Original subtitles

Oh, come to the church in the wild wood

Oh, come to the church...

Come sing with me, happy.

Come sing with me, huh? Let me look at that hoof.

Let me see that hoof. Come on. Yeah.

Yeah, that's... That's pretty good.

That's healing up pretty good.

Oh, come to the church in the wild wood

Oh, Mr. Parsons!

Rufe, did you hurt yourself?

'Twarn't me. It was that dagnabbed goat.

I'm going to shoot him dead!

That... that demented, pea-brained, lop-eared disaster!

I'm going to truly be glad to see the end of him!

Oh, land's sake. He didn't mean any harm.

He's a sneaking monster.

He done it afore, and he done it again.

There I was, doing my chores, singing right pretty.

I bent over, and wham! He lets me have it right...

Rufus!

Right on the underside of my lap.

But I have had it. I am through with that goat.

I'm going to go get my rifle,

and I'm going to take care of that goat right now!

Now, you just pull up a minute there!

Now, rufe...

My goodness, it's downright shameful

the way you're acting in front of a child.

The goat can wait.

But Laura has to get home, and we owe her the hiring out money.

Well, maybe you're right. Business afore pleasure.

But I'm going to take care of that goat,

and I'm going to take care of him good.

Well, I'll leave you two to do the settling up.

I got supper on the stove.

Good-bye, Laura. You say hello to your ma.

Laura: I will. Bye-bye.

You bring me back my rifle.

Now, let's see, Laura. Can I borrow your tablet?

Yes, sir.

Let me figure this out.

You started working for my missis, uh...

Last Tuesday, right?

No, sir. Monday.

Oh. Monday.

You sure you started working last Monday?

Yes, sir.

Monday.

This goat doesn't seem so bad to me.

Well, he's ornery. Take my word for it.

Monday. This being Thursday,

that's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...

That's 4 days, right?

4 days...

That comes to 30 cents total, right?

No, sir.

40 cents.

Oh... oh, yeah!

I took away when I should've added to.

40 cents.

Are you really going to shoot this goat, Mr. Parsons?

Laura, that goat is breathing his last

as soon as my missis brings me my rifle.

Now, let me see...

40 cents.

Uh... 40 cents. That's 10, 12...

Uh, Laura... I ain't exactly got the right change.

Would you settle for 39 cents?

Mr. Parsons, I might be willing...

If you're really, cross your heart, going to shoot this goat...

To take him instead.

I reckon, though, it's kind of silly...

Him being as mean and ornery as you say.

You mean to tell me that you'd...

That you'd trade for this walleyed grass chewer

instead of taking cash money?

Well, now, maybe I been bearing down a mite heavy on his mean points.

And anyone can plainly see

that you got an eye for prime goat-types.

I do?

You sure do.

Actually, what I got here is a extra special goat.

You do?

Yep... the last of his kind.

If he's so special,

why are you going to shoot him?

Well, me and him are like flint and steel and fire and water.

We don't get along. Never did get along.

Now, just look at... Look at that!

I sure would hate to shoot him

after watching the way he's turning them big brown eyes on you.

He does sort of like me.

Like you?

Like you? Honey, that, there's pure adoration. That's plum love.

Now, what's it going to be, Laura? Plumb up to you.

Are you going to take these here few paltry coins,

or are you going to save the life

of that extra special, only-one-of-his-kind goat,

that anyone can plainly see has took to you

like a hornworm to a... To a tomato.

That's it... A hornworm to a tomato.

And, honey, that's a lot of tooking.

Well...

I guess I'll take the goat.

Hello, spot.

It's okay. This is your new friend.

Well... here's home.

You know, just looking up answers to homework questions

isn't too hard,

but writing a long essay on why things happened...

Is a lot more work.

That's why miss beadle is such a good teacher.

She wants you to think.

Laura... what on earth is that?

Well, it's a goat.

Well, I know it's a goat,

but what are you doing with it?

Well, I haven't quite figured that out exactly yet.

Well, he's... he's kind of nice, don't you think?

I want to know where you got him.

Well, he belonged to Mr. Parsons.

You see, he didn't like Mr. Parsons,

and Mr. Parsons didn't like him.

Well, anyway, it was kind of like

water and oil... Or flint and steel.

Well, if I hadn't been there then,

he would be dead right now.

I saved his life.

You saved Mr. Parsons' life?

No, silly... The goat's.

Well, anyway, he's a very special goat,

the last of his kind.

He's quite handsome, at that.

And being a Billy goat, you can give him

a name that'll really fit him.

How about William the conqueror?

Well, that's a good name,

but I've already decided to call him Fred.

- Fred? - Fred?

Yeah. He kind of looks like a Fred.

I'm not sure your pa will appreciate your having a goat.

But you know how pa likes animals,

and he's sure to like Fred

once he finds out how friendly Fred is.

Hey, that's it!

I'll name him Fred, the friendly goat.

Well, why don't you take friendly Fred

and put him in the barn until your pa comes home?

There's plenty of time before supper,

and I'm sure you have homework.

Yeah...

I got to study my intos.

Your what?

You know... Like 10 goes into 60,

and 9 goes into 54.

That kind of stuff.

Come on, Fred.

Pffff!

Oh, Charles...

You have had a hard day.

No worse than the other two.

A few more mosquitoes,

and I got bit by 3 mud wasps.

- Ohh! - Another fun day.

Well, at least you're through with this horrible job.

Well, no more, no less. Just the right amount.

I hope Phineas jenks chokes on it.

Charles!

Sweating for 3 days in that swamp for $8.00.

It's slave wages, and he knows it.

Charles, there's a hot tub and dry clothes in the barn.

You go on. I'll finish this.

I could kiss you for that.

- Don't!

Unh.

Mmm!

Oh, what a day.

Oh, Charles, I forgot to tell you. There's a goat...

in the barn.

Something funny?

I'm sorry, pa.

It's just that... I got to thinking about...

How Laura named her goat "friendly Fred."

Friendly Fred. I've seen more friendship

when I poked a hole in a hornet's nest.

I don't see anything funny about it.

Yes, pa.

You don't think it's funny, do you?

No, sir.

I guess I just feel sort of sorry for Fred.

Sorry for Fred? What about me?

I didn't butt Fred.

Well, what I mean is...

Well, maybe Fred thought he was doing a good thing.

Maybe he thought you were a robber,

and he was protecting the barn.

Charles: He was protecting the barn?

You know what he did in the barn?

He ate half a bushel of oats,

he tore the feed bin off the wall,

not to mention what he did to me.

I'm sorry you don't like him, pa.

Half-pint, it's not a matter of me liking Fred.

I really don't know him that well.

Unless you can come up with a good reason for keeping him,

I think we should consider getting rid of him.

Maybe...

Maybe he'd eat the weeds out of ma's garden!

Caroline: He probably would...

After he ate the tomatoes, the squash,

the peas, and the beets.

Your mother's right. You're going to have to do better than that.

Mary: Oh, pa... I looked up cattail leaves

in a book at school today.

They use them to make chair seats and all kinds of fine furniture.

I frankly don't care what they do with them,

as long as I just sell them to Phineas jenks,

get rid of them, and get my $8.00.

Ohh.

That bed's going to look awful good to me tonight.

Laura: Pa?

Did you know that Fred was a very special goat?

He's the last of his kind.

I certainly hope so.

Mary... are you awake?

No.

If you were asleep, you wouldn't have said, "no."

Do you have any ideas?

I mean, about Fred.

There must be something a goat can do.

Seems like he's done too much already.

Not bad things...

I mean good things.

Well, I've read where they make real expensive purses and gloves

out of goat leather.

- Mary! - I'm sorry.

Anyway, worrying about it won't do much good.

And maybe pa will feel better about Fred in the morning...

After he's had a good rest.

Good night, Laura.

Yeah. Good night, Mary.

Ohh.

Hmm.

Why don't you sleep in tomorrow? At least until 6.

Hmm... I wish I could, but I can't.

Harvesting those rushes has got me way behind in the rest of my work.

I'll be fine. Don't worry.

Both: Hmm...

You have a good sleep.

Aah!

Oh, no.

Friendly Fred!

Jack!

Come back here! Stay there!

I don't want you scaring Fred.

Be back in a minute, ma.

I have to feed Fred his breakfast.

Oh, no.

Fred!

Oh, no!

How could you do this?

Here... come here.

Come on.

You know it's going to take me hours in that swamp

to replace what he's eaten so far?

It was my fault, pa.

I should've fed Fred sooner.

Half-pint, there comes a time in everybody's life

when they have to face the facts,

and the facts are that that goat is destructive,

that goat is a menace, and that goat is going to go!

But, pa, if we build a place for him...

No ifs, ands, or buts.

I want that goat gone, and I want him gone today.

Today.

Now see what you've done.

Oh! Dad burn it!

Jack, will you get away from me?

Old Dan Tucker was a fine old man

washed his face in a frying pan

combed his hair with a wagon wheel

died with a toothache in his heel

get out of the way for old Dan Tucker

it's too late to get your supper

supper's over and dinner cookin'

old Dan Tucker is just a-standin' there lookin'

Pa?

What in sassafras...

What are you doing sneaking up on a man like that?

I wasn't sneaking...

Just walking soft, the way you taught me.

Oh.

What you doing?

I'm supposed to ask you that.

Ain't you supposed to be in school?

That's where I was going.

I saw you and thought maybe you found a new shortcut to town.

Now, you fess up. You thought I was going fishing, didn't you?

I guess I was hoping.

I ain't got time for fishing today. Too busy.

I'm too busy for a passel of questions, too, so you just go on.

Get on to school. Go on.

Now, hold on there just a minute.

What I'm doing here... This, uh...

This is kind of a secret.

You mean you don't want me to tell ma?

Well, it... It don't just mean your ma.

See, I don't want you telling anybody

about this place or what I'm doing.

What are you doing?

Oh.

Well, um... I'm inventing.

That's what I'm doing. I'm inventing in here.

Had something in my head. Thought I'd give her a try.

Sure smells bad.

Well, you got to put up with some of that at first.

After I get it finished, it'll smell fine.

What is it?

Oh, it's a... A...

It's a new brand of turpentine. That's what it is.

It's very dangerous.

It's, uh... It's going to be a boon to mankind...

Thin paint, take spots out of your clothes,

and the snap out of your suspenders.

Will it take the pitch off my hands?

It's a mite strong for that. Likely to burn holes in you.

I'll stay clear from it.

Yeah. Um... This... What I'm doing here...

This is our secret, just between you and me.

Yes, sir.

I got to go.

Old Dan Tucker was a fine old man

washed his face in a frying pan

combed his hair with a wagon wheel

died of a toothache in his heel

get out of the way for old Dan Tucker...

Aah!

Laura: Willie. Willie!

What do you want?

Come here!

I got something special to show you.

What's that thing?

What do you mean, "thing"?

It's a goat, and a very special goat.

The last of his kind.

Can't be so special if you own him.

What good's a goat, anyway?

A lot you know, Willie oleson.

Why, a goat like this is practically priceless.

I couldn't even begin to tell you

all the things he's good for.

Yeah? Name one.

Well, there's nothing like a goat for protecting your barn.

We ain't got a barn.

Well... Then there's cheese.

Everybody knows that goat's milk

makes just about the best cheese that there is.

Cheese... I guess I sort of like cheese.

That's regular cheese you're talking about.

But goat's cheese is better than anything.

It's so yummy, you'll never want to eat anything else.

Well, I'd best be getting to school.

Come on, Fred.

Plenty of time before school yet. You just hold on!

I want to hear some more about that goat cheese.

Boy, that Laura Ingalls thinks she's so smart.

I just put one over on her, ma.

I talked her into selling me this here genuine goat

for practically nothing.

Uh-huh. That's nice, dear.

Only you shouldn't take advantage of her.

After all, we're the business people, and she's not.

Business is right!

I'm going to make a fortune selling cheese.

Uh-huh. That's nice, dear.

You better hurry on now to school,

or you're going to be late.

Sure, ma. See you, Fred.

Goat?

Willie!

Willie, you come on back here!

Oh, for heaven's sake!

You mean you owned a goat?

An honest-to-goodness goat?

Yep. And I named him Fred.

And you sold him to Willie?

Boy, if I owned a goat, I'd never sell him.

Well, I sort of had to.

Fred and my pa didn't get along.

Boy: And I got your hat!

Let's get him!

Ohh! Oh, mercy! You let go of that!

Get away from there, you nasty thing!

Ooh! Ooh! Oh, for heaven's sakes!

Aah! Get out of here!

Get! Get! Go on!

Get out of here! Oh, for heaven's sakes.

You nasty thing! Ohh!

Oh! Ohh!

Oh, my... Ohh!

Oh, I never saw anything like that!

Oh!

Aah!

Ohh...

Ick!

Here's my essay, miss beadle.

Oh, very good, Mary. Thank you.

I'll be looking at them all over the weekend.

- I hope you like it. - I'm sure I will.

Mrs. Oleson: Willie! Where is that Laura Ingalls?

Nellie! Willie!

- What are you looking at? - Ma!

What happened?

You be quiet and come along and listen to me.

Get out of my way!

Laura Ingalls, look at me!

Now, this is all your doing!

Mrs. Oleson, what happened?

What happened?

Well, I'll tell you what happened.

I was viciously attacked by that loathsome monster

that this... This swindling moppet

foisted off on my poor Willie.

I didn't swindle Willie, Mrs. Oleson.

Did so!

How'd she do it, ma?

A Billy goat... To make cheese?

- Oh. - Oh.

Oh!

Give me back my stuff!

Mrs. Oleson: And hurry up about it!

Two aggies, one mig, 9 cents, and a genuine Barlow knife.

It's all there.

And I didn't cheat you!

Did so! And you can have your old goat back.

Where is he?

Huh! That, young lady, is your concern.

I'm not sure what this is all about,

but I do know it's time to go back to school.

Come on, children.

Oh, no!

My essay!

Laura, get that goat out of here!

He's eaten my essay.

Mary: Get out of here.

Take him, Laura.

My essay.

I know how you feel, Laura.

But I like Fred.

You're about the only one.

Even my sister is mad at him.

Being popular just ain't one of his main points.

What am I going to do with him?

I can't take him back home.

Or back to Mr. Parsons.

Or... or anywhere as far as I can think.

There's got to be someone

who would like a nice goat like Fred.

Look, we asked all the kids in school

and they all said no.

Can't blame them for backing off...

After seeing what Fred did to Mary's essay and Mrs. Oleson.

He didn't mean to be bad.

People just don't understand him, that's all.

That's it! My pa!

Do you think your pa would let us keep Fred at your place?

There ain't no one likes animals like pa.

Come on!

Pa has a way with critters.

Why, old Fred'll take to pa

like that Damon and pythias book we've been reading.

Hey, I bet you're right!

I remember my pa saying that your pa

sweet-talked a bear out of a honey tree once.

Hi, pa!

Hello, son!

Yes, sir, Fred, you done found yourself a new home.

Fred, no!

Whoa!

There's another idea that sure didn't last long.

It's getting near dinnertime.

Oh, Fred. What are we going to do now?

Tomorrow's Saturday.

We'll have most all the day to think of something.

But what are we going to do with him for tonight?

I've been thinking some on that, too.

I know a real good place, but you got to promise you'll never tell.

Sure! But...

Cross your heart?

Word of honor?

Hope the rats will eat you up?

I won't tell anybody.

Well... okay, come on.

Boy!

A real secret place in the woods.

How'd you find it?

Pa fixed it up.

I found him here one day, accidental like.

It's his thinking place.

He made me promise not to tell anybody about it,

but this here's an emergency.

Yep, old Fred'll be just fine for one night here.

What's this crock and stuff for?

Pa said he's inventing some new kind of turpentine.

I wasn't supposed to tell about that, either.

They use raisins and sugar to make turpentine?

I guess my pa does.

It's getting dark.

We'd best beat it on home.

Good-bye, Fred. Don't you fret.

We'll be back bright and early in the morning.

Jenks: You sure you got 30 pounds here, Ingalls?

I gave you full measure, jenks, in spite of what you're paying for it.

All right.

Best quality.

Hmm... tolerable, tolerable.

I'm glad you're satisfied. I'd like my money.

Well, now, Ingalls, I hate to say this,

but the best I can do is $5.00.

What do you mean $5.00? You promised me 8!

It ain't my fault. Got a telegram yesterday.

The price has dropped down in the rush market.

Jenks, when I make a deal with a man, I keep it.

Business is business.

We got nothing in writing, Ingalls.

$5.00, take it or leave it.

Not going to take it. I'd rather burn the rushes first.

Charles...

I'm tired of being cheated by him!

You want the $5.00, yes or no?

I be a busy man.

Make up your mind, Ingalls.

- Load it yourself. - Good.

Soon as we give Fred these oats,

we'll take him to the south fork road.

There's lots of farms there.

There's bound to be someone who'd like a nice old goat like Fred.

Especially when they find out that he's the last of his kind.

Fred!

He's sick, Carl. Awful sick!

That's why. He's been drinking pa's invention.

It's probably poison!

He's likely to die.

We got to get him to doc baker.

Get that side. Hurry!

Dr. Baker: With you in a minute.

Laura, Carl... You know better than to bring a goat in here.

But that's why we brought him.

You've got to help him, doc baker.

He's been poisoned.

Can't have folks seeing a goat in my office.

Ho there, grace!

Oh, just a minute, Isaiah.

Forgot my lunch. I'm so hungry, my belly thinks my throat's cut.

Well, you come on and share mine.

That's a fine idea.

I can say with absolute medical certainty

that this goat is not going to die.

This goat is swozzle-eyed,

addlepated, sodden-brained drunk!

Both: Drunk?

Yeah. And as much as I'm dying to ask how, I'm not going to.

I just want that drunken goat out of my office!

Oh... here's this package I've been looking for.

What are you doing, doc? You're all wet.

That's very funny, Edwards!

Here, let me give you a hand.

Unh. What happened?

I feel like I got nailed by a cannonball.

Edwards: Is there anything I can do to help you?

I'll make an appointment with myself.

Just... keep that drunken goat away from me!

A drunken goat?

Well, whoever heard of such a thing?

Oh... ooh! Why, he's right!

That goat's as drunk as a lumberjack on payday!

All right, now, children, how did that goat get drunk?

Pa?

Don't you "pa" me. Now, you tell your mother.

It was up at your thinking place, pa.

Grace: Thinking place?

Laura: I guess Fred got sort of thirsty.

He drank up all of your new invention.

You know, the new kind of turpentine you're making...

With raisins and sugar.

Raisins and sugar, hmm?

A thinking place?

Sounds more like a drinking place to me.

We'll talk more on this later, Mr. Edwards!

You know, I recall some years back there, up in the rockies,

had myself a real fine meal... roast goat!

But we love Fred.

Oh, I love him, too... With biscuits and gravy.

If I see that goat again, that's the way I'm going to fix him.

Think Fred's feeling better?

He must be.

Burping always makes you feel better.

Poor Fred.

Poor Fred? What about me?

I got ma mad at pa, and pa mad at me.

Well, it wasn't Fred's fault.

What are we arguing about?

It's just a goat.

No, he's not just a goat.

He's the last of his kind.

I hope so.

Now you sound just like my pa.

What's that supposed to mean?

Never mind.

I think we ought to just leave him.

Leave him?

Yeah. Take him as far away from town as we can and leave him.

Well, who will take care of him?

I don't know...

God.

God takes care of everything.

God.

Yes... god!

Laura, don't go praying for a goat.

I'm not praying, I'm thinking.

It's just like you said.

All I said was leave him.

That's not what you said.

You said that god will take care of him.

And who is closest to god?

Jesus.

No, silly, I mean in walnut grove.

Reverend Alden! Come on, let's go.

Laura...

Come on.

Yep, he's in there...

Setting the room up for church tomorrow.

If there's anybody that can help us, it'll be him.

We better go now. Come on.

Come on, Fred.

Yes, love all creatures, great and small.

That is a great lesson from the lord.

It tells us in the Bible that the lord gave man dominion

over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air

and over the cattle...

And over everything that moveth on the earth.

Both: Ahem.

Well, this is a nice surprise on this fine day.

Can't stay away from school even on Saturday?

Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir.

We came to see you.

About Fred.

Fred?

You see, nobody likes Fred.

Me and Carl, we like him,

but my pa doesn't like him,

and Carl's pa doesn't like him.

Mary don't like him.

Mrs. Oleson can't stand him,

and Mr. Parsons was going to shoot him.

Doc baker doesn't exactly hunker to him, either.

Oh, come, come. Surely you exaggerate.

Those folks you mentioned, I know them well.

They're good people.

They have room in their heart for compassion and understanding.

Well, I think most folks have run out of room for Fred.

This Fred...

I don't know any Fred.

Is he new to walnut grove?

Well... he isn't a people, reverend Alden. He...

You got to admit, reverend Alden was hard put

on that compassion and understanding stuff.

Well, that's what made me make up my mind.

If Fred can't get along with a minister, well...

We just got to do it, that's all.

Yeah. And this is as good a place as any.

We're about as far away from town as we dare go.

Got to turn you loose, Fred.

There's lots of grass.

There's a brook to drink from.

I can't do it.

You have to.

You even said yourself,

he can't even get along with a minister.

Someone's got to love him.

My pa would... With biscuits and gravy.

I'm sorry, Laura. You better say good-bye.

There's just the two of us.

People just don't seem to understand.

Go on.

Go on, darn goat!

Go on!

Go on!

We did the right thing.

I hope.

Jumping jehosaphat!

Caroline: That was a very fiery sermon the reverend Alden gave this morning.

Yes, indeed... The wages of sin.

Really had the folks stirred up.

Guess he changed his mind.

He said he was going to talk about...

"Love all creatures, great and small."

Whoa.

Look who's coming... Phineas jenks.

I'd hoped we'd seen the last of him.

Probably figured out another scheme to cheat me.

Whoa.

Ingalls...

Got to speak to you.

Start talking, jenks.

I need your help. Willing to pay good money for it.

That's the only way you'd get it, jenks,

but I still doubt I'm interested.

Need another load of them rushes. Need them bad.

What happened to the load I sold you?

You wouldn't believe what happened, Ingalls.

It was ate by a great, evil, monstrous goat

while I was sleeping.

And what he didn't eat, he trampled to bits.

Huh. A goat.

That's right.

Now, I got me a contract with this firm in Kansas City,

and I got to have a load of rushes to them

come Saturday next, or I lose my contract.

There's a penalty clause, too. Stand to lose my shirt.

I think you'd look good without a shirt, jenks.

It ain't funny. Now, I'll make the same deal with you as before, Ingalls.

$8.00 for another load.

No, no, no, no. I wouldn't even consider it for $8.00.

I might give it a bit of consideration for...

$12 cash, in advance.

Jenks: T... 12?

Why don't you just stick a gun in my ribs?

You keep arguing about it, jenks, I'll make it 13.

Uh, no, no. You got me over a barrel.

Here... 5...

Charles: Mm-hmm.

10.

That was 12, jenks.

11... 12.

Be back Wednesday for them rushes.

They'll be here.

But you better know one thing, Ingalls!

This be the last time I do business with you!

I'll really miss you, jenks.

Yah!

Ha ha!

Pa, that goat... It had to be...

Fred. Of course it was. Up to his same old tricks.

Not an old trick, pa. This is a new trick. He did a good thing.

I think this time you're right.

Laura: Don't you remember, pa? It's like what you said.

You said that if I could come up with a good reason,

I could keep Fred.

Oh, now, half-pint, you know very well

what I meant by a good reason.

What I meant was...

I'm sorry, Charles. All you said was a good reason.

There were no strings attached.

- There were no strings? - No.

Mary: Well, he did eat my essay.

There, you see?

But I guess he made up for it, pa.

I like Fred.

All right. Like jenks said a minute ago,

I guess you got me over a barrel.

All right, we'll give Fred one more chance.

Oh, thank you, pa!

And I'll teach him to behave. I promise.

I got to go find him.

You better hide this. He'll eat it.

He will!

Fred!

Fred, where are you?

Fred!

Fred!

Fred.

Fred...

Fred, oh, Fred.

I knew I could find you. And I can keep you, Fred.

I can keep you.

Come on, let's go home.

What's the matter, Fred?

Come on!

Not that way! Fred!

Not that way!

Nanny goats.

Dozens of them.

Guess that means you'd rather live here, huh?

Well, Fred, one thing's for sure...

You're not going to be the last of your kind.