Original subtitles

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom. [laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

♪ ♪

This is my show!

♪ ♪

[quirky music]

- ♪ You wake up one day and say ♪

♪ Hey world, you know me ♪

♪ What can you show me? ♪

♪ And suddenly you're smack ♪

♪ In the face of a best friend forever ♪

♪ Together through a never ending ♪

♪ Best moment ever ♪

♪ Now not another second will be boring or cruddy ♪

♪ It's a lifetime of lifetimes ♪

♪ when you and your buddy ♪

♪ Can be smacked in the face ♪

♪ with the wonderful world of friends... ship ♪

[explosion]

- Patrick, the whole day is our oyster.

We could go to the comic book store,

the arcade, or... [gasps]

Or volunteer to brighten a senior's day.

- Oh, a visitor?

After all this time.

- No, SpongeBob, there's no time for that.

[grunts] - Oh.

- I can't brighten anything on an empty stomach.

- Buh-bye. Thanks for the visit.

- Let's scope out some food. - [grunts]

- Hmm.

- The Krusty Krab is right over...

- I don't see it. Hm. Must have closed.

Oh, we can go to the Chum Bucket.

- [snoring]

Huh, way?

What are you? Tax collectors?

I got your payment right here.

- Oh, we're customers. - Huh?

- Hmm. I think I'll have

[inaudibly speaking ridiculously fast]

- Uh, OK.

Karen, get the chum. It's happening.

- Are you sure you want to do that?

- Order up. No refunds.

- Ah.

[grunting]

Huh? Aha!

Ooh.

[straining]

[vacuum whirring]

[gulps]

[grunting]

[gulps] Huh?

Wait a second.

They forgot my second order of chum fries.

Where are my fries?

- Patrick? - My fries!

[screaming] - Patrick.

- [grunting]

- Patrick? Patrick!

Hey!

They probably just forgot. It happens.

- Yeah. I... I was thinking that, too.

- Let's go check the kitchen, hm?

Um, excuse me.

- [laughs maniacally]

- Plankton's poisoning the chum.

- SpongeBob, look. Dead fishpeople.

- [shrieks]

[ominous music]

- [gasps] - [whimpers]

- I'm simply giddy thinking about how unclogged

this sink is gonna be.

OK, Karen, don't touch the faucet for 15 minutes now.

And would you move your mannequin collection

out of the kitchen? They're just creepy.

[both screaming]

- Phew, I can't believe Plankton

was putting poison in the chum.

- We gotta warn everyone who ate it.

- Patrick, you ate the chum. You've been poisoned.

You gotta get to the doctor right now before you...

- Doctor? Blech!

That is the last thing I want to do.

I've got way too much stuff to experience

before I kick the bucket. It's all on my bucket list.

Oh, where do I keep that?

Found it!

If I ever get poisoned, I need to do all the things

I've dreamed of doing. And look.

I've put "go to the doctor" last.

- I think you should go to the doctor first.

- Uh-uh. My poison, my list.

- Oh, fine.

But let's hurry up and finish the list

so you can see a doctor.

- Great.

Well, the good news is we already checked off

the first three items.

Next one is "fight a robot."

- OK, Patrick. Let's box us a bot.

To the robot fights.

- [grunts]

- Our next contender, with his manager

SpongeBob Squarepants, the pink punching bag.

- You ready? - I'm the readiest!

[grunts] Huh? Ready!

Huh? Gah! Wait.

[grunts] Now I'm ready.

- Versus the Splatter Maker 5000.

- Actually, this one's the Splatter Maker 9000.

Pulverize that punk to a pink pulp.

- Yes, Mommy.

- [grunts]

[clanks, hisses]

- [pained grunting]

[screaming]

- Whoa, whoa, oh.

[cheers and applause]

- [grunting]

[bell dings]

- Uh, quick, Patrick, what's next on your list?

- "Struggle to make sense."

- Hamburger time. Ding-dong, go, boom-boom.

- Ooh, we can cross off two.

Next on your list, scale the tallest building

in Bikini Bottom.

- [laughing] - I got you, buddy.

Let's climb it together. Patrick Star going up.

- [laughing] Whee.

- This high altitude is kind of intense.

Don't you think so, Patrick? - Yeah.

Everybody looks like ants from up here.

- [panting] I'm getting a real workout.

[chuckles] - Me, too.

I'm really feeling the burn.

- [grunting] Huh? Up, up, up, up, up.

- Chum dogs. Get your chum dogs here.

- One, please.

- [grunting] Got to keep climbing up.

- Ah. [screams]

[both screaming]

- There you are. - Oh!

Yay! We did it, Patrick.

We climbed the tallest building in Bikini Bottom.

- Um, if this is the tallest building

in Bikini Bottom, then what's that?

- Huh?

Barnacles!

[building rumbling]

- Welcome to Seaweed City.

- Now this is the tallest building in Bikini Bottom.

Up next, win a gold medal.

- [giggling] - Hm.

Hm. - Ooh.

- [chuckles] - Huh?

- Thank you.

Sing on Broadway.

[singing melody]

[both grunt]

- Huh, that gum looks familiar. Hmm.

- "See one last beautiful sunset."

- Oh, wow.

- You can really smell the sulfur.

And now skydiving!

- Uh, is this safe?

- SpongeBob, it's gonna be just fine.

[crow cawing]

- Wow, you were right.

- OK, next up is "give the performance of a lifetime."

- Then can we go to the doctor? - I don't know.

Let's see how much screen time this gag takes up first.

[laughter]

[festive music]

♪ ♪

- Wow.

♪ ♪

[audience oohing and aahing]

♪ ♪

- [grunts] Ta-da!

[cheers and applause]

Thank you. Thank you.

You have been a lovely audience for me.

The kind I can share devastating news with.

I had a big lunch of pure poison earlier,

and I didn't go straight to the doctor,

so, sadly, this is the end of my show

and of me, but I always wanted to tell you guys...

- Cut! Cut, cut. Sorry.

Just one second.

You got something in your teeth.

- Huh? How embarrassing.

- I gotcha. - Ah.

- Is that chum?

[ominous music]

[both scream] - Oh, no!

♪ ♪

- Wow. Two visits in one day.

[helicopter rotor whirring]

[explosion]

- [retching]

[breathing heavily]

- Patrick, do you know what this means?

It means all the chum got stuck in your teeth.

You didn't swallow any of it.

You're not poisoned.

[cheering]

- I'm gonna live. I'm gonna live! I'm gonna live!

I... wait a minute. [stomach gurgles]

I'm hungry.

That means I didn't eat lunch today.

[slurping]

[together] Uh-oh.

[siren wails]

Well, at least we got to the last item

on Patrick's bucket list... visit the doctor.

- All right, he's all better.

According to my test, the food

wasn't poisonous at all.

It was merely filled with countless strains

of parasitical bacteria.

The cone should keep Patrick from eating

any chum for a while.

- Phew. Thank you so much, Doctor.

Isn't that great, Patrick? Patrick?

- [panting]

- Fill 'er up. - OK.

It's your funeral. [grunting]

- Now for my bucket list. Save Patrick's life.

Save Patrick's life. Save Patrick's life.

Save Patrick's life.

[jolly music]

- [humming]

Time to enjoy an afternoon of TV with a light snack.

Buttered ice cream with extra butter and sprinkles.

- Are you sure about this, dear?

- Sure. Patrick won't mind.

- Huh?

Where are you going with my baby things?

- Oh, we were just clearing out the closet

to make room for your father's home theater.

- Romeo, Romeo, where the heck are you?

- You're sitting on my head.

- It's getting a bit cramped.

- You're throwing out Mr. Whiskers?

[grunts]

[panting]

Oh, my teething rock.

My battle rattle.

Hey.

Mr. Jellyface.

- Honey, this stuff is for babies.

You're not a baby anymore.

- But if I was a baby,

could I keep it all?

- I suppose so.

- Then Patrick baby now.

Goo goo!

[babbling]

- Uh, gee, I don't know about this.

- Don't worry, if Patrick wants to be a baby,

we'll treat him like one until he gets sick of it.

- Who wants pizza?

[together] Me!

- [grunts]

- Ah. - Ah.

- Pizza. Aah.

- Uh-uh-uh.

Babies don't eat pizza.

Babies eat baby food. - Hm.

- Open the hangar. Come on.

Open up for the airplane.

- Aah. - Perfect.

Ooh, ooh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

1, 2, and...

- Thank you for flying with us today,

folks, and please watch your step

when you exit the baby.

[both growling]

- Who's ready

for Rasslin' Rumble Rampage?

- Uh-uh-uh.

Babies don't get to watch grown-up TV.

- [crying]

- Oh, somebody's cranky.

What you need is a nap, and I know

how to put you right to sleep.

[upbeat music]

I used to take you on rides like this all the time.

[traffic light dings]

Something about the sound of the engine...

[trash cans thumping]

The movement of the car...

[traffic light dings]

And those gentle vibrations put you right to sleep.

♪ ♪

[both snoring]

[loud crash]

Well, it took a while, but he's out like a light.

- [yawns] - Aww.

Isn't he adorable?

- [chuckles] Yes.

He's like a sleeping angelfish.

- Patrick, nap time's over. Time for your show.

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

- [coughs]

- Quick. Here's a prop.

♪ ♪

- Wait a second.

I get it. He's doing a baby act.

[laughter] - [laughs]

♪ ♪

[whimpers] [wailing]

[laughter]

- Ugh. Cue the cartoon.

[continues wailing]

- Captain Quasar in...

- Diapers!

[ship beeping]

[mysterious electronic music]

- Ooh, the bad guys found us.

Fire the waser beams.

- [straining]

But, Captain, I can't weach the buttons.

- [grunts] Me, neither.

[both sob]

[together] We're too young to die.

[both wailing]

- Your Majesty, should we take the shot?

- I don't know.

I mean, they're just cute little babies.

Maybe we shouldn't blast them into oblivion.

- Now, Pat-tron. Engage uppies.

[device humming]

- Oh, poop.

[beam whirs]

[doorbell dings]

- Now, who could that be? - Who's ready for...

- [sobbing] - Jellyfishing?

- Sorry, SpongeBob.

Patrick decided to be a baby today.

- SpongeBob! Yay!

- Uh-uh, if you're grown-up enough

to go jellyfishing, you don't need these anymore.

- [whimpers] No!

Baby want toys and jellyfishing.

- Sorry, SpongeBob.

You'll have to come back when Patrick decides to grow up.

- I might be able to help with that,

if you don't mind me doing a little babysitting.

- Could he, please? I really could use a break.

- OK, baby, want to go for a walk?

- [exclaims] Walkies!

Walky, walky, walky, walky, walky, walky, walky, walky.

- Oh, OK, oh.

[tranquil music]

[grunting]

Hm? Oh, would you look at that.

We walked all the way to the Goofy Goober.

Should we go inside?

- Ice cweam! Ice cweam!

- Oh, my.

What a big, strong boy. - He looks like he's 40.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, here comes our ice cream.

- Whoo! - OK.

Two ice cream sundaes and... - Ice cweam!

- Hey, didn't you see the sign?

We can't serve babies at the Goofy Goober.

- Oh, that's right.

Babies can't have ice cream at the Goofy Goober.

I guess we'll just have the one sundae.

Unless someone wants to grow up.

[dramatic music]

- [whimpers]

[grunts]

- Right.

Look, just don't give the baby any ice cream.

- [chuckles nervously]

Mmm. Oh, this is so good.

- [grunts]

- Too bad babies can't eat ice cream.

Patrick, stop eating my sundae.

No!

You're supposed to watch me eat the ice cream

and want your own so bad that you grow up

and stop being a baby! - Baby?

Did you just give ice cream to this baby?

- [chuckles nervously] No.

But he's not a baby, is he? - Enough!

You broke our no baby rule.

Now you're banned from the Goofy Goober for life.

- Banned for life?

[whimpers]

[wailing]

- Wait a minute. Are you a baby, too?

[doorbell dings] - Hello?

- Do these helpless babies belong to you?

- Ga-ga.

[both scream]

- Yeah, you should be horrified,

leaving two innocent babies unsupervised like that.

For shame. [grunts]

- No, please. I'm not ready to be a father.

- [wailing] - This one isn't even...

ours.

- Uh, what's going on?

- Oh, sweetie.

Can you take him for a minute, please?

Mama really needs a rest.

- Now SpongeBob's a baby?

Uh, I won't be able to babysit

because I'm a baby too.

[wailing]

- Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

[grunts]

[both grunt]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ They're all babies ♪

♪ A whole family of babies ♪

♪ Well, not that one ♪

♪ He's more of a family friend ♪

♪ They're not grown-ups ♪

♪ They're definitely babies ♪

♪ And as babies ♪

♪ They can't be held accountable

♪ For their actions ♪

[together] "Baby Stars."

- What do we pway now?

- Oh, oh, oh. Pway famiwee.

- I'll be the daddy.

What's for dinner? - I'll be the mommy.

Eggs and spaghettis.

- And I'll be the big, dumb older brother.

- And I'll be the overachieving little sister.

- And I'll be the kitchen sponge.

[laughs]

[laughter]

I guess this means we're all back to normal now.

- Everybody's gotta grow up sooner or later.

- Not me.

I like to be pampered.

[wailing]

- Well, Patrick, after everything that's happened,

I think It's your turn to babysit.

- [sighs] Yes, Mom.

[dramatic music]

[thunder crashes] - [wailing]

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