Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

- You've stopped taking your antidepressants?

- Yes.

- No other medications?

- No.

- Well, I think i's time we start looking

at some alternative therapies.

And w'll need to bring your husband in on those.

It gets pretty expensive from here on out, I'm afraid.

- I thought if I stayed in shape I'd have more time.

- A lot of women make that mistake.

- Honey, this is grown-up time.

Leave mommy alone.

- Can I please have a massage?

Please?

- I said, no!

Now leave Mommy alone.

Go on. Go!

Can you please take her with you when you leave?

- So, I dreamt about the accident again.

Only this time, my brains were smeared

all over the road.

- This casting director is a bitch with a capital "C."

- Lay down.

- I'm just really nervous.

- Shh.

- Come to the audition with me.

- [exhales] I can't.

I have a new client this afternoon.

Hi, i's Jane Hawkins.

- You can set up outside by the pool.

- What the hell are you staying in shape for?

- Denise?

- [laughs] It really is you.

I got a referral, and it was the same name,

and I just--I had to know if it was you.

Oh, come press my laundry.

- I'm sorry.

- Well, I understand why you fell off the radar.

Certainly marrying him explains a thing or two.

- Well, you look like you've done all right.

- I divorced up. [laughs]

To...not-so-old friends.

[glasses clink]

Well, you obviously did't get the memo.

- The memo? - The war's over.

Did't you hear?

You can come out now and start eating

chocolate and cheese. - I do.

- Well, somehow i's not having the same effect.

- [laughs] - Oh, God.

Come on. I'll show you around the hovel.

- Yard...

Back to the huddle.

Second down and nine, from their own 35.

Just over nine minutes to go in this quarter.

They need to score.

[TV chatter in background]

More Monday Night Football

after these words from our sponsors.

- Introducing P90X.

And two washboard ab-ripping routines.

This training system was designed with one goal in mind--

To get you absolutely ripped.

[sultry music]

* *

[both moan]

- [clears throat]

- I don't mean to be the nosy neighbor,

but is everything all right?

[pants] - I'm fine.

- Okay.

Okay.

- I thought i'd be easy, you know?

I thought...

I could make an accident happen.

- Well, you did that, all right.

You married him.

- I's not his fault. I'm the withered husk.

- Oh, God, sweetie.

Don't go there.

You want kids, take mine.

The're ungrateful bastards, all of them.

[chuckles] Expensive, too.

- Yeah, tha's his argument.

- Well, don't put me in his corner.

H's an idiot.

And so are you.

"Withered husk"?

Eat some butter, for Chris's sake.

You make me feel like crap just looking at you.

- [sighs]

- Sweetie,

there's still plenty of things you can do

with that husk of yours.

[sea gulls squawk]

- All right. Let's do that again.

Okay, put your chin up.

Arms up, just like that.

There you go.

Eyes down. Nice.

Look at your feet-- Yeah, just like that.

Go way up on your toes.

Nice. Tha's it.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Yeah?

- I just wanted to introduce myself.

My name is Nicole.

- I'm Jane.

- Yeah, I know who you are.

Can I ask you a question?

- Okay.

- Are you afraid of heights?

- [announcer on TV] One yard.

- Hi, honey.

[crowd cheering on TV]

Hey, can you get us a round of beers in here?

- No, I'll get it.

Hey, hot stuff. Wha'd you do today?

- Walked into a gym for the first time in ten years.

- Been that long for me, too.

- Harder! Harder! Harder! Harder!

[door closes]

- Hi.

I'm sorry. I must have the wrong place.

- No, you don't.

I'm so glad you could make it.

Come on in.

Serena, this is Jane.

Jane, this is Serena.

Seren's in my adult class and kicking butt.

- That was beautiful.

- Thanks.

- Serena, could you step on the ladder for me?

- Sure.

- Okay.

I want you to climb up.

- Okay.

- Start from a sitting position on the floor.

And don't use your legs.

- Don't use my legs?

- No legs.

Here, put some of this on your hands.

Okay. Now get up.

Good.

Go, go. Get up.

Get up!

- [grunts]

[laughs] Okay.

I suck.

- No, tha's all right.

No shame there. You're good.

- Jane, you're up.

- She's not Jane.

She's Tarzan.

- [grunts] - She has the strength.

But you have the grace.

- [laughs]

- Now if I can just get the two of you

to rub off on each other,

then, you'll have the whole package.

And tha's money in the bank.

- Nice.

- I'm sorry, 'm confused.

What are we doing?

- Did't tell you?

I's just a little thing called...

- [laughs]

- Showbiz!

- Yeah!

- Showbiz?

- The idea is to get a job in Vegas.

- Oh, wow.

So are you gonna do it?

- I might. I've got a lot to learn.

Gonna have to practice almost every day.

- Wow.

So you think yo'd still have energy to run?

- Yeah, well, aerials are all upper body,

so the answer is yes.

Got to keep the body balanced.

- Oh, you're balanced.

- You're so sweet.

- No, not sweet.

I'm a bad-ass from the wrong side of town.

Yeah, you better run!

- [laughs]

Don't just hang there.

Respond to the fabric.

Make wings...

and tap...

and then pull yourselves up.

You got it?

- [grunts]

Can we take a break?

- Yeah, you don't even have to ask.

As soon as you feel weak, let yourself down.

The general rule is, if you feel like

you're gonna fall, you probably will.

- Ooh.

- Fabric bite you? - Yeah, a little bit.

Got to build up my calluses again.

Fun!

- Ow.

Ow! Wha's with the hands?

I's like sandpaper.

- Oh.

[laughter]

How's it hangin' over there?

- Hey, everybody, say hey to Jimmy.

Jimmy runs the place.

- Hey, Jimmy. - Hey, Jimmy.

- Ladies.

- Hup!

You've got to try to find a focal point.

Try staring at your hands.

You need a break?

- No way.

- Sorry, can you use your hands?

Yeah. Harder.

A little harder.

Tha's right? - Oh.

Throw it over your left shoulder.

Good, and pull yourself up.

Yeah.

- How did you know I was gonna love this?

- When you came in that day,

I could tell you had some unfinished business.

- [grunts] - [laughs]

- Sweet!

- [panting]

- Wha's the date today?

- I think i's the 12th.

- Did you say something?

- Oh, put that away, silly!

- How's that feel?

I've made you keys in case you ever want to run away from home.

[laughs]

Yeah, I dug that up.

The Hawk and the Hammer.

- We made quite a pair.

- Yeah, I was always the pretty one.

- But I always brought home the hardware.

- Oh, who can be bothered with all that bric-a-brac?

- Tha's nice. Where did you get that?

- It was a gift from Denise Winfield, actually.

- The Hammer? Jeez.

- Don't worry, she does't want to see you either.

She just bought a house in Malibu.

- There goes the neighborhood.

Whoa.

Where'd you get that?

- Oh.

- And this?

You've got to take that off.

- Why? It's beautiful. - I'm serious.

Take it off.

- No.

- People are gonna think I beat you.

Please, okay? Find something else to wear.

I beg you.

What have you been doing, stunt work?

Now that looks like a rug burn.

- Meaning what?

- I don't know. You tell me.

How would you get a rug burn?

- I's a fabric burn.

- Nice distinction.

- David, please.

- So, who is it?

Is it Dan, the little weasel?

- You're about to feel really stupid.

- You did't have to be so mysterious about it.

- Can I just have one thing tha's not about us?

[engine turns] - Sure.

You know, you have been all over the map lately.

- Oh, no, Serena, other leg.

Honey, it's the other leg.

- [gasps] [thud]

[groans]

- Breathe into my hand.

Breathe into my hand.

Just relax. You knocked your wind out.

Okay? - You all right?

- [breathing heavily]

- Everything still working?

- [breathing heavily] - Breathe, breathe.

Okay?

- Let's not make that part of the act, okay.

- [laughs] Okay.

[crying]

- Okay?

You want to try to get up?

Let's try.

- Okay. - Come on.

- Oh. You okay? - [laughs]

- Our Vegas audition is next week,

if we can manage not to kill ourselves first.

- Well, I think you're crackers.

- Oh, no, I gotta drive.

- Spend the night.

- Oh, yeah, I'd love to hear that conversation.

- You ought to give him something to be jealous about.

- There's this guy that lives next door who's kinda sweet.

- Oh, please.

If yo're gonna step out,

expand your horizons a little.

- And?

- Men are boring.

- Denise!

When did this happen?

- Between marriages.

Sometimes during.

- I'm shocked.

- I don't see why.

I seem to remember your tongue

in my mouth sophomore year.

- Oh, come on, You can't count that.

- Oh, give a girl a complex, why don't you?

[blows raspberry]

- Hey.

You just missed'em.

- Wha's that? - Yeah, a bit of bad news.

Nikky's kid was in an accident,

so Serena's taking her to the airport.

- Oh, my God.

I did't even know she had kids.

- Yeah, he lives with his father in Atlanta.

It sounded bad, the way they ran out of here.

One of them calls you never want to get, you know?

- Yeah.

- Hey, if you're not rehearsing,

can you take the stuff down?

- Sure.

[door closes]

- [announcer on TV] How do I feel so young?

I don't, but it sure helps to look it.

Your skin deserves the best, and so do you.

Try our new rejuvenating formula...

[turns off TV]

David...

I want to have a baby.

I's now or never, and I'd rather it be now.

- Do you think you still can?

- Well, I don't know.

I's--There are some tests we need to take.

I's expensive.

- Why don't you just go off the pill

and w'll just see what happens.

- I did.

- Do you have any idea how completely selfish that is?

You know, not to mention how expensive

that could have been?

[mug shatters]

- You all right?

Wha's that obnoxious thing that people do

when a waiter drops a glass?

They start clapping.

[phone rings]

[phone beeps]

- Hi, this is Serena.

I'm trying to reach Jane.

I got your number--

- Hello, hello, hello?

Hi.

Hey. How are you?

Yeah, I know.

I spoke with Nicole last week.

Thank goodness.

Wha's that?

Really?

And tha's cool with Jimmy?

Hello, Dan.

- There goes my rabbit!

- Hey, check you out.

- Yeah, I got here early.

I thought w'd play on this side

of the room for a change.

- Okay.

- Hey.

Thanks for the call.

Really.

I won't go into it, but I can tell you

your timing was perfect.

So what should we do?

- I don't know.

Maybe stretch.

- Right.

- I think tha's right.

- Okay.

Get ready to dial 911.

- [laughs]

Nice.

- Feel a little out of shape.

- Yeah, right.

- You want to throw it over both legs first.

Tha's it.

- [gasps] [thud]

- Wha's up?

You were fine. The wrap was good.

- [exhales]

- Wha's the matter?

- I got spooked.

- I's because you fell.

We can work low.

- Tha's a showstopper.

- Just for now.

I once slipped and straddled the balance beam so hard

my cooter went up in my throat.

- Oi!

- And when I could walk again, my coach forced me

to get back on the beam, which I swore

I would never ever do.

But I won nationals a few months later,

so I was glad he did.

- Uh-huh.

- Meaning get your ass back up there!

- [sighs]

- You don't have to climb high. Just do a single.

- Don't ever tell me that story again.

- Come on, get up there.

Good, you're doing great.

Good, tha's it.

Want to go higher?

- No. I'm fine.

[grunts]

[gasps]

- Oh! - Oh.

- What was that?

- Nothing.

- Do you live in a bad neighborhood?

Maybe w're aiming too high.

Let's forget about Vegas.

We should just try to get a few gigs in town.

- I don't know.

I'm thinking this whole thing was't such a good idea.

- Hey, do't make me tell the cooter story again.

- Okay, then, I tell you what.

I've got something tha's gonna be perfect

for those other clients you mentioned.

I's a yacht, okay?

And i's staffed by six hostesses

who take care of the needs of up to four male guests.

And once it reaches international waters,

it becomes a floating casino,

and whatever else you want it to be.

"Whatever happens offshore, stays offshore!"

Right.

- Two, three, four, five.

Yes!

Ye--five!

Tha's getting better.

- I suck!

- Keep your legs tight when yo're in the straddle,

and then lower your body straight.

Go slow, slow. - [groans]

- Tha's good, tha's good.

Like this.

- This?

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah! Awesome. Do it again.

- Oh!

- Going down.

I'm stuck.

Six, seven, eight.

Good!

We need an act.

- We need Nicole.

- You're a dancer. Choreograph something.

- Hah!

- Come on. Rise up, girlfriend.

- I'm so sore!

- [chuckles]

- Five, six, seven, eight.

Extend again.

Two, three, four.

Front leg.

Two, three, four...

Sorry.

I got lost in the count.

- You'll get it.

- I think we need a gimmick.

- You mean besides the token Asian thing.

- Way besides that.

- We could do it nude.

- Ooh. - [chuckles]

both: Maybe not.

- We could both get in the same hammock.

We could do porting moves.

I's a hand grip, i's like this.

Here, do this.

Okay, now grab my wrists.

See, you hang on to me, I hang on to you.

I's solid.

- Cool.

- I got you.

[chuckles]

Do you want to go upside-down?

[laughs]

I so have you.

Gorgeous!

- [laughs]

- Do you want to do one arm?

- Can you? - I got you.

Wow.

[laughs] - Oh, that hurts.

I's my turn.

Can you grab me by the waist? Maybe?

- Okay. - Okay.

Now give me your hand.

- Nice. - Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- You can do it.

Oh, lovely.

[sighs]

- What now?

- Arch up.

- Should we sit?

- I'll go on this side. - Okay.

- Can you see me?

- Yeah, I got you.

Okay.

- I've got to save some energy for the benefit tonight.

Can you break it down?

- Yes.

- You're still coming tonight, right?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- [choking]

[coughing]

- Wow, look at you. You're on the ball.

You know we don't have to be there until 8:30.

Wha's wrong?

- I messed up.

- What?

Jane, we had a plan.

- Look, I said 'm sorry.

But I think I can miss one company party.

- The're gonna give me an award.

- Oh. What is it?

- I don't know.

Something stupid, probably.

- Well, congratulations.

- Tha's great, Jane.

Just great.

Thank you very, very much.

[indistinct chatter]

[gentle music]

* *

[indistinct chatter]

[cheers and applause]

- Hey!

I did't think you were gonna make it.

- Wonderful. You did a great job.

- How are you doi'?

- Good. - Good to see you.

Oh, oh. Jane!

Hey! Jane!

- Hey. - Hey.

Hey.

Oh, you were so beautiful.

I just wish Nicole had seen you.

- Oh, look at you. You're stunning.

- I feel a little overdressed.

- No, you're gorgeous. - Honey...

Honey, I just need to grab you for a sec.

There are some people I need you to meet.

- Oh, okay. - Okay, you were great.

I'll see you Monday. - Okay.

Hey! Hey!

You've never seen my house before?

- No, I haven't.

- Want to check it out? I's not far.

- Okay.

- Okay. Follow me. - Okay.

You live alone?

- Yes.

- I'm impressed.

I did't know dancers made that much.

- It helps if you're a soloist in a company.

- Which you were?

- Yes.

- But not anymore?

- Nope.

These...are my babies.

- Whoa!

- You met her.

- Is she a switchblade?

- Not quite.

Switchblades are spring-loaded,

which makes them illegal.

This one is spring-assisted.

- Ah.

This one-- She's a switchblade.

- All right, you have to explain it to me again.

- What? - About the knives.

- I just like'em.

- Go deeper, please.

- I's beautiful.

- I's a weapon.

- I's art.

- I's a beautifully artful weapon.

- Exactly.

- Have you ever had to use it?

- Just did.

- I mean on people who are't made of cheese.

- No.

- A therapist would have a field day with this.

- Here.

Open it.

- It is beautiful.

- Now close it.

Clip it to your pants.

No, on the inside.

Yeah.

- [chuckles]

- How does it feel?

- I don't know.

Oh, like, you don't want to mess with me?

- Right.

Um...

I'm gonna get some water.

Do you want some?

- No, I'm good.

- Okay.

- Hey, you know, I'm just gonna head out.

I's late.

It sticks.

Okay, well...

I'll see you Monday.

You were great.

- Is that a knife in your pocket

or are you just happy to see me?

- [laughs] Oh, sorry.

Here.

- Keep it.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

I'll see you Monday.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Bye.

Hey.

I had it off for the performance.

Yeah. I'm on my way now.

[engine turns]

- So, I was wondering if...

you might wanna...

go out and have a drink sometime.

I mean, not like a date, of course,

but just, you know, give us a chance

to have a conversation without hyperventilation.

- Tha's sweet, Dan.

- No, not sweet. Not sweet.

Here, wait.

Wait.

I's just...

I hear the fights, and I feel bad.

I-I want to help out if I can,

if you want to talk.

- Tha's--Thank you. Tha's nice.

- No, no, no, no. I's not nice.

I'm asking you out on a date because your husband

treats you like crap.

And I know that you're extraordinary.

I am not a nice man.

But I am a nice guy, so...

- All right.

I'll go out with you if and when you can catch me.

- No!

No!

- [announcer on radio] Another beautiful Sunday

in L.A. unless yo're driving on the 405,

where it is just ugly.

A more complete check on traffic and weather

right after this.

- Wow, so this is what you've been up to.

- Yeah.

- Keep going.

- No, I'm beat. - All right.

[grunts]

You make it look so easy.

- Don't break the tree.

Um, hey.

Just calling to say hi and see what you were doing.

Okay, bye.

[phone beeps]

[sighs]

I's Jane, by the way.

Okay, bye.

[phone beeps]

- So after waiting two hours to take off

and unbelievable turbulence, we have to wait 45 minutes

on the ground before we can pull up to the gate.

And then it took another hour and a half to get home.

Ground control to Major Hawkins.

- Huh? Wha's that?

- Look, honey, if yo're gonna drink my booze,

you gotta hear my bullshit.

[laughs] - Sorry.

[gentle music]

* *

Is this too high? - No.

- Okay.

- Tha's our cue.

- Okay, okay.

- [exhales] Sorry.

If I put my arm under there-- Okay.

Can you move from there?

Okay, let's try that.

* *

[stops music]

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what 'm doing.

I'm sorry. Are you okay?

- No!

- It will never happen again.

I'm not, um, gay.

Just so you know.

- Well, I am.

- Oh.

- You thought I was straight?

- I just thought you were beautiful.

- A tourist checking out the scenery.

- No.

- Okay.

You're married.

W've got that.

And you think you're straight.

So le's just leave it there.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Please tell me wha's going on.

- Nothing.

I'm just training hard.

- [laughs]

Beautiful, you guys!

I'm very impressed.

- Thank you.

- When you perform it

you're gonna be higher up, right?

- Yes.

- Well, then the only thing I would say is

spice it up.

It needs a kiss in there somewhere.

- Oh, I don't know. - No, do it.

Trust me, i'll slay'em.

Oh, well, I could watch you two all day,

but I've got a plane to catch.

- Thank you for coming by. - Aw.

Well, listen, I'll be in New York until Monday so,

you've got the keys, right? - Mm-hmm.

- Serena, i's so nice to meet you, finally.

[chuckles] You are beyond gorgeous.

At 42, 'm thinking my bod's safely in retirement,

and here she is, a year older, still bouncing off the walls.

Love you. I hate you.

[laughs] I'll see you next week.

Great stuff!

- You are not 43.

- In a month.

- Okay. You're my hero.

- Hey!

What if I could get you

an audition for the Lido in Vegas?

- You're kidding! - You could do that?

- Well, if you sex it up, I think i'd be perfect.

What about the costumes?

- Oh, we have't got there yet.

- Hmm. I'll work on it.

Oh! Gotta go.

Bye!

- Vegas?

- [laughs] - Yeah!

- You still okay with this?

- As long as it's part of the act.

- Good.

- I'm not enjoying this.

- You are higher up though.

[door closes]

- Hey, girls.

- Hey.

Do you want to go out Friday night?

- You mean socialize?

- Yeah.

See a movie or something.

- I have a better idea.

- What you do?

You a mess.

This one looks like her husband beats her.

- This one looks like her husband draws on her.

Turn over.

- Kids today. No respect for their culture.

- I say turn over!

[gasps]

Holy fucking shit, what the hell is that?

- I's a thumb and forefinger!

- How come you don't speak Korean?

- I'm adopted.

I haven't been to Korea since I was two.

- Oh.

- And my folks are more likely to speak Yiddish

around the house.

- What?

- I'm a Goldberg. You did't know?

- I had you pegged for an 'Brien.

- You are so in the wrong part of town right now.

[kung fu grunting]

- [laughs]

- You don't know jack about Asians.

- You really do all look alike.

- There are many shades of yellow, big nose.

- Hey.

- I know Japanese girls with whiter skin than you.

Flips...

got the juicy booty.

Filipinos.

Koreans got the high cheekbones, like so.

Cambodians have teeth like the Brits,

and the Chinese have the big noses,

poor bastards.

- So what else?

- Korean ladies throw much attitude.

- And are shocked by pierced nipples.

- [laughs] A good icebreaker

with a Japanese girl is to say,

"Onada ooksigh," and make a face.

It means stinky smell.

They love their fart jokes.

- But you're a JAP.

Jewish Asian Princess.

- Was that your attempt at a joke?

'Cause I'll cut you.

I will cut you. - Hmm.

- Here...

Have some kimchi.

- Who's that?

- [laughs] Oh, my God, no...

If you learn this trick, you'll never have to

stand in line again.

- [laughs] You've got to be kidding.

- Push your hips forward.

Way forward.

[laughs] There you go.

- Oh. - Wha's up?

[laughter]

[laughs]

- So your parents don't know yo're gay?

How's that work?

- Not so great.

- What would happen if you told them?

- Don't want to get shipped back to Korea.

- Come on.

- I's fine.

The're just so old now.

Don't want to let them down.

[brakes squeal]

[engine shuts off]

Okay, Goldilocks.

- Well, that was fun.

- Yeah.

Shame we ca't rehearse the ending right now.

- Yeah.

You want to?

- Hell no.

You know the rules. - I know, but...

- Out of my car, bitch.

- Okay.

Hey.

What are you doing tomorrow?

- What you got?

- Oh!

This girl is hooked up!

- [grunting]

- How's that?

- Tha's good!

How do I look?

- You look good.

- Oh, God!

- Room number 29.

- I like it.

[sighs]

I could live here.

- Oh, I know.

Oh, I've got to show you something.

Come on.

- Okay.

- Are you kidding me?

[laughs]

Party!

I's my birthday! I's my birthday!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

What movies they got?

- What did you get?

- How do you work this stuff?

- Oh, i's up here.

- Okay.

[laughter]

Get the lights, Get the lights.

Focus.

- Shh. - Down in front.

- A terrible blow for this young woman.

And i's a devastating loss for the American team

going into these games.

- She's our best gymnast, Don. This is tragic.

- You can see the trainers performing what's called

a Thompson Test, so i's probably her Achilles, right?

- Right, and you do't come back from that.

You can see the look on her face.

She knows it.

- I's all the more tragic

because she could't compete in the 1980 Games.

- Because of the boycott. - Tha's right.

And we thought that was her year then.

- It was her year then.

And these Games were hers, I think, also.

And you know, she told me before these Games

that she had felt like an arrow

that had been pulled back but never released,

and that this was her chance.

- And it does't look like she's going

to get that release.

- I don't see how i's possible at this point.

She's already 22 years--

- I love scars.

- Figures.

Goes with the knives.

- I did't realize how famous you were.

- You just saw what 'm famous for.

- No.

- It was in every newspaper, magazine covers.

Turn on the TV and there I was,

flopping on the mat.

- [groans]

- You know, I used to think that was the worst thing

that ever happened to me until I had my,

"Oops, I forgot to have a baby," moment.

- When did you have that?

- All the time.

- Can I ask you something?

Is my pool heated?

[laughter]

Come on!

- [laughs]

- You know, those costumes will never work.

[splash]

- I hate to tell Denise.

- You guys are really tight.

- We were.

She loathes David, so we lost touch for a while.

- Wha'd he do?

- He knocked her up freshman year.

- Really? - Yeah.

They didn't handle it very well.

Look, it floats.

- When did you hook up with him?

- Oh, years after.

After the scar.

We made the perfect pair, really.

He wanted to be a big football star.

Boy, it really has been all downhill since college.

- I think I smell self-hatred.

- With that little nose?

- Self-hatred is the mothe's milk

of closeted lesbians...

everywhere.

- You can't hate yourself.

You're too magnificent.

- Look wh's talking.

- I don't hate myself. I hate my life.

There's a difference.

- At least you can change your life.

- And you can take your other foot out of the closet.

- I'd chop it off first.

- So then w'd be the perfect pair.

- [sniffs]

I'll tell my parents I'm gay

if you tell your husband you're leaving.

- How about I tell your folks yo're gay,

and you tell my husband I'm leaving?

- The'd never believe it.

- Neither would he.

- I'm serious.

- I've never done this part before.

- Yes, you have.

[breathing heavily]

[camera snaps]

[phone rings]

- That would be my mother calling.

- Bye. - Bye.

Hi.

- Hi.

Did you have fun at Denise's?

Yeah.

What are you doing?

- I thought I'd cook for a change.

Come.

[jazz music]

* *

Let's do it.

Let's have a baby.

What? - Come on.

W'll get the treatments,

w'll go for the in vitro--

whatever it takes.

- Stop it.

You make an appointment for those tests this week.

And I'll stop riding bicycles and wearing tighty whities.

- This is't funny.

- I'm serious.

- But i's too late.

- Then we'll adopt.

Honey, I am so sorry.

It just really hit me today.

- What?

- That 'm losing you.

Hey.

- I'm afraid this might be all over the internet by now.

- Oh, my God.

- I did't breath a word of this to him.

You know that.

You've met my daughter, Sandy.

- [sighs]

- I said spice up the act. I did't mean torch the place.

- I don't feel different.

I don't feel gay, whatever that means.

- Well, if yo're gonna slap a label on it,

i's called being bi.

Gay, straight-- She's gorgeous.

And you don't have to deal with your baby issues,

which is probably another part of the attraction.

- No, i's more than that.

- I'm sure it is, but...

[chuckles] Honey, look at the timing.

Have you ever been attracted to a woman before?

- Well...

no.

- So it's probably not a coincidence.

Tha's all.

Honey, I hope you put some sunscreen on

or yo're gonna look like an alligator bag

before yo're 20.

- [laughs]

Are you freaked out?

- Just a little.

- Don't worry.

I'm not your girlfriend.

- Well, poop.

- Tell Denise about the costumes?

- No.

She's gonna bring that guy from the Lido

down to see the act though.

- Great.

We still need to figure out what to wear.

- Yeah.

So is that it?

- Yeah.

I'm the one tha's gonna get hurt, right?

- No.

- Hey, girls.

- Hey, Jimmy. - Hey, Jimmy.

- Let's ask him if we can throw a party for the audition.

There's only one way this is gonna work.

- We should throw a party for your birthday,

if yo're not in Vegas.

- No way.

- Well, how about seeing some friends?

We could have dinner with Ken and Rebecca.

We have't seen them in a while.

- Yeah. - Great.

- David, I need to tell you something.

- We are not doing this here.

- [crying]

Why do you have to be so fucking stupid?

- Can I take your order now? - Yes.

What are you having, sweetie?

- I'll have, um...

the salad.

- Oh, come on, you can have more than that.

- No, this is fine.

This one.

- Okay. And you, sir?

- Uh, I'm gonna take a quick look here.

[glass shatters]

[applause]

- [laughs]

- David.

- Don't!

Don't. Just wait.

- We have to talk.

- [sighs]

Okay, let's hear it.

But first, I want you to know something.

I realize I've been asleep.

And I realize I've been selfish.

And I know 've taken you for granted.

And I'm sorry.

But please, let's not panic.

I want you to know I'm awake now.

I will change.

- I'm sorry, too.

But tha's not the change I need.

[doorbell rings]

- Oh!

- But I don't know what that means for us.

- It means reinventing our whole relationship.

Tha's what it means.

Tha's what we should have done every day

we woke up together.

Now look, if you get this gig in Vegas,

you're going away anyway.

So give us until then, at least.

I'm still in love with you, Hawkins.

Her's to you.

Her's to your life...

and it being whatever you want it to be.

[applause]

- Hey!

Sorry I'm late.

Thank you so much for doing this.

- No problem.

Denise is a good friend of my mom's.

- Is Serena here?

- Yeah.

- [laughs] - Oh.

How's it fit?

- Nice! - Nice!

- Hey.

You did it?

And everythin's okay?

- Wow.

This is gonna look awesome in the lights.

You wearing the same sort of thing?

- Yeah.

- Cool! Cool!

Well, let's hit it.

- You?

- Almost.

It was too complicated.

- Too complicated?

- Hey, Selena, can I get some shots of you

while she's getting dressed?

- I's Serena.

After the audition, I promise.

I am so happy for you.

Okay, just give me a couple of minutes.

- This is great!

Why don't you hop up and w'll take some more shots.

Nice.

Nice!

Wow.

Okay, let's see that smile you had goi' on before.

Good.

Let's open your eyes a little bit more this time, okay?

Okay, wider.

Okay, open your eyes.

- I'm Asian, you idiot!

- She's a beauty, anyway.

- Come on, let's not get crushed.

- Okay, okay, okay.

- Well, I hope you like it.

I had to divorce my third husband to pay for it.

- Oh, good. So no pressure then.

- The're here. - Are you sure?

- The Hamme's here anyway, and I figured

that guy with her's gotta be from the Lido.

So are you nervous?

- I'm excited.

- Tha's good because, you know, I'm a wreck.

- [laughs]

- Oh, hi.

- Hey.

You two haven't met yet, have you?

- No, no.

Just seen the poster.

I'm David.

- Serena.

- Nice to meet you.

- Okay, we gotta go get changed.

- Right, right.

Break a leg.

Break two legs.

[sensuous music]

* *

[applause]

[applause]

[gentle music]

* *

[sensuous music]

[applause]

* *

[shouting, applause]

[cheers and applause]

- Do it tonight.

[rock music]

* *

[laughs] - We nailed it!

- Do it.

- I don't want to make a scene.

- Make a scene.

- On Sunday, when I can talk to him alone.

Okay? I owe him that.

- Jan's not here.

- Yeah, I know.

Look, I don't know you, and I don't know

if yo're gonna string me a line of bullshit right now...

- What?

- So 'm just gonna say, end it.

W're trying to have a baby,

and tha's the most important thing to her,

and to me.

Don't destroy that.

- Did't I tell you?

Especially Jane.

- Oh, she was the blonde, yeah?

- Yeah.

We go way back.

Same gymnastic team.

- Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks for coming!

Bye.

- At 42, 'm thinking

my body's safely in retirement, you know?

And here she is, a year older,

and still bouncing off the walls.

- [laughs]

You're joking, aren't you?

- Nope. - She's 43?

- Isn't she amazing?

Puts me to shame.

What?

- Well, now would be a good time

to start lying about your age, darling.

- I lie about my weight, not my age.

- Well, be that as it may,

43 is far too old for the Lido.

[knock on door] - Come in.

- You almost ready to go?

- Oh, go ahead without me.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

I'll be right there.

- I am so proud of you.

You were amazing tonight.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

I'll see you back at home.

- Okay.

- Hey, wher'd you go?

I've been looking for you everywhere.

Call me.

- Oh, i's so hard to be a mother these days.

- She's a smart girl.

She'll be all right.

- Yeah, but she's still my baby.

- Shh, shh.

- Oh.

- I'm 28.

Sure...

I'm still interested.

Wow.

Thank you, Julian.

I don't think i'll be a problem.

We can audition people down there.

No, I understand.

She's-- she's fine.

- Missed you.

No on's as good as you, Jane,

even with the sandpaper hands.

I's like being loofahed.

Oh, you can charge extra.

Actually, i's not as bad as it was.

Ow! Ow!

Ow...

- [voice mail playing] One new message.

- Hey, Jane, it's Crystal.

Listen, I have a baby shower to go to this Wednesday,

so 'm wondering...

- Let me help you out there.

To chocolate, cheese, and booze.

- [laughs] Tha's right, baby.

Though not necessarily in that order.

- [sniffles]

- You know, you still got me, kid.

You know that, right? - Yeah.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

- Oh, wait!

Oh.

Happy Birthday to you.

- Happy Birthday to me.

[glasses clink]

Oh.

- Happy Birthday!

- Cute, cute.

- Hey, sorry 'm late.

I pushed our reservations back to 8:30.

What are you doing?

- I'm leaving.

- So where are you gonna go?

- I don't know.

- You owe me a lot.

But mostly, you owe me a massive apology.

- I'm sorry. - No.

No, no. You know, not once--

Not once did I ever step out on you.

So deal with that.

I could have hopped into bed

with a couple of Asian babes, too, you know.

- I am so sorry.

- Tha's the one I was looking for.

- How did you know?

- I did't.

But thanks for the confirmation.

I's a good thing I saved this.

- It was a really horrible thing to do,

but I did't do it to hurt you.

- Hurt me?

Honey, a man turns his wife gay,

I'd rather you put a bullet in my head.

- Don't put a label on it.

Tha's not what this is about.

- [sighs] I don't have to.

Everybody else will.

I's gonna make a great story. I can't wait to hear it.

- Then you tell whatever story you want.

Stop it!

[glass shatters]

- Just get out.

Get out!

You know, you're really full of it.

That whole thing about wanting kids was bullshit.

- No, it wasn't.

- Hell yes, it was. And I'll tell you why.

You would have never had kids, 'cause it would have

messed with that precious physique of yours.

And tha's the sad truth, Jane.

- No.

The truth is...

it was never clear to me

what I had to offer a child.

And you know what, David?

It was never clear to you either.

[scoffs]

[The Taxi Ride by Jane Siberry]

* *

- * It's clear to me now *

* I understand *

* A jump of cards in *

* an idle ma's hand *

* Oh, oh *

* Oh *

* Yo're sleeping *

* This is the story *

* of your leaving *

* I can win you with reason *

* I can make you agree *

* The way that I love you * [siren wails]

* It only makes sense that you love me *

* But down through *

* the sad facts *

* 'm sifting *

* You did not think this *

* without help from me *

* 've called a taxi *

* It's coming at dawn *

* I said, "Send the best one" *

* It's a long, long, lonely ride *

* to find the perfect lover *

* for your lover *

* and the morning ligh's *

* just breaking *

I thought I heard someone screaming outside,

but it was only a bus pulling away.

* Love is a strange thing *

* It depends what one gives *

* And sometimes to give means *

* give someone away *

* Oh, oh *

* Yo're sleeping *

* The same sad pillow *

* said you're leaving *

* I move with your breathing *

* I breathe *

* with your beauty *

* Your sweet heaviness *

* Your deep voice, your soft neck *

* I press my face Did you call me? *

* It's only the trees outside *

* Flailing *

* It's only the sirens *

* that are wailing *

* Hurry up, driver *

* Yo're going too slow *

* Ca't you go faster? *

* It's a long, long, lonely ride *

* to find the perfect lover for your lover *

* And the morning light *

* is just breaking *