Original subtitles

(fast paced music)

(chat notification dings)

- Oh my God, Based God messaged me.

- Lil B?

(chat notification dings)

(fast paced music)

You think it's really him?

(fast paced music)

♫ Trolling

(static)

(growls)

- Stop.

- I thought you like that.

I got something for you.

- Get off.

I have work in the morning.

God stop.

Just go away.

- Do you actually want me to leave?

I can exit the building.

I'm just wondering how seriously I should

take your unconscious demands.

- No.

Shut the fuck up, I'm tryin' to sleep.

- Yeah well you just hit me.

- What?

- I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I'm just tryin' to cuddle with you

and you're treating me like some sort of rapey home invader.

- I don't even know what you're talking about.

- Were you abused as a child or something

'cause you're just always acting so aggressive.

I don't know if that's repressed anger towards me

or something but it's just.

- No.

- Do you want some water?

- No.

(fast paced music)

(ominous music)

- I got you some anyway.

Hydration is important.

You wanna watch Shark Tank?

- You don't even care.

You know how stressful my job is.

- You've expressed that.

Daily.

- See you don't even get it.

- It's not particularly complicated.

- If I was in the hospital I honestly don't even

think you would come visit me.

- Why do you say that?

I'd be there and I'd have one of those bear shaped balloons

and I'd be crying.

- You don't even trust me you won't even come inside me.

- We can talk about that.

- It's been three fucking years.

Why am I even on the pill?

- Risk management I guess you know.

Just not leaving an opportunity for something to happen.

I've just left myself exposed

(soft music)

too many times.

- So you don't trust me?

(soft music)

- No I mean I do.

I'm sorry I love you.

(soft music)

(rap music)

Knock 'em dead today.

- See ya later (speaks foreign language)

(fast paced music)

- Alright see ya.

(funky techno music)

Yo man hold up.

- Lookin' sharp Mr. Worthington.

- You know it dog.

- How those stock tips workin' out for you homie?

- Well company just filed for bankruptcy.

Ain't no thing.

It's all a numbers game remember that.

- That's real.

(door closes)

♫ Trey the great

♫ never pump takes

♫ I just dump weight

♫ In a bunch of places

♫ 'Cause I got the best rates

♫ Fuck with us mane

♫ A bomb zip of crys for one six

♫ You'll make your money back

♫ In one flip, you dumb bitch

♫ You'll get rich.

♫ To the frigid feral child

♫ I impart touch

♫ I use a hand crank

♫ I make your heart pump

♫ Make mobility wheelchair

♫ Obese in Wal-Mart

♫ Jump

- I mean I love her and everything

but next year when we're on tour in Europe

and I'm surrounded by Anna Kournikova look a likes,

I might have to smash just once.

- I don't know you got a good thing going man

in my opinion.

- Yeah but with you,

if you see a bad bitch walking down the street,

you could just link her with somebody

you've already been with.

- Yeah more or less

but fashion trends tend to shift

on a fairly annual basis.

(heavy bass music)

- If I see a hot Asian girl with green hair

walking down the street

or a Jewish girl with a fat ass,

it kills me that I actually haven't been there.

I'm just making shit up.

- Yeah I mean I guess we're both dating

what's quote on quote a basic bitch

but what you have to remember Trey

is those Coach bags and outfits from Anthropologie

signify a greater white privilege

that can help send our kids to the right college.

- Or you can just give them the sense of entitlement

that they need to succeed.

- Yeah rich white people tell their kids

not to view the doctor as an authority figure

but as a sounding board

for their independent concerns.

- CEO in training.

Well yeah at least kids have the internet

these days growing up.

Maybe that'll give them some sort of perspective.

- Yeah I wish I had that a little earlier.

Then maybe I would of masturbated with lube

prior to the age of 24.

- You're still masturbating on the internet though.

- Yeah Yahoo answers I feel wasn't really a thing

before '07.

But by then I already had my technique down.

- [Trey] (coughs) I feel you.

- Yeah it's like we're doomed

but if we ignore the haters

and fucking impregnate these girls we'll be set you know?

- If I put my seed in that,

the kid will stagnate in a mother fucking community garden.

- [Odyn] None of that with Monica.

- You see things brah.

- Basic bitches have the support system to win in the end.

- That's beautiful man.

- You know I'm here right.

And I'm gonna be a voice for the women you're abusing.

Maybe no one's ever said that to you before

but I'm not just gonna stand around

and let you fuckin' spout your self congratulatory bull shit

in my community.

(laughs)

- [Homie] Feminism.

(bottles clink)

- Yeah but if you're a white feminist,

you're just gonna take the liberties you've been given,

merge them with your white privilege patriarchal,

super structure, plug yourself in as an affiliate

of that machine and leave us minorities out to dry!

- That's fucked up.

- Oh for real.

- Wait what are you talking about?

I totally give you the white privilege.

Well my friend Sarah could use some.

She needs a sublet.

(ominous music)

- This is private property.

- That was a very bay area experience.

A lot of progressive ideas floating in a sea

of repressed anger.

(static)

(phone keyboard clicking)

- Oh hey did you go to CCA?

- No what's that?

- Oh it's an art school.

- [Lil B Fan] People always say that.

- [Odyn] That specifically?

- No.

(static)

(beeping)

(honking)

(suspenseful music)

(fast paced music)

- Who are you?

- I am Richard Nullman of The Grid Gang.

- [Odyn] You're the one who sent me those messages?

- Precisely.

I've summoned you here because we need a little new blood

on the trolling scene.

Lately it's become infected by posers

from the steampunk community.

- Are they posing as trolls or steam punks?

- Don't even get me started.

Those fucking little cancers are fucking themselves.

So we'll see how much cred they have.

When we've deleted their pathetic little Etsy stores.

Oh yes they'll be punished for their insolence

believe you me.

- Wait what?

- The point is that we need fresh blood

on the trolling scene.

We need people like you.

I saw the way you tracked that girl

and you're good but you could be much better.

With the right training of course.

You see I'm something of a team builder.

You could say that I'm a water elemental.

But you, you're lava and together brother,

we're gonna burn shit down.

(slow music)

Welcome to my home.

I call it the Null lair.

- No this is a nice place man.

Do you mind me asking how much you pay for it?

- Well it's 5,200 a month but I share it with my two lovers

so then it's only 1730 per person.

- You pay that much for a two bedroom?

- How long have you been in San Francisco again?

- I was actually originally born here my--

- Grid Gang!

- Hi I'm Derek and this is Stephanie.

- I'm Odyn.

- Richard who is he?

We weren't really informed you were coming.

- Coming?

I think you both knew this was coming.

Don't tell me you haven't seen the writing on the wall.

We've all been getting a little too comfortable.

We need someone to come in and shake things up a bit.

He's from Oakland.

- Oh yeah!

I'm turnin' shit up.

I'm turnin' shit up!

- I think I like him!

♫ Trolling

- This is The Grid Gang manifesto Odyn.

- Wikipedia says that a troll

is someone who posts deliberately off topic,

misleading, or inflammatory messages in an online community

such as a discussion forum, chat room, or even a blog.

But in reality what we do is so much more than that.

- We need to wake people up.

- Civilization has tried very hard

to coddle us with its support systems

and it's agriculture

and as beautiful as this world is,

it's also too easy.

Society is like an overprotective mother.

Pampering us and making us weak.

We are here to rip those support systems away.

You may not fear the beast

but you shall fear me because I troll

and I troll because I love you.

- Welcome to The Grid Gang Odyn.

- [Richard] Now let's see what you've got.

(keyboard keys clicking)

- One minute the whole world is gonna think

that Iggy Azalea has been charged with tax evasion.

- Well done my pet.

♫ The Starlight is in my eyes

♫ I won't tell if you touch me baby

- Yeah just say it sucks.

Tell him he sucks.

Tell him that he fucks his mother.

Troll him.

- And his sister, and his sister both of them.

(yells over each other)

- [Richard] And you should feel bad about it.

- This song was from my heart.

- [Richard] And this response is from my diznick.

- I knew you were trolling me.

- Nice bear.

- Yeah so.

- What's with that bear anyway are you guys friends?

- [Odyn] Or are you lovers?

- [Richard] I was talking to that bear

and he told me he didn't like you very much.

(fast suspenseful music)

Yeah we don't like you we--

- Just shut up!

- [Richard] I know you--

- Shut up!

- What do you need to do with that gun?

Are you a man?

- Gonna show you.

- [Richard] What are you gonna do?

You gonna me feel bad?

- Yeah.

- [Richard] You gonna make me wish I never picked on you?

You got a plan big man?

You wanna make history?

(gun fires)

(laughs)

Classic Grid Gang maneuver.

♫ Trolling

- It's mostly oat, banana, and chocolate chip

so it's completely gluten free flour free.

- Wow so the bananas work like an adhesive?

- Yeah it's good you should, here.

You know I bring it to work 'cause it's a good snack

and it doesn't make everyone all brain dead.

- Yeah some co workers of mine

brought these Safeway danishes

and I swear I can imagine my manager's man boobs

just chafing from all the flour.

I mean it's a fun office snack

but I mean it's like we're all mutating.

We're all infected!

- Wait well that' honestly a problem.

(timer dings)

- Oh they're ready.

- Curses it appears my Bechdel test was no match for them.

(ominous music)

- Hello.

(odyn speaks quietly)

- These are good.

- You know I got the recipe from Bill Cosby.

- Yeah the secret ingredient's a vial of his semen.

- You know you could've discussed that with us.

We're pretty open minded.

- As long as I don't have to see your dick we're good.

(laughs)

- We want you face down buried in my dog's crotch.

You won't see anything.

- [Monica] You know another accuser

came forward today.

- Yeah I don't really trust those third tier accusers.

They're a little late to the party.

- Oh shut up Odyn.

- That's just my opinion.

- [Monica] Where did you get this weed from?

- Odyn knows a delivery guy

and he doesn't card but he's legit.

- [Monica] Can you text me his number?

- Yeah right now.

- You know we should all go on the Steve Wilkos show,

do a little love triangle thing?

- I would not agree to that.

- I mean it would be funny.

You know we need to jump start a career somehow Trey.

- I understand Odyn I realize

that you wanna be recognized for your talents baby.

- Yeah my mom just thinks,

Being a security guard,

is a good job, she doesn't

really care if I stagnate.

You know she paid for my training

so she's like oh good a mediocre

security guard's my son.

But you know it led to me meeting Trey.

You know what else?

We gonna do it brah.

- [Trey] No doubt. - Well there's something that Monica and I

have been wanting to tell you

and it has to do with this.

I talked to my mom about you guys

and I played her your shit.

You know she's on the art council

and she approves funds for after school programs

and we were talking about allocating

some funds for music education in the Oakland area.

And then Monica's non-profit organization got involved.

And your names just came up.

- Yeah well your names were always there

but we want you to be happy and follow your dreams.

- So everything's just in place.

You guys are gonna be teaching under privileged kids

how to rap and drop sick beats full time, fuck security.

(slow music)

27 bucks an hour.

- And you'll have full studio access.

- I love you so much.

- You're the best.

- [Both] We almost forgot your name tags.

- Makin' it official.

(slow piano music)

♫ Trolling

- Yeah it's a original composition.

Whatever you wanna call it.

It's mine, it's mine I wrote it.

- Please we'd love to hear it.

- This how I been feelin.

♫ White bitches I got 'em

♫ She kissin' on my dick

♫ And it's hittin' her tonsils

♫ She's spittin out this thick liquid

♫ That when she blinks it leaves splotches

♫ Of my cum now that bitch want more so

♫ She drinks my jizz out a goblet

- Oh that's hot.

I ain't gonna lie I'm finna write that.

- Next time finish the rhyme yourself.

You don't wanna deal with ghost writers.

Leeching on your back.

Your mind is a temple Jermaine.

- That's true.

♫ I dress like duh

♫ But I've been doin' this shit since I had waves

♫ The more you do for you my nigga

♫ The less you gotta say

♫ But niggas catchin' charges

♫ Somethin' that they takin' charges

♫ You either target on the auction

♫ Best keep your guard up

♫ Hey ho what's good tonight

♫ I pull out like it's valet parking

♫ Yo MCM gonna tear the club

♫ Just bought bottles bitch

♫ I don't need attention

♫ But I take the compliment

♫ Major forms of payment

♫ No refunds because it's spent

♫ Chillin' killin' why

♫ Chillin' killin' why

♫ Chillin' killin' why

♫ Chillin' killin ya

♫ I don't need all of these niggas in my bennie

♫ Get this money on the low end

- Not so fast hooligans.

We're shutting this program down.

- We have a court order.

We're shuttin' you down.

- My name is Augustus Turnblatt.

Council President of the 14th district.

And I'm shutting this program down.

Under section c47-3 of the hate crimes statute.

Promotion of anti white sentiment.

We've been intercepting your MP3 transmissions

and every line of this so called children's music

contains slurs against white women.

That part about my 17 year old daughter

performing fellatio and being trafficked

for your negro cocaine parties

was particularly egregious.

I'd offer you all a copy of the bible

if I thought you could read it.

But instead here's a little suggestion.

Get a job.

- These kids are just expressing themselves

you racist fuck.

This isn't the 1960s you asshole.

- You better watch what you say.

- Trey!

- I can't breathe.

- Fuck you punk.

- Hey hey arrest him!

- Ain't like it's the first time.

Actin' like I ain't been arrested before.

- This is your third offense Jermaine.

Looks like you're going to become a full time employee

of the Alameda County prison system.

Take him away!

- Shut your fat ass up!

- Let's go, let's go!

(wheezes)

(sobs)

- He just trampled over those fucking kids.

It might as well of been the Watts riots with hoses man.

- It was fucked up.

- Cultural warfare fuels the internal narcissistic supply

of all conservative politicians.

I wouldn't take it personally gentlemen.

But don't worry the Nullman is down to help,

I got you.

- Thank God.

- Now let's see what dirt I can dig up on our dear friend.

Councilor Turnblatt.

- What the fuck is that?

- What you can't handle a little ironic racism?

I'm not actually racist.

I just pretend to be so I can assert

my superiority over the people who aren't intelligent enough

to be in on the joke.

This is why I only hang out with other trolls.

I'll be in my room.

- I'm just still kind of analyzing him myself.

- Well I'm gonna take three of his nugs of weed

and I'm gonna go home and fuck my girlfriend.

- I don't blame you.

- Odyn do yourself a favor and call Kendra.

- I texted her this morning.

- Whatever man.

(ominous music)

(glass breaks)

- Whoops.

(growling)

- He never calls if he's coming home late.

If I text him and say my back hurts,

he'll just say I'm sorry baby.

I don't even expect him to come home at this point.

- I don't know why you put up with it.

I mean you're beautiful, sophisticated,

and have more motivation and strength

than anybody else at the office.

- I told you already that's not what this is Aaron.

- I know.

And I'm sorry.

- You and I are very different Odyn.

We come from different backgrounds, different worlds.

Your being was forged in the blighted heart

of the urban jungle.

My dad was a realtor.

- But I, I was born in the suburbs but I was reborn here.

Welcome to my world.

- Oh cool what do you usually do here?

- Do?

What do I do?

I can do anything I want.

Can't you see this place is a paradise?

It usually heats up around nine, 9:30.

Surprise.

- I didn't know you were coming Richard.

- Yeah I thought you said this night was too political.

- Well excuse me.

When I drink absinthe I just can't help

but feel like all of you are forging alliances

against me so don't throw that back in my face.

How many times have I carpooled you guys

to erotic fan fiction night at The Booksmith huh?

- Oh yeah tonight they're doin' Doctor Who.

- Great looks like Nullman is on the hook again.

- Calm down Richard.

- Don't you fucking tell me to calm down.

You don't belong here.

- Hi I'm Odyn.

(fast paced techno)

- Can you guys believe this fucking sacrilege over here?

- I think we're having a very good time Richard.

- Oh yeah and another thing,

I saw you on Facebook wearing

my handcrafted Victorian augmented reality helmet.

- You know what it's waiting for you

whenever you pick up your God damn phone.

- Classic Nullman.

When are you gonna grow up?

- Know what.

Fuck you guys.

I created this scene and you guys are killing it.

You're killing yourselves.

And pretty soon poor old Richard Nullman

isn't gonna be here to sop up the blood alright.

'Cause I'm about to embark on my most epic troll ever.

You wanna hear about it?

Well too bad.

You don't deserve to hear about it.

Come on Odyn we're leaving fuck these posers.

- It was nice to meet you all.

- Farewell gentle traveler.

- What the fuck was that back there?

- Forget about those posers Odyn.

Got work to do.

After all you're in The Grid Gang now.

- I thought I was already in The Grid Gang.

- Almost.

You're only a probationary member.

But tonight was a test and you passed.

- So what happens now?

- Now a challenge.

Our good friend Councilor Turnblatt

ruined your after school program.

What next?

Do we stick his bulbous nose into cyber security?

- Turnblatt.

- Within a gang,

is a final initiation.

If you wanna run the grid, you've got to beat the master.

- [Odyn] I understand.

- The first one of us to get Councilor Turnblatt

to resign from his post using

their mad trolling skills wins.

The loser pays for our matching Grid Gang tattoos.

- You know I don't know if I actually want

anything visible, I'm trying to get into acting

at some point if--

- Are you with me?

- Grid Gang!

- Okay hello, how are you, good to see you.

(ominous music)

(static)

♫ Trolling

- We as a nation must stand up and take accountability.

Far too many women are being impregnated

by their landlords in a forced act

and are unable to forge a union

because of their liberated mind sets

and their dreams of meeting Mr. Right.

Therefore I have proposed a bill,

legalizing rape and authorizing men

to own women as property.

(crowd yells angrily)

Which is their God given right.

LOL owned by The Grid Gang.

(crowd yells angrily)

Can't you see it's not me.

It's them!

It's the trolls!

The trolls!

- Misogynist (mutters angrily)

(thuds)

- I can't let myself be upstaged

by a pathetic little newfag like Odyn.

I think it's time that I pulled out all the stops.

(keyboard key click)

(beeps)

♫ Trolling

(thuds)

(car screeches)

- Okay, okay come on, come on,

you can walk.

Come on you can feel 'em.

I can feel 'em, you can feel 'em.

Come on get up, get up.

Come on man.

Look he's gonna be okay.

Look come on, come on.

- [Woman] I'm callin' an ambulance.

- No you don't need to do that.

Look, look, look, look, look.

Everything's gonna be alright.

Okay?

Look a little fellow named Andrew Jackson told me so.

Here go get yourself some malt liquor honey come on.

Come on, come on.

- [Woman] We're not gonna settle.

- No we, we are, we've already settled.

Come on, you're gonna be okay.

Come on, come on get up.

Don't need an ambulance.

- Councilor Turnblatt.

What exactly is going on here?

- Nothing is going on.

Don't worry about it.

Everything is fine.

Everything is alright.

Just forget about it okay?

- [Woman] No it's not gonna be alright.

(ominous music)

(keyboard clicks)

(laughs)

- Yes!

Yes you meet me at Jamba Juice correct?

You buy me mango drink?

(giggles)

- Whatever you say Ling San.

I'm horny where are you?

Dammit where are you?

- Alright, alright Turnblatt.

We got you this time.

(handcuffs clank)

- Read 'em and weep Nullman.

I win.

- Yeah you're good.

I guess.

(tattoo gun whirs)

Ow.

Hey make sure you use more cross hatching on mine.

- That's not how you designed it bro.

- You know what?

I don't think I like your tone madam.

Come on Odyn let's go.

This would be better as a stick and poke.

That tattoo artist was a fucking poser.

This should've been a scarification anyway.

- Yeah.

Hey you might wanna do that at home.

You know when you're in front of a mirror.

I mean just a suggestion.

- You make an excellent point my friend.

You know Odyn,

I think the two of us need a little bit of time apart.

I gotta go home and deal with some life shit.

You know what I mean?

- I think I do.

- But I want us to meet next weekend

and we can begin our most top secret

and epic troll ever are you with me?

- Grid Gang for life.

- Good boy.

(fast paced music)

- Stop.

- Oh well if the vegan whoopie pie is so sinful,

no one shall have to intake its poison.

- You're embarrassing me.

- I mean I just spent $87 on groceries.

I didn't even conceal it.

So if someone was gonna say sir you didn't pay for that,

I'd be like oh sorry good sir.

I was just thinking about jacking off

and so let me pay you the money

and nothing would happen.

- It's just sleazy.

- I just don't understand how that's wrong.

There's a certain shrinkage ratio in the marketplace

of commodities and I actually added profit to the store

by purchasing a lot of groceries.

So what is the thing I fucked up?

Is Jesus gonna come down and punish me?

Is there some objective moral imperative

that I'm not aware of?

I mean how is it wrong exactly?

Can you explain that to me?

- If you're gonna do it,

just don't do it around me.

I don't wanna be a fuckin' part of it.

- Okay I mean that's fair.

I understand.

I respect that.

(phone rings)

I don't know if you remember

but three and a half months ago,

you thought it was funny and we actually bonded

from when you stole maxi pads at Walgreens.

So yeah.

- Look I don't wanna be a part of it anymore.

- Well I guess you can pay for your meal

and you can tell them that I stole mine

because I'm a terrible person.

Nullman had no doubt been spying on my computer.

So I guess I gave him what he wanted to see

or why he initially chose me.

While Kendra was at work I'd often

make good use of her house key.

As she did God knows what.

I could never masturbate to porn.

I got off from copy and pasting the sketchiest ads

on Craigslist and routing the responses to my inbox.

But when you steal a random perverts aspiring sex worker

applicants, you become that pervert

but employment itself is perverted.

I don't fucking care.

(bass beat music)

Your rappers and people in the music industry

and executives and they all sort of have a company party,

I mean yeah you would have to,

you'd just sorta be there for whatever they need.

You might have to suck a little dick,

just hook up with some of them

or just ride in their limo.

- A thot?

- Yeah.

- Yeah but I mean I'm not a thot.

- I'm not like the abolitionist of that concept

that can free you from that because your trapped

in that eternally so you know,

you know enjoy life in that shackle.

So that's all I'm saying.

- Shackles yeah I guess they're kind of like shackles.

- But you'll still be monitored to a certain degree.

- There's a quota to fill.

Yeah I can give oral sex on camera.

(rap music)

- You want me to tell you about the movie or not?

(laughs)

- You're talking about girls and Asperger's.

Okay tell me about your film.

- You were telling me about--

- You're wasting my time.

- Where you grew up

and you're just saying this personal shit to me.

- Well you asked me. (laughs)

- I'm just trying to talk to you.

(laughs)

- Okay go ahead.

- Real conversation, real characters, real sex

and just allowing the sexuality, psycho sexual part

to be represented but it is a narrative movie.

- But isn't that an underlining theme.

The sexuality why is that so much in the forefront?

- It's more just about the characters

experiencing things in a real way.

What your talkin' about,

it's like a genre, it's trying

to break down genre in a way.

In a sense--

- Documentary, sci-fi,

shamanistic sexual theme.

- Yeah.

(rap music)

- No kissing.

- Yeah so we'll submit the footage

to the other producers and hopefully you'll hear from us.

- Right.

(door closes)

- Kendra.

- I got you the meatless chicken.

- Come tell me more.

This is an extremely pertinent issue

that needs a lot of dissection.

Can you feed me them?

This is good.

- Yeah.

(swallows)

(TV theme music)

- This is a bad show.

- Yeah it is but it's tryin' to try new things.

- Oh yeah.

(TV show in background)

Whose scarf is this?

- I don't know.

I don't own any scarves.

Pretty sure aware of that.

- Okay.

- The whole building is aware that we're coming

and I think everything's gonna be good.

- Good, good, good, good.

Because I had to laminate these over the weekend

and my friggin' back is killin' me.

- Did you physically laminate them yourself?

- Stop bustin' my balls alright?

You two assholes are lucky I brought you back.

You know neither of you were my first choice.

- I guess that would explain the pay cut.

- Why don't you carpool if you don't like it?

Share a packed lunch.

Be creative.

I've got to go and get the old lady

some tampons, try not to embarrass me.

Okay?

Damn things I have to put up with these stupid assholes.

- Okay good he's gone let's go for a second.

- Are you trippin'?

It's our first day back dog.

I need this.

- Come on be a man.

It'll only take a second.

(whimsical music)

(soda can opens)

So I went in one of those texting apps

that gives a fake number to whoever you send it too

and I hit up Kendra pretending

I was a guy she met at a bar a couple months ago.

And guess who's at a cafe right now I guess,

happily down for whatever.

- Who?

- Kendra.

- Well I don't really blame her.

You're leaving her dick deprived.

- It's the principle Trey.

Fuck it I'm goin' there right now.

- Really are you sure?

- If I'm not back in five minutes.

You can have my half of the album fund.

(intense music)

- You the guy from the Craigslist post?

- Yeah definitely she's the red head in there.

You ready to do this?

- Definitely.

- Alright here's the 20.

- Oh hey Kendra.

- [Kendra] Oh hey Paul.

- Yeah.

- I guess it's been awhile.

- You were drunk.

(laughs)

- Yeah you look good.

- Wish I could say the same.

- What?

- Yeah you're skin's bad.

You look kinda cracked out.

Even a little jowly honestly.

Have you had work done?

Were you like fat and lost weight or something?

You got ugly somehow.

Not totally comfortable.

That's just what I'm trying to say.

- Wow he's doing great he's on script.

- Okay cool.

(water splashes)

- Fuck.

- Wait Kendra stop I need to tell you something.

- What?

- We never actually met.

I don't even know you this is all an act.

There's these sociopathic forces trying to take you down.

I know this guy his name is--

(masked man yells)

(pipe thuds across face)

(dramatic music)

(pipe clanks)

- Sorry man break time's over.

And I mean that in the larger sense.

So get to the next level okay?

- That's what I'm sayin'.

Like it a lot.

- Okay let's even just start by wearing our name tags.

- What are you robbin' banks now?

- It's complicated.

I don't really wanna talk about it.

(thuds)

- [Trey] Hey, hey, hey break it up!

- Hey asshole no, get the fuck.

We can call you an ambulance I guess.

- No it's okay.

Hey you guys interested?

- [Odyn] In what exactly?

- Bein' my pimp.

- No we have jobs.

- Alright.

I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

- You should come to our show though.

- That's cute you guys rap?

- Yeah this is actually gonna

be the first show doing some material

from our mix tape.

We're the Trapaholics.

- Alright, alright.

(chat notification dings)

- You're not Lil B.

- [Odyn] I'm his agent.

- Oh.

- [Odyn] Wanna smoke some weed?

Cool.

- You goin' to a Sick Sad World next month.

- Yeah Yung Lean's gonna be there.

Hopefully we can smoke with him.

- I once saw Andy Milonakis at Subway at three Am

he was ordering an Italian BMT.

He was surprisingly humble.

(rap music)

So do you wanna chill again?

- [Lil B Fan] Yeah sure.

- Lil B fired me though.

- [Lil B Fan] Obviously.

- Alright then.

- [Lil B Fan] Hit me up.

- Well I guess I saw odyn as this kind of invalid ghost

of a person.

He had this kind of wounded femininity which

I associate with weakness.

Made me wanna dominate him.

(zaps)

(phone rings)

- Hello?

- Hey Odyn this is a bit of a hectic time

in the Nullman household.

(Stephanie and Derek argue)

I'm going through a bit of a breakup.

- You know what I paid for your vaginal rejuvenation.

- Uh oh.

I'm sorry man.

- No I'm fine.

It's just Derek and Stephanie

breaking up with each other so.

- Oh.

(zaps)

- Yeah it's creating a lot of boundary issues.

- Richard come out let me play with him.

- Yeah Richard come out but play with me.

- Yeah.

They both wanna guilt fuck me

and I don't know who to choose.

- Why don't you just masturbate

on both of them.

- You know that's brilliant in a way.

But I just need some time to process all this.

So I'll let you know how it goes okay.

- Okay bye.

(beeps)

I told you man we 'bout to blow up.

I'm talkin' viral marketing.

- What the fuck you mean marketing?

We need that money for studio time.

- No man I got this.

Check it.

I've been on this dating site making fake profiles

of dudes just to see if Kendra would cheat on me.

- [Trey] Any bites?

- The jury's still out.

But then I started making fake profiles as a girl.

- Wait your fishing for dicks now?

- I'm tryin' to open up the doors of perception.

What's life like on the other side?

- That's real.

- She could be a five, a seven.

Even wheelchair bound.

These profiles are getting 50 to 90 messages a day.

Even more checking the page.

Every fucking inane thing I say to these guys

they latch on to like it cures AIDS.

- Niggas is thirsty out there.

- And soon these sad little

simps gonna be drinkin'

from our cup brah brah.

- Do tell?

- Each mommy's profile has a favorite band section.

These imaginary mystery dates are hypin' our shit

24/7 for free.

The effect should be sudden.

- [Trey] Got this I love you man.

Let's do this we got this.

- [Odyn] Yeah.

(mumbling in background)

Let's just bumrush it man.

Just do it.

Okay.

Oakland you ready?

♫ Sermons for deformed kids

♫ It's ill

♫ Indentured servants in my brick kiln

♫ Got the AKs when shit gets real

♫ AKA this shit's a hit song

♫ Then Basedgod let me in the bitch mob

♫ Then I came back Eljen was pissed off

♫ So we back jacked up, hassling the trap

♫ With a rack extracted from

some fool we just robbed

♫ And that's wrong that's not progress

♫ Black face lawn hedge

♫ Fake ass bomb threats

♫ Actionless promises

♫ Talk as empty as your wallet is

♫ And your product may not be all garbage

♫ And to be honest I wouldn't feel comfy

♫ In a plane that you're in the cockpit

♫ Bop to this rasta I

bought a shotgun in a meth lab

♫ From a guy with crocs on shot all his watch dogs

- Bull shit, this shit is wack

Fuck you Trapaholics.

- Where are the women?

- It's a fucking set up.

- I used my last Viagra pill for this shit.

- I'm fucking pissed.

♫ I laugh at the bible

♫ I've read every chapter

♫ Benevolent master with eloquent facets

♫ And elephant foot print

♫ I'm smashing a pastor

♫ Shockin' and accurate

♫ Packin a hatchet

♫ My hoes are all flavors

♫ Vanilla, molasses

♫ I'm Tetsuo Iron Man

♫ Melting in shrapnel

♫ I'm riding a rental

♫ My friend they can help you

♫ Watch in my rear view

♫ And no I don't hear you.

♫ Feinds on the blocks

♫ Always asking for previews

♫ I hang in the VIP then get brain in the whip

♫ I know who you hang with

♫ Your gang is the shit

♫ Blazin' your pistols you aim and you miss

- Oh they trappin'.

♫ Lick on my dick

♫ I got mad blow

♫ Wake up you're a tad slow

♫ 'Cause I'm rad yo

♫ Even though your cousins like this shit's

♫ a fad though

(raps fast)

- Okay yeah okay we love y'all.

I know it's kind of a small show

but it's some intimate energy.

And the intimate energy is good for y'all

so what'd you like about it?

- Nothing.

- What do you want.

- [Man In Suit] Women, it's why we're here.

- [Trey] That's weird.

- Okay yeah so--

- [Man In Suit] This is a fucking set up.

- This is a set up?

- This is a fuckin' set up.

- Oh yeah it is.

Air your grievances right now.

- Where are the women?

- Energy's a little negative here

so I'm just tryin' to raise the vibe okay

I'm tryin to elevate your minds.

I'm tryin' to open it up.

I'm tryin' to open y'all to a new perspective.

Trapaholics.

- [Man In Suit] Trapa.

- [Odyn] Trapa?

- [Man In Suit] Holics.

- Strapped and trappin'.

- Always.

- Trapa?

- Fuck you.

That was whack.

- Fuck you too 'cause we don't give a fuck.

We don't give a fuck because we trolled your ass

and yall already paid for this shit.

♫ Trolling.

- There's no pussy.

No one would wanna fuck your wrinkled cocks.

They don't want to fuck y'all

but we wanna rap for y'all

and y'all already paid.

So might as well.

- Trappa.

(Odyn rants angrily)

- [Odyn] Put that down, put that down.

(yells over each other)

(ominous music)

- Hey guys.

(trampling)

- Nadine we can't thank you enough.

- No problem.

- You saved our asses.

- You know what I got paid.

- Awesome.

- And you did it all by yourself right.

- Yeah.

- That's what's up.

- Yeah you guys want some of this cash?

Or you wanna come work for me?

- Nadine we honestly can't thank you enough

for everything you've done

but you know it's just not for us.

- Kay.

No problem you guys want some of this coke?

- I'm down.

- Officers!

- Alright caught red handed assholes.

On the floor before I start to feel threatened for my life.

- Fuckin' pigs I can't wait 'til we tear

down your corrupt fucking regime.

♫ Trolling

- Black lives matter.

- It's weird that, that crazy black guy that killed

the NY cops picked Asian and Latino officers.

Isn't that kind of missing the point?

- On the floor now.

Put your weapon down hands off that woman.

- That's not even occurring.

- I'm gonna enjoy this.

(growling)

- Officer I beg your leniency.

These punks are of professional interest to me.

I'm a talent agent

just let 'em go this once

and I will make it worth your while man.

- I've always wanted to do commercials.

- To be quite honest,

it's kind of brutal once you turn 30.

- What?

- Hold the phone hey I got some photos

of pop star Ariana Grande man.

Who knows what she'll do so these photos won't get leaked.

- Oh boy.

- Check this shit this is what I'm sayin' man.

Fellas, fellas, fellas.

- Thank you, thank you.

- No worries you guys are great man.

But I was a little peeved about the 18 year old punk girl

from the internet dating site.

Who's just a viral non-existing marketing campaign man.

The shit you said turned me the fuck on man.

It turned me on man.

You should put that shit in your fuckin' rhymes dog.

You should put that shit in your rhyme.

- Were amenable our style's just a facade

that could ride on the back of any corporation no doubt.

- That's the flexibility

and the marketing moxie

that I'm talkin' about.

We can rebrand you, shop you around.

You two could be the future of hip hop man.

Yes.

- Okay.

- Yes.

It's my trademark man.

So we'll meet tomorrow and talk all about it.

- Okay.

- Now If you gentlemen will excuse me,

I got a $36 blow job with my name on it.

- Get the fuck away from me.

(static)

(keyboard clicks)

- Green tea for the worker bees.

- And now you're violating my boundaries.

(figurine shatters against wall)

Relationships are hard Odyn.

- Yeah man I mean when it comes down to it,

it's like we both think

about them as pin cushions

for our internal shit you know?

- This discussion's

getting a little too florid

for my taste.

Let's keep our mind on the troll shall we?

- Kay.

(keyboard clicks)

(intense music)

- When these documents get published

it's gonna take down the whole fucking government.

Zoning laws are a fucking fallacy and the people

are gonna know that.

Soon enough.

Turnblatt was Watergate.

This is Iran contra.

- So that you mean no one's gonna

know what happened and then the government just

gets away with it?

- Shut the fuck up man.

Can't you see that this is huge?

- So we just release these documents tomorrow?

- Precisely Odyn.

Precisely.

(keyboard clicks)

- Any other details to discuss?

- No not really.

- I'll actually man the keyboards in that case.

- Yeah be my guest.

- This girl I'm

actually fucking her right now.

She's pretty hot right?

- So you finally got her?

- Yeah, same girl that I was tryin'

to pick up when I met you.

- Oh do I hear a thank you perhaps?

- What?

- I mean you got her using your Grid Gang skills.

The skills I taught you.

- You know the type of trolling I used to get her,

I've been doing since I was 18.

You do all this high level shit

but I basically have a sexual problem

that's essentially how I meet women.

But your philosophy on how social discord

was an evolutionary tool stopped me from feeling bad

about what I was already doing.

I ended up getting a lot more pussy

when I thought about it as a prank

As a troll.

So yeah thank you for removing my conscience.

- Of course Odyn.

But I still don't feel adequately compensated.

- What?

- Let me fuck her.

- Not how this works bro.

- Come on can't you just say

that I also work for this Little D.

- Lil B.

I like her I don't know if she wants a relationship

but I'm dating her I'm on that path.

So as one guy to another guy

with a lack of moral compass.

You know you are my Grid Gang brother in that fact.

So in a relation to this girl fuck off.

- What man?

You don't even know her.

I know her.

I know that she still sleeps

with her childhood teddy bear every night.

I know the address of every man she's fucked

for the last two years.

I've been anonymously sending her every single thing

she favorited on her Etsy store

for the last six months.

You don't know her.

I'm her fucking daddy you bitch.

You're not a troll.

You're just a dumb fucking ape.

Yeah your negroid blood makes you good

at scooping white sluts

and yet you're still not willing to share the fruits

of your one meager talent with the only genius on Earth

that can make you whole?

Typical.

- Yeah pretty much Richard.

Maybe Grid Gang will be the name of my new rap album.

- You can't do that.

(gags)

(growls)

(suspenseful music)

- Odyn thinks this is over.

But it's not over.

That pathetic little newfag has no idea.

No idea!

(pants heavily)

(rap music)

- See you later.

(rap music)

Hey baby.

- Get the fuck away from me.

- What, why are you here?

- Not only are you a slimy asshole

who invaded her space online and physically,

but you're fuckin' here now?

Don't you know that lying for sex is a form of rape.

How's that make you feel?

- What do you mean we're gonna

see the 3D Godard movie right?

- You're busted asshole.

- Oh fuck.

- You can't just have a girl blow you

and fuck you for a part in a fake movie

and expect no consequences.

- We're gonna kill you, you rapey creeper.

- The movie is in pre-production.

- Yeah where are the story boards you little bitch?

- I'm more of a overhead lighting charts guy

or maybe notate the space above the lighting set up.

- Get him.

Chauvinist pig!

- Fuckin' nigger!

(fist thuds against face)

(bottle breaks)

- I am making the movie,

none of your performances were good enough

to warrant a call back.

All I see are a bunch of white people

scared to have a half black dick in your entitled cunts.

A process which I might add was entirely consensual.

- You fucking sociopath.

- You might be interested to know

I just hacked into your bank account.

I'm about to post all your information online.

I'm glad the Grid Gang had the balls

to put you on blast.

- Nullman!

- Is he even half black?

He looks like this Iranian guy from my gym.

- Don't try to fucking label a bi-racial person

to the pre-determined labels of your mental reference.

Am I assigning a gender to you

without first asking which pronoun you prefer?

- You tell him Odyn.

- Nadine.

- To me he looks more Punjabi.

- No I'm half black and fully deep in your bitch's cunt.

I know what you're trying to do with that label.

East Asian people have the smallest penises statistically.

- Hey I take offense at that.

- Well either show us your penis right now

or go back to your systems admin job.

- You're gonna die alone asshole.

- Hey I just took a sales force developer class

from Amfasoft.

Any advice?

- Go kill yourself.

- See me and him we even have more of a repartee.

We don't subscribe to the curse

of your white privilege super structure.

(fist thuds against face)

- Let me clear the air.

It's not about race you fuckin' child.

You're just a waste of space.

- Yeah see.

- Oh wow this great example

of the black race assaults a fellow minority

to the amusement of a gaggle of giggling crackers.

How progressive.

I guess this makes him one of the good ones.

- Me and Kendrick have a very solid relationship.

Something you'd know nothing about.

- But maybe I know about the blurred

Almost white assimilation

he wishes he had.

I, having been accepted on more ambiguous terms.

He's in a starker.

Higher contrast relation with you alabaster devils.

- Yeah I really wanna switch places with you right now.

Especially since I'm 'bout to break your collarbone bitch.

- [Kendrick's Girlfriend] We have a garden

outside our condo.

He's chill.

He's a bike messenger.

(door slams)

(foot thuds against door)

- [Kendra] Odyn I read that shit I'm over it fuck off.

- [Odyn] Oh hey how's it going nice weather.

- You betrayed me.

Here's your shit.

Get the fuck out.

And leave.

- She doesn't wanna talk to you Odyn.

And I'm only gonna tell you this once.

Fuck off!

- Oh yeah?

(knife thuds in chest)

(gurgles)

- You killed for me.

I want this baby.

(Odyn laughs)

- [Kendra] Come in me.

(Odyn moans)

- I love you.

(breathes heavily)

- He gave me an antique teddy bear

and made me this apology scroll.

- Your father's read it.

It's not very coherent.

We just wanted you to be happy

but frankly he wasn't a good fit for you.

- Kendra look at me.

You need someone with similar values.

- Should he be white?

- Oh pumpkin we're not tryin' to curtail your preferences.

I'm open minded he can be exotic.

I mean why not try a Spaniard?

Here's what I am saying.

Next time make sure he comes from a good family.

- He can be black.

But he has to think like a winner.

No cultural differences.

(chat notification dings)

(fast paced music)

♫ Easy with that funny face

♫ When I play it at your wake

♫ I will make money

♫ Make money

(Odyn raps quickly)

- Alright, alright I see where this is goin'.

So you be trappin'.

Wow, wow.

So kinda used to sell coke but now

you're kinda goin' for that college demographic

type of audience.

- College girls specifically.

- And 50 year old Viagra addicts bump our shit heavy.

- It's working.

- So I'm gonna tell you something right now.

I got some developmental deals

and this is serious.

It's comin' from my heart.

Trey I mean I got some developmental deals

and some labels lookin' for some people to develop.

You know what I'm sayin' but I gotta tell

you the truth about this.

Gotta get rid of Odyn man.

- What?

- Clearly you have an attitude problem.

His look is problematic.

Racially confusing.

I mean Drake,

he's bumpin' that Mongoloid thing.

You know what i'm sayin'?

And that's his hook.

It makes him so nappy

and that's why they buyin' his units.

That's why his units is movin' outta here man.

- I think you might be interested

to know that our man Trey is partially Native.

- Oh.

I get it.

He's Indian.

Blackfoot.

- Thanks man.

- Oh great yeah.

So I guess you're okay with this Trey?

- I mean you could be a ghost writer.

- No man I got you covered.

I got this gay guy down in Long Beach

works with Lorde on the DL man

I got this G-Eazy clone from the post Macklemore buzz.

Man maybe I can put you two together

and see what happens.

- Yo what's good baby?

23 up in the house man.

I'm poppin' pour like a jack in the box dude.

You know what I'm sayin' man?

Don't even have to comprehend what we're talkin' about--

- He's got a beautiful bone structure.

- I just keep it goin' right,

freshin' the flowin' and you don't even know

about it 'cause I do ballet right mother fucker what's up?

- I will destroy you all.

You'll rue this day!

(laughs)

(rap music)

(knocks on door)

Where the fuck is Richard?

- [Stephanie] I don't know.

- [Derek] I thought he was with you.

- [Stephanie] He's honestly been pretty neglectful lately.

(intense music)

- You know it's really good to see you guys.

(fast paced music)

♫ I wanna be your dog

♫ Put me in the sheets treat me like a hog

♫ Tie me up broke chloroform fog

♫ Hold me close whip me with the rod

♫ I like it when you keep me close

♫ Daddy treat me like a bitch

♫ Treat me like a faggy

- You're violating my boundaries!

(fast paced music)

♫ I wanna be your dog

♫ Put me in the sheets

♫ Treat me like a hog

♫ Tie me up

(knocks on door)

- [Derek] Please Odyn?

- [Stephanie] We can talk about this.

(knocks on door)

- Most epic troll ever.

(intense music)

I'm writing to tell you about a troll called Nullman.

I believe him to be the most dangerous man in America.

(funky techno music)

(elevator dings)

(ominous music)

- I'm running my trolling operations from here

while the police have me under surveillance.

First rule of Grid Gang.

Troll never sleeps.

The second rule of Grid Gang,

Know who you are.

The steampunk community quite frankly

outlived its usefulness to me.

That's why I've chosen to adopt

this new superior fuck boy persona.

I got that pyrex vision girl.

- That's real.

- I'm sorry that you were taken advantage of

by that pathetic newfag Odyn.

I taught him everything he knows.

But still he insists on using his skills for evil.

That's why the Grid Gang works tirelessly

to expose mother fuckers like him.

24 hours a day.

We need to wake people up.

Oh and I actually know Lil B.

In real life.

- I know you told me.

- And I faked Wayne Knight's death.

Perhaps you saw it on the news?

- Okay.

- [Lil B Fan] Get off me I just wanna talk

about the music video.

- [Richard] You know what this is.

- Not so fast Nullman.

You think I wouldn't crush you?

Your trolling has given me a killer campaign stance.

- Turnblatt for Congress.

Get used to it.

- [Turnblatt] You know it scum.

You're gonna die in jail.

- Three to five.

And that's just if you have good behavior.

- Trolling, electrical abuse, noise complaints, the works.

We've got you by the balls Nullman.

- Fuck this man.

(fast paced music)

(hard metal music)

(laughs)

- Yeah L.A. isn't as bad as I thought.

I still can't drive

but if I stay in the east side I don't have

to take as many Ubers.

I'll get my license pretty soon.

(car horn honks)

- Once you get everything going

you can come see your daughter.

- Yeah we'll get you down here girl.

I mean honestly I'm not sure the point

of living in the bay area.

I mean you could be in Portland or something

and still have the same cultural resources.

- Not for my job.

I don't think about you when he fucks me.

- You were saying baby?

- Just that I miss you and I love you

and I'm so glad that I married you.

- I'm in Hollywood now.

Have to make that fake movie I've been talking about.

It's the only way to clear my name.

(fast paced techno music)

(screams)

(fast paced techno music)

Kendra are you there?

- What the fuck I just got an anonymous text

telling me to go to the hospital.

- Some guy with a Florida area code just sent me a dick pic.

- God.

- [Ominous Voice] You're in the Grid Gang now.

(heavy bass rap music)

(phone rings)

- I've heard that you two are the best trolls in the county.

I want you to make porn pop up on my boss's computer.

I take it you accept cash?

(explosion)