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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,296 Darcy? 3 00:00:05,296 --> 00:00:06,923 - Darcy! 4 00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:08,508 Darcy! - What? 5 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 6 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,218 - Are you ready? - For what? 7 00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:11,468 Pop quiz! 8 00:00:11,468 --> 00:00:13,054 Jeremy, what?! 9 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,930 We're filming our special right now! 10 00:00:14,930 --> 00:00:16,474 That's today? 11 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,767 Darcy, it's right now. Let's go! 12 00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:21,395 Well, that explains why you're dressed like Walmart Liberace. 13 00:00:21,395 --> 00:00:22,813 Says the Golden Girls reject. 14 00:00:22,813 --> 00:00:26,609 Jeremy, I'll show you a Golden Girls reject! 15 00:00:29,862 --> 00:00:33,240 Are you finally ready? 16 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,243 I guess I have to go and carry a show now, too, eh? 17 00:00:36,243 --> 00:00:38,371 Try not to be hacky tonight. 18 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,539 Hey... 19 00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:41,749 Hacky's what we do. 20 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:44,502 - You ready? - Let's go. 21 00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:47,130 Please welcome your favourites! It's Darcy and Jer! 22 00:00:48,756 --> 00:00:50,133 ♪ Rolling up my sleeves ♪ 23 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,842 ♪ Right now I'm in my zone ♪ 24 00:00:51,842 --> 00:00:53,428 ♪ Put your eyes on me ♪ 25 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:57,056 ♪ I got the scars to show it didn't come for free ♪ 26 00:00:57,056 --> 00:01:00,101 ♪ It's been years in the making ♪ 27 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:02,227 ♪ So put your hands up high ♪ 28 00:01:02,227 --> 00:01:03,521 ♪ Baby, walk with me... ♪ 29 00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,230 Nanaimo! 30 00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:09,568 Hi, creeps! 31 00:01:10,944 --> 00:01:13,071 Nanaimo-o-o! 32 00:01:16,283 --> 00:01:17,869 I'm just happy he knows where he is. 33 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:19,286 Yeah! 34 00:01:19,286 --> 00:01:21,747 I know where I am 'cause I spent all day going, 35 00:01:21,747 --> 00:01:23,625 "What the fuck are we doing in Nanaimo?" 36 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,337 Plus, there's a giant sign. 37 00:01:28,337 --> 00:01:30,297 I forgot where we were one night, 38 00:01:30,297 --> 00:01:32,133 so now they do this. 39 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,845 The "dumbass" is new. 40 00:01:36,845 --> 00:01:38,348 Yeah, I thought it needed something extra, 41 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,431 a special night tonight. 42 00:01:40,724 --> 00:01:42,893 This is wild. Thank you for being here. 43 00:01:42,893 --> 00:01:45,938 It's still so weird seeing this dude on stage with me. 44 00:01:45,938 --> 00:01:47,565 - What? 45 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:49,191 It's still so weird holding a microphone. 46 00:01:49,191 --> 00:01:50,276 Yeah... 47 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:51,986 He's used to the shape. 48 00:01:54,988 --> 00:01:56,825 At least this one won't get you wet. 49 00:01:59,326 --> 00:02:00,911 Woo! 50 00:02:00,911 --> 00:02:03,373 This has been wild. Tonight's our 50th show 51 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,623 of our tour. 52 00:02:04,623 --> 00:02:05,707 50 shows. 53 00:02:05,707 --> 00:02:08,670 - Wow! 54 00:02:10,546 --> 00:02:13,048 When they first came to me last year 55 00:02:13,048 --> 00:02:16,510 and pitched the idea of Jer and I 56 00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:19,429 doing a standup comedy tour together, 57 00:02:19,429 --> 00:02:22,350 my first reaction was, "Fuck no!" 58 00:02:23,725 --> 00:02:25,937 Then I saw the offer. 59 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,522 And here we are! 60 00:02:30,691 --> 00:02:32,569 I have no idea how this is gonna go, 61 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,695 but we can promise you one thing... 62 00:02:34,695 --> 00:02:36,321 No refunds! 63 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,451 Well, maybe some refunds if you're in one of those cities 64 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:42,369 we had to cancel 'cause Darcy hurt his knee. 65 00:02:42,369 --> 00:02:44,038 Oh, he loves to bring this up. 66 00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,123 He's still upset that he lost some money. 67 00:02:46,123 --> 00:02:48,375 If you haven't been paying attention at home, 68 00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:52,338 at our Boston show I tore my meniscus on stage 69 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:56,217 doing a bum drop for the people, 70 00:02:56,217 --> 00:03:00,679 sacrificing my body for you creeps, 71 00:03:00,679 --> 00:03:02,849 and yeah, we had to cancel some shows 72 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:05,976 and I haven't been allowed to do bum drops on stage ever since. 73 00:03:05,976 --> 00:03:09,105 So I'm sorry, I'm not gonna do them tonight. 74 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:11,398 -Aww! - However, I have a work-around. 75 00:03:11,398 --> 00:03:14,110 Every time I feel the urge to do one, 76 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,904 I'm just gonna make Jer do one instead. 77 00:03:16,904 --> 00:03:18,488 - Yeah! 78 00:03:18,488 --> 00:03:21,034 Go ahead, give them a tease. 79 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,744 - Hey-hey! 80 00:03:23,744 --> 00:03:26,497 That was good! 81 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:27,665 That was hot! 82 00:03:28,832 --> 00:03:30,417 What's up? 83 00:03:30,417 --> 00:03:31,753 Everybody out! 84 00:03:34,296 --> 00:03:36,089 You can come back in two to three minutes. 85 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,969 You're nervous. I can feel your energy. 86 00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:41,887 Chill out. You good? 87 00:03:41,887 --> 00:03:43,264 Remember what I said backstage? 88 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,557 "Fuck these people." 89 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:47,935 "We already got their money." 90 00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:52,814 I'm gonna buy so many plants with your money. 91 00:03:58,862 --> 00:03:59,988 You good? 92 00:03:59,988 --> 00:04:03,700 Just... take a deep breath and say hello. 93 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,786 - Hi. - A little bit, but I'll be okay. 94 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,416 You gonna be okay? Can we stop standing sideways? 95 00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,919 I look like a hard-boiled egg grew legs. 96 00:04:15,712 --> 00:04:17,298 Humpty Dumpty never looked so gay. 97 00:04:18,799 --> 00:04:21,760 Humpty Dumpty wished he looked this gay, eh? 98 00:04:21,885 --> 00:04:23,805 Oh, I was about to do it! 99 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,013 - I can't! 100 00:04:25,013 --> 00:04:27,099 Give 'em another-- I was gonna do one. 101 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,563 Y'all are stuck with us for the next 90 minutes. 102 00:04:33,563 --> 00:04:35,608 - 90 minutes?! 103 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:36,943 Don't worry, there's an intermission! 104 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,277 There better be an intermission. 105 00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:41,281 My ADHD cannot pay attention that long. 106 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,825 This is gonna be a big change for all of us 107 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:46,243 considering most of you are used to watching us 108 00:04:46,243 --> 00:04:50,623 for 20 seconds at a time while you take a shit at work. 109 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,294 No pooping, people! 110 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,794 - Yeah! 111 00:04:55,794 --> 00:04:57,671 The theatre was very clear. 112 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,217 Before we get too into the show, though, 113 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,635 for those of you that have been dragged here tonight 114 00:05:03,635 --> 00:05:06,471 that have no idea who we are, 115 00:05:06,471 --> 00:05:08,308 let me introduce us. 116 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,851 I'm Bert. 117 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,101 This is Ernie. 118 00:05:15,856 --> 00:05:17,734 I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. 119 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,527 I'm Cam. This is Mitchell. 120 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,198 I'm kidding. This is Co. Dependent. 121 00:05:27,284 --> 00:05:28,661 - Are you done? - One more. 122 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,830 I'm RuPaul Charles! 123 00:05:32,164 --> 00:05:34,207 Mother has arrived! 124 00:05:36,126 --> 00:05:37,753 I guess that makes me Michelle Visage? 125 00:05:37,753 --> 00:05:38,921 Yeah! 126 00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,214 Shake those titties, mama. 127 00:05:44,301 --> 00:05:46,219 Babe, that was terrible. 128 00:05:46,219 --> 00:05:48,306 You gotta put your hips into it. 129 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,806 You gotta-- here, I'll pop a tit. 130 00:05:49,806 --> 00:05:51,017 Hey?! 131 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,519 You didn't know, did ya? You didn't know! 132 00:05:56,897 --> 00:05:59,233 Actually, this is my husband, 133 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,318 the internet's favourite idiot, Darcy Michael. 134 00:06:01,318 --> 00:06:02,570 Hiyee! 135 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:09,034 And this is my husband, Jeremy Baer, 136 00:06:09,034 --> 00:06:11,704 otherwise known as Captain Buzzkill. 137 00:06:18,251 --> 00:06:19,378 We fuck. 138 00:06:19,503 --> 00:06:22,005 - Darcy! 139 00:06:29,096 --> 00:06:30,597 Just seein' if you're listenin'. 140 00:06:32,349 --> 00:06:36,561 The first "Darcy!" and eyeroll of the night-- check! 141 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:40,108 And the French laugh! 142 00:06:42,818 --> 00:06:45,195 - We're doin' it. - The Darcy and Jer trifecta. 143 00:06:45,195 --> 00:06:47,072 Yeah. 144 00:06:47,072 --> 00:06:49,075 It's so funny doing this tour. 145 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,993 You know, like, before we started this tour, 146 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:53,871 Jer and I always thought we had a small circle of friends. 147 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:56,541 And then we announced 50 shows across North America 148 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,793 and found out we had friends in every city, 149 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:01,753 and all of them wanted free tickets to our show. 150 00:07:01,753 --> 00:07:03,296 -Yeah! 151 00:07:03,296 --> 00:07:05,133 I see you. I know where you are. 152 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,174 Yeah! 153 00:07:06,174 --> 00:07:07,385 And it's always so funny 154 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:08,719 'cause they're always so awkward about it. 155 00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,137 Like, "Hey... 156 00:07:10,137 --> 00:07:13,056 "You might not remember me, but I was wondering 157 00:07:13,056 --> 00:07:15,351 "if I could get a couple tickets to your show." 158 00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,353 And it's like, "Not remember you, Heather? 159 00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,479 "You're our daughter's mother." 160 00:07:22,315 --> 00:07:24,025 And no, you can't have a free ticket! 161 00:07:24,025 --> 00:07:25,486 No. 162 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,447 You already got to fuck my husband! 163 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,157 What more do you want, lady?! 164 00:07:30,157 --> 00:07:33,161 That's a pretty specific meet and greet! 165 00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:40,084 Does he look mad? I can't, I'm scared. 166 00:07:42,419 --> 00:07:44,005 You're really listening tonight. 167 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:46,966 Just before we came on, he's like, 168 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,758 "Can you just, like, try and stick 169 00:07:48,758 --> 00:07:51,094 "to the normal stuff tonight for the special?" 170 00:07:51,094 --> 00:07:52,305 I was like, "No!" 171 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,308 That's no fun. 172 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,851 There's no dopamine in that for me. 173 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,104 It's been so amazing doing this tour, 174 00:08:01,104 --> 00:08:03,149 especially after, like, you know, 175 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,650 living with all of you online over the last few years 176 00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:07,736 and finally being able to get out here in person 177 00:08:07,736 --> 00:08:09,070 and see you. 178 00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:10,781 Actually, Sue, can we bring the lights up? 179 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:13,284 I just wanna look at ya. I just wanna see your faces. 180 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,786 Oh, look at this! Hello! 181 00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:18,122 We brought the fashion! Hi, everybody! 182 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,666 Now you're all awkward 'cause you're like, "We're on camera." 183 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,542 Fuckin' lighten up! So am I! 184 00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:25,838 It blows Jer and I away, night after night, 185 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,215 that this many people wanna come and hang out with us. 186 00:08:28,215 --> 00:08:30,426 So to everybody in the room, thank you so much. 187 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,844 It means the world to us. Thank you for being here. 188 00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:37,432 Darcy, I'm pretty sure they're here for me. 189 00:08:37,432 --> 00:08:39,142 - For you ? - For me. 190 00:08:39,142 --> 00:08:40,810 - Oh! Okay! 191 00:08:40,810 --> 00:08:44,565 Oh, well, hey! Okay, settle down. 192 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:47,234 We don't need to-- no, don't let me get in the way. 193 00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:49,320 I would love to retire early tonight. 194 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,863 So, uh, enjoy... 195 00:08:51,863 --> 00:08:54,908 whatever the fuck this is about to be. 196 00:08:54,908 --> 00:08:57,244 - Nice try, Darcy. 197 00:08:57,244 --> 00:08:58,829 You're staying up here the whole time. 198 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,956 Aww! I was about to have a crazy 199 00:09:00,956 --> 00:09:02,916 little Friday night in Nanaimo. 200 00:09:02,916 --> 00:09:04,417 It's Tuesday! 201 00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:13,051 - Is it actually? - He's always on brand. 202 00:09:13,051 --> 00:09:15,179 Hey, Candace, can we start adding 203 00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,098 the fucking day of the week to this? 204 00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:22,603 Oh, well. 205 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:25,230 At least I'm not the only confused dude in the room here, 206 00:09:25,355 --> 00:09:28,066 'cause I know for sure there's a dude in the back being like, 207 00:09:28,066 --> 00:09:30,444 "What a second, are these two gay?" 208 00:09:32,028 --> 00:09:33,781 "I thought they were roommates!" 209 00:09:35,657 --> 00:09:37,118 Thanks for comin', Dad! 210 00:09:40,036 --> 00:09:41,830 Sorry you had to find out this way! 211 00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:43,958 - Yeah! 212 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:46,334 It's been such a wild year for us and, like, 213 00:09:46,334 --> 00:09:48,963 not even just with this tour but, like, on a personal note, 214 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,047 this year marks the 20th anniversary 215 00:09:51,047 --> 00:09:52,633 of our first date together. 216 00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:55,261 - Yeah. - 20 years! 217 00:09:59,139 --> 00:10:01,099 It was the day after Valentine's Day 218 00:10:01,099 --> 00:10:02,892 'cause we both had boyfriends for Valentine's. 219 00:10:02,892 --> 00:10:04,269 Yeah! 220 00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:06,814 ♪ 'Cause gays are sluts! ♪ 221 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:09,816 It's wild to me. 222 00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:13,445 If you had told me 20 years ago 223 00:10:13,445 --> 00:10:17,617 that we would be standing on this stage together tonight, 224 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,703 performing... without a pole... 225 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:23,538 I never would have believed it! 226 00:10:23,538 --> 00:10:25,123 If you had told me 20 years ago 227 00:10:25,123 --> 00:10:27,042 I'd go on a second date with a guy 228 00:10:27,042 --> 00:10:28,252 that showed up wearing a purse... 229 00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,420 Oh, fuck off! 230 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,129 - I'd be shocked! - It wasn't a purse. 231 00:10:31,129 --> 00:10:32,589 We've had this argument for 20 years. 232 00:10:32,589 --> 00:10:35,176 It was a Mountain Equipment Co-op sidebag. 233 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:38,887 They were very in style in 2004. 234 00:10:38,887 --> 00:10:40,723 It was a purse. 235 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,141 Homophobe. 236 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,728 Now you're flirting with me? 237 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:47,437 Yeah! 238 00:10:47,437 --> 00:10:49,690 Yeah, daddy, let's get some hate sex goin'! 239 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,902 Oh, actually, shit, that reminds me; I forgot. 240 00:10:53,902 --> 00:10:57,364 Uh, for our straight fans here tonight, first of all, 241 00:10:57,364 --> 00:10:58,699 our condolences. 242 00:11:00,575 --> 00:11:05,122 We understand that it is not a choice and we support you. 243 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,417 You're welcome. 244 00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:10,293 You have allies. 245 00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,924 He means thank you for being the allies you are. 246 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,216 Sure. 247 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:20,595 Tonight, Jer and I are gonna be telling some stories 248 00:11:20,595 --> 00:11:22,306 of our lived experience, 249 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:24,349 and at times we might use language 250 00:11:24,349 --> 00:11:26,017 that we have the right to use. 251 00:11:26,017 --> 00:11:28,646 And to our straight fans, we just ask that you don't use 252 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,230 that language when you leave here tonight. 253 00:11:30,230 --> 00:11:31,357 That's all. 254 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,025 - Thanks; I appreciate it. 255 00:11:35,985 --> 00:11:38,406 Sure, yet I'm the buzzkill. 256 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,740 Is this a comedy show or a TED Talk? 257 00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:42,826 Babe, I don't think it counts as either. 258 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,663 I get it's weird doing a disclaimer like that, 259 00:11:46,663 --> 00:11:48,331 but think about it this way: 260 00:11:48,331 --> 00:11:51,377 sure, a couple of you can't repeat our jokes tonight. 261 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:54,379 But at the same time, you don't have to leave here tonight 262 00:11:54,379 --> 00:11:55,756 and suck some old dude's dick. 263 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,389 At least my knees work! 264 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,023 I wouldn't know! 265 00:12:15,692 --> 00:12:17,987 Oh my god, is this a Jerry Springer taping? 266 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,405 - What has happened? 267 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:23,200 - Are we gonna wrestle? 268 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,368 I feel so bad for the people here tonight 269 00:12:25,368 --> 00:12:27,245 that only know us from plant videos. 270 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:32,167 Do your research, people! 271 00:12:32,167 --> 00:12:34,295 "I thought they were just gonna garden!" 272 00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:39,300 Our agents are here somewhere in the audience tonight as well. 273 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,176 Yeah, to make sure they get their 20%. 274 00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:42,469 Yeah. 275 00:12:42,469 --> 00:12:44,012 We have two sets of agents, right? 276 00:12:44,012 --> 00:12:45,638 We have our social media agents 277 00:12:45,638 --> 00:12:48,184 and then my film and television agents. 278 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,810 Or, as we like to call them... 279 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:52,979 The rich ones and my film and television agents. 280 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:58,067 When was the last time you did something for film or TV, Darcy? 281 00:12:58,067 --> 00:12:59,777 When was the last time you did 282 00:12:59,777 --> 00:13:01,238 something for film or TV, Darcy? 283 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,824 When's the last time you fuckin' did anything, dude? 284 00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:07,368 This guy quit his job two years ago, 285 00:13:07,368 --> 00:13:10,288 and now a day in the life of Jeremy Baer 286 00:13:10,288 --> 00:13:13,124 is rolling out of bed at 11 in the morning, 287 00:13:13,249 --> 00:13:15,668 smoking one of my joints, 288 00:13:15,668 --> 00:13:18,464 and then playing one of my video games. 289 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,714 - He's... 290 00:13:19,714 --> 00:13:21,258 No, do not! 291 00:13:24,552 --> 00:13:27,056 No, he's stolen my life! 292 00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:30,142 He Freaky Fridayed me! 293 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,810 - House husband, baby! - No, no, no! 294 00:13:32,810 --> 00:13:35,522 - No! 295 00:13:35,522 --> 00:13:38,566 He's Single White Female-ing me. 296 00:13:38,566 --> 00:13:40,652 We're gonna end up on an episode of Dateline 297 00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:42,488 and you're all accomplices. 298 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,950 When's the last time I did anything? 299 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:48,618 This is my first time performing in Nanaimo 300 00:13:48,618 --> 00:13:50,161 and I'm already filming a special 301 00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:51,788 in a front of a sold-out house. 302 00:13:51,788 --> 00:13:54,123 - Okay! Wow. 303 00:13:54,123 --> 00:13:57,961 That's a good flex. 304 00:13:57,961 --> 00:14:01,507 The last time I performed in Nanaimo was five years ago 305 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:05,344 at the Corner Lounge for 18 people, 306 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:09,056 and 12 of them did not know it was standup comedy night. 307 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:14,394 - Is that why you quit standup? - Yes! 308 00:14:14,394 --> 00:14:17,230 100%, Nanaimo, you're the fuckin' reason. 309 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,444 I actually did-- I quit standup in 2019, 310 00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:24,445 and a lot of people, like, we never really 311 00:14:24,445 --> 00:14:27,449 talked about it before this. I did it for 18 years. 312 00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:30,286 I toured this country and all over North America 313 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:33,455 for $100 a show, chasing a dream. 314 00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,456 18 years of saying goodbye to my husband 315 00:14:35,456 --> 00:14:37,041 and our daughter every weekend, 316 00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:38,752 alone in a crappy hotel room. 317 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,004 And after a while, I was like, "It's not hitting." 318 00:14:41,004 --> 00:14:43,590 And so, in 2019, I was like, "I'm just gonna stop. 319 00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:45,383 "I'm gonna hang out in the garden." 320 00:14:45,383 --> 00:14:48,554 And it was the best thing I ever did. 321 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,306 - That's cute. 322 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,016 Truth be told... 323 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:55,393 Darcy discovered microdosing magic mushrooms in 2019. 324 00:14:57,437 --> 00:14:59,272 And he wouldn't leave the garden! 325 00:15:01,441 --> 00:15:03,444 It's a coincidental timing, for sure. 326 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,739 Mushrooms are like a breath mint for the soul, okay? 327 00:15:07,739 --> 00:15:10,158 Like, here we are, five years later, 328 00:15:10,158 --> 00:15:13,286 and I'm fatter, happier, dressed like a gay disco ball. 329 00:15:13,286 --> 00:15:16,040 Tell me it doesn't work. Tell me. 330 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,421 We do talk a lot about mental health online. 331 00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:24,882 Which means, statistically, 332 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:28,093 a lot of you here tonight are mentally unwell. 333 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:34,349 - Welcome home! - Yeah! 334 00:15:34,349 --> 00:15:36,225 Let's actually do a little check-in with each other. 335 00:15:36,225 --> 00:15:37,603 Make some noise if you remembered 336 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,396 to take your meds today. 337 00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:43,651 - Yes! Love it! 338 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,777 Now make some noise if the edible has kicked in. 339 00:15:45,777 --> 00:15:48,948 - Yeah! 340 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,740 Darcy, I said after the show! 341 00:15:50,740 --> 00:15:53,243 - Meh, meh, meh, meh... 342 00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,661 Actually, now I wanna know: 343 00:15:54,661 --> 00:15:56,455 make some noise if you just realized 344 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,165 you forgot to take your meds. 345 00:15:58,165 --> 00:15:59,416 - What do you need? 346 00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,876 What do you need? 347 00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,835 With this group, I'm sure we've got a small pharmacy. 348 00:16:05,546 --> 00:16:06,924 Actually, you know what? 349 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,718 Sorry, Sue, can we bring the lights up one more time? 350 00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:12,512 Sorry, I know you guys hate it, but it's my special. 351 00:16:13,763 --> 00:16:15,516 Our special... 352 00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,644 Okay, if you're physically able to and you're comfortable, 353 00:16:19,644 --> 00:16:21,897 this is my favourite part of doing this tour. 354 00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:24,650 Stand up if you have ADHD or you're neurodiverse. 355 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,362 Fuck yes! Yes! 356 00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:29,738 Look at you! 357 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:31,281 Look around! 358 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:32,782 This is amazing. 359 00:16:32,782 --> 00:16:34,325 Look at the ADHD section! 360 00:16:34,325 --> 00:16:36,369 The entire balcony is standing up 361 00:16:36,369 --> 00:16:37,705 'cause you bought your tickets too late. 362 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,499 Okay, you can sit down. 363 00:16:41,499 --> 00:16:43,334 Honestly, I just wanted to give people with ADHD 364 00:16:43,334 --> 00:16:44,711 a chance to stand up. 365 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,757 You're welcome, friends. I see you. 366 00:16:49,757 --> 00:16:52,093 For those of you unaware, Darcy has ADHD. 367 00:16:52,093 --> 00:16:53,887 Ha! 368 00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,222 They're aware. 369 00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:57,349 You've been filming it for clout for five years. 370 00:16:59,726 --> 00:17:01,436 I got diagnosed late in life. 371 00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:04,356 I only got diagnosed with ADHD six years ago. 372 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,274 I was an '80s and '90s kid, you know? 373 00:17:06,274 --> 00:17:08,526 We didn't talk about mental health back then. 374 00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:10,279 Like, back then, your health was, 375 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,946 "Are you bleeding? No? 376 00:17:11,946 --> 00:17:13,072 "Go to school." Right? 377 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,368 And so, when I started going, first of all, 378 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,869 getting assessed and getting diagnosed 379 00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:20,039 was obviously very easy for me. 380 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,915 Uh, mainly because I missed 381 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:23,916 my assessment appointment four times. 382 00:17:25,168 --> 00:17:26,419 On the fifth appointment, 383 00:17:26,419 --> 00:17:28,464 I just walked in and they gave me a certificate. 384 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,589 I was like, "Thank you!" 385 00:17:31,632 --> 00:17:33,051 "I'm gonna lose this!" 386 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,554 - And he did! - Yeah! 387 00:17:36,554 --> 00:17:39,433 Didn't even make it to the car. 388 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:42,060 But I remember afterwards, going to my parents 389 00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:45,522 and being like, "Did you have any idea that I had ADHD?" 390 00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:47,608 And they were both just like, "No. 391 00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,443 "We just thought you were an asshole." 392 00:17:51,736 --> 00:17:53,781 - That still tracks. - Yeah. 393 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:56,867 Darcy actually has a book deal 394 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,785 writing about his journey with ADHD. 395 00:17:58,785 --> 00:17:59,953 - Yeah. 396 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,413 No, settle down, settle down-- 397 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,080 he's 12 months past the deadline. 398 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,707 - Yeah! 399 00:18:04,707 --> 00:18:06,793 Don't ask someone with ADHD to write a book. 400 00:18:06,793 --> 00:18:08,378 We're busy. 401 00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:10,089 And for the record, I sent in, like, 402 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,174 100 pages a week or two ago. 403 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,550 Oh, please. 404 00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:16,386 He sent in the title and the rest was blank. 405 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,805 It's the perfect book for people with ADHD. 406 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,559 Finally, a book we can finish. 407 00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:25,311 Do what you want with it. Make a list, draw a picture. 408 00:18:25,311 --> 00:18:27,606 Trace your dick... DM it to me! 409 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:32,194 It's not Choose Your Own Adventure. 410 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,486 Depends on the dick! 411 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,662 RIP to your DMs. 412 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,081 For those of you watching at home, 413 00:18:45,081 --> 00:18:47,876 please don't DM me your dick pics without consent. 414 00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:50,169 It's weird. 415 00:18:50,169 --> 00:18:52,004 Except for you, Harry Styles. 416 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,218 My ADHD literally just started making a list 417 00:18:57,218 --> 00:18:59,012 of all the other men I was gonna exclude. 418 00:19:00,763 --> 00:19:03,308 We'll put it in the note. Check the credits! 419 00:19:05,935 --> 00:19:08,397 I have no idea what we were talking about. 420 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,689 - ADHD! 421 00:19:09,689 --> 00:19:12,734 Ha! 422 00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,610 Part of the reason why we have an intermission 423 00:19:14,610 --> 00:19:16,864 for our show is 'cause Darcy is a horrible 424 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,072 audience member. 425 00:19:18,072 --> 00:19:20,242 I had a feeling when we were doing this tour 426 00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:22,953 that we were gonna have a lot of spicy friends in the audience, 427 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,496 and so I was like, "We need to give them a break," 428 00:19:25,496 --> 00:19:26,999 because I hate going to live shows. 429 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,332 I get so much anxiety about, 430 00:19:28,332 --> 00:19:29,710 is there gonna be an intermission? 431 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,294 Am I gonna get an aisle seat? 432 00:19:31,294 --> 00:19:32,879 All these things that I need to know. 433 00:19:32,879 --> 00:19:34,505 So I want my friends to know, 434 00:19:34,505 --> 00:19:36,090 we call it the ADHD Halftime Stretch 435 00:19:36,090 --> 00:19:37,426 and I promise it's coming. 436 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,345 But also, if at any point that you need to stand up 437 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,598 or you need to move around or if you have tics 438 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,683 that you're holding back, just know that, 439 00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:48,561 clearly, this is a safe room, and just be a fuckin' weirdo. 440 00:19:48,561 --> 00:19:49,937 We're not gonna come for you! 441 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,399 Yeah. It's a safe space. 442 00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:57,612 I'm a terrible audience member. 443 00:19:57,612 --> 00:20:00,197 I go to counselling and therapy 'cause it's cool! 444 00:20:00,197 --> 00:20:02,408 And one of the things my therapist taught me 445 00:20:02,408 --> 00:20:05,204 when I'm going to shows, or even going to a movie, 446 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,788 she's like, "You've chosen to go, 447 00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,497 "so just remind yourself, 448 00:20:08,497 --> 00:20:09,791 "when you're sitting in that seat, 449 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,417 "you've chosen to be here. 450 00:20:11,417 --> 00:20:14,420 "Whatever is waiting for you outside these theatre doors, 451 00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:17,424 "just leave them there and be here now." 452 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,342 Brought to you by the Better Help app. 453 00:20:19,342 --> 00:20:21,762 Use code DarcyJer15 to save. 454 00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:25,224 I wish he was kidding. 455 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,391 That code is good for 7 days. 456 00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:33,482 The corporate stooge is very much alive with this man, okay? 457 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,609 If it was up to Jer, he would monetize every part of my-- 458 00:20:36,609 --> 00:20:38,320 if it was up to Jer, 459 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,698 I would look like a fucking NASCAR driver everywhere I go, 460 00:20:42,698 --> 00:20:45,493 head to toe logos. 461 00:20:45,493 --> 00:20:47,412 The first act was brought to you by NASCAR. 462 00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,915 - No, it wasn't! 463 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,501 NASCAR is not exactly investing marketing money 464 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:55,462 into a middle-aged gay white couple in Nanaimo, so... 465 00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:59,340 But if they did, I'd rewrite their slogan. 466 00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,801 It'd be "NASCAR. Why turn right?" 467 00:21:05,012 --> 00:21:07,432 Now we know where our straight allies are sitting. 468 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:09,518 Yeah, and a couple of lesbians, 469 00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,352 'cause I heard some deep-throated laughter 470 00:21:11,352 --> 00:21:13,062 right over there. 471 00:21:13,062 --> 00:21:16,191 I see my little Homo Depots there. 472 00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:18,068 It's been such a weird journey for us, 473 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,529 coming from online to in-person, 474 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:23,532 especially 'cause obviously the community guidelines 475 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:26,493 on social media make us a little more wholesome 476 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,578 than our salty in-person selves, 477 00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:31,039 and it drives me crazy 'cause normally with standup, 478 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:34,126 I'd just run out and be like, "Buddy, your beard and my beard, 479 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:36,043 "let's find out what Velcro tastes like!" 480 00:21:36,043 --> 00:21:37,294 Right? "Let's go!" 481 00:21:37,294 --> 00:21:39,130 But no, I can't anymore 482 00:21:39,130 --> 00:21:41,090 because we're fuckin' wholesome. 483 00:21:41,090 --> 00:21:42,717 Language, Darcy! 484 00:21:42,717 --> 00:21:44,511 Sorry. Wholesome AF! 485 00:21:46,053 --> 00:21:48,432 Hashtag, #LoveIsLove! 486 00:21:50,391 --> 00:21:53,145 I'm just saying now I know how Bob Saget felt 487 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,312 all those years making Full House. 488 00:21:58,191 --> 00:22:00,068 Settle down, he said, "Saget." 489 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:05,072 We've been learning a lot over the last couple years. 490 00:22:05,072 --> 00:22:07,783 We obviously never expected our relationship 491 00:22:07,783 --> 00:22:10,829 to become a famous brand of any sort. 492 00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:12,621 It's weird. We're learning a lot of things. 493 00:22:12,621 --> 00:22:15,082 I know a lot of you know we've moved this year, 494 00:22:15,082 --> 00:22:17,252 and one of the things we haven't talked about publicly 495 00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:19,588 is why we moved, and it's 'cause we've been dealing 496 00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:22,757 with a stalker for 10 months, and it's been really scary shit. 497 00:22:22,757 --> 00:22:24,885 The worst thing is we discovered we had a stalker 498 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:26,427 when we were overseas in Europe. 499 00:22:26,427 --> 00:22:29,348 We discovered our stalker had followed us from Canada 500 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,183 to Greece, to-- where else did we go? 501 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,144 To Ireland, to Scotland, to London... 502 00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:36,480 And do you know how we found out? 503 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,732 They were in the background of our selfies, 504 00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:41,109 over and over again. 505 00:22:41,109 --> 00:22:42,319 Terrifying stuff. 506 00:22:44,111 --> 00:22:46,406 But... 507 00:22:46,406 --> 00:22:49,033 at the same time... 508 00:22:49,033 --> 00:22:51,578 it's kinda nice to know we have a rich stalker, you know? 509 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,872 All he cares about is the demographic. 510 00:22:56,082 --> 00:22:58,001 And there is a little part of me that, 511 00:22:58,001 --> 00:22:59,378 when we were first going through it, 512 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:00,462 that was a little flattered. 513 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:02,339 You know, like, "What? 514 00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:04,340 " Me ? 515 00:23:04,340 --> 00:23:06,885 "He wants to wear my skin?" 516 00:23:08,845 --> 00:23:10,429 "This old thing?" 517 00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:14,225 It is very roomy. 518 00:23:17,853 --> 00:23:20,272 I guess we could technically have a couple stalkers in here. 519 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:24,820 - Maybe if they were two twinks. - Yeah! 520 00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:27,196 Wouldn't be the first time I've tried to get a couple twinks 521 00:23:27,196 --> 00:23:28,407 inside this body. 522 00:23:40,292 --> 00:23:41,837 Plant people, 523 00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:44,839 you're gonna wanna start a list to Google at intermission. 524 00:23:44,839 --> 00:23:46,966 Start with "twinks"... 525 00:23:46,966 --> 00:23:48,801 We all do... 526 00:23:53,305 --> 00:23:54,808 That was so funny! 527 00:23:57,519 --> 00:23:59,228 What? 528 00:23:59,228 --> 00:24:00,605 That was so good! 529 00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:05,651 Now you're coming for this fuckin' job, too? 530 00:24:06,903 --> 00:24:08,195 You distracted me. 531 00:24:08,195 --> 00:24:09,906 Oh, we were talking about the stalker. 532 00:24:09,906 --> 00:24:11,699 We get a lot of views every month 533 00:24:11,699 --> 00:24:13,702 and we never expected it. 534 00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:16,455 We said to each other early on that we wanted to make sure 535 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,497 our channels were a safe space 536 00:24:18,497 --> 00:24:21,877 for the 15-year-old version of us looking for community, 537 00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:23,544 and that meant the comment section, too. 538 00:24:23,544 --> 00:24:26,005 So, Jer and I always make sure that we're monitoring 539 00:24:26,005 --> 00:24:28,132 the comments and our team is monitoring it, 540 00:24:28,257 --> 00:24:30,676 and we take out hate comments. And some people don't like that. 541 00:24:30,676 --> 00:24:32,637 They're like, "Let people police themselves." 542 00:24:32,637 --> 00:24:34,473 But in my world, don't use my platform 543 00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:35,639 to spread your fuckin' hate. 544 00:24:35,639 --> 00:24:36,849 Go somewhere else. 545 00:24:36,849 --> 00:24:38,851 You can go to your own echo chamber. 546 00:24:38,851 --> 00:24:40,311 Not on our page. 547 00:24:42,813 --> 00:24:44,273 And sometimes it's tough. 548 00:24:44,273 --> 00:24:46,318 We deal with a lot of hate online, 549 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:47,776 and the worst was this right-wing group 550 00:24:47,776 --> 00:24:49,820 shared our YouTube channel one day 551 00:24:49,820 --> 00:24:52,240 and we woke up to over 10,000 death threats, 552 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:53,532 and it was awful shit. 553 00:24:53,532 --> 00:24:55,159 They get around getting flagged in the comments 554 00:24:55,284 --> 00:24:56,410 by changing the spelling. 555 00:24:56,410 --> 00:24:59,414 Instead of "kill" us, it's "k-1-l-l." 556 00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:00,831 But sometimes it works. 557 00:25:00,831 --> 00:25:03,335 Like, I got called a "fagoot." 558 00:25:05,294 --> 00:25:06,420 - What? - Settle down. 559 00:25:06,420 --> 00:25:08,173 He said, "Saget." 560 00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:10,716 Fagoot? That's adorable! 561 00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:14,678 What is that, French? 562 00:25:14,678 --> 00:25:16,223 Bonjour. Je m'appelle Fagoot. 563 00:25:18,308 --> 00:25:20,685 Bonjour, comment ma face! 564 00:25:26,733 --> 00:25:28,400 Here, eat some pineapple. 565 00:25:35,199 --> 00:25:36,701 Fagoot. 566 00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:38,328 Fagoot! 567 00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:39,870 It's so cute! 568 00:25:39,870 --> 00:25:42,831 "Are you flirting with me, sir?" 569 00:25:42,831 --> 00:25:46,127 I don't actually think you wanna kill my fagoot ass... 570 00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:49,172 ♪ But I believe you wanna murder it! ♪ 571 00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,307 But also, just understand: if you called me a fagoot 572 00:25:59,307 --> 00:26:03,102 to my face, I'm gonna drive my Ram 1500 right up your ass. 573 00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:07,232 Do you promise? 574 00:26:14,071 --> 00:26:15,907 Jeremy! 575 00:26:15,907 --> 00:26:18,284 It's a family show! 576 00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:23,455 Everybody, get out. 577 00:26:26,458 --> 00:26:27,836 What were we talking about? I... 578 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,214 Here's the thing. 579 00:26:31,214 --> 00:26:33,882 You're gonna see me reference these a couple times. 580 00:26:33,882 --> 00:26:36,386 And we had a lot of different options when it came to-- 581 00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:38,346 we've been using these for the tour and here, 582 00:26:38,346 --> 00:26:41,308 if I'm being totally honest, I quit standup in 2019 583 00:26:41,308 --> 00:26:43,059 'cause it destroyed my mental health, 584 00:26:43,059 --> 00:26:45,270 and a lot of it came from anxiety 585 00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:47,938 with my ADHD and trying to-- you know, 586 00:26:47,938 --> 00:26:50,984 I was always worried about losing where I was in my show. 587 00:26:50,984 --> 00:26:54,236 And in my last special, they didn't have a teleprompter 588 00:26:54,236 --> 00:26:56,697 and they wouldn't let me have notes on the stage, 589 00:26:56,697 --> 00:26:59,326 and it gave me so much stress that I was just like, 590 00:26:59,326 --> 00:27:01,744 "I'm done." And so, when we decided to do this show, 591 00:27:01,744 --> 00:27:04,080 I said to Jer, "We have to find ways to protect 592 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,206 "our mental health while still enjoying it," 593 00:27:06,206 --> 00:27:08,542 and part of them is having these cue cards 594 00:27:08,542 --> 00:27:10,587 to remind me of things I wanna talk about. 595 00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:12,213 And to my ADHD friends, 596 00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:14,299 the only thing I want you to take from that 597 00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:16,509 is our brains work differently, 598 00:27:16,509 --> 00:27:18,802 so we're allowed to work differently, too. 599 00:27:18,802 --> 00:27:20,554 There's no shame in that shit, 600 00:27:20,554 --> 00:27:23,140 so just know that for yourselves. 601 00:27:30,522 --> 00:27:32,859 A lot of people wanna know how I lost the weight. 602 00:27:32,859 --> 00:27:35,361 Oh, shit. 603 00:27:35,361 --> 00:27:37,321 That's from your last tour, Darcy. 604 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:40,574 This makes more sense. 605 00:27:42,159 --> 00:27:44,370 A lot of people wanna know how I gained the weight. 606 00:27:48,082 --> 00:27:50,710 It's so dumb and it's his favourite bit. 607 00:27:54,798 --> 00:27:56,800 I'll tell you how I gained the weight. 608 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,843 That bitch, COVID! That's how, okay? 609 00:27:59,843 --> 00:28:02,012 Something changed in our psyche. 610 00:28:02,137 --> 00:28:05,349 Before COVID, the idea of ordering pizza 611 00:28:05,349 --> 00:28:07,726 twice in one week was naughty, 612 00:28:07,726 --> 00:28:09,771 and then COVID hit, 613 00:28:09,771 --> 00:28:12,607 and all of a sudden ordering pizza twice in one day 614 00:28:12,607 --> 00:28:15,025 was simply supporting small business. 615 00:28:20,615 --> 00:28:22,242 Do you remember when we were all out 616 00:28:22,242 --> 00:28:23,868 cheering for the nurses every night? 617 00:28:23,868 --> 00:28:26,120 Darcy and I would walk by our local pizza place 618 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,122 and they would get up and cheer for us. 619 00:28:28,122 --> 00:28:29,040 - They literally did. 620 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,500 Standing ovation every time. 621 00:28:30,500 --> 00:28:31,583 We're heroes. 622 00:28:33,837 --> 00:28:35,045 For the longest time, 623 00:28:35,045 --> 00:28:37,631 I thought I had body dysmorphia, 624 00:28:37,631 --> 00:28:40,592 but it turns out I am actually fat. 625 00:28:42,177 --> 00:28:44,723 I could have saved so much money in therapy 626 00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:47,224 if she just said, "No, honey, y'are." 627 00:28:47,349 --> 00:28:49,435 - Day one! 628 00:28:49,435 --> 00:28:51,562 We are thinking about exercising again. 629 00:28:51,562 --> 00:28:52,772 Ehh... 630 00:28:54,607 --> 00:28:58,403 People like me chubby. I'm less threatening. 631 00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:01,281 But my prediabetic blood results do beg to differ, so... 632 00:29:02,991 --> 00:29:05,201 Believe it or not, we actually do work out. 633 00:29:05,201 --> 00:29:06,828 Yeah, we're working out right now. 634 00:29:06,828 --> 00:29:08,538 Just by standing up here, 635 00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:10,497 violently sucking in our stomachs 636 00:29:10,497 --> 00:29:12,708 for 45 minutes at a time. 637 00:29:12,708 --> 00:29:15,211 I saw you do it out of the corner of my eye. 638 00:29:15,211 --> 00:29:16,503 You fuckin'-- every night! 639 00:29:16,503 --> 00:29:18,005 - Every night! - Every night of this tour, 640 00:29:18,005 --> 00:29:19,840 he forgets it's coming and he's, like, all relaxed, 641 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:21,760 and then he sucks it in for the joke. 642 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,427 Oh, I just sucked in too hard. 643 00:29:23,427 --> 00:29:25,137 Now I have to poop. I... 644 00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:28,849 Here's the thing-- 645 00:29:28,849 --> 00:29:31,435 and I wanna preface this by saying, like, 646 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:35,939 I'm not saying don't be healthy, but diet culture is bullshit. 647 00:29:36,064 --> 00:29:37,774 It is a toxic industry. 648 00:29:39,860 --> 00:29:42,571 We have been together 20 years 649 00:29:42,571 --> 00:29:46,242 and we have forced the weirdest fad diets on each other. 650 00:29:46,242 --> 00:29:49,119 It has never affected our love for each other, 651 00:29:49,119 --> 00:29:50,955 it has only affected our hunger. 652 00:29:50,955 --> 00:29:52,581 Like, we've done everything. 653 00:29:52,581 --> 00:29:55,126 We did intermittent fasting, which if you don't know, 654 00:29:55,126 --> 00:29:58,754 that's where you only eat during an 8-hour window a day. 655 00:29:58,754 --> 00:30:02,341 Jer and I were sleeping for 16 hours a day! 656 00:30:04,301 --> 00:30:07,387 - We were so rested, though. - Yeah. 657 00:30:07,387 --> 00:30:09,139 And we were so far behind on everything 658 00:30:09,139 --> 00:30:10,934 'cause we were only awake for 8 hours 659 00:30:10,934 --> 00:30:12,851 and we had to eat the entire time. 660 00:30:14,478 --> 00:30:15,730 Then we tried keto, 661 00:30:15,730 --> 00:30:17,357 which is basically just bacon and cheese. 662 00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:19,734 Yeah! Bacon and cheese, bitch! 663 00:30:19,734 --> 00:30:22,861 That's how we got into this fuckin' mess in the first place! 664 00:30:25,740 --> 00:30:28,868 We also did this other diet where you count your calories 665 00:30:28,868 --> 00:30:30,410 for six days a week, 666 00:30:30,410 --> 00:30:33,330 and then on the 7th day you get to have a cheat day. 667 00:30:33,330 --> 00:30:35,457 So I obviously order pizza. 668 00:30:35,457 --> 00:30:37,167 And I went and fucked a dude. 669 00:30:39,670 --> 00:30:41,004 Should have had that talk. 670 00:30:42,423 --> 00:30:45,760 That just divided y'all 671 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,887 so, so down the queer and straight line. 672 00:30:48,887 --> 00:30:51,014 Like, I heard all the queers laughing 673 00:30:51,014 --> 00:30:52,474 and all the straights being like, 674 00:30:52,474 --> 00:30:54,894 "How dare you do that to Jeremy!" 675 00:30:56,687 --> 00:30:58,689 "I don't like it when my dads do that." 676 00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:03,610 I used to make fun of my body a lot on stage, 677 00:31:03,610 --> 00:31:07,532 but now we're at the age where our bodies make fun of us. 678 00:31:07,532 --> 00:31:10,909 Like, I threw my back out adding Epsom salts to the bath. 679 00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:14,080 Don't tell us we don't know how to party! 680 00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:18,417 No one told me going to bed in your 40s 681 00:31:18,417 --> 00:31:21,420 is like gearing up for war with sleep. 682 00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:22,589 What happens? 683 00:31:22,589 --> 00:31:24,214 Like, I'm not kidding you right now. 684 00:31:24,214 --> 00:31:26,676 I have plantar fasciitis in my foot, 685 00:31:26,676 --> 00:31:30,053 so I have to wear a boot on my foot when I go to bed. 686 00:31:30,053 --> 00:31:33,265 I have a torn meniscus, so I have to wear a knee brace. 687 00:31:33,265 --> 00:31:35,894 I have carpal tunnel in both my wrists, 688 00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:37,936 so I have to wear wrist guards. 689 00:31:37,936 --> 00:31:41,941 I grind my teeth, so I have to wear a mouth guard. 690 00:31:41,941 --> 00:31:45,028 - And I have sleep apnea... 691 00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:47,571 So I have to wear a CPAP machine! 692 00:31:47,571 --> 00:31:51,408 It takes me 45 minutes to get ready for bed, 693 00:31:51,533 --> 00:31:55,245 and I come out of the bathroom looking like fuckin' Robocop. 694 00:31:55,370 --> 00:31:57,415 Just like, "Bring it on, sleep! 695 00:31:57,540 --> 00:32:01,168 "I'm fuckin' winning tonight! Let's go!" 696 00:32:01,168 --> 00:32:03,420 And then I have to roll over in the night, 697 00:32:03,545 --> 00:32:06,256 but because of the hose I have to fuckin' stand up out of bed 698 00:32:06,256 --> 00:32:08,009 just to roll over. 699 00:32:10,052 --> 00:32:12,472 Just hearing all that has me so horny. 700 00:32:14,223 --> 00:32:16,643 Why do you think I need the carpal tunnel wrist guards? 701 00:32:20,062 --> 00:32:23,983 I see you 30-year-olds laughing at this like it'll never be you. 702 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,278 Meanwhile, all the 50-year-olds are like, 703 00:32:27,278 --> 00:32:28,820 "It's only gonna get worse..." 704 00:32:28,820 --> 00:32:30,114 Yeah! 705 00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:32,282 "Wait until you sneeze and shit yourself." 706 00:32:33,993 --> 00:32:35,578 Now the bottoms in the room are like, 707 00:32:35,578 --> 00:32:37,830 "That's not an age thing, honey!" 708 00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:45,420 Plant people, you're gonna wanna Google 709 00:32:45,420 --> 00:32:48,382 "twink," "bottom," at intermission. 710 00:32:48,382 --> 00:32:50,301 They tend to go hand-in-hand. 711 00:32:53,262 --> 00:32:56,599 I knew we got old during COVID when everything opened up again. 712 00:32:56,599 --> 00:32:58,768 Jer and I decided to go clubbing. 713 00:32:58,768 --> 00:33:00,727 We were like, "Let's go dancing," 714 00:33:00,727 --> 00:33:02,562 and that was the moment. 715 00:33:02,562 --> 00:33:04,523 That's when I knew, oh, we're different. 716 00:33:04,523 --> 00:33:06,024 Things have changed. 717 00:33:06,024 --> 00:33:09,070 'Cause I knew we got old when we walked into the club 718 00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:11,864 and the first thing I thought was, "Where are the chairs?" 719 00:33:13,657 --> 00:33:15,201 "What do you mean there's no chairs? 720 00:33:15,201 --> 00:33:17,285 "I just stood in line for 15 minutes! 721 00:33:17,285 --> 00:33:19,705 "That's the most I've stood for a year and a half!" 722 00:33:21,581 --> 00:33:23,291 I knew we got old during COVID 723 00:33:23,291 --> 00:33:25,919 when I pulled a 2-inch hair off my earlobe. 724 00:33:25,919 --> 00:33:27,170 Off his earlobe! 725 00:33:27,170 --> 00:33:29,339 His ears had bangs. 726 00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:33,845 - It was very in style in 2020. - Yeah! 727 00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:37,974 And the worst thing is, he was so excited to show me. 728 00:33:37,974 --> 00:33:39,684 That's what I hate about marriage. 729 00:33:39,809 --> 00:33:43,311 At some point, your marriage just becomes, "Yo, get in here. 730 00:33:43,311 --> 00:33:45,147 "Yo, you gotta come in here. 731 00:33:45,147 --> 00:33:47,817 "Come see this disgusting thing on my body." 732 00:33:47,817 --> 00:33:50,069 And it's like, "No, the hose won't reach!" 733 00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:55,157 So romantic. 734 00:33:55,157 --> 00:33:57,493 - We're not. - We're not. 735 00:33:57,493 --> 00:34:00,078 Our daughter says we live like two 12-year-old boys 736 00:34:00,078 --> 00:34:01,913 whose parents went away for the weekend. 737 00:34:03,623 --> 00:34:06,252 It's just pizza, video games, and handjobs. 738 00:34:07,587 --> 00:34:10,089 - It's like, "Sup, bro?" 739 00:34:10,089 --> 00:34:12,132 It weirds people out that we don't celebrate 740 00:34:12,132 --> 00:34:14,634 our anniversaries, and I think it's 'cause we were just broke 741 00:34:14,634 --> 00:34:17,554 for so long that the idea of going out for dinner 742 00:34:17,554 --> 00:34:19,556 when we had a kid to feed was stupid. 743 00:34:19,556 --> 00:34:21,808 But our first anniversary, we were getting ready to go out 744 00:34:21,808 --> 00:34:24,020 and celebrate and there was a knock at the door, 745 00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:26,522 and I opened the door and it was my best man, Bill, 746 00:34:26,522 --> 00:34:28,648 from our wedding, and he gives me an envelope 747 00:34:28,648 --> 00:34:31,360 with $500 cash in it. 748 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,404 And at this point of our lives, like Darcy said, 749 00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:34,989 we were flat broke. 750 00:34:34,989 --> 00:34:36,574 Like, this was life-changing money for us. 751 00:34:36,574 --> 00:34:37,909 And we had no idea. 752 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,534 We were like, "Is this a tradition? 753 00:34:39,534 --> 00:34:42,080 "Should we get married every year?" 754 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,623 And then I look at the envelope, 755 00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:46,500 and there's a whole bunch of dates with initials 756 00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:50,712 over the past year, and all of the dates are crossed out. 757 00:34:50,712 --> 00:34:53,299 Our wedding party had a bet 758 00:34:53,299 --> 00:34:55,717 on how long Darcy and I would last... 759 00:34:55,717 --> 00:34:58,637 And no one bet over a year! 760 00:35:00,931 --> 00:35:03,226 And look at us now! 761 00:35:08,980 --> 00:35:11,734 Staying together to spite our friends. 762 00:35:11,734 --> 00:35:13,402 We can't stand each other, 763 00:35:13,402 --> 00:35:16,322 but those fuckers aren't getting their $500 back. 764 00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:22,619 Okay, Nanaimo, it's time for the ADHD Halftime Stretch! 765 00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:25,498 Go get a drink! 766 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,337 [voice] Welcome to the ADHD Halftime Stretch. 767 00:35:32,337 --> 00:35:34,965 Maybe drink some water and take your fuckin' meds. 768 00:35:38,761 --> 00:35:41,304 [voice] Darcy, hurry up! Intermission is over! 769 00:35:41,304 --> 00:35:43,473 [voice] Oh, you're obsessed with making me work! 770 00:35:44,599 --> 00:35:48,228 Guys, gals, and non-binary pals... 771 00:35:48,228 --> 00:35:50,898 Ah, fuck it, just clap. We're walking back out. 772 00:35:58,197 --> 00:36:00,532 Yay, y'all came back! 773 00:36:00,532 --> 00:36:01,951 Yeah, it's the scariest thing, 774 00:36:01,951 --> 00:36:04,828 asking a room full of people with ADHD to remember 775 00:36:04,828 --> 00:36:06,621 they were at a show. 776 00:36:06,621 --> 00:36:09,333 - How was the stretch? 777 00:36:12,295 --> 00:36:14,672 Apologies that we were a little late coming back. 778 00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:16,965 I know it's on brand, but I got distracted. 779 00:36:16,965 --> 00:36:19,302 I got talking to one of the security guards backstage 780 00:36:19,302 --> 00:36:23,431 and he didn't believe my story about what I wear to bed. 781 00:36:23,431 --> 00:36:25,473 And because we're travelling right now, 782 00:36:25,473 --> 00:36:28,143 I happen to have everything with me, 783 00:36:28,143 --> 00:36:32,273 so I pulled it all out and laid it out for him to see. 784 00:36:32,273 --> 00:36:36,735 And he looked at Jer with such pity in his eyes. 785 00:36:38,695 --> 00:36:39,947 And I'm sick of it. 786 00:36:39,947 --> 00:36:42,157 I'm sick of everybody putting Jer on a pedestal, 787 00:36:42,157 --> 00:36:45,203 because he is not perfect, especially to sleep with. 788 00:36:45,203 --> 00:36:48,080 Jer scream-talks in his sleep. 789 00:36:49,623 --> 00:36:51,918 Yeah, it's the only time I can get a word in, Darcy. 790 00:36:53,835 --> 00:36:58,674 I woke up at 3 in the morning in a deep REM sleep 791 00:36:58,674 --> 00:37:03,011 to Jer scream-shouting his McDonald's breakfast order 792 00:37:03,011 --> 00:37:05,723 like I was the drive-thru window. 793 00:37:05,723 --> 00:37:08,099 Imagine being dead asleep and waking up to... 794 00:37:08,099 --> 00:37:10,353 "I'll have a sausage and egg McMuffin, 795 00:37:10,353 --> 00:37:11,938 "two hashbrowns, and a black coffee!" 796 00:37:11,938 --> 00:37:14,982 And I'm like, "Fuck! 797 00:37:14,982 --> 00:37:17,235 "That sounds delicious." 798 00:37:19,362 --> 00:37:22,822 We were talking earlier in the first act about how we moved. 799 00:37:22,822 --> 00:37:24,741 One of the things we've learned on this tour 800 00:37:24,741 --> 00:37:27,119 is there is a universal anger 801 00:37:27,119 --> 00:37:30,498 on how criminal real estate prices are around the world, 802 00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:32,290 especially in British Columbia. 803 00:37:32,290 --> 00:37:33,708 It's insane. 804 00:37:33,708 --> 00:37:36,002 And you know, like, we had to move 805 00:37:36,002 --> 00:37:38,505 because of the stalker situation and because everybody 806 00:37:38,505 --> 00:37:40,340 could draw a map of our townhouse 807 00:37:40,340 --> 00:37:43,219 that we lived in and filmed every corner of for four years 808 00:37:43,219 --> 00:37:45,179 and put on the internet without thinking about it. 809 00:37:45,179 --> 00:37:46,721 Uh... 810 00:37:46,721 --> 00:37:49,266 But in typical Vancouver real estate fashion, 811 00:37:49,266 --> 00:37:52,395 we sold our house and couldn't afford to buy in Vancouver, 812 00:37:52,395 --> 00:37:54,105 so we did what everybody else does 813 00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:55,940 and moved to Vancouver Island. 814 00:38:02,070 --> 00:38:05,281 We moved to the oldest demographic in Canada. 815 00:38:05,281 --> 00:38:08,994 The average age is 83 years old. 816 00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:14,290 Darcy will do anything to feel retired. 817 00:38:14,290 --> 00:38:16,460 I am living my Golden Girls fantasy 818 00:38:16,460 --> 00:38:18,962 and loving it every day. 819 00:38:20,547 --> 00:38:24,302 It's honestly like living in God's waiting room. 820 00:38:24,302 --> 00:38:26,886 Any time Jer and I hear an ambulance go by, 821 00:38:26,886 --> 00:38:30,223 we both pull out our laptops and hop on Facebook Marketplace. 822 00:38:30,223 --> 00:38:32,183 "Time to go antiquing!" 823 00:38:33,936 --> 00:38:35,520 Old people have cool shit! 824 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:37,982 Thank you for the chesterfield, Martha! 825 00:38:40,650 --> 00:38:42,402 We didn't expect to move to the island, 826 00:38:42,402 --> 00:38:43,987 we didn't expect to buy this house, 827 00:38:43,987 --> 00:38:46,614 and it ended up happening and it's our dream home, 828 00:38:46,614 --> 00:38:51,411 and it's hard to put into words as an artist 829 00:38:51,411 --> 00:38:55,333 the feeling you get to be able to buy a home 830 00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:57,335 because of your art. 831 00:38:57,335 --> 00:39:00,337 I love standing in our big backyard screaming, 832 00:39:00,462 --> 00:39:03,715 "This is the house that dick jokes bought!" 833 00:39:07,594 --> 00:39:10,764 Had the dick jokes been better, we could have done it sooner. 834 00:39:10,764 --> 00:39:12,849 Oh, not with these real estate prices. 835 00:39:12,974 --> 00:39:14,643 Guys, I'm not even gay. 836 00:39:14,643 --> 00:39:17,020 That's how expensive real estate is right now. 837 00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:22,360 I'm just like, "It's 3,000 square feet by the water!" 838 00:39:24,277 --> 00:39:26,072 "There's a soaker tub!" 839 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:31,034 "And two walk-in closets!" 840 00:39:34,913 --> 00:39:36,165 How's your knee? 841 00:39:36,165 --> 00:39:38,375 I'm gonna pay for that one later, for sure. 842 00:39:40,335 --> 00:39:42,545 Okay, fine, I might be a little gay. 843 00:39:44,465 --> 00:39:48,177 That being said, I don't always believe Jer's actually gay. 844 00:39:48,177 --> 00:39:51,931 Sometimes I worry he's just super agreeable. 845 00:39:54,599 --> 00:39:56,351 - I don't like conflict. - Yeah! 846 00:39:56,351 --> 00:39:59,730 Massive Libra energy here. 847 00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:01,732 - I'm a people-pleaser. - Yeah. 848 00:40:01,857 --> 00:40:03,650 "I'm a people-pleaser!" 849 00:40:03,650 --> 00:40:05,110 - Darcy! 850 00:40:07,362 --> 00:40:09,322 You made a baby! 851 00:40:09,322 --> 00:40:12,826 Yeah, LGBTQ, the Q is for "questioning." 852 00:40:12,826 --> 00:40:14,994 - No, it is not! 853 00:40:14,994 --> 00:40:17,581 For those of you that don't know our story, 854 00:40:17,581 --> 00:40:20,960 we have a daughter that Jer-- it's Jer's biological-- 855 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:24,130 she is Jer's biological daughter; 856 00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:25,922 not allowed to call her "it" anymore. 857 00:40:27,924 --> 00:40:30,094 He made her with his penis. 858 00:40:31,761 --> 00:40:33,848 During my confused period. 859 00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:35,766 Yeah. 860 00:40:35,766 --> 00:40:38,601 And your top period, apparently. 861 00:40:45,567 --> 00:40:46,819 Wow! 862 00:40:49,404 --> 00:40:51,281 You're unhinged! 863 00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:56,369 Candace, did you hear that? 864 00:40:56,369 --> 00:40:57,788 His top period! 865 00:40:58,873 --> 00:41:00,498 Jer! 866 00:41:08,799 --> 00:41:10,134 Hi! 867 00:41:15,346 --> 00:41:17,641 Give them a minute to settle their bets. 868 00:41:21,020 --> 00:41:24,190 Jer had a baby when he was 19, 869 00:41:24,190 --> 00:41:26,609 and then we met and we've been together ever since. 870 00:41:26,609 --> 00:41:28,277 And actually, you know what? 871 00:41:28,277 --> 00:41:31,614 Plant people, this is finally a bit for you. 872 00:41:31,614 --> 00:41:35,826 The thing that I find the funniest on the internet 873 00:41:35,826 --> 00:41:37,578 is whenever we post a video 874 00:41:37,578 --> 00:41:39,663 where I've spent a ton of money on plants, 875 00:41:39,663 --> 00:41:41,790 much like the audience here tonight, 876 00:41:41,790 --> 00:41:44,835 the comments section is always on Jer's side 877 00:41:44,835 --> 00:41:46,545 and they're always just like, 878 00:41:46,545 --> 00:41:49,422 "I don't know how you put up with this bullshit, Jer! 879 00:41:49,422 --> 00:41:51,509 "He's always wasting your money on plants!" 880 00:41:51,509 --> 00:41:54,844 And here's the truth of the matter, Nanaimo... 881 00:41:54,844 --> 00:41:57,848 I can buy all the plants I want. 882 00:41:57,848 --> 00:42:00,226 I can buy a plant every day of the week 883 00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:03,603 and bring it into the house and put it anywhere I want, 884 00:42:03,603 --> 00:42:06,482 and then I can point at that plant and I can go, 885 00:42:06,482 --> 00:42:11,904 "I'm sorry, is this plant gonna require a university education?" 886 00:42:15,491 --> 00:42:20,411 "I'm sorry, is this plant gonna talk back to us for 20 years?" 887 00:42:22,121 --> 00:42:24,875 "Is this one gonna shame us for being idiots 888 00:42:24,875 --> 00:42:27,377 "on the internet?" 889 00:42:27,502 --> 00:42:29,003 - Blanche is pretty ashamed. 890 00:42:29,003 --> 00:42:31,924 Oh, you don't even know which plant Blanche is, bitch! 891 00:42:33,424 --> 00:42:34,802 It's 'cause I never loved her. 892 00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:36,929 Jeremy! 893 00:42:36,929 --> 00:42:38,889 "Oh no, dads are fighting again!" 894 00:42:52,944 --> 00:42:55,281 Stop the cameras-- what the fuck was this? 895 00:42:59,201 --> 00:43:00,744 That's Blanche. She's blowin' in the wind. 896 00:43:00,744 --> 00:43:02,413 It's a blustery day. 897 00:43:02,538 --> 00:43:04,456 She's an indoor plant! 898 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,757 How is this a plant? 899 00:43:14,757 --> 00:43:16,927 Is it a cockatiel? 900 00:43:16,927 --> 00:43:18,636 Like... 901 00:43:20,931 --> 00:43:24,518 You've done 49 shows and tonight you're like, 902 00:43:24,518 --> 00:43:26,645 "Yeah, you know what it needs? An act out." 903 00:43:27,813 --> 00:43:29,607 We're filming! It's a special night! 904 00:43:30,690 --> 00:43:32,192 This is the worst plant. 905 00:43:32,192 --> 00:43:34,277 If you're gonna be a plant, babe, like... 906 00:43:34,402 --> 00:43:36,447 "There, I'm a plant!" You know? 907 00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:37,822 Or Jesus. 908 00:43:40,199 --> 00:43:42,828 Either way, it's a blustery day. 909 00:43:52,795 --> 00:43:54,340 Well, he's a spitter. 910 00:44:00,971 --> 00:44:03,514 They're learning so much about us, Jer. 911 00:44:06,226 --> 00:44:08,478 If you make the mess, you clean the mess. 912 00:44:12,982 --> 00:44:15,360 How many guys just got elbowed in the ribs? 913 00:44:21,366 --> 00:44:23,534 Wow. 914 00:44:23,534 --> 00:44:25,496 Now I have to stand in the wet spot? 915 00:44:25,496 --> 00:44:26,746 - Yeah. 916 00:44:26,746 --> 00:44:28,831 I wanted you to feel like we're at home. 917 00:44:34,672 --> 00:44:36,757 Oh my gosh. 918 00:44:36,757 --> 00:44:39,551 Oh my days. 919 00:44:39,551 --> 00:44:42,054 You got any more fuckin' Cirque de Soleil routines 920 00:44:42,054 --> 00:44:43,889 you wanna pull out before we move on? 921 00:44:45,431 --> 00:44:48,101 - I have no idea where we are. - What are we talking about? 922 00:44:48,101 --> 00:44:50,688 Why doesn't this make any... sense? 923 00:44:50,813 --> 00:44:52,898 Darcy, that's my side. 924 00:44:59,737 --> 00:45:01,364 "Oh, sorry, did I do that?" 925 00:45:10,248 --> 00:45:13,293 Oh, we're not gonna break up. Don't worry. 926 00:45:13,293 --> 00:45:15,002 Mainly because I'm too old 927 00:45:15,002 --> 00:45:17,840 to figure out dating apps, you know, like... 928 00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,801 Plus, I love him, blah blah blah. 929 00:45:20,801 --> 00:45:23,261 Aww, you remembered your wedding vows! 930 00:45:24,596 --> 00:45:28,016 Sheer coincidence. 931 00:45:28,016 --> 00:45:29,893 You're a goof. 932 00:45:29,893 --> 00:45:33,397 It's weird when you've been together this long, right? 933 00:45:33,397 --> 00:45:35,523 Long-term relationships take work. 934 00:45:35,523 --> 00:45:38,527 It takes active work as a partner, 935 00:45:38,527 --> 00:45:40,237 emotionally and physically. 936 00:45:40,237 --> 00:45:42,531 After you've been together this long, things get boring, 937 00:45:42,531 --> 00:45:43,906 whether it's across the dinner table 938 00:45:43,906 --> 00:45:45,743 or in the bedroom. 939 00:45:45,743 --> 00:45:47,494 - Thanks...? - You're welcome! 940 00:45:47,494 --> 00:45:51,373 We talk to our friends, like-- 'cause here's the thing: 941 00:45:51,373 --> 00:45:53,750 friends of ours that got married the same year as us 942 00:45:53,750 --> 00:45:55,460 got divorced six months ago. 943 00:45:55,460 --> 00:45:57,795 Yeah, now they're both in the best shape of their lives. 944 00:45:57,795 --> 00:45:59,422 So we are thinking about it. 945 00:46:01,049 --> 00:46:02,551 We haven't tried the divorce diet. 946 00:46:02,551 --> 00:46:04,636 It might be the thing. 947 00:46:04,636 --> 00:46:06,137 We've talked to our friends about it. 948 00:46:06,137 --> 00:46:10,099 Someone suggested we spice things up and get a safe word, 949 00:46:10,099 --> 00:46:13,936 and it's like, we've had a safe word for 20 years. 950 00:46:13,936 --> 00:46:15,938 - Technically, it's two words. - Yeah, it's... 951 00:46:15,938 --> 00:46:17,815 "Not tonight." 952 00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:23,529 Then friends suggested maybe we try roleplaying. 953 00:46:23,529 --> 00:46:25,324 Yeah! 954 00:46:25,324 --> 00:46:28,034 Try roleplaying with your partner of 20 years 955 00:46:28,034 --> 00:46:29,953 without laughing in their face. 956 00:46:31,496 --> 00:46:32,915 Well, fuck-- you saw what happened 957 00:46:32,915 --> 00:46:34,500 when he tried to be a plant! 958 00:46:41,672 --> 00:46:43,382 Roleplaying? 959 00:46:43,382 --> 00:46:45,719 Ooh-ooh-ooh! 960 00:46:47,304 --> 00:46:49,931 I'm a ghost! 961 00:46:49,931 --> 00:46:53,685 - Darcy, where'd you go? - I'm ghosting you! 962 00:46:56,103 --> 00:46:58,357 He's just gonna be in the kitchen making a sandwich. 963 00:46:58,357 --> 00:47:00,650 ♪ The ghost is stoned and hungry! ♪ 964 00:47:04,154 --> 00:47:05,989 I'm so distracted by Blanche. 965 00:47:05,989 --> 00:47:07,824 I can't stop thinking about it. 966 00:47:09,243 --> 00:47:10,744 Yes, and this. 967 00:47:10,744 --> 00:47:13,371 Oh, no. 968 00:47:13,371 --> 00:47:15,623 - Maybe that's the secret. - What? 969 00:47:17,375 --> 00:47:19,210 You be Blanche. 970 00:47:21,170 --> 00:47:22,840 Go with me on this. 971 00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:26,342 Hear me out, hear me out, okay? 972 00:47:26,342 --> 00:47:29,136 - You... 973 00:47:29,136 --> 00:47:30,596 You be Blanche... 974 00:47:30,596 --> 00:47:35,185 and I come home from a long, exhausting day at... 975 00:47:35,310 --> 00:47:37,563 whatever you people do. 976 00:47:39,273 --> 00:47:42,692 And I see you in the corner and I go... 977 00:47:44,402 --> 00:47:47,029 I go, "Oh, Blanche! 978 00:47:47,029 --> 00:47:48,739 "You look so wilted!" 979 00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:53,578 "I guess it's time to fertilize the garden!" 980 00:47:57,915 --> 00:47:59,250 Not tonight. 981 00:48:02,587 --> 00:48:04,089 Well played. 982 00:48:04,089 --> 00:48:07,926 Friends of ours suggested that we try having a threesome. 983 00:48:07,926 --> 00:48:10,011 Not because we want to have sex with other people. 984 00:48:10,011 --> 00:48:11,346 No! God, no. 985 00:48:11,346 --> 00:48:13,514 Mostly because we just think it would be nice 986 00:48:13,514 --> 00:48:17,643 if we could both lay on our backs at the same time. 987 00:48:17,643 --> 00:48:20,730 You know? Starfish together. 988 00:48:23,357 --> 00:48:24,942 Happy anniversary! 989 00:48:24,942 --> 00:48:27,112 Shut up, I'm thinking of somebody else! 990 00:48:28,654 --> 00:48:31,116 - Is it Blanche? - It is Blanche! 991 00:48:34,119 --> 00:48:36,663 You goof. 992 00:48:36,663 --> 00:48:38,123 Let's do some questions. 993 00:48:38,123 --> 00:48:40,083 I feel like we have to hit a reset. 994 00:48:40,083 --> 00:48:41,125 - Okay. - This got so weird. 995 00:48:42,668 --> 00:48:44,337 Thank you to everybody that sent them in. 996 00:48:44,337 --> 00:48:46,590 Y'all are a little horny tonight. 997 00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:48,174 - You ready? 998 00:48:48,174 --> 00:48:49,134 Sure. 999 00:48:50,302 --> 00:48:51,969 Aww! 1000 00:48:51,969 --> 00:48:53,931 "Where does Yuma's name come from?" 1001 00:48:53,931 --> 00:48:56,141 Oh, Yuma! 1002 00:48:56,141 --> 00:48:57,726 For those of you that don't know, 1003 00:48:57,726 --> 00:49:00,103 Yuma's our golden retriever. 1004 00:49:00,103 --> 00:49:02,230 - We love her. 1005 00:49:02,230 --> 00:49:04,357 We rescued her-- 1006 00:49:04,357 --> 00:49:05,525 From a breeder! 1007 00:49:05,525 --> 00:49:07,360 - Shh! 1008 00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:08,569 It's the same thing! 1009 00:49:08,569 --> 00:49:10,072 The breeder was like, "Oh my God! 1010 00:49:10,072 --> 00:49:11,489 "I have all these puppies! Help!" 1011 00:49:11,489 --> 00:49:13,241 I was like, "Oh my God! Here's $5,000. 1012 00:49:13,241 --> 00:49:14,701 "I want this one. 1013 00:49:14,701 --> 00:49:15,994 "Not that one!" 1014 00:49:20,748 --> 00:49:23,335 - What was the question? 1015 00:49:23,335 --> 00:49:25,587 "Where does Yuma's name come from?" 1016 00:49:25,587 --> 00:49:27,089 I named Yuma. 1017 00:49:27,089 --> 00:49:31,259 Here's the thing: Yuma is my sunshine on a leash, okay? 1018 00:49:31,259 --> 00:49:34,261 And so, when we got her, I looked up the sunniest place 1019 00:49:34,261 --> 00:49:37,181 in the world, and it's a place called Yuma, Arizona. 1020 00:49:37,181 --> 00:49:39,685 And it turns out, it's a fucking dump. 1021 00:49:41,395 --> 00:49:44,105 It is! It's just an industrial prison complex, and that's it. 1022 00:49:44,105 --> 00:49:45,607 But-- 1023 00:49:45,607 --> 00:49:47,734 I was like, "We cannot name her after that place." 1024 00:49:47,734 --> 00:49:49,235 But I loved the name! 1025 00:49:49,235 --> 00:49:50,737 I love dogs having a unique name, 1026 00:49:50,737 --> 00:49:53,072 and I was just, like, looking at her and I was like, 1027 00:49:53,072 --> 00:49:55,866 "Yuma... You-ma dog!" 1028 00:49:58,744 --> 00:50:01,163 You ma dog! 1029 00:50:01,163 --> 00:50:02,790 You ma best friend! 1030 00:50:02,790 --> 00:50:04,500 You ma everything! 1031 00:50:04,500 --> 00:50:05,918 Yuma dog! Yuma best friend! 1032 00:50:05,918 --> 00:50:07,045 Yuma everything! Yuma dog! 1033 00:50:07,045 --> 00:50:08,462 Yuma best friend! Yuma everything! 1034 00:50:08,462 --> 00:50:10,965 - This went on for four hours... 1035 00:50:10,965 --> 00:50:12,676 And then I caved. 1036 00:50:12,801 --> 00:50:15,011 - Yeah, and Yuma was born. - Yeah. 1037 00:50:15,011 --> 00:50:17,054 From my vagine... 1038 00:50:18,639 --> 00:50:20,976 I tell her that. 1039 00:50:20,976 --> 00:50:23,311 Before, okay, a little side quest before we go on, 1040 00:50:23,311 --> 00:50:26,605 'cause I don't know if a lot of you know this, but-- 1041 00:50:26,605 --> 00:50:28,150 and I'm not exaggerating-- 1042 00:50:28,150 --> 00:50:30,485 none of you would be in this room right now 1043 00:50:30,485 --> 00:50:32,362 if it wasn't for Yuma, and that's the truth. 1044 00:50:32,362 --> 00:50:35,406 I don't know if we've ever done a story on our origin, 1045 00:50:35,406 --> 00:50:38,284 but when we got Yuma in 2019, I quit standup. 1046 00:50:38,284 --> 00:50:41,705 One of the reasons I quit was 'cause I lost my best friend 1047 00:50:41,705 --> 00:50:44,206 after a long battle to cancer, 1048 00:50:44,206 --> 00:50:46,710 and it fucking-- it ruined me. 1049 00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:48,962 It grounded me to a halt. 1050 00:50:48,962 --> 00:50:51,255 And that's when we were like, "Let's take a break. 1051 00:50:51,255 --> 00:50:53,759 "Let's regroup." And during that period, 1052 00:50:53,759 --> 00:50:56,969 my parents got a golden retriever named Charlie. 1053 00:50:56,969 --> 00:51:01,641 And Jer saw the joy Charlie was bringing me and was like, 1054 00:51:01,641 --> 00:51:03,518 "Let's get a dog. 1055 00:51:03,518 --> 00:51:05,561 "Let's get another golden retriever 1056 00:51:05,561 --> 00:51:07,147 "and they can be best friends." 1057 00:51:07,147 --> 00:51:11,067 And so, we did, and it was the beginning of healing. 1058 00:51:11,067 --> 00:51:12,902 It forced me to get up in the morning. 1059 00:51:12,902 --> 00:51:14,362 It forced me to go for walks. 1060 00:51:14,362 --> 00:51:16,531 She made me laugh every day. 1061 00:51:16,531 --> 00:51:18,449 And I promise this is going somewhere, so... 1062 00:51:20,243 --> 00:51:23,163 Shortly after we got Yuma, as life has it, 1063 00:51:23,163 --> 00:51:25,498 my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. 1064 00:51:25,498 --> 00:51:28,835 And it sucked, obviously, but we were like, 1065 00:51:28,835 --> 00:51:31,253 "We'll take Charlie. You focus on getting better. 1066 00:51:31,253 --> 00:51:32,964 "You just do what you need to do 1067 00:51:32,964 --> 00:51:34,340 "and we'll take care of the puppies." 1068 00:51:34,340 --> 00:51:36,259 And so, during that time, 1069 00:51:36,259 --> 00:51:38,052 the comedian in me was still like, 1070 00:51:38,052 --> 00:51:41,264 "You have to make Mom feel good 'cause laughter is healing." 1071 00:51:41,264 --> 00:51:44,266 And so, I wanted to be able to send her videos of the dogs, 1072 00:51:44,266 --> 00:51:46,520 but I didn't want to send her 20 videos a day 1073 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,855 and I didn't know how to combine videos. 1074 00:51:48,855 --> 00:51:51,817 And someone told me about this app called TikTok 1075 00:51:51,817 --> 00:51:53,860 where you could upload a bunch of videos 1076 00:51:53,860 --> 00:51:56,445 and send someone a link and they can watch them whenever. 1077 00:51:56,445 --> 00:51:58,781 So I started a page called "Yuma Dog" 1078 00:51:58,781 --> 00:52:01,701 and I would just upload videos, just to make my mom smile. 1079 00:52:01,701 --> 00:52:04,788 And if you know Yuma, 1080 00:52:04,788 --> 00:52:07,331 you know she has this weird obsession with rocks. 1081 00:52:08,625 --> 00:52:10,543 So all of a sudden, 1082 00:52:10,543 --> 00:52:12,962 one day we wake up after, like, a month of 1083 00:52:12,962 --> 00:52:16,049 her account being out there, and she's gone crazy viral, 1084 00:52:16,049 --> 00:52:20,636 and all of a sudden Yuma has 100,000 followers on TikTok. 1085 00:52:20,636 --> 00:52:22,139 Like... 1086 00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:24,891 And being the mentally stable human Darcy is... 1087 00:52:29,436 --> 00:52:30,522 18 years. 1088 00:52:32,648 --> 00:52:34,985 18 fucking years, 1089 00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:39,656 I toured this country for $100 a show, 1090 00:52:39,656 --> 00:52:42,491 and all of a sudden this five-month-old golden retriever 1091 00:52:42,616 --> 00:52:44,661 is the star of the house? 1092 00:52:44,661 --> 00:52:46,705 Oh-ho-ho, I don't think so! 1093 00:52:52,168 --> 00:52:54,587 Darcy watched the Super Bowl for the first time this year. 1094 00:52:54,587 --> 00:52:56,172 - Yeah! 1095 00:52:56,172 --> 00:52:57,965 Thank you, Tay-Tay! 1096 00:53:01,802 --> 00:53:04,889 So I started our TikTok page the next day 1097 00:53:04,889 --> 00:53:07,391 and refused to post on Yuma's 1098 00:53:07,391 --> 00:53:10,728 until we were at 100,001 followers. 1099 00:53:12,355 --> 00:53:14,857 And a few million later, here we are, right? 1100 00:53:14,857 --> 00:53:17,194 And for those of you, to put the bow on it, 1101 00:53:17,194 --> 00:53:18,777 if you're wondering, you know, like, 1102 00:53:18,777 --> 00:53:21,489 where Yuma's been during this tour that we've been on, 1103 00:53:21,489 --> 00:53:23,824 she has been with her best friend, Charlie, 1104 00:53:23,824 --> 00:53:26,036 looked after by my cancer-free Mom, 1105 00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:28,371 'cause we live in the best fucking country in the world. 1106 00:53:29,706 --> 00:53:32,250 Because she trusted scientists, 1107 00:53:32,250 --> 00:53:35,252 she listened to doctors and nurses. 1108 00:53:40,759 --> 00:53:43,802 - Done the side quest? - Sure, yeah. 1109 00:53:43,802 --> 00:53:46,598 Oh, one more! 1110 00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:48,474 If you don't read our comments section, 1111 00:53:48,474 --> 00:53:51,228 you might not know this, but Yuma trolls all of our videos, 1112 00:53:51,228 --> 00:53:53,520 and I highly recommend you go back and read. 1113 00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,732 She's very funny. 1114 00:53:57,234 --> 00:53:59,860 Also, though, please stop reporting her for bullying. 1115 00:53:59,860 --> 00:54:02,822 The amount of times I have to call her TikTok manager 1116 00:54:02,822 --> 00:54:06,034 and be like, "Can you un-ban Yuma again?" 1117 00:54:06,034 --> 00:54:08,078 And she's always like, "Stop bullying yourselves!" 1118 00:54:08,078 --> 00:54:09,578 We're like, "It's not us, it's her. 1119 00:54:09,578 --> 00:54:11,121 "She's homophobic." 1120 00:54:14,416 --> 00:54:16,418 That was a long side quest. Sorry. 1121 00:54:16,418 --> 00:54:18,087 "How old is your daughter?" 1122 00:54:18,087 --> 00:54:19,797 Yuma's gonna be five in September. 1123 00:54:22,717 --> 00:54:25,011 I'm pretty sure they meant Grace. 1124 00:54:25,011 --> 00:54:25,886 Huh. 1125 00:54:27,179 --> 00:54:29,306 Sounds like a question for you. 1126 00:54:30,808 --> 00:54:32,268 Grace is 25. 1127 00:54:32,268 --> 00:54:34,186 Best thing that ever happened to us. 1128 00:54:34,186 --> 00:54:36,855 Well, we can say that 'cause Yuma's not here to hear it. 1129 00:54:36,855 --> 00:54:38,190 - Wow. 1130 00:54:38,190 --> 00:54:40,360 Grace is great. She's a good kid. 1131 00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:42,529 She works for BC Whales. 1132 00:54:42,529 --> 00:54:43,697 Yeah. 1133 00:54:43,697 --> 00:54:45,824 She works for BC Whales. 1134 00:54:51,705 --> 00:54:53,038 What does she do there, Darce? 1135 00:54:53,038 --> 00:54:54,748 Fuck. 1136 00:54:54,748 --> 00:54:58,795 She... works for BC Whales! 1137 00:54:58,795 --> 00:55:00,505 Just like you said. 1138 00:55:00,505 --> 00:55:03,382 - Pop quiz for my stoner husband! - Oh, fuck! 1139 00:55:03,382 --> 00:55:04,926 Don't even! No, don't! 1140 00:55:04,926 --> 00:55:06,302 What does our daughter do for work? 1141 00:55:06,302 --> 00:55:08,304 - No! Don't! 1142 00:55:08,304 --> 00:55:10,348 It's gonna make me sweaty and clammy 1143 00:55:10,348 --> 00:55:11,849 and my blood pressure's gonna raise. 1144 00:55:11,849 --> 00:55:14,393 The fuckin' Pavlovian response 1145 00:55:14,393 --> 00:55:17,813 my body has to those five stupid words... 1146 00:55:17,813 --> 00:55:19,773 Five? Pop, quiz, for, my, stoner... 1147 00:55:19,773 --> 00:55:21,692 Six stupid words. 1148 00:55:24,319 --> 00:55:25,739 What does our daughter do, Darce? 1149 00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:27,656 - Oh, fuck. 1150 00:55:27,656 --> 00:55:31,161 We live in British Columbia, 1151 00:55:31,286 --> 00:55:34,080 beside the Pacific Ocean. 1152 00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:36,498 There are whales, 1153 00:55:36,623 --> 00:55:39,168 and Grace works for them. 1154 00:55:45,674 --> 00:55:47,302 Hey, I know what it is. 1155 00:55:47,302 --> 00:55:49,679 It's Grace's job to stop the Washington whales 1156 00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:51,014 from coming into British Columbia. 1157 00:55:52,806 --> 00:55:55,018 She's like border security for whales. 1158 00:55:57,311 --> 00:55:59,522 You think she's just sitting there all day being like, 1159 00:55:59,522 --> 00:56:02,442 "Excuse me, Willy, got any fruits or guns to declare?" 1160 00:56:02,442 --> 00:56:04,027 - Yeah! 1161 00:56:04,152 --> 00:56:06,237 Well, if it an American whale, we know one of those answers. 1162 00:56:07,989 --> 00:56:10,866 Uh, yeah, it's her job that she has to call for backup. 1163 00:56:10,866 --> 00:56:12,369 "I'm gonna need some backup. 1164 00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:14,244 "This guy's a real blowhard." 1165 00:56:15,580 --> 00:56:17,331 Do not encourage that kind of comedy! 1166 00:56:17,331 --> 00:56:18,665 Stop it! 1167 00:56:18,665 --> 00:56:20,377 We're all better than that. 1168 00:56:21,377 --> 00:56:22,587 She hates what we do. 1169 00:56:22,587 --> 00:56:24,214 - She does. - Yeah. 1170 00:56:24,214 --> 00:56:27,592 Imagine, for 20 years of your life, 1171 00:56:27,592 --> 00:56:29,344 in the early 2000s, 1172 00:56:29,344 --> 00:56:32,889 growing up with the cool factor of having gay dads, 1173 00:56:32,889 --> 00:56:36,393 and then your gay dads become famous 1174 00:56:36,393 --> 00:56:38,603 for being cringe on the internet. 1175 00:56:40,813 --> 00:56:44,442 The lord giveth and the lord taketh away! 1176 00:56:48,070 --> 00:56:49,531 I think that pretty much covered it. 1177 00:56:49,531 --> 00:56:51,741 Yeah! 1178 00:56:51,741 --> 00:56:53,576 What else you got? 1179 00:56:57,538 --> 00:57:00,040 "What the fuck is a busy donkey?" 1180 00:57:03,252 --> 00:57:06,339 I guess it's been a few years, so yeah, that's fair. 1181 00:57:06,339 --> 00:57:08,632 Make some noise if you know what "Busy Donkey" is. 1182 00:57:08,632 --> 00:57:10,592 - Okay... 1183 00:57:10,592 --> 00:57:12,386 Make some noise if you don't know. 1184 00:57:12,386 --> 00:57:14,304 - No shame. 1185 00:57:14,304 --> 00:57:15,973 What's your fuckin' problem? 1186 00:57:17,349 --> 00:57:20,561 - I'm just kidding. - Safe space, safe space. 1187 00:57:20,561 --> 00:57:23,188 "Busy Donkey" is a song that we would sing to Grace 1188 00:57:23,188 --> 00:57:24,607 when she was younger. 1189 00:57:24,607 --> 00:57:26,650 I wrote it stupidly when I was stoned. 1190 00:57:26,650 --> 00:57:28,402 And it became my stimming song. 1191 00:57:28,402 --> 00:57:30,447 Like with my ADHD, I stim a lot; 1192 00:57:30,447 --> 00:57:32,449 I have to tap my fingers when I'm walking. 1193 00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:34,366 Like little, weird things, like when I'm doing something, 1194 00:57:34,366 --> 00:57:35,951 I sing to myself to focus. 1195 00:57:35,951 --> 00:57:40,206 And Jer being Jer, filmed it for clout on the internet. 1196 00:57:40,206 --> 00:57:43,000 And then Jer being Jer, monetized it. 1197 00:57:44,293 --> 00:57:46,170 Uh, wait until the next tour when it's called 1198 00:57:46,170 --> 00:57:47,337 "Blanche's Revenge." 1199 00:57:49,215 --> 00:57:52,634 When you're all wearing green foam fingers 1200 00:57:52,634 --> 00:57:54,679 that have been re-purposed as a hat. 1201 00:57:57,514 --> 00:57:59,558 One second. 1202 00:57:59,558 --> 00:58:00,976 Don't write it down! 1203 00:58:03,938 --> 00:58:07,400 I will sing "Busy Donkey" with you. 1204 00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:09,402 But... to the people that don't know it, 1205 00:58:09,402 --> 00:58:13,406 I apologize for the earworm that is going to ruin your life. 1206 00:58:13,406 --> 00:58:15,449 Do you know the secret to getting a song 1207 00:58:15,449 --> 00:58:17,451 that's stuck in your head, how to get it out? 1208 00:58:17,451 --> 00:58:18,703 I'm not kidding, 1209 00:58:18,703 --> 00:58:21,956 you hum the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme song. 1210 00:58:21,956 --> 00:58:24,083 It's true. I know it's weird to laugh at it. 1211 00:58:24,083 --> 00:58:26,377 No, if you have a song stuck in your head, 1212 00:58:26,377 --> 00:58:28,505 if you hum the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme song 1213 00:58:28,505 --> 00:58:30,172 while you're sucking a dick, it will... 1214 00:58:31,674 --> 00:58:33,884 You will forget the song because everyone is screaming, 1215 00:58:33,884 --> 00:58:37,179 "You're on the SkyTrain! What the fuck?!" 1216 00:58:38,889 --> 00:58:40,183 One time! 1217 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:45,395 I love that the intro 1218 00:58:45,395 --> 00:58:47,940 to the most wholesome part of the show 1219 00:58:47,940 --> 00:58:50,567 is about me sucking a dick on a SkyTrain. 1220 00:58:52,402 --> 00:58:54,197 Okay, if you know the song, sing it. 1221 00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:56,114 If you don't, I'm so sorry. 1222 00:58:56,114 --> 00:58:57,534 Here we go. 1223 00:58:57,659 --> 00:59:00,661 ♪ B-U-S-Y, D-O-N-K-E-Y ♪ 1224 00:59:00,661 --> 00:59:02,205 ♪ Busy Donkey! ♪ 1225 00:59:02,205 --> 00:59:03,998 ♪ What's the donkey busy doin'? ♪ 1226 00:59:03,998 --> 00:59:05,875 ♪ Bein' busy! ♪ 1227 00:59:09,127 --> 00:59:10,837 That's it. 1228 00:59:10,837 --> 00:59:12,632 He never wrote another verse. 1229 00:59:12,632 --> 00:59:15,051 It's the perfect song. What more does it need? 1230 00:59:16,594 --> 00:59:19,221 "My son recently came out to me as gay. 1231 00:59:19,221 --> 00:59:21,473 "Any advice for parents going through this?" 1232 00:59:21,473 --> 00:59:23,433 - Aww! - Oh, fuck... 1233 00:59:26,061 --> 00:59:27,938 The TED Talk part of the evening. 1234 00:59:29,398 --> 00:59:30,400 Kick him out. 1235 00:59:33,777 --> 00:59:37,072 It is not a parent's job to understand, 1236 00:59:37,072 --> 00:59:39,284 it's a parent's job to show up, 1237 00:59:39,284 --> 00:59:42,578 and you asking that means you're ready to show up. 1238 00:59:47,375 --> 00:59:50,085 Yeah. That's it. 1239 00:59:50,085 --> 00:59:52,672 - Congrats to your son. - Yes. 1240 00:59:52,672 --> 00:59:53,965 Is he cute? 1241 00:59:56,467 --> 00:59:57,969 He probably already DMed you. 1242 01:00:00,346 --> 01:00:02,264 "What is Darcy's favourite plant?" 1243 01:00:04,349 --> 01:00:07,478 Okay, I get tonight why you would want to say "Blanche," 1244 01:00:07,478 --> 01:00:09,647 but if you don't know it's weed, 1245 01:00:09,647 --> 01:00:11,273 you haven't been paying attention. 1246 01:00:13,525 --> 01:00:16,194 It's the mother plant. 1247 01:00:16,194 --> 01:00:18,572 You can eat it, you can smoke it, you can wear it. 1248 01:00:18,572 --> 01:00:20,074 She's the best. 1249 01:00:20,074 --> 01:00:22,409 Here's the thing: it's not that I don't trust people 1250 01:00:22,409 --> 01:00:25,371 that don't smoke weed, I just don't get it. 1251 01:00:25,371 --> 01:00:27,456 You don't smoke weed? 1252 01:00:27,581 --> 01:00:28,790 How do you watch a movie? 1253 01:00:30,375 --> 01:00:33,503 Like, how do you cook or leave your house without crying? 1254 01:00:34,797 --> 01:00:36,340 What's your fuckin' secret?! 1255 01:00:39,052 --> 01:00:42,054 I remember being in Grade 10 English class 1256 01:00:42,054 --> 01:00:45,766 having a screaming fight with my English teacher, Mr. Wilson, 1257 01:00:45,766 --> 01:00:49,103 because he was adamant that we would never see weed 1258 01:00:49,103 --> 01:00:50,980 legalized in our lifetime. 1259 01:00:50,980 --> 01:00:52,815 But I had a dream. 1260 01:00:54,734 --> 01:00:56,652 And it turns out, we were both right. 1261 01:00:56,652 --> 01:01:00,739 So rest in peace, Mr. Wilson! 1262 01:01:03,701 --> 01:01:05,661 The only thing you got right in high school. 1263 01:01:08,331 --> 01:01:10,290 "How do you stay so positive?" 1264 01:01:10,290 --> 01:01:12,210 See the previous answer. 1265 01:01:15,630 --> 01:01:18,632 It's actually a four-step process. 1266 01:01:18,632 --> 01:01:20,802 Feel free to write it down. 1267 01:01:20,802 --> 01:01:21,927 Weed... 1268 01:01:24,514 --> 01:01:25,556 Mushrooms... 1269 01:01:28,101 --> 01:01:30,603 - Golden retriever... 1270 01:01:30,603 --> 01:01:33,313 - Repeat. 1271 01:01:33,313 --> 01:01:35,107 If you have a problem in your life 1272 01:01:35,107 --> 01:01:38,444 and you take those three easy steps, I promise you, 1273 01:01:38,444 --> 01:01:41,072 if you just keep repeating it, eventually you'll become 1274 01:01:41,072 --> 01:01:43,907 a famous gay comedian and everything will be fine. 1275 01:01:46,451 --> 01:01:47,411 Worked for me! 1276 01:01:52,208 --> 01:01:54,335 -"Any advice for newlyweds?" - Ha! 1277 01:01:59,047 --> 01:02:00,132 Nope! 1278 01:02:01,342 --> 01:02:02,467 Too late! 1279 01:02:02,467 --> 01:02:06,179 Yeah, we got another two! 1280 01:02:06,179 --> 01:02:08,891 Advice for newlyweds? We've talked about this before. 1281 01:02:08,891 --> 01:02:12,145 Uh, go to bed angry. 1282 01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:16,398 I know the instinct is to laugh at that, but that phrase, 1283 01:02:16,398 --> 01:02:18,275 "Don't go to bed angry," is bullshit 1284 01:02:18,275 --> 01:02:20,152 because it teaches you your emotions have to work 1285 01:02:20,152 --> 01:02:22,529 on someone else's timeline, and that's shit. 1286 01:02:22,529 --> 01:02:24,656 Like, if your relationship is strong enough, 1287 01:02:24,656 --> 01:02:27,159 you can both be mad at each other for a few days 1288 01:02:27,159 --> 01:02:28,619 while you work through your shit. 1289 01:02:32,623 --> 01:02:35,375 - I go to bed angry all the time. - Yeah! 1290 01:02:35,375 --> 01:02:38,378 Jer goes to bed angry more times than he goes to bed. 1291 01:02:38,378 --> 01:02:41,799 It's mathematically impossible, but he's found a way. 1292 01:02:41,799 --> 01:02:43,884 - I'm in therapy for it. 1293 01:02:43,884 --> 01:02:45,302 'Cause of me! 1294 01:02:49,223 --> 01:02:51,349 - Okay, babe, one or two more. - I love this one. 1295 01:02:51,349 --> 01:02:52,518 You're gonna hate it. 1296 01:02:52,518 --> 01:02:53,895 Well, than don't read it! 1297 01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,813 - No, I'm doin' it. - Pfft! 1298 01:02:55,813 --> 01:02:58,607 "Will Jer do an impression of Darcy?" 1299 01:03:00,985 --> 01:03:04,279 See, they want it! 1300 01:03:04,404 --> 01:03:05,697 Lemme get in character. 1301 01:03:05,697 --> 01:03:08,159 Okay, make it quick. 1302 01:03:10,411 --> 01:03:12,580 I have a really good one tonight. 1303 01:03:14,248 --> 01:03:16,875 "Jeremy... 1304 01:03:16,875 --> 01:03:18,377 "I'm retired. 1305 01:03:18,377 --> 01:03:19,670 "Goodnight!" 1306 01:03:35,770 --> 01:03:38,898 - Did he go? 1307 01:03:38,898 --> 01:03:40,942 Is he actually gone? 1308 01:03:40,942 --> 01:03:42,360 He fuckin' left! 1309 01:03:45,279 --> 01:03:46,112 Ha! 1310 01:03:51,911 --> 01:03:54,538 That... that might be the best impression he's ever done! 1311 01:03:59,168 --> 01:04:00,877 What the fuck? 1312 01:04:09,386 --> 01:04:11,556 It's been a while since I've been up here alone. 1313 01:04:13,139 --> 01:04:15,685 Well you know what? Fuck it, if he's gone... 1314 01:04:18,353 --> 01:04:22,107 Can we agree that shoes are prison for our feet? 1315 01:04:22,107 --> 01:04:25,277 - I hate it so much. 1316 01:04:25,277 --> 01:04:27,154 He won't let me do the show without shoes 1317 01:04:27,154 --> 01:04:32,243 'cause it's not safe but, wow, you've created a monster. 1318 01:04:35,036 --> 01:04:36,998 I hate the impressions so much, 1319 01:04:36,998 --> 01:04:42,085 so to get back at him I'm now thinking of sharing my favourite 1320 01:04:42,085 --> 01:04:44,755 and Jer's least favourite joke about him. 1321 01:04:46,424 --> 01:04:48,676 I'm going to. Okay, but you know what? 1322 01:04:48,676 --> 01:04:51,304 Before I do, I think I'd be remiss 1323 01:04:51,304 --> 01:04:53,639 if I didn't take this chance, 'cause I've been trying to, 1324 01:04:53,639 --> 01:04:56,391 like, find the words over the last year 1325 01:04:56,516 --> 01:04:59,061 to describe this feeling. 1326 01:04:59,186 --> 01:05:01,605 Jer and I have always said to each over the last couple years, 1327 01:05:01,605 --> 01:05:03,607 we work in the currency of time. 1328 01:05:03,607 --> 01:05:06,192 Because of the time you've all chosen to spend 1329 01:05:06,192 --> 01:05:07,862 watching our content online 1330 01:05:07,862 --> 01:05:10,614 and now coming to see us in person, 1331 01:05:10,614 --> 01:05:13,451 you have given us the time of our lives together. 1332 01:05:13,451 --> 01:05:15,994 Well, not together, 'cause he's not fuckin' here! 1333 01:05:18,205 --> 01:05:21,291 I always joke that I tolerate you, 1334 01:05:21,291 --> 01:05:24,085 and understand that's the comedian in me 1335 01:05:24,085 --> 01:05:25,880 putting up a defensive wall 1336 01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:29,007 because this is scary, but, like... 1337 01:05:29,007 --> 01:05:30,884 I'm... 1338 01:05:30,884 --> 01:05:33,304 I'm so fucking grateful 1339 01:05:33,304 --> 01:05:36,264 for how you have changed and enriched our lives, 1340 01:05:36,264 --> 01:05:37,808 and I just need you to know 1341 01:05:37,808 --> 01:05:39,685 that it's not something we take lightly, 1342 01:05:39,685 --> 01:05:42,438 and I love you all so much for supporting us 1343 01:05:42,438 --> 01:05:44,398 and for being here with us. 1344 01:05:44,398 --> 01:05:47,652 Uh, it's something I hope we can repay with these stupid jokes 1345 01:05:47,652 --> 01:05:49,987 over the years, but thank you for-- 1346 01:05:49,987 --> 01:05:51,989 - Yeah! 1347 01:05:51,989 --> 01:05:54,157 Thank you for choosing to spend your time with us. 1348 01:05:55,993 --> 01:05:58,828 Okay, that all being said, let's make fun of Jer. 1349 01:05:58,828 --> 01:06:01,290 Woo! 1350 01:06:01,290 --> 01:06:03,793 This is my favourite story about Jer. 1351 01:06:03,793 --> 01:06:07,045 This is the story of the first time I ever saw Jer stoned. 1352 01:06:07,045 --> 01:06:09,172 This is 15 years ago, 1353 01:06:09,172 --> 01:06:12,717 before he became the stoner you all helped create. 1354 01:06:12,717 --> 01:06:14,929 We were at a friend of mine's for a party 1355 01:06:14,929 --> 01:06:16,973 and they had two types of brownies, right? 1356 01:06:16,973 --> 01:06:20,685 They had the normal ones, and then the ones without weed. 1357 01:06:22,686 --> 01:06:25,105 And I watched as Jer grabbed a weed brownie. 1358 01:06:25,105 --> 01:06:26,815 And judge me all you want, 1359 01:06:26,815 --> 01:06:28,650 we already know I'm a shitty husband, 1360 01:06:28,650 --> 01:06:32,362 so yeah, I let him drug himself. 1361 01:06:35,156 --> 01:06:37,409 And so, Jer eats this brownie and, like, 1362 01:06:37,409 --> 01:06:42,581 45 minutes later, I see him shuffling up across the floor. 1363 01:06:42,581 --> 01:06:46,252 I'm pretty sure it took him 45 minutes to get to me. 1364 01:06:46,252 --> 01:06:48,462 And he finally gets to me and he's like, 1365 01:06:48,462 --> 01:06:49,714 "Hey..." 1366 01:06:51,632 --> 01:06:55,344 And I'm like, "Hey..." And he's like, "We gotta go." 1367 01:06:55,344 --> 01:06:57,011 And I'm like, "Where do you wanna go?" 1368 01:06:57,011 --> 01:06:58,556 And he's like, "7-Eleven!" 1369 01:07:00,016 --> 01:07:01,516 And I'm like, "Fuck, yes!" 1370 01:07:01,641 --> 01:07:03,476 'Cause back me up, long-term relationships, 1371 01:07:03,476 --> 01:07:06,272 you don't leave a party to hump, you leave a party to get 1372 01:07:06,272 --> 01:07:09,692 four bags of chips to watch 10 episodes of Grey's Anatomy. 1373 01:07:09,692 --> 01:07:11,485 Like, that's a sexy night at home! 1374 01:07:12,777 --> 01:07:15,031 That is what I want! 1375 01:07:15,031 --> 01:07:18,491 So I take him to 7-Eleven and I unleash him on the store. 1376 01:07:18,491 --> 01:07:19,951 I stay in the car. 1377 01:07:19,951 --> 01:07:23,371 He comes back, $78 later. 1378 01:07:24,540 --> 01:07:26,875 $78, 15 years ago. 1379 01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:29,587 That's like $700 today. 1380 01:07:31,130 --> 01:07:32,797 And we're driving home, 1381 01:07:32,797 --> 01:07:35,467 and this is back when we lived in a little town called Ladner, 1382 01:07:35,467 --> 01:07:37,802 and by little town, the closest thing we had 1383 01:07:37,802 --> 01:07:40,848 to gay pride parade was when Jer and I would check the mail 1384 01:07:40,848 --> 01:07:42,724 at the same time. 1385 01:07:42,724 --> 01:07:45,853 - Like, "Hey... 1386 01:07:45,853 --> 01:07:48,438 "Look, honey, pitchforks! Short parade today!" 1387 01:07:50,482 --> 01:07:52,275 And we're driving down our little country road 1388 01:07:52,275 --> 01:07:53,819 and there's a police roadblock. 1389 01:07:53,819 --> 01:07:55,945 They're looking for drunk drivers or stoned drivers. 1390 01:07:55,945 --> 01:07:57,989 I'm not worried. I didn't drink anything. 1391 01:07:57,989 --> 01:07:59,491 I didn't smoke anything. 1392 01:07:59,491 --> 01:08:00,993 We're fine. 1393 01:08:00,993 --> 01:08:02,953 Mm-mm! 1394 01:08:02,953 --> 01:08:05,580 Something in Jer's head fuckin' snaps. 1395 01:08:07,124 --> 01:08:10,544 He thinks they're gonna see his munchies 1396 01:08:10,544 --> 01:08:15,382 and know that he, as the passenger, 1397 01:08:15,382 --> 01:08:17,258 is on marijuana! 1398 01:08:18,636 --> 01:08:20,346 So what does he do? 1399 01:08:20,346 --> 01:08:23,682 He starts dumping shit out the window! 1400 01:08:23,682 --> 01:08:25,517 Everything's gotta go! 1401 01:08:25,517 --> 01:08:27,602 ♪ Clearance sale! ♪ 1402 01:08:27,602 --> 01:08:29,730 And the fattie in me is like, 1403 01:08:29,730 --> 01:08:32,941 "Not the salt and vinegar chips, you son of a bitch!" 1404 01:08:32,941 --> 01:08:34,860 And the cops are like, "Pull over." 1405 01:08:34,860 --> 01:08:36,486 I'm like, "Really? Why?" 1406 01:08:37,780 --> 01:08:39,865 And the cop pulls me out of the car. 1407 01:08:39,865 --> 01:08:42,243 Thank God it's our little town. I know the cop. 1408 01:08:42,243 --> 01:08:44,160 And he's like, "What is going on with Jer?" 1409 01:08:45,620 --> 01:08:48,039 I'm like, "Jer's stoned." He's like, "Jer is stoned?!" 1410 01:08:48,039 --> 01:08:50,416 I was like, "I know! It's the best night of my life! 1411 01:08:50,416 --> 01:08:51,752 "I gotta go!" 1412 01:08:51,752 --> 01:08:53,838 - Without saying anything else, 1413 01:08:53,838 --> 01:08:56,464 the cop grabs his baton off his belt, 1414 01:08:56,464 --> 01:08:58,968 runs over to Jer's side of the car, 1415 01:08:58,968 --> 01:09:01,344 and just starts wailing on the door. 1416 01:09:01,344 --> 01:09:04,682 He's like, "What the fuck are you doing with your life?!" 1417 01:09:11,146 --> 01:09:14,150 It took three weeks to get the smell of piss out of our car. 1418 01:09:15,401 --> 01:09:19,321 Still worth it. 1419 01:09:22,031 --> 01:09:23,575 I didn't pee! 1420 01:09:23,575 --> 01:09:25,910 - Oh-ho! 1421 01:09:25,910 --> 01:09:28,705 She's back. Are you done your stupid impression? 1422 01:09:28,705 --> 01:09:30,290 [offstage] Bitch, I'm just getting started! 1423 01:09:30,290 --> 01:09:32,168 Oh my God... 1424 01:09:38,339 --> 01:09:39,924 Well, hello, everybody. 1425 01:09:39,924 --> 01:09:42,136 My name's Darcy Michael. 1426 01:09:42,136 --> 01:09:43,678 Can you see me? 1427 01:09:46,807 --> 01:09:50,393 Jeremy, I'm on vacation-- 1428 01:09:50,393 --> 01:09:51,853 from my medication. 1429 01:09:58,360 --> 01:10:00,111 Oh, look at me, I'm a fucking idiot! 1430 01:10:00,111 --> 01:10:02,322 - Oh, wow. 1431 01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:05,284 Oop! 1432 01:10:05,284 --> 01:10:06,660 Oww! 1433 01:10:06,660 --> 01:10:08,036 Oh, no! 1434 01:10:08,036 --> 01:10:09,163 Oh, I hurt my knee! 1435 01:10:09,163 --> 01:10:10,414 Wow... 1436 01:10:10,414 --> 01:10:12,540 Now I can't drive my Ram 1500! 1437 01:10:12,540 --> 01:10:15,209 - Okay, enough. 1438 01:10:15,209 --> 01:10:17,838 It's Ram 15 Hunter. 1439 01:10:17,838 --> 01:10:19,173 - Don't know, don't care. 1440 01:10:19,173 --> 01:10:20,883 This is-- okay, are you done? 1441 01:10:20,883 --> 01:10:23,177 'Cause I'm sick of you trying to steal my life. 1442 01:10:23,177 --> 01:10:24,344 Look at this! 1443 01:10:24,344 --> 01:10:26,179 He forces me to come back to work, 1444 01:10:26,179 --> 01:10:27,722 he steals the house husband thing, 1445 01:10:27,722 --> 01:10:29,849 and now he's dressed like me as well? 1446 01:10:29,849 --> 01:10:31,810 This is scary-- No. You know what? 1447 01:10:31,810 --> 01:10:34,646 Tonight I'm taking back the house husband. 1448 01:10:41,070 --> 01:10:43,364 House husband, baby! 1449 01:10:45,907 --> 01:10:48,118 Oh, look, everybody, the fagoots have arrived! 1450 01:10:49,703 --> 01:10:52,080 Settle down! He said, "faggots"! 1451 01:10:55,416 --> 01:10:57,253 The scariest part of doing this show 1452 01:10:57,253 --> 01:10:59,922 is whether or not I remembered to put this on. 1453 01:11:01,339 --> 01:11:03,508 We can't thank you enough for being here tonight. 1454 01:11:03,508 --> 01:11:04,759 Thank you for hanging out. 1455 01:11:04,759 --> 01:11:07,053 Can I get a round of applause for Jer? 1456 01:11:07,053 --> 01:11:08,263 - 50 shows! 1457 01:11:08,263 --> 01:11:10,307 From corporate stooge to this! 1458 01:11:12,058 --> 01:11:14,102 And keep it going for Darcy! 1459 01:11:14,102 --> 01:11:16,021 Back on stage where he belongs! 1460 01:11:18,315 --> 01:11:20,859 You did so good. I'm so proud of you. 1461 01:11:22,861 --> 01:11:25,114 - Thank you so much, Nanaimo. - Thank you. 1462 01:11:25,114 --> 01:11:26,949 Be kind to yourselves. 1463 01:11:26,949 --> 01:11:30,076 - Yuma! 1464 01:11:30,076 --> 01:11:32,245 - Yuma! - Yuma! 1465 01:11:32,245 --> 01:11:34,580 - Look! Yuma! 1466 01:11:34,580 --> 01:11:38,669 - Come here! Hi! - Hi! Aww! 1467 01:11:38,669 --> 01:11:40,545 She's like, "Who's got rocks?!" 1468 01:11:40,545 --> 01:11:41,838 Yuma, look! 1469 01:11:45,258 --> 01:11:47,511 Okay, Yuma can go. You have to go. 1470 01:11:47,511 --> 01:11:50,222 This way, buddy! This way! Go to Candace! 1471 01:11:50,222 --> 01:11:51,557 Aww! 1472 01:11:51,557 --> 01:11:53,642 - Yuma! - Aww, Yuma! 1473 01:11:55,727 --> 01:11:58,187 Okay, really, we gotta go. Thank you all so much. 1474 01:11:58,187 --> 01:11:59,272 We love you! 1475 01:11:59,272 --> 01:12:01,650 We tolerate you! 1476 01:12:08,781 --> 01:12:11,660 - Remember to take your meds! - Goodnight! 1477 01:12:24,464 --> 01:12:26,174 - Thank you! 1478 01:12:26,299 --> 01:12:28,761 ♪ ...it's been years in the making ♪ 1479 01:12:28,761 --> 01:12:31,888 ♪ And I'd do it over again ♪ 1480 01:12:31,888 --> 01:12:35,976 ♪ It's been years in the making ♪ 1481 01:12:39,146 --> 01:12:42,648 ♪ Right now I'm in my zone ♪ 1482 01:12:42,648 --> 01:12:44,401 ♪ Put your eyes on me ♪ 1483 01:12:44,401 --> 01:12:47,780 ♪ I got the scars to show it didn't come for free ♪ 1484 01:12:47,780 --> 01:12:51,741 ♪ It's been years in the making... ♪ 103515