Original subtitles

(VOICES CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

(EXCLAIMING INDISTINCTLY)

(SHUSHING)

ALL: Happy birthday!

(SCREAMS)

Gosh, this is the best birthday ever.

We haven't done anything yet.

I thought as a special treat tonight we could watch your favourite film.

-Wizard of Oz! -Yeah.

Dorothy.

Now come on, let's get on with it, shall we?

ALL: (SINGING) ♪♪ Happy birthday to you

♪♪ Happy birthday to you

♪♪ Happy birthday dear Kitty

♪♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪

-Morning. -Morning. It's Kitty's birthday.

Yeah, I heard.

She's 200 and...

(LAUGHS) Come on.

-What? -Julian said...

-Sorry, he's the one with no trousers. -Yeah, I know which one he is.

Well, he just said... No, I know there's more to you than that.

Are you sure you need a cake?

Because you can't eat it.

-Okay. Sorry. What was I saying? -Forget it.

Well, what?

I just wish I knew what you and your mates were saying, sometimes.

-They're not my mates. -"Not my mates?"

Okay, but you'd have to fall out of a window, bang your head.

And I can say it from experience that...

No, I'm not saying we're not mates.

Just... Yes, I know.

That is what I said. It's not what I meant, but...

No, we're not more than mates, Thomas, either.

Because he obviously... Of course we're mates.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

That brings our meeting to a close.

I have a quick announcement.

We don't know whether we'll be back in the church hall next week

so we can check the website on the meetings for details.

Thanks, everyone.

(ALL CLAPPING)

That was certainly more interesting than the knitting group.

Gary's story was so sad.

Mary, we're supposed to be anonymous, we're not allowed to say Gary.

-(GASPS) -Well, it's not going to leave this house, is it?

He's not a proper alcoholic anyway.

He only drinks beer.

Yeah.

As long as you've got your seat belt on, you can have three pints.

-Vanessa, on the other hand... -Well, she's clearly drinking

because the husband's fornicating with the neighbour.

I mean, what is the point of a bunch of people

sitting around telling each other their problems?

I think they're very brave.

What's brave about talking?

Talkies can be very dangerous.

ROBIN: No way.

There no Zumba today.

-Nonsense. -I wanna work on my core.

How long is this going to go on for, do you think?

I mean, how long does it take to fix a church hall roof?

Hopefully a while, because we're getting paid.

Some of the delinquent's coming through these days.

There was a group yesterday. People addicted to the act.

You don't have to be there, you know.

Oh, believe me, I don't want to be,

but you know, someone's got to keep an eye on things,

or goodness knows where this will end.

Well, there's a life drawing class later.

You might want to avoid that one.

Oh, I will. What time?

(EXHALES)

Did you get a Whatsapp?

No. I messaged Lucy last night.

She still hasn't replied.

I would have replied straight way.

Yeah. I just want to go out and put it all behind us.

Now, I wish I could go out with you.

Sisters going out together.

I was invited to a ball once with my sister,

but there was an incident.

Mmm.

I've noticed, you often talk about your sister.

And it seems like maybe...

(CLEARS THROAT)

Kitty, there's a balloon upstairs.

-Balloon. -Balloon.

Not you, Robin.

-I want to see balloon. -There is no balloon.

Okay, what was that about?

Cannot have escaped your attention

that Kitty's sister was not as nice as Kitty would like to remember.

She was a horrible wench.

Real cow. Not a real cow.

We just think it's best not to rock the boat.

Yes. If she realized the truth, goodness knows how it would affect her.

I mean, do you remember how she reacted when they cleared out her old teddy bear.

(CRIES) No!

Bunty Bear! (SOBS)

-(ROBIN GRUNTS) -I mean, she cried for a week.

Was it only a week? Seemed longer.

-So just don't ever talk about it? -Mmm-hmm.

Let her lock it up?

-Yeah. -It's actually really good to talk about things.

I know it might seem alien to you, but to my generation

-talking about our problems... -It's not the talking.

It's the crying.

Well...

-(PHONE RINGING) -Ooh!

Aw!

Hello, yeah, speaking,

(GHOSTS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

ALISON: You'd have to fall out the window and bang your head.

Nah.

"Your cats can see ghosts."

(SCOFFS)

MAN ON VIDEO: People will tell you you're crazy.

But if you believe in ghosts at all,

is it really so crazy to believe

that certain people are able to communicate with them?

-And I believe... -ALISON: Come on, keep the noise down.

-If you've found yourself here on my website... -Not crazy at all.

ALISON: Yes, I know.

(GROANS)

There was no balloon.

Oh. Well, you never know.

Maybe later.

Er, Kitty,

you do know that if you ever wanted to share anything with me,

you know, you can.

Like yogurt?

Erm, no, because you can't share yogurt with me, can you?

-Oh, yes. -Yeah, I meant sharing your thoughts.

Like, you were starting to tell me about your sister and a ball.

Yes, I was.

Yeah, you often mention your sister.

Yes, we were very close.

She was terribly pretty and terribly nice.

A bit like you, actually.

Kitty, what an absolutely splendid house of cards.

It's taken me hours.

You're so talented.

And so pretty.

Goodness. Thank you, Elly.

You are the kindest sister in the world.

Oh.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, no.

Oh, a gust of wind must have blown it down.

How simply awful, dear sister.

Never mind.

KITTY: It was then we were summoned by our strict old governess.

Girls...

Your father wants to see you in his library.

-Quick quick. -(GASPS)

KITTY: Father was very formal.

He liked to be in charge and to be respected.

But he was very kind of heart.

Ah, girls.

My dear girls.

Now, since you have both come of age,

I've decided to get my affairs in order.

As you know,

your dear mother and I raised you equally as our own,

and I have continued to do the same ever since she passed.

I just wanted you to know that,

-in the event of my death... -(GASPS)

...I have given you equal inheritance, as I'm sure you would expect.

BOTH: Yes, Father.

Now, in happier matters,

we have been invited to a ball.

(EXCLAIMS) Oh!

It is to be held by Lord Baumanbach

whose balls are the most magnificent in the county.

I rather think it's time that you ventured out into society, don't you?

Oh, yes.

My goodness.

Yes!

And I'm delighted to be sharing this moment

-equally with my sister as equals. -(GIGGLES)

If anything, I wish she could have more inheritance than I.

No, you should have more than I.

-(GIGGLES) -Girls. Girls.

Well, I suppose, I mean, I wouldn't want to,

but perhaps I should...

Since I am her true daughter.

ALISON: Kitty, Kitty.

It's fine to explore this, you know.

-It's important to be honest about... -What's going on?

Nothing.

-Kitty's just sharing some memories and I'm listening. -(GHOSTS CLAMOURING)

Well, I hardly think it's fair to single out Kitty now, is it?

Well, quite.

Well, do you have something you'd like to share?

No.

I once stole a key ring from the gift shop at the Amberley Chalk Pits.

Goodness gracious.

Well, we all did stuff like that when we were kids.

-I was 36, Alison. -Ah.

I put it on my keys

to see what it would look like with my other key rings

from the Wensleydale Creamery in Huddersfield Town.

And then I had to take Duncan Meech to the toilet.

After he'd done his business,

we were 12 minutes behind schedule, so we had to run to the bus.

And it was only when I put my keys in the ignition,

I realized what I'd done, but we couldn't stop

because we had to get home by 4:00 for parents pick-up.

-Well, I would never have had you down for a thief. -Mmm.

Would it have mattered to be a few minutes late?

Well, then that would have just thrown the whole day out of whack.

You scheduled your whole day?

Oh, yes. It's the best way to make use of your time.

-Quite right. -6:30,

wake, ablutions.

Seven o'clock, breakfast, read paper.

Seven thirty, shower with a show tune.

Something from Annie or Guys and Dolls.

(GROANS)

Nine thirty, a chapter of Sharp, cocoa on bed.

Didn't you ever do anything spontaneous?

Like unplanned?

Yeah, that's it, Sheriff.

You watch out, don't get stuck in that ring road.

MAN ON RADIO: Oh, I'll turn on the toll road.

Nah, it's a big turn from...

-CAROL: Pat, Pat, love? -(MAN CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

Stand by, Sheriff.

What is it, petal?

CAROL: I was just thinking about that new Italian on the high street.

I thought we could try it tonight.

Friday night's fish and chips night, Carol.

CAROL: How about Wednesday then?

Shepherd's pie night? Are you mad?

CAROL: Okay, I might go to Bingo, then.

Okay, love.

This is the Big Bad Butcherman come alive.

(STATIC BUZZING)

Go for the Big Bad Butcherman.

Oh, my God.

What did I do?

I drove her into Morris's arms.

I mean, literally, I gave her a lift to Bingo.

You've had quite a breakthrough there, Pat.

Well done.

Kitty, will you?

Oh, hello. We're doing this, are we?

Fine. I'll go first.

(CLEARS THROAT)

My name is Julian Fawcett

and I've been sober now for 27 years,

three months and 11 days.

No, that's not what we...

Hold on. Isn't that just how long you've been dead?

That's a technicality.

You can't take credit for not drinking when you can't drink.

I've been sober for over 27 years.

And you can't take that away from me.

Okay, well done, Julian. We're very proud of you.

Yeah, well, thanks, actually.

(ALL CLAPPING)

Well, before you got here, Kitty was actually sharing something.

Yes, about when I was invited to a ball.

Oh, you don't have to tell.

(ALL AGREEING)

That's all right. I want to.

I remember the day before the ball,

my father gave a little party.

Everyone was there.

Father Matthews enjoying the wine as usual.

She told me in confession.

KITTY: And enjoying the company of my aunts Iris and Betty.

I'm afraid just this morning I saw her with a new pig.

Er, want some?

Hey, are you trying to get me tipsy?

-There you go. -Oh, you are saucy!

-Isn't he saucy? -I am saucy.

KITTY: And two gentlemen who had come from town to do business with Father.

(LAUGHING)

Will you be attending the ball?

He certainly shall.

I do hope to be on your dance card, Lady Katherine, if I may.

Why, of course you may. (CHUCKLES)

I'm so excited about tomorrow evening.

I can hardly contain it.

What are you doing, Kitty?

I'm going to look at my dress.

It's very late.

I know, but I just want to see it and dream about wearing it.

(GASPS)

My goodness. What has happened?

My dress.

You poor thing!

Those beastly moths!

At least they've left yours.

That's lucky.

Yes.

(SOBBING)

Moths.

The moths.

There, there. Dry your eyes, my child.

I have just the thing.

I can't believe it.

It's beautiful.

She would have been very happy to see you wear it.

It is even better than mine.

Thank you, moths.

Well...

What is it, Eleanor?

Would it not be more appropriate that I should wear it.

She was my mother, after all.

Oh, well, that's very good thinking of your father.

Those greedy moths.

(ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Kitty...

Do you think it was a coincidence that your sister...

Yes, well, it's funny, isn't it, how things work out sometimes.

Was there something you wanted to share?

Well... Erm...

I'm, er...

I'm...

Unable to think of anything that would merit sharing.

Perhaps, Thomas.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Here we go.

I remember one night in my cot in the nursery,

hands clenched around the bars of my prison.

Crying, crying out for mother.

Imagine being a baby and knowing your mother isn't coming.

-She's gone forever. -Oh, Thomas.

I had no idea you lost your mother so young.

Oh, no. She came eventually, and she fed me,

and she cuddled me and sung me a lullaby.

But the damage was done.

The seed was sown.

She was there. But she wasn't really there, you see.

And yes, she gave me allowance. Ample allowance.

And she did make introductions for me

with publishers in London, but she never really believed in my work.

She hung it up in frames about the house as though it were mere decoration.

My mother had her face bitten off by wolf in front of me.

So, you know how I feel?

-Still nothing? -No.

I know that she read it last night because there's two blue ticks.

Mmm.

-What's that? -Just a smoothie.

-What's in it? -Berries.

And stuff.

Can I have some?

No, cos...

(GULPING)

It's, er...

(GROANS)

It's all gone, so...

(BURPS)

Yeah, I can make another one, if you like.

Sure.

(GASPS)

(BURPS)

All right, what's next?

FANNY: So let me get this clear.

She was your sister and the two of you...

Right, where were we?

Ugh, Fanny want to know everything.

No, not at all.

I couldn't care less, actually. This is your enterprise, Alison.

Thank you.

Erm, well, I was just going to ask Kitty...

JULIAN: About the dreams.

-Erm... No. -That's what shrinks do, isn't it?

Interpret your dreams like the messages from your subconscious, or something.

Well, some people do think you can learn from dreams, yeah.

I mean, I have this dream where I take my daughter to the zoo,

but when we get to the ticket booth,

the ticket person is Samantha Fox.

She tells me, I can come in for free.

Yeah, so she leads me in and then boom,

I'm alone in this pen.

My daughter's gone.

Good luck working that one out.

(LAUGHING)

Maybe you feel guilty

that your affair separated you from your daughter.

Oh, right.

-I have dreams. -Strap in.

Same one every night.

I'm working in the field digging up the carrots

when in the distance, I see a man.

His eyes and his mouth are wide open and he's pointing at me.

And then I feel something moving in my hand and I look down.

It is the carrot.

They have become like new-born babes crying

and squirming their roots around my fingers.

And I look back up.

And now, very slowly the man comes towards me.

But he does not walk, his feet stay together,

dragging through the soil and still he's pointed at me.

And I try to breathe in to scream, but I cannot,

and my mouth fills with dirt.

And now the land's on fire and that's when I wake up.

Yeah, sorry, Mary, I don't think I can help with that one.

Okay, never mind.

Can we blow balloon now?

Kitty, did you want to tell us what happened at the ball?

Oh, yes.

Actually, I've got to...

(ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

(SHUSHING)

Let her speak.

Well, it was just more and more bad luck.

Look, Katherine, oysters for breakfast.

It is a special occasion, after all.

And they're lovely and warm.

-They are. -Aren't you having one?

Oh, I've already had mine downstairs.

I couldn't wait.

KITTY: They were delicious.

But I must have had a sensitive tummy

-from all the excitement because I was very sick. -(RETCHES)

Oh, you poor thing.

It's all right. In fact...

(RETCHES)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

ELEANOR: Kitty, are you all right in there?

If anything, I actually feel better than before.

-ELEANOR: Are you sure? -Yes, I feel cleansed and refreshed.

ELEANOR: Oh, I am pleased.

(SINGING) ♪♪ We're going to a ball

♪♪ We're going to... ♪♪

El? El?

Eleanor?

The door won't open.

Eleanor?

That this my solemn oath be clear

for all the quiet souls to hear.

I know this power cannot be unsaid,

I open my eyes to the plain of the dead.

(EXHALES)

Hi.

Hi. Are they here?

-Yeah. -Okay.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Even after Carruthers let me out

the wait for the ball seemed to take forever.

So, to pass the time,

we decided to play one of our games, which are always such fun.

Eleanor let me go first.

I can't see a thing.

That's the idea, silly.

Round you go.

(LAUGHING)

ELEANOR: Over here.

(LAUGHING)

Over here.

(GASPS)

ELEANOR: Oh!

(GASPS)

Mamma.

My goodness, Kitty.

ELEANOR: Papa.

KITTY: I couldn't believe it.

I was so upset.

The bust was usually on a high shelf.

Perhaps the maid had brought it down to clean it.

No, she knew it was never to be touched.

Or perhaps Father had decided to rearrange the room.

But now that I'm saying it out loud...

Now that I'm really talking about it...

Perhaps...

She wanted me to break it.

She wanted father to be angry.

She wanted to stop me from going to the ball.

It was a mean thing to do.

So very mean.

Oh, well, at least she was nice the rest of the time.

ALL: Oh, yeah.

(ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Oh...

It's you.

I can totally see you.

I thought it hadn't worked. Isn't it...

Isn't it weird that I'm talking to you?

Yeah, it is a bit.

Where are the others?

They're probably on their way.

We don't start for another five minutes.

Are you doing a group thing?

Well, I guess I'm gonna be seeing a lot more of you.

Yeah, you are.

Yeah, I know. Yeah.

CAPTAIN: Well, it's been very interesting listening to you all share.

And, er...

Yes, perhaps there is something I'd like to share.

Oh, it's art class.

I lost track of the time.

Right, well, perhaps another time then.

-Food club time. -(ROBIN GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT)

Or, you know, maybe we should do something completely spontaneous.

You know, why not? Why don't we go outside

and dance around a tree just for the hell of it?

Huh? Huh?

No, but it's food club at 1:00.

Yeah, you're right. It is food club, isn't it?

Art class. (SCOFFS)

Absolutely nothing of interest for me here.

Didn't you say you had been drinking champagne the day you died?

-Of course. Why? -Well, you stay how you died.

So you haven't been sober for 27 years.

You've been tipsy for 27 years.

My God, you're right.

I suppose, thinking about it,

it was the dream death.

Booze, bit of rumpy-pumpy and out.

(CHUCKLING)

There are worse ways to go, eh?

ROBIN: Hey guys, come quick.

Balloon.

How wonderful.

Surprise!

I want like these on my birthday.

Oh, I don't think I could afford that many balloons, Robin, sorry.

(MOBILE CHIMES)

Oh, I thought it would be Lucy.

Okay, so it looks like they fixed the roof on the hall.

No more Zumba?

ALISON: Sorry, Robin.

And well, no more sordid life stories or whatever you call them.

(GASPS)

What is it?

I'm an addict, Alison.

I'm addicted to gossip, to other people's problems,

the worse, the better, to distract me from my own concerns.

But you know all about that anyway.

Well...

Isn't that what you've been doing all day digging around

in Kitty's relationship with her sister to take your mind off your own one?

(MOBILE VIBRATING)

ALISON: Yes.

Good. You're alone.

Listen, you know, you asked about that drink?

-Oh the smoothie. -Except it wasn't a smoothie.

It's a real life potion.

I found this spiritualist online and they had these mad instructions to follow

and I can see ghosts.

-Can he? -I saw the man with no trousers upstairs.

And I'm going to go find the others and see them with my own eyes.

-(EXCITEDLY) Ah! -Erm, Mike...

MIKE: I'm gonna see the caveman.

That guy needs help.

Mmm.

(CARROTS SCREAMING)

(GASPS)

I had Mary's dream.

I'm glad I can't see them.

GHOSTS: I had Mary's dream! MALE GHOST: Me too!

(SIGHS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)