Original subtitles

[Alec] What is this?

It's cheese.

I'm not kidding.

There's cheese on the car.

[Hilaria] I worry about Alec because we were living

with so much stress for such a long time

that his OCD has gotten even worse.

[Alec] Calming cleans me, and my cleaning calms me.

[Hilaria] You know, the past few years have been very hard.

[Alec] The opportunities for jobs have been so few and far between.

Lot of people were-- Lot of people cut my throat.

A lot of people cut my throat in my business.

I mean, they were like, "Hey." [chuckles softly] Gone.

People say to me, "Oh, God, now you can go back

to your life and I go-- "Go back to my life?"

I don't want to go back to my life.

I want a different life now.

I think it's human nature to retreat and run and hide.

Because what you're feeling inside is so awful.

We don't process something and we go--

But this is how I'm gonna process it.

This is how.

You can't just stuff everything down.

[Alec] I am someone that is the direct result

of what I've been going through lately.

But you don't go, "Simon says." [snaps fingers]

"Back to normal."

It takes a long time.

It takes longer than I imagined.

- [camera shutter clicks] - [Alec] What are you doing?

[Hilaria] Just ignore him. He's not worth it.

Don't let him ruin this beautiful day.

[Alec] I've had my skirmishes with paparazzi,

and I've had my, you know, problems.

My relationship with my daughter, Ireland

was so negatively impacted by my divorce from her mother

that the media really were having a party, just insanity.

And really, really tough.

One of my most regrettable things about the whole thing was how it affected Ireland.

[Hilaria] Oh, hello.

[Alec] They want to come in, wash their hands and face,

get a snack and a drink and go in the hot tub.

[Hilaria] Excellent.

Hello, Tiny friend with new shoes.

[overlapping chatter]

[Hilaria straining]

One.

- Two. - You'll have to wash up if you want the hot tub...

[imperceptible]

Alec and I are rarely apart.

Where are you going, Butt crack?

[Hilaria] But also we are very rarely alone,

especially when you have seven kids,

[in English]

[Hilaria] Why? Give me a hug. Tell me.

[in English]

Why did he make you so sad?

What happened?

[Alec speaking indistinctly at a distance]

[Hilaria] What happened?

Um, um, um...

[in English]

[Hilaria] Why?

[in English]

- [Hilaria] He's being "Neelo"? - Yeah.

- [Hilaria speaking] - [Lulu speaking]

She says, she's mad at you because you're being Neelo.

What is ne-- I don't know, Neelo is but--

What is Neelo? You said "Dady you Neelo?

[blows raspberry]

She's mad because she didn't want to sit--

She didn't want to sit in the back.

I said, "Go and sit in the back."

We had an extra person.

We had no seats. We had no seat for...

- Um... - [Hilaria] Mmm-hmm. You're sad,

- you had to sit in the back? - [Alec speaks indistinctly]

[in English]

Um...

[blows raspberry]

How do we deal-- How do we deal with a meltdown?

Please answer the question.

You don't take it personally.

Don't take a meltdown personally.

They're gonna yell. They're gonna yell sometimes.

Oh. my God, we had seven kids.

Surprise. They're gonna yell. Get over it.

Well, I've learned, um... uh, you know,

- from myself and other people. - [cat meowing]

That children melting down is better

then the opposite.

Where the kid keeps everything inside

and is in the corner.

And is just grinding his teeth or her teeth

and just really, really far away.

So I'd rather have them

screaming at me for an hour.

A couple of times a week, maybe.

[screaming]

[screaming]

No! [crying hysterically]

[screaming and crying]

More or less [chuckles] maybe less.

You call me Neelo?

You know what I say to you?

I say, [blows raspberry] Neelo.

- [Hilaria] Why? Why are you mad at him? - I'll come over there

and bite you.

[blows raspberry]

[upbeat music playing]

[Dan] What are you cooking, Hilaria?

I don't really know yet.

I'm just gonna make things.

[Dan] There's some peppers in there.

- [Hilaria] There are peppers and Shishito peppers. - [Dan] Do you grow stuff here?

We do. We have a whole beautiful garden that I just went to

and got all this stuff from.

[Alec] You and Brendan, like fresh vegetables out of the garden.

I don't-- I don't like picking this stuff.

But I like eating it.

I love having a full house.

I always grew up with a very big full house.

I think is one of the reasons I had so many kids.

And what I love even more

is when the house is even fuller.

And so two of our friends are coming to visit us.

[Alec] I want to prove that I actually have friends

who are adult men

who have careers and are intelligent people,

I thought of all just, you know, scraping gum off my rug all day long.

[Hilaria] When you go to therapy,

it's about self-awareness.

It's about release.

It's about moving through things.

So when I see him with his friends,

I think that this is going to be a big part

Of our healing journey is to

grow and walk forward with the people

who stood with us the entire time.

And I'm just so grateful to them.

[Brendan] I was like, "Oh, that's nice. Alec got me a robe."

He gave me a bathrobe for Christmas

Is it in your apartment

- at you house? - [Dan] Does it have a monogram on it.

- or is it just-- - [Alec] It is in your house you didn't leave it--

[Brendan] But I looked very regal in it.

[Dan] You can't not look regal in a robe, though.

It's nice to watch him chat with them,

- connect with them. - [imperceptible]

I always hear funny and interesting stories.

[Brendan] The story that I think is kind of amazing.

What we were doing before you met her.

Wait. Are you talking about when we meet?

Do you remember that night?

Of course, I do.

That's a very vivid night.

When I met my wife,

oh my God! Oh my God! It was just magical.

I met your mother in a restaurant in New York City.

She was with two friends of hers.

I was with my friend Brendan.

We're at this place and with my two girlfriends,

and we're drinking a glass of wine.

And my friend, she hit me.

She, like, whacked me. She said,

"Hilaria, [shushes] Alec Baldwin is looking at you."

[in English]

I knew who he was because I had seen Working Girl

a few times because Yaya really liked Working Girl.

So I leaned over and he was looking at me.

And I winked at him because that's like the cringiest

thing that you could possibly do.

But you know what? I was like at least one glass of wine in

And when I was leaving, I had to walk right by him.

And he took my hand and he said, "Who are you?

I must know you.

And I was like, "Okay, well, at least now he's being cringe too."

Because that's like a really bad line.

It worked like magic.

Look at it. Look at us now.

And then you said, "Where are you from?

And I said, "I'm from Boston."

And you're like, "No, you're not."

I was like, "Actually, I am."

And then that was like an omen of what was to come.

I mean, it's...

It's uh, these chance meetings, these chance moments

that everybody has in their life, they're pretty...

They're pretty fascinating.

[in English]

And now seven kids.

[Alec] I liked her on sight.

Obviously, our age difference is...

...there.

I'm always insecure.

Even though when I went to have dinner with him,

I felt it was a big deal

for somebody to bring me out to dinner.

I was in the land of you split the check

and it was a big deal that he you know, paid for dinner.

You know, I didn't take that lightly.

And then he just texted back.

"What do you think about dating somebody who's 26 years older than you?"

And I was like, "Oh..."

Uh, she did date people who were age appropriate for her.

When I met her, she was very young.

So they're very young and I meet them

and I was like, you know,

"Okay, I get it. You know, they're very handsome and very super fit guys,

and they're about as interesting as watching, you know,

the grass grower.

It's one of the things I really appreciate about him

that he was very like, into consent,

very things, like he asked to kiss me for the first time.

Because he kept on making plans about our future, and I was like...

"I want to marry you and have seven children.

May I kiss you?"

But I wanted to have my kids

and they-- I wanted them to look good.

- And that's why-- - You wanted to have a baby with a good looking--

- I wanted to have a baby with a good looking guy. - [Alec] You know how funny--

You could have been like anybody.

You were the first good looking guy that walked up to me.

- So I was like, "Okay, could even do." - I'm the first good guy.

[laughs]

[in English]

No. Well--

I mean,

I wouldn't date an actor.

when he was an actor,

I dated an actor who then got to be on Broadway.

And we went to go see him naked.

I've seen one of the loves of her life naked.

Not the love of my life.

He was one of the loves of her life.

He was a very important boyfriend of hers.

And we want to go see him on Broadway.

And he was naked in his whole--

As our British friends say, 'He had his bits out."

You want to go see, Take me out he musical

that our dear friend Scott Ellis directed

and all these baseball players were in the locker room.

And they were all turning around naked,

with their dongs hanging out.

I'm- And he's there, her boyfriend

and I recognize him, I went over

And he turns around with his personality hanging, I'm like,

"Oh, oh."

[giggling]

"Oh. Okay."

He had, like a clarinet hanging from his pants.

The guy literally turns around and we were all like, "Ah!

- Ah!" - [laughs hysterically]

"Whoa!

How can you remember this more than I do?

And when you meet him backstage,

we go out into the lobby,

we meet them all and her boyfriend comes.

And I'm like, "Hey, how you doing?"

[bleep]

And I was like, "I'm going to stay over here."

And you can't pay attention to a word he's saying.

He's standing right here talking me.

I'm standing looking at him and going...

Then he's looking at me and going.

Yeah, you know the show and this and that and this.

And I'm like, "You have, like,

a baseball bat that you stuff into your pants every day.

How does that work for you?"

Well, let's move on from that chapter.

- [in English] - [laughing]

[laughing]

I felt it had to be told it had to be told.

[Hilaria] Summer is so fun

and back to school always comes in full force

and you can't even, you know,

you're either enjoying yourself

and you're like, "Oh, my God,

they are starting school soon."

Even though school is weeks away,

we have to go into the city

and we have to get some stuff done.

Wait, Mom,

[in Spanish]

Can we get ice cream?

No. [chuckles softly]

Guys, we're going to the dentist.

We can't have sugar before the dentist.

Living in the city with the kids is challenging.

Getting them around where I can talk to you about the traffic

and this and that. It's not easy.

It's expensive, all that stuff.

But my kids, I mean, I said,

I always look at my kids, birth certificates,

and like-- and-- and it says, "Born in Manhattan."

You know, all my kids are born in New York.

They are New Yorkers.

Except for Ireland.

Right. I'm not saying she's born in L.A.

Which is pretty much the same, but they love New York.

My kids love New York. They love it.

[bleep]

[laughing]

[Carmen] Now your one year old knows it.

Literally, you guys,

Carmen, you didn't know swears for so long.

- I learned them when I was six. - [in English]

Okay? Okay.

You know we-- No.

We're gonna eat them. After the dentist.

[in English]

I knew ass.

- Okay. Stop- Stop using all the bad words. - [bleep]

[Hilaria] She will repeat everything. Stop.

The amazing thing about babies

is they don't repeat necessarily what you want them to--

[gasps]

No, Lulu. No.

That was the baby, right?

- No, she hit him. - Oh.

[Hilaria] Getting all the things that need to to be done

before school starts is hard.

It's hard. Everybody, every parent knows that.

Guys the other way.

With seven kids, I always have to be very organized.

With dentists,

I've-- Just bring them all in at one time.

Hello?

- Hi. - [man] Hello. Welcome.

All right.

[Hilaria] Good morning.

[man] It's balloon Tuesday.

- Oh, yeah. - I love balloon Tuesday.

[man] It's the best day.

It's interesting, there's always a balloon guy at the dentist.

Makes dentist so much better.

So is he a good brother?

Does he help you with your homework?

No.

Are you his lawyer?

Kind of.

My dentist now. There's no balloons.

I go there. I don't get to have a balloon

or any kind of prizes.

You go there and then get a teeth cleaning.

[woman] Hi Everyone.

- Hi. - [woman] Hi!

I'm gonna take Eduardo first if that's okay.

[Carmen] Can I go second, please?

- No, I'm-- I'm-- - [boy] He's first--

[woman] I will take whoever wants to go first.

Put up your hand.

I never had this problem.

[Hilaria] Bringing seven kids in to a dentist,

It's gonna be crazy.

Unlike a regular soccer ball, you keep it in the air.

Wait no.

[Carmen] That's so cool.

But fortunately, I have enough children

that there's typically no other children

in the entire office because we're occupying

all the chairs that they have there.

- So, we're gonna be creative. - [baby crying]

I know, Mama.

Taking seven kids to the dentist

is exactly like it sounds.

It's awful.

[baby crying]

[woman] My goodness. Let's take a second.

We can't have this.

[Hilaria] I'm gonna try to calm my muscles and take deep breaths.

Because I know I'm gonna need my strength for this.

[woman] It's gonna be so fast.

- We promised. - [Hilaria] So fast.

[woman] One, two, three. One, two, three.

[Hilaria] I know.

I turn it off sometimes.

I'll just like [chuckles] my brain, just like,

It turns off a little bit.

And so there's just like pure chaos

and everybody's yelling and I'm just like, blinking sometimes. [chuckles]

[baby crying]

[woman] Her teeth are coming.

[indistinct conversation]

[woman] All right, senor eo.

If anything hurts, you're gonna let me know right away.

I'm gonna hop right in.

Good talk.

BRB.

[Hilaria] Going to the dentist

with 7 kids is a lot.

[boy screaming]

[Hilaria] But I enjoy this chaos so much

that I don't want to be mad at it

while it's happening.

And it's just kind of like, "All right, go, go! Who's next?

[baby crying]

[indistinct chatter]

[Hilaria] Here, look at this. Look what it is.

You see? Can you see yourself in it?

It's just to see inside.

[in English]

- [Hilaria] Okay, mommy-- - [woman] Mommy will help me.

- [Hilaria] Mommy's gonna help. - [woman] All right?

We have to open so big so I can see.

The dentist has lots of toys,

so the kids think it's fun, way more fun

than when I was younger and going to the dentist.

I mean, why couldn't these kinds of dentists

exist when we were little?

[baby crying]

- [woman 1] I'm ready? - [woman 2] Hi.

[woman 3] How's brushing, going?

Brushing twice a day, morning at night?

[in English]

[woman 3] You do not!

[in English]

So now I do is I scrub his teeth.

Like once a week I do with a high smile

like fluoride treatments

with, like the charcoal purple thing.

[in English]

They look great. They look beautiful.

[woman] You see that little white stuff there?

- [in English] - You got it. Exactly.

So when you brush, I want you to stay there.

- [Carmen] I know. - [woman imitates electric tooth brush]

[woman] Go around. Don't go too fast.

- Okay. - [woman] Okay? Take your time.

You deserve two minutes.

You deserve more than two minutes.

- Okay? Beautiful. - Mmm-hmm.

[in English]

[Lulu] Mama.

They haven't seen you since you started losing teeth.

- It's really exciting. - I never saw her.

[Hilaria] You literally have been going to her since you were a baby.

I have pictures. I'll show you.

You've literally only gone to the dentist here your entire life.

[woman] Get them nice and clean.

So then that way we can get rid of the?

What did we learn today, Carmen?

[Carmen speaking]

Carmen And plaque causes what?

- Gingivitis. - [woman boisterously] Gingivitis

[in English]

- I learned that Carmen is [bleep] - [woman gasps]

- [Leo speaking indistinctly] - [woman] No, those are not. That's-- Leo?

[Alec] Carmen was the only child for a little over a year.

And then she had four brothers in a row,

and that, they had an effect on her.

Like I love them.

But couldn't they just be my cousins?

Couldn't they just live somewhere else?

Could they just be my cousins?

Actually, no. Lulu and the baby would stay

and that's it. All the boys...

I'll ship them off to Canada.

Why Canada, Carmen?

- Why? - That intrigues me.

Why Canada?

- I don't know. - You like some snowy outposts

- where there's no TV. - Canada or Mexico, whichever is far.

- Mexico. - Mexico, probably

because it's further from New York.

Can we get some lollipops, please.

[Hilaria] You guys say thank you so much.

and when they're-- next year,

- we'll talk about X-rays for them. - [Hilaria] Okay.

[baby crying]

[in English]

Alec is probably organizing back at home.

He's shifting things from one thing together.

[Alec] Always be cleaning, always be cleaning.

Oh, God!

[Hilaria] So, Alec,

when we went to the city, Alec stayed here

to get some of the projects

that he had wanted to do, done.

Part of that is his OCD.

And how he deals with his PTSD.

[Alec speaking]

This is really, really weird.

I'm having this carpet cleaned on Friday by the way.

[in English]

I can't wait.

I'm-- I'm-- I'm-- I was in tears a moment ago.

I tried to clean myself up and get myself ready for you.

I was crying up in the bathroom.

[in English]

Yeah.

I don't enjoy doing this.

I must say.

[Alec] Hello?

[Caroline] Hello?

I was just looking at all the parked strollers.

[Alec] We call it the Stroller Museum.

I love Caroline Rhea

as much as anybody I've ever met in this business

and became my friend.

She never stops making me laugh.

She's got all this--

She's got contemporary material that's funny,

and she's got old, corny old school jokes that she tells,

and we don't get to spend a lot of time with her

because she's in Los Angeles or on the road all the time.

When I did atch Game, I said, "Caroline Rhea

- has to be in as many shows as possible." - [Hilaria] Yeah.

And she was somebody who sat there who

not only did I know, I could rely on her,

and I could rely on her for something

uh, consistent and not nasty.

- Never ugly. - She's an amazing

- human being. - She's so funny.

I love her

to the ends of the earth.

[Caroline] Your floors are so shiny.

The floors are so shiny.

You're so skinny.

[Alec] She was my friend through the trial.

Didn't turn her back on me

like a lot of other people did.

I don't need anybody to take out an ad

in the Hollywood Reporter and support me or go online.

But she would call me and text me regularly.

Are you okay? I'm thinking about you.

She was so good to me.

We're gonna have-- We're gonna put wine cabinets in here in the refrigerator.

We're gonna call this the wine room? Literally.

The wine but how many children?

- That's how insane we were. - [laughs]

We were having. We were like, "Well, of course

we have to have a wine room.

And we had to add an H to it.

The "Whine room."

[laughing]

[Caroline] I've known Alec since I think,1997.

We really bonded in like a couple years later,

we sat next to each other at the USO.

Trying to figure out when I met you.

So my sister will probably kill me.

But we were going to the Sex and The City premiere in like,

- when was that show start '96, '97? - [Alec] Don't remember.

And my sister said, "The only person I want to meet is Alec Baldwin."

She'll kill me for telling you this, anyway.

So we go to that premiere and you come up to me and you're like,

and we were like this, gobsmacked you're like. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

And then you went like this. [chuckles]

You go, "Hi. I'm Alec."

And we were both ah-- All of us went ah-- And you went Baldwin.

Like we needed to know that.

Caroline and Alec together is magic.

- Magic-- No-- - No, I'll never be as funny as her.

No, you know what? You won't be as funny as her.

But, but she is very funny.

And you're funny with her.

Did you have The Bachelor?

Is that how you decided who your cameramen were?

- [chuckles] What-- - But my wife--

- Only handsome men. We'll be photographing us. - Yes. We have all.

We got, I see, I want one with a mustache.

I want one that looks like, Tom Selleck or a porn star

One that looks like a French painter over here.

Then I want one who can easily play professional soccer.

[in English]

Um, hilarious, artistic genius.

I won't tell the joke. I'll just tell the punchline,

which is all that matters is the gag.

You don't really care about the joke,

so you sit there and say, [clears throat]

"Then the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says,

'You're not really here to hunt Bear, are you?'"

[laughs hysterically]

[Alec speaking]

Thank you.

Well read, funny,

kind, devoted.

[whispers]

[Alec chuckles] Isn't it great? I love that.

You got to do it better than that. Come on.

You have to really, really pop it.

You have to do a bit better than that, Caroline.

He has a reputation of being like a hothead,

and he's actually a total softie, sensitive human being.

Who's like anally organized [chuckles]

and like lining up children's shoes

so that they match.

He's just like father first,

and he just calls it like he sees it.

All right, hold on. I have to do one.

I decided that I want to have a threesome.

I don't care if it's two men or two women.

I just want someone to hold my neck back.

There, you're right?

I like that.

[Hilaria] I was still in town with the kids,

and Alec's daughter, Ireland, happened to be in town

with her husband, Andre,

and their daughter, Holland.

Ireland is Alec's only child from his first marriage to Kim Basinger.

She grew up in LA but moved to Oregon

a few years ago and started a family.

I couldn't believe that they were the same height.

Her and Ilaria.

[Hilaria] I know it's totally true.

It's totally true.

My relationship with Ireland is

I feel like it's unique for a stepmom

and stepdaughter relationship.

'Cause that's technically what we are.

But first of all, I'm 11 years older than her.

I didn't raise her.

And we find tremendous humor in that.

And we always have found tremendous humor, so.

[imitating chewing] Thank you.

She's very into

chewing things up and putting it in your mouth.

Mmm-hmm. It's okay.

Since I'm your like Grandma, it's gonna be okay, right? Yeah.

I haven't seen Ireland in a long time

'cause we lived so far and, you know, we both had babies.

And even though Alec met his new baby granddaughter,

I haven't met Holland until this little trip.

And we facetime all the time and we talk all the time.

But we haven't actually met up.

And so we got all the kids together

for a playdate this morning.

Baby.

[Hilaria] It's so wonderful because we were pregnant together,

but just barely.

And so my baby is almost nine months older

than Ireland's baby.

But my baby is Holland's aunt,

And Holland is my baby's niece

- [Ireland] Spitting it out. - [Hilaria chuckles]

- Is that yucky? - [Ireland] Yeah.

- [baby cooing] - [Hilaria] Lucky you've got cool parents.

- We try really hard. [laughs] - [Andre chuckles] We try.

No, I mean, traveling. I feel like

- uh, it puts everything to the test for me. - Yeah, yeah.

And I've just been talking about this all day today.

Like, traveling with a kid is no, it's an Olympic event.

Like it's so...

[Hilaria] Horrible. I remember when-- I mean, I haven't

yet traveled on an airplane with all seven of them,

- but I'm terrified. - Yeah, I can-- Yeah.

No, I'm terrified.

- How can you even do that? - I don't know.

What you do is you and my dad should go sit in first Class.

And then go put them back all in one row

- and let them just-- - And say, "Carmen, you're in charge."

- [Ireland] You're like-- Yeah. - [all chuckling]

- Okay are we-- - You like that that you keep on doing it again.

- No, we're getting it wet. - Her favorite activity

- is eating something and spitting it out. - [laughing]

Before I was her stepmother, when I met her,

I first had a conversation with Alec, and I said,

"You know, if she doesn't like me, I'm not staying.

'Cause I'm not going to be wicked stepmother.

My place in life is not to come into a family.

And cause problems.

And I love you and I'm loving our relationship.

But I have too much respect for the family.

And she's like such an amazing person.

She immediately welcomed me.

It was so easy. We've never fought.

- [laughing] - Just want to spit everything out.

[whispers] That was so silly.

[Alec] My divorce with Ireland's mother was not easy.

It's not easy, very lengthy, very expensive.

I mean, just insanity. Just insanity.

I was on a plane.

Every other week, for all of the school year.

I flew back and forth from New York to Los Angeles

uh, 18 times a year.

We've got a house like eight doors down

from my daughter and her mother,

and I thought that would improve things

and it did not improve things.

So it became, as it was still, as difficult.

Unnecessarily difficult that way.

[Hilaria] But I was very lucky that I came into their family.

Kim, Alec and Ireland.

At a place where everybody had moved on

and there was a place of being settled.

So I got very lucky.

She has a mom that she has a very good relationship with.

And so my job wasn't to come in and parent.

Ireland had met girlfriends before of Alecs.

So I wasn't the next one.

She was in LA and Alec would travel there.

I mean, he is such a good dad and you see it with our kids.

He wants to be in his kid's lives.

How about your gorgeous little granddaughter?

- So cute. - Oh, my God!

- She's so cute. - So cute, yeah.

[in English]

I'm happy for her, too.

She looks so happy.

He's a great guy.

She's happy.

The baby is just...

...perfect.

I was going to ask, "Did you ever have the conversation

before you got married?

Like I want to have all of the children in the world.

Or just thought, "I'm gonna have three.

I want to repopulate the Earth.

[chuckles]

My wife, really, she's tough.

She is so on it and capable.

I admire her with every fiber of my being.

I have one child, and when I get it, all right, just once. I'm impressed.

Sounds good.

Sounds good.

[chuckles]

Sounds very good.

De Niro is in Italy on a boat.

I know this because I talked to Whoopi.

And Robert De Niro--

Is that not Robert De Niro that you were doing? [laughs]

Yes, but how do you know De Niro's summer plan?

- [Caroline] I know, it's very weird. - Yeah.

What's your next acting move?

- Me? - Yeah.

Um...

Uh...

[Caroline] What's your next acting move?

[Alec] Uh...

[in English]

[in English]

No. He's going to keep acting.

You know what? It's a defense.

He's gone through like a--

Hell, he's gonna act again. Of course he is.

He's a brilliant actor, like that's your purpose.

That's one of your many purposes.

Act and then father, every child on the planet.

Those are your two things that you were born to do.

What is your favorite movie of yours?

None.

I don't think about movies in terms of the movie and how it comes out.

I learned very early on to let that go.

However, the movie comes out, great.

I died, I cried because of this movie.

I think it was called [Alec reading]

They called me and said,

They're gonna get Tony Hopkins to play the lead.

I started crying.

Working with him. Oh, my God.

He was... People say that movie

was the greatest experience of my life.

- Ah. It was. - Oh.

My sister flies to come stay with me for a week.

My sister goes.

[whispers]

And I go, sure. And I walk over and I go,

"Tony, may I bother you for a moment?"

And he's like, "Yes, of course."

And he gets up and stands. But I go, "Tony,

This is my sister Beth. This is Anthony Hopkins."

And give me your hand.

And Tony goes, "Elizabeth, my great pleasure to meet you."

- [Caroline chuckles] - And he kisses her hand.

She's married for 25 years and literally she's like:

[groaning]

I could hear every single story that he has to tell.

Even if I've heard him before,

I could absolutely hear it again.

There's a part of me that I want to go out the way I came in.

- I came in-- - Naked and screaming?

Naked and screaming blue.

Is there a chance you can slap me?

Slap my [bleep]

[laughs heartily]

I love those Bald weenies.

That's all I can say.

Tie that umbilical cord around my neck

and stuff me inside. Well, never mind.

[Hilaria] Say, "Pipa pick up the phone."

Peppa is Pipa?

- Pipa. - Pipa.

We call my mom Meemaw. She hates it.

[all laughing]

[Alec] Because my relationship with Ireland

was so negatively impacted by my experience.

There getting divorced from her mother.

That when it comes to these other kids,

and I bring all that baggage into this situation.

Sadly, this is why I think I'm so focused

on parenting on this to this,

uh, this level of you will being around a lot

and taking them to school most days, instead of working.

Watch, he's, like, napping right now or something.

- [phone line ringing] - [kissing]

Say, "Where are you?"

Say, "Pick up the phone."

[Alec on phone]

Hi. FaceTime us.

No, we're at Emporio.

I had my daughter, Ireland, and she was a little kid

and, you know, making an only child happy

has its own unique set of concerns.

After my divorce,

her mother and I were working all the time.

You know, and Ireland usually went with her mother.

[indistinct chatter]

[Ireland] Who's that?

- [Hilaria] Who's that? - [Alec] Are you troubling Mommy?

She's like, "I wanna get down."

She's gonna throw it right at people.

You can't throw it back.

Thank you.

Thank you!

He has to say my last name like that.

Why do you always say both names?

- You have to say our last name like we don't know. - Like, "Not to be confused

with the other Irelands that we all know?

- [baby moans] - [Ireland mimicking] Oh!

- Yeah, it's so beautiful. - Mm-hmm. Thank you.

- [Andre] I agree. - I really like it.

I know.

I know. I hope that we all get to be together soon.

I think it's good.

Ireland is...

Got a great situation.

She met a great guy. We love him.

Love him. Really good guy.

Her baby is gorgeous.

- Uh, which is not... - [Hilaria] Funny.

- Funny and really interesting. - Fits right in with our kids.

She's one of us.

- Well... - Yeah.

Well, that was a choice to be there. Okay?

[Alec] Yeah, we do the best we can.

And the real glue there is Hilaria.

Okay, take... Wait, take a photo. Take a photo.

- This is so cute. - Oh, oh.

- Okay, it's over. - [Alec] Over here, you little baby.

Dada.

Yeah. That's...

"Dada," close enough.

- All right. Love you. Bye. - Bye.

Oh, my God.

I remember when I met you,

you were really into volleyball, and it was very impressive.

- Thank you. - One time, your dad,

when we first started dating,

he went with you to Florida

- and took... Do you remember this? - That's a story.

And he took, like, all these photos,

and he was like, "This is my daughter

- and I'm so proud of her." - [Ireland] Cute.

He's just, like,

- I mean, like... - Aww.

he's like, worshiped, worshiped you.

- Still does, but... - He actually got asked to leave my game.

[laughs]

Because he told this ref off so bad.

- Oh, my God. He was that... - And this ref was terrible.

Like this ref was, truthfully,

being borderline, like, abusive to some of the girls.

And my dad just, of course, let him have it.

That was actually one time, though, where I was, like,

- like, "That's awesome." - Yeah.

Did I tell you? He usually has a point.

When he gets upset about something, he usually has a point.

He just doesn't always convey it in the right way.

- Oh, yeah. Exactly. - It's like, he's just

- is, like, straightforward. - It's like a toddler

in Target, getting dragged out by their mom

because they have big feelings.

[Hilaria] Ireland has really found herself

through getting to know herself, if that makes sense.

I'm quite proud of her

and I look to her to learn, myself.

Is she sleeping in bed with you guys?

- Or do you... - Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Which is, I think, amazing.

But also comes with its own... [laughs]

- Yeah. She turns like a clock all night. - Yeah. Yeah.

And he wakes up with, like, a foot in his mouth

- every morning. - [Andre] Yeah.

Goodness! I'm so happy to spend time with you.

You come to Vermont and we'll all have Christmas together.

They have festivals there where all the kids get to throw hay at each other.

It's the most fun thing ever.

- It sounds so fun. - It's literally so fun.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Cheers.

- To you. - To you.

- And you. - You.

- And to you and to you. - To you!

To all of us.

Oh, my God, she's so cute.

So we're back here. So isn't Fresh Pond beautiful?

Yeah.

Like, I mean, when really the tide goes out,

- we call it "poopy town." - Call it poopy town.

It's not really animal... excrement.

- That's really... - I think it is.

You said it is. It's impossible.

- I know, it really is. - You know which animals...

- It'd have to be a million birds? - Can I tell you what it is?

It's like the geese.

- And it's like... - It's not that.

- It's like geese season or something. - No.

- Yes, it is. It's totally geese poop. - It's not, it's not, it's not.

You walk through there, honey. It's muck from... It's dirt

and sediment from a moving body of water.

Honey, you'd have to be shooting a remake of The Birds.

- And have them all flock here and poop. - It smells so bad,

it's definitely poop.

It's not poop.

[Hilaria] Now that I'm back from the city,

I want to focus on our marriage

and trying to connect with each other.

Not just about planning, and problem-solve and all the bad.

Uh, to the right maybe.

No, I'm just gonna park right here.

As much as we focus on Alec and his career,

or the kids,

I want to talk about what we enjoy

to reconnect on a different level

that is not just fight or flight.

Shouldn't you go for a nice beach walk with me?

[seductively] Sure.

[Hilaria] It's beautiful.

It's so pretty.

We used to take the boat, a long time ago,

and we would go to Montauk or to Greenport

and we would dock and we'd eat, we'd have lunch.

Hilaria is somebody, when I met her,

she's the happiest, most content.

When I first met her, and I go to her yoga class in the village,

you go in there, all these women were walking up to her,

to the class, very quietly, hugging her.

I always say... This makes me cry and I don't wanna cry,

but, um, I'll never forget,

one or two women said, "You know, I have cancer.

And the only time in my life I really, really feel

that I can leave that outside the door

is when I come here to your class.

I can really freely forget about it for an hour."

And I died when that woman said that. I died.

I didn't kiss my wife the first month I knew her.

I didn't wanna go that way.

I thought, I didn't wanna, you know...

I remember sitting there going... [sighs]

"Do I wanna pull her into this?" You know?

It's a strap.

Don't want any animal to get trapped in that.

What's this over here? A lot of this is nets.

Look at this.

Oh, God.

Look at that.

Ugh.

I'll put that over here in a pile.

Alec, with his OCD, you know, cleaning everything.

It's not something you can turn on and turn off.

He's gonna do it no matter what.

[Alec] Look at this. See this?

Okay, that literally has hair and I'm gonna...

Martha Washington's hair type.

Look at this bottle cap.

Look at that.

Probably Franklin Roosevelt had a Coca-Cola here or something.

[Alec] There's a straw.

Oh, there's also some socks over there, if you want to pick those up.

This is why you're gross, Alec.

'cause then you're gonna touch it, you don't have...

You're supposed to do this with gloves on.

I hope that person's sock doesn't have, like, warts on his feet or something.

- You're gonna have warts on your hand. - [Alec] Okay.

Okay. It's been out here being purified in the bleaching sun.

There's a cigarette butt. That's disgusting.

You see the stuff in your hand?

You can put it in the pile.

- And collect on the way back. - Why... I don't wanna do that.

Why?

- 'Cause you wanna bring it-- - 'Cause while we're walking down...

Because you wanna bring it home.

...an animal could come and get choked in the rubber.

But is it because you wanna bring that home?

- Am I gonna find that in one of the jars? - Have I ever brought

the garbage home with me?

I found some of the garbage from the beach in my garbage can.

I empty my pocket every day of garbage.

The kids' candy wrappers are everywhere.

They're in cornfields 10 miles from here.

Did you see a plastic cap just now?

[Hilaria] Plastic?

I do not see garbage here. It actually

- looks pretty clean. - Goddamn it! I'm the John Muir of Long Island.

You must have been walking here already

'cause I don't see any garbage.

[laughing] "Must've been here..."

- You already went and cleaned it. - "'Cause there's no..."

- That was a good line. - Was it?

"You must've been here earlier today, 'cause

- there's no garbage out." - It's so clean.

If I'm not mistaken, as I was taught as a child,

Long Island was formed by glaciers coming down from the north.

[Hilaria] And Alec, sometimes he'll have his things that he'll say,

you know, the history of Long Island and this and that and this.

Drawing a map, he'll put different things, different places.

You see that land there, way up there?

This goes up and that's the bay.

And then land goes like this, and then it drops like this.

And becomes like a paddle of a canoe.

It's called Napeague

and it goes all the way out to Montauk Point.

[Hilaria] Alec and I have been married for 12 years,

so I've heard a lot of the stories already.

So I'll just stop paying attention.

And I'll sit there and I'll smile

and I just get very quiet.

[Alec] My wife is very good at this.

She tunes out...

deeper than I thought was possible.

What's famous about this area, honey? You tell me.

And then, he'll ask me something, I'm like...

"I wasn't paying attention to any of it."

He's also like he wants to show me, like,

certain parts of the island out

and he's like, "And that part it is... blah, blah, blahs island.

And that part is, duh, duh, duh."

I won't remember any of it ever.

And I think embracing that as well is extremely important.

We're on Little Albert's,

not to be confused with Big Albert's.

Next is, uh, crabby town.

And beyond crabby town is poopy town.

- And beyond poopy town [laughing] is jumping town. - Is our house.

You remember when I first came out here with you?

Hmm?

Easter, 2011.

And it was, like, a great weekend.

You had me come out, we went to church.

And I was really sick.

And I was trying to hide it because you were...

I didn't want you to think that I was too tired or anything.

And you were driving me around all of this area,

and you're giving me this entire history lesson.

And you were drawing your maps

and putting your hand up

and trying to explain everything.

And I'm just like... [groans]

But you were fascinating,

and I decided to get married to you.

[Alec] It's been very, very tough for her.

You know, everything that supported me and helped me was muted.

Everything that hurt me and cost me was amplified, by the media.

She's married to this.

And I, for a while, this past year,

I fully expected her to sit down with me and say,

"I don't think I can do it anymore."

I fully expected her to present me with that idea.

It was possible.

It was... A lot of other people have done it.

You know, they just... You get into a situation,

and I would've understood, kind of, 'cause I don't want her to suffer.

I don't want anybody...

I don't want anybody to suffer because of me.

But Hilaria wasn't willing to do that.

[Alec] Don't get married again.

You'll never have it as good as with me.

[laughing] Look at your face.

I truly love Al...

I wonder if I could be buried on...

I'll get cremated and you scatter my ashes

- on Albert's. - Scatter your ashes.

You know what's best?

- Let's just talk about-- - Scatter my ashes on poopy town.

"Where's your father's ashes?"

"Poopy town."

"What? That's horrible."

The most romantic thing you can do with somebody

is just be and enjoy each other.

We go on the walk and he's gonna talk about

the geography of the land and the trash and the history of this and that.

And he always says to me, "You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

Because nobody's gonna be doing this."

And I'm like, "You know what? You're probably right.

You're probably right."

Wanna go clamming?

Nope.

If I looked like you, I wouldn't wanna go clamming, either.

Alec said to me, "Just remember,

you're always gonna be my girlfriend.

Even if you're a mother and wife, you're always my girlfriend."

Can I take you to dinner?

Yeah.

Of course I want my husband to think that I'm attractive

and funny and interesting and want to spend time with me.

Of course I wanna be his girlfriend.

My husband wants to date me. Like, is this that bad?

- God, that bathing suit looks so good on you. - [thumps]

You hit my mic!

[giggles]

How unprofessional of you.

How do you think we had so many kids?

That bathing suit looks so good on you.

- My God, it does. - You know what?

- You should be nicer to me. - I love that bathing suit.

You like how the bathing suit looks?

- You should be nicer to me. - I think that bathing suit is very beautiful.

This bathing suit is gonna look very nice with me alone over here.

- I don't like you now. - [Hilaria] Okay.

[Hilaria] If you had a dog trainer come,

what would you have them learn?

Don't whiz on my $40,000,

hand-knitted Peruvian rug.

We went through this very hard thing,

and so some things slipped through the cracks like dog training.

Cappuccino just peed on the floor.

You're the one that brought those dogs into the house,

said they were trained.

If we want the dogs not to pee on the rug,

we have to train them.

Can you tell...

from looking at a dog, right away,

whether they're hopeless...

and they're never gonna be trained

or they have hope.

[whining]

[man] Uh-huh.

[Hilaria] I worry about Alec because he is somebody

who's gone through some heavy stuff

and you can get stuck in that place.

So the new word for the future is "fun."

I'm about to drop a bomb on you.

What is it?

I'm having another baby.

Wait, what...

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