All language subtitles for Gothic Slayers 2025 1080p WEB-DL x265-NeoNoir.ENG

Careful, Icarus.

♪ Get out the way ♪

♪ You've seen enough ♪

♪ No need to stay ♪

♪ You're taking
up too much room ♪

♪ Don't go away ♪

♪ Maybe I changed my mind ♪

♪ Tell me what I'm
supposed to say... ♪

To make you stay ♪

♪ And I know and I
know, and I know ♪

♪ That it's all over now ♪

♪ And I'll try and I'll
try and I'll find ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

Hyah!

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Better stay clear of me ♪

♪ You know what's up ♪

♪ Nothing to say ♪

♪ You know it'll
crash and burn ♪

♪ I don't mean a thing I say ♪

♪ You know me much better now ♪

♪ Tell me how I'm
supposed to pray ♪

♪ To make you stay ♪

♪ And I know and I
know, and I know... ♪

Nice driving, losers.

I'm fucking
athletic as hell.

- Seriously, man.
- Whoops.

- You're very athletic.
- I've seen your pecs, bro.

I don't know, dude. People
are saying that golf

isn't like a real sport, but
I was like, "What the fuck?"

- Seriously, what the fuck?
- No.

Whoa!

Hey, you
want a couple pointers?

Oh, yes. Sorry, I don't
mean to bother you.

Yeah. Well, that was a left-hand
drive, so that was wrong.

- Oh.
- But don't worry, I'm here to help you.

You see, the key to a good
swing is all in the...

...hips.

Now, let's try again.

I want blue.

Oh, blue is too big for you.

Pink is the perfect size.

I don't want pink. Pink is dumb.

Oh, pink is so totally not dumb.
I mean, think about flamingos.

They're pink.
They're pretty cool.

You seem like a flamingo
kind of guy to me.

No? Not an animal guy?

My grandma says it's pathetic

you work at a mini golf course.

Your grandma said that?

Wait, who's your grandma?
Does she know me?

One, two, 3.50 is your change.

No refunds on lost balls.

Oh, also, don't make eye contact

with the squirrel
statue on hole five.

People say it's haunted.

Oh, how interesting.

Okay. Thank you
so much, sweetie.

Ma'am, I'm flattered by
your obvious flirting,

but you should know I only
have eyes for one girl,

and she is not you.

What is it like being
in your twenties

and still having your
mom plan out your outfit?

Oh, okay.

Uh, well, you know,
what's it like

not being eligible for
the pizza raffle anymore?

Did you think about that?

Ow! Son of a bi... scuit.

- What happened?
- He called me a flamingo.

I did not.

- What is your name?
- Uh, that's Ben, and I'm Dylan.

Let us know if you need anything
else. Uh, besides romance.

Like I said, uh, not interested.

Yeah, no, your manager's
going to hear about this.

Well, hey, you're in luck. This
is the future manager right here,

so we'll take all your positive
feedback whenever you're ready.

-Ooh, yeah. Well done.
-Ooh, that... Yeah, that was really good.

- That was really good. Yeah.
- That felt really good.

It felt really good from here too.

-All right, let's do this again. Ready?
-Okay.

- Hey, what's wrong man?
- She's not going to give positive feedback.

- She's pissed.
- Oh, well,

I did break her heart,
so that makes sense.

Why can't we get
that kind of respect?

Right. Yeah,
like she's impressed.

You're so amazing.

She's just saying that.

I respect you so much.

Dude, you're gonna get the job. You're like Mr. Putt-Putt.

- Mini golf.
- Why are you so crazy about that?

- Everyone calls it putt-putt.
- It's in the sign.

Well, I mean,
technically, that says...

You ever wish your
life had ended up,

I don't know, differently?

You mean, like if
we were ninjas?

- Professional wrestlers?
- No, not like...

Well, kinda. I mean,
without the ninja part.

-So, professional wrestlers.
-No, no. I mean, like college, girls.

You know, like them.

Uh, no.

Our lives are sweet, dude.

Ten years from now, they're gonna
have some big, successful career,

giant houses,
beautiful families.

But what are they going to talk
about when they see each other?

All the fun, stupid stuff
they did when they were young.

When they're sitting back, wishing they
could go back and relive the glory days,

we're gonna be right
here, together,

living the exact same
amazingly awesome life

we're living right now.

Yeah, I guess.

Come on, man. What could
be better than this?

Ow! Mother...

- Losers.
- What?

Mm-hm.

You dare approach a holy knight

on the sacred land of his father

and his fathers before him?

Foul demon,

you truly are as foolish as you look.

For I am Dougie of
the House of Harris,

and I shall not be bested
by the likes of you!

Hey, Dougie.

Hey.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Oh, nice.

Fore.

You fought bravely,
good sir knight.

Two Fudgy Penguins.
Have a brr-illiant day.

Welcome to the Arctic Circle,
where the only thing colder than...

- Oh.
- Hey, Jenny.

- Dylan. Ben.
- Hey.

Uh, three twists, with
yours in a kiddie cup?

I love that you know my order.

Yeah, well, you come
here every day, so...

Oh, you.

Um, I'll take sprinkles.

- It's been a rough day.
- Uh, hey, buddy, this round's on me.

I... can afford it.

Did you see her smile at me?

- Uh, yeah.
- Yeah.

There you go.

- Thank you.
- Three twists. And there.

Uh, hey, any time,
free putt-putt. On me.

- I know.
- Any time.

Next.

- Free putt-putt.
- Next!

I think I'm making
some real progress.

Yeah. I mean, she didn't slam your
fingers in the window this time.

Come on, man,
that only happened thrice.

Ready for a Mega Comets rematch?

Oh. Hey, I call dibs
on red controller.

Blue controller is
definitely busted.

Oh, dude, you're just so
mad that you keep losing.

You know, Lenny told
me they got a bunch of new games,

including Gothic Slayers 4!

- No way!
- No way!

Oh.

- Oh.
- Oh.

- Oh, dang, are those your karate khakis?
- Yeah.

Did it start raining?

Who are they?

Have they been staring
at us this whole time?

I don't know.

- Let's get the fuck out of here.
- Not before you fix that stain.

- You don't want it to set while we're driving.
- Oh. Okay.

Stain's gone. Go, go, go!

Arcade, here we come.

Oh, good. It
stopped raining.

Truck.

Cones. Child.

- Losers.
- Step on it.

I want to get there before
the middle school lets out.

Say no more.

Oh, no!

Perfect.

Uh, rumor has it
we're getting a pool.

- What? A pool?
- Yep. Mm-hm.

- Where would it even go?
- Uh, at the bottom of the range.

Everyone swimming
would be given helmets.

Garlic smash.

- Who said this?
- Keith.

- Keith?
- I, I like Keith.

You can't trust a
word Keith says.

Remember that time he
said they were getting

a laser tag course
with real lasers?

Oh, shit,
that would be fucking tight.

Apparently, the creators
of Gothic Slayers,

they spent about six months
studying hemodynamics

just to make the game as
authentic as possible.

Oh, that's the
study of blood flow.

- That's cool, Derek.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Hey, have you
checked out the new prizes yet?

We got a shipment
of new bouncy balls,

and they bounce really high.

Oh, no, no. I missed the
heart. Save me. Save me.

Hold on. Got one on my left.

Player one mauled
by Gothic horrors. Join them in hell.

- Sweet. I'm up.
- Continue.

Welcome back.

Double stake. Combo.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

- Guess who just walked in.
- Jenny?

- Shit. They saw us. Pretend like you didn't see them.
- Uh...

- Dougie.
- I panicked.

Fucking piece of shit. Damn it!

- Hi, there.
- We saw you outside our house.

You know what? Yeah.
Yeah, that was me.

And that was you. Oh, my
gosh, small world.

We just moved here.

Well, howdy-ho there, neighbor.

Very cool
house, by the way.

Mm. Very macabre.

Uh, I am Dougie.

- This here is Ben and Dylan.
- Hey, what's up?

- What are you playing?
- Uh, Gothic Slayers 4.

It's this game where you go around
killing these Gothic freaks.

Not that we have a problem
with Goths or anything.

- No, we think Goths are cool.
- Mm.

Beware
of the Goth chicks!

High five.

Pfft. Silly machine.

Strong.

Aren't you?

I mean, I have, I have big bones,
but it's like a medical thing.

Durable skin.

Thank you.

Would you like to
take a walk with us?

Oh. Uh...

Uh, uh, sure. Yeah.

Hey, guys, I'm gonna
go on a walk. Oh. I guess.

- Do your thing, man.
- Uh, nachos.

- Oh. Uh...
- Oh, shit.

You know, apparently, the
creators of Gothic Slayers

spent about nine months
on a fisherman's boat

on the Black Sea learning
about knot theories.

Cool, Derek.

Enter more quarters
or we will all die.

- Hey, where's Dougie?
- Getting us nachos, right?

I don't see him.

- Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit.

- Dude.
- ...five, four, three, two...

- Ah.
- Back toGothic Slayers, part four.

Dude, how long are we
going to stay on this hole?

I'll get it. I'm getting closer.

- Hey, putt putt pervs.
- Putt putt pervs.

Uh, Ben actually prefers
if you call it "mini golf."

- How are things at the MILF hut?
- What do you want, Brian?

You bogeys need to go collect the
golf balls at the driving range.

- What? It's not our job.
- Uh.

Well, Sir dork-a-lot Doogie
didn't show up for work today.

Uh, it's actually pronounced "Sir
dork-a-lot Dougie," so...

Wait. He didn't show
up for work today?

Oh, I'm sorry, he
wasn't speaking Elf,

so you must not
have understood him.

It's Elvish, not Elf.

Ignoramus.

Let's do it this way.

No nerds over there,
two nerds here,

so nerds here need to go
pick up balls over there.

Botuu.

What did you just say?

Did he just hit on me?

Stop.

- I'll play you for it.
- Huh.

- Loser collects the balls.
- Uh, Ben.

- Which hole?
- Why not right here?

Okay, I'm just
gonna have a quick sidebar

with my partner
here, so excuse us.

Uh, dude,
I say this with love.

- You suck big time.
- I'm getting closer.

You couldn't par a hole if
our lives depended on it.

Hey, are you guys
done touching tips?

If you lose, I might not
make it in time to see Jenny.

I wouldn't let that happen.

You trust me?

Yeah, of course.

Are you guys done touching tips?

- We heard you the first time, Brian.
- Hm.

Closest to the hole wins?

Hm.

Be the ball.

Be the ball.

Jukkete.

Putt-putt pervs.

Thanks again, putt-putt fuckers.

Oh.

Looks like you missed a few.

Oh, Ben.

I fished this out for you.

Thought you might need your lucky ball.

Lucky.

Do you want to maybe
swing by Dougie's tonight

- to check on him?
- Oh, she's still here.

Dude, screw Dougie. He owes
us for covering him tonight.

I'm talking paying for every
game next arcade night.

Hey, Jenny.

I thought I lucked out.

Uh, you actually lucked in.

Hey, you haven't seen
Dougie today, have you?

I have no idea who that is.

Good one.

Just two twists tonight.

Babe.

- Yeah?
- Two twists.

Cool.
You're named Babe?

- What is that, French?
- No.

His name is Cody. He
just started today.

He's my boyfriend.

Wait. I, I'm confused.

Is he French or not?

- Oh.
- Let me guess.

Dylan. Hey.

Hey, man, it is
great to meet you.

Oh. All right, look out.

What type of cone can I get you?

- Uh, he likes the kiddie cup.
- Uh, waffle cone.

Are you sure?

That's a lot of cone.

I can handle my cone.

Dougie?

-That's a lot of cone. That's a big jump.
-You're a lot of cone.

- This guy is great.
- I can do it.

- Just get him the cone.
- I can't be liable for a tummy ache.

Hey, buddy, don't
worry about my tummy.

I've got a tough tummy.
A damn tough tummy.

Hey, I take
that as a compliment. You...

Well, then you're wel...

- My twist.
- Our friend was just kidnapped

- and all you're thinking about is ice cream?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

He was just standing there all creepy-like,
and then they just grabbed him.

- Who grabbed who?
- You didn't see any of that?

I saw my life crumble around me
when Jenny called that guy "Babe."

No. The Goth
family from yesterday,

they drove their van up, grabbed
Dougie and threw him in the back.

Oh, just because he's hanging out with
them, doesn't mean he was kidnapped.

- No, no, no. You didn't see it.
- Was he in handcuffs?

- No.
- Did you scream for help?

- No.
- Do you think Jenny's boyfriend's

- more attractive than me?
- No.

- Wait. What?
- Look, nothing's going on there,

with Dougie or with Jenny
and that French guy.

- Maybe you're right.
- Probably just too much Gothic Slayerslast night.

Yeah, probably.

Oh, my God, I'm starving.

Thinking what I'm thinking?

Dude.

Man, Derek wasn't kidding.

These bouncy balls do go high.

Do you really think I'll
get the manager position?

Dude.

100%.

I mean, who else would get it?

Nana always tells me,

"If you really want something,
it'll find its way to you."

Yeah, totally.

And, uh, I, I really
want it, real bad.

Are you okay?

You're not still upset you lost
to those caddie bros, are you?

No.

Kinda, yeah.

Not just losing to
them, but sometimes,

I don't know, I feel like
I'm kinda losing in general.

Like, I see these people
doing these great things,

and I'm just kinda
stuck, you know?

Dylan?

- Dylan?
- Totally.

Are you listening to me?

Do you see that?

Well, that was weird.

Wait, that's the van.

- What van?
- The van that took Dougie.

That asshole.

- Hey, where are you going?
- Well, clearly Dougie's new friends are having a party

out in the woods, in the middle of
the night, and he didn't invite us.

Dylan, wait up.

Holy shit. This is some weird party.

Dylan, get down.

My family.

You almost spilled my slushie.

Shut up. I don't
think this is a party.

We have been waiting
for many long years,

and now the stars are aligned.

We have been waiting in secret,

and tonight we will step out of
the shadows and into his light.

We will begin the rite
of the sacred passing.

Bring forth the bearer of light.

Oh, my God, Dougie.

He was kidnapped.

I told you.

Brother...

...you have carried the light for
our family for many years honorably,

but now it is time.

Brain freeze.

Quit screwing around!

Come on, get in, get in, get in!

They fucking killed that guy.

What the fuck was that?

This is all too stressful, man.

I think I'm having
a panic attack.

- We gotta stay calm.
- I'm freaking out.

I'm freaking out.

All right, that's better.

Okay, let's just
take a step back.

I get gassy when I'm
anxious. You know that.

What? I mean, let's
get on the same page.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Maybe we think we saw
something we didn't really see.

- Right.
- So, on the count of three, let's say what we think we saw.

Okay? One, two, three.

A group of hooded figures recited a
spell that made an old man float in the air.

And then a little ball of
light came out of his chest

and was sucked into a
necklace around a guy's neck.

And then the old man fell
to the ground and vanished.

Out loud, it sounds cool, but
it was real and very scary.

- Fuck!
- Are they gonna kill Dougie?

I don't know, but he was tied
up, so it doesn't seem good.

-Who are these people?
-I don't know. It was like a cult.

A cult? You think so?

Look it up.

All I'm getting is horses.

- You typed "colts."
- Oh!

Oops. Save that.

Try, I don't know,
"demonic cult"?

Jesus, Maggie.

You guys making
out or something?

- Yes.
- No.

Mom wanted me to tell you
that you have to drive me

to my Ladybugs camping
trip tomorrow night.

Also, is Dylan staying over? 'Cause, if
so, she needs to pull out the spare sheets.

Are you guys okay? You guys
are, like, really sweaty.

Hey, Maggie,
hypothetical question.

What would you do if your, I don't
know, friend was kidnapped by a cult?

Depends. Are we talking
Manson family, Rajneeshpuram,

or are we talking,
like, Scientology?

- How do you...
- Well, if they were kidnapped,

I'd probably start
with the cops.

Is that a yes or no on the sheets?

So, you're
telling me we've got an evil cult

right here in our town?

- A demonic cult. Yes.
- I know it sounds crazy...

No. No, no, no, no.

We've actually received some
very similar reports recently.

- You have?
- Yeah.

Just yesterday, we had
reports of a vampire

and a werewolf robbing
the bank.

Okay, first off,
they're called Lycans.

Second of all, vampires and
Lycans are sworn enemies.

And, and third of all, it
wasn't a full moon last night.

- So, that makes no sense.
- You're not listening.

They killed a guy.

Wait. Mm.

You guys witnessed a murder?

- Yes.
- Yes. They murdered an old man.

Shit.

- Go on.
- Okay, so they surrounded him.

- And then this ball of light...
- Super bright light, yeah.

...started coming out of his chest
while he was floating up into the air.

He was like...

And then he just disappeared.

You don't understand.

We weren't talking
about demonic horses.

I mean, it's a
common misconception.

- Well, this is great.
- Nana's gonna kill me.

They already killed one person.

What if they do that same
weird orb thing to Dougie next?

I can't believe he didn't
believe us. I mean,

we did the sound
effects and everything.

I believe you.

It sounds like you
boys need some help.

- Well, actually...
- No. Uh...

I know a man who has
dedicated his entire life

to fighting what you've seen.

Only he can help you.

And it's you.

What? No, no, it's not me.

Oh, well, we thought maybe you were getting out soon.

Oh, they're never
letting me out of here.

Look.

Everything you need

is right here on
this piece of paper.

Nope. Whoa, whoa,
whoa. Thank you.

Forget that.

Let's pretend that
didn't happen.

Now, everything that you need
is on this piece of paper.

Hitchens Farm?

Yes.

Wow, this is great.

Thank you so much.

- Well, that was lucky.
- Are you kidding me?

- This is a crazy guy's doodle.
- Oh, come on.

He's a little weird,
but he seems genuine.

- He genuinely wants to murder us.
- Please.

What did you
boys say your names were?

Oh. Yeah, it's not really important.

Ben and
Dylan, your ride's here.

Oh, don't... No,
no, no, no. Don't,

don't write that down.
No, please. Please.

♪ It's a beautiful day ♪

♪ Feeling the sunshine
on my face... ♪

I don't understand why you
used your one call on me.

Well, Nana was still asleep.

But I knew you'd
come through for me.

I did think it would
just be you, though.

Yeah, and I thought I'd be in
the front seat of my own car.

Well, if I knew you weren't driving,
I wouldn't have called shotgun.

It's not really about who's
driving, it's my own car.

- I should be in the front seat.
- Honey pie. Honey pie.

- He did call shotgun.
- I don't mind driving.

- If you wanna come up here, then Cody can sit in the back...
- Just...

- Where are we dropping you?
- Hitchens Farm.

Oh, my God, we are not
following that map.

You said it yourself,
Dougie could be next.

And if there's someone
out there that could...

You must be so confused.

- Let me explain.
- I don't care.

Look, we should go home and
tell my parents what happened

instead of following a map
drawn by a crazy murderer.

He wasn't a murderer. He
just said he wished he did.

Look, if the police didn't believe you,
what makes you think your parents will?

- Do you remember the merchant from Gothic Slayers 2?
- Of course I do,

- but what does that...
- He was the one that gave the map of blood to the heroes

that led them to the
lair of the dark one.

Maybe that prisoner
was our merchant.

- It's a game!
- Based on truth.

- You remember what Derek said about knot theory.
- Derek?

- The one that flunked fourth grade.
- Yes. Well, so did you.

-That's very different. I had mono.
-Well, I didn't know that,

so I flunked fourth grade. I thought
we were flunking out together...

- I appreciate it, but you didn't have to flunk out.
- I'm just saying...

Stop the car! Just stop it.

Out. Out, out. Out, out, out.

Out, out, out, out. Not you.

- Come on.
- Oh.

Hey, wish you guys the best of
luck with your friend or whatever.

Thanks, Babe.

- Dylan.
- Come on, man, have faith.

Can I say something?
Perhaps this was a mistake.

You think? We
are fully lost, dude.

It's not my fault. What kind
of cornfield doesn't have signs

posted for directions?

Every single one that
has ever existed.

God, I hate corn.

Let's just turn around.

I've been trying to turn us
around for the last hour.

Hey, sorry, Mr. Crow, by
hitting you with the corn.

It was an accident.

Fuck you!

Did that crow just curse at me?

Let's not escalate
the situation.

Oh, fuck you!

Fuck me? Fuck you!

- Fuck you! Fuck you!
- Dylan!

Relax, it's just one crow.

- What's he gonna do?
- Fuck you!

What do you call
a group of crows?

A murder of...

Oh, shit.

Hey, found it.

What is this place?

- Is that an original?
- It might be.

Who the...

...who the fuck are you?

Uh, hi. We were told
we could find you here.

- We need your help.
- Who sent you?

Whoa, dude,
let's just calm down here, please.

Yeah, who do you work for?

Mini... Golf... Hut.

- I have a map!
- Liar!

Show him the map!
Show him the map!

I'm so sorry
about before.

I guess I just don't get too many visitors up here.

Do you have any lemonade to mix?

- Dude.
- You say that body just... disappeared?

I know it sounds
crazy, but, yeah.

No, it's all too real.

Your friend wasn't the first.

I'm afraid he surely
won't be the last.

You know, the closer you
come to understanding

what these people are all about,

the more danger your
lives will be in.

It's why I've been forced
to take up residence here.

'Cause they're allergic to corn.

No, because why
would they look here?

What does a demonic cult
want with our friend?

This cult has existed
for thousands of years.

They worship Xynthelonor.

A powerful nether demon.

As a reward for their devotion,
his followers are given powers

beyond your wildest
imaginations.

However, Xynthelonor...

...cannot exist in our realm,
not in his real true form.

He's forced to
inhabit live vessels.

Every 30 years,

he needs to transfer
to a new, fresher body.

What you witnessed last night

was the first part
of that ceremony.

Tonight, they're gonna
complete that ritual

by siphoning the demon
into its new vessel.

Until then, Xynthelonor's
soul is housed inside an orb,

and the cult is powerless.

It's his way of making sure they'll
fulfill their end of the bargain.

Boys, they're gonna cram
a demon up your friend.

- Oh, shit.
- How'd you find all this out?

Internet.

We have one night
to save your friend

and shut this cult
down for good.

Did you just say "we"?

I've spent the last
30 years studying 'em.

Their ways, their
beliefs, their weaknesses.

As long as we hit 'em while
they're without their powers,

and with everything
that's up here,

there's nothing
that can stop us.

So, let's roll out.

Awesome. So, what's the plan?

We, we grab the
orb and destroy it?

No, it's
not that simple.

You can't just destroy the orb.

Oh, then what do we do?

Well, there's only
one way to end this.

Listen carefully, 'cause
this is important.

You...

Well done.

He will no longer be a threat.

What about the other two?

The fools?

They escaped.

Curse them.

If he managed to tell
them about the orb...

Ah. We are vulnerable, yes,

but this could be just a test...

...to test our
daughters' devotion.

We won't let you down, Father.

Um, yeah, we'll
handle it, Eugene.

What? Do I really need
to call him "Father"?

We are family, daughter.

Yeah, but, like, not really.

Also, is it too
much to ask to be called Chloe,

at least when we're alone?

- Sister's not committed.
- Yes, I am, Rebecca.

If we are not your
family, then who?

Those people that
didn't love you?

Those people that threw
you away as a child...

...like you were disposable?

Chloe, we took you in when
you were at your lowest.

We loved you, and still do.

I'm sorry... Father.

What do you want
us to do to them?

Oh.

They need to be taken
care of permanently.

Discreetly.

You must be excited.

You finally get
your powers tonight.

You've always shown
such great promise.

Tonight, you
will finally feel whole.

Oh, thank God.

We made it.

Oh dude, let's go.

- Oh, check it out. Grass angel.
- Dylan.

In the past 24 hours,

I've seen an old man evaporate,
learn that demons exist,

and witnessed someone get
shot with a freakin' crossbow.

- I think I've earned a breather.
- We're not safe out here.

We are fine, dude.

No one followed us. It's not like
anyone knows where you live anyway.

Mom? Dad? Maggie?

There, we're inside.
Can I lie down now?

Come on, get it off of me! Get it off of me!

Get it off me!

Get it off of me!

Ow!

- Did you just hit me, bitch?
- I'm, I'm sorry.

Please. No. No, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

She's twisting my titties!

Geneva Convention!
Geneva Convention!

- Dylan!
- She's twisting my nipples!

Little bitches!

What is going on here?

- Dylan, Ben, you better explain...
- Mom, get out.

...why you never told
us you had girlfriends.

- Mrs. Ben's mom, you've got to get out of here.
- We didn't see anything.

- Mom, they're trying to kill...
- La, la, la, la, la.

I don't want to
know the details.

But you two are
staying for lunch.

Mom. Dad, you don't get it.
They're trying to kill us.

Oh, I understand.

You don't know how many times
your mom has tried to kill me.

Your necklace is so pretty.

Are those for a sorority?

- No, uh, it's a family heirloom.
- Oh, okay.

So, where did you all meet?

- I...
- Uh, well, uh...

- Oh, you should really take it.
- No, no, no.

You should really take this one.

Ah.

Uh, well, um,

we met at, uh,
uh, a supermarket.

Uh, uh, they work there.

That, that's right.
I was his cashier.

Really? Tell me.

How do you memorize
all the produce codes?

I don't know. We just... do.

- She's really great at memorization.
- Oh.

I'm just, I'm just okay.

No, she's being modest.
She's, she's really great.

Sweet and handsome.

What's a tomato?

Um, a, a vegetable?

- Uh, no, the code.
- Oh.

- Um, five.
- Wow.

- Incredible.
- So, what do you all have planned for today?

We're going to murder them.

At mini golf.

Oh.

The boys have been
working there for years.

But don't worry, Ben's
looking at other jobs.

- Wait, what?
- Oh, he hasn't told you?

He's been interviewing
all around town.

- You have?
- No.

- Uh, Dad, can you pass the ketchup?
- Oh, sure.

Oh, don't be modest, sweetie.

He had an interview
for a receptionist job

at Edward and Edward
Law just last week.

What?

- Dude.
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I, I'll help you with that. Uh,
could you excuse us? Thanks.

- I, I'll help you clean that up.
- Come on, man.

You know this is my
last good work sweater!

Would anyone
like more blue drink?

Come on. Come
on, I'll give you a boost.

I don't think this
is gonna come out.

Oh, we've gotta go.

Forget the sweater.

Some of us still
care about our job.

- Get over here.
- Wait.

I'm pretty sure a
tomato's a fruit.

Let's get you up.

- Go.
- Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay.

- To the left.
- My left or your left?

- It's the same left.
- Oh, right. Okay.

We have to be discreet.
If we knock the door down,

they're going to
know something's up.

Those fools? Fat chance.

Shut up. They were nice.

Listen, we gotta come
up with something else.

Okay, maybe we can lure
them out with leverage.

And pray tell, how do
you expect to do that?

Pray tell, what
century are you from?

Time out, time
out. Time out, time out.

Sciatica. Sciatica.

-Are you okay?
-Massage right there. Right there.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Ah, so nice of you to reappear

after sneaking off with the
girls in the middle of lunch.

- Sorry, Mom.
- Uh, don't tell me.

- I already know.
- You do?

Look, I was young once too.

- Just remember, foreplay is important.
- Oh, God, Mom.

Now, your father likes
to take a blow dryer

and a frozen bag of peas.

- Mom.
- Okay. Okay, okay.

- Oh. When do you think the girls will drop Maggie off?
- What?

Well, they just stepped out
with Maggie for some girl time

before your mini
golf date later.

Don't let go of those
two. They're keepers.

Ben.

Ben.

Do you not like working with me?

You want to talk
about this right now?

Seriously, right now, after my
sister was just abducted by a cult

that's probably going to
kill her and our best friend?

But all you're concerned
about is whether or not

I want to keep working at our dead-end
jobs for the rest of our lives?

God forbid I want
something more for us.

- Maybe I don't want more.
- Well, good for you, Dylan.

Be king of the fucking Mini
Golf Hut for all I care.

Sorry, dude.

No, you're right.

I'm sorry.

- So, what's our next move?
- We know where they live.

Yeah, but if Gothic Slayers
has taught us anything,

it's that you can't enter
the lair until you're ready.

It's time to get ready, then.

♪ Words don't mean
a thing to me... ♪

Let's roll out.

Psst.

What are you doing?

Open the door.

I've got your six.

I got the six part.

- This is not what I pictured.
- It's weird, right?

Shouldn't there
be, like, bones and coffins

- all over the place?
- They're not vampires.

Yet.

Vampire!

There's nothing here, man.

It's like no one's
lived here in 100 years.

Are you serious, man?

I told you to bring snacks.

Well, after you.

- I'm going as fast as I can.
- Keep going.

- This is tight.
- Yes, I know.

Would you hurry up? I get
gassy when I'm claustrophobic.

Whoa.

- Maggie? Dougie?
- Shh! Don't go screaming.

We're in the freakin'
belly of the beast here.

Sorry. You're right.

Dude.

No way.

So, this ball contains
the spirit of a demon

that's thousands of years old.

Something like that.

- Ass-basket!
- Dude.

Come on, man, how many
chances do you get

to tell an inter-dimensional
being to fuck off?

You bitch-ass little bitch.

Okay, not super creative,
but sure.

Girls!

Hide!

Where?

Girls?

What have I told you about
keeping the fridge open?

You know your father
is looking for you.

He's preparing the
vessel for tonight.

Wait a minute.

Have those idiot boys
been taken care of?

Excellent.

Now we must prepare for the
coming of the bright Lord.

And I mustn't look anything
less than presentable.

Girls, why don't you
help me get re...

Holy shit, dude!

We just stole a
demon! Oh, my God!

Don't mess with that thing.

- Whoa, I can hear it whispering.
- For real?

- Worship me. I am from
hell. -Dude.

- Fuck, dude, I almost swallowed it.
- Can you help me

- focus on figuring out where Maggie and Dougie are?
- Dude, Maggie's fine.

They only took her to lure us out.
It's not like they're gonna kill her.

-They're not gonna kill her.
-Why would you say that? Well, now it's stuck

- in my head. Fuck.
- I'm just saying

the one in real danger
right now is Dougie.

She said they were taking
him to be prepared.

Well, that could be anywhere.

Did that insignia on her
necklace look familiar to you?

- I mean, it kind of just looked like graffiti.
- Oh, yeah. That's it.

Yeah, it's just graffiti that
I've seen. Oh, great, Dylan.

Well, I don't know. Look, can we
just celebrate for, like, two seconds

that we stole the orb?
I mean, think about it.

If we have this, we
have the upper hand.

We are in control.

Dude.

I'm a genius.

Damn it.

- Must've missed the right hours.
- What? They're always open.

No, it's a 6-10. They're open
six hours a week, ten times.

That can't possibly be right.

We've gotta
find a way in there.

- Oh. Okay. No.
- Okay. That's good. Yep.

Your butt.

- Use the head meat.
- Stop saying "head meat."

Use the skull to
lift me! Use the...

Are you okay?

Yeah. Totally stuck the landing.

Uh, do you see a way in?

Found it. I got it from here.

Ooh, loose change.
Don't mind if I do.

Man, I really need
to work out more.

Action jump.

Action slide.

Action kick.

Oh, fuck!

Quit screwing
around and hurry.

Action hurry.

Well, that was easy.

You've got to be kidding me.

Fuck you!

God, these freakin'
crows. I said I was sorry.

Bitch boy. Bitch boy.

Who's teaching
you this language?

All right, I don't
have time for this.

Shit!

Literally.

You know you're paying
for that, right?

- You're welcome.
- Where'd they go?

The backroom. I
don't know, man,

they rushed in, and I tried
to stop them, they tied me up.

-What's back there?
-I don't know, man. I just work here.

- You look like an idiot.
- Oh, thanks. Yeah. Yeah.

- Let's go.
- Yeah.

Yo. Hey, yo.

So, y'all, y'all
just gonna leave...

What a... I swear to God.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, dude.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Dougie.

He's breathing. Come on. He's
still breathing. Come on.

Why'd you turn
your flashlight off?

Why'd you turn
my flashlight off?

How would I have
turned your flashlight off?

You are not the
first to resist my master.

We've encountered many
adversaries in my time,

and I have to admit that you
are the least threatening

- that I've ever come across.
- Rude.

I implore you boys to
reconsider your position.

My order has existed
for millennia.

And you, you are merely
putt-putt employees.

It's mini golf, asshole.

Destiny has decided

you will not win this fight.

I'm not trying to
ruin anyone's destiny.

We just want our friend back.

Your friend is our destiny.

Oh, my
God! Kick him! Kick him!

- I got him! I got him!
- Kick him where it hurts!

It's me. It's me.

Power is reserved for his
most faithful servant.

You will not stop us.

-Get up. Get up. Let's go. Let's go.
-Come on. Come on. Come on.

Hey. Hey, so, y'all...

Hey, in some way, this
right here is racist.

I'm telling you, I know it.

- Did you see where he went?
- No, I don't know.

Wait. Is that him?

- He's in good shape.
- Yeah.

- Ben, help!
- Hush.

- We have to go after her.
- But what about...

Dylan, please!

Shit.

I, I know a shortcut.

- They don't know when to quit.
- They've seen too much, and who knows who they've told.

Father will have to enact
the ritual of purification

- and cleanse the entire town.
- Destroy the whole town?

I say we start with the kid!

Oh.

Ram them, sister!
End it!

They're going to stop, right?

Say goodbye
to your brother, child.

- Hello?
- Oh, uh...

You will rue the day.

Your girlfriends suck!

- We got to get somewhere safe.
- Oh, but shit, they know where we live.

Don't worry, I know
just the place.

Jesus Christ.

You're kidding, right?

Nice place.

It's just how I pictured it.

Thanks.

Would you mind grabbing
us some waters?

Sure.

Who was at the door, cutie?

Hey, guys.

- Um, could you grab us some waters?
- No problemo.

Ooh, how about some chips?

D-man, hey, you a salt
and vinny kind of guy?

- Yes.
- Huh? What's that? I didn't...

Yes. Thank you.

I can't get enough
of this little goober.

God, this fucking guy.

Are you guys okay?

You, um...

You kinda look like shit, and you smell.

I know. It's been
a crazy two days.

- We've been battling...
- Babysitting.

We've been babysitting.

She's a wild one.

-What? No, no. Our friend was kidna...
-kidney stoned.

Our friend has kidney stones.

It's really bad.

He may not make it.

Well, sorry to hear that.

Um, I'm just going to
check on the waters.

- We can trust her.
- We barely know her.

Oh, wow. I don't
even know how to respond to that.

Look, the less that
people know, the better.

Yeah, until they
slaughter the town.

They're not gonna
slaughter the town.

That's what they
said in the car.

They said you two knew too much,

and "Father will want
the town purified."

Everything's fine.

Cool.

Glad to hear it.

Ben.

Are you okay?

- Um, where's your bathroom?
- Down the hall.

Mm. It's good water.

- Uh, filtered?
- Nope.

Hm.

He's gonna kill the whole
town. The whole town, murdered.

Get it together, Ben.

It's gonna be all right. Right?

So, they were the flim-flams,
now they're the lemon treasures,

but that's the
same cookie, right?

- Essentially, yeah.
- Does the chocolate whip come up a little higher?

- We've gotta go.
- What?

You sit your butt right down,
Ben. I ordered a pizza for us all.

Oh, uh, I'm lactose intolerant.

- You're not lactose intolerant...
- She's one of them.

All righty. Well, we
should really get going.

What? No way, man.

I mean, I never thought I'd say
this, but I think Dylan's right.

- You guys should really stay here.
- Let go of him.

- Dude.
- What's your problem?

- It's not safe here.
- Relax, man.

You don't need to whisper.
I told her everything.

- You told her?
- Yeah.

Really wish
you hadn't done that.

- Oh, what the fuck?
- Crossbow.

- What are you doing?
- Over with them.

The cornfield. That was you.

Yes.

You can't imagine Father's
joy when he learned

that I had finally
silenced that coward.

You know, I guess I owe you a
thanks for leading me right to him.

Move.

You really don't
have to kill us.

Me? No, no, no.

See, when my Lord rises tonight,
he will want to personally

dispose of the fools who
tried to ruin everything.

Dude, you suck so much.

I suck?

You know, she makes fun of
you when you're not around.

Cody, stop.

Maybe I should
just... end them now.

Salt and
vinny in my eyes!

Oh, my God!

- Come on, guys, go!
- Come on, come on.

He shot my butt.

He shot my butt.
He shot my butt!

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry
up, hurry up, hurry up. Hurry up.

- You got him?
- Yup.

- Holy shit dude, you were really shot.
- Pull it out. Pull it out.

Our Ladybug leader said if you
get impaled by a foreign object

- and you remove it, you can bleed out in minutes.
- Leave it in!

- Leave it in!
- Shut up, he's coming.

Oh, you got a lot of
nerve, D-man!

With my own salt and vinny too!

What is that?

Dylan, do you have
your backpack?

Oh, fuck!

Hey, that's two times
I owe you now, D-man!

Fuck.

- Uh, Dylan, can you stand up?
- Yeah, I think so.

Good. All right, we
gotta go after him.

Are you out of your mind? I
need to go to the hospital.

You're fine. Come on.
We can't let them win.

Win? This isn't a game, Ben.

You're the one who said it
was like Gothic Slayers.

Yeah, not anymore. We're doomed.

We wouldn't be if
you hadn't dropped

the freakin' orb out there.

- Oh, you're just gonna give up?
- Yeah. I'm gonna take a page out of your stupid book

- and I'm gonna give up.
- What does that even mean?

You, your new law career. You're gonna
give up on the Mini Golf Hut and on me.

Okay, first of all, it
was just one interview,

and, uh, look, they don't even want
to give me that manager position.

Shut up!

You know, I've been
thinking about that.

There is no way, no freakin' way

they wouldn't give you that
job because you try harder

and give more shits about
that place than anyone else.

So, if you would've applied,
they would have given it to you.

But you didn't, did you?
You didn't even apply.

Why?

'Cause I knew if I took
that job, I'd never leave.

- I'd be there for the rest of my life.
- You'd be there

-with your friends. People who care about you.
-Doing what?

Doing the same
thing over and over.

Uh, playing video
games, eating ice cream.

- Playing putt-putt, like a freaking loser.
- It's mini golf.

I'm out.

- Where are you going?
- Home. Nana hasn't seen me in two days.

Dylan...

Don't look at my butt.

I have to say,

your incompetence
is very impressive.

You weren't able to
capture them either.

I was securing the vessel.

All you had to do
was kill two boys.

Had I known that they had
possession of the orb,

- I would have killed them on the spot.
- So, why didn't you?

- Watch your tongue, child.
- Silence.

They just waltzed...

...into our sanctuary

and took our master

right underneath your nose!

Bested by two suburbanite
minimum wage dipshits!

They're not as dumb
as you think they are.

Where have you been?

You will always be my
greatest disappointment.

Oh, my boy.

You've done it.

- Are you proud of me?
- I am so proud.

Good work.

Oh, my God.

That's going to leave a mark.

That is definitely
going to leave a mark.

Awesome.

Oh, no! Watch out! The demonic alien
zombies are right in front of us!

Quick, go to slo-mo.

Watch out.

Watch out.

So cold.

I can't feel my legs.

By the way, I'm dead.

You bastards!

He was two days from retirement!

We're such good friends.

We're going to
be best friends forever.

You bet we are.

Shit.

Okay, we'll be safe here.

You can relax.

But not too relaxed.

You never know.

Oh, hey, Craig.

Everyone okay?

- Jenny?
- I just can't believe

I was dating a
psychopathic cult member.

Let's maybe figure out
where the cult's meeting

and then maybe
later we can dissect

your relationship
with a murderer.

Did he ever mention
anything cult-y?

Not really.

He mainly just liked staring
deeply into each other's eyes.

Barf.

- I know.
- Great.

So we have no ideas.

You know, I've never seen
him like that before.

- Who, Cody?
- No, Dylan.

Oh, he can be a real
jerk when he wants to be.

- Okay, I wouldn't call him a jerk.
- Oh, yeah?

Then what did you
call him to Cody?

Called him immature.

Called him obsessive. Nerdy.

That sounds right.

Okay, but he's also kind.

And, don't tell him, but, like,
funny in his own weird way.

And he's loyal to his friends.

Not really.

Okay, look, Ben.

I have never had a friend
care enough about me

to call me out on my
shit like he did for you.

- Ben's getting red.
- Oh, shit. Red.

Um, Cody mentioned
something about wanting

to take me somewhere once.
He called it, um, the red...

- Oh, it was, it was the red something. The red something.
- Oh, this is great.

-Red something. Okay. This is a great start.
-Yes. Um...

- Red...
- Something red.

-Anyone? There's no wrong answers here.
-Mm.

- Fire truck!
- Fi...

- fi... fire truck?
- You said there was no wrong answers.

-Well, congrats. You found the only one.
-Red onion!

- Two.
- Red Grove.

I'm not trying to fight you.

- Who the hell are you?
- Ben's girlfriend.

- She's not my girlfriend.
- I'm not his girlfriend.

- What are you doing here?
- I'm trying to help you.

- Your friend is in trouble.
- Yeah, no shit.

- Not Dougie.
- Dylan?

They've got him tied up at
the house. He's being prepared

as an offering for Xynthelonor.

If you wanted to help us, you'd
tell us where the Red Grove is.

North side of the town, in the
woods, behind the football field.

Why are you so quick to tell us?

Because it doesn't matter
if you know where it is.

- You can't win.
- Yes, we can.

We're going to save
Dougie, save the town,

and then maybe we'll
go save that deserter.

There's no way you're
going to save this town.

The only thing you
can do is save Dylan

and get as far away
from here as you can.

Trust me, you don't
want to cross my father.

I've already been here
for too long, so...

Why don't you stay and help us?

I'm in too deep.

Can't turn away now, so...

What, you can't turn
away from four people?

It's not four people.

It's an army.

Okay, let's go.

You know how to
get to the house?

- We're not going to that house.
- She just said

the plan was hopeless.

You know how to sew, right?

- Whoa. Not cool.
- Frickin dork.

We're gonna need robes if we're
gonna blend in with an army.

Dylan would save you.

All right,
Maggie's done with the robes.

- So we should probably get going.
- Mm-hm.

To face
almost certain death.

Game over.

Shit.

Thought you were
good at video games.

I did too.

Stop! Stop!

- Oh, you want me to stop?
- Yes. It tickles.

Oh, people always say that they hate
that part, but I think they're lying.

- Are you done yet?
- Hey.

Did Pope Julius II
rush Michelangelo

with the Sistine Chapel?
Don't answer that.

I don't know what you
are talking about,

but if you paint my...

Shh. Hush, hush.

- I look amazing.
- Thank you.

I was originally a
landscape artist.

- A little abstract for me, but I'll take what I can get.
- Oh.

Ah, would you look at the time?

Look at that. Come, come,
it is time for you to die.

- Hey.
- Ben.

- Let him go.
- Rapscallions.

- Dylan, are you okay?
- Do not speak to the offering.

- You're outnumbered three to one.
- Oh, look who can count.

Well, I bet you weren't
counting on this.

I can take you three
with my eyes closed.

Oh,
I can smell the fear.

- What's your deal?
- He wanted to be a landscape artist.

Quiet! I have been given
the sacred task of preparing

the offering's runes, and
I will not have it ruined.

I am the rune painter.

And that's just the last
line on a long resume.

I've fought centaurs, I've rode a manticore.

Down, boy, I'm the captain.

I've crossed bridges
the trolls swore

they'd never let
anyone traverse.

I'm the reason the
Cyclops has only one eye.

I stole the wax wings off of
Icarus, flew them into the sky

and punched the
sun in its taint.

So, the last thing
I'm ever gonna allow

is for you three to...

Ow. Ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

You know me, no big deal.

Oh.

Um, thanks.

- I, I gotta talk to you.
- No, I need to talk to you.

- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. Dude, no.

I didn't mean what I said.
You're my best friend.

I'm always gonna want
to hang out with you.

I've never thought
you were a loser.

You were right, we
have no chance in hell

of beating them and
stopping Xynthelonor.

No, dude, you were right.

This town, it's worth saving.

He's right. It's too late.

Shut it.

He doesn't have his powers yet.
That, that means there's still time.

- That's right.
- I have the power of imagination.

Ow.

Are we doing this?

Let's do it.

♪ Alone on the
top of the hill ♪

♪ In the window
her face I see... ♪

Whoa.

Maggie, let's practice
for the bird call badge

after we defeat the evil cult.

Hey, how's it
going? Good evening.

- Hello.
- Yeah, wow.

Hi. Hi.

- Excuse me.
- Hey, how ya doing? Good to see you.

Oh, uh, nah, nah, she's
underage, but, uh...

Uh, and we, we feel like
we've got this cold coming on,

so we probably
shouldn't, but thank you.

Look.

We have to get back there.

- Looks like a way backstage.
- Yeah.

- Hey, Maggie, stay here.
- Okay, cool.

I'll just stay here alone with
the weird, brainwashed people.

Good call.

- Shit.
- What? What?

It's Cody. God.

How are we gonna get past him?

I'll distract him. You guys
find a way around, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Jenny, what are you doing here?
- Hey, hey, hey.

Look, I've been thinking a
lot about our relationship,

and I think I messed up.

It was fun, wasn't it?

Well, yeah.

We could, um, we could
keep having fun together.

What are you, what
are you saying?

I want to join you.

Oh, Jenny, I knew
you were the one.

No, no, no, no, no.

I want you to initiate
me right here, right now.

Oh. Oh, of course.

- Drink the sacred mixture.
- Yum.

Thank you.

Damn it.

Oh, shit!

You!

Prick.

Hey, folks.

Uh, you're probably wondering
what I'm doing here.

Mm-hm. Yeah, well, it's,
uh, it's a funny story.

I'm here to be sacrificed, so...

You know what? I think,
I think I'm early.

I'm definite... Yeah, I'm
early, so I'll come back.

I'll come back.

Well, well, well.

What do we have here?

Oh, you come in here
with your fake robes.

You really thought that you
could come in here and stop us?

I did warn you... that
destiny was not on your side.

But now the three of you can be
the first offerings to Xynthelonor.

It is done.

- Excellent work, my disciple.
- Thank you, sir.

How good it feels to be in
a youthful body once more.

Oh.

My children...

...you've brought
me back again...

...and for that,

you are rewarded.

My children,

it appears this town is not
as safe for us as it once was.

The time has finally come.

For generations, we have
waited in the shadows,

slowly building our strength.

And now...

...it is time to show the world
just how truly powerful we are.

Let this town be the
first of many to fall

in the name of Xynthelonor and his children!

Destroy the town!

Well, go already.

Come along, children.

Where are my young acolytes?

Here are your new
servants, sire.

My daughters.

Oh... my children.

We are a family now.

Oh, my Devil. It is
such an honor, sire.

I am, like, your biggest fan.

And are you, like,
my biggest fan too?

Oh, uh, definitely. Of course.

Hm.

Who do we start with?

Wait.

Which one of you called me an
ass-basket while I was in the orb?

Dougie, please.

We have a volunteer.

- Maggie!
- Who the fuck is that?

After her!

- Right.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Not you.

She's just a little girl. We
have other business to attend to.

What is she doing?

- Jinx.
- Dude.

Who wants to go first?

Me. Me. Me.

You.

Yes.

Close your eyes

and channel all of the
energy into your hands and...

...strike.

- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Oh, my God.

I just want to say,
if I had to die

next to anyone, I would
want it to be you.

- You too, man.
- I was talking to Jenny.

Do it.

Kill them.

Useless.

Once I take care of them,
I'll take care of you.

Then I'll be Father's
favorite.

We're dead.

We're not dead?

We're not?

What happened?

You wretched piece of...

Shit.

We have to save your sister.

They're going to kill her.

Where do you
think you're going?

You chose them over
your own family?

You are not my family!

After everything we did for you?

So be it.

Get down!

No!

Whoa.

Jenny? How did you do that?

Did you drink from the chalice?

Hm.

- Let's kick his ass.
- Shit!

Hyah!

- We've got to do something.
- I've got an idea.

A little help from
some old friends.

What are you talking about?

Crows!

Holy shit. I can't
believe that worked.

Brothers, we've had our
differences in the past,

but the time has come.

We must aid in the
fight against...

-Ow! God!
-They're not our bros! They're not our bros!

There's nowhere else
to run, little one.

Give us the orb and
I'll kill you fast.

- Who are you?
- We're the Ladybugs.

Bitch.

- Ooh, ooh, ooh, my murder hand.
- Yup.

Get him, Jenny.

KO!

Nice.

- Don't do that.
- Okay, what about...

No. Just, nothing.

Jenny.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

Oh, come on!

Yes!

How can you be
winning?

You're just putt-putt employees!

It's mini golf.

Ben!

Ben.

Are you okay?

Ben, I have the orb.

- Ben, take the orb.
- What am I supposed to do with it?

- Save him, stupid.
- Because of your continued insolence,

I'm going to rip the soul
from your pathetic body

piece by piece!

Prepare to
feel the wrath of Xynthelonor!

I will not let you harm my Lord!

Be the ball. Be the
ball. Be the ball.

Dylan?

Dylan?

Did we win?

I'll take that as a yes.

- Dude!
- You did it!

We did it! Did you think I had any
chance of getting that orb to you?

No.

Not so fast.

Now you will suffer.

Is it a bouncy ball?

Oh!

- What's happening?
- Dougie!

My neck is killing me.

- Oh!
- We'll explain everything.

What, what is going on there?

Oh, she?

She helped save your life.

Oh, rad.

Uh, but I actually meant
what's going on there?

Xynthelonor!

Why have you forsaken me?

- No, that, that I can't explain.
- Get back here, bitch!

All right.
There you go.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.

- There you go.
- Chocolate!

Chocolate. Yeah.

Aw.

- Hey.
- Hey.

One twist, extra small cup.

A kiddie cup?

Shut up. He knows what he likes.

So... last night...

Pretty intense.

I did not think I'd make
it out of there alive.

What? My
Nana's not that bad.

She threatened to pistol
whip me if I hurt you.

Better not, then.

Don't worry, I won't.

You know, you and Nana actually
remind me a lot of each other.

Oh, my God. Next.

Damn it.

You're still a dork in my book.

Same time tomorrow?

Oh, you're going
down, putt-putt boy.

Hey, it's mini golf.

Dude, you beat them
again? What happened?

I don't know, something just clicked.

Hey, no running.

You're not the boss of me.

Oh, sorry.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I'll take that...
- Oh.

...Mr. Manager.

So, how are you
liking the new job?

Great. Thanks for putting
in a good word for me.

Yeah. Yeah, no
doubt. No doubt.

Um, I was wondering...

...if you didn't have plans
tonight, that maybe...

I'm actually going to a séance.

Oh, really? That's awesome.

No, no. Like, I'm
just fucking with you.

- Oh.
- No, I don't have any plans.

Oh, cool. Um, 'cause
there was this, um,

thing that's happening, and
I was wondering if maybe...

- I'd love to.
- Really?

That's awesome. I'll, uh,
I'll, I'll pick you up.

Yeah.

- I'll, uh, see you later.
- Oh.

Dude. Dude!

- Yes! Dude!
- Yes!

Good job, losers.

This calls for celebration.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Keep the change.

Well, thank ya.

Appreciate ya.

Okay, double dates every Friday night.

That's usually Jenny
and my movie night,

so we can rotate who's in charge
of popcorn, drinks, candy.

Let's see how tonight goes before
we make any long-term plans.

- Yeah?
- This is great.

I knew she'd say yes.

I'm happy for you, man.

I'm happy for you, too.

You know what, I
should probably get going.

Yeah, me too.

- Did you just see...
- Nope.

♪ Get a grip ♪

♪ This is it ♪

♪ We're around ♪

♪ Throw a fit, lose your shit ♪

- ♪ Paint the town ♪
- ♪ Let's go ♪

♪ We're the kids you
thought you fixed ♪

♪ By calming down ♪

♪ Well, we got pissed
and now we're rich ♪

♪ I'm the motherfucker everybody
in the room is talking about ♪

♪ It is not the
time to be silent ♪

♪ I can't help myself ♪

♪ I'm the reason you're
feeling violent ♪

♪ I get overwhelmed ♪

♪ They run away from me ♪

♪ Yeah, they run away ♪

♪ Face down on a greyhound
with a bag full of drugs ♪

♪ They sound like the playground
yelling back of the bus ♪

♪ I'm in K Town
getting paid now ♪

♪ Man, I don't give a fuck ♪

♪ I had 99 reasons
to be givin' it up ♪

♪ I had 99 reasons
to be givin' it up ♪

♪ Make me roll the dice ♪

♪ Save me from the light ♪

♪ Chase me in the night... ♪

♪ Get out the way ♪

♪ You've seen enough ♪

♪ No need to stay ♪

♪ You're taking
up too much room ♪

♪ Don't go away ♪

♪ Maybe I changed my mind ♪

♪ Tell me what I'm
supposed to say ♪

♪ To make you stay ♪

♪ And I know and I
know, and I know ♪

♪ That it's all over now ♪

♪ And I'm trying and
I'm trying to find ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Better stay clear of me ♪

♪ You know what's up ♪

♪ Nothing to say ♪

♪ You know I'll
crash and burn ♪

♪ I don't mean a thing I say ♪

♪ You know me much better now ♪

♪ Tell me how I'm
supposed to pray ♪

♪ To make you stay ♪

♪ And I know and I
know, and I know ♪

♪ That it's all over now ♪

♪ And I'll try and I'll
try and I'll find ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
- ♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ And I know and I
know, and I know ♪

♪ That it's all over now ♪

♪ And I'll try and I'll
try and I'll find ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
- ♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Today's a better day ♪

♪ I know we'll find a better
way to make it out of here ♪

♪ We got it right
on the wrong night ♪

♪ The wrong time but the
right side but you're ♪

♪ Still leaving here ♪

♪ I've gotta find a way ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
- ♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
- ♪ A way to make you stay ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪