Original subtitles

[screams]

Science is a fragment of [indistinct].

There is no bottle.

We will never submit to the glass.

Sounds like the natives are getting restless.

Political incorrectness aside,

this bottle is ready to blow its load.

Sexual incorrectness aside, I beg to differ.

Protests are a sign of a healthy society,

democracy at work by shining the healing

light of musical theater on this brainiac problem.

I believe Metropolis now faces a very bright future.

[rumbling]

[gasping]

[Bane] Everyone relax.

No need for panic.

[explosions]

[Bane] Okay, time for panic.

Thank God, y'all are safe.

I just saw the office manager eating one of the interns.

Was it Jake or Tom?

I don't know.

Faith was gone.

Damn it! The cannibals got no face.

Daddy, are we all gonna die?

-No. -Yes.

My God, have I misjudged?

Is it possible that the best way to combat galactic evil

is not through musical theater?

Lex, you like?

-I'm thinking of using it- -To reupholster the throne.

Brilliant idea, Lena.

-Bold like you. -Oh, Lex.

Why didn't we have this kind of relationship sooner?

Because Lex is a dick.

Harl, what are you doing?

Pitting them against each other

so we're not stuck in this fucking bottle forever.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Horton Hears a Who

the fuck do you think you're talking about, Harley?

Lex is my brother.

Which is why he will love my big new idea.

Let's rename Metropolis after the person in charge,

Lena-opolis!

Oh, my God, I love that.

Well, what do you think, Lex?

Well, maybe something a little more punchy.

-Like? -Lex-opolis?

You narcissistic-

-You broke my train. -You never stopped-

Am I a genius or what?

I'm going to go with "what"?

Because they're gonna kill us once they stop arguing.

But until then, you can get us

out of this bottle with Frankette.

Did you just see that? She hates me.

Because she thinks you abandoned her

and gave her to Lena.

I didn't abandon her. Lena stole her from me.

She doesn't know that.

Just make up with her,

then get her to push the bottle off the table.

Okay, fine. I will try.

Hey, Frankette, honey, look.

It's Mommy. Hi.

Can you come over here for a second?

Fuck you!

[sighing]

Frankette, honey...

[Brainy] I believe Ivy is having trouble

with her plant baby

Yeah, because she's doing it all wrong.

Hey, Ivy, pretend you don't love her.

That'll get her attention.

Mom, you can't withhold love from a baby.

Worked with you.

Well, that explains a lot.

Hey, Frankette, you know what?

I don't love you anymore.

Fuck you.

That's it. Keep going, Ives.

Yeah, well, you're a bad baby.

All that banging has got my juices flowing,

if you know what I mean,

you lean green sex machine.

Mom, could you let Dad's body get cold

before you fuck the robot?

Daddy named the company LexCorp, not LenaCorp.

Because I'm eldest boy.

And Daddy's favorite.

And the only one who loves you is you.

Apologize for that, you bald piece of shit.

-Apologize right now or I'll- -Do nothing?

Just like you've always done while I've done everything.

Everything.

Yeah? Well, I'll bet you everything

I can make you apologize.

I'll take that bet.

What are you doing?

So this is how it ends.

Stuck in a bottle, tiny, powerless.

And me, let's face it, insane.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Brainy.

You're just in a rut like Harley and Ivy were.

But now look at 'em.

Yeah. I'm never gonna love you.

Never!

Almost there, Ives, keep going.

We just need one more hit.

You know what, Harley? She's just, she hurt herself.

I know, and I hate that.

But we're all gonna be dead

if she doesn't break this bottle.

[sighs] I can't do it, Harley.

It just isn't her problem to solve.

[train whistling]

Frankette, honey. Look. Choo Choos.

Go play with those trains.

Yeah. Go play with the trains, baby girl.

There you go.

[laughing]

You're right. This isn't Frankette's problem to solve.

Tip the bottle.

Tip the bottle, right?

Yes. Tip the bottle.

Tip the bottle.

Tip the bottle.

Mom! Mom! Get over here.

We need your fast ass [stammering] your added weight

That menopause is good for something.

Be right there. Come on, Brainy.

Let's break this glass like a Jewish groom.

But that will make such a mess.

I hope the hell it does.

Because the mess is the point.

The mess is the point?

Yes. What do you think life is?

We're born, we eat, we shit, and then we die.

It's a great big mess.

What a wonderful, great big mess.

The mess is the point?

-Ha, there. -There, what?

What did you just do?

[voice over pa system] Ship collision with Kalu.

Sixteen Earth minutes.

-Total destruction assured. -You set the ship

on a self-destruct course just to make me apologize?

And it sounds like you've got 16 minutes to do it.

You don't have the balls.

Ha! I've waited my entire life to get one up on you.

You think I give a shit about 16 more minutes?

Get over here, Brainy.

We need you.

The mess is the point.

-Hurry up! -Help us.

Just do it, Brainy. Come on. For Mama?

My God, have I been wrong this whole time?

I spent my life trying to perfect everything

when the mess was the point all along.

[laughs hysterically]

The mess is the point.

Mom, you broke Brainiac.

The mess is the point.

What is the point?

It's the mess!

[all] The mess is the point, the mess is the point.

[slow-motion] No!

[all screaming]

[pa system] Ship collision with Kalu in 15 Earth minutes.

Kill them.

[laughing] I do not know if we will live or die,

and yet my mouth is trying to touch my ears.

It's called a smile, Brainy.

It's what happens when you're having fun.

Look out!

Can you get me up there?

I'd vine you but it's a little like, non-organic in here...

Except for...

Whee!

Ooh, those shoes look rich!

Hey, Lena. This is for killing Frank and stealing Frankette

and making her think I abandoned her.

And this is for being related to Lena.

Get ready to get bigger.

I feel like your boobs got bigger.

Huh. We gotta get one of those rays.

Damn, I was finally at my goal weight.

[pa system] Ship collision with Kalu, 14 Earth minutes.

-What did that bitch just say? -Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, what? What are you oh-dearing about?

It appears that Lena must have set the ship

on a collision course with my home planet, Kalu.

Hey, wake up, Lena, and turn off the self-destruct thingy.

Gosh, you really knocked her the fuck out.

So did you. Wow.

Oh, fuck me.

[pa system] Ship collision with Kalu in 13 Earth minutes.

Great. Now turn off that self-destruct.

So you and I can get turned on, if you know what I mean.

[Harley, Ivy] We know what you mean.

I can turn off the self-destruct, but I will not.

[all grumbling]

The old Brainiac would have tried to fix the mess.

But as Sharon pointed out, the mess is the point.

So I will not.

-Thank you, Sharon. -Thanks, Sharon.

[pa system] Ship collision with Kalu, 12 Earth minutes.

Oh, God. Oh, God! Oh, God.

Okay. Hey, Brainiac.

Remember that musical about yourself that you loved?

Oh, indeed.

It was as if I was looking at myself in a mirror.

Right. So I think you should turn off the self-destruct

just like you did at the end of the musical.

Did I? I have no idea how it ends.

Because, Frank, the plant got killed during intermission.

Yes, well, it ended super great for Brainiac.

Fix the all-of-us-are-gonna-die thing, just like you did

in the musical.

[gasps]

I think you are lying.

If you are telling the truth, I will do as you ask.

Let me speak to the playwright.

[snorts] Pretty fancy word for Bane.

I can't stop myself.

I can't stop myself.

Shark, calm down.

I can't.

Is there anything you can do to control your son?

There probably is,

but I refuse to be a speed bump to his creativity.

He's going to Juilliard.

Bane, Bane.

He speaks.

Holy shit. Was that...?

You'd better answer him.

Go for Bane.

I would like to know how Brainiac, The Tragedy of-

The Musical, ends.

-Tragically, of course. -No! Not tragically.

Because the brainiac character turned off the self-destruct.

Remember? Which is what

this guy right here promised to do

but only if that's what he did at the end of the musical.

Which is why you need to tell him that.

So he saves our fucking lives,

got it, Bane?

Yeah, but that's not how it ends. Remember the song-

-Bane! -Sing it, please.

Abso-tukley!

[vocalizing]

Shut up!

I want to hear Bane.

Let me hear them pipes.

[vocalizing] Power down!

? My work here is dumb It was a failure ?

? Perfection is not fun ?

Wait for it.

? So power down ?

? You're fucked up in every way ?

? Work, family, friends, you've made made them rue the day ?

And here's where it gets happy.

? So power down, you metal piece of shit ?

Fuck! Do something, quick.

? Down down then turn that down all around ?

? Because you got more work to do ?

? Like saving me and Ivy and Frankette, too ?

-? And Sharon ? -? And Sharon ?

Excuse me.

That is not how the song goes.

-Well, shit. -Great job, Bane.

Well, that is the end.

It is, as Bane said, a tragedy.

[Coco chittering]

[Coco continues chittering]

Why, Coco, you have come to see me off on my final journey.

Fuck! He's back to the dead monkey.

Oh, and Vril, too.

You've grown. How I have missed you.

Now the dead kid, which only leaves...

Why, you came.

Which is more than I can say

for the last time we shared files.

Hey, Brainy, focus.

-Hey, buddy, buddy! -Focus on reality.

You hear me?

Let us all have dinner once again as a family.

Father, did you notice that I beat the Tetrominos game?

Indeed I did, and I am very proud.

Even though I failed the other times?

I am even more proud of those.

Perfection is boring.

I prefer a good old mess, don't you?

-I love you, Father. -And I you, son.

[chittering]

What is that, Coco?

Harley and the others are in trouble?

Indeed they are.

Unlike us, they are fragile and cannot live on only in memory.

You must help them, Father.

They helped you, Did they not, Vril?

-Yes, Father. Help them. -[chittering]

Well said, Coco.

You articulated it better than I ever could.

I will be right back.

I left the table to tell you there is an escape pod.

Escape pod?

This will show you the way.

I have programmed it to take you home.

Thank you for showing me how it ends.

Well, let's go.

Good job grabbing all those cities, Ivy.

You know, I had a little help.

You're very welcome, Ivy.

I meant Frankette.

[Brainiac] Goodbye, Harley Quinn.

And goodbye to you, too.

I have enjoyed our time together,

and the fact that it was short makes it all the sweeter.

They are on their way.

And now I shall be on mine.

It is time to power down.

Home at last.

Shit. Where am I gonna live now?

What? With your father gone, I got to think about my future.

You girls don't want to know a broad like me around.

Brainiac was my last hope for someone to take care of me.

Mom, you don't need some sugar robot to do that.

You'll come live with us.

Wait. What?

I accept. I'm living with my daughter,

her husband-lady and my grand plant.

Like I always wanted.

Ha ha, look at that mouth on her.

She gets that from me.

Hey, I'm so sorry, baby.

I know that Mommy said some really mean stuff before,

but I would never...

Oh, Frankette, I love you.

Love you.

[alarm blaring]

Shit! Shit, shit, shit.

[alarm blaring]

[all exclaiming]

This is cool. I'm a spaceman.

[imitates gunshots]

How much air do you think is in this body?

[sighing] Not enough.

My God, I always thought Harley Quinn was invincible.

What a shitty time to find out I was wrong.

Wait a moment.

[beeping]

[giggling]

[gasping]

[all gasping]

How's my little grand plant doing that?

That's what plants do, Sharon.

-They make oxygen. -Yeah, Mom.

Don't waste air with stupid questions.

[both coughing]

She can't do it anymore.

That's okay, sweetie.

This might be it, Ives.

[alarm blaring]

Harley, what do you want for dinner?

Well, we had Thai last night.

How about pizza?

Pizza's perfect.

Frankette, have you ever had pizza?

Well, we're gonna have pizza tonight.

-Pizza! -Sound good, Mom?

Pizza sounds great, and the company's even better.

I just never thought it would end like this.

So far from home.

Well, my home is wherever you are, peanut.

[exhales deeply]

[all gasping]

My Morse code is a little rusty,

but it sure is nice to be needed again.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

Fucking finally.

[whooping, laughing]

You better put that tongue back in your mouth, young lady,

before I wash it out with soap.

[blows raspberry] Fuck you!

That's it. Where's the Dove?

[burping]

We wouldn't be in this digestive system

if it weren't for you.

You wouldn't even be alive if Dad had bagged it

like I told him to.

Isn't it sweet how our kiddos have become such close friends?

Wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend?

Ew, can't stop my puke.

I think that's enough of that talk for today.

Clark. I'm at a friend's house right now.

I miss you, too.

Jesus, I'll be there soon. Stop being so needy.

I just really thought Lena and I had a chance.

I was even getting ready to spring the question.

Wanna have a schmitz and talk about it?

Not really.

I was asking if that was the question.

Yowza!

Hello, gents. I'm Batman.

You're not Batman.

I thought I had that super serious,

gravelly voice down perfectly.

I absolutely love your new old place.

Knowing Cyborg, man, this must have cost you a a fortune.

Nah, it was a steal.

Yeah, she means that literally.

-We stole it from him. -Everything old is new again.

My redampened clay and the fresh spring in your steps.

I mean, he's right. Why did we ever think we were in a rut?

We have everything.

[laughing]

-[all laughing] -Cheers!

Yeah, we sure do.

And also a beautiful new view.

Wait a minute. Was Metropolis always right there?

You're welcome.

I mean, Supermen did a lot of the heavy lifting,

but, you know, he needed a little encouragement.

A little encouragement is what they're gonna need

once he gets them out of these bottles.

Can you imagine how psycho they'll be after all this time?

Yeah. Too bad we don't have

a world class psychiatrist to help them.

Sounds like we're back in business.

Damn straight.

I love you so much, peanut.

I love you too, Ives.

So you want to go fuck shit up?

You had me at "Wanna go fuck?"

Let's go!

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