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00:00:07,060 --> 00:00:10,000
Woman: Aah! Oh!
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00:00:10,250 --> 00:00:11,580
Aah!
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00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:14,320
Aah! Aah--
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00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:16,180
Bridget:
Don't you just love true crime?
5
00:00:16,390 --> 00:00:18,510
Killer strangers,
strange husbands,
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00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,240
cults that first seem like
a good networking opportunity
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00:00:21,410 --> 00:00:22,850
but the next thing you know,
you're getting branded
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00:00:23,020 --> 00:00:24,180
with the image of a goat man?
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00:00:24,340 --> 00:00:26,760
Then come on down
to Grimsburg's first-ever
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00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,840
convention for crime lovers,
Crime-Con.
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00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:33,340
Meet and greets, merch,
and more live murder podcasts
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00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:34,920
than you could ever
not listen to.
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00:00:35,090 --> 00:00:36,360
So, come to Crime-Con.
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00:00:36,530 --> 00:00:39,870
It's the closest thing to
murder, without really dying!
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00:00:40,090 --> 00:00:41,930
Mayor Dilquez: Don't you
just love a convention?
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00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:43,850
Then come on down to Grimsburg's
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00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:45,930
43rd Annual Con-Con,
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00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:48,190
a convention for conventions.
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00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,440
From Crime-Con to Comic Con
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00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,700
to Chaka Con
and everything in between.
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00:00:54,610 --> 00:00:57,530
So, if you're a fan of fandom,
come to Con-Con,
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00:00:57,550 --> 00:01:01,370
where ain't nobody
loves fans better.
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00:01:01,390 --> 00:01:03,040
Woman: Don't you just love
when the show has
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00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,970
a big, bloody, violent opening?
Aah!
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00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:08,350
[Theme music plays]
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00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:30,250
Flute: Multiple dismemberments.
Necklaces made out of teeth.
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00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:31,730
That means the identity
of the killer
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00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,400
can only be--
[School bell rings]
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00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,500
We'll pick it up there
on Monday.
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00:01:35,590 --> 00:01:38,760
Kang: So I'm running security
at Con-Con this weekend,
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00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,410
and I could use a couple
of extra hands.
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00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:42,000
Flute: Have some
self-respect, Kang.
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00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,430
Nobody wants to be security.
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00:01:43,580 --> 00:01:45,160
That's the lowest form of
law enforcement
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00:01:45,330 --> 00:01:47,600
next to mall cops,
doormen, and mouthguards.
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00:01:47,770 --> 00:01:49,940
Kang: Wynona, you're young
and, therefore, broke.
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00:01:50,090 --> 00:01:51,940
Wanna make some extra money
you'll never save?
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00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:53,260
Wynona: I actually do
quite well.
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00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:54,830
You'd be surprised
how much change
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00:01:54,930 --> 00:01:56,170
I find inside of people.
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00:01:56,190 --> 00:01:57,430
Flute: See, I knew
she would turn you down.
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00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:58,890
And I don't even know
anything about
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00:01:58,950 --> 00:01:59,950
bloody gloves jacket girl.
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00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,170
Wynona: It goes both ways.
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00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:02,120
The more I learn about Flute,
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00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,860
the more it bums me out.
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00:02:04,030 --> 00:02:05,840
It's like reading a bio of
a shelter dog, but sadder.
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00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,100
Flute: But, Kang, since you'll
be there, you should stop by
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00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,790
my booth at Crime-Con
and get a pic with me.
50
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,680
Summers: You have a booth?
Flute: That's right.
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00:02:11,780 --> 00:02:13,960
It's a chance to give
something back to my fans.
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00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:15,630
For $10.
cash only.
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00:02:15,860 --> 00:02:17,280
I don't know how Bit Corn works.
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00:02:17,450 --> 00:02:19,970
And I'm gonna need lots of merch
for my die-hard Flautists.
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00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,970
I can sell this and this
and this.
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00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,290
Wynona: Hey.
Flute: And this.
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00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:26,560
See you at the convention.
[Grunting]
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00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:32,040
Summers: I'm pretty sure that
was my desk.
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00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:34,390
Pentos: Once I am done
with you today,
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00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:38,710
your brains will be twisted,
your minds warped,
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00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:44,320
your fundamental idea of
life itself totally--uhh.
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00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:49,660
[Sigh] Does everyone have
a field trip buddy?
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00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,750
[Gasp]
[Thud]
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00:03:03,010 --> 00:03:05,350
[Cricket chirping]
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00:03:07,170 --> 00:03:09,830
[Flute grumbles]
Summers: First and last.
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00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:11,000
My lucky day.
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00:03:11,170 --> 00:03:12,840
Flute: Where are all my fans?
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00:03:12,930 --> 00:03:15,100
Summers: I think they're
at their booths.
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00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:22,920
Flute: They're obsessed
with killers?
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00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:24,360
This is a crime against crime.
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00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,370
Summers: Does the line
go with you?
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00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:28,430
Pentos: Historically,
our annual field trip
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00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,430
is to a program
called Scared Straight.
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00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:35,100
But now that being straight
has become problematic,
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00:03:35,190 --> 00:03:37,090
we had to shift.
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00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:42,340
Gears. Anyway,
we're going to...
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00:03:43,630 --> 00:03:45,940
Ah, change of plans, Stan.
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00:03:46,110 --> 00:03:47,720
You're in charge now.
Pretend you're me.
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00:03:47,890 --> 00:03:49,560
Stan: An underpaid
public school teacher?
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00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,970
Ooh, manifestation is real!
What do I do?
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00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:55,880
Pentos: Why are you children
always such children?
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00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,960
Just take them there.
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00:03:58,130 --> 00:04:00,730
[Screaming inside]
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00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:02,550
[Kids cheering]
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00:04:02,650 --> 00:04:04,220
Mr. Flesh:
18+? Finally,
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00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,470
your one chance to see a nipple,
87
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,930
even if it is attached to
a woman on a meat hook.
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00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:11,390
Flute: Bridget. Hi.
I need to ask you about--
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00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,230
Bridget: My teeth were
too small for Invisalign.
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00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,310
Flute: What? No.
It's about my booth.
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00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,400
All the fans are lined up
for bad guys.
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00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:18,990
They're supposed to worship
good guys
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00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,500
in an unhealthy, parasocial way.
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00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,660
Bridget: That's how
it used to be, but after
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00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,170
all the true crime podcasts
and Netflix docudramas,
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00:04:25,260 --> 00:04:27,410
now all they care about are
psycho killers and which
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00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,580
Hollywood mop with perfect teeth
will play them.
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00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,990
And they're only perfect because
they usually have veneers.
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00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,270
Flute: Kind of feels like
you're the only one
talking about teeth.
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00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,440
Woman: Damien!
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00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,670
Harmony: I'm with Damien
Flescher, who last year
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00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:42,520
confessed to eating 31 people.
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00:04:42,590 --> 00:04:45,760
Since his incarceration,
he's become a reformed cannibal
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00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:47,340
and bestselling author
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00:04:47,510 --> 00:04:49,520
of the vegan cookbook
"Tastes Like Kevin."
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00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:52,180
Damien, do you ever miss
eating human flesh?
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00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,030
Damien: I don't.
If you put a fresh corpse
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00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,610
in front of me right now,
I'd say,
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00:04:55,770 --> 00:04:58,700
"Let me get my hands on him!"
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00:04:58,870 --> 00:05:00,190
[All gasp]
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00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:01,280
Damien: So I can gently
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00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:04,610
shut his eyes with my fingers.
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00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:06,280
All: Aww.
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00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:08,140
Flute: Who's actually
buying this?
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00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,530
Wynona: Hey!
Eat me, Damien!
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00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:14,140
Flute: Something about this guy
leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
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00:05:17,630 --> 00:05:20,540
Reformed cannibal?
You sure about that?
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00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,630
Pinocchio Flescher: I swear!
I'm a real vegan boy!
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00:05:22,730 --> 00:05:24,440
I haven't eaten people in years!
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00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,700
Flute: Not according to
your nose boner.
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00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,220
[Munching]
[Door opens]
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00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:33,890
Geppetto: And just to be clear,
there's a perfectly logical
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00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,870
reason why I make a little boy.
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00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,060
Nothing fishy going on.
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00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,410
Flute: I never said there was.
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00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:41,740
Geppetto: Good,
because there's not.
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00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,150
And he's not a real boy.
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00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:44,820
He's the one who keep'a
saying that.
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00:05:44,990 --> 00:05:46,840
He a fake boy.
So, that means
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00:05:47,070 --> 00:05:48,160
I'm a-good.
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00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,660
This a big gray area.
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00:05:50,790 --> 00:05:51,850
Flute: Aah!
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00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:53,250
Flescher's a fraud
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00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,520
and Geppetto's a Geppetto-phile.
135
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:58,210
Damn, you always think of
the best line after it's over.
136
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,190
Pentos: Ahem.
137
00:06:03,170 --> 00:06:04,750
Pentostonix 1:
What hath we here?
138
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:08,010
The glasses are passable.
The belt's a bit shabby.
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00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,850
But the ankle bracelet? Divine.
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00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,370
Wherever did you find it?
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00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:14,590
Pentos: The Grimsburg Institute
for the Criminally Insane
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00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:21,210
Parole Board, because
I am Dr. Rufis Pentos.
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00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,880
Pentostonix 1: Mm, not quite.
Watch me.
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00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:27,460
I am Dr. Rufis Pentos!
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00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:30,130
Pentostonix 2: No, it needs to
sound more like you're mid-yawn.
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00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:34,280
I am Dr. Rufis Pentos.
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00:06:34,370 --> 00:06:37,040
Pentostonix 3:
Uh, no, no, more like
you're scared of your tongue.
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00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:40,620
Yai yam dowtor Roofyos Pyentyos!
149
00:06:40,710 --> 00:06:43,970
Pentos: What? But I sound
nothing like that.
150
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:45,620
Pentostonix 3:
Mm-hmm. Closer.
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00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,480
Pentostonix 1: And perhaps
one day, you could join us.
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00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:50,800
The Pentostonix, a 5-piece
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00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:53,480
Pentos fan club-slash-
a cappella group.
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00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:55,730
Pentos: If I wasn't
the real Pentos,
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00:06:55,820 --> 00:07:00,160
how would I have this scar
from the 1997 Zamboni heist?
156
00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:03,070
Or this one from my third
Office Depot bombing?
157
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:07,150
Or these behind my ears from
my failed facial transplant
158
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,910
and not at all from
a botched facelift
159
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,090
I am still in litigation over?
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00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:14,000
Pentostonix 1: It is you!
You are...
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00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,660
All: ♪ Pentos♪
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00:07:16,820 --> 00:07:20,490
[Laughter]
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00:07:20,590 --> 00:07:22,440
Flute: I'm positive Flescher's
still eating people.
164
00:07:22,660 --> 00:07:25,330
You can't fake sobriety with me.
Or orgasms.
165
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,350
Can't fake it if I'm
already finished.
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00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,110
Summers: Um, is there a Fast
Pass to get a picture with you?
167
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:31,610
Because my grandma's
in hospice and I--
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00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,350
Flute: Once Flescher's fans
see me bust him,
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00:07:33,510 --> 00:07:35,010
they'll realize they've been
obsessing over
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00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:36,270
the wrong guy and be all mine.
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00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,600
But to do that,
I'll need a hand.
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00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:42,440
Up top. Wow.
So smooth.
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00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:44,750
Wonder what the rest of
your body looked like.
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00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:47,780
Stop.
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00:07:47,870 --> 00:07:49,460
Ohh, all right.
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00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:00,530
Kang: Ahem. VIP pass?
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00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:02,720
Flute: It's me.
Is this because I insulted
178
00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:04,460
your very insultable
security job?
179
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:06,200
Kang: You mean the position
that is ironically
180
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:07,560
now the one thing
standing in your way,
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00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:08,980
and if you had taken the offer,
we could have
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00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:10,060
spent rare quality time
183
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:11,990
outside of the office?
184
00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:14,300
No. Dut dut dut dut.
185
00:08:14,380 --> 00:08:16,320
No VIP pass, no entry.
186
00:08:16,470 --> 00:08:17,990
Now get out of here before
I have to shine my
187
00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:19,570
indestructible flashlight
at you.
188
00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:22,220
Think I won't?
Try me.
189
00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:24,240
Wynona: Great.
Now I'll never meet Flescher
190
00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:25,830
so that he can fall in love
with me and I can
191
00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:27,060
ultimately fix him because that
192
00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:28,480
always works with bad boys!
193
00:08:28,580 --> 00:08:30,500
Flute: You know,
maybe if we worked together--
194
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:33,230
Wynona: Now you want to
work with me?
When we're not at work?
195
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,130
Flute: Look, I keep my distance
for your safety.
196
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,090
The moment I show
attention to a woman,
197
00:08:37,330 --> 00:08:38,750
their minds begin to dream
198
00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:40,000
and before you know it,
you're writing
199
00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:41,260
"Mrs. Wynona Flute" all over
200
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:42,760
the cadavers you're autopsying.
201
00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:44,430
Wynona: I'll give this
a shot as long as
202
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:46,080
you're not trying
to be my friend.
203
00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:47,670
We have a really good
nothing going.
204
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,170
Flute: Fine by me.
Wynona: Glad we're in agreement.
205
00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:52,170
Flute: Oh, God.
You're falling already.
206
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,360
Pentos: And that is how I rigged
207
00:08:53,590 --> 00:08:56,200
Jeremy Renner's snowplow
to eat his legs.
208
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:57,920
Pentostonix 1:
So, what are you up to now?
209
00:08:58,090 --> 00:09:00,180
Pentos: Ya know,
scheming up a big old plan.
210
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,540
Stan: Dr. Pentos!
Sorry it took so long.
211
00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:03,870
We had to sift through
the body's
212
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:05,930
lower intestine to find the key.
213
00:09:05,950 --> 00:09:07,710
I'll take them to lunch now.
214
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:13,440
Pentos: Ahh. I suppose now
you know the truth.
215
00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:15,290
Pentostonix 1:
You're a teacher...
216
00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:18,390
at a school for
the criminally gifted.
217
00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:20,610
Pentos: Yes! That's exactly
the truth I meant.
218
00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:22,780
Pentostonix 2: And your
big scheme is here at Con-Con?
219
00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:24,710
Pentos: Ha ha!
Can't fool my fans.
220
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,640
Pentostonix 3: Syo it's
Yozen's Leven year yolds?
221
00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:31,230
Pentos: I'm sorry.
Could you say that again, Dave?
222
00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:34,790
Pentostonix 1: He said it's
Ocean's 11-year-olds.
223
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,290
You must let us watch.
224
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:38,570
Pentos: Anything for my stans!
225
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,480
Nedward: Mr. Pentos, I looked
at a light too long
226
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:43,150
and now I can only see
a big, dark circle.
227
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,910
Pentos: This kid?
Total psycho.
228
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,070
Wynona: There's gotta be
one convention that can help us
229
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:50,570
get into the VIP room.
230
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,090
Flute: CondimentCon.
Wrath of Con.
231
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,810
Oh, my God.
Connie Britton Con?!
232
00:09:54,910 --> 00:09:57,150
Wynona: [Gasp] Wait.
You love Connie Britton, too?
233
00:09:57,170 --> 00:09:58,930
Flute: Of course.
She's the perfect combo of
234
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,490
high class and low hairline.
235
00:10:00,580 --> 00:10:01,840
Wynona: "Friday Night Lights"
was the reason
236
00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:03,100
I became the first female kicker
237
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:04,600
for my
high school football team.
238
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,320
Flute: And "Nashville" was
the reason I tried to become
239
00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:07,750
the reigning queen of country.
240
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,010
Wynona: That's so funny.
Flute: I know.
241
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,270
Both: Ahem.
Flute: We should...
242
00:10:11,420 --> 00:10:12,770
Wynona: Uh, yeah,
let's get that pass.
243
00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:44,700
Ugh. [Munch]
244
00:10:44,790 --> 00:10:48,290
Woman: That's two tickets to
ConCussion for two people.
245
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:50,370
$2.00 per ticket,
for two tickets,
246
00:10:50,390 --> 00:10:52,700
for two people.
People for $2.00...
247
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,300
Flute: So, why are
you such a big fan of Flescher?
The guy ate a senator.
248
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:57,390
Wynona: I don't like him
because he's a cannibal.
249
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,320
I like him because
he's a genius.
250
00:10:59,510 --> 00:11:01,990
He built a brand for himself
as the sexy outcast,
251
00:11:02,220 --> 00:11:04,400
proving you can be
both weird and hot
252
00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:06,140
no matter how disturbing
your interests are.
253
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,830
Flescher's just misunderstood,
like me,
254
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:10,480
and honestly, kind of like you.
255
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:13,500
Flute: I'm misunderstood?
[Scoffs] I don't understand.
256
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:16,990
Wynona: Everyone sees you as
this arrogant narcissist,
257
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,820
but I think
that's what makes you
258
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,510
Grimsburg's best detective.
259
00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:22,160
Flute: Huh. It's weird
hearing someone other than
260
00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:23,660
me and my coffee mug say that.
261
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:26,420
Wynona: Well, the detective bar
is pretty low.
262
00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:28,000
Kang can't even
solve the mystery of
263
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,570
how to buy
a properly sized coat.
264
00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:31,740
Flute: Have you seen Summers
interrogating a suspect?
265
00:11:31,910 --> 00:11:34,690
It's like watching
a cast member at Disneyland
help a lost kid.
266
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,170
Wynona: And Martinez thinks
her accent can stop a criminal.
267
00:11:37,270 --> 00:11:40,340
[New York accent]
We get it. You're from New York.
You're working here.
268
00:11:40,420 --> 00:11:42,510
[Both laugh]
269
00:11:43,260 --> 00:11:45,180
Wynona: I don't feel so good.
270
00:11:45,350 --> 00:11:47,590
Did we just become work friends?
271
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,690
Flute: Impossible.
There was probably something off
272
00:11:49,780 --> 00:11:51,690
with those breakfast tacos
we shared like friends.
273
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:53,780
Oh, son of a bitch.
Ew ew ew ew.
274
00:11:53,950 --> 00:11:56,880
Wynona: Oh, God. What if
Harmony saw us becoming friends?
275
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,190
Flute: That's it!
Harmony's here,
276
00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,950
and she's press, which means...
277
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,120
Both: She can get us into VIP!
278
00:12:02,290 --> 00:12:04,440
Wynona: Uhh!
Flute: Ha ha ha! Uhh!
279
00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:07,160
Woman: For people dollars
for two tickets, for two people,
280
00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:10,470
for dollars for two tickets,
for two dol--
281
00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:15,140
Pentos: Ha ha ha ha!
It is now time
282
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:17,270
for the talent portion
of the field trip.
283
00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:20,140
Who has a special skill?
Like, say, demolitions?
284
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,980
Computer hacking?
Perhaps a wheelman?
285
00:12:23,130 --> 00:12:24,150
Khaleesi: I can do a cartwheel!
286
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,060
Stan: I can make my finger
do this!
287
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:28,470
Nedward: I can make my body
go liquid
288
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,990
and crawl under doors
like a cat.
289
00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:32,250
[Pentos sighs]
290
00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:34,140
Harmony:
Reporting live from Walk-Con,
291
00:12:34,310 --> 00:12:35,470
the convention for
celebrity walk-ons,
292
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,480
I'm here with
writer and actress Tina Fey.
293
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,570
Tina: Really great to be here.
294
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:41,500
Harmony: Thank you
for stopping by, Tina.
295
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:42,910
Tina: That's all I get--
Harmony: It's a walk-on, Teenz.
296
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,830
One line only. Kang?
297
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,030
Tina: Uh--
298
00:12:46,170 --> 00:12:47,500
Harmony: Uhh! Uhh.
299
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:54,430
Harmony: Oh. Heh.
300
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:56,250
Flute: You got something
on your chin.
301
00:12:58,920 --> 00:12:59,680
Harmony: Ha ha.
302
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:11,450
Wow. My chin is so sticky.
303
00:13:14,510 --> 00:13:16,110
Flute: Keep an eye out.
We can't get Kang-blocked.
304
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,460
Or "Man-Kangled."
"Kang-kles"?
305
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:19,790
"Kankles"? How'd I get here?
306
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,440
Wynona: What if he doesn't
find me as sexy
307
00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:23,130
as he does in all
my fanfictions? [Gasp]
308
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,800
I can't do this.
Flute: Yes, you can.
309
00:13:28,030 --> 00:13:30,360
I've seen you elbow deep
in a man's large intestine
310
00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:32,200
while also eating a corncob--
311
00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:34,380
a historically
two-handed activity.
312
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,680
You can do this.
313
00:13:38,130 --> 00:13:40,720
Mr. Flescher. Hi.
I'm a producer.
314
00:13:40,890 --> 00:13:42,220
Dr. A. Producer.
315
00:13:42,390 --> 00:13:43,710
We're working on a docu-series
316
00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:45,130
about cannibal docu-serieses.
317
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:46,990
Flescher: I'd love to.
I feed off
318
00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:49,730
my fans'...attention.
319
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:51,050
Ha ha ha ha!
320
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:51,990
Flute: How about an interview...
321
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:53,480
over lunch?
322
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,810
Pentos: OK, time to explain
our heist plan
323
00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:03,410
as if an audience was
too stupid to follow along.
Hit it!
324
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,050
[Pentostonix singing
"Mission: Impossible" theme]
325
00:14:11,590 --> 00:14:13,590
Pentos: Khaleesi,
we'll need your gymnastics
326
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,070
to navigate the security system.
327
00:14:16,170 --> 00:14:18,430
[Alarm blaring]
Khaleesi: Ah!
328
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:23,520
Ohh. [Crying]
[Singing continues]
329
00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:31,200
Pentos: If we are to stand any
chance of robbing this joint,
330
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,680
we will need...
[Singing continues]
331
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,950
a double one.
[Singing continues]
332
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:45,040
And lastly, the vault.
It's locked up air tight,
333
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:47,360
but not liquid tight.
334
00:14:47,530 --> 00:14:49,590
[Singing continues]
335
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,340
Nedward: Ow!
[Singing continues]
336
00:14:56,890 --> 00:14:59,560
♪ Ahh!
337
00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:03,060
Pentos: Walking into a vault
with my fingers
338
00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:06,050
ever so lightly tented?
339
00:15:06,070 --> 00:15:07,640
How I've missed this.
340
00:15:07,790 --> 00:15:10,550
Now for master plan part deux--
Nedward: Mr. Pentos, I have to--
341
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:12,800
Pentos: I'm not finished
with my evil plan!
342
00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:14,300
[Kids gasp]
Pentos: And I pray
343
00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:18,230
none of you have
an allergy to nuts!
344
00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:20,620
[Laughs]
345
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,740
Flute: Would you like
some filet mign-arm?
346
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:31,570
Flescher: Cute.
It's shaped like an arm.
347
00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:33,000
[Chewing]
348
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:36,320
What is this?
Chickpeas? Tempeh?
349
00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:39,250
Flute: Try 100%
free-range human.
350
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:40,340
Wynona: This wasn't
part of our plan.
351
00:15:40,490 --> 00:15:42,010
Flute: You miss it, don't you?
352
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,590
Gnawing on the elbow
like a drumstick.
353
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,160
Spitting out the nails
like sunflower seeds.
354
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:48,170
I know you're still
eating people.
355
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,610
And now all your fans will, too.
356
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,950
Or should I say "my new fans"
now that they've seen me?
357
00:15:53,170 --> 00:15:54,760
Flescher: Uhh! Security!
358
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,950
Flute: But my crime mind said
you were still a cannibal.
359
00:15:58,180 --> 00:15:59,840
It's never wrong! Uhh!
360
00:15:59,860 --> 00:16:01,350
Bridget: Kang, get 'em
out of here!
361
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,370
[Flute grunting]
362
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,350
[Flute and Wynona grunt]
363
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:08,440
Kang: Consider yourselves
Kang-banged.
364
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:11,420
Flute: Kang-banged!
Damn, it was right there.
365
00:16:15,710 --> 00:16:18,470
Flute: Ugh. I can't believe
my crime mind was wrong.
366
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,290
What's next? My gaydar?
My women's intuition?
367
00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:23,220
My sense of direction?
Which way am I pointing?
368
00:16:23,370 --> 00:16:25,810
Sorth? Nouth?
Sweest? Downways?
369
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:27,130
Wynona: You know what
I can't believe?
370
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:28,460
that you spent the whole day
371
00:16:28,710 --> 00:16:29,820
catfishing our friendship.
372
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,630
At least when Damien
chews people up,
373
00:16:31,730 --> 00:16:32,990
he doesn't just spit them out.
374
00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:35,560
He has the decency to swallow.
Oh!
375
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,640
Kang: You were all set up
for a swallowing joke
376
00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:40,050
and you didn't take the bait.
377
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:41,740
Flute: Because neither did
Flescher.
378
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:43,250
He didn't swallow.
379
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,570
My crime mind wasn't wrong,
I just misread it.
380
00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:49,240
Flescher is a liar.
Not because he's
still a cannibal,
381
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,650
because he never was one
to begin with!
382
00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:53,560
I don't think I should have
emphasized that last word.
383
00:16:53,730 --> 00:16:55,900
Kang: And brace yourself,
because whoever
384
00:16:55,990 --> 00:16:58,490
ate this arm had braces.
385
00:16:58,660 --> 00:17:03,070
Flute: Bridget.
She's a cannibal named Bridget?
386
00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:05,500
Ooh-hoo! This job.
387
00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:10,190
[Stan grunting]
388
00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:12,190
Pentos: Stan,
you're falling behind.
389
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,680
Stan: Uhh! I respect
the attention to detail,
390
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:20,700
but why did PirateCon have to
only accept gold doubloons? Aah!
391
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:28,860
[Gasp] Aah!
[Pentos grunting]
392
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,790
[Kids grunting]
393
00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:38,460
Pentos: Oh! [Grunting]
394
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,550
Khaleesi: Uhh!
You have to let one go!
395
00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:48,470
Pentos: Sorry, Stan.
I'm not a teacher. I never was.
396
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,060
I've always been a villain.
397
00:17:50,210 --> 00:17:51,730
Stan: Well, you're
my favorite teacher,
398
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,400
and I'm sure this is another one
of your amazing lessons,
399
00:17:54,630 --> 00:17:58,480
which I will hopefully figure
out before I hit the acid.
400
00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:03,630
[Pentos and Khaleesi grunt]
401
00:18:14,570 --> 00:18:16,910
Pentostonix 1: Why didn't you
just let him die?
402
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,740
Pentos: Because
this isn't a school
403
00:18:18,990 --> 00:18:20,150
for the criminally gifted.
404
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,000
I'm just a regular teacher
405
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,490
teachering regular psychopaths.
406
00:18:24,510 --> 00:18:26,580
That's who I am now.
And if that's
407
00:18:26,750 --> 00:18:28,840
not good enough for you,
then maybe you need to find
408
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:30,600
someone else to be a fan of.
409
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,400
Oh, wow.
That was very fast.
410
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,780
Bridget: Ready for
"Cooking with Flescher"?
411
00:18:41,010 --> 00:18:43,340
[Crowd cheering]
412
00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:44,950
[Microphone feedback]
Flute: Sorry, folks,
413
00:18:45,180 --> 00:18:46,190
but Flescher's not a cannibal.
414
00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:48,780
The real killer is...Bridget!
415
00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:52,900
Bridget: Oh, yeah,
I already went over it.
I'm the cannibal.
416
00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:54,440
Flescher took credit
to build his brand.
417
00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:56,450
Crime-Con was just a ruse
to enact my revenge.
418
00:18:56,540 --> 00:18:58,460
There was a whole PowerPoint
and everything.
419
00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:03,190
Flute: And you all are
OK with that?
420
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,800
Woman: Yeah! We're fans!
421
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,290
We gotta like someone, right?
422
00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:07,880
Flute: Yes. But why obsess over
423
00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:09,030
famous people you'll never meet
424
00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:10,130
when you could be fans of people
425
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,480
you actually can?
426
00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:12,980
You there in the audience.
What's the most
427
00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:14,220
interesting thing about you?
428
00:19:14,470 --> 00:19:15,800
Man: Sometimes I
go to the hospital
429
00:19:15,890 --> 00:19:17,730
and I switch
the babies in the cribs.
430
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:21,970
Flute: OK, maybe not that guy.
But today, I learned
431
00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:23,310
more about Wynona in a few hours
432
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,400
than I have in years
of working with her.
433
00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:27,660
Did you know she was a kicker on
her high school football team?
434
00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:30,150
Woman: We don't know
who Wynona is.
435
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:32,000
Flute: And neither did I
until today.
436
00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:34,740
But now I'm her biggest fan.
437
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:39,840
Bridget: Nice try, Flute, but
my new fans still expect a show!
438
00:19:40,010 --> 00:19:42,080
[Whirring]
439
00:19:45,010 --> 00:19:46,850
My eyes! Uhh!
440
00:19:47,070 --> 00:19:48,180
Kang: Flute, catch.
441
00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:50,670
Flute: Yikes. What's that?
Like, 9,000 lumens?
442
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:53,630
Oh!
443
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,010
[Whirring stops]
444
00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:59,250
[Crowd murmuring]
445
00:20:00,090 --> 00:20:03,320
Kang: What are you waiting for?
Go get her.
446
00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:09,090
Oh, God, have I become
the rom-com best friend?
447
00:20:09,190 --> 00:20:10,580
Flute: Wynona, wait!
448
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:16,210
You were right about Flescher.
And about me.
449
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,440
Wynona: Uh-uh. If you're gonna
give me a speech about
450
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,270
how you set out to find fans
but really, you found a friend,
451
00:20:21,290 --> 00:20:23,140
don't, because
that will make me puke.
452
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,220
Flute:
Yeah, I'm already queasy.
453
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,940
I feel like I do
when Summers tries to
454
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,460
find the silver lining
in everything.
455
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,950
Wynona as Summers:
Well, our squad car
456
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:30,060
may be on fire, but now
457
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,720
I can see you better.
458
00:20:31,890 --> 00:20:33,280
[Both laugh]
459
00:20:33,390 --> 00:20:35,880
Wynona: Wow. We really did
become friends, didn't we?
460
00:20:36,050 --> 00:20:37,230
Now what do we do?
461
00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:38,470
Flute: Maybe we just keep
making fun of
462
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:39,570
our coworkers together
463
00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:40,980
and see where it takes us.
464
00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:43,140
[Camera's shutter clicks]
[Whirring]
465
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,480
Summers: Yes! And your eyes
are even half-open!
466
00:20:45,630 --> 00:20:47,910
Just hold on
a little longer, Grandma.
467
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,800
Wynona: Why is he running?
He has jet packs.
468
00:20:50,890 --> 00:20:54,250
Both: Just fly! [Laughing]
469
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,460
Summers: She passed.
Flute: Oh.
470
00:21:00,590 --> 00:21:01,980
Pentos: So, when your parents
ask what we did today,
471
00:21:02,070 --> 00:21:03,090
what are you going to say?
472
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,320
Kids: Not grand larceny.
473
00:21:05,410 --> 00:21:09,100
Pentos: Perfect.
[Kids laugh]
474
00:21:09,260 --> 00:21:11,080
Pentostonix 1: Have fun
sculpting the minds
475
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:14,310
of the next generation! Idiot.
476
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,690
[Explosion]
477
00:21:20,940 --> 00:21:25,280
Pentos: Still got it. [Laughs]
478
00:21:25,510 --> 00:21:29,320
[Coughs] Can I get a sip
of that juice box?
479
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,450
Person: Bento.
[Crowd cheering]
36585
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