Original subtitles

'From India's western coast'

'comes a simple story.'

'The land of gathiya, garba and Gandhi.'

'No, sir. This isn't a story from Gujarat.'

'In fact, this housing society'

'is like a mini Gujarat right in the city of Mumbai.'

'The Gujaratis are cocky by nature.'

'Be it Manhattan or Mumbai,'

'it's like they're carrying a portable Gujarat wherever they go.'

'Dipti, Jigna, Bakul, Dipesh, Mayank are the names that reverberate

'in this Gujarati neighborhood.'

'Now amid all this lives a family'

'dripping with courtesy, culture and clarified butter.'

nestled in the cold storage of culture and values

'The Hasmukh Patel house,'

Here's your half a kilo of wheat. Hold on a second.

Come on, Mr Patel, four extra grains won't kill you.

Sir, I'm doing this for you. - For me?

Of course. Because you're such a virtuous man

you can't digest even a single ill-gotten grain.

These are four grains. Too much sin to handle, right?

For every Gujarati, business is next to righteousness.

It's not about money, you know.

That will be 34 rupees. Here you go, ma'am.

Let's go, Raksha.

Sir. - Hmm?

Stop dreaming and focus on your business.

Mark my words, boy. Someday, I'll start Patel Supermarket right here.

Hold your dreams

for you have a housing society meeting to attend.

Is it today? - Of course.

Mr Patel, you've got a letter from Canada.

I've warned you umpteen times not to hand me this letter!

Sir, you need to calm down. Let's go.

Hail... - Glory to Gujarat!

My friends, I've brought you today a special gift from Gujarat.

Ghaari from Surat. - No way.

Red chillis from Gondal?

Shouldn't we Gujaratis think about something else than food?

I bring you the soil of Gujarat.

We have to spread this soil in our courtyard.

Here.

Who pays the most taxes in India?

The Gujaratis. - You are right.

Who built the Rajabai Tower in Mumbai?

The workers, of course.

Damn! Who paid the workers?

The Gujaratis. - Yes!

Who made 'Raja Harishchandra' the first movie in India?

Dadasaheb Phalke.

But he was a Maharashtrian.

Who financed Phalke?

He was financed by Mayashankar Bhatt

who was a Gujarati.

We have Goddess Amba as well as the industrialist Ambani.

Hail Gujarat!

Someday, Gujarat will take on China singlehandedly.

In producing children?

In producing jobs and business, do you get it?

Yet, there's a big trouble looms large over us.

TV channels, e-mail, Facebook, Twitter.

These new age things are attacking our culture

and we must save our culture and defend our pride against them.

Like you know,

we don't allow liquor and meat in the Adarsh Gujarati Society.

And we won't allow loud music either!

We will never allow flirting

and whistling in this society either.

What about the cooker whistle?

Cooking is fine, but no looking.

And very important thing.

We won't let Western channels on our TVs that promote their culture.

Come on, man! - No English channels! You got it?

Morons!

Come on, grandma! Yo!

Yo, grandma!

What a fabulous speech!

Straight from the Red Fort.

Why are you acting like a traffic cop all of a sudden?

Ramdev Baba says

that these exercises keep all the diseases away.

Why don't you try?

Ramdev Baba on MTV?

For today.

Aren't you too old to watch MTV?

You should watch channels like Aastha, Sanskar.

We got two young girls in our house. Try to understand.

We got two daughters,

but we also got 90 channels. - Enough.

Feast on "Naked TV" only for today.

I'm going to band them from tomorrow.

But dad... - Don't "daddy" me.

Gosh, you got some outdated ideas!

Every young girl's father follow outdated ideas.

Till this day.

After all, she lost her mother.

Remember Pat Singh who stormed into our lives

and turned our lives upside down with his Punjabi beats.

How could you forget?

Hasmukh, you're still brooding over Pat Singh.

Forget about it.

You should change with time.

You are snatching their freedom.

Pooja.

Hi. You are Kanu and I am Pooja.

You are a tortoise and I'm a nobody.

Yet there's a lot that's common to us.

The world is in fast and furious mode, but we're painfully slow.

You can't speak

and I'm not allowed to speak.

You can live till hundred.

My life is already boring, as if I've lived till hundred.

Pooja. - Sister.

You are talking to Kanu again!

What are you doing?

I think Champaben is more lucky than us.

She can at least roam around all day.

See. You know what?

There is nothing like freedom. Ting-tong.

You'll be all alone after my marriage, right?

Right, Nimisha.

That's why I've decided that I'll speak to dad today about that.

Pooja.

Fashion design?

Dear, you are so naive.

Girls from decent families don't choose this field.

Not allowed. - But I'm bored, dad.

I've finished my BA through correspondence.

What should I do in my life?

Get married.

Listen to me.

These three things are very important in a girl's life.

Look, book and cook.

You are good at all three of them.

Dad, may I ask you something? - Hmm.

When I was born

and spoke for the first time,

did that make you happy?

Of course.

No. Either you lied to yourself that day

or you're lying today.

That's not true, my dear.

What's so big deal about fashion designing?

I wore pajama and kurta all my life.

Did it kill me?

But the time is changing, dad.

Just think.

I'll become a famous fashion designer.

Celebrities and stars will attend my show.

People will give me a huge round of applause.

I'm sure, you will say,

"This is the right choice, baby."

Presenting the creations by

Ms Pooja Patel!

Stop it. - Please.

Pooja Patel's ramp show destroyed our culture.

Is it a fashion show or a strip show?

Should we blame Pooja and her family values for this?

No, my daughter is innocent!

What's wrong?

I won't let you pursue fashion designing.

What's wrong with that?

I think the word "design" is of Gujarati origin.

"Design" sounds like "Dishaheen".

That's aimless.

I won't let my daughter become aimless.

My dear...

Don't let that spoil your mood.

Let's eat some 'khakra'.

Have some. It will cheer you up.

You know I don't have anyone

but two daughters to call my own.

We got a dandiya dance in our society tonight.

Dandiya. Don't you want to play?

Quickly get ready.

Smile, my dear.

Please smile.

"Hey, Rupa, come upstairs, I’ve to go early."

"My henna is burning up, moonlight, stop shining."

"Your cool..."

"Your sweet..."

"Your cool soothing light makes me restless."

"Moonlight, stop shining."

"My eyes..."

"My eyes say it all."

"Moonlight, stop shining."

"The courtyard seems desolate..."

"My father's affection stops me at every step."

"Oh dear moon."

"My veil.."

My veil slips from my head, moonlight, stop shining."

"Come on, everyone."

"1.. 2.. 3.. let’s get free later."

"With the devotion towards the powerful Goddess"

"the night illuminates bright."

"Residing in the skies."

"The ever green merciful."

"Goddess, bless us always."

"The oceans and the mountains"

"all of them bend at Your feet."

"Folding my hands, I bow down to you."

"Empower me, mother goddess."

Driver!

How much more time, buddy?

Life, where are you taking me?

You should drive fast! Idiot!

Dude, how many times are you going to call me in a day?

You're buying a second-hand car and not the Taj Mahal.

No, you listen to me.

A second-hand car dealers follows this:

Whatever we tell you the first time,

we don't rewind it or remind it.

When you question us after the deal, we do mind that.

Now put the damn phone down and sign the check

and pick up the car.

Hold on, listen.

Don't forget to invite me on your sister's wedding.

After all, I'm her ex-boyfriend. I earned it.

He hung up on me.

Ah, the Mumbai girls! Come on.

Monty is coming to your town.

What's Mr Tandon saying?

Guggi says everything's just fine.

And Mr Tandon, what's your tale?

As long as you breathe,

keep driving.

Hail the Goddess!

Driver, move on.

Son of a gun! He's guzzling beers on the car roof!

You aren't singing hymns in the car, are you?

All right. Take a sip.

Good job!

Damn!

An old hag died! When did that happen?

Hold on.

Just wait and watch.

Hello.

I just read the news and it really broke my heart.

No one can avert the inevitable.

Sir, I'm afraid, I didn't recognize you.

I am Guggi Tandon.

You might not know me,

but your mother adored me.

She'd call me "son", you know.

We were really close.

But now she is very close to God.

She was close to all of us.

But now the chapter is closed.

We can't help it.

Really?

You idiot!

You should've published a nice photo of your mother.

She looks like a bloody cow in the photo.

If kids see such a horrible face in the paper,

will you wipe their tears off?

How can you say that?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Stop crying, you idiot!

Now listen to me.

Your mother lived till 90,

but you are mourning for her!

Life and death are nothing but jokes.

Adopt this philosophy and be happy for life.

Dude, give me a smile.

One smile coming up.

I brought a smile to his crying face.

You are so sweet.

Of course. - Sweet Guggi.

Shilpa brings shine to your face! Ting-tong!

How do I look?

You look terrible.

What are you wearing?

We got a fancy dress competition.

I'm playing Heer from Heer-Ranjha.

Aren't you supposed to be Kasturba?

True. But Nimisha refused to dress up as Gandhiji.

Why? - She says,

she won't tonsure her head.

Nimisha.

People would give up their life for Gandhiji

and you won't even cut your hair.

Dad, this is too much.

You could've become Meerabai

or Charankanya.

You could've become the great Anusuya.

Hasuda, listen to me.

You are talking about past and traditions.

Traditions?

That's different. But you got to tie up your hair.

Come on. - No, dad.

Ranjha fell for Heer only when she tied up her hair. - Really?

Ranjha told you that on the phone, didn't he?

Enough, mom.

Now go and tie up your hair.

Okay. - She wants to be Heer.

No Ranjha is coming for her, right?

Tell you what, Heer is already on the scene even before the hero.

Whoever utters "Sat Sri Akal" - Shall get his wish fulfilled.

Greetings to you! You're the first man I met in this colony

from this community.

Together, we'll raise the roof and turn up the volume.

Sir, enough with slapping, it hurts.

Who are you anyway? - I am Guggi.

Gurpreet Singh Tandon from Taran Taran, Punjab.

The sole proprietor of Guggi Car Bazaar. Please keep my card.

This is my second half, Pammi Tandon.

A 50-year-old model and yet

her average is something to talk about.

We have women in this crowd, just so you know. - Sorry.

Myself Monty Tandon.

Son of only father, Guggi Tandon.

What are you doing here? Are you at the right address?

I have a card. Hold on.

Opposite Patel Provision Store, Plot 100,

shop-cum-house.

That's my house. Bring it on!

Bring it on!

Well, that reminds me! Bille.

Get them down, will you?

Prem is here. Prem.

I'm here to give you some "love".

Monty, did you bring a coconut?

Hold on. How about this coconut rum?

It's same. - Like son, like father, Guggi.

You should've been never drunk on our honeymoon, I warned you.

Get it from the provision store.

Where the hell is that grocer? Hello. - Shut up.

Stop saying grocer, will you?

This is my store. What do you want?

I didn't claim my father-in-law owns this store, did I?

Come again.

This isn't a cricket match, so expect no replays.

What do you want? - Two coconuts.

Take it.

Hail the Goddess who rides the tiger!

Relax, dude. Wait for the offerings.

I want money, not the offerings.

Money? - Yes.

Daddy.

You want to get paid before getting the offering?

Punjabis are magnanimous and generous!

Did I ever say I was a Punjabi?

Proud to be a Gujarati.

That's the trouble.

It's like cumin seeds in whiskey.

I thought you're a Punjabi because of your daughter.

No, let me tell you

that there are only Gujaratis in this society.

I thought people who live here are only...

Soldiers? - Not soldiers, but Indians.

Come on, dear. - See you later.

Come on, sweety.

Desai. - Who allowed Punjabis in our society?

The IPL. - Huh?

What's the connection?

Majethia lost everything at IPL betting.

He sold off the bungalow to him and flew to London.

Majethia didn't listen to us.

I tried to persuade him... - One more Punjabi

breathing down our necks after Pat Singh.

"King Khan, Yo, Yo Honey Singh."

"Twist your mustache"

"Slip on the shades."

"Put lassi in the coconut."

"Come and let's the set mood."

"Twist your mustache"

"Slip on the shades."

"Put lassi in the coconut."

"Come and let's the set mood."

"All the Rajani fans!"

"Don't miss that chance!"

What a bitch!

Never abuse your neighbors so early on. Take your time.

She's really a bitch.

"Lungi dance! Lungi dance!"

"Lungi dance! Lungi dance!"

Stop the music! Listen!

Hasuda. - Yes?

So many cars.

Looks like our new neighbor is very rich!

Not really. He is a scrap dealer.

That's a second-hand car.

We'll sell them off any time.

Let me tell you something.

He'll demand 200,000 for this piece of junk.

We got the same car in the same working condition.

We won't get 100,000 for it, so nobody will pay him 200,000.

It doesn't look like our car. It is our car.

Our car...

Out of the way, Fakir. - Who?

Don't disturb me when I'm doing business.

Sir. - Yes?

What do you think of the car?

But 200,000 seems expensive.

Are you buying a car or shorts?

You just zip-zap-zoomed, didn't you?

What's that? - The test drive.

How can he test drive this car?

This is my car, the keys... - Come on, dude.

Billa hot-wired the car. Don't worry.

You'll get a good deal.

Sir. - Sir.

Tell me something. What's your dad's birthday?

2nd June 1933.

Really? What's the license plate number?

MH02 F 1933.

Wow! Your dad's parked right here, it's not a car.

Your dad's blessings.

Dad. - 200,000.

Keep it. The deal's final. Send the car home.

Thank you. - Thank you, sir.

Congratulations are in order. Your car's sold.

To hell with that!

Nobody asked you to sell my car.

Hasuda, sell the car. Remember yesterday you said

that you'd sell the car if you get 100,000.

Grandma's word is the law.

Your fortune smiles upon you, but you frown at it.

Brother, have some sweets. - No.

No, thanks. Give me the money.

Give me the money. - Here is 100,000.

Why 100,000? You sold the car for 200,000.

Won't you let your son make 100,000?

Who is my son?

Monty is like a son to you.

Daddy! - How come he is my son now?

Grandma, give me your blessings. - Bless you.

Come home in the evening to eat 'undhiyo'.

I'll make some. - Mom, go home.

Take her home! Undhiyo.

You sold the car for 200,000. Just give me the money.

All right, here is 30 grand more.

The deal was done for 130,000.

Never let the poor to curse you.

I made cool 70,000. - The Punjabi got a good deal.

He made 30,000 and I made 70,000.

I didn't pay 21,000 for the car insurance. You should pay it.

So I made 51,000

and you made 49,000.

That's how a Gujarati closes a deal.

Daddy, we got knocked in the first round.

Move it.

Here's the first Punjabi

who made a profit by selling a Gujarati's car to a Bengali.

Yesterday, his son did pulled a bike stunt

and today his dad juggled a car.

I wonder what he'll do tomorrow.

Dear me!

Thank you. - Wish you the same.

Premlal Tandon.

Your neighbor. - I know.

The boy next door.

What's your age?

The old age.

Old age. The same batch.

Who is in your family?

A few kids and lots of diseases.

Kanta, I suffer from diabetes.

So sweet! - That's what not allowed.

Do you have blood pressure?

No more since my husband died.

God's always right in His own ways.

Both of us are single

and ready to mingle.

Tell me a seven-letter word

It should mean love.

Dipesh, my fiance!

A seven-letter word for love.

What could it be?

Romance. - Correct.

Correct.

I'm the right guy

and we're talking about the right topic, so the answer is correct.

Greetings to you as well.

Here is your mail. - Thank you, uncle.

Distance education? We share common traits in terms of education.

I'm a dropout like you.

I'm famous for being promoted.

I studied 8 years for a five-year course.

I'm a failure like you are. - Excuse me.

I'm not a college dropout.

I was a class topper. - Why didn't you go to college?

Because my dad doesn't let me.

You should go on your own.

Listen. - Listen to me.

Don't let your parents get too close, they can create problems.

Keep safe distance. Distance. Watch this.

Distance learning, distance daddy.

Who the hell... Uncle...

Give me your blessings. - Enough.

What do you want? - Many things, since you ask...

Hey!

What do you want from the shop?

Do you have dog biscuits?

Will you eat it here or should I pack it?

Next time, place the order on the phone and I'll home deliver the goods.

Do you make the deliveries or your young staff?

Dog! Sometimes we use dogs to make deliveries.

That reminds me. We're hosting a housewarming party tonight.

You're invited too and also bring your family along.

Welcome, everybody! Welcome. There you go!

Absolutely stunning!

Are we on a movie set or we in a home?

Look at that naked girl.

We also got a naked tiger. Nothing's fine.

Everything looks naked.

Hasuda, don't make faces. I didn't abduct you here.

That's what it is.

Tandon called me ten times since morning for the invitation.

Finally I had to say yes

else he would've drained my cell phone's battery.

Patel, welcome, dude! I didn't have your number.

I wanted to call you.

I'm glad you are here! Hug me!

Welcome!

A tight hug! - Enough!

You don't need to hug everyone when you hug me.

Welcome Patel and family.

Hello. - Hugs and all.

Patel, gulp it down. - No.

Really? - I don't drink.

It's liquor!

I don't care what it is, I don't drink.

No. - What will you drink then?

Water. - Water?

Water. - Large or small?

Small to start with.

Oh wow! - Guggi, listen to me!

Dad, let me introduce you to our neighbor.

Patel, my dad, Premlal Tandon.

Hello. - He has been to jail twice.

Tell me something.

Why did you go to jail twice?

The first time

it was in 1942, for the freedom movement.

I see and the second time? - The second time,

I went behind bars for a bitch.

And then? - Then...

When I got out of the jail, I had to marry her

and this bastard Guggi was born.

Let's go. They'll spoil you. - Dad, let's have a drink.

Here.

Nice dress. - Nice excuse.

It's not an excuse. You are a guest

and I am your host. I must make sure

that you shouldn't feel lonely. - There are many guests here.

You should entertain them. - Tell you what,

there are many stars in the sky,

but there is only one moon.

Go away. - Excuse me.

Let me attend to the other sister.

It's so beautiful.

What's that? Mosquito bite?

No, my husband bit me.

Last night's love bite.

Bar!

Awesome!

You guys are drinking. You should eat something.

You should continue. We snack everyday.

All right. Bille, bring it over!

Chicken lollipop! - Hold on, what's that?

Where did the chicken come from?

That's chicken. - From eggs, of course.

It won't come from a hooch den.

Mr Tandon, we don't allow meat in our society.

It's not allowed. - It makes us uncomfortable.

He's more uncomfortable than chicken.

Listen to me, Mr Tandon.

How will you feel if someone eats you?

We are tigers, the king of jungle eats meat

he doesn't eat grass.

This society is meant for people

not for animals.

Take it away. - The elephant eats grass, doesn't he?

He can throw a tiger away in his trunk! - Answer that.

Come here. My dad is 80-year-old

and he's still fit as a fiddle. Tell me why.

Because he eats chicken. - No. He doesn't lecture people.

He keeps his mind free and open. You should do the same.

That's not done.

We must stop him now

or we'll have to carry him on our shoulders.

He is right. - That's right.

I suggest you should stop selling him goods.

Hold on. Why mix emotions and economics?

Don't mix business with attitude.

How are you, my friends? - How are you doing, guys?

Patel, come and hug me. - No way.

No more hugging. Stay away, don't touch.

I'll come straight to the point.

The committee has decided that if you want to live in this society

then you can't have wild parties like last night.

Am I right? - Of course.

Tell your prince that no dance, no party and no loud music.

You can't switch on TV after 11 PM.

I only watch FTV, friends.

What amazing models they have!

Brother, they can given Angelina Jollie a run for her money.

Really? Which channel?

You should watch Aastha channel.

You can't watch any English channels.

We had the cable operator disconnect it.

Fine. No problem. - You can't eat meat.

Fine. We won't. - You drink whiskey and vodka.

No more drinking. - We won't allow it.

Fine. We won't do it.

One more thing. - Hold on a second.

He just keeps going on and on and on.

Why should we stop all these things?

Dear, your dad's name is Prem, Premlal.

Tell your son nicely

that he should preserve values and not just his cars.

Warn your grandson to stay away from my daughters.

Hello.

You! - Yes.

Go. Someone might see you.

What's your problem?

I got two immediate problems.

First, I don't understand why you are hiding behind that curtain.

Second, I'm hanging onto my dear life from your balcony

and not wearing a parachute.

Please.

I must come in since you say "please".

Oh my God!

Not bad. - What do you want?

Is that a question or an offer?

Listen...

Hold on.

What's that? - People in love

talk about plucking stars and moons from the sky.

I got you this Wi-Fi device. Now you can talk to the world.

Your dad is into...

mind control, right?

It will control him, so chill.

Thanks.

What if my dad finds out?

Your dad...

What are you doing? - Your dad won't have a clue.

My parachute is waiting.

"His eyes gaze at me..."

Living here is like a leading a handcuffed life.

This housing society should be renamed as Taliban Society.

The Tandons hate shackles.

If you want to live here, you have to be like us.

You want us to become Gujjus like you?

Why do you keep saying Gujjus?

You think the Gujaratis are trash!

Without Gujaratis, half the business in this country would shut down.

Half of your economy would be finished.

Without Punjabis, the army would be down to half.

Not to mention the truck traffic on the highways.

Don't mess with Punjabis.

We don't mess with anyone.

We don't spare anyone who messes with us.

We strike without a thought and before we think...

What did I just say? You get the picture!

Let's go, dad. - Come on.

Well done. - What do they think of us?

Nobody gives a damn about us!

Time to take a legal action.

My friend Deshpande works for the municipal corporation.

Deshpande, this is Hasmukh Patel.

Fine. Listen.

Guggi Tandon moved into our housing society few days ago

and has started a garage without permission.

Right. He refuses to listen to us.

He brags that the municipality can't hurt him.

Send him a notice and tow away all his cars.

Only way to straighten him out is to shut down his business.

Okay. Thank you. We'll see.

This car's delivery is tomorrow. Check it properly.

Bille, this car breaks down near petrol stations. Check it properly.

Hello. - Hello, Guggi, this is Shyam from Dubai.

So you reached Dubai, my don!

Just order me.

A call from Dubai, a friend of his.

My girlfriend Tina's photo and her stuff

is in the trunk of your car.

Stuff in the trunk?

Check it. - You'll get me in trouble.

Stuff? That means RDX. - Let me check.

My wife already suspects me.

Just hide the stuff.

Don't let Pammi any of this.

Else she'll tell my wife about it.

Don't worry.

Help me out, my friend.

No one will know about it.

We got underworld right in our society.

'Pooja, updated version.'

Wow!

Correct.

Dilo, why did the water stop?

Didn't we pay the bill?

They are washing the car since morning.

Don't you have any sense?

I still haven't finished showering and you're still washing cars.

Stupid, illiterate, stick fighters!

Stupid, illiterate, stick fighters! Who are you talking about?

No the Sardars are very nice people.

Why are you roaming naked?

I wanted to take shower, but you continue with your car wash.

I'll shower tomorrow or the day after. No problem.

I'm not on sale, right? Wash your cars.

No problem. Car wash... Give it to me.

I'll shower you instead.

Time to get wet, beauty.

No... - Focus on the trunk.

The trunk!

It should shine, spray it properly.

Time to clean the dippers.

The exhaust pipe.

Enough. I won't shower for a month today.

Billa, get a fresh towel for myself.

Listen to me. God...

gave me a body to hide my soul

and a towel to cover my body.

I got both of them. No thanks.

Well said. Come on, son.

Hasuda.

Never knew about the power of underworld,

but now I know about their shower.

Time to teach them a lesson.

Desai, cut off their water supply. - Sure.

Patel has ruined my life.

I have to make do with this funeral urn instead of my shiny whisky glass.

Start the engine, will you?

Yes! - It refuses to start, dad!

Dear, your love story and this car share the starting problem.

You love Patel's daughter, don't you?

Your love story rumbles, but refuses to start.

What can I say, I've fallen for her.

Tell me something. Couldn't you find anyone else?

Imagine lifting the veil of that Gujarati girl on your wedding night.

It's like opening a box full of sweets and snacks.

Then you'll hear a voice: "My dear, I love you."

Sweets and snacks have their own charm, dad.

You know nothing about it.

I have this strong feeling

that I'm in true love with her.

Well said.

Like you had true love back in Patiala.

You could never say "I love you".

Now those girls are married and roam with two kids in tow.

My dear son.

You gotta have courage apart from heart to fall in love.

You don't know a thing. You can't do this.

If only courage was needed

then a love ode would've been written on Sikandar.

There would be love songs on Nepolean.

Witty dialogues or winning strategy for love. You decide.

Idiot, go and do a self-start.

You can't do a thing.

He can't do a thing.

I can do it. - Stop bragging.

I'm trying my best.

Dad, friendship is the first gear.

Love is the second gear.

Marriage is the third gear...

My friend, put the love car in the first gear.

But we need neutral to change gears.

Dad, you are the neutral I need.

I'll handle Pooja.

You should persuade Patel.

You want me to sneak into the enemy camp

and dig a tunnel with a plastic spoon.

You're scared of Patel. Forget it.

You think so? - Hmm.

All right. I'll persuade Patel and make friends with him for you.

First, put your car into the first gear and let your story begin.

It has started! There you go!

There comes Patel!

"Punjabi!"

Let Prem tell you about love.

My dear, the love engine takes its own time to warm up.

So go slow.

Time to put this car into the reverse gear.

Good job. Get moving.

Hello.

You?

What are you doing here? - Here I am.

Should I go for jogging in the parking lot?

Very funny. Listen.

I've put your wi-fi device in the side box of your bike.

Hold on. Why?

Because I don't want to hide anything from my father.

Right. Your dad's douche bag.

What? - He's a nice man.

By the way, why are helping me?

Because I like you a lot.

Anyway, it's no trouble.

Wi-fi down, I can wait, I understand.

I moved to Mumbai only some days ago.

You should say a few days ago.

Not some days.

Correct. I'm a bit weak in math.

But I'm strong in love. My time starts

when I saw you in Heer's costume.

Your face is akin to like a new Audi.

Leather seat, heartbeat. Hello.

Really? - Yes.

I dare you to come to my home and say all this.

What if I do?

Then I'll think about it.

Hello, ma'am. What's wrong? You look worried. - Forget about it.

Damn! They cut off our water supply!

Dear me! - My hubby has been drinking neat since two days.

I was thinking about adding kidney beans to rum

and gram flour to Bacardi.

We got a pile of dirty clothes.

Last night, I put on a bikini and my hubby was wearing only shorts

and we were feeling very shy.

Out of the way. Sorry, just clothes.

Dhilo, whose clothes are these?

This is no public washing spot. - These are our clothes.

I see, they are yours.

Had you told me earlier, I would've washed them at your place.

Come on, brother. I made 'aloo parathe' for you.

I've already eaten 'khakhra'. - You are still angry, aren't you?

Don't feel bad about his comments.

I can't feel bad. I'm a family man. I can't afford to.

All right, calm down. In a few days, you won't

give a rat's ass about what he says.

It doesn't suit a woman like you to say rat's ass?

Should I change my sex so that I can abuse freely?

Hail Goddess. Mom?

Go to the kitchen.

Hold on. - Let me handle it.

Don't... - Last time, you broke your back while dancing.

Let me handle it. Go.

You should bring us a gas cylinder for change.

I got it from our home. We'll have a pizza today.

Don't worry.

You? - Hello.

Listen, I like you a lot.

It's okay, but you should leave now.

You gave me a challenge, I did it.

Foolproof planning. - Idiot!

Love is all about heartache

but I never imagined it could be gas problem too.

How much? Strange man.

Aunt!

Please taste the 'theplas' I made.

We don't return empty vessels.

It's not empty.

I'm taking back so much from here.

Isn't that too dramatic?

Mom, why was Pammi here?

So what if she was here? Neighbors are remote relatives.

I don't want a single Punjabi here even remotely.

I hope you remember Pat Singh.

He ruined our lives.

Pammi is fine, but not Guggi.

I don't want Guggi here.

Hasuda. - Do you have any idea

who that guy is?

Do you know anything about his connections?

Connections till your heart.

Tell me something, Patel.

Do you still have it?

Vest. - Not that.

Malice. - No way.

Then why did you send me this notice from the municipality?

What's this?

Don't notice such a notice, Guggi.

These things happen. You want anything from the shop?

The whole shop is yours.

Hasuda, forget about the business. He's here for the first time.

Will you have tea? - But...

What's that? - Half a cup.

Fine. Half a cup. Tea.

All you can offer is tea. Tell me something. - Yes?

Don't you keep beer in your shop?

I don't keep anything in the shop I don't use.

Do you apply 'sindoor'?

No way. - Then why do you sell 'sindoor'?

I'll help you get a license in no time.

It's not about the license.

It's all about conscience. - What's that?

If you make money, you will be happy.

Your house looks very desolate

and a very sad place. Get it?

Let me give you a tip.

Here is my first tip, you should spice up...

your dull place.

Guggi, we add spices to our curries.

We don't add spices to our walls.

You didn't get me.

Why do we make money? - For our family.

For car and for our belly.

For carpet! - Okay!

You should get rid of that dining table.

Who gets hungry in your family?

We take 'hingashtak churna' and 'isabgol' at night.

Then in the morning, you go like this...

You have to. Don't you go?

There are lots of fancy tables in the market.

There is this naked girl statue.

She's lying on the glass like this.

It stirs your appetite like nothing.

You should get a table like that.

You should get a lion-headed carpet for your floor.

You should get a chandelier for your roof.

You got verbal diarrhea.

We follow only one philosophy.

Simple living, high thinking. Get it?

Come here.

What will you do with so much money?

To tell you the truth, I want to buy a supermarket.

I see. - But you already bought a bungalow.

Of course, your bungalow is pretty impressive.

So I couldn't fulfill my wish.

Don't worry, my friend.

I've seen second-hand watches

and your body looks second-hand.

You grew up on 'khaman' diet and became weak

and you need some rattling.

What's that? - Can't tell you here. Come with me.

Come with me. - No, no.

For him? 15,000.

15,000?

Where have you brought me? - Come on, dude.

They'll tighten you up.

Squeeze me dry? - They'll make you fit.

Hold on. What's the guarantee?

Will they make me fit for 15,000?

You'll search for an expiry date on an ambrosia bottle.

Don't be a fool. Trust me. Count on you.

Sir, please take off your shirt. I'll fix this.

You lie down.

Is this electric? - Yes, sir.

No, sir. I don't want to take a chance with my body.

This is not done. - I am fine.

You should go ahead. I'll follow you.

Will you do it after me? I'll just change and come.

Did you see that? Easy-peasy.

Easy-peasy. - Relax, sir. I'll join you later.

I know, I know.

This tones your muscles.

How can this help you?

It's like an elephant is eating homeopathic medicines.

Should I turn it up a notch? - Go ahead.

Easy-peasy.

Easy? - Easy-peasy.

Easy? - Easy-peasy.

Easy?

Easy-peasy. - My phone's ringing. Answer it.

Sure, sure.

What's happening? - That's easy.

Hello. - Hey.

The car's bonnet is shaking?

Let it shake.

It's vibrating?

I'm also vibrating. - Enjoy.

Patel! - Okay.

He acts like a don, now he's crying like a little girl.

Patel!

Sorry.

Come on...

What...

My friend, what's going on?

How could you do that to me?

I'm shaking violently

as if the stock market has crashed.

No problem. - We have Angaar Baba in Gujarat.

He'll make you walk on a bed of burning coals.

Open the door. To tell with that Baba.

What are you doing here? - Hi.

Why are you following me everywhere?

I came here to learn about the pride of Gujarat.

Trust me. - Trust in you?

Forget old news. Here's something new.

I sat under the car headlights all night long

and wrote a new poem for you.

Original. - Stop it, will you?

You gave me a Wi-Fi device.

The other day, you brought a gas cylinder.

Now you've reached here with a borrowed poem.

Do you have any idea about love?

Have you ever fallen in love before? - Sit down.

There was a girl named Anu.

She was my neighbor in Patiala.

She would come to me every day

with her hands outstretched and fists closed.

Then she'd ask me to choose

one of the two hands.

No matter what fists I choose,

it would have peanut peels

and in the other fist she'd hold

huge peanuts.

It kept on for years.

I always got peels.

One day, I found out that Anu was getting engaged.

I got angry and hid on the floor

and then Anu found me.

She asked me to choose again.

I chose the fist...

and there were peanuts in it.

I checked the other fist.

It also had peanuts.

She wanted me to win.

I think that perhaps...

I think those little peanut peels

turned into henna design on her hands.

Yes, I had fallen in love once.

Only once.

I'm sure, you'll find someone.

"I have worshipped goddess Parvati dedicatedly."

"Still couldn't succeed spending the wakeful nights..."

Talk to her.

Hold this.

Pooja, watch the lamp.

Our mind is just like a lamp.

You have to watch it over.

Give it to Meera.

What are you doing since morning? Are you measuring the trunk

or are you working out for a flat tummy?

Pammi, it's a ritual.

It's known as 'Vatsavitri' and it's performed for husband's long life.

You also perform 'karvachauth', don't you?

Can't take chances with husband's long life.

If he isn't around, who will pay for shopping.

You are right. You should also observe this fast.

Mr Tandon's life is so unpredictable.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

I didn't get you. - His business can take him to places.

Yes, he's into automobile. - Not cars.

He's a don. - Hey.

What ideas are you putting into my wife's head?

No I just suggested her

that she should observe fast for your long life.

That's what I said, right? - Okay!

But you have to follow a rule.

When the wife observes this fast,

even the husband can't eat for 24 hours.

What are you saying? - You can't eat or drink.

You can't eat meat, can't drink or have sex for seven days.

No sex is okay. But no meat and no drinks for seven days.

Seven days! - You're talking nonsense.

Listen to me. - Excuse me.

I observe 'karvachauth' for you. - Right.

You do it for a day, not for seven days.

Without food or water. - Are you crazy?

You're talking nonsense!

Shut up. - Can't you do this for me?

I can't do it for seven days.

Don't listen to him. - But...

This Punjabi is dead.

Sister...

You... here? - Hello.

Go away. This is women's festival.

So what? They are not changing clothes.

Don't make a fun of tradition. - Let's get serious.

When are you tying the thread?

Only for a lucky one.

I am also a lucky man.

You and I make a nice pair.

Bye.

Monty, what are you doing? - Close your eyes.

Take this off.

Is this for me? - Yeah.

Thank you, Monty. Wow.

I think I'm very close to the sky now.

Like four inches.

You are a poet.

I'm not a poet, but a puppet at my dad's hand.

Can I say something? You look great with your hair untied.

But my dad doesn't like it.

Even your dad doesn't tie up his hair.

Don't try to be smart. I'm talking about myself.

Wow! I love this freedom.

When I got out of the house, I felt as if...

I felt as if... - Yes?

That soap with lime.

A breath of fresh air through your body.

Why do you always mention soap and oil ads?

What else can I do? You know,

I have gone out with someone for the first time.

Generally, I don't trust anyone. No way.

Thanks, so you're ready to get married?

Hello. Don't rush.

I still don't have those feelings for you.

No problem. Take your time.

I'll give you five minutes to tell me about your feelings.

See, we are late already.

I have to send invites for the engagement.

Whose engagement?

Nimisha is getting engaged this Saturday.

You scared me there for a second. I thought...

Never mind. - We are late.

Do come for the engagement.

Come on.

"This soul desires for the salvation now."

"Inspite of convincing several times, it demands a new life now."

"This soul desires..."

I think we got the wrong address.

I think they are having someone's...

Messenger service... - Memorial service.

Shut up! - Everyone has shut up already.

No DJ, no drinks, even the relatives aren't fighting.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Congratulations. - Hand him the bouquet.

Thank you, thank you.

You came quite early. - Patel.

That song isn't fitting.

It's engagement. There should be a party

and a drama!

You should create a spectacle for the groom's family.

No spectacle.

We are serving 'halwa'. Don't leave without eating.

My daughter's father-in-law, Kantibhai is quite

a cultured man

and he worships the cow.

He owns four cow shades.

If he owns cow shades, will he have a wedding there?

Dad, you are too much. Listen to me.

I don't want the groom's family to think that we are misers

and that's why I've come up with this amazing idea.

My sister-in-law is a very talented woman.

She is a great dancer. Let's invite her troupe here.

We had arranged her dance show in Dubai.

That night the Shaikh danced with her and also all the camels.

She must be expensive. - Don't talk about expenses.

Consider it to be a gift from us. - Of course.

Fine. You pay for it

but make sure that Kantibhai must feel that it's my idea.

Of course. You pay for my bright idea. - Sure, sure.

Fine then.

Welcome, welcome! - Meet my daughter's father-in-law.

Just have snacks

and till then we'll arrange for a musical show. - Sure.

Surprise. - Let's see the surprise before the engagement.

"Touch me baby, do it."

"Love me, baby, wow."

"Oh dear, I have a lover in every street."

"Oh dear."

"Oh dear, I have a lover in every street."

"Oh dear."

"All the bachelors come"

"and want to sign me a blank check."

"Hit on me. Yes, hit on me."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"God will ask you why did you waste your life?"

"Touch me and drink this love potion."

"God will ask you why did you waste your life?"

"Touch me and drink this love potion."

"My stole flies and sends a sultry message."

"The world around us is so divine."

"Hit on me."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Life is a long story and I'm the lock that you open."

"We are incomplete without each other."

"Life is a long story and I'm the lock that you open."

"We are incomplete without each other."

"Touch me, crazy boy and just chill."

"I'm yours and you are mine."

"Hit on me."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"I have a lover in every street."

"All the bachelors come"

"I have a lover in every street."

"and want to sign me a blank check."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

"Hit on me and you will be fine, darling."

Let's do it, baby.

Dad, why are they all so silent?

They are so happy and impressed

that they don't have words.

So Mr Kantibhai,

we had a blast at this engagement

so just imagine, what a wedding would be like.

Well said.

Really? We are going to have a blast at the wedding.

Of course. - Great. Very nice.

Is this your idea, Hasmukhrai Mukuandrai Patel?

Yes, it is. - No, Kantibhai, it wasn't my idea.

These Punjabis are... - He is lying.

He is of course embarrassed to take the credit. - I...

It's his idea. - A very original idea

that stemmed from his brain. - Shut up.

Shut up!

"Hit on me and you'll be fine, darling."

Is this what you taught your daughter?

No, she is a graduate... - Shut up.

I call off this engagement!

Let's go! - Kantibhai...

Kantibhai! - Dad!

Kantibhai, listen to me. - Kantibhai.

It's not my fault.

These Punjabis... Please tell him. - Move it.

Kantibhai. Kantibhai. - Come on.

We have a problem.

You broke off this engagement.

You ruined our years of tradition. - Patel.

We always had your best interests at heart.

Our intentions were right... - To hell with it.

What a terrible fate! How could I listen to you!

I respected you so far, but not anymore.

A Punjabi named Pat Singh ruined my life before this and now it's you.

Listen to me and listen well.

I always hated the Punjabis

I still do and I'll always do so.

Hello, Dipesh? - I can't help it.

You know I can't disobey my father.

Whatever happened tonight...

You're talking to her despite tonight's debacle.

Dad, please do something.

To hell with that Kanti!

We'll find you another groom.

But grandma, I love him.

To hell with your love story.

Did your dad ever love your mom?

How dare you! - Enough!

Dad, please do something.

That's really bad! I mean, terrible.

Terrible. It was such a nice song! What a waste!

Stupid! Idiot!

They are crying their hearts out

and you guys are drinking.

Would you like a drink with soda or water?

I'll show you how to drink it.

Forget drinking... Now listen to me.

Till that girl is married,

no one in our family will drink. Get it?

We'll have to do something now.

There's another bottle in the cupboard, get it.

Sir, please don't do this. Sir. - Damn you!

Move! - Wait, sir!

Where the hell are you? Where...

Where the hell are you?

Patel, what are you doing? - Don't take a step forward!

Or else, I'll break your head!

My daughter’s engagement broke off, thanks to you.

Tonight, I will break your house to pieces.

Patel, whatever happened with Nimisha...

makes us sad too. - You don't feel a thing!

You would've realized my pain, had you got a daughter.

Don't break anything! - I have had enough! Enough.

I damaged the cars that you've parked outside, get them fixed.

Remember that you can fix damaged cars,

but it's very difficult to mend relations that have gone sour.

Kantibhai, please hear me out. - What are you going to say?

"Hit on me and you'll be fine."

No more compromise!

No more compromise with values.

Get the car out! - I didn't drive here.

Hey! I'm not talking to you.

I'm talking to my driver.

Please listen to me. The item number was not my idea.

Wait. - Hey...

That was my idea.

It was my idea. Since you worship cows,

we swear up on her and say that it was entirely my idea.

Even the cow says that this guy is innocent.

We walked 10 kilometers to reach here

and our feet are dabbed in cow dung, but Uncle Patel is a sober man. - True.

You're creating a scene again.

If he was a dinosaur worshiper,

would you have brought a dinosaur with you?

Exactly. - Right.

Don't drag the holy cow into this mess.

Hail the holy cow. - True.

Who am I? - Kantibhai.

Kantibhai Goradia.

The pride of Gujaratis!

I spend millions

to collect antique artifacts of Gujarat.

I own seven cow shades

and I run three orphanages.

An ordinary shopkeeper... - Shut up.

He just keeps yapping on and on and on.

You have no idea, but Mr Patel

wants to open the ding-dong place in your village.

The ding-dong place? - The fire brigade?

A girls' school.

Two girl's schools.

He has a budge of five million. - What?

Yes. - Is this true?

No way. Don't listen to him.

He is going to deny it.

He believes in secret donations. Not like you.

So now tell me, where does that put him compared to you?

All right. The day you open a girl's school in my village,

I'll go ahead with this engagement.

Good luck! - Good luck!

Even the cow approves of it.

The problem is solved. - Not yet.

The problem will be solved when he opens the school.

Get the car out. - We didn't drive here.

I'm talking to my driver.

Oh. - Driver.

Kantibhai. Kantibhai.

Kantibhai, listen to... Kantibhai.

Why do you reach everywhere to ruin my life?

Uncle, we don't try to ruin you.

You get ruined anyway. It's your fate.

Chill, bro. I'll give you five million.

Not your cup of tea. If Gujaratis decide

then they can extract pounds from Porbandar and dollars from Dakor.

Where do you get the euros from? - Shut up.

Terrible people! - Dad.

What did you tell him about five million?

Kanti is the guy who collects ancient Gujarati artifacts.

Time to show him something.

Here's your money. Show me.

Wow! Looks good. Superb.

Will anyone doubts it's not antique?

Does it look 500 years old?

I come from Ulhasnagar.

Forget this antique dish,

I even make aeroplanes.

Look at that one. I made that.

Forget it. Stop bragging. A bit of praise and this guy goes overboard.

How will this plate help Mr Patel?

We'll tell that this plate represents Gujarat's ancient traditions

and we'll ask him to sell it for 5 million

and it will solve his problem.

Who will buy this pile of dirt?

This is a fake antique, right?

We'll bring in a fake buyer

who will buy this fake plate with our real money.

The problem solved. He gets five million. - Correct.

He won't accept help from us. - Correct.

He'll lecture us about Gujarati pride.

Is he around?

Here I am.

Here he is. - Why did you call me here?

Welcome, my disgruntled friend. - Hello.

Look, what we found while digging?

A cake? - This is a symbol of ancient Gujarat.

It's a new antique.

Almost 500 years old.

This will solve all your problems.

If you put this up for sell,

you will at least get...

A box? - Not a box. - Then?

Ten million. Or five million at the minimum.

This is the pride of Gujarat.

Our pride? You want me to sell it?

My conscience says no.

Do you want to persuade your conscience or Kantibhai?

You aren't selling it for yourself.

It will help you build a school in the village.

A school. - A school.

Such an old plate. - Where did you find it?

This is what you call the pride of Gujarat.

Something you should be proud of.

Are you blind or something? Look, what you have done!

This is my mother, 500 years old.

Were you drying out your mom for 500 years in the sun?

No! Don't insult his mom.

Do you know who I am? - No, I don't.

I rule from here to Dahanu.

I am the local don.

So you rule over Dahanu.

But this guy rules over Dubai.

He is Don Tandon.

Salute him or he'll shred you to pieces.

Hold on a minute.

Hold on a second.

Run! - Run!

Kill them!

Hey! No!

Run in a zigzag line!

Don't dance, you have to run!

You didn't give us the details!

You caught me by the collar, didn't you?

I apologized.

How will you save yourself now?

Here you go! Take this.

Thank you, my friend. You fight so well. - Run!

Hurry! - Damn!

Start the car! - Hurry!

Man, that was close!

We were in deep trouble! - Thank you, dude.

You are a don, how could you thank me?

I had to save you.

Why do you keep calling me don all the time?

The underworld don? Aren't you?

Underworld? - Yes.

Nobody knows us in Esselworld

and you claim we hail from the underworld.

He keeps calling me don and they rained bullets on me.

Aren't you an underworld don? - No, I am not.

I was scared of you for no reason.

You are not a don? - For the thousandth time, no.

Get down. Get down from the car.

This is my car. You should get down.

Don't change the topic. I overheard you talking the other night

on the phone to Dubai. - Dubai?

I was on the phone with my elder cousin, Balwinder Tandon who lives in Dubai.

You talked about his stuff was left in the car. What was that?

The stuff? That would be his girlfriend Sonia's photo. - Sonia.

Sonia is the stuff?

He didn't want his wife to find out

and "stuff" is his code word.

You are too much. Stop the car.

Get down the car! Now.

What can I expect from guys like you?

Sorry for calling you don.

Thank you for saving my life.

I guarantee, it won't cost less than 15%...

Why are you after my life? What's all this?

These gifts! These cards!

Why do you call me all the time?

You guys have already put us in so much trouble.

My sister's engagement broke off, all thanks to you.

My father got shot at.

If father didn't...

practice 'kapalbhati' every day,

he would've had at least six heart attacks.

So only your dad has a heart.

What about my heart? Is it hernia? - Yes.

Listen to me.

Petty quarrels and tiffs are a part of life.

Dad didn't get shot, did he?

What if he was shot?

Then all our problems are over and our love story begins.

Really! You are disgusting!

As long as I am alive,

I won't marry anyone else, but you.

Even if I die, I won't change my mind.

As of now.

I won't marry you!

I would rather... Rather...

I would rather marry this waiter.

But I am already married.

Please give me some time.

I don't care and you don't you dare!

"Why do you skirt eyes all the time?"

"Why do you twist the key chain all the time?"

"Why do you skirt eyes all the time?"

"Why do you twist the key chain all the time?"

"Oh my love, tell me."

"Tell me, my sweetheart."

"Oh girl!"

"Baby, take the hint."

"Look, how I suffer!"

"Your "senti" words drives me mental and makes me sentimental."

"I am a bee and you are a bud."

"I won't let you go, where are you going?"

"Oh my love, tell me."

"Tell me, my sweetheart."

"You're full of crazy waves."

"Your words is lilting music."

"I live by the sliver of your sweet memories."

"You're full of crazy waves."

"Your words is lilting music."

"I live by the sliver of your sweet memories."

"Open the door to your hearts."

"I can't wait for you long now."

"Let me sail ashore now, I am drowning."

"The moon shines on."

"I am sure there's something about it."

"Only your sweet words make my lonely heart restless."

"Your charms are out of this world."

"Like the sun set on the beach."

"Why do you skirt eyes all the time?"

"Why do you twist the key chain all the time?"

"Oh my love, tell me."

"Tell me, my sweetheart."

"Oh my love, tell me."

"Tell me, my sweetheart."

Of course, I'll build a girl's school in your village, Kantibhai.

Why are you punishing my daughter?

He hung up on me. - Dad, may I say something?

Once I'm done with Nimisha's marriage,

then I'll find you a handsome husband.

Contribution time! Make it quick!

Contribution time!

Here. - Do you think I'm a beggar?

You hand me a hundred. Get me ten thousand bucks.

I have an idea.

You should take over my garage and I'll pay you ten grand.

So you won't agree easily, will you?

Guys, time to break things. Quick!

There you go. Come on. - Hey, wait.

I'll hit you with this!

Hey, what's going on here?

Patel, stay out of this. Move.

Is he your friend? - He is my enemy, so what?

It doesn't matter who he is.

For every Gujarati, business is like a sacred duty.

It doesn't matter whose business it is.

Don't you dare even touch his car.

We are from the Social Reform Party.

You should reform yourself and then worry about the society.

Get lost from here.

All right, I'll leave now.

But tonight, I'll come with my guys

and I swear, I'll reduce your and his shops to a rubble.

Get lost!

Hey! - Hey!

He just threatened us.

Why mess with him?

Don't be scared, brother.

We are still around. - We don't need you.

He'll be here! - Silence!

It won't help us if we are scared.

We must come together and defend our housing society.

Those who utter 'Sat Shri Akal' - Their wishes are forever fulfilled.

Billa, Pinky, Kukki and Sweety. - Yes, brother.

Defend the back entrance.

Sure. - Go.

And you guys! - Yes!

Stand and guard your houses.

Go! Don't be scared. We are with you.

Why are you carrying a sword? - I want to kill someone.

I won't kill you, I'm here to protect you.

Take care of your daughters.

Daddy, I'll go on patrolling. - Bravo, my son.

Hasmukh, hold this.

Time to guzzle up. - Hold on a second.

Drinking isn't allowed in this society. I've told you already.

Wow! You allow a sword that can spill blood

but you don't allow liquor that soothes your heart.

Everything's allowed in emergency.

All right, but don't drink near the temple. Find a corner.

Fine. Hold this.

Hold on to it. Hold!

Hold it! - Not this.

Hold it. - No way.

Sissy. You're a scared Gujarati.

I am not scared. The man who won the battle of Bangladesh...

General Manekshaw, he was a Gujarati.

I am a descendent of Sardar Patel

who united the entire India. - All right.

Unite the people while I get stone drunk.

What's going on here?

We had enough of your bullying. Did you hear me?

I am Patel! - Hey!

If you are Patel, I am Patil.

Inspector Patil.

You're waving that sword, you want to start a riot!

No... - Come on!

Tandon gave me this. - Open the door. Get in. Move it.

Being educated you provoke the riots.

You too were involved in Gujarat's riots, right?

I don't know anything.

Last I had seen such live swords

in the hands of Shivaji and Rana Pratap.

Shut up.

Sir, this is my sword.

Actually, I had gone out

telling him to hold my sword.

I told you it is his sword. Now, let me go.

How did you get that sword?

Talwar gave it.

How did you get this sword?

Talwar. Ramesh Talwar from Sion, Koliwada.

Now forget him and release him first.

You don't know me.

Who are you? - Guggi. Mr. Guggi Tondon.

So?

My uncle Chamanlal Tondon. - Yes.

His maternal uncle Girdharilal. - Yes.

His nephew Bhawarlal's relative

is the commissioner of this area. - Oh.

Yes. Shall I call him up? - Inder.

Lock him up as well.

Wonder what was my sin to get familiar with the Punjabi people.

Don't worry, Patel.

Next two days are weekends.

Then Monday is bank holiday.

By Tuesday we will definitely get the bail. I'm sure. Don't worry.

Are you on a package tour of three days?

This is jail and not any picnic spot.

Excuse me. Who's the in charge here?

Who wants to get transfer?

Ladakh, Kanyakumari, Gurgaon.

Wait a minute.

Sir, set them free. Okay?

That's it?

Actually... - See big dreams.

Inder, lock him up as well.

Don't worry, uncle.

We will go to the supreme court in the end.

You're not alone, my friend.

We are with you.

Let me see who sets you free. - I will do that.

Will you also bribe me now? - Bribe?

Did we accept bribe to drive away British from the country?

Did we accept bribe to get freedom

for the 30 crores of Indians in 1947?

Who's he?

He's Gandhiji. Everyone knows him.

Who's the fourth person on his left?

Who's he? - Myself.

My name is Prem.

Premlal Tondon.

I am a freedom fighter.

Sir. - 66 years ago

I had got beaten up by the British officers.

Over here, sir? - No, on the left.

Here? Oh sorry.

What's the use?

My father didn't get married so as to join the fight for freedom.

Even I didn't get married.

And is this how my son

is getting treated in the independent India?

Calm down, sir. Please.

What will you take, sir?

Bring some south Indian steamed dishes with chutney in separate bowls.

Okay. - But If you wouldn't set them free

I will go on hunger strike and your order will get wasted.

Sir, it won't get wasted.

But the bullets I had happily welcome on my chest

in British era have gone wasted.

Now, should I face these bullets

to save these three? Shall I shoot?

No. - Shoot, freedom fighter.

Shoot. - No, sir.

How can I do that, sir?

I will set them free, sir.

Good, your papa came on time.

Otherwise, I would have gone on hunger strike.

He called me a terrorist.

All this mess has happened because of sword.

You messed it up.

Will you remove the sword on every trivial matter? Is it a pen?

Leave it, uncle.

Why are you? He's a garage owner. You own a grocery store.

You've immense knowledge.

Gujarati intelligence.

I've the knowledge but not have 5 million.

How will I arrange that?

I've an idea.

Uncle, you should go to the show. A quiz show.

KKC.

'Whose fate will favour him?'

You will surely win.

You will win name and money.

You're genius by blood.

KKC. - Yes.

Just a minute.

Why are you so much concern about me?

Because I had been jailed.

I understood the difference between right and wrong.

I've experienced transformation.

What kind of transformation?

Anyone can use the sword.

But you, uncle.

Can win 5 million by playing in KKC.

Just sitting at one place.

Really? - 100%.

Leave it, son.

This isn't his cup of tea.

You just make packets at your shop.

He doesn't know anything about KKC. This isn't your cup of tea.

What if I win?

What if I win?

Will you bet? - Yes.

Okay, bet. - Done.

I am with you.

Where did Vivekanand go for the parliament of the world's religion.

A. New York. - Yes.

B. London.

C. Chicago.

D. Karachi.

Religious meeting in Karachi?

Chicago.

There's one more interesting thing.

The one who had helped him

was Manibhai Nabubhai Dwivedi.

He was also Gujarati scholar.

How did you know so much about Guajrat?

Were you Gujarati in your past life?

When was Mumbai stock exchange formed?

1834, 1906,

1856 or

1834. - Correct.

And it was formed by Gujarati. - Yes.

This is about Sensex.

Sage Vatsayan who wrote the first book on sex

called Kamsutra was also Gujarati.

I had a doubt about this.

The song I came to sing remains unsung.

I've spent my entire life

stringing and unstringing my instrument.

Who said this?

Rabindranath Tagore.

Correct. - Go ahead.

Yes. - No, stop.

You eat first. - No, grandma.

Today I am observing fast.

'Nirmala Ekadashi'.

It's called 'Nirjala Ekadashi'.

Correct answer. - Do you really observe fast?

Ever since I'm with you, I don't know why

but I've lost interest from non-veg food and liquor.

Girls, romance. You've lost interest in everything.

No, not to that extent.

Come on, go ahead. Next.

What happened? - Nothing.

Uncle. Uncle, I had a request to make. - What?

I want to come with you in KKC.

Actually, you're not needed but you can come.

You will also learn something.

Now go ahead. - Yes. I have to.

What?

VM jewellers presents

in 'Whose fate will favour him?'

Today we've Mr. Patel is on hot seat.

Mr. Patel, your fate is actually favouring you.

You've played very well so far.

So the next target is for 5 million.

What will you do?

Is this enough or you will continue playing?

No, I will play and win.

So, tell me.

What will you do with such a big amount?

If I will win 5 million I will donate it.

In a village in Gujarat

I will establish girl's school.

Save daughters, educate daughters.

Then I won't play.

Your intentions are really noble.

So even I wish you to win this round.

So, now we are moving on to the googly round.

Googly? - Yes.

In this I will ask you

a tricky question that appears simple.

So, computer.

Show the googly question on Mr. Patel's screen.

In the game of cricket

how many balls make one over?

Your options are A. 6 balls.

B. 3 balls.

C. 5 balls.

And D. One ball.

It's an easy question.

One over comprise of six balls.

Mr. Patel, recall your dream.

School in a village.

Girls' school.

If you give a wrong answer

you will lose all the amount you've win till here.

You're confusing me now.

If you're confused then

you can use friends' advice service.

Do you have any friend who knows about cricket?

I don't have a friend.

But I have an enemy. Can I call him?

Okay, we don't mind. Go ahead.

So, call Guggi Tondon.

Computer.

Call up Guggi Tondon.

You're needlessly worrying.

Yes. - Guggi, one over comprises of how many balls?

6, 5, 2, or 1?

One over comprises of how many balls?

How many? - One.

What? - One.

Okay. okay. - It's very simple.

Hello. Oh hello.

Strange. I was going to tell him it is six balls.

But he disconnected the call.

Option D. There's only one ball in one over.

Mr. Patel, are you sure?

Yes, option D. One ball.

You're taking the risk of 5 million. - Yes.

Shall I freeze it? - Yes.

What happened? - What have you done, Mr. Patel?

One ball in one over?

It was the question of 5 million. - These Punjabis have ruined me.

If you had told me

that it is option A. Six balls.

Then I'd have said that

your answer is wrong, Mr. Patel.

One over comprise of one ball only.

It's just that it is thrown six times.

You've won.

You mean I've won?

Hail Goddess!

Kantibhai,

now you've got 5 million for the girls' school in your village.

Is my daughter's alliance final now?

Okay. Thank you.

Hasu. - Congratulation, papa.

Guggi and Monty get the entire credit.

Where's Monty?

He has taken a vow for your victory.

For me?

Yes. He is going to keep awake the whole night. Come.

"Hail Goddess."

"Hail Goddess."

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"Listen to me, Goddess."

"Listen to me, Goddess."

"Every time I miss you..."

"I will give you a missed call."

"I will give you a missed call."

"I will come and share my sorrows with you."

"I will come and share my sorrows with you."

"I will come and share my sorrows with you."

"I will give you a missed call."

"I will give you a missed call, O Goddess."

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"I don't know..."

"I don't know this Facebook and all."

"I also don't know tweeter."

"You are omniscient."

"You can read my heart."

"You can read my heart."

"I will scan all my problems and e-mail you."

"This mysterious world is your creation."

"I will give you a missed call, O Goddess."

"I will give you a missed call."

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"I am a simple man."

"The network of this world is very bad."

"I've left behind all the connections and come to your refuge, Amba."

"Because..."

"Every time I miss you"

"I will give you a missed call."

"I will give you a missed call."

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"Download your blessings on us."

"Bestow my dark life"

"with happiness now."

"The entire system has crashed due to enmity in their hearts."

"Shower your grace and make everyone fresh."

"Make everyone fresh."

"I will give you a missed call."

"I will give you a missed call."

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"What's up, O Goddess?"

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"Appear before us, O Goddess."

"Hail Goddess!"

"Goddess resides in every heart."

"Hail Goddess!"

"In the vows, Hail Goddess."

"Goddess is found on every board."

"The pin code is Goddess."

"Goddess is the passport."

"Goddess is the jackpot."

"Goddess is rockstar."

"Goddess is powerful."

"Password is Hail Goddess."

"Goddess is in SIM card."

"Goddess is Antivirus."

"Peace and Harmony is Goddess."

"Hail Goddess!"

"Goddess is in our heart beats."

"Goddess is superhit."

"Goddess is in New York."

"Goddess is in every world."

"Goddess is in New Zealand."

"Goddess is on Madh Island."

"Goddess is in Mumbai and Dubai."

"Goddess is in Bangalore and Chennai."

"Goddess is in space."

"Goddess is in Cable Dish."

"Goddess is all over."

"It's all your grace, Goddess."

That was too good, son.

It was too good. - Uncle, holy food for you.

Wow, this is called culture.

I love Pooja. - What?

Worship of Goddess.

Hail Goddess!

Shall I say something?

I want one such guy for my daughter.

Do you want a boy like him?

Several times I've told you to select him.

Henceforth, I will parcel him to you.

The parcel is really good.

Isn't it? - Yes.

But that's not our tradition.

We want A Gujarati boy. Not Punjabi.

Just a minute, uncle.

I know one such guy. He's Gujarati.

Sure? - Yes.

So show me. Where's he?

Come home. - Where?

Please, wait for 2 minutes.

I will bring a Pure Gujarati boy for you.

"I love Gujarati."

"Gujarati is a greatest community."

"I know nonstop Gujarati."

"Hail Gujarat."

"Hail Gujarat."

"He who can understands other's pain"

"is called a true Vaishnav by birth."

"His intentions are always pure and noble by heart."

"Salute to his mother."

"Gujarati Rocks."

"Hu tu tu it's time to play games."

"Come, let's be brothers."

"And play the game of hu tu tu"

"I love Gujarati."

"Gradually"

"getting down the hills, Sonal."

"You remember I had given you a flower."

"I'm mesmerized by your eyes, I'm bound to your words."

"I'm mesmerized by your eyes, I'm bound to your words."

"I'm the only one crazy after your beauty."

"I am the only one. Yeah, Hail Gujarat!"

"Morning shines bright here."

"They are highly esteemed people."

"Hail Gujarat!"

Wow, that was wonderful.

I've no words to express.

It was so fantastic. - So, did you see now?

Good memory.

It's not about memory, uncle.

What would you like to listen? Kathiyawadi?

Kachhi, Surati.

Charotari, pure Gujarati.

You can ask me to speak in any tone, man.

Man?!

I will show you what Gujarati language is.

Wait a minute.

Sit down. Don't disturb me. Sit down.

Now tell me.

How many 'Dh' I have used in these lines and how many 'A' were used?

Tell me that.

Are you quiet now?

Prating like a parrot will not help.

You need to be Gujarati from your heart.

Just by wearing handloom, no one can become Gandhi.

And no one can become Gujarati by taking a disguise.

You're too much, Hasmukh.

At least value

his efforts made for his love, his Pooja.

This boy has changed his lifestyle.

He stopped eating non-veg, stopped taking liquor.

And you're not giving up your stubbornness.

How will I do that? How?

For a Gujarati girl he learnt Gujarati.

If he likes a Tamil girl tomorrow, he will learn Tamil.

So will my daughter do the household chores?

He's a loafer type Punjabi. - Enough.

Enough is enough.

What's your problem with Punjabis?

I've a problem.

You don't know what Pat Singh did with me.

Pat Singh. Pat Singh.

Who's this Pat Singh?

And what did he do that you're prejudiced about all the Punjabis?

Pat Singh is not Punjabi.

He is Gujarati.

And unfortunately he's my son.

Yes. - What?

People give their children pat names like Chunnu or Munnu.

By hatred I call my son Pat Singh.

Pat Singh.

He married a Punjabi girl and fled off.

He fled to America forever.

I folded my hands at him. I pleaded to him to return home.

But he didn't come.

I've already lost my son due to a Punjabi family.

But not this time.

Not at all.

Look. You too are a father.

You can understand.

What if she was your daughter in place of mine?

Please don't snatch away my daughter.

Otherwise, I will die.

Let's go, my child.

Papa, don't get angry, I love you.

I love you, papa.

Hasu, you always abused our Pankaj by calling him Pat Singh.

Will you call your Pooja, as Poney Tondon?

Reform your nature now.

She will run away.

What are you saying? She has already run away.

Idiots have helped her elope.

She will not elope.

We respect our women like the Goddess.

We don't teach them to elope.

We are a warrior class.

But we are not robbers.

Our community saves the families and society.

They don't break families.

Come, my child.

And yes, one more thing.

We are leaving this society.

What's the use of living in society

where your hearts don't meet?

We couldn't settle

down with you all.

Yes.

I thought we will live here lovingly.

If we will stay here, both these children

will remain said seeing each other.

So Maniben. Bye.

You always said

that you love your daddy a lot.

And I liked this thing about you the most.

It really touched my heart, you know.

I can't separate you from him.

I just can't do this.

Let's go. - Guggi.

Yes.

You wanted to open a super market, right?

This is the key to my house. You can open it there.

Don't worry about the money. You can give me anything you want.

Yes, but do sell beer in your supermarket.

Chilled beer.

Bye. Let's go.

Send as many cars as you can. Thank you.

Guggi, you're too much.

Father.

Monty is our son.

And Monty is now in love.

We must do something.

Why did you call me here again?

I said I don't want to form any alliance with Punjabis.

And where is the father-son duo?

Wait a minute, sir.

Wonder what is going on in their mind.

Punjabis.

I will never agree for this alliance.

Let's go, mom. They will not come.

This is enough. Let's go.

There they have come.

You came very early.

You know what, sir? Old car and old alliances

take time to repair.

Not for our victory.

But for your life. Look there.

Papa.

'Pat Singh is not Punjabi. But Gujarati.'

'He's my own son.'

'He has married a Punjabi girl and fled away.'

Please forgive...

this Pat Singh.

'I begged at him. I pleaded at him to return home.'

'I am alone. You please come back.'

'But he didn't come.'

Make me your Pankaj Patel again.

I grab my ears.

Please forgive me.

Yes, Patel.

Actually, I had gone to the airport to receive your son and daughter-in-law.

That's why I am late.

I've called them from Canada.

You may reject my friendship.

But please accept them.

Papa, please forgive me.

I will never leave you and go to Canada again.

By swear of Goddess Amba.

Look there. Your grandpa.

Grandpa.

Forgive them, friend.

By swear of my enmity.

Come.

Yes, son. That's good.

Come. Come.

He's your grandson.

This is the spirit. Here, take him.

We, the human are strange.

We send big rockets far away to the space.

But we ignore the small complaints of our near ones.

Are you happy now?

Did you do this for me?

Yes, son.

We, Punjabis can break bones.

But we can't break a heart. - Yes!

But this is cheating, you know.

I will yell and tell everyone

that you have defeated me with your goodness.

Seriously. I thought you are robbers.

But you've brought back my treasure.

I forgive all your mistakes.

And now my daughter is yours.

Really? Final? Come here.

So, is this alliance final?

But I have a condition.

Please, I will do anything.

I will become a celibate.

I will get the vasectomy done. - Hey.

Please, don't put another condition.

I can't do it.

Listen to the condition first.

This marriage will take place by Gujarati and Punjabi rituals.

Yes, of course.

It will be called as Patel's Punjabi wedding.

"O bride your groom has come with the wedding procession."

"Bride, your groom has come to marry you."

Now you also sing something.

"Play the clarinet and beat the drums."

"Clarinet and drums."

"Clarinet and drums."

"Play the clarinet and beat the drums."

"Play the clarinet and beat the drums."

Come on - "The groom's hair is shining bright."

"The groom's hair is shining bright."

"Bring the auspicious henna for him."

"Bring the auspicious henna for him."

"Henna leaves its colour on my groom's palm."

Someone please sing the song of henna.

"Henna sapling is planted in Gujarat"

"and it's colour spread across the Punjab."

"Henna has spread its colour."

"Henna sapling is planted in Gujarat"

"and it's colour spread across the Punjab."

"Henna has spread its colour."

Now sing something from your side.

"Ballay ballay"

"Dance on the tunes of Punjabi."

"She can't walk without proper sole in the footwear."

"Dance on the tunes of Punjabi."

"Ballay ballay"

"Red car has come with flowers, O bride."

"You've all the comforts at your in-law's house."

"If you marry my brother, you will fly to the foreign country."

"You've all the comforts at your in-law's house, Bride."

"Red car has come with flowers, O bride."

"You've all the comforts at your in-law's house."

Come, girls, start dancing. Come on, dance.

Come, ladies. Don't feel shy. Come with me.