Original subtitles

- Hi, I'm Patrick Star,

and I live with my parents.

Oh!

This is my dad.

This is my mom. Ooh-hoo!

[laughs] This is my sister.

She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room.

And this...

this is my show.

? ?

[dramatic music]

- Stay with me, Patrick.

Grab my hand, and don't let go.

- [groaning]

Squidina, I'm sorry.

You have to go on without me.

It's--it's too far.

Ugh.

- Come on. It's two steps.

And the Lawnies are waiting for the show to start.

- Patrick, Patrick!

- But we filmed yesterday.

I'm tired.

- Yesterday's episode was about naps!

- Now, that was good TV.

[snoring]

[airhorn blares] [screams]

- No, it wasn't.

Viewers want action!

But you can't even walk two steps to get onto the stage.

[sighs] Maybe this TV thing just isn't gonna work out.

- Did someone say, work out?

[heroic music]

? ?

I'm gonna help you get the pep back into your step.

- Dad!

[cheering]

- One, two, three, four.

[grunting]

- Wow. Patrick, are you seeing this?

- Whoa!

Woohoo!

- I can't do that.

- Don't fret, son.

We'll start with something simple.

Yep.

Dad-robics.

Dig deep.

Turn it up.

Get ready to move.

This just in. You're doing great.

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

One, two, three.

[spring launches, crash]

- That was a close one.

I almost had to exercise.

Yee.

Huh.

- Did someone say exercise?

[whistle blows]

? Every other Tuesday on cell block six ?

? The biggest and the toughest ?

? And most physically fit ?

? Are taking my Pilates class at half past 8:00 ?

? I brought 'em here today ?

? So we could demonstrate ?

? The Jailhouse Workout ?

- ? Jailhouse Workout ?

- ? The Jailhouse Workout ?

- ? Jailhouse Workout

- ? When you're starting out, yes, it can be a struggle ?

? But with the proper technique ?

? You'll find your strength is doubled ?

? Speaking of technique ?

? If you're going to do lifts ?

? Let your legs do the work ?

? And keep your posture like this ?

? And do the Jailhouse Workout ?

- ? Jailhouse Workout

- ? The Jailhouse Workout ?

- ? Jailhouse Workout ?

? Stop, what do you think you're doing ?

? There on the floor? ?

? You're going to need more mass ?

? If you want to work your core ?

? Now, do the Jailhouse Workout ?

- ? Jailhouse Workout ?

- ? The Jailhouse Workout ?

- ? Jailhouse workout ?

- ? If you want to stay in shape ?

? The Jailhouse Workout is great ?

? Cardio now!

? And a-one, two, three, four ?

? Five, six, seven, eight ?

? If you want to stay in shape ?

? The Jailhouse Workout is great ?

? Yes, it is now ?

? If you want to stay in shape ?

? The Jailhouse Workout is-- ?

Oh, snicker doodles.

Not again.

- All this newfangled fitness mumbo jumbo

won't get you anywhere.

- It won't?

- No way!

If you want vim and vigor, like GrandPat,

you gotta workout the old fashioned way!

My vintage gym equipment will get you fit as a cello.

[reel rolling]

Fitness for the ages, with GrandPat Star.

First, let the vibrating belt ship you into shape.

- [giggling]

- Next, the slenderizing salon.

- [groaning]

- A gentle massaging device.

- It's got my eyebrows!

[groaning]

Now, that's a face lift.

- And here, we have the personal sauna.

- [sighs] And this one's pretty good.

[alarm blares] Huh?

- Your treatment is done.

Let's see those results.

[steam hissing]

Ta da!

- [screams]

- You've never looked better.

- Ugh! GrandPat, this isn't working.

Those machines aren't making Patrick move at all.

- Ah, you want him to move, huh? ?

Well, this will make him move!

Look lively, boy.

Yah!

- [laughs]

That was a really high-impact workout.

[moaning]

- Now ain't the time for diddly daddling.

- Whoa.

Wah!

- Did you think I was gonna throw this at you?

No, this is my medicine ball.

Now, I got the energy to throw myself.

Yah!

[crash]

- [sighs] I give up.

- Patrick, you can't quit now.

- I can't even lift a finger.

Ugh.

I can't keep my eyes open.

Ugh.

I can't even fall out of bed.

[boing, whoosh]

See?

- Hmm.

Getting Patrick into shape could take years.

[gasps]

[electric crackle]

35 million years, to be precise.

- But I can't get out of bed!

Whoa!

[jack-in-the-box music]

- Wow.

One of GrandPat's workout machines

actually came in handy.

- [screaming]

[growling]

- [whimpering]

Cave Patrick?

- That's right.

And me had it.

You embarrassing me!

- I think he's talking to you.

- Me watch "Patrick Show" every day.

- Hey, thanks for tuning in.

- Is only channel.

And you, Patrick, make me Patrick

look like...

weakling.

- Tune in next time.

Find out if I'm still stuck inside this toilet.

Oh, that was a classic.

Get excited for part two.

- Me not evolve for 35 million years

to turn into wimp.

- OK.

I may have missed a couple of workouts.

- No worry.

I teach you how to work out prehistoric way.

Muscles will grow.

Weakness will go extinct.

- Well, I guess I'm stuck here.

So OK!

[exciting rock music]

? ?

[grunting]

? ?

Ah, oh!

Whoa!

? ?

[panting]

? ?

[panting]

Ah! Ah!

[roaring]

[dramatic music]

? ?

[fog horn blares]

[alarm rings]

[roaring]

- Phew.

That was quite a run.

I really worked up an appetite.

[roaring]

- [nervous laugh]

Patrick, where are you?

The show is ending.

Huh?

- We're not finished yet.

[laughs] I must have more gains!

[groaning]

? ?

[screaming]

Now, drop and give me 20!

- Yes, sir. Yes, yes. - OK, sir.

[grunting]

- [groaning]

Need more weight.

Ya!

Feel the burn!

This guy gets it.

- Please don't hurt me.

- One, two,

seven, banana,

another banana,

some other number.

Grapefruit.

[explosion]

[wistful music]

- Ah, I remember the first time I exploded

trying to deadlift a planet.

- Lesson learned.

Sometimes, it's important to exercise.

And sometimes you just need to veg out.

Join us next time while we watch me

regrow my spinal thingy.

- Good night, everybody.

- [friendly grumbling]

[thunder rumbles]

["Danny Boy" playing]

- We are gathered here today to mourn the loss

of our dear friend Andy O'Good,

whom we lost to a tragic termite accident.

- O'Good?

More like No Wood.

Wubbo, wubbo.

Here comes trubbo.

- Well said, Bananas.

Now, please join me as we raise our glasses

in remembrance of a dear friend.

- ? Oh, Dummy boy ?

? The pipes, the pipes are calling ?

? ?

- How was your temp job tonight, dear?

- We, um, knocked 'em dead.

[rimshot]

- I'm sure it was lovely, hon.

Now, let me take your coat.

- No, no, wait.

You--you--uh.

- Oh, you brought your work home.

- Creepy.

- So I still have the puppet on me.

I've tried and tried, but I can't get the dang thing off.

[groaning]

- Well, there is one thing you could do.

- Say goodbye to old lefty, kiddos.

- Wait a minute.

I've heard of banana splits before,

but this is ridiculous.

[rimshot]

- Who are you?

- Bananas Foster.

Nice to meet ya.

You folks always this hospitable?

[rimshot] - I like him.

He's funny.

- Yeah, Dad.

Don't chop your hand off.

- He's a charmer.

- Well, at least he's keeping me busy.

- OK, but I've got a different job tomorrow.

- Well, then, looks like we're carpooling.

- Honey, I'm home--

- Honey, I'm home.

- Dad's back.

- And Bananas!

- Welcome home, hon.

How was your day?

- Um, well--

- Well, they made me the boss.

So now I'm top banana.

Oh, and I almost forgot.

I got a raise.

[explosion]

- Keep it down!

It's 6:00 PM, and I'm trying to sleep.

- Gee, Bananas, we're loaded.

- Just what I always wanted--

money!

- What about you, dear?

How was your day at work?

- Yeah, you got anything good for us?

- Well, truth be told, I--

- He got demoted.

And now he's my assistant, or my second banana.

[laughs]

- Oh, Bananas, you're so funny.

[raucous laughter]

- [nervous laugh] Oh.

[toilet flushes]

- You're out of shaving cream.

- [snoring]

[ominous music]

? ?

[yawn] Boy, I hardly slept a wink last night.

Oh.

Look at that amazing breakfast.

Um, what's wrong?

[ominous music]

? ?

- Nothing's wrong, Cecil.

In fact, it couldn't be more right.

Good morning, family.

- Good morning, Bananas. - Good morning, Dad.

- I was having such a swell time,

I thought I'd invite the rest of the Fosters.

Let me introduce you.

My lovely daughter, Dolly.

Mwah.

- [laughs]

- That there's Oldie.

- Heh.

- My wife, Honey.

- Oh!

- And my son, Sonny.

Howdy, son.

You know, you're the spitting image of me as a boy.

- I'm a chip off the old block.

Wood block, that is!

[laughter]

- That boy of mine, he is something.

- They just appeared on our hands this morning.

- Enough with the introductions.

Let's eat.

[ravenous eating]

- I didn't know puppets ate breakfast.

- Well, I'm stuffed.

Now, who's up for some family fun?

- Family fun, family fun,

family fun!

- [panting]

- I got it. I got it.

[grunts]

- Here it comes!

- My goodness.

- Nice going, Mom!

- [choking]

- [grunting]

- Didn't think the Star family could get any stupider.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Ow!

- [snoring]

- Closer, you old geezer!

Dagnabbit.

- Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

- High five, honey!

- Yeah.

- Ooh, what a relaxing country drive.

- Yeah.

[grunting]

- Uh, thanks for coming to the show, Socky.

So how long have you been a sock puppet?

- I guess I've always been a sock puppet.

I can't really remember a day when I wasn't.

[blues music]

- [moaning]

- [gasps]

- Do you mind?

- Ow!

[eerie laughter]

[noisy eating]

- Mom, can we eat now?

It's been 12 years, and I'm hungry.

- Oh, no, sweetie.

There's only enough food for our guests.

- Oh.

- Huh?

Oops.

Silly me!

I accidentally dropped my keys under the table.

Star family, would you mind giving me a hand down there?

- Huh?

Oh!

Dad, I found the keys you accidentally dropped.

- Thanks, son, but there's something you should know.

I dropped those keys on purpose.

- What?

- I needed an excuse to speak to you all privately.

- [gasps] - Why, you lying key dropper!

- Now, look, it's been 12 years.

We can't go on living like this any longer.

Today's the day.

We must find a way to remove our left hands

from the stranglehold of these silly simian

ventriloquist dummies.

But how?

- Well, perhaps I could be of some assistance.

- Daddy Dartfish?

- Oh, please.

Daddy Dartfish is my father's name.

Call me Chuck.

So, dummy problems, huh?

- Yeah.

We can't get our hands free.

- What do you say I shimmy on up there and have a look-see?

- Yeah, that'd be great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

all: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- And up I go.

- Oh!

Pardon me.

I--oh!

[wincing]

- Do you mind?

We're trying to have a quiet family dinner here.

- Sorry, Mr. Foster.

- All righty, then.

- [wincing]

- Put me down, you dummy!

- [nervous laugh] Sorry.

- [gulping]

- Interesting.

Is that mahogany?

- [laughing]

That tickles.

That--that--that tickles.

- Whoa!

- Bananas, what's happening?

- [laughing]

- [screaming]

[glass shatters]

- [laughing]

[screaming]

[chattering]

- Cecil, are you OK?

- Dad!

- Dad, are you OK?

[suspenseful music]

- Well, sir, I figured out the problem.

- Huh?

- All you got to do is unclench your hands.

- Oh.

- [screams]

- Jeez, I should have tried that years ago.

- No!

- We're a normal family again.

- Aww!

- So what now?

I mean, shouldn't we find Bananas' family a new home?

- Absolutely, sweetheart.

And I know the perfect place.

- [snoring]

- Rise and shine, you old bag.

- What the?

- Ta da!

- Good morning!

- [screaming]

[upbeat music]

? ?

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