Original subtitles

* JUST SIT RIGHT BACK, AND YOU'LL HEAR A TALE *

* A TALE OF A FATEFUL TRIP *

* THAT STARTED FROM THIS TROPIC PORT *

* ABOARD THIS TINY SHIP *

* THE MATE WAS A MIGHTY SAILIN' MAN *

* THE SKIPPER BRAVE AND SURE *

* 5 PASSENGERS SET SAIL THAT DAY FOR A 3-HOUR TOUR *

* A 3-HOUR TOUR *

[THUNDER]

* THE WEATHER STARTED GETTING ROUGH *

* THE TINY SHIP WAS TOSSED *

* IF NOT FOR THE COURAGE OF THE FEARLESS CREW *

* THE MINNOW WOULD BE LOST, THE MINNOW WOULD BE LOST *

* THE SHIP SET GROUND ON THE SHORE OF THIS *

* UNCHARTED DESERT ISLE *

* WITH GILLIGAN *

* THE SKIPPER, TOO *

* THE MILLIONAIRE AND HIS WIFE *

* THE MOVIE STAR *

* AND THE REST *

* ARE HERE ON GILLIGAN'S ISLE *

HELLO, HELLO. TESTING, 1,2,3,4. CAN YOU HEAR ME?

YES, GILLIGAN. I CAN HEAR YOU FINE. CAN YOU HEAR ME?

YEAH, I CAN HEAR YOU.

UH, YEAH, I CAN HEAR YOU. CAN YOU HEAR ME?

YES, GILLIGAN, I CAN HEAR YOU FINE. CAN YOU HEAR ME?

YEAH, I CAN HEAR YOU.

THAT PROFESSOR SURE IS SMART TO INVENT THIS TELEPHONE SYSTEM.

THAT'S RIGHT, GILLIGAN,

AND HE'S GOING TO STRING WIRES ALL OVER.

THAT WAY WE CAN TALK ANY PLACE ON THE ISLAND.

GILLIGAN! SKIPPER! HAVE YOU SEEN GINGER?

SHE'S BEEN GONE ALL MORNING.

WELL, NO I HAVEN'T. SHE WASN'T AT BREAKFAST.

OH, I'M AWFULLY WORRIED ABOUT HER.

SHE'S BEEN ACTING SO FUNNY LATELY.

YOU MEAN FUNNY FUNNY OR FUNNY STRANGE?

FUNNY STRANGE.

WELL, IF SHE'S MISSING,

WE OUGHT TO ORGANIZE A SEARCHING PARTY.

OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

WELL, COME ON, GILLIGAN. SHE'S PROBABLY AT THE OTHER END

OF THE ISLAND. HEY, WAIT.

IF SHE'S ON THE OTHER END OF THE ISLAND

WHY DON'T WE JUST CALL HER?

HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!

THE PROFESSOR HASN'T STRUNG THOSE WIRES YET.

OH, YEAH.

CANCEL THAT LAST CALL.

COME ON, GILLIGAN.

Skipper: GINGER!

GINGER!

Gilligan: GINGER!

GINGER!

GINGER!

OH, WE'LL NEVER FIND HER THIS WAY.

WE'VE GOT TO SPLIT UP.

SPLIT UP? OH, SKIPPER, WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER TOO LONG.

YOU'RE LIKE A FATHER TO ME.

GILLIGAN-- I REMEMBER ONCE--

GILLIGAN, WHAT I MEAN IS WE'LL HAVE TO SEPARATE.

THAT WAY WE CAN COVER MORE TERRITORY.

OH.

NOW, I'LL GO OVER HERE, AND YOU GO OUT OVER THERE.

RIGHT, SKIPPER.

OH, GILLIGAN! I SAID OUT THERE!

GINGER!

GINGER!

HEY, GINGER!

Skipper: GINGER!

SHE'S NOT OVER HERE.

SHE'S NOT OVER HERE.

SHE'S NOT OVER HERE. AWK!

[SQUAWKS]

GINGER!

[GINGER SOBBING]

OH, THERE YOU ARE!

WE'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

THAT MUST BE A PRETTY SAD STORY

TO MAKE YOU CRY LIKE THAT.

OH, GILLIGAN.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY OPENING NIGHT.

I WAS GOING TO MAKE MY DEBUT.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO STAR IN THIS PLAY.

I WAS IN A PLAY ONCE IN SCHOOL.

IT WAS CALLED OUR FRIENDS IN THE FOREST.

I PLAYED A SQUIRREL, OH, PLEASE!

AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS GATHER NUTS

WHILE THE REST OF THE ANIMALS SAT AROUND AND DID NOTHING.

I GATHERED NUTS AND NUTS, AND BY THE TIME WINTER CAME

I HAD PLENTY TO EAT, BUT--

I KNOW. ALL THE OTHER ANIMALS WENT HUNGRY.

YOU SAW THE PLAY.

OH, GILLIGAN.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THIS PLAY WAS ESPECIALLY WRITTEN FOR ME.

WHY, I WOULD HAVE BEEN FAMOUS OVERNIGHT

IF I GOT TO DO IT.

ALL BROADWAY WOULD HAVE BEEN AT MY FEET.

GEE.

WHY, A NEW STAR WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN.

MY NAME WOULD HAVE BEEN ASSURED AMONG THE GREATS.

PRODUCERS WOULD BE CLAMORING FOR ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT, GINGER?

WHAT?

YOU OUGHTA BE ON THE STAGE.

OH, GILLIGAN! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL!

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO DO MUCH GOOD

TO TAKE THIS TO GINGER, SKIPPER.

WELL, YOU TELL HER SHE'S GOT TO EAT THAT.

SHE'S GOT HAVE HER STRENGTH KEPT UP.

OH, I'LL TRY.

POOR GIRL. WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO FOR HER.

WHY DON'T YOU HELP HER CARRY THE TRAY?

OH, NOT HER, GILLIGAN. FOR GINGER. OH.

SHE'S STILL PRETTY BROKEN UP.

I DON'T BLAME HER. I WAS JUST READING THE PLAY.

IT'S PRETTY GOOD. LOTS OF ACTION IN IT.

LISTEN TO THIS...

QUIET! NOT ANOTHER WORD!

I WILL TAKE THIS SWORD

AND SPLIT YOUR SKULL.

I WILL THROW OFF THESE CHAINS.

I REFUSE TO BE YOUR SLAVE.

I WILL NO LONGER TOIL

FOR A THANKLESS TYRANT,

WHO WILL NEVER ALLOW--

HERE, HERE, HERE! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? A MUTINY?

DON'T WORRY, MR. HOWELL--

DON'T YOU TALK TO ME, YOU SCURVY MUTINEER!

CAPTAIN, THROW THIS MAN IN IRONS!

OH, RELAX, MR. HOWELL. THIS IS NOT A MUTINY.

HE'S JUST READING SOME LINES FROM A PLAY.

UH, A PLAY?

YES. READING SOME LINES--

WELL, IF THERE'S ONE THING I CAN'T STAND

IS A MUTINY BEFORE LUNCH.

SEE, MR. HOWELL. IT'S A SCRIPT.

OH, A SCRIPT. OH, YES.

TITLE, A PYRAMID FOR TWO

BIG SET, SMALL CAST.

IT'S GINGER'S PLAY.

SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN ON BROADWAY LAST NIGHT.

OH, WELL, I'D LIKE TO READ IT.

I BACKED A FEW SHOWS IN MY TIME.

MUSICALS, YOU KNOW. DANCING GIRLS.

IT'S THE ONLY BUSINESS WHERE YOU CAN BE A DEVIL

WHEN YOU'RE AN ANGEL.

YOU GET IT? NO.

WELL, A BACKER IS CALLED AN ANGEL--NEVER MIND.

MR. HOWELL, MAYBE YOU COULD BACK THIS PLAY.

ME?

SURE, MR. HOWELL. WE CAN TRY IT OUT HERE

AND IF IT'S GOOD, WE CAN TAKE IT TO BROADWAY.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW...

WHY DON'T YOU DO IT, MR. HOWELL?

IT WOULD BE A LOT OF PRESTIGE.

I'VE GOT PRESTIGE.

AND IF IT'S A HIT, YOU MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS.

I'VE GOT A MILLION DOLLARS.

IF IT'S A FLOP, YOU CAN DEDUCT IT FROM YOUR INCOME TAX.

NOW YOU'RE TALKING!

OH, GINGER, YOU'VE GOT TO EAT SOMETHING.

OH, COME ON, HONEY. SNAP OUT OF IT.

THANKS, MARY ANN. I'LL BE ALRIGHT.

OH, HERE.

YOU'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED THIS. WEAR IT A LITTLE WHILE.

MAYBE IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

Gilligan: GINGER! HEY, GINGER!

GILLIGAN! SHE'S IN HERE.

HEY, GINGER. GINGER, GUESS WHAT?

MR. HOWELL'S GOING TO PUT THE PLAY ON.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL! WHAT?

WHAT'S WONDERFUL ABOUT IT?

SO WHAT, IF HE PUTS MY PLAY ON HERE.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WE'LL PUT IT ON HERE FIRST, AND IF IT'S REAL GOOD,

MR. HOWELL WILL TAKE IT TO BROADWAY.

MEANWHILE, THE ISLAND'S... THE ISLAND'S KIND OF LIKE OFF-BROADWAY.

OH! OH, THAT'S GREAT!

OH, MR. HOWELL HAS ALL KINDS OF INFLUENCE.

IF ANYONE CAN MAKE YOU A STAR, HE CAN.

OH, GILLIGAN, YOU'VE MADE ME SO HAPPY.

YOU'RE WONDERFUL! YOU'RE JUST MARVELOUS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE YOU, YOU'RE SO GREAT.

[BONK]

LET'S SEE NOW. WHOM CAN I GET

TO PLAY THE LEADING MAN IN THIS PLAY?

WELL, WHAT'S HE LIKE, DEAR?

WELL, THE PART CALLS FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS A MAGNIFICENT PHYSIQUE

RAVISHINGLY HANDSOME, MARVELOUS DICTION.

I KNOW WHO WOULD BE PERFECT

BUT I'LL BE TOO BUSY DIRECTING THE PLAY.

ALRIGHT. BACK TO BUSINESS.

NOW, LET'S FINISH TYPING THE PARTS.

WELL, I'M READY, DEAR.

MARC ANTONY BRINGS YOU NEWS FROM ROME.

THE BATTLE GOES WELL,

AND THE ARMIES MOVE ONWARD, EVER ONWARD.

HAVE YOU GOT THAT, MY DEAR?

M-A-R...

C! MARC! THERE!

UH, WHAT DID YOU SAY AFTER THAT, DEAR?

I SEE THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG REWRITE.

WELL, I'VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE

AND THIS TYPEWRITER'S VERY CONFUSING.

THEY HAVE THE ABCs ALL MIXED UP.

MR. HOWELL! MR. HOWELL!

OH, GILLIGAN TOLD ME YOU'RE GOING TO PRODUCE MY PLAY.

OH, YOU'VE MADE ME THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD.

COME, MY DEAR. LET'S NOT LOSE OUR HEADS.

I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU, MR. HOWELL

I'LL SEE YOU AT REHEARSAL, HUH?

TA TA, MY DEAR. SEE YOU AT THE THEATER.

EMOTIONAL LITTLE CREATURE, ISN'T SHE?

YES.

AND IF I WERE YOU, I'D WIPE HER GRATITUDE OFF MY FACE.

OH! YES, YES. OF COURSE.

NOW, WHERE WERE WE, MY DEAR?

MARC.

A SHIP! LOOK, IN THE HARBOR. I SEE A SHIP.

A SHIP, A SHIP! WE'RE SAVED!

WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT?

PLEASE, GILLIGAN. I'M PRACTICING MY LINES.

YOUR ACTING SURE IS CONVINCING.

I THOUGHT THERE WAS A SHIP IN THE HARBOR.

OH, GILLIGAN. I GOTTA CHANGE MY COSTUME.

OH.

GEE, PROFESSOR. YOU'RE DOING A REAL NEAT JOB.

THANKS, GILLIGAN.

YOU KNOW, THESE JUNGLE BERRIES MIXED WITH WATER MAKE EXCELLENT PAINT.

MMM. AND IN CASE THE PLAY'S A FLOP,

WE ALWAYS CAN EAT THE SCENERY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FIXING THAT DOOR.

I ALREADY FINISHED IT. LOOK HERE.

SEE? IT WORKS JUST FINE. SEE?

OH, NO, GILLIGAN, THAT'S WRONG.

THE DOOR SHOULD OPEN IN, NOT OUT.

WHY? IT WORKS FINE. WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT HAVING OPEN OUT?

[SKIPPER MOANS]

SORRY, SKIPPER. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THERE--

GILLIGAN, HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO ALWAYS DO SOMETHING--

NEVER MIND, GILLIGAN!

SKIPPER, SKIPPER...

ARE YOU MAD?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, YES!

SKIPPER, OH, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I WANT YOU TO TRY ON THIS TOGA THAT I MADE FOR YOU.

SEE IF IT'S BIG ENOUGH.

PUT YOUR HEAD THROUGH THERE.

WHERE DO I PUT THE REST OF IT, MARY ANN?

THERE! OH, WAIT.

ALRIGHT, CAST. REHEARSAL TIME. PLACES, EVERYONE.

MARC ANTONY, CAESAR, JULIUS, MARC...

Professor: HERE WE ARE, MR. HOWELL.

OH, OH, FINE.

HOW DO I LOOK, MR. HOWELL?

WELL, I KNOW IN THE PLAY

THAT CLEOPATRA'S SUPPOSED TO BE CRAZY ABOUT YOU,

BUT YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY MY TYPE.

BY THE WAY, WHERE IS THE QUEEN OF THE NILE?

HERE I AM.

HOW DO I LOOK?

OH, YOU LOOK RAVISHING.

I MUST SAY, YOU LOOK RAVISHING.

I ENVY THAT SNAKE, MY DEAR. THANK YOU.

WELL, SHALL WE GET ON WITH IT?

ALRIGHT, EVERYONE. CLEAR THE STAGE, CLEAR THE STAGE.

NOW, IN THIS ONE, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR LOVER FOR AGES, YOU UNDERSTAND?

YOU'RE YEARNING FOR HIM. YOU'RE PINING FOR HIM.

YOU'RE OVER THERE BY THE WINDOW WHEN YOU SEE THE SHIP.

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. PLACES. LET'S GO.

LOOK! I SEE A SHIP... IN THE HARBOR.

I SEE A SHIP!

A SHIP! A SHIP! WHERE? WE'RE SAVED!

WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT?

GILLIGAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, IT'S JUST THE PLAY.

YES, YES. WOULD YOU MIND CLEARING THE STAGE--

GET OFF THERE! WHERE WERE WE... OH, YES, YES.

YOU'RE OVER THERE BY THE WINDOW

AND THE MAID BRINGS IN THE NECTAR.

IS THE MAID THERE?

Lovey: YES, I'M READY.

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. PLACES.

TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

A SHIP! LOOK! IN THE HARBOR, I SEE A SHIP.

WHAT IS THIS?! HURRY, DEAR!

I BRING YOU--

OH, GO GET IT!

DON'T YELL AT ME.

I BRING YOU--

I BRING YOU NECTAR, MY QUEEN.

LOVEY, MY DEAR, YOU MUSTN'T CROSS

IN FRONT OF A BIG STAR.

OH?

TRY IT AGAIN.

I BRING YOU NECTAR, MY QUEEN.

THANK YOU! NO, GINGER.

GINGER, YOU MUSTN'T SAY THANK YOU.

SEE, TH-THAT'S A SERVANT.

THAT'S A NON-ENTITY, A VERY LOWLY PERSON, YOU UNDERSTAND?

AND INCIDENTALLY, YOU LOOK EVERY INCH A QUEEN.

PROUD AND BEAUTIFUL,

ACCUSTOMED TO THE ADORATION OF THE WORLD.

THURSTON?

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

THURSTON!

OH, YES! YES, YES, WHAT IS IT, DEAR?

I'D LIKE A WORD WITH YOU ALONE.

OH, YES. YES, OF COURSE.

MAINTAIN THAT MOOD. YES.

YES, MY DEAR, WHAT IS IT?

THURSTON, DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY WE GOT MARRIED?

INDEED, I DO.

THAT WAS THE DAY CONSOLIDATED GENERAL JUMPED 17 POINTS.

DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?

OF COURSE, I DO, DARLING. I ADORE YOU.

YOU'RE...YOU'RE MRS. THURSTON HOWELL III.

WELL, DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU

THAT MRS. THURSTON HOWELL III

SHOULD HAVE SUCH A TEENSY WEENSY PART

IN HER HUSBAND'S PLAY?

I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY.

A HOWELL PLAYING A MAID.

WELL, IT ISN'T EXACTLY TYPECASTING, IS IT?

BUT THE ONLY PARTS LEFT ARE, LET'S SEE...

THE, UH, HIGH PRIESTESS?

SLAVE GIRL?

LADY IN WAITING?

WELL, THE ONLY PART LEFT IS CLEOPATRA.

ALRIGHT. ON STAGE, EVERYONE.

EVERYONE ON STAGE. THAT'S IT. ON THE DOUBLE.

NOW, I HAVE A ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

I'VE DECIDED ON A SLIGHT CAST CHANGE.

MRS. HOWELL WILL PLAY THE PART OF CLEOPATRA,

AND GINGER WILL PLAY THE PART OF THE MAID.

[SOBS]

BUT, MR. HOWELL, GINGER HAD HER HEART SET

ON PLAYING THAT PART.

THAT'S SHOWBIZ.

A SHIP! LOOK IN THE HARBOR.

I SEE A SHIP.

A SHIP? A SHIP?

OH, WE'RE SAVED! WHERE-- GILLIGAN!

OH. STILL THE PLAY, HUH?

GILLIGAN, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

WILL YOU GET BACKSTAGE?

EXCUSE ME, MR. HOWELL.

I'LL JUST GO FIX THE SCENE.

REALLY. ALRIGHT, LOVEY, MY DEAR.

TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

A SHIP. LOOK IN THE HARBOR.

I SEE A SHIP!

THAT'S THE CUE FOR THE MAID

TO ENTER WITH THE NECTAR. WHERE IS THE MAID?

GINGER, GINGER, WHERE'S GINGER?

I'M SORRY, MR. HOWELL, BUT I'M AFRAID

CLEOPATRA'LL HAVE TO GO ON THE WAGON.

GINGER REFUSES TO PLAY THE PART OF THE MAID.

OH, DEAR. IT'S SO HARD TO KEEP HELP THESE DAYS.

PRETTY HARD, MR. HOWELL.

SHE WENT BACK TO HER HUT.

I THINK SHE WAS CRYING.

OH, TEMPERAMENT!

I TELL YOU, ALL YOU ACTRESSES

ARE LITTLE CHILDREN IN A TANTRUM WORLD!

AH, YOU'RE ALL AGAINST ME!

I CAN'T PUT ON A SHOW WITH THIS TEMPERAMENT!

DO YOU HEAR ME?

IF THERE'S ONE THING I CAN'T STAND

IT'S TEMPERAMENT! TEMPERAMENT!

[CRYING]

DON'T CRY, GINGER. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

BUT IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

I WAS GONNA BE DISCOVERED.

I WAS GONNA OPEN ON BROADWAY.

I WAS GONNA BE A STAR!

NOW LOOK AT ME!

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD.

OH, GILLIGAN, STOP THAT.

THAT'S NO WAY TO CHEER HER UP.

OH, YEAH, I WAS SUPPOSED TO CHEER HER UP.

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, GINGER.

MAYBE WE'LL NEVER BE RESCUED

AND MAYBE WE'LL BE MAROONED ON THIS ISLAND FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

THEN THERE'LL BE NO BROADWAY, NO PLAY, NO NOTHING. HA HA.

I MAY DO SOMETHING DESPERATE.

OH, GILLIGAN, OUT! HUH?

OUT! OUT!

YOU TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

I CERTAINLY AM. OUT, GILLIGAN!

OH, MY FAIR QUEEN, COME AWAY WITH ME AND SHARE MY--

SKIPPER? JUST A MINUTE, GILLIGAN.

BUT, SKIPPER, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

IT'S ABOUT GINGER. REMEMBER WE--

GILLIGAN, PLEASE.

CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M REHEARSING MY LINES?

OH.

OH, MY FAIR QUEEN

COME AWAY WITH ME AND SHARE MY LOT.

OUR LOVE WILL--

OUR LOVE--

OUR LOVE WILL LAST ALL THROUGH ET--

ETERNITY.

ETERNITY?

ETERNITY!

THINK WE CAN TALK NOW, SKIPPER, HUH? NOW CAN WE TALK?

WELL, YOU'RE A FINE PAL.

I MEAN, WHAT'D YOU THINK OF MY ACTING?

YOUR ACTING? THAT LAST SPEECH I MADE.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT?

I DON'T KNOW. I WASN'T LISTENING.

WELL, LISTEN THIS TIME. I'LL DO IT OVER AGAIN.

I WANT YOUR OPINION.

BUT, SKIPPER, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

GILLIGAN, WILL YOU STOP AND LISTEN?

OH, MY FAIR QUEEN--

THAT WAS JUST GREAT, SKIPPER. JUST GREAT!

GILLIGAN, I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID IT.

YEAH, BUT NOW CAN WE TALK?

WILL YOU GO AWAY AND LET ME ALONE

AND DO MY REHEARSING BY MYSELF?

[SIGHS]

OH, MY FAIR GILLIGAN--

OH, MY--

OH, MY FAIR--

MY HEART, IT BEATS SO.

I CAN SCARCE HEAR MY LOVER'S APPROACH.

THAT IS VERY GOOD. VERY GOOD, LOVEY.

NOW REMEMBER, CLEOPATRA IS A WOMAN OF PASSION

AND SHE IS WAITING FOR HER LOVER MARC ANTONY

TO RETURN FROM ROME. GOT THAT?

I THINK SO.

YOUR EYES ARE GLOWING.

YOUR TEMPLES ARE POUNDING.

YOUR HEART IS BEATING FAST.

YOUR ANXIETY IS SUCH THAT YOU CAN HARDLY BREATHE.

JUST PRETEND THAT YOU'VE EATEN A HUNGARIAN DINNER.

OH, YES!

VERY GOOD. I KNEW YOU'D GET IT.

ARE--ARE YOU READY, MARC ANTONY?

I'M READY, MR. HOWELL.

JUST GIVE ME MY CUE.

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

CURTAIN. LIGHTS.

YOU'RE ON, MY DEAR.

MY HEART BEATS SO.

I CAN SCARCE HEAR MY LOVER'S APPROACH.

SKIPPER, CAN I TALK TO YOU?

NOT NOW, GILLIGAN. I'M WAITING FOR MY CUE.

MY HEART, IT BEATS SO.

I CAN SCARCE HEAR MY LOVER'S APPROACH.

THAT'S MY CUE. PLEASE, SKIPPER.

WELL, MARC ANTONY, SAY SOMETHING.

I FORGOT MY LINE, MR. HOWELL.

"O GRACIOUS QUEEN,

GREET THY HAPPY SAILOR." TRIPPINGLY.

I--I-- I GOT IT NOW.

I GOT IT.

NOW, SKIPPER? NOW?

NOT NOW, GILLIGAN.

BUT YOU PROMISED.

MY HEART, IT BEATS SO.

I CAN SCARCE HEAR MY LOVER'S APPROACH.

O GRACIOUS GREET,

QUEEN THY HAPPY SAILOR.

IN THE NAME OF RICHARD BURTON

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M SORRY, MR. HOWELL, BUT IT'S GILLIGAN.

HE'S PESTERING ME.

NEVER MIND THAT. WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.

DO IT AGAIN, WILL YOU PLEASE?

ALRIGHT, SIR.

NOW, SKIPPER? NOW, HUH?

NOT NOW, GILLIGAN! FOR GOODNESS SAKES

HELP WITH THE SCENERY OR THE PROPS

OR DO SOMETHING!

MY HEART, IT BEATS SO.

I CAN SCARCE HEAR MY LOVER'S APPROACH.

O GRACIOUS SAILOR, QUEEN THY HAPPY GREET!

Skipper: PLEASE, MR. HOWELL, JUST ONCE MORE?

JUST ONCE MORE. ALRIGHT.

REALLY, DARLING. HOW CAN I PERFORM

WHEN THE OTHER ACTORS CAN'T REMEMBER THEIR LINES?

NEVER MIND, LOVEY. CALM DOWN.

HE'S A SLOW STUDY.

Mrs. Howell: I CAN SCARCE HEAR MY--

Mr. Howell: GILLIGAN!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT LADDER?

THE PROFESSOR HAS TO PAINT THE SCENERY.

WELL, NOT NOW. WE'RE REHEARSING!

OKAY. I'LL TAKE IT BACKSTAGE.

I CAN SCARCE HEAR MY LOVER'S APPROACH.

AAAH!

OH, THAT LAST REHEARSAL, MY DEAR, WAS SIMPLY MARVELOUS.

WITH MY DIRECTING AND MY PRODUCING

THIS PLAY COULD BE A BIG BROADWAY HIT.

THURSTON, YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD ABOUT MY PERFORMANCE.

NO, I HAVEN'T, HAVE I?

WELL, IT'S AN OVERSIGHT ON MY PART.

EH, MAY I SAY, MY DEAR, THAT YOU ARE SIMPLY SPLENDID.

OH, THANK YOU, THURSTON.

EVEN GINGER, WHOM I REPLACED IN THE PART

PAID ME A COMPLIMENT.

SHE COMPARED ME TO A FAMOUS TELEVISION PERSONALITY.

OH, GOOD.

BY THE WAY, WHO IS MR. ED?

I HAVEN'T ANY IDEA.

I WONDER WHY SHE DIDN'T COMPARE YOU TO MRS. ED.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.

OPENING NIGHT. LOT OF DETAILS TO ATTEND TO, MY DEAR.

SEE YOU LATER. MM.

HELLO, GILLIGAN, MY BOY.

HI, MR. HOWELL. CAN I TALK TO MRS. HOWELL?

THERE SHE IS-- CLEOPATRA.

SEE YOU LATER.

HI, MRS. HOWELL.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET MAD AT ME FOR WHAT I'M GONNA SAY.

IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR ACTING.

I THINK THAT'S REAL GOOD.

MAYBE EVEN BETTER THAN MR. ED'S.

BUT YOU SEE, THE REASON WE PUT THIS PLAY ON IN THE FIRST PLACE

WAS BECAUSE GINGER WAS FEELING SO TERRIBLE ABOUT BROADWAY

AND YOU'RE A VERY IMPORTANT WOMAN, MRS. HOWELL.

YOU GOT EVERYTHING YOU WANT

BUT THIS PLAY IS THE ONLY THING GINGER'S GOT.

AND, UH, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GETTING MAD AT ME.

SEE, GINGER'S GETTING REAL DESPERATE

AND I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE IF YOU'D, UH...

I GUESS YOU'RE GETTING MAD AT ME.

YOU HAVEN'T SAID A SINGLE WORD.

WHAT?

WHAT'S THE MATTER, MRS. HOWELL?

MR. HOWELL? MR. HOWELL?

WHAT IS IT, GILLIGAN?

SHE'S TALKING, BUT NOTHING'S COMING OUT.

LOVEY, MY DEAR, WHAT IS IT?

BY GEORGE, SHE'S GOT LARYNGITIS.

YEAH, AND SHE LOST HER VOICE, TOO.

A STAR WITH LARYNGITIS.

OH, IT'S THE SCOURGE OF EVERY PRODUCER.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, MR. HOWELL?

I'LL HAVE TO CALL OFF THE SHOW.

I'M AN ANGEL WITH MY WINGS CLIPPED.

WHY DON'T YOU USE GINGER? SHE KNOWS ALL THE LINES.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. MR. HOWELL,

I SAW A MOVIE ONCE

AND JUST BEFORE THE STAR WENT ON

SHE FELL DOWN AND BROKE BOTH HER ARMS.

OR WAS IT BOTH HER LEGS?

WELL, ANYHOW, THERE WAS A GIRL IN THE CHORUS

AND SHE KNEW ALL THE LINES AND ALL THE DANCES

AND THE PRODUCER WAS GOING OUT OF HIS MIND

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE YELLED--

GET THE UNDERSTUDY!

YOU SAW THE PICTURE, TOO.

ON THE LATE SHOW. GO, MY BOY!

LOVEY, TRY.

HERE WE GO, MY DEAR. OH, NO, SIR.

HERE'S YOUR SEAT RIGHT UP HERE, SIR.

NONSENSE! I ALWAYS SIT

SECOND ROW CENTER WITH MRS. HOWELL!

MAY I SEE YOUR TICKET, PLEASE, SIR?

YEAH, YOU'LL SEE IT--

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

GET BACKSTAGE, WILL YOU? ALRIGHT.

THE FIRST-NIGHTERS ARE HERE.

CURTAIN!

[HORN FANFARE PLAYING]

BEAUTIFUL SET!

Ginger: A SHIP. LOOK, IN THE HARBOR.

I SEE A SHIP.

YOUR NECTAR, OH, MY QUEEN.

OH, NO. NO, NO, NO.

I'M TOO EXCITED.

MY LOVER'S SHIP IS IN THE HARBOR.

OH, I MUST SEND HIM THIS MESSAGE.

SEND IN THE ROYAL MESSENGER.

NO, NO, NO.

YOU SENT FOR ME, O QUEEN?

OH, YES. YES, I DID.

I WANT YOU TO SEND THIS MESSAGE

TO MY LOVER MARC ANTONY.

BUT WAIT. NO.

YOU WILL BE RECOGNIZED.

SEND IN MY MAID. HUH?

MY MAID. SEND MY MAID IN.

YES, O QUEEN.

YOU SENT FOR ME, O QUEEN?

OH, YES. YES.

I'VE DECIDED THAT YOU MUST TAKE THIS MESSAGE

TO MY LOVER MARC ANTONY. YES, O QUEEN.

BUT WAIT! A WOMAN! YOU WILL BE SUSPECT.

SEND IN MY AGED BUT TRUSTWORTHY MAJOR-DOMO.

SEND HIM IN IMMEDIATELY.

YEAH, THAT FIGURES. LOOK, WHY DON'T I--

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME THE MESSAGE,

AND I CAN GIVE IT TO HIM.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I MUST--I MUST ENTRUST IT TO HIM WITH MY OWN HANDS.

YOUR MAID SAID YOU WANTED ME, O QUEEN?

YES, YES.

DELIVER THIS MESSAGE, BUT BE CAREFUL.

CAESAR'S SPIES ARE EVERYWHERE.

I WILL BE CAREFUL, O QUEEN.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU'RE CAUGHT?

I'LL EAT IT.

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. THIS MESSAGE

MUST NOT FALL INTO CAESAR'S HANDS.

HARK! I HEAR FOOTSTEPS.

IT'S CAESAR!

NO, NO, I WAS MISTAKEN.

IT'S NOT CAESAR.

GIVE ME BACK THE MESSAGE.

GIVE ME BACK THE MESSAGE.

TOO LATE, O QUEEN.

IT'S WONDERFUL, DEAR,

AND THE NEXT ACT IS EVEN MORE DRAMATIC.

MY HEART, IT BEATS SO.

I CAN SCARCE HEAR MY LOVER'S APPROACH.

[FOOTSTEPS]

SLAVE, OPEN THE DOOR.

SLAVE, OPEN THE DOOR.

HUNH!

O GRACIOUS QUEEN, OH!

GREET THY HAPPY SAILOR!

WASN'T SHE MAGNIFICENT, DEAR?

BRAVO, BRAVO!

BRAVO! BRA--

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I SAID BRAVO.

YOU--YOU DIDN'T HAVE LARYNGITIS AFTER ALL.

YOU WERE JUST BEING NOBLE.

I WAS JUST BEING A HOWELL.

BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!

SIMPLY MARVELOUS!

OOH! OW!

GILLIGAN!

GILLIGAN, LITTLE BUDDY!

UUUHH!

COME ON, SKIPPER. HERE.

I'M SORRY, SKIPPER.

GILLIGAN, NEVER MIND!

NEVER MIND, GILLIGAN!

I WAS JUST HANGING UP THE WASH TO DRY.

I SAW THAT YOU WERE.

GILLIGAN, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

WELL, MR. HOWELL REALLY LIKED THE PLAY, DIDN'T HE?

HE SURE DID. HE'S GONNA PUT IT ON BROADWAY

WHEN WE GET OFF THE ISLAND.

EXACTLY. NOW, GILLIGAN

I WANT YOU TO FORGET SOMETHING.

UNDERSTAND? I WANT YOU TO FORGET

THAT I'M YOUR SKIPPER. IT'S FORGOTTEN.

AND I WANT YOU TO FORGET THAT YOU WORK FOR ME.

IT'S FORGOTTEN. AND I WANT YOU TO FORGET

THAT I'M TWICE AS BIG AS YOU ARE.

IT'S FORGOTTEN.

GILLIGAN, WHAT DID YOU THINK

OF MY MARC ANTONY, LITTLE BUDDY?

IT'S FORGOTTEN.

COME ON NOW, GILLIGAN.

WHAT DID YOU REALLY THINK?

TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE.

DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO HIM.

HE JUST SAYS WHAT HE'S TAUGHT.

UH-HUH. AND WHO'S BEEN TEACHING HIM?

GILLIGAN, GILLIGAN, GILLIGAN. AWK!

BLABBERMOUTH.

* THEY'RE HERE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME *

* THEY'LL HAVE TO MAKE *

* THE BEST OF THINGS *

* IT'S AN UPHILL CLIMB *

* THE FIRST MATE AND HIS SKIPPER, TOO *

* WILL DO THEIR VERY BEST *

* TO MAKE THE OTHERS COMFORTABLE *

* IN THEIR TROPIC ISLAND NEST *

* NO PHONE * * NO LIGHTS *

* NO MOTOR CARS, NOT A SINGLE LUXURY *

* LIKE ROBINSON CRUSOE *

* IT'S PRIMITIVE AS CAN BE *

* SO JOIN US HERE EACH WEEK, MY FRIENDS *

* YOU'RE SURE TO GET A SMILE *

* FROM 7 STRANDED CASTAWAYS *

* HERE ON GILLIGAN'S ISLE *