Original subtitles

So, when you're applying this color,

you really want to follow the natural crease,

of your eyelid.

I know this is a vibrant look,

but with your complexion

you're going to turn some heads.

I'll just take this up to the counter

and then when you're finished shopping, will ring you up.

Hello, ma'am.

May I help you?

Oh no, I'm fine, thank you.

Bitch, put that back.

Chrissy,

Judy.

You're gonna make us late.

Well, let me finish the sale and we can go.

You don't owe these people shit.

Yeah, well, they owe me a paycheck.

I'm keeping this as a ransom and swiping a new item

every minute till you're ready to leave.

Tick tock.

Pssss...

Oooo... Fancy!

No, no, no. A blouse. I'm a blouse.

A what?

It's a feminine top.

Like.

Wait, a blouse?

Forget it.

I thought you were a bottom.

A death drop bottom.

Oh, yes, yes. I'm quite versatile.

Wait. What? What does that even mean?

What is...

What is a death drop bottom?

I don't douche.

Ewwww!

That's disgusting. She's over here painting.

- That's disgusting! - Are you serious?

What?

- Miss Chrissy.

We agreed. No phones.

- Someone got that puts on lockdown?

No!

Yes. Shawn.

- Oh. - Wait. Seriously?

- Who? - Philadelphia.

Again?

OK, everyone needs to calm the fuck down.

- Give me my phone back. - It's like watching. Carrie and Big.

More like Steve and Miranda.

No, because Steve is so fucking hot.

- No, I just mean, she's a Miranda. - Enough of all of this bullshit.

I'm not a Miranda. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

- She's a Miranda. - I'm putting my phone away!

- We love you baby. - Judy.

Judy. Judy.

My friend ended up buying that and B&B in P-Town.

Oh.

So if you want to go up this summer, he's looking to...

hire a house boy.

Oh. I thought that you were gonna say he's looking for a husband.

Umm. Hmm. Washing...

Washing sheets, scrubbing toilets, making beds?

No, thank you. No, no.

Besides, I think Judy's a little old for the title of House Boy.

Excuse me!

House Woman.

House Auntie.

House Hag.

- House Hag! - Watch it!

- House Frau? - House Frau...

Poppers for your pillow.

You left a stain on the sheets!

But girl, you have been talking about having a summer show in P-Town for years.

So just work for Jay's friend, gig at nigh and make connections.

- Bingo.

We will get up there when the timing's right.

Without having to wash lube- stained sheets.

- But thank you. - All right.

Listen,

onto more important topics of conversation.

Have we seen any cute boys on the island this weekend?

Also, what is the vibe?

Are we feeling like a pool party moment? Or...

Actually, uh...

Lucas and I were talking, and we're thinking that it's actually

just because things got a little out of hand last year.

- We thought...

Oh right. Ladies,

- no tricks.

- Yes. - Right?

- I am in favor of that. - Excuse me!

Why the fuck were you looking directly at me when you said that?

I wasn't.

- Yes, you were.

But rightfully so.

Y'all are already makin' me share a bed with this ho. Ain't no room for tricks.

She's pressed like a fresh juice.

Are you two fuckin' faggots gonna follow that rule?

- We don't have to.

Couples don't have tricks,

- they have guests. - Thank you.

Oh my god.

- That was rehearsed for tea. - Sign the book and leave!

Hey, Chrissy Spacek.

I'm just texting him to tell him that I will text him later.

Oof! Honey, he is not worth the effort.

Nobody asked you.

- Ooo. Judy's over here, afraid of losing her little codependent Chrissy.

We are not codependent.

She's not going anywhere.

I want to kiss a boy this weekend.

I know you do, baby girl.

I... Ooh.

Hey. Hi.

Hello there!

He couldn't hear me.

Oh, he couldn't?

How you doing, baby girl?

You're my favorite person.

If we were the only two people left on earth, I would be fine with that.

Can I kiss you?

I just need to kiss a boy.

We're gonna be famous.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, can't you feel it, girl? A show in the pines.

By this time next summer, we're going to have that residency in P-Town.

And then what?

I don't know.

You should dance with my friend.

Oh, Chrissy Chrissy Chrissy.

We're keeping our pact.

No, no, no, no, no. That ship has sailed.

That's what we agreed on.

When we were twenty-two and we thought that thirty was old.

Okay, fine. Forty.

Forty. Forty. Forty. Forty.

Chrissy Christina Barcelona.

Okay. Okay, okay.

If we're still single at forty, god forbid, we can get married.

But we'll sleep with other people.

Naturally.

There's a cute boy behind you.

I know.

You're a mess, and I love you.

And I love you, too.

So much.

- Oh, Judy, I can't do this.

I'm so tired of being broke.

Oh, come on now Chrissy, we got this.

Let's bring it home.

- Thank you so much. - Thank you!

- I'm Chrissy Snow. - And I'm Judy Blu'em.

Thank you for making our first performance in Fire Island so fabulous.

If you like our show, you can catch us at V-Lounge in Chelsea on May 30th.

Or in your father's bedroom every weekend.

- Have a great night ladies and gentlemen. - We love you!

Oh, dear. Oh.

Tuesdays.

Oh. Good show, bitch.

Jesus. Fuck. My leg.

Oh. Ooh.

Oof.

All right.

Not bad.

Not bad.

Oh, my God.

Hey, what are you doing?

We are not de-dragging. We need to go back out there.

Network. Schmooze.

Get another gig here.

- They loved the show, baby girl.

All ten of those people in the audience love that show.

You can go and schmooze. But I am going back to the house.

Oh, come on.

We only get to exist in these gay enclaves a few nights a year.

- Judy.

Fine.

So, listen, real quick about tomorrow.

- Look.

- I've been trying to find a time to talk with you.

I know I said I'd stay for the day, but I need to be on the 8 a.m. ferry.

You're joking.

I'm sorry.

Look, I've been trying to find a time

to talk with you about this. Uhm.

You know, Shawn and I, we are.

Back on the merry-go-round.

We're trying to figure out what the possibility of a future

looks like for us if we want to continue dating, which I do.

And we decided what makes the most sense for us right now

is that we be closer in proximity.

So tomorrow I'm meeting with H.R.

to put in a request to transfer it to the Philadelphia store.

You're gonna commute to Philly for work?

Now, Judy, I'm moving there.

Fuck off.

I'm sorry for springing it on you like this.

I just didn't want to say anything before the show, and I was going to tell you...

Oh, my God.

Are you serious?

When?

The first.

Like, next week, the first?

I know that this seems like it's coming out of left field,

but it is something that Shawn and I have been talking about for a while.

And I thought that I would wait until the end of the summer,

but my lease is up, and he asked me to come and stay.

I'm sorry. Your moving in with Shawn?

Yeah.

It's something he suggested, and we want to try it.

What about our gigs?

I need to take a little break.

For how long?

I don't know.

OK, I need a couple of months.

We have the lounge next week.

Judy you are brilliant, and you don't need me.

It's the Chrissy Judy show.

What the fuck am I gonna do alone on stage for two hours?

- It's a shitty gig that barely.

- Two hundred bucks.

That we split!

- Plus tips!

It could turn into a weekly thing. That's...

- That's exposure. - And then what are we gonna do?

Judy, I'm...

- I want financial stability.

I want to buy a house someday.

I want to travel.

I want to have a boyfriend.

Look, performing with you is so much fun.

I really love it.

But how much longer are we gonna keep spinning our wheels on this?

I thought...

That was the plan.

I think this is going

to be a really great opportunity to regroup

and for me to see what happens when I shift my priorities.

Priorities with Shawn in Philadelphia.

- Judy. - You're going to hate it there.

- Judy!

I'm sorry for bringing it up like this, but I'm really excited

and I want you to be happy for me.

You know what?

I think I'm actually going to stick around, have a drink.

Can you just take all this shit

back to the house for me?

Yeah, sure.

- Yeah? - Oh, fuck. Yeah.

- Hey. - Hey.

"Find what you're looking for?"

"Yes, Tina, I did."

I need the TV on so I can sleep.

I know.

Is this "Murder She Wrote?"

Oh, hey.

How was your getaway?

Oh, you know, fabulous.

Booze. Boys. Debauchery.

Yas Queen!

How about you? How was your weekend?

Uh, dropped some molls at Gov Ball.

Oh, exotic.

It was crazy.

I'll bet. I'm just going to.

Oh, I hate to be annoying, but I still haven't gotten utilities from you.

Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. How much was it?

Eighty-three.

Okay.

Well, can you just Venmo me?

I think I have cash id that's easier.

I'd rather have a receipt of payment.

Sure, I'll do that right now.

Thanks.

He we have more wine if you want!

He never wants to hang out.

I swear to God,

if I have to sit through another one of these like "Women In Tech" conferences.

Oh, there's no coffee in iced tea bar. Regular, Raspberry.

And there's sweetener on the right.

Yeah. No, I'm gonna kill myself before this is over.

No, it's fine.

I just have a meeting at, like, 4:30.

It's fine.

Sometimes I wonder why they don't just put signs.

I they did we'd be out of a job.

Hmm. That makes sense.

I'm Brent, by the way.

Sorry for all the questions. This is only my third shift.

- Oh, welcome. - Thanks.

I don't know how long I'll be doing this for, anyway.

I have a really big audition today.

You don't say.

Have you heard of the Ogunquit?

In Maine?

Well, they're doing "Hello, Dolly" with Sally Struthers this fall

and my final callback today.

Are you an actor?

Oh, God, no.

Oh. What do you do?

When you're not here?

Oh. Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, my.

The treachery of the stairs.

I made it.

Oh, thank you so much for that.

Oh! Why hello kind sir.

Oh, I've never felt so loved...

and so cheap in my whole life. Thank you.

Oh, barkeep, I'm sorry I'm a little parched.

Taking a little break here.

Where's your other half?

That's a great question.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen.

My performance was so electric, so entertaining that it has

moved this man to sit at the bar and crack open a book.

What do we got here?

Oh! "Dancer from the Dance" Handsome and well-read.

Tugging at my heart strings.

Are you actually reading that, or are you just some kind of a serial killer

here to lure your next victim?

Serial killer.

Oh, my!

What's the matter, not your type?

And what does it say about me that I am really turned on right now?

Didn't think I'd pick on you back here, huh stud?

You single?

- No. - No, no, of course not.

And I'm sure your boyfriend is just gorgeous, isn't he?

He is.

Well, how nice for the both of you.

- You know, I'm sorry. Do you mind? - Oh, fuck off buddy.

It's a drag show.

Not the goddamn New York Public Library.

Oh.

Well, thank you for letting me take a moment to wet my whistle.

Ladies and gentlemen, for my next number,

I'll be doing a little diddy that we haven't heard since 1949.

First sung by Ann Margaret...

Hi, uhm...

Since it was just you, I'm only paying you half.

That's totally fair.

I'm really sorry about Chrissy.

Who? Oh.

Listen, next week, I was thinking.

I'm not really sure what we're doing.

It's dead here in the summer, and.

OK. Maybe we could do, like, an every other week kind of thing then?

Or I could bring in some other dolls.

Let's talk about it in the fall.

Sure.

Listen sweetheart, the girls today, they dance... to current music.

Maybe work on something like that.

OK.

Drinks on me at the bar.

Thanks, Phill.

Hey, girl.

I'm just calling to see how it went.

I'm sure you slayed it.

Hey, can I get a shot of...

Anything. I don't care what. Is anybody sitting here?

No. All yours.

Thank you.

You here alone tonight?

Yeah.

I just needed to get out of the house, and this place is usually dead.

You're telling me.

Can I get another one?

You want one? On me.

Uh, sure.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

So, uhm...

Does your boyfriend know you let strangers buy your drinks?

What makes you think I have a boyfriend?

You don't recognize me, do you?

Uh, no. Sorry.

Have we met?

If you don't remember.

I just want to thank you for making me feel so worthless

during my performance tonight you fucking sociopath.

Excuse me.

Enjoy the book, sweetheart.

It's a good one.

Oh, my God.

- Shut the fuck up, you ugly fucking cunt. - Oh, my God.

- Gordy. - Oh, no. It's Samoa now.

- Fabulous. Like the cookie or the dog? - Like the island.

Wonderful.

You look amazing.

I did not recognize you. This hair!

Thank you.

It is so random running into you.

- It's been too long. - Yes, I know.

What is your life? What is happening here? And what's with the luggage?

Oh, well, you know, just carrying around all the bad habits of my past.

Dark. Fuck, I have missed you.

Oh, do you know Slade and Sierra Rose?

- Hi. I'm Judy. - Hey. Hi.

Oh, are you going to Disco Barbarella?

That place in the corner?

Yes, Queen, you have you not been? It is the living end.

OK. Whew.

What's happening? What is this?

I just have this feeling wash over me that this tragic evening was about to blossom

into one of those really incredible, serendipitous New York nights.

Is she on shrooms?

Girl, I am so totally with you.

Faggots. How long are we doing this?

I'm good. Let's go. Oh, there was a really long line out front.

Oh, sweetie, that's cute. No, no lines.

No lines.

Of course.

I'm having a little intimate gathering at my place next week.

You should come.

- Oh my... - Honey, no. That's assault.

But then, sometimes I feel like I must be fucked up

cause I've never had a boyfriend.

Then I'm like, I don't really want a boyfriend right now.

You know? Like, what I want

is to be alone

with someone.

Do you know what I mean?

- Hey, you good buddy?

No, no. I'm fine. Honestly...

I'm thriving.

At five, six, seven, eight walk, one.

Hit four, five, six, seven, eight.

Flip. Good.

One, two, three, four.

Walk one, two, three, hit four.

Good. Last group. And five, six, seven, eight.

Go one, two... five, six...

Blondie, you need Beginner Hip Hop before you hop back in here.

I need heels class. I'm a drag queen.

You sure about that?

And cat, cat, seven, eight. Great!

Good. Good. Alright, great class everybody.

Hey, it's me, uhm...

Just calling to say hi.

See how things are going.

Yeah, give me a call back when you get this.

This guy.

I mean, we're all on this planet to become the people

that we're meant to be.

And if you don't envision who that person

is, you will never become them, right?

Like manifesting is so real.

Do you vision board?

Should I? Oh God, I should.

Yes. Oh, my God. Yes.

When I started, my business took off.

Are you still making that jewelry?

- Soap. - Fabulous.

Yeah, I know. Honestly, I count my blessings every day.

It is just so amazing to me to think that you created all of this from nothing.

Yeah, I mean, my parents own the building, but the rest is me.

Oh.

Do you smoke?

Uhm... I'm good.

- Joint?

Oh.

No. I'm trying to get back.

God, why?

I'm trying to hustle.

I'm working on this new solo act.

Oh, my God. I'm such a dumb bitch.

Ask and you shall receive.

Why don't you perform at Mattachine next month?

OK, I'll just show up in drag.

No, I'm serious. I'll tell Miss Rose to get you on the list.

Wait, you really think they'd have me?

Oh, yeah. They love weird shit.

Don't you like sing or something?

Or something? Yeah,

I think I'm looking for an opener for Charlamagne.

Who's that?

This trans girl who makes martinis with her pussy.

She's great.

There. Done.

Simple.

Oh, my God. Thank you.

That's so amazing. The machine.

That's, like, too cool for me.

Oh, my God. You have to ditch this negative energy babe.

You're insecurities are boring.

My insecurities

are boring.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am that we're reconnecting.

Oh, my God. Me too.

You know, the older I get,

the more I realize how essential it is to have queer friends.

Yes. Yes! I have virtually no straight male or female friends anymore.

God, me neither. I mean, they're lovely.

I'd be dead if it wasn't for my girls when I was younger.

But as an adult, I need queer people around as guideposts for survival.

It's like being a refugee in a country where I kind of know the language,

but I'd rather coexist with people from my native country.

Safe spaces.

Wow. That was really deep.

Yeah. Also, there's a boy coming over later.

His name is Marcus. Touch him and I'll fucking kill you.

Oh yeah, Mhm. Girl Scout's honor.

Yeah, he has a boyfriend, but you know how these boys are today. They're all open.

I know. It's like, what's the point of even having a boyfriend?

Love and companionship.

Duh.

- Right. That.

God, I really shouldn't.

The roof is where the real party is.

Oh, oh hey. Hi baby.

Hi gorgeous.

- How are you? - Good. How are you?

Good. Can you help me get these people to the roof?

Yes. Do you mind if I grab a drink first?

Oh, yeah. The good stuff is downstairs.

- OK, thank you. - Yep.

Homosexuals go dance.

Thank you so much.

Nope.

Or like, you know. Yeah, yeah.

And then like... yes.

Get your hair, like...

- Hi baby. How are you? - Great. How are you?

I'm good. Having a little photoshoot?

Hi. How you doin'?

Alright, I don't want to interrupt.

OK.

That guy is a life coach.

Yeah, me too.

Saturated market these days.

Tell me about it.

Hence your performance at V-Lounge?

A girl's gotta eat.

Sorry, I probably owe you an apology.

I was just having a really bad night.

Oh, no, no, it's all good.

I got a free drink out of it.

Oh, good.

Marcus.

Judy.

Seriously? Come on, what's your name?

It's Judy.

Man, you queens in your names. I cannot keep up.

Oh, I would rather be a nickname-gay than a full-name gay.

Marcussss, was it?

Alright, you get points for having a personality.

Oh, thank you.

God, this is so terrifying.

What happens to these guys, like, in another five or ten years?

I guess they just go into real estate?

I think he'll go to the same place they send old drag queens.

You know, our host told us not to engage with you

and I think I'm going to take that advice.

I need a refresher?

- So you're in Wicked? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going great.

- That's great. - Yeah, it's been a great show so far.

Are you like one of the munchkins or...?

Wow, your social media is a mess.

I'm not good at that kind of stuff.

Promoting yourself? Isn't that half the job of a performer?

I'm an artist.

Yikes.

Sorry to hear that.

I'm not your standard

like a run-of-the-mill drag brunch bingo queen. I'm...

I'm the next Jim Bailey.

Oh. So you're a drag queen that doesn't work.

OK, Mr. PR, spin it.

I'm your new client.

Tell me, what should I be doing to promote myself?

I mean, well, first of all, your name.

Oh, my God. You're obsessed with my name.

It doesn't make any sense.

Judy Blu'em.

Like the OG YA author, but also like...

-No no, I get it.

I mean, it doesn't make sense for your character.

Right? So, like, your whole show, you do old jazz standards, and

you know, try to evoke a time gone by.

That's what you should be promoting. You know, cause Judy Blume...

Oof, she is a mess.

I mean, come on.

Bad sex jokes, flirting with the crowd.

Yeah, you don't do that very well.

I have my moments. Thank you.

Who's this other queen?

That's just a friend of mine, we don't really work together anymore.

Oh, gotcha.

Well, then it sounds like a good time for a fresh start.

Yeah.

Originally, I was thinking of calling myself Sweet Lorraine

because I love that jazz standard, and it was my mom's nickname growing up.

And you went with Judy Blu'em?

All my friends call me Judy, and I just...

I don't know, I went with it once at Halloween and it just sort of stuck.

Yeah.

I mean, it sounds like a lot of thought went into that.

- I still stand by Judy.

Shit.

You don't smoke, do you?

I know where we can get some.

Why does that not surprise me?

You know, I know you meant that as a compliment, so I'm going to take it as one.

Come on. Follow me.

Helloooo?

Oh, what the fuck?

I know. Isn't it hilarious?

I used to keep my weed in an empty deodorant stick.

Sit. Sit.

Have at it.

Thank you pre-roll.

So Samoa told you not to engage with me?

Oh, yeah. She's a fan.

Yeah, I know.

And your boyfriend...?

David.

David. Where's he?

He's a flight attendant, so he travels a lot.

Oh, OK.

Absence makes heart grow fonder?

- It helps. - Yeah.

So what about you? No boyfriend for you?

Oh, no.

So all these single guys here and you spent the last hour talking to me?

These single guys?

Yes. I'm a businesswoman.

I just got a free marketing consultation.

Plus... I don't know.

I like talking to guys with boyfriends,

I'm not putting myself in a position to be rejected, so I can just...

I don't know. Be myself.

And what if the guy with the boyfriend makes a move?

Well...

I guess that's up to the guy with the boyfriend.

I probably shouldn't do this.

Right, David. And Samoa.

No, I still don't know your real name.

Oh, my God.

It's James.

James?

James. Francis O'Neal. The third.

My family calls me Frankie.

I absolutely hate it.

Yeah.

Yeah, that doesn't quite fit.

Mmm, no. Hence...

Francis.

OK, got it, dude.

Yeah, she's my favorite.

Mystery solved.

Hi. What the fuck?

Hey, gorgeous.

Ah, sorry.

We needed to steal some of your weed.

OK, you could have just asked.

Right.

Yeah, totally understand.

So sorry.

OK. So...

Get the fuck out.

Yeah.

Cool.

Uhm, Mattachine's canceled, babe.

Samoa, I'm so sorry.

No, don't girl.

Come here.

No, no, no, no, no. I...

I want you to come.

I want you to come first.

I already did.

- Oh. - I'm sorry.

- Oh, no. Yeah, that's' fine. - Are you sure?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's cool.

I just.

I'm not going to be able to...

OK.

So sexy.

Me? You.

I'm going to go back to the party.

- Did you to get that? - No, sorry.

I think I should go though.

- Oh, you sure? - Mhm.

OK, uhm. Well, I got your number.

Cool.

What up playa?

- Hi.

Oh, my God. It's so good to hear your voice.

I'm like the worst friend. I keep missing your texts.

- It's fine.

How are you? How's Philly?

When are you coming back?

Philly is great.

I don't hate me, but I was actually in the city on Friday for work.

Girl, why didn't you tell me? I would have met up with you.

- I know. It's been a total whirlwind.

Everything is...

What?

Honestly, everything is great.

Good.

We have so much to catch up on.

I feel like I've been here for six months already.

What about you?

- What are you doing right now?

I am currently sitting in a closet with cum dripping out of my asshole.

Judy.

- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm at this rooftop party.

Fabulous, as always.

You know how I do.

I miss you, girl.

I miss you, too.

Listen, Shawn is desperate to meet you.

We want to have you come down.

I don't know if you have plans for the 4th of July weekend,

but we're going to this barbecue, and it's actually looking like it's

going to be a really fun weekend.

We'd love to have you come down.

That sounds like fun.

- Yeah?

I'm going to be doing drag for the first time

that Friday night in Philly, and I'd love to have your support.

Bitch, what? You are doing drag?

No, it's dumb. It's just a charity thing.

If you have a gig that night, don't even give it a second thought, obviously.

No, no, no gigs.

I'm just kind of like working on my solo act right now, you know.

Networking.

Taking some dance classes. Revamping my social media.

I'm really happy to hear that.

Yeah, things are really great here, too.

Oh, God, I hate to do this.

I've got to run.

I just wanted to catch up really quickly.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

If you think you can make it.

Yes, I will.

I will be there.

Yeah, OK. I'll text you the deets.

It's really good to hear your voice, Judy.

You too.

Bye, baby girl.

Hi. Welcome to Philadelphia!

Oh, my God. It's so cute here.

- Hi. - It's so great to finally meet you.

And then we get out on the street, and this queen is running for her life,

with one heel! Screaming, "Officer! Officer!"

I thought he was a real cop!

I also love that I thought the guy in booty shorts and like, a crop tee,

was a real cop.

Well, he was wearing aviator glasses, and I guess that fits in like...

I was like, "Honey arrest me."

This charity organization's great.

But there's actually some stuff you're gonna be able to help out with.

CHRISSY. - And Shawn will introduce you to people.

JUDY. - Perfect, I'm here to help.

- What up, Philly?

How are you doing out there?

That's what's up y'all.

Welcome to Philly Gay Bingo...

I know it's silly, but it helps the guest to know who's a volunteer.

Honestly, I have a purse that would been fabulous with this.

DRAG QUEEN. - We're raising money for people

- living with HIV and AIDS, so let's turn those pockets out.

Are you ready, y'all?

Right in front of you, we have some fierce little plastic dobbers...

So, what do you say? Want to have a contest?

See who can sell the most tickets tonight?

Oh, God.

- What's the winner get? - Bragging rights.

How about OK?

How about if I win,

I get to take Chrissy to brunch tomorrow.

Solo.

Done.

Down.

Alright. Let's do this!

- Are you ready?

I said "Are you ready?"

- "B" What do we have? B-2.

Isn't this a riot?

Girl, all I see is stubble and kitten heels.

Be nice. They're pretty.

They are gorgeous.

This hair... looked better on me.

Yeah, well, I made it, and it's mine.

Hi. Are you having fun?

- Stud?

Can I have an arm's length?

Oh, you got it, sweetheart.

- How's that? - Yeah, OK.

- BINGO! BINGO!

Ladies and homosexuals, this is our favorite new girl,

so I need you all to be real nice.

If you want to be. Let's give it up for Chrissy Snow.

Oh, hello, Philadelphia.

Thank you.

I am so happy to be here with you tonight.

This number goes out to all of those good Judys.

Thank god for them, right?

Hit it!

- Let me take this stuff.

Hey, great job.

Oh, thanks.

Girl, I heard you paint. You should come by sometime.

Oh, maybe next month.

Think about it.

OK.

No winners?

- No. - Sorry!

Ohh. There are some mens here.

I'm a visual learner.

Ah. So she's not on the apps.

Of course I'm not.

Judy, I'm gonna hit the hay. Thanks again for your help tonight.

I still think you cheated. I want my solo brunch.

Next time for sure.

You were great tonight, Chris.

Night.

Nice game, Chris.

- So "Masc 4 Masc" - Shut up.

He is not.

Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy.

OK, I'm going to go to bed.

Oh, excuse me.

- No. - I'm tired.

It's not even midnight.

The well has been dry all day.

I need some Chrissy time and some wine.

I just had really long show.

Need I remind you, I took a bus to get here.

The Greyhound.

What you got in that fridge downstairs?

- I've got some bubbly stuff. - Uh huh. That's what I thought.

Be right back.

I don't know.

I have some things in the medicine cabinet.

We've got a lamp together last week.

A lamp. Oh, my God. What is happening?

He has a guest room, Judy. This whole room...

This is for guests.

This is a luxury.

And we're just throwing around the boyfriend title, so soon.

There was no official conversation.

He just started introducing me as his boyfriend.

I heard.

So... yes.

He's very matter of fact.

"This is my boyfriend, Chris." So I'm like, OK, I guess we're boyfriend.

Yeah, his whole vibe is like, very like, teddy bear total top.

Oh, God. The dick is good girl.

Oh.

I mean, he definitely has his routine that he likes to stick to,

but I'll get him to switch it up eventually.

As long as you're satisfied.

Are you happier here?

What's that supposed to mean?

Are you happier here than you were in New York?

I mean, it's different.

There are things that I miss, but.

I feel like I'm supposed to be here right now.

Think you'll ever move back?

I never thought it'd leave in the first place.

Me neither.

All right, well,

I love you,

- But now I'm going to go to sleep. - Fine.

- Good night. - Good night.

Chrissy?

What?

Is he just gonna like, follow you into your room or...?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- He usually sleeps in here.

Dash. Come here.

- Dash.

- Come here.

- Dash!

- Come on, boy.

I'm sorry honey.

- Good night. - Good night.

Such a good boy.

Come on.

- Oh my God. This place is gorgeous. - They did a really good job.

- You should have seen it before.

Hey. Happy 4th!

- Good to see you. - Hi guys.

Before we take one more step, we have some news.

Oh, my God. Finally.

Oh, my God. Congratulations.

- That's so exciting. - Hi. I am so happy you're here.

Thank you for having me. I really appreciate the invitation.

Oh, my God, your house is absolutely amazing.

- Did you make that? - I did make it. Do you like strawberries?

I love strawberries.

These are my favorite pieces.

Aren't they fabulous? So mid-century.

I pulled them out of the garbage. Javier hates them.

But you know what?

- If I had bought these these at Brimfield.

- Are you getting bit? - It's your cologne.

How much longer till we get to the part of the tour where there's a bar?

Do you need mustard for your hot dogs?

Javi, where's the mustard?

Actually, I'd love a drink.

Oh, where are my manners? I'm sorry.

- I can't believe I didn't get you a drink. - Judy's not shy.

Well, what would you like?

- Do you have any alcohol? - Lots.

- I'll have that. - Oh, my soul mate.

Come inside.

I'll show you the kitchen renovations we did.

Hi, Ed. How are you?

This is James. This is Chris's friends.

Oh, it's Judy.

Ed just moved in next door.

He's an architect from the city.

Sorry, they love me.

It's part of the charm of this place.

- Is it? - Yeah.

Thanks.

It used to be marshlands until maybe a hundred years ago.

And then they built a dam, and now it's all cranberry bogs.

I like cranberry, though, so I was happy about it.

Thanksgiving is, like, my favorite holiday.

- Oh, really? - Yeah. You a fan.

I like the cranberry sauce, not the family part of Thanksgiving.

Oh, I don't agree.

- So I've really got into birdwatching lately.

Now, I haven't spotted one yet.

- So, it's more like bird hearing.

- Wait, did you hear that?

- I hear there's bald eagles around here so I've been listening for a bald eagles,

so then I can see it.

You know, we're very glad that Chris has moved down here.

I think him and Shawn make such a good pair, don't you think?

Yeah.

I mean, it must be so hard dating in New York.

I know so many guys that just move down here and immediately

get snatched up like that.

Yeah, I don't really follow heteronormative dating patterns,

so I couldn't tell you.

I feel like all the gay guys I know in relationships are pretty miserable.

Have you tried any of this?

Yeah, it was delicious.

Yeah, it looks amazing.

I have to get the recipe for this.

What is it?

It's just Sara Lee with cool whip and berries on top.

OK, well, the presentation is gorgeous.

Would you excuse me?

Yeah, sure.

- Hi. - Hey.

You left me.

Oh, I'm sorry. Shawn is going to get us some water.

Do you want some?

You know, I would love another one of those bourbon iced tea thingys.

Why don't you have some water?

Bourbon. Thanks.

Sure.

Sure thing.

Thank you.

What the fuck?

You just left me in there with, Mr. Personality.

What? He's sweet.

He's boring.

Well, Javi and Brad thought that you two might hit it off.

You're joking.

He's really smart.

He has a great job, and he owns two houses.

Would you fuck him?

Juldy, don't be tacky.

Relationships are about more than sex.

It's kind of a big part of it.

OK, well, if you don't want to talk to him, you don't have to.

They just thought...

Thought what? That I want to move out here

and get set up with some boring guy who lives in Philadelphia.

And then what? I'd move out here and live happily ever after like you?

Judy, don't start.

I'm a marsh creature. I live here now.

OK, these are new friends.

Could you please not do that here?

Oh, my God. It's not fucking meth, girl.

I'm sure everybody here has smoked a little weed before.

We've been here for one hour and you're already a mess.

Oh, I am not.

Here we are.

Smells like someone's having a good time.

Thank you. I sure am Shawn, would you like to have a little fun too?

No, thanks. Should we make our way down to the lake?

Yeah, that's a fantastic idea.

Delightful.

- Everything OK? - No.

But we have to allow these neighborhoods to gentrify.

Actually, studies prove it does nothing to promote economic growth.

What's the alternative? To let the neighborhoods rot?

Well, we need legislation.

How? How? It's. It's un-American.

Honestly, it's the same thing we saw in Bushwick and Williamsburg ten years ago.

- You mind taking our photo?

My phones underneath that towel?

I'm sorry. Are you actually trying to compare New York to Philadelphia?

In terms of urban development.

No. Philadelphia, I mean, no offense it's cute, but like...

Well, okay. Hey now.

She's been here one day and already she's an expert.

You've been here a month, girl.

Wait till the honeymoon ends.

Yo!

Judy.

What? You're in the lake. You don't want to get wet?

Why don't you go drink some water?

I'm curious to hear more what you have to about Philadelphia.

Judy.

Well, first of all, I think everyone here is a little overweight and talks funny.

Judy!

- Hey! - Stop being such a cunt.

Uh oh! Here comes Chrissy's friend to expose the cracks

in her carefully manicured reality.

I wouldn't want to ruin another picture of you and "this guy" for the Gram.

- We need to get her out of here. - Yeah.

It's just funny, because I know the real story.

I was there the last time they ended things. You remember what you said?

He said Shawn wasn't good enough.

- Did you know they tried dating before this?

Yeah, twice.

Although, why would you? Cause it's not like Shawn ever posts pictures of Chris.

I hardly post anything on social media.

- Oh, you don't? How noble.

Do you still want your picture?

No!

Yes. You know what?

Get a picture of this!

- No, Judy.

Don't!

Ow! Fuck. It's really shallow here.

OK, it's time to go. You guys, I am so sorry.

You do not have to apologize for me.

Don't touch me.

OK. We need to get you changed,

and we need to get you sobered up,

and we need to leave.

I am so sick and tired of everyone telling me what I need to do,

what I should be doing, to be happy, to be successful, to find my path.

I see the way you look at me.

Thinking I'll be alone forever.

Just some sad, old faggot still dressing up like a woman

and you hate the thought of that

cause, you know it could just as easily be you. And that fucking terrifies you.

Well, you don't have to worry about me, ok?

I like my life the way it is.

It's fucking fabulous.

- Stop.

Go back to your friends.

I'm going to call a car.

You can't get a car out here.

We're in New Jersey.

I want my person back.

When did you start acting like all these people used to make fun of?

Do you think I'm stupid?

You think I don't know what you mean when you say that

you want to take some time off to shift your priorities?

You quit.

You gave up everything, and for what, Shawn?

You gave up your life in New York,

your apartment, your job.

You walked out on me.

You completely derailed my career.

God! Judy!

Get over yourself.

I've never met a more selfish human in my entire life.

You think you're the main character.

You think every decision I make is somehow about you?

It's not.

Every question you ask me,

every underlying thought is somehow,

"But what about me?" Well, you know what, Judy?

It's not about you.

I want you

to be the best version of yourself.

I want you to

have the life that you dream of.

But I'm not responsible for helping you get there.

I'm not responsible for carrying you along the way.

Oh, carrying me?

Carrying me?

Everything that I did, I did for us.

You did nothing but hold me back.

You're delusional.

Well at least you're finally being honest with me.

Judy. Take care of yourself.

Captain wants you passing.

Hey.

Sweetie, the bathroom is a mess.

And you were late on the rent again.

I think we need to have a conversation about this living arrangement.

Yeah.

I agree.

Whoa, duplex.

Yeah, I like it here.

I don't usually host so I'm gonna have to abide by some rules.

Oooh. OK. Let me guess.

No sleepovers.

Yup.

And no fucking on the bed.

Mhm.

Anything else?

That about covers it.

Oh, oh, yes.

Oh, you're handsome.

Get on your knees.

What?

Get on your knees. On the chair.

- Oh, OK. - There you go.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Fuck.

Whoa, whoa.

Yeah, you needed that to take this big dick?

Fuck, yeah.

Yeah, is that what you wanted?

Oh, yeah. I did.

Fuck. So bad.

Fuck, your hole is so tight.

Yeah? Fuck. Tighter than your boyfriend's?

Don't. Don't do that.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were just like...

Shit.

You didn't clean out?

Oh. Fuck. I'm sorry.

Do you have any, like, paper towels or...?

Yeah.

Clean up down here.

I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower.

What are you doing?

There's a ton of cabs on 10th Avenue. You'll be OK getting home?

Yeah.

Bye.

I don't care if you're just answering the phone and taking reservations.

Day starts at 7 a.m. Sharp.

Of course.

Continental Breakfast gets laid out, then you start cleaning the rooms.

There are seven of them, plus staff quarters.

It's not too many, so I'd like to get it all done before noon.

OK, I understand.

Pedro, show you the ropes.

We have mostly gay men who stay here,

you know, so I like the staff to be

presentable and approachable,

but not available.

No drugs, no drinking on premises, and absolutely no bringing boys home.

That won't be an issue.

Well, that's what the last guy said before I fired him.

Luckily, you come highly recommended.

I promise you won't have any issues with me.

Wait, I thought we were supposed to shock the hot tub every day.

I never do that.

Well, you look amazing.

Thirty's not old.

- Uhm. Kind of. - No. It's not.

Well, it's not young.

- Oh! And she would know! - You look great.

I know I do.

Thank you.

Keep smokin' them cigarettes, you'll look as good as me when you're my age.

Shut up!

I can't believe you said that!

I only speak the truth.

Oh. Shit.

Guys.

Are there any rooms open?

Yeah, room number three.

Go.

Perfect. Let's go.

And don't forget to wash the sheets when you're done.

Yeah, we have an open mic night at eight

and you can do whatever you want for five minutes.

Perfect.

That's right.

Ma'am!

As I live and breathe.

Are you doing Showgirls tonight?

It's the last one of the season I wouldn't miss it.

- You know, I'll be rooting for you. - Thank you. I appreciate that.

We need to see you back here next summer.

- You need to have a solo show to yourself. - I'm working on it.

If I get a solo show, am I going to get you on stage with me?

Oh, my God.

Give me a couple of gin rummies

and maybe a Cher song on the radio and I'll think about it.

Ho, we can do that for you.

Oh, my God. OK, you have fun sweetheart.

- Thanks Doll, you have a great day. - Oh, I will.

You look stunning.

Thank you.

Can I steal some of your contour?

Oh, you didn't have to butter me up to ask me that.

- Thank you, I'll bring it right back. - You're welcome.

Just keep it. And next time put it on before you blend your highlighter.

Drag moms are such a drag.

I am not your drag mother.

- Yes, you are.

Hey, could you look up someone on Instagram for me?

- Can you get the app on your phone?

It's not good for me.

- Fine.

It's umm, ChrissySnowKween.

Queen is with a KW?

Is that an ex or something?

It's just someone I thought I saw in town today.

They're private.

OK.

That's fine. Thanks.

How are you guys doing tonight?

Oh, not good enough.

You got to tell me how you're really doing tonight.

Let's hear it right now.

Let's rock it. Hit it.

The musicality! The commitment!

No! Nooo! And scene.

Well that was interesting.

But hey...

Get ready for this brand new act.

She's been working so hard this summer, and I am so proud to have her

I want a big round of applause, please

for the one and only Miss Sweet Lorraine!

Let's hear it!

RYAN LANDRY Sweet Lorraine! Let's hear it!

Sensational!

Sensational. Baby the summer is over. You killed it!

- The summer's yours. - No, you killed it honey you always...

- Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch! - Oh hello. Hi handsome.

- Can I get a picture? - Of course.

You were stunning! Miss Congeniality, though.

Ain't that some shit?

Oh, thank you so much.

Have a night... I love you!

Have a good night.

Not you watching Golden Girls on your last night.

It was "Murder She Wrote".

Well, tonight's the last Fag Bash.

I'm packing.

Mhm. Wasn't it you that told me that people come here to create art, heal...

get into trouble?

That's just what some old queen told me when I was your age.

You're my old queen.

God, I really wish they would put locks on these doors.

I haven't seen you get into any trouble this summer.

You're coming out with me.

It's eleven o'clock!

Get out of bed!

No, no, no! Stop!

You're coming.

Fine.

Yeah.

I hate youth.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

You were fabulous tonight,

Sweet Lorraine.

- I love it. - Thanks.

I wanted to say hi.

You had an entourage.

I saw you on your bike yesterday.

Yeah, I saw you on yours.

I texted Jay and Lucas.

They said you moved up here for the summer.

Yeah,

I took that job at their friend's B&B.

They had an opening this season and it...

It's uhm...

It's been a really great summer.

I can tell.

The stars are so bright.

I know.

Did you go out to celebrate after?

- I went to Fag Bash for a little.

It's actually, it's my last night, so I just wanted to...

take a stroll,

say goodbye to the town. You know.

You headed back to New York?

Mhm. 10 AM ferry.

Me, too.

And then Philly.

Where's Shawn?

He didn't have any vacation days left,

and I just...

needed a weekend.

Nice.

I'm sorry. Am I interrupting? Did you want to just...

No, no, no.

I was...

It's funny, I kind of thought I might find you out here.

Same.

I come out here all the time.

And every time I'm here I think about that night that we were rolling.

And we saw the foxes just playing around on the beach and...

we had convinced ourselves that that fox was, like,

us in some other dimension of reality.

- Like, just frolicking... - Judy!

- Oh, my God.

Hi.

- Do you think that's the same little guy?

Look, I have been thinking about you

a lot, and

I'm sorry...

for cutting you off there, I just...

No, I...

I deserved it.

I was awful.

- No, even before the lake house,

I didn't handle things well at all with the move and with leaving you.

It's, really, it's... it's fine.

I think...

I think being apart has been really good for me.

It seems like it.

So what's next?

I have no idea.

Scary.

Hey. Girl...

I don't know either.

I'm starting to realize.

I think it's just...

always going to be that way.

I was going to walk out a little bit,

maybe stay up and watch the sun rise, if you wanted to...

I think I just want to go back to my room and call Shawn and... crash.

Yeah. OK.

I'm really glad I got to see you.

Me too.

Ladies and gentleman here again, Sweet Lorraine.