Original subtitles

Do you guys wanna hear my valedictorian speech?

You're in fifth grade. Who's the commencement speaker?

[imitating Buzz Lightyear] Buzz Lightyear?

You know, it's a big day for the fam.

I mean, you're valedictorian,

and I was voted second-tallest in my class.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, that's your dad to take you to school. Go finish getting ready.

I told you Jimmy's back in town for her graduation.

[grunts]

Babe, huge news.

Oh, what happened?

Did you finally beat that level in Zelda you've been stuck on for years?

Sit, sit, sit. Oh, hang on. Where's your dad?

I want him to hear this too.

[high-pitched] He's not here.

I can see you.

[huffs] So what's the big news, Jimmy?

I have been asked to replace the bass player for the Foo Fighters.

I have been enlisted to fight the Foo. [chuckles]

What? Get out of here!

You heard her. Go on. Get.

Okay, we're talking a two-year tour.

Europe, Asia, North and South America.

Oh, my God. This is a huge step up from North and South Dakota.

[Jimmy chuckles]

Didn't we have a little discussion about you improving yourself,

you know, and making a big change?

I did change my life. I'm gonna be successful.

[Jimmy chuckles]

This is our dream. It's gonna change our family's lives.

- [exhales sharply] - What's happening?

Is that a key?

I got us an amazing rental.

It's got a yard, a pool, and they're throwing in the gnomes.

Gnomes!

It's literally everything we've always talked about.

Plus, it's near your dad, so... [stammer] ...you know, we can all be together.

I'm just a big gnome on this.

Will you and the kids move back in with me?

I don't know what to say, so I'll just go with...

[babbles]

Okay. Uh, not no. [chuckles]

You take your time, all right? I'm gonna go tell the kids.

Can you believe this?

It's everything Jimmy and I always talked about.

Yeah, it's great. Good for you guys.

This could be a game changer for us. Maybe he deserves another chance?

Well, if you're asking me--

I mean, we'd have more money and stability.

That might solve some of our problems, right?

- Well, if it were up to me-- - And the kids would love

being back together as a family, but is this what I want?

Are you gonna help or not?

Well, it's not my decision to make.

You know what's best for you and your kids,

so I'm like Switzerland here.

They have universal health care and a female president.

That's your Switzerland. My Switzerland hides money from the IRS.

[sighs, groans]

[? theme music playing]

[car door thuds]

- What the hell? - Oopsie.

Oopsie? You don't say "oopsie" unless you drop a daiquiri.

Not when you mutilate somebody's favorite child.

Look at this.

I'm looking. I don't see anything.

And it's a car, it's not your kid.

I know it's not my kid. This car would never disappoint me.

That's gonna cost some money.

Gee, if only we knew someone who owned a garage.

It's not a garage. It's a restoration shop.

Perfect. You can "restorate" that invisible dent for free.

Or if you're looking for a car from this century,

CarMax has some good options.

This isn't that simple.

This can cost a lot of money. You're gonna pay for it.

Has anyone told you you are very controlling?

Because you invade my space. Like right now you're way too close to me.

Do you think I hit your car just to flirt with you?

So, you admit you hit my car.

Okay, you know what? You should try some breath work.

You inhale for four. You hold for three--

How about you kiss my ass for ten?

[smacks lips] Aw, who's flirting with who now?

Klatch now.

Jimmy is going on tour with the Foo Fighters.

The Foo Fighters? [scoffs]

Never heard of 'em.

He got us a house.

He wants us to get back together and move in with him.

- So, what are you gonna do? - If I knew, I wouldn't be asking

two single mechanics for relationship advice.

I mean, is getting back together the right thing?

It's not. He sucks.

We're talking about Jimmy, right?

Oh, so you think I should leave him for good?

I'm not part of this decision.

[laughs]

Oh, you really not.

Can you believe what Eve did to my car?

Look at the size of this dent. Look. Right there.

Honestly, um, I'm still trying to find it.

[Matt sighs]

[Matt] It's right there. I can't believe you guys can't see it.

It's a huge dent. It starts off small like that.

You know, you guys don't care. You're all fired.

He's really freaking out about you leaving.

Is he? He refuses to tell me what he thinks.

Well, how else are you gonna do the total opposite of what he says?

What are you talking about?

Obviously, you got daddy issues.

Me?

Well, he's definitely not talking about me 'cause I love my daddy-Matty.

Come on. You know you spent your whole life

making decisions to piss him off.

Remember when he wanted you to join the Girl Scouts?

You joined the Democratic Party.

This is what Jimmy and I always wanted, so why is my head spinning?

Not in a good way, like after two days at Coachella.

[through clenched teeth] 'Cause he sucks.

I mean, for the first time, he can actually support me and the kids.

Is that a reason to stay with somebody?

Man, I stayed with a girl for a whole year 'cause she had ad-free Hulu.

Just trust yourself.

- Trust myself? [groans] That sounds awful. - Okay, then trust me.

You're amazing and you deserve everything you want.

And... Oh, how can I put this?

Oh, yeah. Jimmy sucks.

So, about you crushing on Riley.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Come on, man. You're my best friend. I know you.

I'm your best friend?

I love you, man.

I knew I was going to regret saying that.

Hey, Riley. Oh...

Oh. Sorry, 2:00 p.m. yoga-booty ballet is full.

Ah, funny. Here it is. It's the bill for the car.

Oh, I've been thinking, I'm... I'm willing to pay. What? Not this much.

Classic car. Yeah, little problems turn into big problems.

[inhales sharply]

Oh...

Now I get it.

- This is about Riley maybe leaving. - [Matt groans]

This is misplaced anger.

I don't misplace anger or anything else.

I have a fountain pen from the Bicentennial celebration, 1976.

George Washington this way,

turn it upside down, he's flipping Jimmy Carter the bird.

Where's Riley?

I told her to take the day and think.

I don't know what she's so conflicted about.

She should just dump his sorry ass. Men never change.

My ex, never changed.

Yeah. Now who's got misplaced anger?

Not me.

So, you think she should stay with him?

It's not my decision to make.

Riley can make that decision. She's a smart woman.

I'm sorry, did you just say "smart" and "woman" in the same sentence

and "it's not your decision to make"?

I know that's probably a lot to take in. So, maybe a little breath work.

[breathing deeply]

- Hey, Riley. - Hey.

Dude, where's my car?

It's done. Matt's out back.

Gabe, are you ever gonna tell her?

- Tell her what? - How you really feel.

You know what? She might go back to Jimmy, and you're gonna miss your shot.

It's not the right time. And stop rewatching The Notebook.

You need to watch The Notebook.

- This is my car? - That's right.

Finally done here. Stainless steel exhaust.

I got all-wheel disc brakes, new paint job,

fewer original parts than the Kardashians.

Wow.

- It's beautiful. - Yeah.

Wait. Is this your way of telling me I should go?

- What? - You want me to leave

and go back with Jimmy,

but you feel guilty saying it, so you spruced up my car instead.

I never said any of that.

So, you think I should stay?

It's your life. You know what's best for you.

That's weird hearing that out loud.

You've always shoved your opinions on me.

[imitating Matt] "Training wheels make you soft."

Yeah.

"Raisin cookies are an abomination."

Don't get me started on raisin cookies. They look like chocolate chips.

They fool you. So screw raisins.

And by the way, if I told you to stay with Jimmy

and you're miserable, you'd blame me.

If I told you not to stay with Jimmy and you missed him, you'd blame me.

No, I wouldn't, so just tell me.

Not gonna happen. This is your life. You know what's best for you.

Thanks a lot.

[Matt] You forgot you're already at work, didn't you?

[doorbell rings]

That's your dad to take you to dinner. Go wash up.

Wait, um... [smacks lips] ...are you guys happy here?

Yeah, we love it here.

Yeah, Grandpa's a... character.

Would you be happier if we were all living as a family with dad?

I guess. We love dad too.

But don't make your decision based on us.

You need to be happy. We're not gonna live with you forever.

Well, I'm not.

[doorbell rings]

- Sorry. - Ah, it's all good.

I'm used to being not wanted here.

Kids want pizza. Well, Georgia wants smoked carpaccio.

She's got the palate of a Russian oligarch.

What, you're not coming? Come on, it's my treat.

[chuckles] Can you believe I'm saying that?

I can't. [chuckles]

Oh, man. We did it, Riles.

What we've been working for since we were kids.

The dream came true.

Well, your dream, Jimmy.

No, no, no. It's our dream.

My dream is to finish one bath without a kid banging on the door yelling,

"I gotta whiz."

I stopped dreaming long ago

'cause I had to work to support our family.

I never had the chance to even think about what I wanted.

[stammers] Look, I know. This has been a rough road for us.

But this can be a fresh start. I mean, we can be happy.

[inhales sharply] Yeah, you're right.

I do wanna be happy.

And that means I need a fresh start.

Hey, there you go.

Wait.

You keep saying "I."

I've been so confused, but now I realize.

Staying together would be the safe thing for me.

The less scary thing, but... [sighs] ...it's not the right thing.

What are you saying?

You having more fame and money won't change the problems we have.

And the kids have a stable home here,

and as crazy as it is, I'm happy here too.

I'm sorry, but I... I think this is over.

- Now, hold on-- - No.

I know it is.

If you want a divorce, you're gonna need to say it.

I want a divorce.

Wow. That really rolled off your tongue.

Hey. Where's Georgia and Carter?

Jimmy took them to pizza. They'll be back soon.

Okay, good. Um... [exhales sharply]

- Are you okay? - No, I'm not okay.

Listen, um, I don't want you guys to leave, okay?

- What? - There, I said it.

I'm not gonna say it again. You know, I-I didn't want to say anything

'cause I don't wanna affect your decision.

But for the record, this is the first time in forever

that I've loved having kids in this house.

Hurtful, but okay.

Carter is so optimistic, it's infectious to me.

And Georgia, boy, that girl is smart.

To be honest with you, a little bit too smart.

It keeps me up late at night.

I gave Jimmy the divorce papers.

[sighs] So I said all those nice things for nothing.

No backsies. And it... it wasn't that nice.

H-How are your kids with this?

They're okay.

They're excited to visit him on tour.

I think it's gonna be okay.

It's crazy.

Fifteen years ago, I sat here

telling you I was leaving home to be with Jimmy.

And tonight, I told Jimmy I was leaving him

to stay back at home with you.

My 18-year-old daughter got pregnant, left home.

And now my 34-year-old daughter is back living with me.

Every parent's dream.

- [knocks on door] - [Riley groans]

Don't care. Coming in.

Why knock if you don't respect it?

That's the advantage of having it be your own home.

You can open any door whenever you want.

Although it didn't work out so well when I walked in on Carter. [groans]

What's up?

I don't know. I'm just thinking about everything with Jimmy.

Oh. Have you changed your mind about this?

No. No, no, no. I just... It's just all so much.

I mean, who am I now?

What do I wanna do with my life?

Could I pull off bangs?

Remember when your mom tried bangs? She looked like Julius Caesar.

- I thought this is what you wanted. - It is what I want.

I just... [sighs] I don't really know who I am without being unhappy with Jimmy,

or rebelling against you.

Now it's up to me to decide what I want. I just... I have... have no clue.

How about being the daughter that pays her own bills?

I'm scared, Dad. I have to start over. This is real now.

Yeah. Hey, this is weird.

You know, I slept in this bed after your mom died

because I really didn't want to sleep in our bed

and I was... [stammers] ...literally lost, you know?

So, how did you pick yourself back up?

I got out of bed. I went back to work.

And then, you know, I got out of bed.

- I'm telling you to get out of bed. - I got it.

Then I worked at it step-by-step.

Got things together, you know, and eventually became happy.

Then you guys showed up.

Look, you're strong. You can do this.

Get out of bed and go to work.

- Eve gave me the day off. - Do you guys ever have a day on?

I'm sure this is the last place you want to be on your day off,

but it'll just take a minute.

Oh, no worries.

Just looking forward to that cocktail you promised me.

The liquid lobotomy.

[all] Surprise! [whooping]

What is going on?

Is this an intervention?

If it is, I don't think you're supposed to have a bartender.

[Eve] No.

We all wanted to come together and celebrate this new chapter

and let you know that we are all here for you,

anything you need.

That is so sweet. I do need dental insurance.

Absolutely not, Miss Skittles-for-breakfast.

Tonight is about moving forward,

so no to wallowing and yes to swallowing.

That came out wrong. [chuckles]

[? dance music plays]

Wait, if you're here, who's at home yelling at the TV?

Riley, you know I record the news.

So, you know, you're on your way to being single like these folks.

What do you think?

Um, I don't know. How's it going for you?

Mmm...

Not a fan.

Yeah, it sucks.

Well, now it's a party.

[Riley laughs]

Everything okay? You're not yelling at anyone.

Uh, I think my stress went on tour with the Foo Fighters.

I probably overreacted today with the car, so I'm gonna pay for all those damages.

What is happening?

Were you visited by the three Christmas spirits last night?

Either way, I... I accept your apology.

I didn't apologize. I just said I'd pay for the damages.

Apology accepted.

Stitch, I want to sing "Espresso."

It's not karaoke.

Uh, you've got a mic. I've got drinks. It's karaoke.

Solid logic.

Speaking of espresso, maybe we should get you a coffee or a water.

Uh, sure, if your name is Jesus and you're going to turn it into wine.

Just saying, maybe we should call it a night and get you home.

Party pooper! Pooper of parties!

Just so you know, it's 10:30.

P.M.? [scoffs] Momma's gotta get to bed.

- [? "Espresso" playing] - Right after Stitch plays "Espresso."

? Now he's thinkin' 'bout me every night, oh ?

? Is it that sweet? I guess so ?

Oh, God. Hope whoever invented high heels died a slow death.

Stupid gravity.

- Let's, uh, get you to the couch. - Oh.

- You're the best, Gabe. - Thank you.

- Has your dad ever said that? - [sighs]

No, I mean the best-best.

Like, why hasn't some girl snatched you up yet?

I don't know. I guess, uh, the right one hasn't come along.

Well, whenever you meet her, she's gonna be one lucky-ducky.

[chuckles] Whoever you end up with will be one fortunate... ferret.

[chuckles] You're adorable.

- Shut up. - You shut up.

You're sweet, you're funny.

Easy on the peepers.

- Sorry, I just-- - No, don't be sorry.

I, uh... I think you're awesome too. Okay?

Like, everything about you, but, you know, you're my friend,

and, uh, you just got out of a thing,

and, um, if we were ever gonna happen,

I want it to be the right time.

'Cause I care about you too much to lose you.

Hey, Eve?

Eve, I appreciate what you did for Riley tonight,

although I doubt she'll remember it tomorrow.

If I had a nickel for every party I can't remember,

I'd have... I have no idea. I can't remember.

Also, you were right.

That tracks. About what?

Maybe I was trying to get your attention by tapping your car.

Sounds like something I would do.

Well, next time, you might wanna ding the door of a shrink. [chuckles]

- So we good? - Yeah, we're good.

Hmm...

[engine revs]

I loved your valedictorian speech.

That was the longest you've gone without making fun of me.

Who do you think "the dorks I'm leaving behind" was referring to?

- And the clock resets. - [Matt chuckles]

You did such a great job with the car. It's such a big change.

Yeah, thanks.

I heard you come home last night. Did you have fun?

Yeah, I did. I did. Glad I stayed.

So you and Eve seemed to get along pretty well last night.

Oh, my God. Did you get in a fight with her?

I wouldn't call it that.

Come on. Punch it.

[tires screech]

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