Original subtitles

We got this, right?

Yeah.

We got this.

Oh my God, can you guys hurry up? We're double parked in there.

We've got, like, we're in a weird loading zone.

- Sorry. - God, you've got so much stuff!

Yeah, this is...

My way works. It's like, me and Steph will go,

and then you just wait here with Johnny and Peanut.

Well, why don't I drive, and then you can be in the back with the boys?

Oh, I'd prefer not to sit in the...

- Oh, sorry, I just... - No, no. It's just, I'm sore.

- No, no. I totally get it, yep. - No, yeah!

I can drive.

Sweet. Here we go. Shotgun.

No! You can't call shotgun.

You have to have had a baby to get shotgun.

- That's true. - Yeah, that is fair.

OK, well then I'll just drive.

- No. - Absolutely not.

- You're a terrible driver... - It's like being on acid...

- ...it's so, so stressful. - ...on Rainbow Road in Mario Kart.

I haven't taken acid for years.

- I'll just Uber. - No, you won't.

We are all going home together.

I'm only putting up with this until those boys are big enough,

and then they can get in the boot. OK?

Get down, Lily, you'll get us arrested.

We made it.

Here we go.

Johnny, you assembled them?

Yeah. Only took a couple of hours.

It took you all day.

Flat packs are unexpectedly very difficult.

- Yeah. - It's so kind of you.

It really does mean a lot to us, hey?

It did actually take me ages.

I made a sign!

Yeah, you just haven't seen it yet cause you've come in this way.

But yeah. It's hand-painted, took me ages,

probably as long as this guy. And you can just...

...fill in the blanks when you're ready.

Yeah!

Thank you, that really is so...

So cool.

Um...

Yeah, sorry. I'm just gonna...

...I'll just - I'll just be back in a sec.

Cool. And I'm just gonna...

...show myself the... the bathroom.

Wow.

I think they really like the sign.

I mean, they love these, but I feel like that

sign really tipped them over the edge.

Sorry. Sorry.

You all good?

Yep. Yeah! Great, great.

Do you reckon you could drive me back to Birthcare?

Yeah. I miss the jelly and I miss the

gentle yet firm handhold of a medical professional.

I think Steph might need a hand with Blank and Blank.

Yeah, yeah, you're probably right.

I just stand here for a little bit longer, if that's all right.

Yep.

OK.

Lily, Lily. Small ears.

What? Oh, sorry.

Sorry, sorry sorry sorry.

It's just that it's really hard to do anything in there now.

You've made it like an escape room with all the baby proofing stuff.

Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I just didn't want them

to get hold of any sharp objects.

Yeah, of course, but, I mean, they can hardly get hold

- of their own necks. - Hmm.

It's still a super sweet and thoughtful thing to do, though.

Ugh.

It's like watching my siblings kiss.

Hey! You said you were gonna be mature about it.

Oh, look, look, I'm genuinely happy for you both.

I just find it really hard to support heterosexual relationships.

Hey, so Steph's got two names for the child she birthed.

How come you don't have one?

Oh, God. She's got a bloody Excel list.

Like 200 names on it, all colour-coded and ranked.

Oh, no, it's actually more like an informal Notes app,

thank you very much, that has 43 names,

and you have full editing access to it, Nat.

It would actually be good if we had some possibilities for Peanut.

Otherwise I think that name might stick.

I just don't think Peanut's an Earl or a Theodore, or a

Pompellier, had a lot of French names on there.

That's fine. You can suggest whichever names you like.

That's the point.

I'll check out the list.

Oh my God, didn't you just feed?

Yeah, I just think he's still I'm hungry.

I'm not sure if he's getting enough from me.

You're welcome to chuck him over to me, I'm on full blast over here.

Oh, no, no, I think I should probably keep trying to,

like, get the, get the milk going.

Oh, my God, how cute! You can just, like, feed each other's babies.

Well, no, we can feed our own babies.

We both feed both babies.

Yeah, right. Sorry, both.

Each of you can feed both... uh, at separate times.

I just don't think my milk's, like, letting down properly.

- Babe, do you wanna just... - I'm sorry.

Just for now, just for now.

- Yeah, OK. - OK, yep.

Oh, um, Johnny?

- Oh, yep. I can... - Johnny. Sorry.

Can you... Yep.

- OK, yep. - Yeah. Yeah.

- Thanks. - OK, sorry, sorry.

Don't say sorry. Shh shh shh...

Wow.

You know, a couple of weeks ago, I would have bet 200 bucks

- they were gonna break up. - Oh, Lily!

Maybe not 200 bucks, OK, maybe 40 bucks.

Thought there'd be a lot more screaming.

Yeah. Me too.

Do you think they're all right?

Like, do you think we should wake them up to see if...

His chest is still moving, so.

Yeah. I think they're OK.

- Oh, sorry. Sorry. - S'all right.

So...

...What do we do now?

Um...

Well, they say that you should sleep when your baby sleeps, so.

Maybe we try and sleep?

OK.

Just...

Are you going to sleep like that?

Yeah, I think so.

- And I am making space... - What's she doing?

Baby gazing. Homework.

It's supposed to create a bond with a baby

and make your flow get better and stuff like that.

You gonna give it a go?

Yeah, nah. Not really my style.

Do some CrossFit or something with them later.

...My heartbeat...

I'm just gonna lie down.

Oh, OK.

Yeah, I was just hoping she might take over,

'cause I really need a shower.

I can still smell the hospital all over me.

Oh, you go, I'll look after the boys.

Oh - no, sorry, I wasn't saying that so you would offer.

It's fine. I'll just have one a bit later.

Steph, it's fine.

- Really? - Yeah.

Go on.

I'll, um...

OK, if, like you don't, you honestly don't mind?

No.

Great! OK, great. Thanks.

Should we go see Auntie Lily?

Are you breathing?

I just don't really know if I should.

You can breathe, babe.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

Hi.

I just never really held a baby before.

- Wait, you've never held a baby? - No.

- Any kind of baby? - No!

I made this rule that I don't hang out with anyone under 25

'cause it makes me feel insecure.

Hey, do you reckon they look like me?

I mean, I want to say yes,

but honestly, they just look like two old men.

Hey, so how do you feel about maybe staying in separate rooms tonight

and maybe some other nights as well?

Yeah, OK.

If that's what you want.

I just don't want to rush into anything, you know?

It's like one minute we're footsies under the table being all cutesy.

The next minute it's like, "hello,

"We're Johnny and Lily, and these are our sons."

I just, like still feeling all nervous and excited around you.

Hmm.

- OK? - OK.

Oh no, sorry, oh...

- No? - No, he doesn't like that.

Sorry, baby.

- Oh! - And we're good to go.

Ah, quite the setup you got here, mum.

When was this planned?

I...I thought it'd be nice for us to have a record

of our first few days together as a family.

Such perfect timing.

With me just finishing my portrait photography block by night classes.

So when Steph mentioned wanting photos... Here we are.

Don't remember us chatting about it.

Johnny, can you give Steph Oscar?

Oh, Austin.

- Hey? - Well, both names are still in play.

I'm working through a naming trial.

Oh, you'll confuse the wee poppet.

Nat, wriggle over towards Steph more?

Mum, I can't wriggle over, OK? My guts'll spill out.

- It's OK, I'll move. - I mean, look at the boy.

- He's clearly an Oscar. - Do you think?

Plus, I've known a few Austins in my time.

The're always pompous pricks.

Oh, Johnny, honestly! Are you in or out?

So sorry, Rosie, you're just very trigger-happy over there.

This could have been just like a photo on a phone or,

I don't know, no photo at all.

Johnny, I'll get you to move the pot plant.

Yeah. In or out?

- Strike it. - OK.

You know, I think I actually really like Oscar.

He looks like an Oscar, don't you think?

Oscar!

Our beautiful little Oscar.

I like it.

Hey, Oscar!

Ooh.

Ugh, that looks revolting.

What have I done wrong with the camera settings?

What about your one?

- Uh, they're our babies. - They're our one's mum.

Well, give him a family name.

I'm not giving him a family name. I don't like anyone in our family...

...that much. No offence.

We do need to give him a name, though,

before the photo is published.

Publish the photo?

What, in the newspaper? Coffee News?

No, of course not. I just mean, like, on social media.

I think it would be nice for people to have a photo of our family.

Oh, cool, yeah, what's next, we going to send a smoke signal

up a chimney like they do in the Vatican?

Hey, Nat, you don't actually have to be like this?

Come on, you guys! Try to look united.

It's just... Mum!

It's all just, like, feeling a little bit forced, I think.

This is a nice thing, Nat, like, it's a nice thing

if you just let it be a nice thing.

Flex your shoulders, Nat. You're looking very tense.

I'm just not in the mood.

And looking down at your babies!

Big, happy smile.

Oh, Mum, stop. OK? Just stop.

I don't feel like playing happy families right now.

- Johnny. - Mm-hmm.

That went better than I thought!

- Got work tomorrow, I gotta go. - You work from home.

Yeah, so? I've been neglecting my bedroom a bit,

and I, um, I didn't bring any clothes to wear.

- So... - That's OK, I've got clothes here.

You'd look great in my work shorts.

Yes, I would.

But this is going to be good for us.

Keeping the mystery alive, you know?

I want to text you, and you ghost me,

and I'm still like, "what is he thinking?"

A mystery, you know?

- Yeah. OK. - OK.

No, no. I should go.

- OK! - I've gotta go!

Well, thanks for coming around.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

See you tomorrow?

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe not.

Depends if I text you back or not.

Yes. Good.

That is what I like to hear.

- Night. - Night.

OK, OK...

Here we go, here we go.

♪ Piko piko-piko-piko

♪ piko piko toro, piko

♪ Toro toro-toro-toro

♪ toro-toro piko, piko

A tch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch...

Throwback.

Yeah, that song was just etched into my brain.

Me too. Mrs Griffin, room five.

Oh, it's going nowhere.

Oh, my God.

Tch-ch-ch...

You're so good with him.

- So are you. - Mmm.

Does it feel real yet?

Not at all.

I feel so out of it.

Wow.

I've never seen you like this before.

J, I'm scared.

Yep.

Yes.

It's fucking scary.

I think you might have just forgotten

how dumb and fearless you are.

You calling me stupid?

Yep.

Yeah.

Best thing about you.

Fuck you.

I'm not going anywhere.

Pinky promise?

Pinky promise.

Smile.

OK. Oy, oy, oy.

Come on, child swiper.

- OK. - Let's put him in the car.

Hey, um...

...I want you to be part of this.

You don't have, like, a marker, do you? In your kit?

Umm, like a Sharpie?

- Oh, yeah. Sharpie's good. - Yeah.

Nat? Is everything OK?

Yeah.

It's all good.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, Oscar and "Jye".

"Jay".

J for Johnny.

Jai?

Yeah, it's a family name.

That's why it's got the I at the end.

My cousin actually had it on her wishlist, but she's still single,

so, snooze you lose, you know? Get a move on.

Right.

Don't you think people will call him "Jye", though?

- No, it's "Jay". - I know it's "Jay",

and we'll all call him "Jay" but I'm just saying,

first day of school, they'll see his name like that

and be like, "what's up, Jye?" And then that'll be it. It'll stick.

Jye, Jye, Jye for the rest of his life.

It is a big deal, Nat.

Naming our son is something that I should be part of.

It was a gesture for Johnny.

OK? I thought you would like it.

- I do. That's not the point. - Well, what is the point?

That you didn't talk to me about it.

That you didn't include me in that.

OK, well I guess we're both guilty of that, then.

Look, I'm sore and I am tired, and I just,

- I don't want to do this right now. - Do you not want to...

...do this with me anymore?

Is that it?

Because it really feels like you're not,

you're not, like, like, in this with me.

I don't know if I'm in this.

Right.

So...

So you're, are you saying that you do want to break up?

Is that what you're saying?

Steph, I don't - I am tired, and I, I just...

No, no, we have to, we have to.

- I don't want to talk about it! - We have to talk about it.

We have to talk about it, because...

...we can't go on like this.

So, yeah.

If, if we break up, what does that look like?

I mean, um, I guess that you would be at Rosie and Ted's

and I'd be at Shelly's.

Um, would you... would you want shared custody?

Why, are you gonna fight me for full?

No - no no, no, I think,

I think shared custody would be the, the best thing.

So what, we just...

...we split up the boys and have them each every few days?

No. No, I don't think that would be fair on them to,

to split them up.

So we keep them together then. And it's...

- ...Week on, week off. - Yeah.

Yeah, I think something like that would...

...would work, yep.

So in that case we would need, like,

two extra bassinets and an extra bed for,

for one of us, and ah, and an extra car.

And we'd need counselling because I wouldn't want, uh,

our separation to impact the boys at all.

So that...

...that's it then.

Mm-hmm.

Sounds... hard.

And shit.

Yeah.

So then...

...the other option

is that we...

...don't break up.

That we stay together and try to figure this out.

I like the second option.

Same.

I think we need to, like,

tell each other what we need.

And we can write it on a nappy.

So, um...

...Yeah.

You... you tell me what you need from me.

Steph.

I need you...

...to trust me.

And to just let me step up...

...and to stop

trying to control everything.

And I sign it?

- Yep. - Yep.

OK. And...

...I need you to...

...Show me that you are taking this seriously.

That you are

in this with me, like, 50/50.

And that you won't back out when things are hard.

Seal it with a kiss?