was only
222
00:08:18,690 --> 00:08:19,590
knee-high in the tank,
223
00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:21,660
and now Kris won't let it go.
224
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,000
And she says she wants to-
225
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,070
Let me guess.
Do a wet look glow up?
226
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,000
Yep. She wants to
hug a stingray.
227
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,870
Kris is outta control.
228
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:30,940
Thank you.
229
00:08:36,510 --> 00:08:38,210
Can I speak to you for a
moment in my office, please?
230
00:08:38,210 --> 00:08:39,880
We're all friends here.
Hold my hands.
231
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,650
We don't have time. Just hurry up.
232
00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:43,620
What's up, Julesey-Boolzey?
233
00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:47,290
You cannot book a stingray
tank without consulting me.
234
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:50,690
The thing is, honey bear,
235
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:52,630
you don't understand
about aquatic creatures,
236
00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:54,360
or true emotional connection.
237
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,430
When you have the quality
238
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:56,960
of being "everybody's
best friend",
239
00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:58,160
which you don't,
240
00:08:58,170 --> 00:08:59,370
and I have 'cause
Jeanne said so,
241
00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:01,700
I am able to make
these decisions.
242
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:02,700
It's good for the show.
243
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:03,840
I need to go,
244
00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:05,370
someone over there
needs to be touched.
245
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,010
Mo, I need you to
solve two problems for me
246
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,150
that should have been
solved a long time ago.
247
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,220
And you can't say no.
248
00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:16,320
Let's just take
a deep breath-
249
00:09:16,450 --> 00:09:17,580
Nope. Zero breaths
left to give.
250
00:09:17,650 --> 00:09:18,750
Do you have an
office handbook?
251
00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,550
Hmm? Do I have an
office handbook?
252
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:24,220
Yeah, I think I do.
253
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,730
Great. That's
problem number one.
254
00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:27,130
Problem number two.
255
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,600
Oh, that's not good.
256
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:30,730
Jeanne Beker has
created a monster
257
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,400
and it is affecting
our work environment,
258
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,600
which is why I need you to
go and tell Kris to stop.
259
00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:35,770
And while you're at
it can you ask her
260
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:37,000
not to hug me so much?
261
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:38,810
Don't ya think that might
be better coming from you?
262
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,810
You know, I don't think
I'm the guy for the job.
263
00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:41,870
You're HR.
264
00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:43,710
You're literally
the guy for the job.
265
00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:46,010
Errr...
266
00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:49,620
Oh my God.
267
00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,280
What?
- You like Kris.
268
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:52,820
What?!
269
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:55,220
What? What? Yeah, okay, I do.
270
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,560
I, I, I, I like her,
271
00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,020
but I don't like, like her, like her.
272
00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,130
I like all kinds of things.
273
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,090
I like you. I like,
I like these things.
274
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,900
I like, I like garlic bread.
275
00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:04,500
Right? I mean...
276
00:10:05,930 --> 00:10:08,170
I think HR doth
protest too much.
277
00:10:08,170 --> 00:10:10,900
Well, good luck getting
this office in line.
278
00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:14,140
Okay.
279
00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:15,140
Attention everyone.
280
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:16,980
Mandatory meeting
this afternoon
281
00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:20,510
to discuss proper
office behaviour.
282
00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:23,520
Someone's in trouble...
283
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,450
Just take it.
284
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,920
Closed throats
make good teams.
285
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,460
That's it.
286
00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:33,660
HR meeting, eh?
287
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,000
Yeah, it's not a good sign.
288
00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:36,060
What do you think it's about?
289
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,400
I have my suspicions.
290
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,740
Lizzie Borden
loves yogurt, doesn't she?
291
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:47,010
It's definitely not about me.
292
00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:48,270
I feel bad for whoever
it is about though,
293
00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:50,340
because that is
not great for them.
294
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:57,550
Sound man!
295
00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:00,890
I need all of these
signed by end of day.
296
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,490
I'm off to my Pilates class,
297
00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:04,960
tell everyone I'm in a
meeting for the next hour.
298
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:08,030
Find a nice, comfortable place to sit
299
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,230
away from all the distractions of your day.
300
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,300
Hey, is this
meeting about me?
301
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:16,940
No.
- Cool. Carry on.
302
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:21,910
There's nothing in
this manual to help me.
303
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:24,580
Oh God.
304
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,310
The smell's getting worse. Ugh.
305
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,380
Hey, I need you outta
here by tomorrow.
306
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,320
My designer needs a
day to prep the walls,
307
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:32,490
move in the new furniture.
308
00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:33,750
You're gonna have to desk hop
309
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,390
until they move everything outta my office.
310
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,690
Okay.
311
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:53,670
♪ Ooh that smell ♪
312
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:57,840
♪ Can't you smell that smell? ♪
313
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,980
♪ Ooh that smell ♪
314
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:08,350
Hey Julie, what's going on?
315
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,360
Leaving a little
housewarming gift for Evan.
316
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,290
There's nothing
in the handbook,
317
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:14,160
so I'm helping myself.
318
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:15,690
Good.
- Yeah.
319
00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:17,460
Okay.
320
00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:19,770
Hmm.
321
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:22,770
I know who the seminar is for.
322
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:23,970
You do? Who told you?
323
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:24,970
I saw it for myself.
324
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,040
Poor Julie.
325
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,840
She is not going
to take this well.
326
00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:32,780
I need you to give it
to me goddamn straight.
327
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:34,610
Is she about to be
publicly torn a new one?
328
00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:36,150
Humiliated?
What's your plan, Mo?
329
00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:38,780
Because I need to
protect my friend Julie.
330
00:12:38,820 --> 00:12:41,720
I can't really talk
about this, Kris.
331
00:12:41,790 --> 00:12:42,790
Okay. Okay. You know what?
332
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,390
This is, this is worse than I thought.
333
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:45,860
All right. Ooh, waka.
334
00:12:45,990 --> 00:12:47,390
You know what?
Julie's gonna flip.
335
00:12:47,530 --> 00:12:48,860
If she flips,
she's gonna get fired.
336
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,260
If she's fired, I'm fucked.
337
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,600
And then I'm back at
Dominion Drug Mart.
338
00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:53,270
And what does the Jeanne Machine
gonna think of that?
339
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:55,030
You are never
going back there.
340
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,140
Whoop. Don't touch her, Mo.
341
00:12:56,170 --> 00:12:57,140
What are you gonna
say to her, Mo?
342
00:12:57,270 --> 00:12:58,670
That's confidential.
343
00:12:59,270 --> 00:13:00,270
That is bullshit.
344
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,470
Oh, huh?
345
00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:03,140
This is what you're gonna
ask her, yeah? Right here.
346
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,150
Lemme see what you got."Appropriate office behaviour".
347
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,750
When she has a hot flash,
she does go wild on everyone.
348
00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:08,880
Crap. Okay, next one.
349
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:09,820
"Active listening".
350
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:10,820
Julie listens to...
351
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:12,490
Oh my God, absolutely no one.
352
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:14,020
Shiiit.
353
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:15,820
Uh, can I have
those back please?
354
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,220
This is gonna be brutal.
355
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,860
It might even be a
bit worse than that.
356
00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:19,960
Okay, I know what
you need to do.
357
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,090
You need to cancel
the meeting.
358
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,760
Ooh, I'd love to,
but I can't do that.
359
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,730
You're gonna do your magic.
360
00:13:23,730 --> 00:13:24,730
Yeah, that's it.
361
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:26,370
Because it's gonna
soften the room.
362
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:27,700
It'll be easier
for Julie to take.
363
00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:30,040
Trust me, because I am an
expert on connectioning.
364
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,100
You know who told me that?
365
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:33,640
Jeanne Goddamn Beker.
Thank God I'm here.
366
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:34,640
You're a genius, Mo.
367
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,310
I will see you later.
368
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:40,910
Also, can you just keep this
HR seminar pretty tight?
369
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:41,980
I have a
doctor's appointment.
370
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:43,920
It's the first one,
I really wanna nail it.
371
00:13:51,390 --> 00:13:52,260
I still don't know
who this is about.
372
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:53,860
Neither do I.
373
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,460
Just waiting on a
few stragglers.
374
00:13:56,630 --> 00:13:58,730
Okay. Uh...
375
00:13:58,730 --> 00:13:59,870
Uh, welcome.
376
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,070
Okay. It's great that you're all here. Wow.
377
00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:04,270
Mo, it was mandatory.
378
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:06,610
So, um
379
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:10,180
there's been some
positions shifting,
380
00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:14,150
uh, which means this is an opportune moment, um,
381
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,420
to review some
expectations in the office.
382
00:14:16,550 --> 00:14:18,550
But let's do it in a really fun, relaxed way.
383
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:19,620
Let's have some fun here.
384
00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:21,020
Robyn uses the studio
to record their album.
385
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,120
That was his idea.
386
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:22,960
And besides, it's not as bad
387
00:14:23,090 --> 00:14:24,090
as Chelsey bringing
her cat to work.
388
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,490
Lizzie Borden
never hurt anyone.
389
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,190
It's no wonder I gotta
take my allergy medication
390
00:14:27,330 --> 00:14:29,300
every time I come
into this place.
391
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,230
Tell her to leave
that cat at home.
392
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:32,770
Is that why you nap
in Evan's office?
393
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,630
You nap in my office?
394
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:35,840
Most definitely.
395
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,700
But I wouldn't need to if
someone didn't keep stealing
396
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,340
my energy drinks
from the fridge.
397
00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:40,910
That's why I label everything "Kombucha",
398
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,840
because nobody likes
to drink fizzy vinegar.
399
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:48,280
I don't care about body parts,
or kombucha or cats.
400
00:14:48,350 --> 00:14:50,150
This meeting should
be about people
401
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,480
who disrespect my authority.
402
00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:54,850
And people who are babies
when they don't get their way.
403
00:14:54,890 --> 00:14:58,860
For example, I say that I am
moving into Julie's office.
404
00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:01,190
My word is final.
405
00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:03,000
No one is taking my office.
406
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,060
I actually am
taking her office
407
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,330
because I told
her this this morning.
408
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,770
Okay. This is great.
- I told her...
409
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,770
We'll get to everybody's
concerns in due time.
410
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,840
But today we are here
411
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,240
to discuss...
412
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,480
Boundaries. Boundaries.
413
00:15:18,510 --> 00:15:20,210
I think what, um...
414
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,280
Mo is trying to say,
good job, Mo,
415
00:15:22,350 --> 00:15:25,720
is that, you know, appropriate office behaviour is important.
416
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,450
But we all make mistakes
417
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,420
and we shouldn't be
singled out. So...
418
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,760
Exactly.
419
00:15:31,790 --> 00:15:33,430
We can change and learn to do better in the office.
420
00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:34,430
And you know what?
421
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,700
Sometimes we just get carried away.
422
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:39,170
You know? Especially when
somebody important gives us
423
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,370
too many compliments.
424
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,800
Yeah. And what do we not
do when we're angry?
425
00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:44,370
We don't, everyone,
426
00:15:44,370 --> 00:15:47,740
rub our body parts all
over the furniture.
427
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,640
Prepare to be amazed!
428
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:55,250
Oh my God. Mo. Yeah, Mo.
429
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,220
No, I gotta give you that.
430
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:57,320
That's, that's pretty good.
431
00:15:57,350 --> 00:15:58,250
I don't do fake flowers.
432
00:15:58,390 --> 00:15:59,450
That's so good.
433
00:15:59,590 --> 00:16:01,120
Okay. That's super cool, Mo.
434
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,860
But, um, why are we here?
435
00:16:02,890 --> 00:16:04,220
This could have been an email.
436
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,090
Yeah, Mo, just get on with it.
437
00:16:06,230 --> 00:16:07,860
Okay, everybody please sit down.
438
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,860
Uh... uh, okay.
439
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:16,140
Uh, employees are not allowed
to touch anyone in the office
440
00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:18,000
without consent.
441
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,670
That means, um...
442
00:16:19,810 --> 00:16:22,210
no hugging, no handholding,
443
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,480
no massages, no trust falls,
444
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,950
no passing citrus fruit neck-to-neck,
445
00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:30,980
no piggybacks, no conga lines.
446
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,650
It's okay.
447
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:34,950
I get it. It's about me.
448
00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:36,490
Understood.
449
00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:38,420
Um...
450
00:16:38,490 --> 00:16:39,490
It's okay, Mo.
451
00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,090
This session is for me.
452
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:43,060
I understand that I'm the problem.
453
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,530
Check.
454
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,100
Sorry. Um...
455
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,170
I'm the problem. It's me.
456
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:54,570
Prepare to see my greatest
trick of all time!
457
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,140
Hmm?
458
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:05,420
Oh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
459
00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:06,950
Okay.
460
00:17:12,090 --> 00:17:13,530
Oh my God! Oh my God!
461
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,460
No, Mo, do I have your consent?
462
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,600
Do I have your consent?
463
00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:18,330
Oh my God!
- Oh, he's choking.
464
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:20,930
This is not a hug!
This is not a hug!
465
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,340
Oh my gosh,
can someone take over?
466
00:17:22,470 --> 00:17:23,470
I have a doctor's appointment.
467
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,970
Oh! Ew!
- Ah!
468
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,480
That's good.
469
00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:42,220
Just say...
470
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:45,090
I'm just gonna say, Dr. Kent,
I'm here to talk about
471
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,160
my bleeding vagina, and...
472
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,360
Oh hey, Dr. Kent,
first name Clark?
473
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,300
Mmm... no. David.
474
00:17:54,370 --> 00:17:56,370
Oh, I was joking around.
475
00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:58,240
Ah, it's like a
Clark Kent, Superman.
476
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,070
You're a superhero,
like a doctor,
477
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,640
but you're a Superman hero.
478
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,310
It's so nice to meet you.
Finally.
479
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:04,710
Like to get in to see you.
480
00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:07,110
Huh? Lovely. This is good.
481
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,110
- Wonderful.
- Yep.
482
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,780
So, uh, what brings
you here today?
483
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,450
Well...
484
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,990
I've written down my list
of symptoms for you,
485
00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:14,990
so that's good.
And I have that ready to go.
486
00:18:15,020 --> 00:18:19,930
So you've got heavy bleeding,
cramps and irregular period.
487
00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,790
And you are 44.
488
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,130
Yeah. Exactly.
489
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,930
Oh, it's completely
normal for a woman your age.
490
00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:34,070
Okay.
491
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,670
Thanks for having me.
492
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,880
Evan, I don't like losing and I
don't like being out of control.
493
00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:46,490
The seminar was because of me.
494
00:18:46,490 --> 00:18:48,890
It's not your fault that
Michael's an asshat
495
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,890
and gave you my job.
496
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:54,160
And if Kris wants to
hug a stingray or me
497
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,160
or anyone else,
then as her producer,
498
00:18:56,230 --> 00:18:58,760
I need to make that happen.
499
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:01,830
So, I would like to
offer you my office
500
00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:03,370
and I hope you
will give me yours.
501
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,140
And then in your old office, which will be my new office,
502
00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:08,910
I will line up a killer
rest of the season
503
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:10,740
for Glow Up with Kris.
504
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:13,250
Oh hey!
505
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:15,010
Um, I meant to tell you:
506
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,580
I don't want your office anymore.
507
00:19:16,620 --> 00:19:19,390
You know, after that seminar
I realized I don't really care
508
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:21,150
what any of these people
are talking about.
509
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:22,760
If I want people to hear me,
510
00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:24,760
I'll send them a text.
511
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,090
Oh, and also there's a
weird smell in your office.
512
00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:30,800
Yes, there is.
513
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:33,630
Ah, there you are.
514
00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:35,470
That was a fast
doctor's appointment.
515
00:19:35,540 --> 00:19:36,800
What are you doing?
516
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,740
Are you okay?
517
00:19:37,870 --> 00:19:39,410
I'm just about to
unfriend Jeanne Beker
518
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:42,210
because I don't deserve
a friend like her.
519
00:19:44,710 --> 00:19:46,280
Of course you do.
520
00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:50,080
No, I don't 'cause I'm
the type of person
521
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,290
that wastes all this time trying
to make a doctor's appointment
522
00:19:53,420 --> 00:19:57,690
and then I waste the doctor's
time with a bunch of symptoms
523
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,960
that are completely normal
for a woman my age.
524
00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:02,830
He said your
symptoms are normal?
525
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,630
Just because he said they're
normal doesn't mean he's right.
526
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:09,900
It's your body and you know
best what's normal for you.
527
00:20:12,940 --> 00:20:15,310
Oh, sorry. No hugs.
528
00:20:15,310 --> 00:20:16,580
No, come on. Bring it in.
529
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,710
Really?
- Yeah. Come on. Yeah.
530
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:20,380
I'm so sorry that
happened to you.
531
00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:22,980
It was so horrible.
- Oh, I know.
532
00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:24,520
But you know, Kris...
533
00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:26,950
I'm gonna have to go back in
there and advocate for myself?
534
00:20:26,990 --> 00:20:28,720
- I'm so sorry. Yeah.
- Ugh.
535
00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:30,390
You do. Because as women,
536
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,220
sadly that's what
we have to do.
537
00:20:32,990 --> 00:20:35,060
But there is some good news.
538
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,260
I would like you to
gather up your weird crap
539
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,530
and come with me
to our new office.
540
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,800
What?
541
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,600
I'm inviting you to
share my office with me.
542
00:20:48,140 --> 00:20:49,480
Holy shit!
543
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,540
No, no! One hug a day. One.
544
00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:53,950
Did you know that that
HR meeting was about me?
545
00:20:53,950 --> 00:20:55,550
No.
546
00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:57,420
I wonder who complained?
You know what?
547
00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:59,350
It's probably Evan, that
almost-office stealing thief.
548
00:20:59,390 --> 00:21:00,350
He looked at me funny.
549
00:21:00,420 --> 00:21:02,350
I mean, he looks at
everyone funny, right?
550
00:21:02,390 --> 00:21:04,160
Wait.
551
00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:08,760
We're gonna need a scented
candle to cover that left pit.
552
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,300
Yeah, we
shouldn't use that one
553
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:11,900
'cause I really, you know,
I jammed it up in there.
554
00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:13,500
Yeah, I saw you do it.
555
00:21:13,570 --> 00:21:15,730
♪ Ooh, that smell ♪
556
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,970
♪ Can't you smell that smell? ♪
557
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:24,310
♪ Ooh, that smell ♪
558
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:31,750
♪ The smell of death surrounds you ♪
559
00:21:32,690 --> 00:21:33,720
♪ Now they call you
560
00:21:33,850 --> 00:21:35,420
♪ Prince Charming
561
00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:39,060
♪ Can't speak a word when you're full of 'ludes ♪
40349
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof