Original subtitles

["The Ballad Of Gilligan's Island"]

* Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale *

* A tale of a fateful trip *

* That started from this tropic port *

* Aboard this tiny ship *

* The mate was a mighty sailin' man *

* The Skipper brave and sure *

* Five passengers set sail that day *

* For a three hour tour *

* A three hour tour *

[thunder rumbling]

* The weather started getting rough *

* The tiny ship was tossed *

* If not for the courage of the fearless crew *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The ship set ground on the shore *

* Of this uncharted desert isle *

* With Gilligan *

* The Skipper too *

* The millionaire *

* And his wife *

* The movie star *

* And the rest *

* Are here on Gilligan's isle *

Major, Operation Powderkeg is ready for the final phase.

Yes, sir.

Now, we'll learn exactly what that new warhead will do.

It's to be tested down the South Sea Missile Range.

We found the perfect place. No habitation, no people.

'That's wonderful, sir''

'I'll release an announcement to the press and radio stations.'

Here, Skipper. Here's the pole you wanted.

Thanks a lot, Gilligan.

"X" marks the spot. This is where it will go up.

- Oh. - Ow!

Not that. The play room.

Yeah. It's a good idea, Skipper.

If we're gonna be stuck here we might as well have fun.

Certainly, that's why I suggested we build a play room.

A nice big one. May as well make the island nice.

Can we have a dance?

Well, that's not too good a suggestion.

We're only three women and four men. It might cause trouble.

No, that's okay nowadays, Skipper.

They don't dance in couples, they just choose up sides.

[laughs]

Very good.

Well, now you start sawing the poles

and I wanna listen to the noon day news.

Oh, uh, do you know who has the radio?

Uh, oh, yeah, Professor has it.

- Thank you. - Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- No, Mary Ann has it. - Ah.

No, no, wait.

Ginger, she has it.

No, no. The Howells, they have it.

Gilligan, do you know who has the radio?

No.

Of course not. Saw.

[dramatic music]

You sent for me, sir?

Did you released the information on Operation Powderkeg?

Yes, sir, the press have been notified

and all radio stations in the South Sea area.

Good, judging from this latest report

projected power of this new warhead is fantastic.

Everything within a radius of a hundred miles

will be totally destroyed.

Hi, folks. Have you seen the radio?

I haven't seen it. Maybe the girls have it.

Skipper, it's very fascinating.

Professor is making a mirror for Mrs. Howell.

Maybe he'll make one for you too.

Thanks, I'd rather have the radio not a mirror.

I'm more interested in good news than bad news.

[laughs]

(man on radio) 'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'And now you can rest.'

[sighs]

(Skipper) And now, ladies, the next exercise is a real tough one.

Deep knee bends.

Ready?

One.

Wonder why he has us down here so long?

I don't know.

If we'd been doing these exercises all along

we'd be in good shape.

I don't see how you exercise in that dress. It's so tight.

I'm surprised it doesn't cut off circulation.

Honey, in Hollywood

the tighter the dress, the more the girl circulates.

Then, what are you ladies doing down there?

- Oh, Skipper. - What's going on?

- You turned it off! - Oh, Skipper.

I was just having a little fun.

- That wasn't very nice. - It certainly wasn't.

(man on radio) 'That was a special news bulletin from Radio Honolulu..'

[radio static]

What's the matter with the radio?

- I don't know. - Skipper?

- Radio's gone dead. - Dead?

Oh, dear.

Can you tell what's wrong, Professor?

Well, nothing seems to be broken.

I'd say it was the batteries.

Oh, well, without the batteries it may as well be broken.

I'm afraid you're right.

There goes our only contact with civilization.

This is the final authorization for Operation Powderkeg.

Have you been in touch with Vandenberg?

Yes, sir, they can get the warhead installed

the missile ready by tomorrow. Just need your approval.

- Permission granted. - Thank you, sir.

[dramatic music]

[whizzing]

Oh, this is dreadful.

Without the radio how will I keep up with the fashion?

I won't know what's happening in Hollywood.

- Who's getting married to who? - Whom.

Now, that's women for you.

One worrying about what the other women are wearing.

The other one worrying about whom they're wearing.

- Who. - Yeah, yeah.

Darling, you're only interested in the stock market.

We women have more important interests.

Oh, that's right.

I'll never learn what happened to the young Dr. Malone.

After he cured Mrs. Tellingham's baby of measles

'he barely got to the hospital'

in time to set Peter Pitman's broken arm.

What he didn't realized was Peter Pitman was dating

his very own girlfriend.

While they were driving in a convertible

they swerved to avoid hitting a car driven by widow Watson

who was a dear friend of Dr. Malone's father

who was shopping for Annabel Hawks.

Well--

Good heavens. That's enough to drain anyone's battery.

Well, it's the batteries alright.

'Cause everything else is in perfect working order.

No, the company that makes those batteries

is a disgrace to the American free enterprise system.

I mean really, I've got dozens of companies.

'We make hundreds of products like that.'

And you've got to maintain production standards.

But, Thurston--

There is no excuse for shoddy workmanship.

Not with testing facilities the way they are today.

You market something, you've got to make it with meticulous care

to last and to last and to last.

But, Thurston, these batteries were made

by the Thurston Howell Battery Company.

Well, you can't expect them to last forever, can you?

I'd go out of business. Lovey, really!

I've got an extra set of batteries for the radio.

He's got an extra set of batteries.

That's great!

- Had them all along. - He had them all along.

- Forgot about them. - He forgot about them.

Feel like an absolute idiot.

He feels like, he had them all the time.

- All set. - Can I turn it on, Skipper?

- Please? - Yes, as soon as he gets..

- Yes, go ahead. Turn it on. - Turn it on, Gilligan.

Ah, it's on. It's on.

Gilligan, what did you do?

Didn't do anything. Just turned it on.

It's not his fault, Skipper. These batteries are dead too.

But I never used them.

Batteries can lose power just sitting on a shelf.

Hey. Wait a minute, Skipper, we're in luck.

Yeah, bad luck.

No, these batteries are rechargeable.

Professor, how can we recharge batteries here on the island?

Don't even have a credit card.

Seawater. I used to do this experiment in science class.

We use seawater instead of battery acid to revitalize

old dry cell batteries and produce electricity.

Seawater? Well, what are we waiting for?

We've got enough seawater to light up all lights on Broadway.

Here's what we'll do.

We need coconut shells, seawater, metal strips, pennies.

(Professor) The pennies are held in the seawater by the hairpins.

The wire coming from the pennies

leads to the positive pole of the battery.

Metal strips on the other side of the coconuts

lead to the negative pole of the battery.

Now, everybody get ready to stir their coconuts

when I get the battery hooked up.

Alright. Everybody stir.

I wonder if Thomas Edison started this way?

Looks like a crazy martini, doesn't it?

Alright, that should be enough.

Let's see if we can get anything.

[instrumental music]

- Ha, it works! - Great! Great!

(Skipper) Professor, you did it. You did it.

(man on radio) 'Ladies and gentlemen'

'we interrupt this program to bring you a news bulletin.'

'Vandenberg Air Force Base, California'

'announces that at noon tomorrow it will test a new missile'

'designated, Operation Powderkeg.'

'The warhead will be sent down the South Sea Missile Range'

'to an isolated area, approximately'

'140 degrees latitude and 10 degrees longitude.'

'More on Operation Powderkeg during our regularly scheduled'

'news cast. We return you now to our studio.'

Did he say 140 degrees latitude?

- Yes. - And ten degrees longitude?

What's the matter, Skipper?

Don't anybody panic 'cause I'm not really sure

'but we were a 100 miles east of that position'

'before we drifted for that three days.'

And with the prevailing western currents

well, that's approximately our position here.

They said down the South Sea Missile Range

to an isolated area.

That would confirm, an area away from the shipping lanes.

As far as the authorities, no one inhabited.

You mean?

[telephone ringing]

General Bryan.

Vandenberg? Put him on.

Yes, Colonel, I was just on my way to the airport.

Technical problem in the new warhead?

I see. Mm-hmm.

We'll remove the explosive and go ahead with the launch.

At least we can get a test of the new guidance system.

No. No need to announce any change in plans.

[dialing]

- Hi, Gilligan. - Hi, Mary Ann.

What are you doing?

Straightening up so it'll be nice when it's blown up.

What have you got?

A coconut cream pie for you.

- For me? - Mm-hmm.

You start thinking at a time like this.

I haven't been as nice to you as I should.

That's not true. You've been nice to me.

I haven't. Take last night for instance.

You wanted another piece of pie and I said no.

You were right, that was my eighth piece.

If you'd wanted it why shouldn't you have eight?

Because the first seven gave me a stomach ache.

We haven't got much time left between now and you know when.

When?

Oh, that when.

Thought I'd be specially nice to everybody.

I baked you two pies.

I'll bring the other one when it's ready.

Thank you.

Boy, what a way to go!

(Skipper) 'Gilligan!'

In here, Skipper.

- How about that Mary Ann? - Oh, no.

She thought she wasn't being nice enough to me

so she made me two pies.

Actually, she's been wonderful to me.

I haven't been very good to you, buddy.

- That's not true. - Yes, it is.

Don't say that to make me feel better. I know it's true.

I yell at you and bawl you out

when you're trying to do your best.

What I'm saying is, I want you to have one of my pies.

No, Skipper, she made it for you.

I insist, trying to make up for the way that I've treated you.

And I know that if she had made two pies for you

you'd give one to me.

I want you to eat every bite.

I like the way you treat me and yell at me.

Before it's late a man should look at the people around him.

And figure out what he can do to make their lives happier.

You don't know how happy you're gonna make me feel

when I see you eating this pie.

Oh, no, Skipper..

Thanks a lot, Gilligan.

[thud]

Are you sure that you want to make a new will?

Yes, I'd like to get things right

before we take a walk up that great flight of stairs

to the big bank vault in the sky.

What makes you sure we're gonna walk up and not down?

That's the reason I want a new will.

Let me see, Lovey, up until now my favorite charity has been me.

I think it's time to think of other people.

I direct in that will, that all the money

from the First National Bank be distributed to needy children.

Needy children. Oh, Thurston, that's a marvelous idea.

That means, of course, children not living in Beverly Hills.

Naturally. Now let's not forget medical science.

- We must help fight disease. - Which disease, darling?

That's quite a problem to decide which one.

So let's leave ten million dollars to each disease.

That ought to take care of all the money

in the, uh, Second National Bank.

Are there that many diseases?

By the time they find our will in that bottle

I think they'll discover some new diseases.

Now, what about the money in the Third National Bank?

We leave it to the First National Bank

and let them worry about it.

Marvelous, Lovey.

Oh, before we put that note in a bottle

let's try once more to figure out a way

to see if we can take it with us.

- Hi. - Oh, hi.

- Am I intruding? - Oh, no.

I was just thinking what a waste my life's been.

I mean, so, I was an actress, so what.

I never really did anything for anyone.

Well, you entertained people.

Oh, that was just for the moment.

I mean, really do something important.

Like being a nurse. Although I was a nurse.

For one day I was Ben Casey's nurse.

And you know something, Professor?

In that one hour, we saved six people.

And if it hadn't been for the commercials

we would have saved eight.

You're right, Ginger, that's what's important.

Saving people. I should never have become a teacher.

Should have gone on with my work in science.

You know, when I was in college

we were working on a vision problem encountered

by navy patrol fliers after they had spent

several hours scanning the ocean and..

- Wait, that's it! - What?

What a fool I've been! Why, this is great.

Skipper, Skipper. This is great. Absolutely great!

What's great, Professor? Take it easy.

Take it easy? We can't. Gotta get busy. Don't you see?

We're not in danger. This is our rescue.

- Rescue? - Why, sure.

Before the government ever sends a missile

they send a search plane to make sure the area's clear.

They send a searching party for fishing and pleasure craft.

Or hunters or natives.

Oh, Thurston, we're practically rescued.

My darling.

I told you we were gonna be rescued.

- I told you. I told you. - You did. You did.

To make sure they see us, I'll finish that mirror I was making.

Will use it to signal the plane. That should ensure our rescue.

Let's get out, Professor. That's the kind of insurance I like.

Yes! Yes!

Hurry up, Professor. That plane will be over any minute.

That does it. It's finished.

Using gum wood paint should make a good reflector.

C'mon, Skipper, give me a hand.

Oh, boy, alright, sure.

[groans]

Haven't seen myself in so long, I forgot what I looked like.

(Gilligan) Lost a lot of weight.

Let me get a better grip on it.

(Gilligan) Oops! Instant fat.

Skipper, let's see how it works in the sun.

Oh! I feel like I'm in Hollywood.

Come on, let's see what they're doing.

Sure does work.

It's not exactly ground glass, but with that strong sun

I don't see how a plane could miss it.

All we gotta do is wait for that plane.

Get to the other side of the clearing.

The view's better. Keep your eyes open.

Aye aye, sir!

There's a plane. There's a plane.

Where? Where?

- There it is! - There it is!

[all cheering]

There. Isn't that marvelous!

It's the rescue plane. Set up the mirror.

Set up the mirror.

- Set up the mirror. That's it. - Set up the mirror.

Oh, boy, this is what we've been waiting for.

Start flashing the signal. Start flashing the signal.

[all screaming]

No, Gilligan. No-o!

[crash]

[glass shatters]

Gilligan, Gilligan, are you alright?

I'm alright.

You sure you're alright, little buddy?

The plane, Professor! The plane!

Everybody, quick! Get a piece of glass.

'Signal the plane with it.'

- Here you go. - Yeah.

(Skipper) Here, Mary Ann. Signal. Signal.

Come back! I'm your biggest taxpayer.

(Thurston) 'I belong to the million mile club.'

(man on radio) 'And the countdown has already started on Operation Powderkeg''

'Five, four, three'

'two, one, zero.'

[blast]

'It's a perfect shot.'

It would be.

It should be along any second now.

Professor, how can you be so calm?

You act like you're waiting for an afternoon train or something.

I think I see it.

[whizzing]

[all screaming]

[crash]

- It didn't detonate. - And it didn't explode either.

[all cheering]

Look! Look.

It's coming up the lagoon.

It's coming right this way!

(Professor) Don't make a noise. Don't even breathe.

We're not. I don't think my heart's beating.

Thurston, you're so brave, you're not even shaking.

I can't. I think rigor mortis has set in.

A vibration could blow us up.

Our only chance is to disarm it.

How do we do that?

Someone will have to remove the access panel and crawl inside.

There's only one of us small and thin enough to fit in there.

Who?

[bang]

[beeping]

[beeping continues]

Come on, Gilligan, I've got the tools.

Maybe if we wait, they'll send a repairman?

Oh, please, Gilligan, there may be a timing device.

Here, you hold these. We'll take it very easy.

I'll remove the access panel

that'll have a chart with the color codes.

That way I'll be able to figure out

which wire you've to disconnect.

[clang]

Professor, you gotta get in there and give it one good hit.

Let me do this. Your job will come later.

Yes, sir.

Gilligan, you're gonna have to find a green and yellow wire.

That wire will disarm the missile.

A green and yellow wire, yeah.

Alright, now, carefully.

(Professor) 'Every moment counts.'

That's it.

[thud]

I found it.

- I found it. - Oh, good.

Now, you're gonna have to trace that wire

until you come to a bus bar.

A busbar?

Busbar, is a long copper rectangle

with a lot of wires attached to it.

You've gotta take that wire off the connector

and that'll disarm the missile.

- Oh. - And, Gilligan.

Yeah?

If the end of that wire touches any other connector

you'll blow us all up.

Take it easy, little buddy.

Oh, Gilligan, please be careful.

Oh, yeah, here it is.

[bang]

[screaming]

(Skipper) Gilligan, no!

[whizzing]

Fire!

- Gilligan's still in there. - He's in there, that boy!

Oh, it's coming back!

He didn't have a chance to get out.

Thurston, I think we ought to rename the house

in South Hampton, "Gilligan's acres."

I was going to have a Gilligan scholarship at Harvard.

(Skipper) 'The next boat I get, I'm gonna call her'

"The Gilligan."

When I get to Hollywood, I'll sell a story to the movies.

Oh.

Gee, it all sounds so wonderful.

I think I'll go back and drown myself.

[all cheering]

Mr. Howell?

Eh, yes, yes, Gilligan, my boy, what is it?

Remember when everybody thought they were gonna be blown up?

How nice they were to each other?

Gilligan, when people are in trouble

they make concessions and promises.

When their trouble is over they forget those fancy promises.

Would you, Mr. Howell?

A Howell go back on his word? Never!

Our family crest is honesty, fidelity, integrity.

- I thought so. - Uh, wait, what's that?

It's your will. Found it when I swam out of the missile.

I'm throwing it back in the water.

No! No, my boy! Don't!

[Thurston crying]

[splash]

* Now this is the tale of our castaways *

* They're here for a long, long time *

* They'll have to make the best of things *

* It's an uphill climb *

* The first mate and his Skipper too *

* Will do their very best *

* To make the others comfortable *

* In the tropic island nest *

* No phone, no lights no motorcars *

* Not a single luxury *

* Like Robinson Crusoe *

* It's primitive as can be *

* So join us here each week my friends *

* You're sure to get a smile *

* For seven stranded castaways *

* Here on Gilligan's isle *