Original subtitles

["The Ballad Of Gilligan's Isle"]

* Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale *

* A tale of a fateful trip *

* That started from this tropic port *

* Aboard this tiny ship *

* The mate was a mighty sailin' man *

* The Skipper brave and sure *

* Five passengers set sail that day *

* For a three-hour tour *

* A three-hour tour *

[thunder rumbling]

* The weather started getting rough *

* The tiny ship was tossed *

* If not for the courage of the fearless crew *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The ship set ground on the shore *

* Of this uncharted desert isle *

* With Gilligan *

* The Skipper too *

* The millionaire *

* And his wife *

* The movie star *

* And the rest *

* Are here on Gilligan's Isle **

[all cheering]

Come on, Howell. Come on.

You've come from a long line of winners.

The Howell silks across that line, baby.

- 'Move.' - 'Come on.'

[cheering continues]

- This is a race, move. - Come on.

[all screaming]

See you later, Lovey darling.

That was a wonderful race. Congratulations, Skipper.

- You did it again, Skipper. - Did what again?

- Lost for the 38th time. - No, no, 39th time.

You see, I'm keeping track.

No hard feelings, I hope, Skipper.

Naturally not, Howell. It's a pleasure losing to you.

I lie awake, trying to figure how to make it easier for you.

You gonna keep losing to Mr. Howell's turtle?

We will have a race day after tomorrow.

- Alright with you? - You're gonna race again?

- No. - 'No, no?'

That doesn't sound like the Skipper we know.

- Does it, Gilligan? - Yes, it does.

He always gets grumpy when he doesn't win.

You're not giving up after 39 tries. Are you, Skipper?

I'll never give up, Howell. In fact, I'll beat you.

Just that I haven't got anything left to wager.

- You've won it all. - That's right.

Your sneakers, binoculars, compass, all that stuff.

Thanks for the itemized list, Gilligan.

Well, of course, you're overlooking one prize.

Mrs. Howell's done a magnificent job of roughing it out here.

Back home, let's face it, she does has downstairs maid

upstairs maid, butler, chauffeur, all kinda services.

Even here, she has me looking for a houseboy.

A houseboy?

But where on this island would one find a houseboy?

Skipper, I'll bet you my 60-foot yacht

against Gilligan's service as a houseboy

until such time as we leave the island.

Never. You can bet the Queen Mary and I'll never do it.

I'll pay him the same wages as you do.

No, you won't, Howell.

Nobody is gonna underpay my little buddy except me.

You're all heart, Skipper.

[theme music]

- What are you doing, Gilligan? - Putting hay in the stable.

Hay in the stable?

It's only a turtle, but after 39 races

he must be beginning to feel like a horse.

As far as Mr. Howell's is concerned, yes.

But, mine, you can put mine out to pasture.

He likes it here. Don't you, Rex?

- Rex? - Yeah.

He reminds me of a friend, Rex Stonecipher.

See, Skipper, he knows me.

Never mind that, Gilligan.

Get rid of him and get a faster turtle.

- But you were through racing. - I'm through losing.

Oh, come on, Rex. Here you go, boy.

Bye-bye.

[sighing]

'Look, for 39 races, he ran in one spot.'

Now he's moving like he's going someplace in a hurry.

- Gimme that carrot. - It's mine. Get your own.

- Mary Ann has a whole garden. - I want to test something.

[sighing]

We're in, Gilligan. We're in.

We finally found a way to beat Howell's turtle.

My turtle loves carrots.

All you do is stand at the finish line, wave a carrot..

- What did you call him? - Who?

- The turtle. - Oh, Rex. Rex Stonecipher.

- Had an older brother, Max. - Never mind his brother.

Oh, Gilligan. Hold this.

Oh, attaboy. Rexy baby.

You're gonna win the next race for me, aren't you?

You have to stand on the finish line

hold a carrot and we can't lose.

Skipper, you win a 6-foot sloop.

I'll be your first mate, we'll go--

Hold it. Hold it.

If I race Howell, I'll be betting your services.

Tell you what, Skipper.

I insist you bet my service as a houseboy.

You'll do it? You insist?

Oh, little buddy, that's wonderful.

You've, uh, changed your mind?

- I have. - You want to race me again?

I do, Mr. Howell.

Still willing to bet Gilligan's services?

I am, uh, that is, we are.

- Why? - Why not?

Look, Captain, I didn't get into my present exalted position

in the world of finance by accepting things at face value.

You think you have a chance of winning.

The question before the board is...how come?

No secret, fact is we've knitted a pair of wings for my turtle

and he's gonna fly through the air with greatest of ease.

Mr. Howell, turtles couldn't fly even if they did have wings.

Ginger, kindly pay attention.

Certainly not if the wings were knitted.

I think that Skipper's pulling your leg.

Never mind my leg, it's his sleeve I'm worried about.

He's got something up it.

Oh, and you want me to find out what it is.

Ha ha, you're right on the target, girl.

- From Gilligan, of course. - Bull's eye.

Don't back away, Gilligan. I just wanna talk to you.

I'm not, just that my-my back itches

and I'm gonna scratch it on the tree.

I'll scratch it for you.

You know, Gilligan, when I'm a famous movie star

I'm gonna have my own yacht and you can be my captain.

A little lower.

And we'll sail away to magic ports of call, won't we?

Yeah, a little, little bit to the left.

- How's that? - Oh, yeah.

Oh, I can't be your captain because I've got to be

the first mate for-for the Skipper and his yacht.

Oh, you mean, the one Mr. Howell is bidding?

Uh-huh, a little bit higher.

- Gilligan.. - Huh?

Do you have a turtle that's faster than Mr. Howell's?

I'm not allowed to tell anything about that.

Oh, you can tell me about it.

How's that? Is that the right spot?

Yeah. That's it.

Tell me about everything, Gilligan.

So you told her everything, eh?

Then she ran from you to Howell and told him everything.

Gilligan, I've taught you what to do when Ginger was after you.

Sorry, I tried to remember.

- But-but-- - But what?

She started scratching my back against a tree

found a favorite spot, and I don't know what my mouth said.

Gilligan, I don't want anymore talking. You understand?

Luckily, Mr. Howell can't do anything about this.

- Morning, Mary Ann. - Hi, Skipper. Hi, Gilligan.

- What's the matter? - I'm not allowed to talk.

Mary Ann, could we have a couple of your carrots?

I'm sorry, Skipper, not unless Mr. Howell says it's okay.

What? W-w-what's Mr. Howell got to do with your carrots?

Well, his carrots. He bought them over an hour ago.

Five thousand dollars for 50 carrots.

Fifty carrots for $5,000?

How's your long division, Skipper?

Oh, never mind my long division, Gilligan.

If we can't have carrots

we'll try some of your turnips. Maybe they'll work.

I'm sorry, Skipper.

- He bought those too? - Mm-hm.

All eight plants for $4,000.

Eight plants for $4,000?

Never mind the long division, Gilligan.

All that you have left is your wild lettuce. We'll try that.

- He bought that too. - He bought that too.

Three thousand dollars.

Three thousand dollars for the wild lettuce

and 9,000 and then 4,000

and 4,000 is..

- Gilligan, would you stop that? - I think I'm all mixed up.

Well, I'll straighten you out, mate.

Find something that's as good as carrots.

Something that my turtle will like better.

And do it before the race so I can win.

That's an order.

- Hi, Professor. - Hi, Gilligan.

I'm glad you got shipped wrecked with us.

I'm not sure, but I know you meant it as a compliment.

I do. You're a smart man.

- You know lots of things. - Such as?

What our turtle would eat since we don't have carrots.

I'm not an authority on that subject.

You see, I'm not a herpetologist.

That's okay because he isn't a herp, he's a turtle.

A herpetologist is--

Professor, what do you think he'd like to eat?

Well, you might try seaweed or moss

or plants or even grass.

- I'm really-- - Seaweed, grass, moss.

Okay, thanks a lot, Professor.

Seaweed is rich in iron and vitamin C

just like in orange juice.

You'd run when you see me holding seaweed at finish line.

'And it'll make you grow up to be a strong turtle.'

Besides that, it tastes good. Just look at Gilligan.

Look happy, like you're eating some steak.

See? Gilligan just loves it. Don't you?

I hate it.

Turtle will hear it. Eat some more.

Maybe you'd rather have some of this grass.

Here we are.

You make that grass look good, Gilligan.

Down to the moss now.

Here, try some moss.

'Here, Gilligan. Make the moss look good.'

Gilligan, he's eating the moss.

He's eating the moss.

We're back in business. We're back in business.

That's it.

'Eat!'

(Skipper) 'Come on, turtle, move. Spin a little.'

- 'Get up there.' - 'Come on.'

'Oh, no. He's winning again.'

(Howell) 'Ha ha ha.'

What went wrong, Gilligan? What happened?

I don't know, Skipper. He sure went for the moss in practice.

- In practice? What practice? - We practiced all afternoon.

He must have put away 25-30 pounds of moss..

Nice try, Skipper. Come on, Gilligan.

Mrs. Howell has a million and one things to show you

before you serve us our dinner.

- Goodbye, Skipper. - Houseboy, there you go.

[theme music]

Darling, I'm so delighted that your turtle won the race.

Yes, it does make life more bearable, doesn't it, mm?

I just adore having a butler and an upstairs maid

a downstairs maid and a cook and a gardener

and a chauffeur and a houseboy, even if Gilligan is all of them.

Even here, I can provide my wife with a staff of servant.

Staff of servant. Darling, you're brilliant.

Where's that boy with my drink? Gilligan!

- 'Coming, Mr. Howell.' - Hurry up, will you, huh?

- Your drink, sir. - Oh, thank you.

Gilligan, help me with this yarn.

- Certainly, Mrs. Howell. - My, my!

The market is going higher and higher.

How did you get a newspaper on the island?

My news boy has a strong right arm.

We've had that same paper ever since we were ship wrecked.

Mr. Howell reads the financial page every day.

The market doesn't go up and it's very comforting

because it doesn't go down either.

This punch is off. Put some more papaya or something in it.

- Certainly, Mr. Howell. - Alright.

Gilligan, my yarn.

Oh, sorry, Mrs. Howell.

You're getting me all tangled up, son.

- What's the matter with you? - Oh, Gilligan, this way.

Oh, Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Oh!

Right. There goes the whole..

...New York Exchange.

Oh, my beautiful knitting.

Hello, Professor.

You really miss Gilligan, don't you, Skipper?

I do. It's not the same around the hut.

I mean, nobody to yell at, that is discuss things a bit.

He used to help me with chores. I'm like a ship without rudder.

We all go through this sort of thing, Skipper.

We don't appreciate what we got until we lose it.

I suppose you're right.

Where are you going?

Over to visit what I lost.

Gilligan. Hey, Gilligan.

Tradesmen around the rear, please.

It's me, your Skipper.

Do you have an appointment?

Need an appointment to see my little buddy?

No, to see the Howells.

Besides being a houseboy, I'm a butler and a chauffeur.

Chauffeur?

That part is easy. We don't have a car.

I think they're overworking you.

You must feel like a prisoner here taking all these jobs.

No, Skipper. I get every other Thursday off.

- You don't miss me. - I miss you.

- Miss you a lot. - Nobody to yell at you?

Mr. Howell yells but not half as loud.

The place is messy but not messy as ours.

Mrs. Howell can't give orders. She says "please."

What do you expect from a woman?

I miss being your first mate.

I'll get you back, little buddy.

How? You've nothing left to bet.

I have, Skipper, look. It's my boy's scout knife.

There's a spoon and there's a fork and there's a blade

a nail file and tweezers

a key ring and a corkscrew. Take it.

N-no, Gilligan, I couldn't. Suppose I lose?

He'll have me and the knife and I'll use it as much as now.

- If you win, you win me back. - No, Gilligan.

I shouldn't have bet you against his sloop

and to take your possession, I couldn't do it.

- Even if I insist? - Even if you insist.

Mr. Howell, it would've brought tears to your eyes.

From laughing. Get on with your housework, boy?

Please, one more race?

The Skipper has nothing left to wager.

He has my boy scout knife.

- The one with the corkscrew? - Yeah, screwdriver, nail file.

- And the compass? - Yeah.

And a can opener, key ring and tweezers.

You're leaving something out.

- Huh? Oh, knife blade. - Yes, yes.

Gilligan, my boy, I'll admit that I've had my eye

on that knife for some time, but, uh

how come you're willing to bet your dearest possession?

After all, I've won 40 races.

What makes you think I'm gonna start losing now?

I was thinking, maybe, if you lost on purpose--

Me, a Howell, lose on purpose?

But you have everything, yachts, oil wells, banks.

And money.

Big corporations. Everybody looks up to you..

What does the Skipper have? Me!

It's all he has and... Mr. Howell, it'd mean so much

for him to win me and little for you to lose me.

Please, Mr. Howell?

Gilligan, my boy, you're a fine young man.

Your story would melt a man with a heart of stone.

But, fortunately, my cronies call me

"Old, granite heart, Howell."

Gilligan, tell the Skipper I'm willing to race.

May the best turtle win.

Naturally, I have the best turtles.

No one challenges a Howell and comes through unscaved.

- Comes through what? - Unscaved.

Oh, Mr. Howell, after you through unscaving him

will he be able to scave again?

Don't ever say that, will you?

- Yes, sir. - And, Gilligan.

Take good care of my knife.

- You mean my knife? - Until the race.

If the Skipper is man enough to race me.

Imagine the nerve of that houseboy, Lovey.

Asking Thurston Howell to let the Skipper win a race.

Well, after all, dear, Gilligan's vote

is strictly humanitarian.

Yeah, those are the worse kinds.

Darling, the Skipper's awfully unhappy without Gilligan.

If you don't see tears, it's 'cause I'm crying on the inside.

Darling, we don't really need a houseboy.

There's nothing for him to do.

Well, I'm simply aghast.

Mrs. Thurston Howell is used to a staff of servants.

Yes, I know, dear, but I've grown used to doing without.

Spoken like a true aristocrat and I'm very proud of you.

Even here marooned on this island as Chairman of the Board

I can still provide you with some creature comforts.

Oh, in other words--

In other words, I will not lose to the Skipper on purpose.

Now, the matter is closed, dear.

It says, uh, "Very soon now, you're gonna meet

a big, strong, handsome man."

Huh! Fat chance.

Not unless one drops out of an airplane.

If your horoscope says, you're gonna meet him.

Where am I gonna meet a big, strong, handsome man?

- Hi, girls. - Hi, Skipper.

There he is, a big-strong-handsome man.

And you just met him.

Ginger, the Skipper's been with us now for several months.

Let me see what else your horoscope says.

It says, "If you don't believe in horoscopes

why don't you go back to your vegetable garden?"

Oh, well, guess I will.

Uh, bye, Mary Ann. What was that all about?

I was just reading her horoscope, Skipper.

Like me to read yours? You know, you-you'd be surprised.

If you really follow it, everything works out right.

- What day is your birthday? - Um, uh, the 5th of May.

Oh, you're Taurus.

You're under the sign of the bull.

I knew I was under the sign of something.

I thought it was the eight ball.

Oh, let's see. The 16th is your day.

Sixteen, that'll be tomorrow.

Yeah, it says, "Strike hard, strike fast.

"The race is to the swift.

And on the 16th, you will be the swiftest."

Th-the race? Is that what it says?

- I'll be the swiftest? - Yeah.

It says, "A day's delay will be too late.

Seize your opportunity by the horns."

I guess that's because you're Taurus.

"And win, win, win."

I'll do it, Ginger. Thanks a million, I'll do it.

- Don't wanna hear the rest? - Oh, no, I've heard enough.

Thank you. Good news.

[whistles]

[knocking]

(Skipper) 'Gilligan. Hey, Gilligan.'

Who's there?

You know who's there. I'll do it.

I'll bet your boy scout knife

against Howell, if he'll bet you back.

Now, understand. I'll race him, but it's got to be tomorrow.

- Why? - Well, because I'm Taurus.

Where?

Never mind, Gilligan.

Just tell Howell I'll race him tomorrow.

- Okay? - Yeah.

- Tomorrow. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Mrs. Howell.

The Skipper seems terribly confident.

Yeah, I just wish I was.

All I'm trying to do is make Thurston

be the kind of man he really is, despite himself.

Now, I'll just change you turtles around.

The Skipper's turtle will go in our pen.

There!

Oh, our turtle's bigger.

Oh, and our turtle..

...goes in this pen.

There!

I almost forgot.

There!

Now, the Skipper will win

and Gilligan can go back where he belongs.

Ah, thank goodness, it's night.

And no one can see what I'm doing.

Word ever got back to the States that Thurston Howell

deliberately did a good deed, I'll lose my window seat

at the Union League Club.

Forgive me. Here we go.

[laughing]

Oh, you little..

Here we are.

Don't mind, do you? Let's see, now.

The Howell.

Ingenious, hm?

[sighs]

Perfect crime.

You, cunning..

I'll be darned. I must have reached him after all.

[knocking]

Yes, who is it?

- Your ex-first mate. - Gilligan!

My little buddy. You..

- Oh! - No, no, Skipper.

Just came to tell you don't worry.

- You're gonna win tomorrow. - You bet I will.

Granite-hearted Howell switched turtles, you got the fast one.

- He what? - I saw him do it, yeah.

I don't wanna win the race that way.

You wanna win me back?

Certainly, I do, Gilligan, but honorably.

Could you sleep nights, knowing that that race was fixed?

- I could sleep anytime. - Well, I couldn't.

We're going and putting those turtles back where they belong.

[sighs]

- He what? - Shh.

He changed them back.

After the trouble I went so he'd win?

He doesn't wanna win that way.

- You know what he's doing? - Scaving? Unscaving?

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I won't stand for it.

When Howell makes up his mind to be

a decent honest person, nobody, shh

and I repeat, nobody stands in his way.

Good for you, Mr. Decent Human Being.

Go put the turtles the way they were, hurry up.

Say goodnight to teddy.

No, go back.

You're not supposed to win.

Don't go back that way.

(Professor) 'Slow down. Not so fast.'

- Don't win. Please don't. - He's gonna win again.

Come on, get a move on.

- 'Come on.' - 'Come on, Skipper.'

- Oh, Skipper. - Very good, come on, Tiger.

(Howell) 'No, don't finish. Fall or anything.'

No, go back. You are not supposed to win this time.

You're not supposed to win this time.

Oh, it can't be. It just can't be.

- My knife. - His knife.

I-I tried to be nice. I really tried.

But I-I still came out on top. I mean, what..

Ah, there you are, Skipper.

Any of that good, old betting spirit left?

I have a pebble in one of these hands and you guess.

If you guess which hand has the pebble, you win.

Go ahead, go ahead. Choose one, choose one.

There you are. I win, you lose.

Which means you get Gilligan back.

- Gilligan. - You rang, sir?

- I'm giving you to the Skipper. - Skipper?

But I thought you said I lost the bet.

Exactly. You see, when Gilligan was my houseboy

he washed my shirts and he ironed my trousers.

When you're betting to see who gets Gilligan

the loser is the winner.

Go away.

* They're here for a long long time *

* They'll have to make the best of things *

* It's an uphill climb *

* The first mate and his Skipper too *

* Will do their very best *

* To make the others comfortable *

* In the tropic island nest *

* No phone, no lights, no motorcars *

* Not a single luxury *

* Like Robinson Crusoe *

* It's primitive as can be *

* So join us here each week my friends *

* You're sure to get a smile *

* From seven stranded castaways *

* Here on Gilligan's isle **