All language subtitles for The Sopranos - S06E07 - Luxury Lounge.eng.SDH

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[IN ITALIAN] That's
where the Twin Towers were.

We should go see it.

[BIRDS TWITTERING]

You guys speak English?

[ITALIAN ACCENT] Not some too much.

[IN ITALIAN]
The address is in the bag.

134 Deweunter Terrace, Brooklyn

That's in New York.

There's a map.

Dump it all after you memorize it.

The man you're gonna
pop is very cautious,

usually has protection.

Guy with a long horse
face, in good shape.

The fish have been cleaned.

You can drop them where you do it.

Where'd you learn to speak Italian?

I came over with my parents

when I was two.

You were born in Italy?

Where?

[CHATTERING]

[CLINKS GLASS]

I just wanna say

it's been a while since
we opened the books

and in regards to you guys…

Burt, Gerry… As a man of few words, I…

Not few enough, though, huh? New blood.

-New blood.
-Salute.

Sure, we break some balls here tonight,

but I go way back.

And in light of recent humiliations,

it's a honor to be joined by men

and not faggot-ass
corn-holing cocksuckers

like married my cousin.

-He should fuckin' die!
-Phil, relax.

-Whoa whoa whoa, Phil.
-Take it easy.

Phil, you know the wine
makes you emotional.

Because I got an empty fuckin' stomach.

So have a breadstick.

Forty-five minutes for
some grilled eggplant?

Jesus Christ, is there nothing
without this complaining?

You didn't notice? Artie's
game is a little off lately.

Well, Carmela sent her
branzino back Sunday night,

but she loves to do that.

Gentlemen, how's everything so far?

-Fantastic.
-Delicious.

The delay… a thousand pardons.

I'm breaking in a new guy on the line.

You seem set for antipasto.

I gotta be honest… new
guy in the kitchen aside,

I mean, how come we're
waiting? It seems empty out there.

[CHUCKLES] People like
to get in that last barbecue.

Artie, you been to this "Da
Giovanni" up by Troy Hills?

-No, I haven't been.
-Supposed to be incredible.

-He's a kid, right?
-I hate fish,

but his, with the agrodolce…

I'll check it out.

-Ah, buon appetito.
-About time.

[ALL MUTTERING]

Fuckin' Phil. Some display, huh?

Paid a visit to Vito's goomar, Jill.

She still hasn't heard from Vito.

We were just discussin'
"La Cage aux Fat."

[ALL CHUCKLE]

I was gonna get my cousin
Tommy to call his detective friend.

I've been hamstrung with that
work stoppage at the office park.

Vito shows up… he shows up,
then we deal with him. If not…

It's just a phone call. And seriously,

Tommy says the guy can track
somebody from the corn in his shit.

Yeah, I saw them do that on CSI.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

-Good night.
-Bye, Sack.

-Bye now.
-Good night, kid.

Hey, I was glad to hear you
say that about the search,

'cause I gotta take a little time
off for some business in Cali.

Little Carmine's lined
up a meet in LA for us.

So, what is it, business or time off?

Time off from here,
but definite business.

With Ben Kingsley, Ton'.

So you're gonna go get an autograph

on the weekend of the
Notre Dame-Michigan game?

I got my guys all over
it. Little Carmine says

if we attach Ben
Kingsley, the picture's a go.

Little Carmine?

It's common knowledge the guy's retarded.

I don't get it. You agreed
to this in the hospital.

Christopher, I was in a coma.

Okay, fine. I'll call Little Carmine,

call the airline, cancel.

I'll probably still reach someone.

What am I gonna do with you?

Make a lot of money.

All right.

What the fuck is this idiot
doing? [HONKS HORN]

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

No speak English.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN] …Brooklyn.

Ho, pal. Move your car. We're late.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

Move el automobile.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

Rusty! Don't forget to call Marissa.

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

Hurry up. Let me see.

-Museum…
-Eastern Parkway.

Eastern Parkway, not the Belt Parkway.

[SHELLS CLINK]

[BIRDS TWITTERING]

So I'm trying to eject the
DVD and the kids are freaking,

-"What's wrong with that lady, Daddy?"
-[MAN CHUCKLING]

-And Carrie says…
-How's the scaloppine?

Uh, it's delicious. Thanks.

It all depends on
slicing the veal very thin.

My way…

I like to chill it down a degree or two

and then I pull a straight
razor right across it.

Your father could cook.

He told me when you were in
here last. 75th birthday, right?

-In the Navy.
-What's that?

-[MUFFLED]
-In the Navy, he cooked.

Terrific guy. Great head of hair.

-You enjoy.
-Mmm.

Save room. I'll be back
with dessert specials.

Ho, Benny, Moe and Jack.

How's the bruschett'?

You got a quorum. Let me get you a table.

You guys go ahead.
I'm gonna stay right here.

My best customer, but he's
nailed to this fuckin' spot.

It's either the wine or the view.

Such a sweet kid.

You know, she told
Charmaine that back in Albania

her whole family got blown up

waiting on line for an oil change.

The shit she's been
through, we just had to help.

I even called in a favor
with my cousin in Manhattan,

got her a working visa,
started on the green card.

Martina, come do some hosting.

-Hi.
-Hi.

What's up?

This is your cheering section over here.

-Hello, Benny.
-You got the reservations squared away?

It's very few right now.

Football season.

I could watch her walk away all night.

Good, 'cause like most girls with
you, that's what she's gonna do.

Ah, to be young and
single again like these two,

-huh, Benito?
-Ahh.

-[DISHES CLATTERING]
-[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

I can put the credit card
numbers on actual plastic

for an extra five bills.

We do Internet strictly.

Mmm, the gnocchi!

I'll take your word. It's a
little too rich for my stomach.

It's okay. Just a bite.

I think it's a lamb ragù

with just a scoop of cold rigott'.

Holy shit.

It's all so fresh. That
fish with pistachios?

I feel like a traitor.

Vesuvio, lately, it's depressing somehow.

Maybe they need to remodel
or something. I don't know.

That menu is so tired.

-Hey, Homo Junior!
-Leave me the fuck alone!

Get… stop it! Mom, they're hurting Vito!

-Stop it!
-Where are your parents?

I guess she can't hide her face at home.

It'd be like admitting there
was something wrong.

I should have brought
a pair of sweatpants

to change into. I'm gonna explode.

Apparently, there is still a veal loin

yet to be unveiled.

Please, don't get up.

-Congratulations.
-Thank you.

That kid, I'm tellin' you…

-Thank you.
-…he was so handsome in that church.

The name he took,
"Francis"… after my pop.

No restaurants in Brooklyn? You
gotta come all the way to Jersey?

This food… it's worth a detour.
Why? Is there a problem?

Artie's a friend of mine, you know?
I like to throw him some business.

Talk to you a minute?

Visited with John.

He said to tell you he
appreciates the recent headlines.

Rusty.

I don't know what you're talkin' about.

I turned him down on that.

Madonn', you're a cautious man.

You know, some people
might feel a little offended.

Me… my heart is an open book.

Anyway, Rusty's gone

and we'll chalk it up to
the headless horseman.

-Giovanni.
-[PATRONS CLAPPING]

Bravo!

[MOTOWN MUSIC PLAYING]

[WHISPERING]

Martina was just tellin' me

that in Montenegro
I'd be the tallest guy.

Another fun fact from the Balkans.

Ben, are you up for dessert?

No, I'm all set here. Thanks.

Martina, sweetheart,

can I talk to you for a second?

What is it, Artie?

You're looking at me very serious.

You remember I had
that friend in Manhattan

that was gonna help speed you
through the green card process?

Apparently, it's not happening.

-Why?
-Too much on his plate, he said.

I guess you're just gonna
have to do it yourself. I'm sorry.

All those forms. Shit me.

I wish I could help you, but really,

it's a small inconvenience
compared to living in freedom, right?

Yes, I know this.

Get him another 'buca.

[SLOW ROCK N' ROLL PLAYING]

Hey, Tony.

You could fuck her, you know?

Well… I'm not 100% in that department,

but I'm startin' to
feel the old pressure.

It's funny, 'cause guys
like me, we come here,

we get drunk and stare.

Best-case scenario, we go in
the back room, we get a lap dance

a dry hump and pfft… blow in our pants.

Listen, you wanna fuck her so
bad, I'm sure it could be worked out.

Nah, I couldn't.

But you…

Well, what do you want me to say?

Nothing. It's just a fact.

If I knew you were gonna
be in such a pissy mood…

Gabriella Dante and Rosalie
Aprile came in for lunch yesterday.

So what, you wanna fuck one of them now?

No.

Gab said you all went and had a
meal at Da Giovanni on Sunday.

Well, I was gonna tell you.

It was Phil's grandson's
confirmation. It's a pain in the ass.

What are you gonna do? You gotta eat.

It's nothing' special, believe me.

Actually, Carm got a little sick
after. Too much oil, she thought.

Gab said I should check it out,

like I could learn something.

Well, she runs her mouth, that one.

Fuck her.

Carm got sick. Nice touch.

It was a business obligation, Artie.

Uh-oh. Last time I heard that, I
had to call the fire department.

Well, maybe you need
another fresh start to fuck up.

I should go.

-Oh, come on, come on.
-No.

-I'm sorry. Have another one, come on.
-Forget it.

I know where your heart is.

I gotta plan the menu for tomorrow.

Fasanella, my old man's a meat guy.

He said that the restaurant
business was like keeping an elephant.

It costs a fortune and sooner
or later it shits on your head.

I miss him.

Hector had to trim three
inches off the fiorentinas.

Great. We can't even get
the good meat anymore.

Fucking Western Beef
is leaving us for dead.

I wanted you to call their
guy, but you were on the floor

talking to the Cohens' mother-in-law.

You can't deal with the
Western Beef guy yourself,

my blushing flower?

It's not the same from me.

And Arthur, the chatting

with the guests… Again, that's it.

It's not Hector or the
meat or these assholes

that are always looking for
the next hot thing. It's me.

Limit it to a quick visit at coffee.

People wanna talk to each other, not you.

Really? You know better
than New Jersey Zagat…

"Arthur Bucco, warm and convivial host"?

[SIGHS]

Yeah, we're here right now.

Sure, the broad strokes. Perfect.

Kingsley's agent says we
grab lunch tomorrow, poolside.

-That guy, Jay?
-Yeah, I got him out of some trouble

on a party yacht down in the Keys.

Ben Kingsley, can he
do a New Jersey accent?

Welcome to the Viceroy.

I usually send the bags up, hit the bar,

decompress a little,
unless you're against it.

-What are you talking about?
-You're in A.

You gave the stewardess an earful
when she put down the champagne.

I just don't wanna make
you feel uncomfortable.

Relax. I can deal with it.

Be careful with this wine,

because the way you two
are looking at each other,

pretty soon we're gonna have to…

-Put a high chair right here.
-[CHUCKLES]

Did you clip the daily-special
cards to all the menus?

Hey, Artie, come here.

You ready to order?

Why you kicking her ass like that?

If you're referring to the
fact that she's my employee

and I'm telling her what to do, last
time I checked, that's the way it works.

She thinks you want
her to cry. I said not true.

She told you that?

'Cause you two talk all the time.

-Yeah. So what?
-So, maybe you should hire her.

I know how to treat people.

-You're a people person, obviously.
-I am.

And when they're good
to me, they get treats.

And when they're not, well, I
got this severance thing I do.

It's a complete break, actually.

[ARTIE LAUGHS]

I get it.

See, 'cause you talked around that
threat so much, I almost missed it.

Sorry to interrupt you guys,

but, Arthur, you have
to plate the salmon.

Arthur, the kid is a hood, okay?

If he feels protective of his girlfriend,

you should just leave it alone.

She's a slow learner.

She's a nice girl, and as predicted,

the customers love her

with her little stories
from the old country.

You are just picking on her.

It's disgusting. He's a married man.

[SIGHS, SNORTING]

So it's 500 for the hour, 300 for half.

And if you wanna
keep skiing, that's extra.

All right, Eden, how's about 400 for 40

and four more lines and
then we'll take it from there?

That'll work.

Fuckin'-a.

Those are some amazing tits.

Thank you, sweetie.

Carlo's running late. Route
23, they think there's a sniper.

Listen, the other night…

It's this place. You know, the rope's

a little tight at my collar.

Down 40% from last year.

-You need a little help?
-From you? God no.

Oh, there's the gratitude
I was looking for.

No, I mean I'm not at
that point, thank God.

But thank you.

Well, listen, the other
day I was driving along

and I was thinking
about your little problem.

How about a little promotion?
A coupon, two-for-one?

Two-fers, wow.

You mean, like you get a
free spaghetti and meatballs

if you bring another cheap
gomer douchebag in here?

How about an early-bird
special? Salad wagon?

This is a fine dining establishment.
I'll give it back to the bank

before I turn it into a fucking IHOP.

Just send the waiter over here.

You wanna help me so
badly? Try paying your tab.

-Excuse me?
-That little roast

you and the waste management people
threw for Dick Barone when he got sick

40 fucking garbagemen
from around the country.

Of course you paid Pat Cooper.

You paid the entertainment.

[AIRPLANE ENGINE DRONING]

[SINGING POP SONG]

[HUMMING]

Afternoon. We're
looking for Arthur Bucco.

-That's me.
-Dave Kloski. This is Jim Hollings.

American Express? Funny,
I had you two for cops.

In a past life. Actually
we're here to investigate

some recent irregularities in
charge activity here at Nuevo Vesuvio.

"Nuovo." Irregularities?

Well, there is credit card
fraud going on in this restaurant.

-That's impossible.
-Based on cardholder disputes,

we show nine hits in this locus
that precede fraudulent activity.

-What does that mean?
-People's card numbers were copied

and those numbers were used to rack
up thousands of dollars in phony charges.

Wait, you think I'm ripping off
my own customers? That's insane.

Were these meals actually served?

Shit.

Councilman Carillo? That
was just two weeks ago.

So you understand we have to suspend

the use of our cards here
pending an investigation.

Suspend? You're cutting me off?

What's going on?

They're from Amex. No more charges.

-What?!
-Someone's stealing!

Guys, this is like 30%
of my business here

and I can't fucking spare it right now!

Artie, please don't curse.
The minute you use profanity,

you give them the high moral
ground to do whatever they please.

We need copies of your reservations

and a list of anyone who
has access to customer plastic.

I'm just asking, Jay.

Well, tell me again.

Why am I meeting with these chaps?

Oh! Oh, bollocks, Jay. Uh… bollocks!

Oh, please.

[HELICOPTER THRUMMING]

Anyway, we appreciate that your time

is less than limited,
so I'll cut to the chase.

Log line… The Ring
meets The Godfather.

Wiseguy… murdered, I
guess you could say…

Seeks revenge on the man who ordered it.

You would play that man.

Which man?

Who are we kidding here?

You're Ben Kingsley. You'd play the boss.

I heard this idea… I call Jay and I say,

"Sir Ben Kingsley, no one else."

Well, you know, as
ever, it's script-dependent.

Oh, we got a sensational
writer… J.T. Dolan.

I'm embarrassed. I haven't heard of him.

He's from TV… Nash
Bridges, Hooperman,

and Law & Order, the SUV.

So there's a script?

We wanted to surmise your interest

and then tailor the
part to your specificities.

No one plays a tough, ruthless,
hardhearted prick like you do.

You got it down, trust me.

I take that as quite a compliment.

Sure. "Sexy Beast"?

Now, we do have a shortlist of directors.

We could go A-list
down the horror genre…

Ridley, Tobe Hooper.

Or we could try to find the
next James Wan. He did Saw.

Did you see that? Fuckin' brutal.

Betty?

It's Ben. How are you?

What on earth are you doing out here?

Oh, I don't know.

[LAUGHS] OH.

Gentlemen, allow me to
introduce Miss Lauren Bacall.

Lauren, this is Carmine Tazzi
and Christopher Moltisanti.

Huge fan.

-Thank you.
-"Lupertazzi."

You were great in
The Haves and Have-Nots.

Oh yes, dear Howard Hawks. Thank you.

I'm a presenter at one
of these award shows…

ShoWest, some bullshit.

Oh, I did one of those years ago,
after Death and the Maiden, I think.

They do take good care of you, though.

I have shiatsu in about ten minutes.

-Wow.
-But let's catch up.

Absolutely. Great to see you.

-Thank you.
-As always.

-So nice meeting both of you.
-Enjoy your success.

Uh, that reminds me, I
have a scheduling problem.

This meeting was last
minute and I'm supposed to be

at the luxury lounge at 2:00.

Yeah, but we haven't even
gotten to the particulars yet.

We'll walk with you.

I think this is going very well.

You okay? You seem a bit distracted.

It's fucking Sir Ben Kingsley
is all. Lauren Bacall.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

-Yo.
-Murmur, I'm chipping here major.

Get on a plane.

Sir Ben Kingsley and… guests.

Janine will take you around.

Hi, Janine. Ben Kingsley.

We're offering the full services

of the spa today, including massage.

Listen, we're thinking about
Sam Rockwell for the younger guy.

-Is that a good chemistry for you?
-Hmm.

May I offer you champagne?

Maybe later.

-[LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING]
-[GUEST CONVERSING]

This is Yael from Cosabella
Lingerie. Sir Ben Kingsley.

I'll take an extra large in these.

[CHUCKLING]

For a man, White & Warm
is giving this cashmere throw,

great for the airplane,
and here, one for the car.

-Thanks, Yael.
-They charge this shit to the room?

-Hmm?
-This is Carla from Oris.

Men's and women's, sporty and dressy.

A lot of guys are going with
the classic stainless chrono.

Oh, my godson would love that.
He's having his birthday in three weeks.

-But for me…
-This is elegant.

-Really is.
-Take the chrono too?

-Are you sure?
-Of course.

Is all this shit free?

I'm gettin' that.

True Crime, New York City.

Pam has a huge crush on you.

Thanks, Pam.

So Kingsley, they do this all the time?

-It's Sir Ben, actually.
-Sorry.

A couple of times a year, mainly
clustered around award seasons.

How is that even fuckin' possible?

I know. It's embarrassing, isn't it?

-I know I have one of these.
-Shelly from iRiver.

I don't know if you have this one.

It's got 20 gigs of
space in a tiny package.

That's 80 hours of video
or 600 hours of music.

Shelly, can I get one of these?

-Here you go, Sir Ben.
-Thank you, Shelly.

Sir Ben, you've got a
meeting with Doug in 10, so…

Hey, guys,

looks like I ate up all our time here.

What do you say we catch up in New York?

You got a lot of tables left.

We're gonna make that work, Sir Ben.

They're giving away a Caddy over there!

Well, no, it's just a test-drive
for a couple of weeks.

You know, my family gave me
some sunglasses for Christmas

so why don't you have these?

I bet they'll look great on you, Chris.

I don't know. You think?

Sir Ben, can we get a shot?

The thing, the Arabs.

Chris wanted me to take
care of you while he's away.

Cecil B DeMoltisanti there.

-This is one week?
-Yeah, Murmur caught some big ones.

You're going to see your
girlfriend over at Vesuvio?

Yeah.

All right.

Uh…

Give this to Artie. Put it on my tab.

We're not here to accuse anybody,

'cause Mainie and I like
to think of you all as family.

And this is very serious.

It is, but know that as family

you'll be treated with respect

and, if need be, forgiveness.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Hector, and you, mustache…

You got something to say?

We have no intention of pressing
charges. It's just gotta stop.

That's all we want. Any questions?

Understand this is not about
a 42-ounce jar of Moroccan olives

or a couple of rolls
of toilet paper here.

-This is our livelihoods.
-Are you looking at me?

Nobody's looking at anybody.

-I didn't take the toilet paper.
-But the olives?

I'm joking here.

I'm just saying if you
don't come clean to us,

those investigators,

well, they just might
question the honesty

of somebody that wears a coat

-pulled from the lost-and-found.
-Fuck this!

-No, fuck you!
-Arthur…

I don't know which one of
you pieces of shit did this,

-but I've been good to you!
-…getting us nowhere.

And you pay me back
with nonstop ass-rape!

Well fuck all of you! [DISHES CRASHING]

You know what? Just forget it.

I… I'm so sorry, everybody.

Um, could you just get this
cleaned up so we can open? Thanks.

No no. It's very bad.

They had the credit card police.

Those companies are huge.

They come on tough, but
in the end, they gotta eat it.

Okay.

[GRINDING CIGARETTE]

Everything okay in there?

For once I'd like to eat without
you getting a call from work.

Ah.

[BIRDS TWITTERING]

God damn it.

[MUG THUMPS]

[GUN FIRES]

[DOG BARKING]

Motherfucker.

Arthur!

What do you want, a repeat
performance of the Fourth of July?

That cop told you,

no firing guns in the borough limits.

I brought those arugula seeds

all the way back from
Italy in my shaving kit.

[SIGHS]

-[POUNDING AT DOOR]
-Eden, get the fuck out of there!

-Fuck off.
-I wasn't going through your purse!

I was movin' it and it fell.

Go fuck yourself, you guinea bastard!

Good afternoon, Mr. Moltisanti.

Room 812, please.

[PHONE RINGING]

-Yes.
-Hey, Sir Kingsley.

It's Chris Moltisanti from yesterday?

I spoke with Jay

and he's working on that
New York meeting right now.

Fine, but that's not what
I'm calling about, though.

That luxury lounge thing,
can you get me in there?

I don't know. My publicist
handles all that stuff.

-So, can you call 'em?
-I don't know

how my publicist can help you, you know?

All right.

Yeah, in the city then.
My partner went back.

Friend of his died recently. Guy's wife

is having a breakdown. He'll call you.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

That's security, Eden! They're
gonna blow that door open!

Fuck you!

-Fuck.
-I know, I gotta get it together.

Black truffle doesn't have the
intensity of white so you gotta use more.

I'll be at my investing club at
the Learning Annex with my cell

if you have to call, but try not to.

Sandy, about the meeting…

-Oh, everybody knows you're upset.
-I know.

But Alonzo's coat, you
told me that in confidence.

I thought you needed to know.

I also think… well,
it's probably nothing,

but yesterday Martina was
showing off these Caovilla sandals.

I know she makes more than me,

but they cost like $600.

You should get back to the coatroom.

Hold on a second. I
wanna ask you something.

-I knew it.
-I'm sorry. I'll pay you back.

-How could you do this to me?
-You were so mean to me.

Like helping you find the
apartment? Teaching you to drive?

As soon as you found out I wasn't going
to fuck you, you started picking on me.

I wanna fuck you? You certainly
have a high opinion of yourself.

You stare at me like food.

Well I never fuck you.

-I go to Benny and we laugh at you…
-Benny.

…when I fuck him in the pile of money

that we take from your stupid customers.

-You're fired.
-[SPEAKS ALBANIAN]

Oh yeah? Oh, who's laughing now?

What do you think? I can't press charges
'cause of my friendship with Tony?!

Three months you worked here!

You think that doesn't go
on your permanent record?!

We lead the world in
computerized data collection!

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

Artie, you know what time it is?

-We need to talk.
-Now?

My wife is pregnant. She needs to sleep.

Martina told me about your
little credit card business.

-Step outside, Ben.
-[DOOR RATTLES]

I'll be outside a minute, honey.

Look.

You're upset, all right?

But it's not my fault
that little trick got greedy.

Oh, so she's a little trick, huh?

I was gonna cut you in,
but now you're acting stupid.

Regular people are all fucking stupid.

[CHUCKLES]

You want some more?!

Piece of dogshit! Little, crazy,

motherfucking meatball dogshit!

Yeah, I'm stupid.

[ALARM HONKS]

[ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING]

[ELEVATOR DINGS, DOORS OPEN]

Ho! There he is.

How you doing?

-Great, thanks.
-This is Murmur.

-You heading to the pool?
-Massage.

Oh.

Listen. You get a chance to call
about that luxury lounge for me?

Well, it's like I explained…

There's nothing very
much I can do about it.

-They decide whom they give it to.
-Very important people,

like you, right? 'Cause
you're a very important person.

To them, I guess.

Murmur's an interesting
name. What's the genesis?

I had a heart murmur when I was a kid.

They just keep handing stuff out, huh?

The coolest shit in the world

to the people who need it the least.

Look. I think you've
misunderstood something.

I give most of that stuff away

to homeless shelters, the
rest I give to charity auctions.

-Not to your godson?
-I agree with you,

the whole thing's
obscene, and it's nothing

compared to the situation at award shows.

Presenters get about
$30,000 worth of merchandise

in those baskets.

That's a year's salary for some people.

Go figure.

Hopefully we can spread
some of that lolly around.

We'll get you that script.

Hell of a tub here, guys.

Sea, sun. I'm gonna
make it my second home.

-Anybody else hungry? Huh?
-We'll get lunch started.

-Artie, another margarita?
-I could say no, but I won't.

[CHUCKLES]

You lost your fucking mind?

The shit you're in with that kid,
which you brought on yourself.

Brought on myself? Oh, I suppose you let

a certain element into your
world, you're asking for it.

-Oh!
-Jesus fucking Christ, Tony,

how could you pull that scam at my place?

Come on, you know I never
would've let that happen if I'd known.

You're innocent, I get
it. I'm just another victim

-of Benny Fazio, criminal mastermind.
-That's right.

And once you found out,
instead of putting him in the E.R.,

you should've come to me. He
says he's gonna kill you, Artie.

I can't take American Express now, Ton'.

You know what that means? I
have to start with the fucking two-fers.

My accountant insisted. Are you happy?

Life's not fair. Right, I know.

But somehow I believed my
dad's crap about honest work.

He used to say to me, "You'll see.

Pays off in the end."

What a joke.

I hate to see you like
this, you know that.

'Cause you start thinking crazy shit.

Who's hungry?

[PHONE RINGING]

-Yeah?
-Ben Kingsley passed.

Fuck.

You know, I tried to be his friend,

I sent a muffin basket with the script,

I tried everything.

You can kill me after if you want,

-but he's a fucking dead man.
-Calm down, Ben.

He came to my house, Tony,
where my wife was watching TV.

My wife, who's carrying my unborn son.

I'm gonna take him to
that warehouse in Paterson

-and drive fucking…
-Nails into his balls. I know.

I heard you the first time.

-You're having a son, huh?
-They showed us his cannoli

on the ultrasound like a month ago.

That's beautiful.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

I'm gonna tell you this once…

It's over. You drop it.

And frankly you should be
very happy I'm not gonna tax you.

I mean beside the fact you
know I grew up with the man,

you don't shit where you eat.

And you really don't shit where I eat.

I know, and I'm sorry about that, but…

And your parents' anniversary party?

It's not going to be at Da
Giovanni's. It's gonna be at Vesuvio.

What? Tony, look at my face.

He's going to apologize
to you, and give you a rate.

He's hurtin' too. And
it's the least you can do.

Well Ms. Bacall, your
limo is second in line there.

Oh, well I can take it from here.

-You sure?
-Yeah, thank you so much.

-Okay, you're welcome.
-Good night.

Night.

-Get the fuck away from me!
-What are you doing?!

[CAR SCREECHING]

Somebody help us!

Those guys!

Ms. Bacall, don't move.

Yes, an ambulance by Robinsons-May.

Oh Jesus, my fucking arm.

-[MEN SPEAKING ITALIAN]
-[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

-Hmm?
-No.

There's a line outside.

[ARTIE CLAPS]

Okay, push the scampi. Wholesaler
says they gotta get eaten tonight.

And don't spread out too much. We still
got the Fazio party in the banquet room.

Okay, Sandy. Open the door.

Hello. Welcome.

Do you have low-salt selections?

Ahem… [SOFT ROCK N' ROLL PLAYING]

Ma, Pop, order whatever you want.

I'm having that loin of veal.

That's the other place, Ma.

This the young couple?

Yes, my mom and dad.

Cent'anni!

-Hundred years!
-Cent'anni!

Well, I hope you all enjoy.
You're all set for wine, cocktails?

-Nothing?
-Fine, thanks.

Benny, can I get you a Martina?

-Excuse me?
-A Martina.

It's like a Martini,
but it's from Albania.

Hmm. I never heard of it.

Well, apparently they go down real easy.

Right, Ben?

We're gonna look at the menu.

Good enough.

-You order for me.
-Fine. The monkfish.

There's such a strange consistency.

[MAN SPEAKING SPANISH]

-Ow!
-In front of my wife?!

[ARTIE SCREAMING] Fuck!

Jesus! Fuck, my hand!

Shit! Oh God! Oh fuck!

[CONTINUES SCREAMING] Fuck! My hand!

Oh my God! Oh my God!

Oh my God, Arthur!
Somebody call 911 please!

Look at this.

I had no idea. I'd have
booked another flight.

Fuck.

Where is everybody?

My father-in-law don't wanna come.

Him and Carm aren't speaking.

-How's the meathook?
-Had to be my fuckin' saute hand, huh?

Why, you got an okay crowd here today.

Sunday pasta's the last thing to go.

The place is on life-support
ever since word got out

to the regulars about their credit cards.

And my staff is pissed
off about Martina leaving.

Benny did a real number here, Tony.

Who knows? Maybe it's
cursed. The fire, then this.

Will you stop talkin' like an old lady?

-Artie.
-No go, huh?

He's just being dramatic.

-How are you, sweetie?
-Better.

And Carm, the flowers…

Tonight, only the best

for the best people.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

[SOUNDING OUT MENU]

Hmm, that's excellent.

[MUMBLING]

Hey, be careful you two,

because the way you two
are looking at each other,

pretty soon we'll have to
put a high chair over here.

Like the icing on a cake, okay? Capisce?

Keep your thumbs out of the food.

We gotta talk about your problem.

Oh, great. Another idea.

How 'bout a strolling accordionist?

I'm gonna give you the
name of a good psychiatrist.

She's Italian. You'll like her.

You know what? You go
about in pity for yourself.

-I go about in pity for myself?
-Yeah.

I gotta tell you, Bodhisattva,

that is fucking priceless.

Use the other door.

You bitch and you moan and you blame

everybody else for your problems,

instead of maybe… not letting the
Mexicans do all the cooking for you

or, I don't know, changing the
menu or changing the decor.

I guess because you know how to
eat, you know how to run a restaurant.

On one of the bleakest nights of my life,

after the shit with my mother
and that fuckin' storm outside,

I came here to this place.

I sat out there with Carm and my two kids

and we ate and we drank and
we were so happy to be here,

more than any other place in the world.

And you know I'm gonna
eat here until I fall off the chair.

But in business, sometimes shit happens.

The playing field changes, whatever.

And you gotta do whatever
you gotta do to keep your dick up.

If you hate it here so much,
why don't you go to Da Giovanni?

See if he'll cook you that bland
shit for your shot-up pancreas.

I'll tell you one thing

and this is very hard…

Nobody wants to hear you talk.

They're trying to eat out
there and you come along

with your corny jokes
and your stupid stories.

Just stay in the kitchen.

That'd be a start.

Hey.

You wouldn't believe what
these people in the business get,

totally fuckin' absolutely gratis.

Yeah, I hear the streets
are paved with hand jobs.

Right. I scored some major swag.

A little taste for you.

Trip to Australia, first-class vouchers,

some kind of golf resort.

Looks like Sarasota.

After what, a 20-hour flight? No.

That's for a pocket dog.

How'd it go with the movie star?

He was all over us, but
I don't think he's right.

We made some great contacts.
Plus we saw Lindsay Lohan.

Total piece of ass.

You hear Artie burned his hand?

Yeah. Him and Benny. How crazy is that?

-He okay?
-A layer of skin

came off his hand like a glove.

But, they said, you know,
no scarring, no grafts.

-Lucky.
-Hmm.

Well, not for nothin'. I
couldn't help but thinkin'

if you were here watching your crew,

things wouldn't have
gone the way they did.

You let me go, T.

I asked you. Now it's my fault
Artie and Benny got into it?

This is what I was concerned
about, Christopher, the loss of focus.

Look…

Not many guys have had to
make the kind of sacrifice I did.

How many times you
gonna play the Adriana card?

Sandy just seated a couple.

Kitchen's closed.

He said they were supposed to go
to the city but they had car trouble.

Hector already left to pick up his wife.

Plus I got nothing back here, Charm.

They already opened the bottle.

They're gonna have
to eat what I give them.

Arthur, a lot of
people don't like rabbit.

My grandfather's way.

Only with Provençal
elements I been thinking about.

I thought you were taking
it to him at the home.

Okay… out. I wanna
get outta here tonight.

[SIZZLING]

[BREATHES]

[ITALIAN FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]

[SPEAKING ITALIAN] For my mom.

A store on the 57th Street?

If you bought this in Naples?

The weak dollar.

Mont Blanc. Actually cheaper in the US