Original subtitles

* JUST SIT RIGHT BACK, AND YOU'LL HEAR A TALE *

* A TALE OF A FATEFUL TRIP *

* THAT STARTED FROM THIS TROPIC PORT *

* ABOARD THIS TINY SHIP *

* THE MATE WAS A MIGHTY SAILIN' MAN *

* THE SKIPPER BRAVE AND SURE *

* 5 PASSENGERS SET SAIL THAT DAY FOR A 3-HOUR TOUR *

* A 3-HOUR TOUR *

[THUNDER]

* THE WEATHER STARTED GETTING ROUGH *

* THE TINY SHIP WAS TOSSED *

* IF NOT FOR THE COURAGE OF THE FEARLESS CREW *

* THE MINNOW WOULD BE LOST, THE MINNOW WOULD BE LOST *

* THE SHIP SET GROUND ON THE SHORE OF THIS *

* UNCHARTED DESERT ISLE *

* WITH GILLIGAN *

* THE SKIPPER, TOO *

* THE MILLIONAIRE AND HIS WIFE *

* THE MOVIE STAR *

* AND THE REST *

* ARE HERE ON GILLIGAN'S ISLE *

SKIPPER, WHY DON'T WE GET GILLIGAN TO HELP US WITH THIS WELL?

GILLIGAN HELP? PROFESSOR, YOU'VE BEEN OUT IN THE SUN TOO LONG.

ALL HE'D HAVE TO DO IS DIG.

HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG IF HE'S JUST DIGGING.

YEAH? HA HA HA!

WELL, ALRIGHT. LET'S FIND OUT.

GILLIGAN!

NOW, UH, NOTHING PRETENTIOUS, GILLIGAN. YOU UNDERSTAND?

A SIMPLE, FLOWING, 15-ROOM MANSION, RIGHT, LOVEY?

I MEAN, 4 BATHS, YOU UNDERSTAND?

AND WE'LL HAVE THE-- THE SERVANTS' QUARTERS WILL BE OVER THERE.

GILLIGAN! THAT'S THE SKIPPER. I GOTTA RUN.

NO, YOU'LL DO NOTHING OF THE SORT.

YOU SEE, WE'RE PLANNING THE HOWELL HILLS ESTATE.

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO GET INTO TROUBLE WITH THE SKIPPER, DEAR.

LOVEY, WE ARE NO LONGER ON SHIPBOARD.

YOU SEE, NOW, THIS IS EXACTLY THE WAY

I WANT THE LITTLE ESTATE BUILT.

YOU SEE-- GILLIGAN!!

I GOTTA GO. LATER.

STAND YOUR GROUND, GILLIGAN.

IF I DO, I'LL BE BURIED IN IT.

LET THE BOY GO, DEAR.

HE IS NO LONGER A BOY, LOVEY. HE IS A MAN.

Skipper: GILLIGAN! I'M A BOY.

UH, SKIPPER,

YOU'RE INTERRUPTING A BUSINESS CONFERENCE.

BESIDES, YOU'RE STANDING IN THE POWDER ROOM.

POWDER ROOM? BUSINESS CONFERENCE?

GILLIGAN, WILL YOU GET OVER THERE AND START DIGGING? AYE, AYE, SIR.

COME BACK HERE, GILLIGAN.

GET GOING, GILLIGAN.

COME BACK HERE, GILLIGAN!

GET GOING, GILLIGAN!

COME BACK HERE!

I GAVE HIM AN ORDER!

AND I GAVE HIM A JOB!

I WISH I WERE TWINS.

MAYBE WE SHOULD TOSS A COIN.

COIN?! I MEAN A BILL.

LOOK, I'M HAVING ENOUGH TROUBLE RUNNING THIS ISLAND

WITHOUT A MUTINY!

WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU'RE RUNNING THIS ISLAND?

I AM THE SKIPPER!

AT SEA YOU'RE THE SKIPPER!

ON LAND, I AM CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD!

PROFESSOR, WILL YOU TELL THESE PEOPLE

WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THIS ISLAND?

WELL, ACTUALLY, NO ONE IS.

NO ONE?! NO ONE?!

GOOD HEAVENS, THIS IS ANARCHY!

IT IS NOT! I AM IN COMMAND!

NO, I AM RUNNING THIS ISLAND!

GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE VOTE? YOU KNOW, LIKE AN ELECTION.

AN ELECTION?

AN ELECTION!

THAT'S WONDERFUL! YES!

I'LL SPEND MILLIONS ON MY CAMPAIGN.

THAT'S UNFAIR!

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT IS UNFAIR.

INSTEAD, I'LL BUY THE VOTES. LET ME SEE...

AND I KNOW THAT IT'S GOING TO BE

A GOOD, CLEAN, HARD-FOUGHT BATTLE RIGHT DOWN TO THE WIRE.

THAT'S RIGHT, PROFESSOR.

THERE'S NO ROOM FOR DIRTY POLITICS ON THIS ISLAND.

I THINK WE CAN ALWAYS MAKE A LITTLE ROOM

FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, EH, PROFESSOR?

JUST ONE THING-- LET'S GET THIS ELECTION OVER WITH

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN ALL GET BACK TO WORK ON THE WELL.

THAT'S FINE WITH ME, PROFESSOR.

I'M READY FOR THAT ELECTION ANY TIME NOW.

WAIT A MINUTE, CAPTAIN.

WHEN ARE YOU COMING OUT

OF YOUR SMOKED-FILLED HUT

AND REALLY FACE THE ISSUES, HUH?

WHAT ISSUES, MR. HOWELL?

WELL, I'M SURE YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW

WHAT MY LEARNED OPPONENT THINKS, FOR EXAMPLE, OF SLUM CLEARANCE,

OF TIDE LAND OIL DRILLING,

OF FREE SCHOOL LUNCHES!

I WOULD LIKE TO MEET HIM

IN FACE-TO-FACE DEBATE ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION,

COCONUT CONSERVATION, AND HIGH-RISE DWELLINGS.

NOW, SEE HERE-- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FACE UP TO THE ISSUES, CAPTAIN,

AND YOU BETTER GIVE THEM SOME THOUGHT.

IN THE FIRST PLACE, WHO'S GONNA ASK

A LOT OF STUPID QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?

MRS. HOWELL.

AND I BEG OF YOU, DEAR FRIENDS,

DO NOT PLACE ONE MORE BURDEN

ON THE FRAGILE SHOULDERS OF OUR DEAR GALLANT CAPTAIN,

WHO LIES SLEEPLESS IN HIS BED AT NIGHT--

UH, UH, SLEEPLESS IN HIS BED AT NIGHT, UH...

RIDDEN WITH GUILT.

THANK YOU. YES. YES.

RIDDEN WITH GUILT. UH-HUH.

RIDDEN WITH GUILT ABOUT THE SHIPWRECK, WHICH WAS HIS FAULT.

RIDDEN WITH GUILT ABOUT THE LOSS OF THE TRANSMITTER,

WHICH WAS HIS FAULT.

FILLED WITH SHAME ABOUT HIS LACK OF QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP,

WHICH WAS HIS MOTHER'S FAULT.

WHAT THIS ISLAND NEEDS IS A PRESIDENT LIKE ME--

ONE WHO IS BRAVE, TRUE, LOYAL, DEVOTED, AND FAITHFUL,

AND ABOVE ALL, MODEST.

AND I SAY TO YOU, DON'T CHANGE LEADERS IN MID-OCEAN!

ELECT ME FIRST PRESIDENT--

THE MAN WHO'S FIRST AT SEA, ON LAND,

AND FIRST FATHER OF YOUR ISLAND.

THAT WAS GREAT, SKIPPER.

YOU REALLY THINK SO, GILLIGAN?

YEAH. ONLY, CAN WE VOTE FOR GEORGE WASHINGTON?

GEORGE WASHINGTON?

ISN'T THAT WHO YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT?

NO, GILLIGAN, I WAS TALKING ABOUT ME!

WHY SHOULD PEOPLE VOTE FOR ME?

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, THINK!

UH...UH... I GOT IT.

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE SKIPPER, AND YOU'LL THREATEN THEM.

YEAH! OH, NO, THAT WON'T WORK.

WORKS WITH ME.

WELL, BUT YOU'RE DIFFERENT. I AM?

WELL, CERTAINLY. YOU'RE MY CREW. I CAN THREATEN YOU.

I'VE GOT TO WOO THE VOTERS.

YOU DON'T WOO ME. I'D RATHER BE THREATENED.

NOT YOU, GILLIGAN! THE GIRLS.

GINGER. ARE YOU HOME?

[WARMLY] HELLO, SKIPPER.

LOVELY FLOWERS FOR A LOVELY LADY.

OH, GEE, THEY'RE LOVELY.

OOH! THOSE ARE THE FLOWERS

THE PROFESSOR SAID ARE POISONOUS.

POISONOUS?

POISONOUS?!

YII! AAAHH!

SHAME ON YOU.

WELL, WHAT DID I DO?

TRIED TO BUY MY VOTE.

WELL, I DID NOTHING OF THE KIND, MARY ANN.

IT'S PERFECTLY PROPER FOR A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

TO WANT TO HIRE A SECRETARY.

AT $50,000 A YEAR?

WELL, GOOD SECRETARIES ARE HARD TO FIND.

I'M NOT EVEN A GOOD SECRETARY, MR. HOWELL.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M NOT EVEN A SECRETARY.

I'M ONLY A CLERK.

A CLERK! OH, A CLERK!

WELL, IN THAT CASE, 100,000.

UH, GROUP INSURANCE, UH, FRINGE BENEFITS.

I AM NOT GOING TO INSULT YOUR INTELLIGENCE

BY ATTEMPTING TO BRIBE YOU.

GEE, MR. HOWELL, I DON'T SEE

WHAT ONE THING HAS TO DO WITH THE OTHER.

ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT PERHAPS

YOU, UH, COULD BE BRIBED?

EVERYBODY SAYS I'VE GOT AN OPEN MIND.

GINGER, OFF THIS ISLAND,

I'M A VERY WEALTHY AND IMPORTANT MAN.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M THINKING OF BUYING HOLLYWOOD.

HOLLYWOOD?!

YES. DON'T YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO HAVE

A STAR ON YOUR DRESSING ROOM DOOR?

OH, GEE, MR. HOWELL...

I MEAN, MR. PRESIDENT...

GILLIGAN.

[WARMLY] HELLO.

WHO YOU TALKING TO?

YOU.

ME?

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HERE, AREN'T YOU?

YEAH, BUT I'M JUST ME.

I KNOW.

BUT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN SO FRIENDLY TO ME BEFORE.

THERE'S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING...

ISN'T THERE?

I MUST BE DREAMING, HUH?

PINCH YOURSELF AND SEE.

YEAH.

OW! NO, I'M HERE.

AND I JUST REMEMBERED-- I'M CAMPAIGNING. VOTE FOR THE SKIPPER.

GILLIGAN?

YEAH?

COME HERE.

HUH?

COME CLOSER, GILLIGAN.

GILLIGAN, WOULD YOU DO ME AN EXTRA SPECIAL FAVOR?

VOTE FOR HOWELL.

[THUD]

OOH.

"DON'T CHANGE SKIPPERS."

OH, GILLIGAN, GET ME THE PAINT CAN.

YES, SIR.

GILLIGAN, YOU CAN'T JUST WALK ON THE WATER!

NO, SKIPPER, I'M WALKIN' ON THIS BOARD.

SEE?

OH. WELL, THE BOARD ENDS THERE.

DON'T STEP OUT THERE.

NO, SIR.

OH, GILL--OH!

GILLIGAN, MY BOY,

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT YOURSELF?

HAVE I EVER THOUGHT WHAT ABOUT MYSELF?

WHAT--WHAT I MEAN IS, UH,

WHAT YOU WANT TO BE IN LIFE.

OH, SURE. SOMETIMES I LIE AWAKE AT NIGHT, AND I THINK

IF I TRY REAL HARD AND OBEY THE SKIPPER'S ORDERS,

MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL BE A JUNIOR PETTY OFFICER.

GILLIGAN, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE SECRETARY OF THE NAVY?

SECRETARY OF THE NAVY?

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TIE A KNOT.

YOU'RE JUST BEING MODEST.

NO, I'M NOT. LOOK.

WELL, I MEAN, WHOEVER HEARD

OF THE SECRETARY OF THE NAVY TYING HIS OWN KNOTS?

I'LL ASSIGN SOME ABLE-BODIED SEAMAN

TO PERFORM SUCH MENIAL CHORES FOR YOU.

WHERE ARE WE GONNA FIND AN ABLE-BODIED SEAMAN?

IT--HERE COMES ONE NOW.

GILLIGAN, WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HOWELL?

I'M SORRY, SKIPPER.

DON'T BE AFRAID, GILLIGAN.

IN A FEW HOURS, HE'LL BE WORKING FOR YOU.

WHAT?!

HE MEANS--

WHAT I MEAN IS, WHEN I AM PRESIDENT,

GILLIGAN IS GOING TO BE

SECRETARY OF THE NAVY.

SECRETARY OF THE NAVY?

GILLIGAN IS GOING TO BE SEC--

[LAUGHING]

WELL, WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING, GILLIGAN?

[LAUGHS]

I WAS THINKING HOW NICE IT WOULD BE

TO HAVE SOMEONE TO TIE MY SHOELACES.

ALRIGHT, FOLKS.

7 PIECES OF PAPER HAVE BEEN INITIALED BY ALL 7 OF US.

THESE ARE THE OFFICIAL BALLOTS.

NOW THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE MARKING THEM,

BECAUSE WHAT YOU WRITE ON YOUR BALLOT COUNTS.

NOW, WHO WANTS TO VOTE FIRST?

I DO.

WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST, THAT'S WHAT I STAND FOR.

SEE WHAT I MEAN?

WHO WANTS A PRESIDENT

WHO WOULD LET CHILDREN VOTE?

I'LL VOTE FIRST, PROFESSOR.

GINGER, YOU'RE NEXT.

A STAR IS BORN.

WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?

INSIDE JOKE.

GILLIGAN, I WANT YOU TO GET IN THERE AND VOTE,

BUT BEFORE YOU DO, I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT

ALL THE THINGS THAT I'VE DONE FOR YOU.

AYE, AYE, SIR.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE, GILLIGAN.

ON SECOND THOUGHT,

MAYBE YOU BETTER NOT THINK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS.

REMEMBER, ONCE YOU PULL THAT CORD,

NO MAN CAN TELL YOU HOW TO VOTE,

MR. SECRETARY.

QUIET DOWN, NOW, EVERYBODY.

THERE YOU ARE, PROFESSOR.

GILLIGAN, YOU'RE SHIVERING.

I--I'LL BE ALRIGHT IN A M-M-MINUTE.

ALRIGHT,

NOW, THE FIRST BALLOT...

IS FOR...

THE SKIPPER!

YAY!

THIS WILL KEEP YOU WARM, LITTLE BUDDY.

THE SECOND BALLOT...

IS FOR MR. HOWELL.

OH, YAY!

MR. SECRETARY, WARMSY-WARMSY.

THE THIRD BALLOT IS...

FOR THE SKIPPER!

WHO NOW LEADS 2 TO ONE.

THE FOURTH BALLOT...

IS FOR MR. HOWELL.

OH, YIPPEE!

ISN'T THAT EXCITING? NOW IT'S 2 ALL.

THE FIFTH BALLOT IS...

A WRITE-IN VOTE FOR...

GILLIGAN?

LET ME SEE THAT! LET ME SEE THAT!

WHY, THAT'S LOVEY'S HANDWRITING.

OH, YES, IT IS.

I DECIDED THAT IT WAS TIME

YOU LET SOMEBODY ELSE RUN EVERYTHING.

THEN WE COULD HAVE THAT HONEYMOON

YOU'VE BEEN PROMISING ME ALL THESE YEARS.

WHY, YOU ROMANTIC SCHEMER, YOU.

LATER. ELECTION.

THE VOTE IS TIED AT 2 AND 2.

AND ONE FOR GILLIGAN.

WELL, I HARDLY THINK IT'S NECESSARY

TO MENTION THAT, MARY ANN.

CERTAINLY, MARY ANN.

THE SIXTH BALLOT IS FOR...

GILLIGAN.

GILLIGAN IS MY MAN, TOO.

THE VOTE STILL STANDS AT 2 VOTES

FOR THE SKIPPER AND 2 FOR MR. HOWELL.

AND 2 WRITE-IN VOTES FOR GILLIGAN.

THE DECIDING VOTE...

IS MISSING.

MISSING?

OH, YEAH. I'VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, GILLIGAN?

ISN'T OUR BALLOT BOX GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

I WAS AFRAID IT MIGHT GET WET.

THAT MEANS THAT I WIN.

THAT MEANS I'M ELECTED.

I'M SORRY, GENTLEMEN.

YOU'VE BOTH LOST.

WELL, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

WELL, THEN WHO IS PRESIDENT?

GILLIGAN?

PRESIDENT GILLIGAN.

GILLIGAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS CLEANING UP THE WHITE HOUSE.

GIVE ME THAT BROOM.

IS THIS ANY SORT OF A JOB

FOR THE PRESIDENT TO BE DOING?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE NEVER BEEN A PRESIDENT BEFORE.

LOOK, SKIPPER, I DIDN'T MEAN TO WIN THE ELECTION.

HONEST, I WAS ON YOUR SIDE.

THERE'S NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.

I JUST CAME BY HERE TO OFFER MY CONGRATULATIONS.

NOW, PEOPLE HAVE MADE THEIR CHOICE,

AND WHETHER IT'S RIGHT OR WRONG, WE'RE STUCK WITH IT.

WELL, MAYBE WE OUGHT TO COUNT THE VOTES AGAIN

TO MAKE SURE I WON.

THERE'S NO NEED TO DO THAT, EITHER.

HOWELL AND I HAVE COUNTED 'EM 4 TIMES ALREADY.

WELL, I SURE FEEL AWFUL ABOUT WINNING,

ESPECIALLY WHEN I WASN'T EVEN RUNNING.

THE FACT IS YOU DID WIN, GILLIGAN,

AND THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

I CAN HARDLY CALL MYSELF A FRIEND

IF I DIDN'T GIVE YOU A WORD OF WARNING.

A WORD OF WARNING? ABOUT WHAT?

THE POWER SEEKERS.

MEN WHO'LL SEEK YOU OUT, CALL THEMSELVES FRIENDS,

THEY'LL FLATTER YOU, THEY'LL FAWN ON YOU.

THESE MEN ARE DANGEROUS.

ALL THEY WANT IS A HIGH POSITION IN YOUR GOVERNMENT.

THESE MEN ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED,

AND YOU'VE GOT TO GUARD AGAINST THEM.

GUARD AGAINST THEM? HOW?

WELL, THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.

YOU JUST LEAVE IT TO ME.

THAT'S PART OF MY JOB AS SECOND IN COMMAND.

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHO THESE MEN ARE, BUT--

HERE COMES ONE OF 'EM NOW.

I JUST STOPPED BY TO OFFER YOU

MY HEARTIEST CONGRATULATIONS

ON YOUR RATHER SHOCKING VICTORY.

YEAH, IT WAS KIND OF A SURPRISE TO ME, TOO.

YES, WELL, THE WAY I LOOK AT IT, UH,

COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.

YOU'RE FINISHED, HOWELL.

THE PRESIDENT AND I ARE BUSY

SETTING UP A NEW ADMINISTRATION.

WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHY I'M HERE.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT.

OH--OH, MR. PRESIDENT,

BEFORE I, UH, FORGET,

HERE'S A, UH, SMALL BUT TERRIBLY EXPENSIVE

LITTLE TOKEN OF MY ESTEEM.

A BOX OF ESTEEMED TOKENS. THANKS, MR. HOWELL.

NO, NO, NO.

YOU SEE, THEY'RE SOLID GOLD CUFF LINKS.

YOU--YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE YOUR WRISTS PIERCED.

MR. HOWELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU.

THAT'S WHAT HE'S JUST ABOUT TO TELL YOU, GILLIGAN.

WELL, I DON'T EXPECT THANKS.

I CAME BY TO PAY MY RESPECTS

AND TO OFFER MY HUMBLE SERVICE

TO WHATEVER HIGH OFFICE THE PRESIDENT MIGHT DESIGNATE.

HOWELL, I MUST ADMIT, I'M SURPRISED BY YOUR ATTITUDE.

THE LEADER'S WISH IS BUT MY COMMAND.

WELL, THEN HERE.

YOU CAN START BY CLEANING UP THE WHITE HOUSE.

THAT OUGHT TO BE HUMBLE ENOUGH.

JUST EXACTLY WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

I'M THE VICE PRESIDENT.

THE VICE PRESIDENT. WELL, HOW DID YOU GET THAT JOB?

BY GETTING HERE BEFORE YOU DID!

DO YOU WANT YOUR CUFF LINKS BACK?

DO YOU THINK I'M THE KIND OF MAN

WHO WOULD TAKE BACK A BRIBE, SIR?

IT'S A NICE GIFT.

I COULD GIVE YOU SOMETHING IN RETURN.

WELL, I EXPECT TO GET SOMETHING IN RETURN.

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU HAVE OPEN?

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE A GOOD KNOT?

UH, SKIPPER, WHAT KIND OF JOB CAN WE GIVE MR. HOWELL?

WELL, WE HAVE THE SECRETARY OF LABOR,

THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE,

SECRETARY OF STATE.

YEAH, YOU COULD BE ONE OF THE SECRETARIES.

YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE SHORTHAND AND TYPING?

NO. YOU SEE, MR. PRESIDENT,

I THINK WITH MY BACKGROUND,

THE IDEAL JOB FOR ME WOULD BE CHIEF JUSTICE

OF THE SUPREME COURT.

BUT THAT'S A VERY IMPORTANT POSITION.

HAVE YOU HAD ANY LEGAL EXPERIENCE?

THE GOVERNMENT HAS CONVICTED ME 6 TIMES ON ANTI-TRUST SUITS,

AND I'VE BEEN INVESTIGATED EVERY YEAR FOR INCOME TAX EVASION.

OH, WELL, THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. HOW ABOUT YOU, SKIPPER?

WELL, ANY MAN CAN STAY OUT OF JAIL WITH A RECORD LIKE THAT'S

GOT TO KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE LAW.

INDEED I DO.

NOW, THE FIRST THING ON MY AGENDA...

IS TO INVESTIGATE A PLOT TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.

WHAT PLOT TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT?

THE ONE I STARTED RIGHT AFTER THE ELECTION.

HA HA HA!

SEE YOU AT THE INAUGURAL LUAU,

MR. PRESIDENT.

IT IS MY HONOR

TO INTRODUCE TO YOU

A MAN KNOWN TO US ALL,

A MAN RESPECTED FOR HIS COURAGE,

HIS DEDICATION OF DUTY,

HIS LEADERSHIP.

A TRUE GIANT AMONG MEN.

OUR PRESIDENT, GILLIGAN!

YEAH, MR. PRESIDENT, BRAVO, BRAVO.

SPEECH, SPEECH.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND HONORED GUESTS,

I ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT YOU'VE GIVEN ME--

COME ON, EVERYBODY, EAT! PLEASE, WHILE IT'S STILL HOT.

OH, I'M SORRY, GILLIGAN.

I MEAN, MR. PRESIDENT.

THAT'S OKAY, FOLKS, UH,

YOU GO AHEAD AND FINISH DINNER.

I JUST--I JUST JOTTED DOWN

A FEW THINGS I WANTED TO SAY, AND--

IT WAS RIGHT HERE A MINUTE AGO.

MR. HOWELL, EXCUSE ME, BUT THAT NAPKIN,

I THINK IT'S MY SPEECH.

OH, YES.

FIRST OF ALL--

UH, WOULD YOU PASS ME THAT GUAVA SAUCE?

SURE, MR. HOWELL.

SHOT OF IT, PLEASE.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

NOW...

WOULD YOU PASS THIS DOWN, PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

IT'S HOT. HERE, PROFESSOR.

THANK YOU, GILLIGAN.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WELL, NOW DOWN TO THE IMPORTANT BUSINESS.

AS YOU ALL KNOW, OUR WATER SUPPLY IS GETTING SHORT

AND WE HAVE TO PITCH IN AND BUILD A WELL.

OH, I WISH WHO KNEW WHO COOKED THESE JELLIED SAND DABS.

OH, I DID, MRS. HOWELL. DO YOU LIKE THEM?

OH, THEY'RE DELICIOUS.

THURSTON, YOU MUST TRY THEM.

YOU'D BELIEVE YOU WERE AT ANTOINE'S.

OH, YES, YOU MUST TRY MY JELLIED SAND DABS.

NOW ABOUT THE JELLIED SAND--

I MEAN, ABOUT DIGGING THE WELL.

NOW LOOK, FOLKS,

IF WE ALL PITCH IN,

I FIGURE WE CAN DIG THAT WELL IN ONE DAY--

THIS IS THE BEST MEAL I'VE HAD

SINCE I'VE BEEN ON THE ISLAND.

THANK YOU, SKIPPER.

I'VE GOTTA TAKE A WALK.

[ALL TALKING]

WE HAVE TO HAVE FRESH WATER,

PLEASE, MR. AND MRS. HOWELL.

PROFESSOR, PROFESSOR,

AS SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE,

I THINK IT'S NECESSARY THAT YOU SHOULD FIND OUT

WHERE WE SHOULD DIG THE WELL.

[SHELL SOUNDS]

YOU RANG, MR. PRESIDENT?

YEAH, MRS. HOWELL.

IT'S ALMOST AFTER 4:00.

HAS ANYBODY COME TO SEE ME?

NO, THEY HAVEN'T, MR. PRESIDENT.

MAYBE SOMEBODY STOPPED BY WHILE YOU WERE AWAY FROM YOUR DESK.

I HAVEN'T LEFT THAT OIL DRUM ALL DAY, MR. PRESIDENT.

WHAT'S MY SCHEDULE FOR TOMORROW?

I'LL CHECK HERE.

WELL, THERE'S NOTHING IN THE MORNING,

BUT IN THE AFTERNOON,

YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANYTHING.

WHAT TIME IS MY CABINET MEETING?

5:00,

BUT THE VICE PRESIDENT CANCELED IT.

HE HAD A FISHING DATE

WITH THE CHIEF JUSTICE.

WHERE'S THE REST OF MY CABINET?

OH, THEY'RE ALL SWIMMING IN THE LAGOON.

ALL EXCEPT THE SECRETARY

OF HEALTH AND WELFARE.

GOOD, WHAT'S SHE DOING?

HER HAIR.

WELL, SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DIG THAT WELL.

YOU'RE RIGHT, MR. PRESIDENT.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

SKIPPER, YOU GOT A MINUTE?

SURE, GILLIGAN, COME ON IN,

UH, THAT IS, MR. PRESIDENT.

SKIPPER, I NEED YOUR HELP.

I'M WORRIED. I'M REAL WORRIED ABOUT THAT WELL.

YOU LOOK WORRIED.

I DO?

YOU SURE DO, AND FRANKLY,

I'VE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

YOU HAVE?

YES, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.

YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT THE WAY YOU LOOK,

WHICH IS TERRIBLE.

REALLY?

BUT, GILLIGAN, NEVER MIND THAT.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS HUT.

NOW, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE OFFICE OF A VICE PRESIDENT?

NO, SKIPPER, IT DOESN'T.

IT IS BENEATH OUR DIGNITY, ISN'T IT?

YES, SIR, IT IS. RIGHT.

RIGHT.

NOW CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THIS JUNK?

SURE, SKIPPER,

BUT ABOUT THE WELL.

SKIPPER?

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?

WELL, SKIPPER, OUR OLD WATER SUPPLY IS RUNNING LOW,

AND WE GOTTA DIG A NEW WELL QUICK.

THAT'S NOT TOO HEAVY FOR YOU, IS IT?

[WEAKLY] Uh, no.

JUST PUT THIS ROPE ON THERE,

AND, UH, IF YOU WOULD STEP OVER IN THE CORNER HERE,

WE'LL PUT IT RIGHT IN THAT CORNER, THAT'S IT.

THERE WE GO, GILLIGAN.

ABOUT THE WATER SITUATION, SIR.

OH, YOU'RE HAVING A PROBLEM WITH THE WATER?

YEAH, SKIPPER, SAME PROBLEM.

WAIT A MINUTE, GILLIGAN. YEAH?

I GOT AN IDEA. YEAH?

I THINK I'LL PUT MY DESK OVER HERE.

WOULD YOU BRING THIS BACK OVER AND PUT IT ON THIS WALL?

WHATEVER YOU WANT, SKIPPER,

BUT WE GOTTA MAKE A DECISION ABOUT THE WELL.

NOW, UH, MR. PRESIDENT,

HAVE YOU MADE ANY DECISIONS ABOUT THE WELL?

UH-HUH.

AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

I'M GONNA DROP THESE BOXES.

OOH!

I'M GONNA GO SEE THE CHIEF JUSTICE...

OH, GILLIGAN!

ABOUT THE WELL.

[GASPS]

I HATE TO DISTURB YOU, CHIEF JUSTICE.

OH, THAT'S ALRIGHT. NEVER TOO BUSY TO TALK

TO THE--THE PRESIDENT.

I WANT TO ASK YOU YOUR OPINION

ABOUT THAT WELL WE HAVE TO DIG.

OH, THE WELL! I'VE BEEN LYING HERE

AND GIVING THAT A LOT OF CONSIDERATION.

NOW, THE SIMILAR CASE OF FLETCHER VS. BRONSON, YOU SEE,

THE MUNICIPAL COURT UPHELD A PREVIOUS RULING AND FOUND FOR THE DEFENDANT.

AND EVEN AFTER THE CASE WAS APPEALED,

THE COURT REFUSED TO REVERSE THE DECISION

IN SPITE OF THE NEW EVIDENCE.

I'VE TAKEN ALL OF THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.

WHAT HAVE YOU DECIDED TO DO?

AND I'VE DECIDED TO GIVE IT A LITTLE MORE THOUGHT.

NIGHTY NIGHT.

HI. I HATE TO BARGE IN LIKE THIS,

BUT I FIGURE MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.

I WENT TO SEE THE VICE PRESIDENT FIRST,

BUT HE WAS SO BUSY FIXING UP HIS OFFICE THAT HE COULDN'T HELP ME.

AND I WENT TO SEE THE CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT,

BUT HE GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS, TOO.

I MEAN, IN THE CASE OF FLETCHER AND BRONSON,

THEY EVEN HAD TO APPEAL IT, AND IT GOT VERY COMPLICATED,

SO I WAS HOPING THERE WAS SOMETHING YOU COULD DO.

[PANTING]

WELL, LET ME SEE.

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING I COULD DO.

ABOUT--ABOUT THE WELL.

Gilligan: I'M GONNA MAKE THIS MEETING AS SHORT AS POSSIBLE.

I KNOW WE'VE ALL HAD A BUSY DAY.

[SLURRING] HEAR! HEAR!

UNLESS THE WELL IS FINISHED,

WE'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF DRINKING WATER.

THAT'S VERY TRUE, MR. PRESIDENT.

WE CERTAINLY DO NEED A WELL!

THAT'S EXACTLY MY THINKING, SKIPPER.

AND WE'RE BEHIND YOU ALL THE WAY, MR. PRESIDENT.

YOU'RE THE BEST PRESIDENT WE EVER ELECTED.

THANKS, GINGER.

I MEAN, EVEN IF I DON'T GET A STAR

ON MY DRESSING ROOM DOOR.

UH, WE'RE WITH YOU, SIR.

WELL, THEN HOW ABOUT HELPING ME DIG THE WELL?

WELL, I CAN'T HELP YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

I'M IN THE MIDST OF SETTLING A STRIKE.

WHAT STRIKE?

OH, THE SECRETARY OF HEALTH AND WELFARE

WON'T HELP ME IN THE KITCHEN ANYMORE.

WELL, I'M NOT ON STRIKE.

I HAVE MY OWN WORK TO DO NOW.

HOW CAN I WASH THE DISHES AND BUILD A HOSPITAL

AT THE SAME TIME?

A HOSPITAL? WHAT FOR?

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A DOCTOR!

WELL, BUT WHEN THE HOSPITAL'S FINISHED,

I'M GOING TO BUILD A MEDICAL SCHOOL.

DON'T COUNT ON ME, SIR.

I'M INVOLVED IN A VERY SERIOUS JUDICIAL MATTER.

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON NOW, MR. HOWELL?

YOUR IMPEACHMENT!

WHAT? YOU'RE TRYING TO IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT?

ON WHAT GROUNDS?

WELL, HE ACCEPTED A BRIBE FROM A POWER-MAD FAVOR SEEKER!

I NEVER GAVE HIM A DIME!

WELL, I DID!

I GAVE HIM A PAIR OF SOLID GOLD CUFF LINKS!

THAT'S A PRETTY SERIOUS CHARGE, MR. HOWELL.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WITNESSES?

WELL, I CERTAINLY DO!

I HAPPEN TO HAVE 5 OF THEM!

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

I WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THE ROOM

AT THE TIME THAT HE TOOK THE BRIBE!

AHA! THERE YOU ARE! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

I'M GONNA CALL YOU AS A WITNESS AT THE IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO IMPEACH A PRESIDENT

THAT'S DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB FOR?

OH, NONSENSE! THERE'S NO WATER DOWN THERE!

MR. HOWELL, I HAVE HAD IT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO IMPEACH ME!

I QUIT!

QUIET DOWN NOW, FOLKS.

PRESIDENT GILLIGAN WOULD LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS.

THANK YOU.

FIRST OF ALL, I WANT TO THANK YOU

FOR ATTENDING THIS CABINET MEETING.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

AND NOW THAT WE'VE SOLVED THE WATER PROBLEM,

I THINK WE OUGHT TO GET TO WORK ON OUR NEXT PROJECT:

A LOOKOUT TOWER.

LOOKOUT TOWER? THAT'S AN EXCELLENT IDEA, MR. PRESIDENT.

OH, YOU MEAN A HIGH-RISE SORT OF THING?

THAT SOUNDS MARVELOUS. WHAT IS IT?

IF WE BUILD A REAL TALL LOOKOUT TOWER,

A SHIP OR A PLANE MIGHT SPOT US,

AND WE'D BE RESCUED.

[ALL SHOUT AGREEMENT]

WE COULD BE RESCUED. GOOD, GOOD!

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU ALL LIKE THE IDEA.

I HAVE THE BAMBOO POLES AND VINES RIGHT THERE.

AND WE CAN BEGIN CONSTRUCTION RIGHT NOW.

MR. HOWELL--

NO, I HAVE TO GO, MR. PRESIDENT.

A LOT OF CASES ON THE DOCKET.

SUPREME COURT DECISIONS CAN'T WAIT, YOU KNOW.

MRS. HOWELL?

UH, I HAVE TO GO AND TAKE DICTATION

FOR MR. HOWELL.

PROFESSOR, DO YOU THINK--

I'M SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT,

I'VE GOT A SCIENTIFIC REPORT TO FINISH.

MARY ANN?

I THINK I'D BETTER CHECK THE FOOD SUPPLY.

GINGER, DO YOU--

I HAVE TO WASH MY HAIR, GILLIGAN.

SKIPPER, DO YOU THINK--

WELL, THAT'S JUST THE IDEA, MR. PRESIDENT.

YOU DONE SOME WONDERFUL THINGS FOR THE ISLAND,

AND EVERYBODY IS BEHIND YOU 100%.

OH, I SURE HOPE I CAN GET REELECTED.

OH, I'M SURE YOU WILL BE!

HA HA! DO A GOOD JOB, GILLIGAN.

NOW, WE ALL...

* NOW THIS IS THE TALE OF OUR CASTAWAYS *

* THEY'RE HERE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME *

* THEY'LL HAVE TO MAKE THE BEST OF THINGS *

* IT'S AN UPHILL CLIMB *

* THE FIRST MATE AND HIS SKIPPER, TOO *

* WILL DO THEIR VERY BEST *

* TO MAKE THE OTHERS COMFORTABLE *

* IN THE TROPIC ISLAND NEST *

NO PHONE... NO LIGHTS...

* NO MOTORCARS, NOT A SINGLE LUXURY *

* LIKE ROBINSON CRUSOE *

* IT'S PRIMITIVE AS CAN BE *

* SO JOIN US HERE EACH WEEK, MY FRIENDS *

* YOU'RE SURE TO GET A SMILE *

* FOR 7 STRANDED CASTAWAYS *

* HERE ON GILLIGAN'S ISLE *