Original subtitles

Author: truc1979 https://www.avsubtitles.com

Halt!

Water!

***

Yes sir.

Iron becomes him. Don't you agree captain?

Ah, Duke,

you've come.

Somehow I didn't think you would come.

When one is summoned by the Queen of France

one makes it one's business to come.

How may I help you Milady?

Well...

As the ambassador of England,

I'd like to take this opportunity to...

...welcome you to France personally.

I'm deeply honored.

But is this customary for all visitors?

Well...

Usually it is the King or the Cardinal.

In fact it is very unusual...

for me to be alone with a gentleman.

I see.

Then why was I summoned here?

I just wanted to see if it were true.

What was true?

What they say about your eyes.

What did they say?

Well...

That they sparkle like...

sapphires from the orient.

I'm afraid they do.

What a shame. Such a beautiful Queen with no...

No what?

No mate.

It took.

The Queen like sampling a foreign tongue, huh.

Oh... I don't know...

Is it too much?

Your Majesty, it's most definitely... you.

Especially if I add some lace, perhaps.

Thank you Darling. Oh!

- ***, Prudence. - Yes Your Majesty.

What is it this time, Fallwell? What is it this time?

Excuse the interruption, Sire. It's about the Queen.

Now what has she done?

I'm quite concerned about her... transgressions.

Well... Give her two "hail marys"

and a quick pat on the bottom and... she'll be fine.

Sire, her sins are far more serious than that.

They are sins of the flesh.

Huh? Flesh?

Excuse my frankness,

but the Queen is... cockholding you.

She is involved

in illicit episodes

of wanton debauchery.

Prurient lust.

Well...

you see, hum...

I don't..

I mean...

We don't...

You know...

Regardless of that fact Sire,

the Queen is making a fool of you.

The people are talking.

And they're saying if you can't control her,

how can you control the country.

I fear,

that she flirts with Treason.

Treason?

Not my queenie.

Do you have proof of this?

Proof is what you want?

Proof is what you shall get.

Arm up.

***

Alexandra, you're fighting like a girl.

You have my heart, Alexandra.

Again.

What else do I have besides your heart?

You have my soul,

my mind,

you have my body.

Yeah, go on.

Ah, yes.

Come on pigs, let's go.

Aramis, at least wait for the horses to be well rested.

I don't want to wait.

I *** to go to Paris.

***

Yes, well we all know that.

And is there anything wrong with it?

God.

Atos would not stand for this. Not from a musketeer.

Athos is dead.

And all I want is a stinking frigid beer.

Is that too much that?

Fine then. If we ride, let us ride!

- For liberty, - Equality,

(oh no, *** again) - Honey!

Huh? Honey?

- No: "cunni". - No it's "fraternity".

Liberty equality fraternity.

Excuse us dear Lady, I hope we did not frighten you.

It is not safe for a woman like you to

be in the woods by yourself.

Yes, and you can also meet up with all

kinds of riffraff.

I'm just going to the well to draw some water, Sir.

But still it is very dangerous.

A woman like you could meet up with

all kinds of harm.

You might even... be ravaged.

Yes.

And worse.

I was fetching some water as i do every morning.

A beautiful girl like...

like...

Catherine. My name is Catherine.

Ah Catherine.

Yes Sir?

I just wanted to speak your name, that's all.

(Come Aramis!)

(Let us ride now if we plan to make Paris by nightfall.)

Take this.

And what's this?

It is a token of my esteem.

Something so that you will...

not forget me.

You're rather unforgettable, Sir.

And these markings?

They...

are the King's insignia.

For the musketeers.

You mean you're a...

Yes. Yes.

Aramis, at your service.

I must go.

But I'll never succeed, Byron.

You know as well as I

that there are no female musketeers.

Not until now.

Here...

There's 15 ecu just to get you started

and a letter of recommendation.

You already have my sword,

and my love.

Go now.

- But I'll never... - Never say never.

Never run from a fight.

Never turn your back on the enemy.

And never, never submit to insults.

Except from the King or the Cardinal.

Is it true what they say about the King?

Hum. Yes. He's a kind soul though.

But beware of the Cardinal.

But I thought he was harmless.

A man of the cloth.

Under his guise of holiness,

beats the heart of a cold-blooded killer.

The cardinal will stop at nothing to control France.

So beware, and remember,

Your allegiance is to the King and Queen only.

But what are the musketeers?

I admit.

It won't be easy to join their ranks.

They're very suspicious of strangers.

Especially after Athos was murdered.

But...

I think they'll take a liking to you.

Now go.

Go.

Oh Lord, no.

Not even the Lord can save you now.

[*screams*]

No!

Lord, she really *** us?

Oh no!

(Not here, not now)

(we must *** back to the castle)

(***)

Let's go.

*** for you, Sir?

(*** in the back)

You know ***,

she was gorgeous.

She was so gorgeous.

She's a Lady.

***

That she was, that she was.

But let me ask you:

What a *** girl like that,

want *** like you?

Oh, Duke... or Lord...?

It's both. Or neither.

Actually my real name is Desmond.

Hold on.

Hurry! Hurry!

I'm hurrying, but...

it's about your husband.

My husband? What do you mean?

You want him too?

No, I mean, what if he catches us?

He won't catch us,

he's playing queen for the day with my dressmaker Prudence.

So I heard.

Look, it's hooked.

What? Oh I'm sorry.

Let it go.

I've missed you so, Duke.

And I, you.

I can't wait to kiss your royal rump.

If i can find it.

It getting closer.

Would you care this one off?

Which one?

The top one.

- The black one. - Black one?

- Ah. Oh, this one? - Yes.

Oh, now you're...

definitely...

getting much closer.

- Another round Sir? - Absolutely.

Come here.

You too, come here.

Oh you need two? Mister ***

I'm horny too.

***

*** is enough.

***?

Let me see some ***.

- You're getting closer. - This way?

Yes. Sort of.

There.

How many more are there?

- Five. - Oh my gosh...

***

Wait, don't move.

- Why not? - Ok.

Another one.

Yes, you're getting close.

How about your own jacket, Duke?

Ok, let me take this off.

Take it off.

Oh, Queen.

Take it off.

- Oh wait. - Yes.

What are you doing?

Can you ***

- Off with this garment. - Yes.

Sir, let's *** the menu.

Oh, the menu it should be.

Another one.

- Ok. - This one.

Good.

What's this? Oh please...

Oh... I don't want to break it.

Wait, it's tied.

Oh, ok.

Another one, another one.

The King wears this thing too, careful. Careful.

One more. One more.

No, it's two more.

Finally.

What's this?

A ***

I hope you have a key.

Please tell me you have a key.

I do, I do.

It's such a big lock.

- Yes, yes, yes... - Say "please".

Don't tease me like this.

Which one? The big one.

I know.

The King has one of these too.

- Does he? - Mm-mm.

I don't care about him.

***

No, come here.

Kiss my royal humps.

And what about this?

***

Oh yeah, I forgot about this.

Wait wait wait...

Ok.

And what is this?

Yes.

Oh Sir, come on.

He'll never know what he missed.

Elizabeth, Elizabeth,

I love you. Come with me.

Why? Go away from here? It's not that bad.

Ah the King, he's no husband to you.

No, he's more like...

a younger sister.

You know,

the cardinal Fallwell would like nothing betther than

to see you in the Bastille.

What?

In jail?

What charges?

Oh, treason? Consorting with the enemy? Me?

You know I would...

die a thousand deaths if I could feel your...

manhood throbbing inside my privacy once again.

Really?

No.

But it sounds nice.

My ship leaves for England in a few hours.

I must go.

But I implore you to give me something to take with me.

Something I can wear close to my....

Wait. The King wears my pantaloons.

But i've got something else.

How about this?

But Lady, the King gave this to you

your birthday in front of the entire kingdom.

He was so proud of it.

Yes, but it...

doesn't really mean anything to me unless you wear it.

I will wear it with honor.

Good.

- I must go now. - All right.

Until we meet again.

Fallwell! What is the meaning of this?

I...

I was just looking for the King.

Well he's not here.

I can see that.

I apologize.

Sir, are you the proprietor of this establishment?

Yes I am.

Look, I've come a long way,

I need a room and a hot meal.

Well I can have one of the girls fetch you a bowl of stew,

but ask for logics,

we haven't got a spare room.

But I...

My apologies young boy.

I'm a girl.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

What? What? What?

I have a letter of recommendation.

I'm sure you're a fine wench,

but a letter of recommendation?

(Oh my...)

(Yeah... Come on)

I'm really sorry but,

we don't need another musketeer.

Thank you very much.

En garde!

You've got to be kidding me.

Are you afraid, Aramis,

of a woman?

Never!

Not bad, not bad.

***

You look like a pussy.

Yeah. Pussy ***.

- Are you calling me... - a pussy!

Aramis! Beautiful!

You must fight with your head,

not your heart.

Your sword art *** fantastic ***,

but your *** does need some work.

Does that mean I got to be a musketeer?

No.

Aramis...

***

You're going to make her cry.

Don't go and do that.

Look you're really good, you really are.

And besides...

*** you got a nice bottom too.

Look,

musketeering is hard work.

why would you want to be a musketeer?

The pay is little,

the days are long, the work is...

I want to be a musketeer.

I want to be able to fight for the King and Queen,

I want to defend my country.

In love for the Queen, woman,

Why would you want to do this?

Why? Because I want to help people,

and I want to make my mark.

Do you understand?

We must *** here.

She's been there for days.

She even sleeps on our doorsteps.

We could give her a job...

That of... polishing our swords!

Now D'Artagnan, you have something there.

My sword has been needing a polishing

for a very long time.

Then there you have it.

I will make sure that she has proper lodgings for tonight.

Let us go.

Errr.

May I help with that missy?

Oh...

I don't think the Lady needs any help.

Who asked you anyways?

Wait with you, man.

Have it your way.

Thank you my Lord.

You know, a fair woman like yourself

should not be walking these streets unescorted.

I feel you're right, I should be going now.

Oh...

Um... May i carry this, or give you a hand?

Thank you my Lord,

I appear to have an escort now.

So what parts are you from?

Oh I'm from all parts,

I'm from all places,

I am a citizen of the world.

And how do you find our humble land?

I find them...

very captivating.

Um...

Are these clothes going someplace special?

Yes, it's going to the royal palace.

Where are you going?

Oh I'm just seeking some simple lodgings.

Lodgings for citizens of the world.

You tease, my Lady.

I hear the Miller has a room for rent.

Oh, that is grand. Then we ride to the Millers.

I fear not. He's not at home.

Oh, that is too bad.

I mean we only seek simple lodgings,

one for a young wayward woman,

and a barn for myself and two of my colleagues.

But I'm finished, I shall take you there.

That is grand,

I hope these lodgings are not far.

Very close. Above my shop.

You are not the Miller?

No. The Miller's wife: Prudence.

Dressmaker to the Queen.

Oh, well then we share the same flag.

I'm D'Artagnan, the King's musketeer.

I shall get my friends.

It's a simple room,

but I trust you'll find everything you need here.

I'm sure I will.

So tell me fair Lady,

your husband,

is he not at home?

Oh no, he travels a great deal.

That's why we're going to have the lodger,

so I... won't be alone.

Very smart.

I can see harm coming to you,

such a beautiful lady

living in such a lage house alone.

I trust your friend will like the room.

Oh this is not for her, this is for me.

- But I thought... - So did I!

No, you shall be sleeping with the others,

in the barn.

But Porthos: he snores. Loudly.

A true musketeer does not complain.

Now I sould be sleeping here, that is,

if the Lady does not mind.

But I do mind.

I'm speaking of the other lady.

Sir, it it pleases you.

Then there you have it.

Now off with you,

you have a warm bed of hay.

I want you to have the horses ready before we ride at dawn.

Some of us may be riding sooner than that.

[*snorks*]

Damn it.

A *** on you, D'Artagnan.

(Prudence!)

Oh my god, it's my husband!

I thought you said that he was away.

He was away.

(Prudence, *** woman)

***

What's this?

Musketeers, quickly,

we must bring the horses.

Ah, it's *** again.

The cardinal will be pleased you could make it from Perpignan.

I trust you had a good ride.

Oh the cardinal's coach was fine.

So, exactly,

what does that despicable man need me for this time?

Please don't speak of my lord like that.

So where is he anyway?

He's with the King.

I shall take you.

Oh?

Then I shall let you take.

Oh, please, Milady,

I'm a pious man.

Fine. Then I shall take myself.

Pious man, huh?

Hmm. We'll see.

I'm sorry if I hurted your feelings.

I would never want to do anything that

would get you in any trouble.

Please Milady...

"Please" what?

I'm a pious man.

Well, it's not like you can do that for a living.

What's wrong?

You seem like you've never done this before.

I... I haven't.

You wouldn't lie to me, would you?

No. No Ma'am.

***

So *** become too hot.

Is it always so warm in here?

No Ma'am.

No?

Blow on my chest, it's too hot.

Please.

It's perfectly innocent,

there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with that.

Milady, this is difficult.

Should I get closer to make it easier?

Don't you like what you see?

Yes?

Tell me the truth if it's so.

Do you like what you see?

Yes.

That's good.

I hate to think that...

I disappointed you in some way.

Um, no, Milady.

That's good.

Help me out of my dress.

You know Milady, we really shouldn't...

We haven't done anything.

You're being awfully presumptuous,

don't you think?

Way it's warming here.

Is it?

Oh, yeah, it is.

I can get the rest.

Are you nervous?

***

Do you have to get nervous?

Um... no.

No?

Too bad I would have taken you

for the nervous time. Actually.

Much better.

What do you think?

I'm a pious man, Milady.

Oh... Poo...

Way it's warming here...

Would you like me to blow on your chest?

Cool enough?

Well, if... if you want.

Say "please".

- Please. - Please.

Again.

Please.

Hm.

Maybe not.

I wouldn't want to get you in any trouble of course.

My *** is getting warm in here.

Really?

Should I help you out of some of your clothes?

Stand up.

Hands up.

You're looking nice.

Strong young arms.

How old are you, child?

I'll be 23 this June, Ma'am.

Oh young ***.

You *** 23.

You're just a baby.

I'm a ***.

You're a liar.

You're way overdressed.

Yes Ma'am.

What a shame.

You think it ***, hm?

Open door and *** see ***.

No one come in.

This is your room isn't it? Why would anyone come in?

Do you like what you see?

Yes Milady.

Hm... ***.

Uneasy lies the head where's the crown.

Oh, and it's murder on your hairdo.

Sire,

Milady D'Summer has been gracious

to offer us her services.

Well...

Actually I prefer a big, stiff...

Uh, you may have... Your majesty...

Her services for organizing the anniversary banquet.

Oh...

Well then...

What would you say about me in...

a...

purple taffeta?

Well, ***

Anyway, you two stay here and...

finish the preparations for the banquet.

Because frankly, I haven't got a thing to wear.

*** he's gone.

Now's our chance to disgrace the Queen.

Oh?

How?

You know as well as I do.

The Queen is cavorting the duke

right under the King's very nose.

Oh, and what a nose does he owns.

On their last tryst,

one of the Queen's chambermaids,

saw her give the duke her emerald necklace.

The one with the five stones?

Precisely.

Now, what I want you to do

is to seal two jewels from that necklace.

I don't care how you do it, just get it done.

Supposedly the duke never takes it off.

Even when he's...

Copulating?

Right.

I can't say that word after all,

I'm a man of the cloth.

You, my dear,

are man of the most despicable character,

a rat,

a sink, (?)

a low down,

filthy,

speck of humanity.

But of course that's what I like about you.

Well, thank you.

When the Queen...

arrives at the anniversary bal,

the King will expect her to be wearing the necklace.

Or possibly just want to wear it himself.

Whatever.

And when he sees the two jewels are missing...

I'll produce those jewels

as proof of the Queen's infidelity.

And out of our hair,

which will leave the King much easier to manipulate.

In that case,

I'm ***.

Use your head.

Or I might just give some.

This is terrible.

Are you sure you heard right?

Yes Milady.

Well then we must retrieve the necklace at once.

Oh, Milady, I know just the man to do it.

Well,

You would trust him with my honor?

And my life.

Well then hurry,

The Lady D'Summer has a head start on us.

Yes your Highness.

You may enter.

Lady D'Summer?

You summoned me?

Yes, I...

bring a message from the Queen of France.

Yes?

You must come closer

so that you can hear me better.

Come even closer, it's a very private message.

I wouldn't want anyone else to hear.

Bend down closer.

[*Inaudible*]

Uh, I'm shocked. And appalled.

Good.

So...

You're saying that you're denying the Queen's request?

Not unable. Just unwilling.

Oh...

That's a pity.

You know, I have her talk,

I fear you may be impotent.

Impotent?

Impotent?

It happened one time.

It was completely blown out of proportion.

Just one time.

I drank too much more wine.

Oh well, there, there.

I'm certain it happens to everyone.

Does it?

Well, never to me but...

I'm sure it does.

Ah... I must say with all modesty that...

men have always been incredibly viril in my bed chamber.

Really?

So you still...

deny the Queen's request?

No, but...

She just sent me here to...

service you.

To make you happy.

She says in fact to think of her

as you make love to me.

Think of me as...

Your vessel of pleasure.

Vessel?

Sure.

She was very concerned about your well-being, and...

and that you would be here traveling alone, and...

I thought it was actually very thoughtful of her don't you?

My. The Queen was right.

She said you had quite a member.

*** make me Queen, yeah.

It was wonderful.

I'm glad you liked it.

That'll be all. You're dismissed now.

Okay.

Hurry up. Chop chop.

Here don't forget this.

I have a message for your cardinal.

Very well.

I'll get the cardinal.

Not so fast.

You've forgotten about me already?

No Milady.

Well?

I have your blasted jewels.

Excellent. Hand them over.

Not so fast.

A reward of some sort is in order, don't you think?

Well, um...

Your assistant Phillipe,

should do nicely.

Oh, he's a pious man...

Oh, I know, I know.

I'm afraid he's in prayer.

Day and night.

Hmm.

Cleansing his soul, no doubt.

Then I shall just have to hold on to the jewels.

Until i can have him.

This is a matter of great urgency.

I don't think Philippe would...

Understand?

I have a great urgency as well.

I hear the musketeers are close by.

I also hear they're looking for you.

And why ever would they be looking for me?

I fear there's a spy in the castle.

Then you will just have to throw them off track, won't you?

I've already arranged for that.

Come take a walk with me.

Wait here.

It's not the real thing, it's a fake.

Keep the musketeers from your doorstep.

And how would you...

I have a plan.

Captain?

And who is she?

A tasty little tidbit for later.

And so you see,

the Queen's honor indeed her very life her at stake here.

She trusts no one but me.

And I can trust no one but you.

And you have my word as a musketeer.

We shall find the necklace.

And the stones.

But D'Artagnan,

how we would do this, huh?

*** on,

- She's a woman. - Yeah.

- Yeah, she's a woman. - Okay.

I ***

I'm afraid that will not work.

Not, but why?

Lady D'Summer while she will sleep with any man

to get her way,

prefers the touch of a woman for her private pleasures.

So if you wish to entice this Lady,

you must use a more tender and delicate bait.

Oh no, not me.

You said that you wanted to be a musketeer.

Yeah, but I didn't think I'd

have to eat quim to get there.

All musketeers eat quim.

If you don't wish to be one of us...

Well I didn't say that.

So?

So.

Which way to England?

There you have it.

Now, musketeers:

- All for one... - And one for all!

Oh, D'Artagnan...

Why do you do this to us all the time? You're crazy?

I may not have the scrotum of a man,

have the heart of a musketeer.

[*screams*]

Shit, ***

Leave us, it's fine. Leave me alone.

You're just a woman.

I am not just a woman, I am a musketeer.

You want another chance?

Have one.

D'Artagnan!

Oh, D'Artagnan...

Fallwell, Fallwell...

When will you ever learn...

not to cross swords with the musketeers?

But what is this?

Carefully. It maybe a trap.

The Queen necklace! You found it!

Catherine... Catherine...

Thank you!

Thank you musketeers,

I must make to the Queen with great haste.

I know you almost a musketeer,

give me some clothes.

But that's not fair!

Life is not fair.

Go. Tend to the horses.

I swear to you I will become a musketeer.

Do you hear me?

I will be the fourth musketeer.

Catherine, Catherine...

Last time I saw you,

You had this very pouch,

your delicate hands...

Oh...

No... no...

A musketeer never gives up.

Never. Never!

Aramis? Where are you going?

To meet destiny.

It's wonderful Prudence,

they returned the necklace just like that?

Oh yes Milady, it was just as I told you:

the musketeers were magnificent.

Cardinal Fallwell's men didn't stand a chat.

And they found the necklace in a little pouch,

around a dead man's neck?

How grotesque.

Yes Milady.

Thank you.

Could I maybe...

see it in the mirror?

Of course Milady.

But it looks alright.

I just...

don't understand why Fallwell...

just didn't put up a fight...

Well Milady,

I think we should be thankful

the necklace was returned in one piece.

- Your bath is ready. - Thank you.

No no, this stays till the banquet is over.

As you wish Milady.

Lady! Let it look!

Oh my goodness!

It's a fake, ***

I will go to jail...

Oh...

You're not going, you forgot about the musketeers.

There, she was,

just walking down the street...

All right, that's not how it goes.

It is so!

My father sung it to me when I was a boy.

[*whistles*]

Who goes there?

[*whistles*]

Come out.

We'll run you through.

[*whistles*]

***, so it is a jester that we deal with.

Tell me:

Are you guards of the King?

[*laughs*]

The King?

That far he doesn't deserve guards.

We answer only to the Cardinal,

the true ruler of France.

- [*whistlers*] - Silence!

Who's asking these questions?

Aramis.

***. The King's musketeer.

We are enemies.

Ouch.

En garde!

En garde!

You must be a fool.

Mercy, please, I beg of you.

So tell me one thing.

Anything!

Spare my life.

Where is she?

Who?

I mean: *** Catherine?

I don't know who you speak.

Alright! Alright!

Cardinal Fallwell got...

Hm-mm?

***

Where is she?

She's in the cardinal's bed.

And you think that's fun?

No!

Argh!

Just...

Take this away...

I can't stand...

I never want to see it again.

Oh Milady, try, try to relax.

Relax?

How can I relax at a time like this?

I mean: the cardinal and Lady D'Summer,

they're both plotting against me.

And...

And if the necklace is not returned

by the time the banquet start,

I'm gonna be ruins.

And going to find out about my affair,

with the Duke of ***.

Oh Milady, we...

Oh...

We have to have faith, Milady.

In the musketeers.

We have to believe that they're going to

get the real necklace back from the duke of ***.

As well as a stone from Lady D'Summer.

Oh Milady, but they have to succeed,

they're the musketeers.

This is so nice, Prudence.

Anything that pleases you Milady.

Smells so... decadent.

Yes...

Sesame oil, spiced with musk,

and a secret ingredient.

I keep it nice and warm by the fire.

Would you *** like to turn over?

- One... - Oh!

- and two... - Oh!

- and three! - Oh!

You, idiot.

Your Majesty...

You've been awfully testy lately lizzy.

Oh honey don't cry...

Don't cry...

Your eyes will get all puffy

and you'll get stuff all over your dress.

Aren't you excited?

It's only a week away till our...

fabulous party.

By the way,

what are you gonna wear?

I really haven't thought about it yet.

Well, Prudence is making me a fabulous frock,

I know,

Maybe she could make us... matchings!

Wouldn't that be peachy?

***, some papers for you to sign.

Am I interrupting something?

Oh, no, we're just talking about our grand banquet.

Is the Queen upset?

Oh no I'm fine.

Oh, Sire, I think he means me.

And, no, cardinal Fallwell, I'm fine.

Well, I'm sure you'll be the belle of the bal.

No disrespect to you, your majesty.

Uh!

But wearing that priceless emerald necklace,

no star will shine brighter than our Excellency.

You do still have the necklace, don't you?

Of course she does.

Don't you sweetie?

Well.

If the lady has no objections,

I will take the bobble to my artisans for a special...

leaning and polishing.

That won't be necessary.

Oh?

I just couldn't bear the thought of...

other hands touching my necklace it's just...

so dear to me.

How sweet.

Oh give me that.

Your Majesty I just wanted to tell you that uh...

I must go out of the country.

Business.

Monkey business no doubt.

You'd better be back for the banquet.

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Awesome.

Now, about those ***.

[*undistinct chat*]

I brought you something.

Something a little more appropriate.

It'll be all on, captain, you can go now.

I think i can handle it.

Pull it on.

- Here? - Yes here.

Okay.

Come here.

See, I can be nice too.

If you're nice...

Captain!

Prepare her.

Hold still.

***

*** if you don't fight.

Relax.

Captain, prepare her.

Later. It's not my turn yet.

I want her good and ready, captain.

Oh, look at that, she's wet now...

Relax my dear.

I'm about to grant you complete absolution.

Cleanse your soul...

by penetrating your peasant parts.

***

***, ***.

Yes, but ***

We have a message from the Queen of France.

Not another one...

Quickly. The necklace is around my neck.

What's this?

The stones are missing.

But how?

Who? Think back, think hard.

[*undistinct chat*]

I will personally keep a close watch on this one.

Welcome to hell.

Hell is not all it's cracked up(?) to be.

Water?

You speak?

Here, have some water man.

Thank you.

So what did you do to deserve such a faith?

I represented the face of freedom.

So they took away my face.

But your voice...

it sounds so familiar.

It's the voice of suffering.

Can you see me?

I can see nothing,

Except injustice.

Tell me.

Tell me something.

Do you have any fight left in those weary bones?

A good man once told me:

Never give up.

Never.

Get come closer,

I have a plan.

Come closer.

Your Majesty, please try to be still.

I can't...

I'm so worried they've almost been gone for a fortnight.

A fortnight?

- Yes... Two weeks. - Oh.

As long as all that?

Yes.

Guard!

Oh, quickly,

Oh quickly, he's dying.

Already?

He's trying to say something.

Let him die.

Something about emeralds, your Eminence.

Emeralds?

Guard, open the door, quick.

What's he say?

He speaks ***, your Evidence.

The emeralds!

What does he say about the emeralds?

Speak!

Yes...

*** at me, and *** as painful as possible.

May you look freedom in its face once again my friend.

Athos!

I thought...

I thought you were dead.

So did I, my good man.

So did I.

I could not let you know it was me, I...

I did not want you to...

have this last vision of me.

But...

But your death?

All the dungeons and all hamlets in all the world,

you had to walk into mine.

I'll quaint...

Now remove your clothing. Quickly.

Athos,

I see you haven't lost your touch.

My sword is a bit rusty,

having spent all those years in the dungeon.

But like I always said:

once a musketeer, always a musketeer.

Aramis!

All right, take her.

***.

No Aramis, no more killing.

Quickly Aramis, with must go.

After them! They've got the cardinal.

Oh.

We've got to go this way.

Forget me Aramis,

I'm tired of this musketeer shit.

I'm going to retire.

Retire? But why?

Well, last night, for...

one shiny moment I felt that old fire in me.

It's hard to believe but...

I came to my senses.

You can go on without me.

But Portos and D'Artagnan?

Please don't tell them I'm alive.

Let me go as they think I did.

As you wish.

He's looking at you kid.

Farewell.

Mother? Mother?

Mother?

Mother?

Is she here?

She must have gone to the market.

There's just you and I.

Well then I'll wait till she returns.

I'd like that. Come on ***.

Yeah, let's sit right here.

- ***? - Perfect.

Do you remember this?

I gave you one just like it.

I wish to give you something too.

But you're only a maiden.

I wish to give my maidenhood.

Maidenhood?

But...

Hush.

I'm a poor peasant girl.

I have nothing to give to show my gratitude...

but myself.

Catherine...

If you surrender yourself,

surrender yourself not for duty...

but for desire.

My *** was desire, so,

a great deal.

Yes, you are so beautiful.

Thank you, Sir.

Oh that's beautiful Catherine.

This is really beautiful.

- Is that okay? - Hm-hm

Aramis said that he will be here,

and he will be here.

A musketeer always keeps his word.

Huh!

He's probably with a wench right now,

trying to...

Did I hear somebody say ***?

Aramis, my friend, how are you?

It's about time.

- You better shut up... - Hey-hey. Stop it.

We all need to rest anyway now that we're here.

And also,

my mind is ***

I've had to take the most wicked...

- Well, you know what I mean. - I know what you mean.

Do you mind?

Let's see, your Majesty,

is it bigger than a bread box?

Bigger. Much bigger.

Covered with skin perhaps?

You're getting warmer.

And bumps.

You're burning hot.

I'm so bored of these stupid parlor games.

I'm sorry, I just have the nastiest headache.

That's all right your Majesty,

everything will be all right.

Just relax.

Well we're back.

No sword here.

[*undistinct chat*]

Let's watch you.

Musketeers!

Musketeers.

What the...

***, come one, we've got work to do.

You're impossible all of you.

Here you are, the respected group of the King's elite army.

You're nothing but a bunch of drunken randy fools.

I've had it with you.

D'Artagnan, ***

Aha. The missing stones.

Uh-huh.

I've been expecting you,

what took you so long, whore?

Who are you calling a whore, harlot?

Give me those emeralds, right now.

No, you harlot.

***

Fuck me.

Come on girl, use your tongue.

Musketeers, I've retrieved the jewels.

Come on, to the palace we ride.

Your highness.

How ever did you get the necklace back?

Oh, it was nothing.

What I mean to say is Alexandra did play a...

a large part.

What I mean to say is, without her, we...

couldn't done it.

And what became of Lady D'Summer?

Well let's just say uh...

Your highness, that she'll be right inside out of quite some time.

Huh.

But where are the missing stones?

Oh, *** not your highness, they are...

amongst us.

Well where are they?

Lady, they are here.

The banquet starts in a few hours. Where are they?

Come on, come on. Out with them!

I'm trying!

More prunes perhaps?

No, please, no more prunes.

Push. Push.

Come on Alexandra, you can do it.

Push! Push! Push!

You are safe, Milady.

My friends, do you mind if I put this out of myself, huh?

By all means.

Now,

may you wear the King's cross,

and the pride of France go with you for.

You are now the fourth musketeer.

Arise.

Musketeers: all for one

And one for all!

We fight for liberty, equality,

Fraternity!

And I, gentlemen,

have something for all of you.

Darling, I'm having such a wonderful time, it's...

so perfect, it's so grand.

Well you know what?

I have something for you that will make it more wonderful.

- Oh, What? I can't imagine... - Prudence?

A surprise!

What is it this surprise? What is it?

Open it.

The necklace! Oh Queenie it's gorgeous.

Oh put it on. Put it on.

Not on you! On me!

This did look better on me.

A nasty smudge!

***

(Perfect, I *** that necklace)

I just love it, thank you so much.

Wonderful.

Sire,

your Majesty,

we your subjects, and the people of the entire world,

wish to celebrate with you your anniversary.

In honor of this specification,

the King of Siam has sent his country's finest dancers to entertain you.

Dancing... girls?

What's wrong with a few dancing boys?

And from Rome,

there's the most gifted musicians from all of Italy.

They have composed a song just for this occasion.

Oh. How sweet.

I couldn't possibly hear it right now, it would be...

just too much for me to handle.

And from the King and Queen of Portugal,

there are copious amounts of the finest wines

its fertile valleys have to offer.

For your approval, Sire.

Come closer, come closer.

Very good, very good.

There's a bit of lipstick on it.

Silence.

Silence.

It works every time.

Now, let's let the real festivities begin.

Because,

I too have a present for you, my love.

I hereby proclaim,

that all prisoners imprisoned unjustly,

shall be released this day.

Bring them in!

Where is cardinal Fallwell?

Philippe?

Where is your cardinal?

Sire, he hasn't been seen in days.

Well, stick around.

You can do it.

Now,

[*cardinal tries to speak*]

Shh, be patient,

everyone will have their turn to speak.

Now, you.

You wanted water.

Come forth.

[*cardinal tries to speak*]

Will you put a lid on it!

Here is your water.

Drink, quench your thirst.

[*cardinal tries to speak*]

Look, I said be quiet!

Now,

you, you wanted food.

Come and get your food.

Will somebody shut that man up?

Eat. Eat!

Look, I said be quiet,

and I'm only gonna tell you one more time.

And you,

you wanted pussy.

Here.

Here is your pussy.

I'm gonna be a wet *** too,

I love you wench!

And as for you,

back to the dungeon!

You ungrateful slimy, smelly little poo.

Maybe a few more years there will teach you some respect.

Take him away.

Oh now, if you want to party,

***

Gee, I love my job!

What's he doing in here again?

What the fuck is he doing?

Would you get the hell out of there?

Jesus Christ!

That's it, that's it.

Get out of here. Get out of here.

That's it, that's it. No!

Get out of here.

This is no work.

Cut. We'll do a roll.

That's it. Cut.

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Author: truc1979