Original subtitles

* Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale *

* A tale of a fateful trip *

* That started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship *

* The mate was a mighty sailin' man *

* The Skipper brave and sure *

* Five passengers set sail that day *

* For a three hour tour *

* A three hour tour *

[thunder rumbling]

* The weather started getting rough *

* The tiny ship was tossed *

* If not for the courage of the fearless crew *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The ship set ground on the shore *

* Of this uncharted desert isle *

* With Gilligan *

* The Skipper too *

* The millionaire *

* And his wife *

* The movie star *

* And the rest *

* Are here on Gilligan's Isle *

[snoring]

Dear, the opening of the opera

the horse show, two debutant balls.

What the hell are you talking about?

Oh, nothing, dear. Go back to sleep.

It's not your fault, anyway.

Ah, ah, ah. Thank you.

What's-what's not my fault?

Well, that we're sitting out the entire social season

on this silly little island.

Well, you're actually right. It's-it's not my fault.

I don't mind missing the other things.

But, Thurston, the weddings. Oh!

If there was just something I could do here

like a charity ball or a benefit luncheon

or-or making a perfect match.

Chin up, Lovey.

We won't be on this deary little island forever.

Thurston, Thurston. Can't the captain of a ship marry people?

Yes, as a matter of fact he can. Why?

Why didn't I think about that before?

They're the most perfect match. A little off beat of course.

But then that's terribly chic and it's the right season too.

Lovey, what on earth are you talking about?

Well, the wedding of course. I have a thousand things to do.

If I'm not asking too much, whose wedding?

I don't understand, no one here, but Gilligan and Mary Ann.

Exactly. Romeo and Juliet.

Nuptials between Gilligan and Mary Ann.

They're not even aware of each other's existence.

Of course they are, dear. Look at them out there.

With some encouragement they could be madly in love.

Gilligan, you should have told me. You set that trap?

- I might have broken a leg. - I'm sorry you fell in.

- Here, let me rub it. - Oh, no, that's alright.

- What were you trying to catch? - An anteater.

- An anteater? Whatever for? - For Ginger, the poor girl.

You mean, she told you to catch an anteater?

No, the Skipper did.

He said she had ants in her belfry, whatever that is.

So I tried to help her get rid of 'em.

I'm sure the Skipper said bats in her belfry.

Bats?

Where am I gonna find a bat eater?

I don't even know what they look like.

Gilligan and Mary Ann haven't shown

the slightest romantic inclination towards each other.

Of course not, dear.

If they could manage on their own

they wouldn't need me, would they?

Lovey, I want you to stop this ridiculous plan of action

at once!

Alright, darling, if you insist

but it would be so easy.

First we get them thinking about marriage in general.

No!

And then we get them thinking about each other.

No.

And get them thinking about

the perfect marriage in the flesh.

- That's us, dear. - No. I mean, yes, yes, us.

It'd all be so easy. We'll let nature take its course.

And then I'll work on Mary Ann and you work on Gilligan.

No! I'll have no part of this

cold blooded, nefarious, female scheme.

Yes, my boy, man doesn't start living until

after he is married.

Mr. Howell, that must have cost a fortune.

Everything I have costs a fortune, Gilligan, my boy.

Except this camera. It costs more than a fortune.

It's solid gold, it's custom made, actually it's priceless.

It's beautiful.

It's true I like the finer things in life and so could you.

I never could be a millionaire.

Ha ha, don't sell yourself short, Gilligan.

Do you think that I was always healthy, handsome and wealthy?

- Sure. - No, on the contrary.

When I was a youth, I was pale, sickly-looking inept

rather like you, my boy.

- You're kidding? - Yes, I started to go downhill.

And then I met Lovey and that woman changed me.

She took me and she hammered, pounded, and molded me.

- That must have hurt. - It's a figure of speech.

Take the camera. Take a picture of me

next to this rather rare plant for my album.

Sure thing, Mr. Howell.

Remember, behind every famous man there stands a woman.

Look at Napoleon and Josephine. Look at Caesar and Cleopatra.

Look where you are going, Gilligan!

Oh, no.

I think I got your picture.

Have you ever seen a grown man cry?

Frightening sight.

- They'll be awfully pretty. - Thank you, dear.

Thurston loves these colorful ascots.

You certainly like to please him, don't you?

It's all I live for.

To be a good wife is to be a completely fulfilled woman.

You'll find out yourself some day. I hope.

I do too, I want to get married.

Of course, you do, dear.

Every girl at your age does, but time goes so fast.

Yes, it does. Doesn't it?

We could be marooned on this island for years.

And years and years.

Of course there are eligible bachelors right here.

For me? Well, who?

I'm much too young for the Skipper.

The professor and I have nothing in common.

Gilligan, well..

Gilligan? Gilligan, a husband?

Flowers from Gilligan? Are you sure?

Of course, I was here when he put them on the bunk.

- And he said they were for me? - Uh-hm. Don't be so surprised.

After all, you're a girl and he's..

Well, whatever he is, he's kind of cute.

Gee, I just..

Imagine he's having a crush on you and we discovered it now.

It reminds me of a movie I was in once.

He loved her with a burning passion.

And she loved him like a flaming fire.

It was a good movie.

Sounds more like a commercial for a gas company.

Hi, girls. I wanted to see if you got the flowers, Mary Ann.

See, I told you. Why didn't you say something to him?

- I didn't know what to say. - Just be sweet to him.

I mean he's a shy frightened fawn.

Just like in the movies.

See you.

Flowers from Gilligan.

Gilligan, I-I just wanna say, don't be fooled by appearances.

- Okay? - Okay.

What I mean is

sometimes a person can't show what they feel.

- Do you know what I mean? - Nope.

Gilligan, try to understand.

Sometimes a certain girl feels the same way as certain fellow

feels about her, but she just can't show it.

Get it?

Oh!

Oh, oh.

I just felt I should say something.

Oh, I'm glad you didn't.

I'm glad you like me as much as I like you.

I'll tell you what, don't you worry about your belfry.

I'll find you that bat eater.

Belfry?

Well, our little buddy here is becoming quite a social lad.

Yes, how come he gets a special invitation to the Howells.

Mrs. Howell wanna thank me for helping her.

She picked flowers and had me give 'em to Mary Ann.

Had you give them to Mary Ann?

She wanted to thank Mary Ann for helping with the sewing.

- Was there a note? - I don't think. Why?

Well, you left the flowers for Mary Ann without a note.

She'll think you gave them to her.

Why would she think that? She didn't help me with sewing.

Gilligan, your innocence is exceeded only by your naivety.

You left yourself wide open for a dilly of misunderstanding.

Many men have been brought to their knees

by lot less than flowers. Right?

Oh, right, Professor.

Did you notice the way Mary Ann kept passing him the toast?

And yesterday it was the coconut milk. Highly indicative.

I want to tell you there's no telling

what's playing around that pretty little head.

What you're trying to put me on won't work.

Mary Ann doesn't have a crush on me. Ginger does.

Oh, Gilligan, come and take this chair.

It's the most comfortable.

Thank you for inviting me tonight.

It's the least we could do for your help this morning.

But I broke your priceless, solid gold camera.

Yes, you did.

[knock on door]

Oh, there's someone at the door. Come in.

Oh, Mary Ann. What a surprise!

- It is? You did ask me over. - Oh, yes, of course.

Gilligan dropped in too. Isn't that nice?

- Hi, Gilligan. - Hi, Mary Ann.

Ah, now isn't this cozy? Sit right down here.

Thurston, haven't we got some champagne cooling in the stream.

One of our last bottles.

Oh, marvelous! We must get it at once.

Now you two children sit there and chat.

We'll be right back.

[blowing]

Ah-huh.

Something bothering you, Mary Ann?

Oh, no. No, Gilligan. I..

Well, I do want to thank you for the flowers.

Oh, I didn't give you those flowers, Mrs. Howell did.

Mrs. Howell?

- Ginger said you left them. - I did, for Mrs. Howell.

Oh, I guess I just..

Oh, I thought maybe..

Oh.

Then you mean that you and, uh, Ginger was..

The guys were right.

I guess it was a little misunderstanding, huh?

Yeah, I guess.. Tell you what, Mary Ann.

I'd spend all morning picking flowers for someone

I-I'd certainly pick those flowers for someone

as sweet and nice as you are.

Oh. That's an awfully sweet thing to say, Gilligan.

Well, it's awfully sweet thing of you to think that, hm.

I'm not half as sweet as you.

Well, I'm not.. You are twice as sweet as me.

Heavens, what a conversation.

Things are going swimmingly.

They're getting sweet on each other, I'll say that much.

Thurston, let's show them what real happiness is.

Well, here we are. Will you do the honors, sweetheart?

Yes, delighted my pet.

Gilligan, could we have a little light on the subject, please?

Here we are.

I'm gonna tell you children the secret.

This is sort of a celebration.

Twenty years ago tonight

Mr. Howell proposed to me and I accepted.

Aw, how beautifully romantic.

Thurston always had a knack for romance.

He took me to the most enchanting little restaurant

The Tour d'Argent.

Do you remember, sweetheart?

Well, how could I forget a prime bid of income property

on West 47th Street.

- It was on 52nd street, dear. - No, no, dear.

West 47th Street and we had pate de foie gras.

Uh, Thurston, dear, we were having pheasant under glass.

His memory isn't quite what it was.

Yes, well, of course, what difference does it make?

Anyhow, here's to 20 years of wedded bliss.

Bad year.

Here's to the most devoted

considerate husband in the world.

Here, I'll drink to that.

Here's to Lovey who looks as lovely tonight

as she did 20 years ago.

May I say, 20 years ago what a vision of loveliness

she was sitting there in a flaming red dress.

Flaming red dress? I never had a red dress in my life!

You must have rented it

because that's what you had on that night.

Thurston, you must be remembering somebody else.

No. I can see her in that red dress

sitting there, clicking her nails.

Clicking my nails?

Yes, it's a nervous habit she has, clicking her nails.

Oh, shall we make another toast?

Yeah. Here is to 20 years of harmony and bliss.

If I click my nails, it's only to drown

out the noise of his sniffing.

- I beg your pardon? - I said, "sniffing."

Twenty years of it!

Well, I hadn't known it bothered you before.

It doesn't, not nearly so much as his throat clearing.

We haven't spoke of that before.

[clearing throat]

Just as I never spoke of your snoring.

My snoring?

- How dare you say such a thing. - It took nerve.

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell..

Oh, what vulgarity!

But what I can expect of man

who doesn't know the difference between

his oyster fork and a shrimp fork?

That's gone far enough.

I won't go any farther

because I shall never speak to you again.

As long as we have witnesses, you mind putting it in writing.

- Do something. - Um, yeah.

Here's to a perfect marriage.

I heard there's a popular saying for who has had it.

I want you gentlemen to clear space for me

and I'll list my simple requirement.

First of all, tea at seven. Gilligan, you're caddy.

Skipper, I want you to rinse out and wash that luggage.

That beast of a man can go where he chooses.

I'm not staying alone. Be a darling, help me.

I left my hair dryer outside.

Well, here we are, one big happy family

having our happy midday meal.

Yes, it certainly is a beautiful day, isn't it?

It's a lovely day.

Don't you think so, Mrs. Howell?

Might I have the coconut milk please?

[coughing]

I don't think I could be heard over the noise

at the far end of the table

'Ginger, would you please pass the coconut milk?'

Sure.

Gilligan, would you ask the lady who sits there

clicking like a parking meter if she's through with the salt?

Your husband for 20 years would like you to pass the salt.

Tell that gentlemen with the nasal disturbance

that I have not finished.

Why don't you two stop this foolishness?

Yes, your disagreement really has no basis, you know.

What's a few insults when you've been married for 20 years?

Besides whether they even were insults is highly debatable.

Are you kidding? He said that she snored.

You can hardly call that an insult, could you?

Well, I would.

Don't you think that's a bit immature?

No, I think it's an insult.

Perhaps that proves my point.

Well, aren't we the smart one?

I needn't take that tone of voice.

Frankly, I don't blame her a bit.

Excuse me, I'm gonna finish my meal elsewhere.

All this is because Mr. Howell can't remember anything?

I can remember everything.

Be quiet, Gilligan. You're just making things worse.

Don't blame him, after all it was you who started it.

- Says who? - Says me.

- Well, say it to yourself. - I certainly will.

Gilligan, come with me.

I haven't finished.

Gilligan, come with me.

I'm finished.

Gilligan, we've got a red light emergency

and we've got to nip it right in the bud, right now.

- Or nobody will be talking. - Exactly.

How did it all start?

Let's see, the Professor said to Ginger, "I'd like to--"

No, I mean with the Howells. How did it start?

Mrs. Howell asked Mr. Howell for the coconut milk and--

I know this is hard for you

but do you remember clear back to last night?

- Can you do that? - I'll do my best.

- Morale of the group is on you. - Aye aye, sir.

What were the Howells doing when they started their fight?

They were showing Mary Ann and me how happy they were.

- No, no, no. - Yes, yes, yes.

Because they were celebrating the anniversary

of Mr. Howell's proposal to Mrs. Howell in the Tour d'Argent

on 47th street. I remember it all.

Right, she was trying to make everything so romantic.

That's our answer.

Ginger, have you been to this place, the Tour d'Argent?

I've been to the Tour d'Argent. It's very romantic.

Well, then, we will recreate the place as best we can.

We'll get the Howells there, in some sort of a pretext.

We'll set them up with fond memories.

- That should get them together. - That's a wonderful idea.

- I'll be the entertainer. - I'll be the chef.

Can I be the bus boy with a white jacket?

You can be the waiter.

Let's proceed with operation reconciliation.

Come on.

Well, this is more like it.

One big happy family again.

We'll have a little run through.

Ginger, would you be Mrs. Howell?

Yes.

I'll be Mr. Howell.

Ah-h. Are you ready, Gilligan?

After you, peer.

- What? - I heard that in a movie once.

Watch this, Skipper.

- Soup, madame? - Very good, thank you.

Here we go.

- There. - That's very good, Gilligan.

But there's one thing. Relax and bow lower.

- Oh. - Soup, monsieur?

- See you tonight, girls. - Okay, see you.

Gilligan, Gilligan.

Remember tonight, we're trying to bring back

romantic memories for the Howells, right?

Right, Skipper.

And for our plan to work we've got to make

a perfect duplicate of that perfect evening 20 years ago.

- Right, Skipper. - Right.

Now, please don't spill the soup on the Howells tonight.

You can depend on me, Skipper.

Thanks, buddy. Come on.

If you could just come this way, monsieur.

You might let me in on these play-acting shenanigans

as long as you're using my abode.

Thank you.

- Your menu, monsieur. - Menu?

Oh, what on earth is going on here?

A-ha, just as I suspected. Collusion.

A little surprise, Mrs. Howell. Come here.

We've prepared a very special dinner for you.

In that case you might have selected a more

congenial partner for me.

At least she's sitting with him.

Gilligan.

Good evening and welcome to the Tour d'Argent.

- Tour d'Argent? - Just as I thought. Collusion.

And now ladies and gentlemen, from the Tour d'Argent

in the heart of glamorous West 47th Street--

West 52nd Street.

We are happy to present the one and only

the incomparable mademoiselle, Ginger.

[slow instrumental music]

[singing in French]

- Lovely voice? - Yes.

Hold my hand, Thurston, darling.

[continues singing]

[all clapping]

Flowers. Would you like a corsage for madame, monsieur?

Yes, I would very much. Here you are, my dear.

- Keep the change. - Merci.

So, there you are, my darling.

Oh, Thurston, for me?

Well, the little thing has to make a living.

Darling, you're always so generous.

They're smiling. When do I get my turn?

Right away, Gilligan.

Little alcohol on these turtle tit bits and presto..

...flaming hors d'oeuvres.

- Howells are gonna eat these? - Of course.

No wonder they made good. Nothing scares them.

Gilligan, you put the fire out before you serve them.

- Gilligan-- - Don't worry, I'll be careful.

Thank you.

Here you are. Nice flaming hors d'oeuvres.

Gilligan, what are you doing?

Oh, Gilligan. Allow me, madame.

Show off.

Yes.

Now comes your moment of truth, little buddy.

Be of good cheer, Skipper.

I will not spill the soup on the Howells.

And now ladies and gentlemen for her second number

Ginger will present a dance she created in her film

"The Hula Girl and the Fullback."

[Hawaiian music]

No!

[music stops]

Why me, Professor, always me?

I wish some other couple could know the joys of wedded bliss.

Oh, no, no. Not again.

- Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Howell. - Lovely day, isn't it?

- Thank heavens. - I wasn't talking about them.

Oh, good grief.

Marvelous combination and it's the right season too.

- Oh, Ginger, Professor. - Lovey, Lovey, we can't.

Ah, no, not again. Not again.

Lovey, baby.

* Now, this is the tale of the castaways *

* They're here for a long, long time *

* They'll have to make the best of things *

* It's an uphill climb *

* The first mate and his Skipper too *

* Will do their very best *

* To make the others comfortable *

* In the tropic island nest *

* No phone, no lights, no motorcars *

* Not a single luxury *

* Like Robinson Crusoe *

* Its primitive as can be *

* So join us here each week my friends *

You're sure to get a smile *

* From seven stranded castaways *

* Here on Gilligan's isle *