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♪
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Woman: Aah! Oh!
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Aah!
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00:00:11,754 --> 00:00:14,329
Aah! Aah--
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00:00:14,423 --> 00:00:16,181
Bridget:
Don't you just love true crime?
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00:00:16,392 --> 00:00:18,517
Killer strangers,
strange husbands,
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cults that first seem like
a good networking opportunity
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00:00:21,413 --> 00:00:22,855
but the next thing you know,
you're getting branded
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00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,189
with the image of a goat man?
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00:00:24,341 --> 00:00:26,767
Then come on down
to Grimsburg's first-ever
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00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,844
convention for crime lovers,
Crime-Con.
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00:00:29,938 --> 00:00:33,348
Meet and greets, merch,
and more live murder podcasts
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00:00:33,442 --> 00:00:34,925
than you could ever
not listen to.
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00:00:35,094 --> 00:00:36,368
So, come to Crime-Con.
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00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,872
It's the closest thing to
murder, without really dying!
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Mayor Dilquez: Don't you
just love a convention?
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00:00:42,025 --> 00:00:43,858
Then come on down to Grimsburg's
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00:00:44,027 --> 00:00:45,936
43rd Annual Con-Con,
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00:00:46,029 --> 00:00:48,196
a convention for conventions.
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From Crime-Con to Comic Con
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to Chaka Con
and everything in between.
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So, if you're a fan of fandom,
come to Con-Con,
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where ain't nobody
loves fans better.
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Woman: Don't you just love
when the show has
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00:01:03,138 --> 00:01:05,972
a big, bloody, violent opening?
Aah!
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[Theme music plays]
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Flute: Multiple dismemberments.
Necklaces made out of teeth.
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That means the identity
of the killer
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can only be--
[School bell rings]
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We'll pick it up there
on Monday.
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Kang: So I'm running security
at Con-Con this weekend,
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and I could use a couple
of extra hands.
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Flute: Have some
self-respect, Kang.
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Nobody wants to be security.
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That's the lowest form of
law enforcement
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next to mall cops,
doormen, and mouthguards.
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Kang: Wynona, you're young
and, therefore, broke.
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Wanna make some extra money
you'll never save?
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Wynona: I actually do
quite well.
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You'd be surprised
how much change
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I find inside of people.
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Flute: See, I knew
she would turn you down.
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And I don't even know
anything about
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bloody gloves jacket girl.
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Wynona: It goes both ways.
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The more I learn about Flute,
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the more it bums me out.
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It's like reading a bio of
a shelter dog, but sadder.
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00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,109
Flute: But, Kang, since you'll
be there, you should stop by
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00:02:08,203 --> 00:02:09,795
my booth at Crime-Con
and get a pic with me.
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Summers: You have a booth?
Flute: That's right.
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It's a chance to give
something back to my fans.
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For $10.
cash only.
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I don't know how Bit Corn works.
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And I'm gonna need lots of merch
for my die-hard Flautists.
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00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:21,974
I can sell this and this
and this.
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Wynona: Hey.
Flute: And this.
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See you at the convention.
[Grunting]
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Summers: I'm pretty sure that
was my desk.
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Pentos: Once I am done
with you today,
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your brains will be twisted,
your minds warped,
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your fundamental idea of
life itself totally--uhh.
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[Sigh] Does everyone have
a field trip buddy?
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♪
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[Gasp]
[Thud]
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♪
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[Cricket chirping]
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[Flute grumbles]
Summers: First and last.
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My lucky day.
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Flute: Where are all my fans?
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Summers: I think they're
at their booths.
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♪
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Flute: They're obsessed
with killers?
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This is a crime against crime.
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Summers: Does the line
go with you?
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Pentos: Historically,
our annual field trip
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is to a program
called Scared Straight.
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But now that being straight
has become problematic,
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we had to shift.
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Gears. Anyway,
we're going to...
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Ah, change of plans, Stan.
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You're in charge now.
Pretend you're me.
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Stan: An underpaid
public school teacher?
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Ooh, manifestation is real!
What do I do?
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Pentos: Why are you children
always such children?
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Just take them there.
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[Screaming inside]
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[Kids cheering]
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Mr. Flesh:
18+? Finally,
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00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:06,470
your one chance to see a nipple,
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00:04:06,488 --> 00:04:09,939
even if it is attached to
a woman on a meat hook.
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Flute: Bridget. Hi.
I need to ask you about--
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Bridget: My teeth were
too small for Invisalign.
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Flute: What? No.
It's about my booth.
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00:04:15,481 --> 00:04:17,405
All the fans are lined up
for bad guys.
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They're supposed to worship
good guys
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in an unhealthy, parasocial way.
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Bridget: That's how
it used to be, but after
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00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,171
all the true crime podcasts
and Netflix docudramas,
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now all they care about are
psycho killers and which
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Hollywood mop with perfect teeth
will play them.
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And they're only perfect because
they usually have veneers.
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Flute: Kind of feels like
you're the only one
talking about teeth.
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Woman: Damien!
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♪
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Harmony: I'm with Damien
Flescher, who last year
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confessed to eating 31 people.
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Since his incarceration,
he's become a reformed cannibal
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and bestselling author
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of the vegan cookbook
"Tastes Like Kevin."
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Damien, do you ever miss
eating human flesh?
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Damien: I don't.
If you put a fresh corpse
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in front of me right now,
I'd say,
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"Let me get my hands on him!"
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[All gasp]
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Damien: So I can gently
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00:05:01,376 --> 00:05:04,619
shut his eyes with my fingers.
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All: Aww.
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Flute: Who's actually
buying this?
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Wynona: Hey!
Eat me, Damien!
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Flute: Something about this guy
leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
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♪
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Reformed cannibal?
You sure about that?
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Pinocchio Flescher: I swear!
I'm a real vegan boy!
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I haven't eaten people in years!
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Flute: Not according to
your nose boner.
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[Munching]
[Door opens]
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Geppetto: And just to be clear,
there's a perfectly logical
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reason why I make a little boy.
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Nothing fishy going on.
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Flute: I never said there was.
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Geppetto: Good,
because there's not.
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And he's not a real boy.
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He's the one who keep'a
saying that.
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He a fake boy.
So, that means
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I'm a-good.
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This a big gray area.
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Flute: Aah!
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00:05:52,077 --> 00:05:53,259
Flescher's a fraud
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00:05:53,428 --> 00:05:55,520
and Geppetto's a Geppetto-phile.
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Damn, you always think of
the best line after it's over.
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♪
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Pentos: Ahem.
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00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:04,754
Pentostonix 1:
What hath we here?
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00:06:04,923 --> 00:06:08,015
The glasses are passable.
The belt's a bit shabby.
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00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,852
But the ankle bracelet? Divine.
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00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,371
Wherever did you find it?
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00:06:12,598 --> 00:06:14,598
Pentos: The Grimsburg Institute
for the Criminally Insane
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Parole Board, because
I am Dr. Rufis Pentos.
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00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,882
Pentostonix 1: Mm, not quite.
Watch me.
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00:06:24,109 --> 00:06:27,460
I am Dr. Rufis Pentos!
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Pentostonix 2: No, it needs to
sound more like you're mid-yawn.
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00:06:30,298 --> 00:06:34,284
I am Dr. Rufis Pentos.
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00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:37,044
Pentostonix 3:
Uh, no, no, more like
you're scared of your tongue.
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Yai yam dowtor Roofyos Pyentyos!
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Pentos: What? But I sound
nothing like that.
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Pentostonix 3:
Mm-hmm. Closer.
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Pentostonix 1: And perhaps
one day, you could join us.
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The Pentostonix, a 5-piece
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00:06:50,894 --> 00:06:53,486
Pentos fan club-slash-
a cappella group.
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Pentos: If I wasn't
the real Pentos,
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how would I have this scar
from the 1997 Zamboni heist?
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Or this one from my third
Office Depot bombing?
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00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:07,150
Or these behind my ears from
my failed facial transplant
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and not at all from
a botched facelift
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I am still in litigation over?
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Pentostonix 1: It is you!
You are...
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All: ♪ Pentos♪
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[Laughter]
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Flute: I'm positive Flescher's
still eating people.
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You can't fake sobriety with me.
Or orgasms.
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Can't fake it if I'm
already finished.
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Summers: Um, is there a Fast
Pass to get a picture with you?
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Because my grandma's
in hospice and I--
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Flute: Once Flescher's fans
see me bust him,
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they'll realize they've been
obsessing over
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the wrong guy and be all mine.
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But to do that,
I'll need a hand.
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Up top. Wow.
So smooth.
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Wonder what the rest of
your body looked like.
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Stop.
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Ohh, all right.
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♪
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Kang: Ahem. VIP pass?
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00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:02,722
Flute: It's me.
Is this because I insulted
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00:08:02,891 --> 00:08:04,465
your very insultable
security job?
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00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:06,209
Kang: You mean the position
that is ironically
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00:08:06,228 --> 00:08:07,560
now the one thing
standing in your way,
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00:08:07,729 --> 00:08:08,987
and if you had taken the offer,
we could have
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00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,063
spent rare quality time
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00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,990
outside of the office?
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00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,308
No. Dut dut dut dut.
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No VIP pass, no entry.
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00:08:16,479 --> 00:08:17,996
Now get out of here before
I have to shine my
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00:08:18,223 --> 00:08:19,572
indestructible flashlight
at you.
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00:08:19,741 --> 00:08:22,225
Think I won't?
Try me.
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00:08:22,318 --> 00:08:24,244
Wynona: Great.
Now I'll never meet Flescher
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00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:25,837
so that he can fall in love
with me and I can
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00:08:26,064 --> 00:08:27,063
ultimately fix him because that
200
00:08:27,065 --> 00:08:28,489
always works with bad boys!
201
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:30,509
Flute: You know,
maybe if we worked together--
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00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:33,236
Wynona: Now you want to
work with me?
When we're not at work?
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00:08:33,329 --> 00:08:36,130
Flute: Look, I keep my distance
for your safety.
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00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:37,090
The moment I show
attention to a woman,
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00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,758
their minds begin to dream
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00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:40,001
and before you know it,
you're writing
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00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:41,261
"Mrs. Wynona Flute" all over
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00:08:41,429 --> 00:08:42,762
the cadavers you're autopsying.
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00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,430
Wynona: I'll give this
a shot as long as
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00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,082
you're not trying
to be my friend.
211
00:08:46,251 --> 00:08:47,675
We have a really good
nothing going.
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00:08:47,769 --> 00:08:50,177
Flute: Fine by me.
Wynona: Glad we're in agreement.
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00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:52,179
Flute: Oh, God.
You're falling already.
214
00:08:52,274 --> 00:08:53,365
Pentos: And that is how I rigged
215
00:08:53,592 --> 00:08:56,201
Jeremy Renner's snowplow
to eat his legs.
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00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:57,927
Pentostonix 1:
So, what are you up to now?
217
00:08:58,096 --> 00:09:00,187
Pentos: Ya know,
scheming up a big old plan.
218
00:09:00,282 --> 00:09:02,541
Stan: Dr. Pentos!
Sorry it took so long.
219
00:09:02,784 --> 00:09:03,875
We had to sift through
the body's
220
00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:05,935
lower intestine to find the key.
221
00:09:05,954 --> 00:09:07,712
I'll take them to lunch now.
222
00:09:09,032 --> 00:09:13,443
Pentos: Ahh. I suppose now
you know the truth.
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00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,295
Pentostonix 1:
You're a teacher...
224
00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:18,390
at a school for
the criminally gifted.
225
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,617
Pentos: Yes! That's exactly
the truth I meant.
226
00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:22,786
Pentostonix 2: And your
big scheme is here at Con-Con?
227
00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:24,712
Pentos: Ha ha!
Can't fool my fans.
228
00:09:24,806 --> 00:09:28,641
Pentostonix 3: Syo it's
Yozen's Leven year yolds?
229
00:09:28,794 --> 00:09:31,236
Pentos: I'm sorry.
Could you say that again, Dave?
230
00:09:31,463 --> 00:09:34,798
Pentostonix 1: He said it's
Ocean's 11-year-olds.
231
00:09:34,966 --> 00:09:36,299
You must let us watch.
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00:09:36,468 --> 00:09:38,577
Pentos: Anything for my stans!
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00:09:38,804 --> 00:09:40,486
Nedward: Mr. Pentos, I looked
at a light too long
234
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:43,156
and now I can only see
a big, dark circle.
235
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,917
Pentos: This kid?
Total psycho.
236
00:09:47,403 --> 00:09:49,070
Wynona: There's gotta be
one convention that can help us
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00:09:49,164 --> 00:09:50,571
get into the VIP room.
238
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,090
Flute: CondimentCon.
Wrath of Con.
239
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,818
Oh, my God.
Connie Britton Con?!
240
00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:57,153
Wynona: [Gasp] Wait.
You love Connie Britton, too?
241
00:09:57,172 --> 00:09:58,930
Flute: Of course.
She's the perfect combo of
242
00:09:59,082 --> 00:10:00,490
high class and low hairline.
243
00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:01,841
Wynona: "Friday Night Lights"
was the reason
244
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,101
I became the first female kicker
245
00:10:03,328 --> 00:10:04,603
for my
high school football team.
246
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,329
Flute: And "Nashville" was
the reason I tried to become
247
00:10:06,348 --> 00:10:07,755
the reigning queen of country.
248
00:10:07,849 --> 00:10:10,016
Wynona: That's so funny.
Flute: I know.
249
00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:11,276
Both: Ahem.
Flute: We should...
250
00:10:11,427 --> 00:10:12,777
Wynona: Uh, yeah,
let's get that pass.
251
00:10:12,929 --> 00:10:42,807
♪
252
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,701
Ugh. [Munch]
253
00:10:44,794 --> 00:10:48,295
Woman: That's two tickets to
ConCussion for two people.
254
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,373
$2.00 per ticket,
for two tickets,
255
00:10:50,392 --> 00:10:52,709
for two people.
People for $2.00...
256
00:10:52,727 --> 00:10:56,303
Flute: So, why are
you such a big fan of Flescher?
The guy ate a senator.
257
00:10:56,398 --> 00:10:57,397
Wynona: I don't like him
because he's a cannibal.
258
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,324
I like him because
he's a genius.
259
00:10:59,517 --> 00:11:01,993
He built a brand for himself
as the sexy outcast,
260
00:11:02,220 --> 00:11:04,404
proving you can be
both weird and hot
261
00:11:04,556 --> 00:11:06,147
no matter how disturbing
your interests are.
262
00:11:06,315 --> 00:11:08,833
Flescher's just misunderstood,
like me,
263
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:10,484
and honestly, kind of like you.
264
00:11:10,578 --> 00:11:13,505
Flute: I'm misunderstood?
[Scoffs] I don't understand.
265
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:16,991
Wynona: Everyone sees you as
this arrogant narcissist,
266
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,826
but I think
that's what makes you
267
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,512
Grimsburg's best detective.
268
00:11:20,739 --> 00:11:22,163
Flute: Huh. It's weird
hearing someone other than
269
00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:23,664
me and my coffee mug say that.
270
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:26,426
Wynona: Well, the detective bar
is pretty low.
271
00:11:26,578 --> 00:11:28,002
Kang can't even
solve the mystery of
272
00:11:28,246 --> 00:11:29,579
how to buy
a properly sized coat.
273
00:11:29,597 --> 00:11:31,748
Flute: Have you seen Summers
interrogating a suspect?
274
00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:34,693
It's like watching
a cast member at Disneyland
help a lost kid.
275
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,178
Wynona: And Martinez thinks
her accent can stop a criminal.
276
00:11:37,272 --> 00:11:40,347
[New York accent]
We get it. You're from New York.
You're working here.
277
00:11:40,425 --> 00:11:42,516
[Both laugh]
278
00:11:43,261 --> 00:11:45,186
Wynona: I don't feel so good.
279
00:11:45,354 --> 00:11:47,597
Did we just become work friends?
280
00:11:47,766 --> 00:11:49,690
Flute: Impossible.
There was probably something off
281
00:11:49,784 --> 00:11:51,692
with those breakfast tacos
we shared like friends.
282
00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:53,786
Oh, son of a bitch.
Ew ew ew ew.
283
00:11:53,955 --> 00:11:56,881
Wynona: Oh, God. What if
Harmony saw us becoming friends?
284
00:11:57,108 --> 00:11:58,199
Flute: That's it!
Harmony's here,
285
00:11:58,367 --> 00:11:59,959
and she's press, which means...
286
00:12:00,128 --> 00:12:02,128
Both: She can get us into VIP!
287
00:12:02,297 --> 00:12:04,447
Wynona: Uhh!
Flute: Ha ha ha! Uhh!
288
00:12:04,466 --> 00:12:07,166
Woman: For people dollars
for two tickets, for two people,
289
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,478
for dollars for two tickets,
for two dol--
290
00:12:12,457 --> 00:12:15,141
Pentos: Ha ha ha ha!
It is now time
291
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,277
for the talent portion
of the field trip.
292
00:12:17,462 --> 00:12:20,146
Who has a special skill?
Like, say, demolitions?
293
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,982
Computer hacking?
Perhaps a wheelman?
294
00:12:23,134 --> 00:12:24,150
Khaleesi: I can do a cartwheel!
295
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,061
Stan: I can make my finger
do this!
296
00:12:27,155 --> 00:12:28,471
Nedward: I can make my body
go liquid
297
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,990
and crawl under doors
like a cat.
298
00:12:31,159 --> 00:12:32,250
[Pentos sighs]
299
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,143
Harmony:
Reporting live from Walk-Con,
300
00:12:34,312 --> 00:12:35,478
the convention for
celebrity walk-ons,
301
00:12:35,647 --> 00:12:38,481
I'm here with
writer and actress Tina Fey.
302
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,573
Tina: Really great to be here.
303
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:41,501
Harmony: Thank you
for stopping by, Tina.
304
00:12:41,669 --> 00:12:42,910
Tina: That's all I get--
Harmony: It's a walk-on, Teenz.
305
00:12:43,004 --> 00:12:44,837
One line only. Kang?
306
00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:46,038
Tina: Uh--
307
00:12:46,174 --> 00:12:47,507
Harmony: Uhh! Uhh.
308
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:53,104
♪
309
00:12:53,256 --> 00:12:54,439
Harmony: Oh. Heh.
310
00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:56,257
Flute: You got something
on your chin.
311
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:58,684
♪
312
00:12:58,928 --> 00:12:59,685
Harmony: Ha ha.
313
00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:07,860
♪
314
00:13:08,029 --> 00:13:11,456
Wow. My chin is so sticky.
315
00:13:14,519 --> 00:13:16,110
Flute: Keep an eye out.
We can't get Kang-blocked.
316
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,463
Or "Man-Kangled."
"Kang-kles"?
317
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:19,798
"Kankles"? How'd I get here?
318
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,448
Wynona: What if he doesn't
find me as sexy
319
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,134
as he does in all
my fanfictions? [Gasp]
320
00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:25,711
♪
321
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,806
I can't do this.
Flute: Yes, you can.
322
00:13:28,033 --> 00:13:30,366
I've seen you elbow deep
in a man's large intestine
323
00:13:30,385 --> 00:13:32,201
while also eating a corncob--
324
00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:34,387
a historically
two-handed activity.
325
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,688
You can do this.
326
00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:40,726
Mr. Flescher. Hi.
I'm a producer.
327
00:13:40,895 --> 00:13:42,228
Dr. A. Producer.
328
00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:43,713
We're working on a docu-series
329
00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,139
about cannibal docu-serieses.
330
00:13:45,308 --> 00:13:46,991
Flescher: I'd love to.
I feed off
331
00:13:47,143 --> 00:13:49,735
my fans'...attention.
332
00:13:49,904 --> 00:13:51,054
Ha ha ha ha!
333
00:13:51,222 --> 00:13:51,996
Flute: How about an interview...
334
00:13:52,223 --> 00:13:53,480
over lunch?
335
00:13:53,649 --> 00:13:56,501
♪
336
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,819
Pentos: OK, time to explain
our heist plan
337
00:13:58,913 --> 00:14:03,416
as if an audience was
too stupid to follow along.
Hit it!
338
00:14:03,568 --> 00:14:06,052
[Pentostonix singing
"Mission: Impossible" theme]
339
00:14:11,593 --> 00:14:13,593
Pentos: Khaleesi,
we'll need your gymnastics
340
00:14:13,761 --> 00:14:16,079
to navigate the security system.
341
00:14:16,172 --> 00:14:18,439
[Alarm blaring]
Khaleesi: Ah!
342
00:14:20,251 --> 00:14:23,528
Ohh. [Crying]
[Singing continues]
343
00:14:27,942 --> 00:14:31,202
Pentos: If we are to stand any
chance of robbing this joint,
344
00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:33,687
we will need...
[Singing continues]
345
00:14:34,449 --> 00:14:36,958
a double one.
[Singing continues]
346
00:14:41,864 --> 00:14:45,049
And lastly, the vault.
It's locked up air tight,
347
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,368
but not liquid tight.
348
00:14:47,536 --> 00:14:49,596
[Singing continues]
349
00:14:50,798 --> 00:14:53,349
Nedward: Ow!
[Singing continues]
350
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:59,564
♪ Ahh!
351
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,067
Pentos: Walking into a vault
with my fingers
352
00:15:03,219 --> 00:15:06,053
ever so lightly tented?
353
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,647
How I've missed this.
354
00:15:07,799 --> 00:15:10,557
Now for master plan part deux--
Nedward: Mr. Pentos, I have to--
355
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,802
Pentos: I'm not finished
with my evil plan!
356
00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:14,303
[Kids gasp]
Pentos: And I pray
357
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:18,232
none of you have
an allergy to nuts!
358
00:15:18,359 --> 00:15:20,627
[Laughs]
359
00:15:26,484 --> 00:15:28,742
Flute: Would you like
some filet mign-arm?
360
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:31,578
Flescher: Cute.
It's shaped like an arm.
361
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,005
[Chewing]
362
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,325
What is this?
Chickpeas? Tempeh?
363
00:15:36,419 --> 00:15:39,253
Flute: Try 100%
free-range human.
364
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,346
Wynona: This wasn't
part of our plan.
365
00:15:40,498 --> 00:15:42,014
Flute: You miss it, don't you?
366
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,590
Gnawing on the elbow
like a drumstick.
367
00:15:43,685 --> 00:15:46,169
Spitting out the nails
like sunflower seeds.
368
00:15:46,262 --> 00:15:48,171
I know you're still
eating people.
369
00:15:48,189 --> 00:15:49,614
And now all your fans will, too.
370
00:15:49,765 --> 00:15:52,951
Or should I say "my new fans"
now that they've seen me?
371
00:15:53,178 --> 00:15:54,768
Flescher: Uhh! Security!
372
00:15:54,846 --> 00:15:57,956
Flute: But my crime mind said
you were still a cannibal.
373
00:15:58,183 --> 00:15:59,849
It's never wrong! Uhh!
374
00:15:59,867 --> 00:16:01,350
Bridget: Kang, get 'em
out of here!
375
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,378
[Flute grunting]
376
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,354
[Flute and Wynona grunt]
377
00:16:05,523 --> 00:16:08,449
Kang: Consider yourselves
Kang-banged.
378
00:16:08,543 --> 00:16:11,427
Flute: Kang-banged!
Damn, it was right there.
379
00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:18,476
Flute: Ugh. I can't believe
my crime mind was wrong.
380
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,295
What's next? My gaydar?
My women's intuition?
381
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:23,222
My sense of direction?
Which way am I pointing?
382
00:16:23,374 --> 00:16:25,817
Sorth? Nouth?
Sweest? Downways?
383
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,134
Wynona: You know what
I can't believe?
384
00:16:27,303 --> 00:16:28,469
that you spent the whole day
385
00:16:28,713 --> 00:16:29,821
catfishing our friendship.
386
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,638
At least when Damien
chews people up,
387
00:16:31,733 --> 00:16:32,991
he doesn't just spit them out.
388
00:16:33,218 --> 00:16:35,568
He has the decency to swallow.
Oh!
389
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,645
Kang: You were all set up
for a swallowing joke
390
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,056
and you didn't take the bait.
391
00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:41,741
Flute: Because neither did
Flescher.
392
00:16:41,909 --> 00:16:43,251
He didn't swallow.
393
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,579
My crime mind wasn't wrong,
I just misread it.
394
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,248
Flescher is a liar.
Not because he's
still a cannibal,
395
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,658
because he never was one
to begin with!
396
00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:53,569
I don't think I should have
emphasized that last word.
397
00:16:53,738 --> 00:16:55,905
Kang: And brace yourself,
because whoever
398
00:16:55,998 --> 00:16:58,499
ate this arm had braces.
399
00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:03,079
Flute: Bridget.
She's a cannibal named Bridget?
400
00:17:03,172 --> 00:17:05,506
Ooh-hoo! This job.
401
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,417
♪
402
00:17:08,511 --> 00:17:10,194
[Stan grunting]
403
00:17:10,346 --> 00:17:12,196
Pentos: Stan,
you're falling behind.
404
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,682
Stan: Uhh! I respect
the attention to detail,
405
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:20,705
but why did PirateCon have to
only accept gold doubloons? Aah!
406
00:17:20,932 --> 00:17:23,524
♪
407
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:28,862
[Gasp] Aah!
[Pentos grunting]
408
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,790
[Kids grunting]
409
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:36,537
♪
410
00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:38,464
Pentos: Oh! [Grunting]
411
00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:40,283
♪
412
00:17:40,301 --> 00:17:42,551
Khaleesi: Uhh!
You have to let one go!
413
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,229
♪
414
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:48,474
Pentos: Sorry, Stan.
I'm not a teacher. I never was.
415
00:17:48,643 --> 00:17:50,068
I've always been a villain.
416
00:17:50,219 --> 00:17:51,736
Stan: Well, you're
my favorite teacher,
417
00:17:51,963 --> 00:17:54,405
and I'm sure this is another one
of your amazing lessons,
418
00:17:54,632 --> 00:17:58,484
which I will hopefully figure
out before I hit the acid.
419
00:17:58,653 --> 00:18:01,987
♪
420
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:03,639
[Pentos and Khaleesi grunt]
421
00:18:03,699 --> 00:18:13,216
♪
422
00:18:14,577 --> 00:18:16,910
Pentostonix 1: Why didn't you
just let him die?
423
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,745
Pentos: Because
this isn't a school
424
00:18:18,990 --> 00:18:20,156
for the criminally gifted.
425
00:18:20,249 --> 00:18:22,007
I'm just a regular teacher
426
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,493
teachering regular psychopaths.
427
00:18:24,512 --> 00:18:26,587
That's who I am now.
And if that's
428
00:18:26,755 --> 00:18:28,848
not good enough for you,
then maybe you need to find
429
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,608
someone else to be a fan of.
430
00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:36,405
Oh, wow.
That was very fast.
431
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,785
Bridget: Ready for
"Cooking with Flescher"?
432
00:18:41,012 --> 00:18:43,346
[Crowd cheering]
433
00:18:43,514 --> 00:18:44,956
[Microphone feedback]
Flute: Sorry, folks,
434
00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:46,198
but Flescher's not a cannibal.
435
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,784
The real killer is...Bridget!
436
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,905
Bridget: Oh, yeah,
I already went over it.
I'm the cannibal.
437
00:18:53,057 --> 00:18:54,448
Flescher took credit
to build his brand.
438
00:18:54,542 --> 00:18:56,450
Crime-Con was just a ruse
to enact my revenge.
439
00:18:56,544 --> 00:18:58,469
There was a whole PowerPoint
and everything.
440
00:18:58,696 --> 00:19:01,380
♪
441
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,199
Flute: And you all are
OK with that?
442
00:19:03,368 --> 00:19:04,809
Woman: Yeah! We're fans!
443
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,293
We gotta like someone, right?
444
00:19:06,387 --> 00:19:07,887
Flute: Yes. But why obsess over
445
00:19:08,055 --> 00:19:09,038
famous people you'll never meet
446
00:19:09,131 --> 00:19:10,130
when you could be fans of people
447
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,482
you actually can?
448
00:19:11,634 --> 00:19:12,984
You there in the audience.
What's the most
449
00:19:13,211 --> 00:19:14,226
interesting thing about you?
450
00:19:14,470 --> 00:19:15,802
Man: Sometimes I
go to the hospital
451
00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:17,738
and I switch
the babies in the cribs.
452
00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:21,975
Flute: OK, maybe not that guy.
But today, I learned
453
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,310
more about Wynona in a few hours
454
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,404
than I have in years
of working with her.
455
00:19:25,556 --> 00:19:27,665
Did you know she was a kicker on
her high school football team?
456
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,150
Woman: We don't know
who Wynona is.
457
00:19:30,319 --> 00:19:32,003
Flute: And neither did I
until today.
458
00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:34,747
But now I'm her biggest fan.
459
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:39,844
Bridget: Nice try, Flute, but
my new fans still expect a show!
460
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,087
[Whirring]
461
00:19:42,256 --> 00:19:44,849
♪
462
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,851
My eyes! Uhh!
463
00:19:47,078 --> 00:19:48,186
Kang: Flute, catch.
464
00:19:48,429 --> 00:19:50,671
Flute: Yikes. What's that?
Like, 9,000 lumens?
465
00:19:50,765 --> 00:19:52,673
♪
466
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:53,632
Oh!
467
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,693
♪
468
00:19:55,844 --> 00:19:57,010
[Whirring stops]
469
00:19:57,179 --> 00:19:59,255
[Crowd murmuring]
470
00:20:00,091 --> 00:20:03,326
Kang: What are you waiting for?
Go get her.
471
00:20:05,096 --> 00:20:09,098
Oh, God, have I become
the rom-com best friend?
472
00:20:09,191 --> 00:20:10,583
Flute: Wynona, wait!
473
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,527
♪
474
00:20:13,696 --> 00:20:16,214
You were right about Flescher.
And about me.
475
00:20:16,441 --> 00:20:18,441
Wynona: Uh-uh. If you're gonna
give me a speech about
476
00:20:18,609 --> 00:20:21,277
how you set out to find fans
but really, you found a friend,
477
00:20:21,295 --> 00:20:23,145
don't, because
that will make me puke.
478
00:20:23,205 --> 00:20:24,222
Flute:
Yeah, I'm already queasy.
479
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,948
I feel like I do
when Summers tries to
480
00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:27,466
find the silver lining
in everything.
481
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,951
Wynona as Summers:
Well, our squad car
482
00:20:29,044 --> 00:20:30,061
may be on fire, but now
483
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,729
I can see you better.
484
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,289
[Both laugh]
485
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,882
Wynona: Wow. We really did
become friends, didn't we?
486
00:20:36,051 --> 00:20:37,235
Now what do we do?
487
00:20:37,386 --> 00:20:38,477
Flute: Maybe we just keep
making fun of
488
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,570
our coworkers together
489
00:20:39,797 --> 00:20:40,980
and see where it takes us.
490
00:20:41,132 --> 00:20:43,148
[Camera's shutter clicks]
[Whirring]
491
00:20:43,317 --> 00:20:45,484
Summers: Yes! And your eyes
are even half-open!
492
00:20:45,636 --> 00:20:47,912
Just hold on
a little longer, Grandma.
493
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:50,806
Wynona: Why is he running?
He has jet packs.
494
00:20:50,899 --> 00:20:54,252
Both: Just fly! [Laughing]
495
00:20:54,479 --> 00:20:56,462
Summers: She passed.
Flute: Oh.
496
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,984
Pentos: So, when your parents
ask what we did today,
497
00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:03,094
what are you going to say?
498
00:21:03,321 --> 00:21:05,321
Kids: Not grand larceny.
499
00:21:05,414 --> 00:21:09,100
Pentos: Perfect.
[Kids laugh]
500
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,084
Pentostonix 1: Have fun
sculpting the minds
501
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:14,313
of the next generation! Idiot.
502
00:21:17,518 --> 00:21:19,694
[Explosion]
503
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:25,283
Pentos: Still got it. [Laughs]
504
00:21:25,510 --> 00:21:29,328
[Coughs] Can I get a sip
of that juice box?
505
00:21:33,367 --> 00:21:35,459
Person: Bento.
[Crowd cheering]
37705
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