Original subtitles

* Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale *

* A tale of a fateful trip *

* That started from this tropic port *

* Aboard this tiny ship *

* The mate was a mighty sailin' man *

* The Skipper brave and sure *

* Five passengers set sail that day *

* For a three-hour tour *

* A three-hour tour *

[thunder rumbling]

* The weather started getting rough *

* The tiny ship was tossed *

* If not for the courage of the fearless crew *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The ship set ground on the shore of this *

* Uncharted desert isle *

* With Gilligan *

* The Skipper too *

* The millionaire *

* And his wife *

* The movie star *

* And the rest *

* Are here on Gilligan's Isle *

[drum beats]

Oh, Gilligan. How utterly utterly charmy!

Huh?

You sitting in the middle of the jungle

playing a percussion instrument.

I thought I was playing a drum.

My dear boy, a drum is a percussion instrument.

Oh, let me percuss for you.

Oh, you've no idea what memory this recalls.

All those rapturous hours at the Philomene.

Listening to Beethoven and Brahms and Mozart.

I'm hungry for music, Gilligan. Hungry.

Care for drumstick?

You give me the most marvelous idea.

I have?

What is it we need on this island?

- A way to get off. - Culture.

And what's more cultural than music?

Gilligan, we'll form our own little symphony orchestra.

And you my dear boy, you will be the drummer.

In that case, I better start practicing, huh?

Uh-huh.

[drum beats]

[drum beats continue]

[drum beats continue]

[drum beats continue]

[speaking tribal language]

[shouting]

You know, Thurston, it's quite a problem

deciding what to open up with in our first concert.

What's your opinion of Brahms' lullaby?

Well, it's great if you wanna take a nap.

Hold still, you little rascal.

Thurston, I don't like your attitude

or your lack of enthusiasm.

It was only last year that you gave 5 million dollars

to the New England Symphony Orchestra.

That was to keep them in New England.

Second thought, I think we better open up

with Beethoven's V.

I'd like to open up anybody's V.

Ha, that was a witty one, Lovey.

Thurston, you're not paying any attention to me.

But Lovey, why bother with an orchestra?

There are more important things on this island.

Indispensable things, like, say, a polo field.

I'm sorry you feel like that, but I'm gonna forge ahead.

There's only one thing that's holding up our project

and that's finding a good conductor.

Symphony, orchestra, with all the things..

Did you say a good conductor?

Oh, what you do with your wrist. The resemblance is fantastic.

You have Leonard Bernstein's wrist.

I wonder what he's using at Lincoln Center.

Oh, darling, I hope it's not an imposition

but would you consider conducting the orchestra?

Well, I'd have to give it serious consideration.

- Well-- - That's enough, yes.

And our first number will be

"Flight of the Zumble Bumble Bumblebee."

Oh, I got it.

[drum beats]

- Hi, Skipper, what you doing? - Hello, Gilligan.

I shall use this branch to make a baton for myself.

I'm going to conduct the orchestra.

- You? - Certainly, who else?

You think I'm an amateur?

I lead the navy band on my destroyer.

- I never knew that. - Certainly.

For five years, we almost got honorable mention.

I didn't know you were that good.

Don't you think this will make a good baton?

'Put your drum down and give me a hand, will you, Gilligan?'

And, now, when I pull, you pull with me.

Okay.

Pull!

Pull!

Gilligan, I should have known better.

Asking your help is like putting a fire out with gasoline.

You don't need a belt, Skipper. Not with that great big--

- 'Gilligan.' - Chest.

That's better.

That looks like a good B-flat.

Looks more like a G to me. Let's see.

B-flat, yeah.

That's a little low.

That's a little high.

- That's perfect. - That's my knuckles.

I'm sorry.

It's just not right.

Well, no wonder, it's longer than the rest.

Here, I'll cut it off, right there.

Hi, Gilligan. Hi, Ginger.

- Hi, Mary Ann. - Hi.

Hey! Hey, listen to this.

- Recognize this? - No.

- It's Melancholy Baby. - How about that?

- It's not even finished. - It sounds beautiful.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, I'm the only one who doesn't have an instrument to play.

Oh, that's a shame, Mary Ann.

Hey, why not this one here?

- What? - Yeah, watch.

So all you do is, take it like this and bend it like that.

tung

- Think I can play it? - Sure, why not?

- I don't have an ear for music. - You just need a knee.

tung

Hey! Oh, Gilligan, you're wonderful.

tung

* Do do do do dah Dee dee dee dee **

Thurston, what are you doing with two batons?

Well, when Mickey Mantle comes to home plate

he always waves two bats, you see.

Oh, darling, you have a magnificent brilliant mind.

And it's ideal for Rimsky Korsakov.

One for Rimsky and the other for Korsakov.

As we say in musical circles Bach to Bach, over there.

Patrons and sponsors, if you please.

* Da da dee dah *

* Da da da dum *

* Da da da dum * * Da da da dum *

* Da da da dum *

Wait a minute, there's an echo in this island.

- It's me, Mr. Howell. - Oh.

I see you're getting ready to conduct.

Yes, I'm just gonna say one-ah and a two-ah

to borrow some numbers from our friend, Lawrence Welk.

Professor, have you decided on your musical instrument?

I have, Mrs. Howell.

If this turns out as I anticipate

I'll be playing the flute.

Then it will be a flute.

'Cause there isn't enough wood there for a cello.

Toodle-oo, I've to make arrangements for our rehearsal.

Yes, yes. Of course, darling.

That's very ingenious, when does it go back on the assembly line?

Practically finished right now, Mr. Howell.

[flute music]

That's very good. Ready for the rehearsal.

Over there, Professor. The conductor, there we are.

[off key music]

[off key music continues]

Just a moment, Mr. Howell.

Just what do you think you're doing?

I'm getting ready for rehearsal for the concert, you see.

Oh, there must be some misunderstanding.

- You see, I'm the conductor. - Oh, no.

You're the Skipper and I'm the conductor.

Oh, just hold it, Professor. I wanna tell you, what is this?

That looks like a long toothpick or short pool cube.

It's a baton, and who made you the conductor?

An impartial judge, Mrs. Howell.

I thought so.

For your information, I used to conduct the band for the Navy.

Well, any music that you conducted should be banned.

- Very funny. - Yes.

Well, I will prove to you who is the best conductor.

Professor.

Just a minute, Professor. You take it from me.

- I shall lead the orchestra. - No. I'm leading the orchestra.

Oh, on guard, Mr. Howell.

You'll take it from me.

Oh!

Quiet. Quiet. Musicians, hush.

- Gilligan. - Oh.

Now, we'll start our first number.

One-ah, two-ah, three-ah.

[orchestral music]

[loud horn]

What was that? Sounded like a fog horn.

It was.

What is a fog horn doing in our orchestra?

I'm sorry, Maestro, but it can't be helped.

This is the fog horn of the SS Minnow.

Sounds alright to me. We need it for "Foggy Day in London Town."

Thank you, Ginger.

Now, let's get on with Strauss and the Blue Danube.

One-ah, two-ah, three-ah.

[music continues]

Ow!

Musicians, please.

Among all those beautiful notes that sounded like a clinker.

It's that square on the triangle.

This is a very difficult instrument.

It's easy to play a wind instrument.

Yeah, especially for you, with all that hot air.

Arturo Toscanini. I've...been insulted.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. No temper, more tempo.

(Mrs. Howell) 'One-ah, two-ah, three-ah.'

[music continues]

[music ends]

[drum beats]

[men shouting]

[drum beat continues]

[speaking tribal language]

[orchestral music continues]

[shouting hysterically]

- Where'd he come from? - I don't know.

How dare you interrupt our concert.

[speaking tribal language]

Stop with those lame excuses. You're absolutely uncivilized.

Please, Mr. Howell, I'll try to communicate with him.

Uh. Parlez-vous Francais?

Si habla Espanol?

Sprechen sie Deutsch?

Let me try it.

[speaking gibberish]

[replying in tribal language]

- What did he say? - Who?

- 'Him.' - I don't know.

He just answered you. What did he say?

I forgot what I asked him.

Oh! Let me handle this!

I'll speak a language that everybody understands. Money.

Here, buy yourself a mahogany surf board.

Ah, shrewd fellow. He wants more. There you go.

Now, give me that back.

According to the markings on this knife

I'd say this fellow is a member of a fierce primitive tribe.

What's he doing on this island?

He's probably an advance scout for the tribe.

We're in danger of being attacked.

We better not tell the others.

[tribal music]

Look!

[tribals shouting]

[screaming]

- What are we gonna do? - Come here, darling.

Stay calm, everybody. We'll head for the south end of the island.

South. This way.

Oops! wait!

East end. East end.

[screaming]

Wait!

This way. The west end.

The west end.

[comical music]

Look!

What do we do now? We're all out of ends.

[tribals chattering]

What's going on out there?

[whispering] Gilligan. They hear us, we're finished.

Skipper, we've gotta face something.

Those natives are gonna find the cave where we're hiding.

But if we stay in that cave, we're gonna starve to death.

- That's a great idea. - What's a great idea?

If we're skin and bones, those cannibals won't kill us.

So, if we starve to death we'll save our lives.

Oh, I'm so cold. This cave is freezing at night.

The best way to keep warm is to stay close together.

Can we light a fire?

Even my blue blood is starting to cube up.

I'm frozen. I've got peacock bumps.

- You mean goosebumps. - On a howl?

Skipper, I'm freezing. I'm going numb. I'm going numb.

If everyone wants to keep nice and warm, I know a perfect way.

- Oh, how? - Just follow me.

Brrr.

Where are we going?

We're gonna give ourselves up to the cannibals

and they'll put us in a nice hot pot.

I can't see a thing out there. It's alright to start the fire.

Good, professor. Here, Gilligan.

Take these two sticks. Start rubbing 'em together.

Aye aye, sir.

[comical music]

Would it be faster if I helped you?

No, it'd be faster if I used my matches.

- Matches. You got matches? - Sure.

Why didn't you use them?

Because you told me to rub two sticks together.

Light that fire.

[fire crackling]

Even with those savages outside

I feel better now that we have this fire.

I still got goosebumps, but at least they're warm.

If it weren't for those cannibals, we could have picnic.

Don't mention cannibals and picnic in the same breath.

If they find this cave, we'll be the main course.

- Thurston. - Very vulgar.

At least let me think of myself as the dessert.

Barbeque, hot dogs and hamburgers.

Oh, Gilligan. Stop the food talk.

- But I'm hungry. - Oh, we all are.

We haven't eaten for ten hours.

Ten hours. Then I'm starved.

Don't mention food. It makes us hungrier.

Alright. Alright. I won't mention food again.

I won't mention food even if you burn me at the stake.

Steak!

Skipper, I recall reading a Professor Oldenberg's text

on primitive tribes and customs.

The more primitive the tribe, the more superstitious it is.

Well, with this bunch we must have hit the jackpot.

And they're terrified of various Gods.

Listen, if we could convince them that we are Gods

with mystical powers, they might flee and panic.

Professor, how are we gonna do that?

Professor Oldenburg sighted a case where

he saved his own life by using a radio on the Papuan Tribe.

They heard voice coming from a box, thought professor was God.

Well, it's worth a chance. In here, we'll starve to death.

- I'll get the radio. - Good luck, Professor.

And I'll take Gilligan along with me.

Lots of luck, Professor.

[tribals chattering]

Let's hope this works.

I sure hope so. Look at those sharp spears.

I'd hate to wind up like a shish kebab.

Here goes.

Don't you think you oughta turn the radio on?

- Oh. - Hope it gets 'em good.

(man on radio) 'Tomorrow will be warm and sunny followed by showers.'

'So don't forget.'

'If you need money, drop in at our office.'

'...red tape, just ask for friendly help.'

Here you go, Gilligan. You hold it.

I'm gonna try to hasten their departure.

(man on radio) 'Friendly Henry has a solid institution..'

[radio stops]

Come on, Henry. Get friendly again.

[tribals chattering]

Oh-oh.

[shouting]

Where are they? They've been gone for hours.

Don't worry, Skipper. Professor can cope with anything.

That man's got a good head on his shoulders.

I'm worried about Gilligan.

He's got some on his shoulders, too.

Except I can't figure out what it is.

Gilligan, ha ha. Where's the Professor?

- They got 'em. - 'Oh, no.'

They thought we were Gods until Friendly Henry stopped talking.

- Who's that? - Radio announcer, he was--

Never mind that, Gilligan. We've got to go and rescue him.

Right.

Find something to make them think we're Gods.

- The flash light. - The flash light. Good idea.

[dramatic music]

[snoring]

Oh, the poor Professor.

What happened to him, Gilligan? Did you see him?

No, but some of those natives look fatter.

They've probably got him tied up someplace.

I sure hope so.

We'll get him after we get rid of these natives.

I'll take the flashlight, flash it in their faces

and frighten them into thinking we're some kinda Gods.

- Right. - Give me the flashlight.

- Come on, Gilligan. - Yeah.

[shouting]

I am the God of light.

[tribals growling]

I am the God of light.

[tribals growling]

Gilligan, it doesn't work.

I guess I forgot to put the batteries in.

[shouting]

- Pot! Pot! - Uh...big pot!

- Jackie Gleason. - Sounds like..

Gilligan, what's the matter? Where's the captain?

- They got him. - Oh, not the Skipper too.

Oh, you didn't trip and drop the flashlight.

No, I forgot to put the batteries in.

We've got to rescue them. Let's go, Gilligan.

- You want me to go along? - Yeah, come on, let's go.

- Thurston! Thurston. - Lovey, my dear, a final word.

What was that charade we were trying to guess?

The natives are restless tonight. Ha ha ha.

[natives chattering]

What is that thing anyway?

The fire extinguisher from the SS Minnow.

We're supposed to rescue Professor and Skipper.

Leave the fire to Smokey the Bear, will you?

How will we convince those natives we're Gods?

- Know the white stuff in this? - It's carbon dioxide.

I'll spray it over my head, they'll see my hair turn white.

Feel my hair turning white, right now.

Mr. Howell, just follow me.

Watch this now, Mr. Howell.

[shouting hysterically]

[shouting]

Ha ha ha.

How about that? They're all scared, thinking I'm God.

- You wanna try it? - Yeah, here let my try.

[shouting]

Oh! Wait a minute..

[shouting]

- Poor boy, where's Thurston? - They got him.

- He's much too rich to die. - He'll be alright. I'm sure.

What do we do now? That's the end of the men.

- I'm still here. - As I was saying..

I'll show you. I'll rescue them.

Don't leave us here alone.

This is where they were, but they're gone.

- What's happened to them? - Where can they be?

- They had a good meal and left. - Oh, Gilligan.

It's almost daylight.

Oh, maybe they went to our camp. Let's go see.

Yeah.

[tribal music]

[tribals shouting]

We're marooned on this island.

They can't understand what we're saying. They're going anyway.

They liked my drum playing, I'll give a send off.

- Never mind that now. - I wanna be friendly.

[banging drums]

[drums continue]

[speaking tribal language]

* Now, this is the tale of the castaways *

* They're here for a long, long time *

* They'll have to make the best of things *

* It's an uphill climb *

* The first mate and his Skipper too *

* Will do their very best *

* To make the others comfortable *

* In their tropic island nest *

* No phone, no lights, no motorcars *

* Not a single luxury *

* Like Robinson Crusoe *

* It's primitive as can be *

* So join us here each week my friends *

* You're sure to get a smile *

* From seven stranded castaways *

* Here on Gilligan's isle **