Original subtitles

(Male Announcer reads text on screen)

(Musical jingle)

[bright music]

[Todd]. You can speak your mind, Tase.

[Taser]. Want the truth, Mr. Foreman?

My guys are a bunch of turnips.

I'm the most under-appreciated worker here.

What? I'm the busiest.

My busted back and balls are a testament.

What happened to your balls?

You got a couple two-week-old birthday balloons down there,

or what?

What? No, nothing happened to my-

I'm just saying, a little appreciation would be nice.

I got your favourite.

Spicy meat sticks.

Two hitter.

[chuckles] You're trying to win me back.

It's working.

Wonder how Auds made out?

She's gonna be sleep-fucked all day.

She's with Bareback and Juicebox.

Probably did sweet fuck all.

Hopefully they found the operator's nap room.

Hm, hopefully not.

I put fish oil in their air fresher.

[laughs] That is nasty.

[Dewey]. [groans] Hey.

What the fuck?

[groans] Hey.

Dewey, are you okay?

Why are you blue?

You did another gender reveal for your gerbil, didn't you?

Use water-soluble paint, ya dipshit.

What the fuck happened? Did a line rupture?

Where's Auds? Where is she?

I remember being afraid.

More scared than I was being abducted.

Not by aliens,

it was my Uncle Alvin.

Dewey, where's Audrey?

The darkness.

It got us.

He's not an urban legend, boys.

[Todd]. Who?

He's real.

See? This is why I don't work nights.

Fucked-up shit always happens on nights.

[spooky music]

♪

My Dwarf Paladin initiates smite on your Elven rogue.

Yes, but I cast the Orb of Deflection.

The Orb of Deflection?

Yes. I had it.

I had it the whole time.

I was waiting for you to use it.

I don't know what this is, but it upsets me.

Nights are really hardcore, eh?

Mmmhmm.

Ooh, red pepper jelly.

So far, nights are the best.

I was built for nights, Dewey.

It's when I was conceived.

Keeps you on the straight and narrow.

And no one's ever in the bathroom,

so you can pretty much pull your pecker anytime you want.

It's fantastic.

Speaking of which, Dewey,

I need pictures of your sister immediately.

My sister. [snickering]

[Backwoods]. Yes.

Oh, wait a minute. You gross-

So do we just sit here all night

and play Dungeons and Dildos?

Nope. We got emergency work here, guys and gal.

The stripper tower is fucked,

and we don't know if it's leaking or not,

so everyone's gotta keep their exposure monitors

on them at all times.

Dewey. [whistles]

Stripper tower sounds fun.

What goes on there?

It's not exactly what you think, so don't get all horned up,

you creepy little cricket.

Weren't you just planning to pull your goalie

to Dewey's sister?

[Backwoods]. Bingo. The stripper tower separates the gas

and a bunch of other shit that I don't give a fuck about.

So I'm gonna go get the permits

and we're gonna find out our marching orders.

[Dewey]. Well, be careful.

You've gotta go into the control room.

You may see him.

I know what I'm doing, Dewey.

I'm not afraid of that albino.

He's just a very sad, sad and lonely man.

I'll be back.

Who are we talking about?

He's been on nights for 12 consecutive years.

I've never seen his face.

They call him, "Opsferatu".

I don't wanna speculate,

but I have reason to believe...

he's a vampire.

[eerie music]

Knock, knock.

Well, see what movie we're watching tonight,

ya lazy fucks.

[Dewey]. He put a curse on the night shift.

People see things, they hear things.

they speak in tongues.

Opsferatu prefers to feed on apprentices

because their blood isn't fully poisoned from the refinery.

It fucking stinks.

[eerie music]

There's a strange rotten egg smell whenever he's around.

The whole plant smells like sulphur, Dewey,

so quit fuckin' with them.

There's the permits.

Looks like we're going outside.

My guys will build a scaffold up to the points of interest,

and then you can scamper up there

and put your little itty-bitty tags.

Please show some respect.

Yes, sir.

To put anybody's concerns to bed,

nights are only temporary

until we sort this fucking problem out.

Now this is Dippity's first night as foreman.

Now, he's got no manpower and no authorities,

so I'm pretty sure he is gonna fuck this up for someone,

if not all of us, and make it very uncomfortable.

What is that?

It's garlic spread.

It's a full moon.

That's werewolves, dummy.

He may be a hybrid.

[Backwoods groaning]

[eerie music]

Oh, well, technically you're supposed to be carrying this

'cause you're my minion.

Dewey, there you are.

You run into any problems or have any questions,

I'm on channel two.

What are you doing? Where are you going?

What about the tools?

What am I, your fucking sherpa?

Holy shit!

Someone's getting big for her britches.

Oh.

[spooky music]

[Backwoods]. Dewey, I know it doesn't make sense,

but we're gonna rub this shit up.

[spooky music continues]

Dewey! - Oh!

We need all the gear up there to green tag the scaffold, man.

Read the fucking play, man, please.

Jeez! Gonna make me piss me pants!

Apparently so.

Oh. See? Ah.

[Backwoods laughing]

Yeah, fuck that. [grunts]

Auds! We're roping it up.

That's it. Put your back into it.

Okay. Which, just let me find it for a sec.

Oh my God, is he always this slow?

Not normally. Dewey!

Ah, that's wrong!

No, it's here on the red for the four-six.

It's a two-inch, 300!

Thought you had a photographic memory.

What? I don't,

but I do remember the stunned-ass look on his face

the first time I met him.

And look at that, my dear. There it is again.

Settle in, we're in for a long shift.

Oh fuck.

[distant shrieking]

What the fuck was that?

Hey, are we the only ones out here?

Yes, we are the only ones out here.

That's why you need to hustle up.

Hey guys, I'm not feeling the best.

I need a bio-break.

A what?

He's gotta have a shit.

Oh.

[Backwoods]. Look at him run. He's so gangly.

He's like a baby giraffe on ice skates or something flailing.

Oh! Got you, ya little bitch.

[gasps] The bugs out here are brutal, man.

Still. God, they're relentless.

But that is an indication that you shower too much.

They, uh, they're attracted to, uh [sniffs]

nice smelling things.

Oh, I guess you're safe then.

Always am.

[sniffs] Still good.

[eerie music]

♪

He's not real. He's not real.

They're just made up stories to mess with me,

that's it.

Wait, did I make up the stories?

Am I messing with me?

Hello? Anyone? Anyone? [echoes]

Bowwowwow, woopie ball, woopie ball? [echoes]

[eerie music continues]

Okay, okay. Just gotta get inside.

[door clattering]

God. Who locked this?

God. Open it!

Alright, go.

Whoopsy, Dewey. Okay, wrong way.

I gotta go back. Okay.

Okay, no, I ain't going over there.

[eerie music] [Dewey panting]

[eerie music swells]

♪

Oh God!

I just, I did this!

[eerie music continues]

You go away again! Ah!

Okay. Oh God!

Stop! Stop!

Stay away beast!

[Dewey groaning]

You wanna play?

You wanna play with the night foreman?

Well, you can play.

But you're not gonna win.

[Dewey groaning]

Did he get me? Did he bite me?

You vicious beast!

[Audrey]. Where the hell is Dewey?

Should we call for help?

Fuck no.

Only the weak call for help.

[radio static crackling]

Fuck!

[distorted screaming over radio]

I dunno.

It's gotta be some fat-ass sitting on his walkie

or somethin'.

Yeah, a fat ass.

[Backwoods]. And Dewey will be back.

Man makes a dollar, we make a dime,

and that's why we shit on company time.

I encourage you to do the same.

I don't know, man. I'm...

I feel like I'm seeing double.

Is this curse real? Was Dewey right?

[grunts] Fuck no.

Dumbledick is never right.

I gotta get something over here.

[Backwoods grunting]

[eerie music]

♪

Fuck's sake.

Well, I can't explain that,

but it is close enough to break time, so let's go.

Okay. Vampires will only come in if you invite them in.

That's pretty respectful.

Okay. Well, what if I invite them in?

Well, why would you do that?

Well, I don't know, you fucking tell me, man!

Oh God.

[Dewey gasping]

[eerie music]

[heavy panting]

[Dewey gasping]

[banging]

Shit.

[banging]

Occupied!

Ocupado.

[makes loud farting noise]

See? It's bad.

It's a bad scene. You don't want this.

Very garlicky.

I am freaking the fuck out.

What if Opsferatu's in our minds?

Nope, he's not. It's not a thing.

Well, we both saw him, right?

See, this is why I fuckin' hate Halloween.

Ever since my parents sent me to clown school as a kid,

I'm a big scaredy cat.

[Backwoods]. This place gives me the heebie-jeebies at night.

Dude, what if we were exposed to fumes?

We weren't wearing our masks.

It could be fatal.

See these things?

They register shit like that.

Hasn't beeped once. We're good.

[distant shrieking] [Audrey gasping]

[whispers] Did you hear that?

Kinda.

It's the curse.

No, no, no, no!

Auds, damn it, man.

That's gonna go on our safety record.

They don't fucking read safety records at your funeral.

Fair enough. Let's keep going.

We gotta get back to our unit.

[alarm beeping]

[eerie music]

[Audrey gasping]

[eerie music swells]

[Backwoods]. Come on. Let's go.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

[Backwoods]. Hurry. Keep up.

What the fucking, guys don't clean shit up.

[Audrey]. I hate this place.

Fuckin'...

Auds, what are you-

Oh fuck! - [screams] Oh fuck!

[Conchie laughing]

Aw, Conchie.

Conchie is a dick.

Peace out, buddy.

[Audrey]. Fuck that scared me.

Tell me about it.

I don't even know where we are.

It's like HR or something.

This looks disgusting in here.

What is this?

[Backwoods]. I don't know.

Is this a chemical leak? - What?

Is this benzene? - I don't [sniffs].

Oh! Fuck! That's puke.

Oh fuck.

Carry on.

What the fuck? That's nasty!

[overlapping yelling]

Holy shit, you sick little tiny dick!

Fuck, the place is covered in it!

Your barf reeks!

[Audrey]. What the fuck is happening, Reggie?

I'm really starting to lose it!

I don't fuckin' know!

We gotta get the fuck outta here!

I've never seen anything like this in my fucking life!

Everything's fucking shit and puke.

Holy fuck! - Oh my God!

They're coming at us!

We gotta fucking go! - Ahhhhhhhh!

We gotta go! Don't fucking touch her!

No, please!

[Audrey sobbing]

Audrey don't look, it ain't pretty! AH!

Oh my God!

[sobs] Help me.

[loud squirting noises]

[Audrey]. Oh my God, Reggie.

I need a bathroom.

Bathroom, right there.

Doogie, you need a shower.

That is fucking disgusting!

[Doogie grunting] [Audrey crying out]

[Backwoods]. Hold on to it! Hold on to it!

What is it?

Oh!

Oh God! There it goes.

Good girl, thatta girl. Ooh!

[Dewey over radio]. Guys, come in.

There's something unnatural amongst us.

He's infected us.

Dewey, we're a little busy here.

You're on your own.

[Audrey spewing]

Ooh! Oh, come on, Reggie, think of something awesome.

Fishing, think of baseball.

Reggie, just let it out, man.

My body, my choice.

[Audrey spewing]

I haven't puked since I was on the titty.

[Backwoods groaning]

[Backwoods spewing]

[Audrey]. Oh yeah, buddy.

Oh, look!

There's the red pepper jelly.

[loud spewing sounds over radio]

[loud screaming over radio]

I'm too late, he got them.

[loud groaning over radio]

Guys, I changed my mind.

Nights are not awesome.

I'm having a terrible time.

[sorrowful music]

I'm on my own now.

[Dewey whimpering]

Daines, my big sis, my North Star.

You'll never have to shave my back again

or check me for ticks in the summer months.

Todd-father, my big brother,

my best friend.

[sobbing] Oh God.

I wish I could smell your cologne one last time.

Because right now, all I can smell is shit.

[suspenseful music]

Who gets murdered in here?

Let's not find out, okay?

Come on, let's just get outta here.

Oh fuck! - Let's go! Let's go!

Oh God.

Come on!

[soft groaning]

[Backwoods]. Dale-doe!

[Audrey]. Dewey!

Dale-doe!

Dewey, where are you?

Dale-doe!

Dewey! - Dew worm!

We've gotta get outta here!

Where the fuck are ya buddy?

[Dewey]. Guys? Is that you?

Fuck! - He's in the shitter!

Dewey, are you in here?

[Dewey]. Careful! He's in the vicinity!

Black boots. - [Audrey] Dewey, come out!

Red eyes. - It's Audrey.

Are you just pooping?

[Dewey]. I'm not coming out! I'm possessed!

Opsferatu got me.

He's not coming out. He's possessed.

Opsferatu got him.

We gotta get him out!

No, I'm not going in there when the man's taking a shit.

I don't want your help. - [Backwoods] Please, Audrey!

[Audrey] Help me! - Save yourself!

I told you, he doesn't want our help!

I can hear everything he's saying.

You know that right?

[water swishing] [eerie music]

[Dewey gasping] [muted arguing]

[eerie music continues] [muted arguing]

[suspenseful music] [muted arguing]

[Opsferatu]. [demonic voice] You dropped something.

[eerie music]

Hey. [Dewey screaming]

[Opsferatu growling]

Let's get him out!

What the fuck? Dewey, please forgive us.

Forgive us, Dewey. - Dewey! Dewey!

I'm not gonna go.

Hang on, buddy. We're almost there!

No! No, God!

I can't fucking push it over.

I don't... I can't.

What are ya doing?

What's-what's happening?

I'm coming in!

[Backwoods]. Oh God, hold on, Dewey!

Oh God, forgive us!

Ahhhhhhhh!! - [Dewey] Ahhhh!

Oh God!

Oh! Dewey! Dewey!

You're safe!

We saved you, buddy.

So sorry, Dewey.

Ah! My walkie talkie.

[sobs] No, that is a turd. That is a human turd.

Dewey, Dewey! Your face!

What? I can't see my face.

Why is your face all blue?

What the fuck happened to you?

I'm turning.

[Audrey]. Holy shit, you're turning!

I'm undead!

[shrieking and growling]

[Dewey]. It's happening, it's happening!

What are we doing?

Auds, look. Where are you going?

[Backwoods]. Audrey, where the fuck are you going now?

Why are they walking away?

Where are they walking? You shouldn't walk over there.

Why aren't they listening to me?

Why am I talking to myself?

Because I'm the only one that understands me?

That makes perfect sense to me.

Audrey!

Audrey, what the fuck are you doing?

Where are you going?

[tense dramatic music]

[Backwoods]. What tomfuckery is this?

Guys, I'm so scared.

Please, somebody hold me.

By somebody, I mean Audrey.

Don't touch me.

Auds, you've been bit!

Huh?

Oh fuck!

Oh, mighty dark one!

The wounds are weeping.

She will pledge her allegiance.

No, I won't.

I think I'm growing more hair than normal!

I did the DNA test.

I'm actually 80% Neanderthal.

You're a werewolf.

Yes, finally.

Lycan means werewolf in Greek. - Huh?

I don't know if I shit myself or if I'm growing a tail,

but there's definitely something back there.

[Dewey]. See? I told you!

It's Opsferatu!

[Backwoods]. Here we go.

[Dewey]. It's him! It's him!

[Opsferatu growling]

We gotta fight this guy.

Stab this sucker right through the heart!

I came here to do two things.

Fit pipes and kick ass!

Well, I'm not a very good pipe fitter,

so let's fucking dance!

[Backwoods howling]

It's go time, you blood-sucking bastard.

[Dewey]. You're gonna dance with the garlic man!

[loud growling]

[Backwoods barking] [Audrey screaming]

[everyone growling]

Oooooooohhhhhh!

Hey Todd, if you get a video text from me,

just delete it, okay?

Let's go.

See ya, Bluey.

[Dewey]. It's okay if you send me flowers.

[Taser]. What the fuck did Dewey do?

Guys, follow me.

Fuck knows, man.

Keep an eye on that guy.

Alright, keep your distance.

We don't know what this is.

[Todd]. Auds, you okay?

I'm good, we're good.

Just a sore tummy and a headache.

Yeah, I think I prolapsed my asshole.

Okay guys, let's get you checked out.

There's shit everywhere. - Have a seat over here.

[Todd]. Darryl, looks like you had an interesting night.

Stool.

[Todd]. Not the shift change I was expecting on my first day back.

How many recordables are we talking about?

No leaks, no injuries.

Just gotta hose the place down.

Hose down? Why?

It's a shit show. Literally.

Your crew is, uh, really weird.

You're the last one standin', so gimme the play by play

It started off like any other night shift.

Hello? Hello? Anybody home?

Shit.

[Darryl]. When I was having my standup nap,

Backwoods came in and got the work permit.

And as the night went on, nothing was getting done.

So I just did everything myself.

[weird radio noises]

[Darryl]. I saw Dale on my rounds.

I thought he was pranking me over the radio.

Then he took off running. - Oh God!

[Darryl]. It was the weirdest thing.

What the fuck?

I followed him to the can, but...

[Dewey]. Occupied! Occupado!

[Darryl]. It sounded like he was having issues in there,

so I just let him be and got back to work.

What the hell happened to Backwoods and my sister?

What was all over their face?

Puke. That's barf. - Ugh.

Your whole crew was spewing chunks.

Everybody?

Like, do we need to drug test everyone?

Wouldn't be a bad idea.

I was in the skyjack pulling the final blind out.

It definitely looked like they were on something.

I don't know! I don't know!

[Darryl]. It looked like they were having a bit too much fun

rolling around in the yard.

[Backwoods whimpering] [Backwoods gagging]

[Darryl]. Then everything came back online.

I went for nap number two.

When I saw the carnage,

I called the emergency line.

Hell of a night.

What about that banshee noise following us around all night?

[high-pitched sneezing]

Sorry, guys, allergies are bad.

Nevermind.

Yep, that was it.

So you got the stripper tower back online all by yourself?

Your crew pretty much just got in the way.

Hey. - Bullshit.

That guy gives me the creeps.

No contaminants.

You guys are good to enter.

Just plug your noses.

Sorry.

I'm not.

What the fuck went on here last night?

Guess we'll never know.

[mysterious music]

Oh God.

Marcus, what do we got here?

Don't touch.

[Tanner gagging]

[Dewey]. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Tanner, we do not waste around here.

You know what time it is?

End of the week.

Redneck charcuterie.

Okay.

[Tanner coughing]

All right, Dew-dog.

Do your thing.

Chicken? [sniffs]

Must be fish.

Oh, my Aunt Clementine was right,

I should have been a chef.

Ooh, red pepper jelly.

A little mould.

Daddy's not afraid of that.

Cheetos.

Dewey likes to shed a little Parmesan.

Ooh, Mr. Sauerkraut.

Little plopper.

I know I had a band-aid.

[mysterious music]

My greatest accomplishment yet.

Bon appétit, Conch Industries.

[mysterious music swells]

♪

[Dewey on video]. You were a very special person to me.

I've always loved you.

Your smile.

The way you laugh in your sleep.

I also have to tell you that three years ago,

when you were at the fall fair

and you were in the bouncy castle,

your left titty popped out.

It happened so quickly and you didn't think anybody saw,

but I saw it.

Two thumbs up.

Ew.

[Dewey on video]. I need you to marry my sister.

I know it can be difficult to get past the fact

that we look alike, but if I'm gone,

Jane needs a father figure.

Okay, no more night shifts for Dewey.

[eerie music]

♪

[Opsferatu gurgling]

[demonic chuckling]

[eerie music continues]

♪

[Doogie whimpering]

[eerie music continues]

[eerie music continues]

[screaming]