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♪ Fools rush in
where angels fear to tread ♪

♪ And so I come to you, my love,
my heart above my head ♪

♪ Though I see
the danger there ♪

♪ If there's a chance for me

♪ Then I don't care

♪ Fools rush in
where wise men never go ♪

♪ But wise men never fall in
love ♪

♪ so how are they to
know? ♪

♪ When we met,
I felt my life begin ♪

♪ So open up your heart
and let this fool rush in ♪

♪ Fools rush in
where wise men never go ♪

♪ But wise men never fall in
love, so how are they to know? ♪

♪ When we met,
I felt my life begin ♪

♪ So open up your heart
and let this fool rush in ♪

Watch the frickin' gifts!
Watch.

- Alright.
- "Frickin"?

- She said frickin'.
- Okay.

Hey, Len, watch.
You're gonna get

this shrimpy water
all over my coat.

You know what?
Just pretend like

you're driving your family
in the car.

Mom, not everybody
is a bad driver, okay?

Some people, like, go places

'cause they have interests.
They do things.

Look, I'm not gonna let you
ride with your friends, okay?

- I just don't get why.
- I'm just not gonna do it.

It doesn't make any sense.

It's legal.

It's not like
I'm committing a crime.

Andy, uh, you're
my eyes back there.

Keep a lookout
for those freaks, okay?

I swear this neighborhood
sometimes is like a freak show.

I think this is the year
I'm gonna put a-a-a bazooka

on top of the car.

- Kaboom!
- Ow! Ugh.

- Kaboom!
- You -- You fricked up my hair.

You got it, honey.
It's gonna be a hell of a night.

Hell of a night.

Hey, how's my, uh --
my extended family face?

- ♪ Open up your heart and let
- It's very good.

- Keep your eyes on the road.
- Okay.

♪ This fool rush in

I have interests.

♪ Just open up your heart

Here comes the tunnel.

♪ This fool rush in

♪ Well, open up your heart
and let this fool rush in ♪

You ready, buddy?

Here we go. The old house.

Duck and cover.

- Hi!
- Hello.

Hey! How are you?

- Hi.
- Hi.

♪ You know that once upon
a time, I didn't need you so ♪

♪ It would have been so easy
then for me to turn and go ♪

Oh, look at you!

♪ But now there's no leaving
you, I know that for a fact ♪

♪ I'm at the point
of no return ♪

♪ And for me
there'll be no turning back ♪

Alright, let's move
everybody inside.

Close the door.

- I closed the door.
- The heat's going out.

- Everybody go inside.
- Move us in. Move us in.

Ugh. Twisted my ankle
in the damn divot

- in the front lawn.
- Divot?

Lenny boy, let's get you a
drink.

Yeah.

Divot? I don't know
if it's a hole in the ground.

- Hey, Ron.
- Lenny, buddy.

- Stirring the pot?
- How you doing?

Hopefully that's the only pot
you'll be stirring tonight.

Hey, Lenny.

I think you'll appreciate
what I did with the green beans.

Oh, yeah.

Blanched.

Gonna be a good year
coming up.

Hey!

Hi, Mom.

- Hi, Kathleen.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.
- How are you?

- I'm fine.
- Yeah?

- And you?
- Trust me.

It's good to see you.
I haven't seen you in a while.

Yeah. Well,

alright. I'm gonna
go find a place for this.

All the ducks in a row?

Yeah, sure.

If some of the ducks
jump into the pond

a little early?

Is what it's.

Anyway, huh?

Exactly.

I think we're in
a optimal selling zone, as well.

Anyway, I want to wish you
and your wife and children

a very merry Christmas.

Oh, you're not married?
Well, never mind.

I got a whole chicken nugget
stuck in my braces.

36 or 37, Shelter Rock Road

or Huntington or something.

But that's always a spot where
it thinks it can save you time,

and then it's just
a total wild goose chase.

It's like half a mile
on the service road back --

- Hey!
- Hey!

Lenny, hey, where's your drink?

- It's, uh --
- You look fantastic.

Thanks. It's, uh --
It's the cane. I got a new one.

Yeah. Yeah. I see your point.

The black with a gold band
really suits you.

- Hey, Ray.
- Yeah.

You see all
the hors d'oeuvres here?

- Merry Christmas, guys.
- Merry Christmas.

Salami sticks again
this year, Ray?

Excuse me.

Mmm. They're a hit, Matty.

- What's this, Ray?
- Huh?

I'm gonna go put this
under the tree for you.

No, no, no, no, no! That's some
boring business stuff for work.

I got it.

Emily, get over here.
We have business.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, love.
You look beautiful.

Oh, my goodness.
You look like a magazine.

Oh, I used to look like
a magazine.

- Now I'm about to be a grandma.
- Don't say that. You look great.

Honey, put those gifts
by the tree.

- How about it?
- Okay, I'm gonna make you one.

Try to relax.

You've been top of your class.

So you can't stress about it.

It's so hard.

Think of other things,
other things you want to study.

Ugh.

- I need a lot more.
- When my kids were little?

- Uh-huh?
- I would never let them

out of my sight. Never.

And I fill it to the gizzard
with onions and garlic

and thyme and sausage.

And then my hand's buttered.
Right?

I massage the whole thing.

Almost like I'm --

Almost like I'm shampooing
someone's head, hmm?

They protect us, but you never,
ever want those police

to bring home your kids the way
they did Brucey.

Oh, yeah, I liked it.

- Hey, Gram.
- Very old-fashioned school.

Very old-fashioned.

- Hi, sweetheart. How are you?
- Good.

- That's my beautiful girl.
- Thank you.

- You didn't say that about me.
- I know, I know.

People are crazy.
Oh, my God. They're so crazy.

- I know.
- Right?

Yeah, honestly, I just -- Oh.

- She's such a pain in the ass.
- They all are.

I know, but I would be
so happy if you could,

like, work a little bit
of your magic on her,

because you know
what she needs right now

- is a little bit of magic.
- Well --

So that she could
turn her life around,

because otherwise --

Ugh, God, you're so cold
from outside.

- Yeah.
- Freezing, right?

- Yeah.
- Well, I did hear

it's just the right temperature
to wander around.

Yeah. Well,
what are you going to do?

You know, wintertime. It's here.
It's here.

Look at my kids,

- I have no magic.
- Why? Your kids are lovely.

Not even in this pinky finger.

- So are yours. So are yours.
- Used to be,

when she was this big.
What's happening? Where's Timmy?

- They're all grown now.
- He's sick! Oh, no!

You're gonna blink,
you're gonna blink,

- and they're gonna be grown.
- I know, I know.

So enjoy every minute.

Alright. We're gonna
go find Timmy.

Timmy's sick! Timmy's sick!
Timmy's sick! Hurry!

- Where are we going?
- Timmy's sick! Timmy's sick!

- Timmy's sick?
- Timmy's sick! Come on!

Timmy's sick again.

- Timmy's sick!
- Okay.

Hurry! Timmy's sick.

♪ Wherever he may go

♪ There isn't an ocean
too deep ♪

♪ A mountain so high
it can keep, keep me away ♪

♪ Away from my love

You know what he tells me?

"No can do, Dad.
I have a mission scheduled."

A mission?

That's right.

- What's the mission?
- How the hell should I know?

It's classified?

I mean, sometimes
he has the door closed.

You know,
I think he's onto something.

He's sticking to his guns.

This could be important.

This could be handy.

Look, everything's gonna be
remote control one day, right?

- Absolutely.
- So it might be a good idea

to have one of our own
behind the wheel.

Huh?

'Cause it's always been
about protecting a fort, right?

Since the early people,
survival of the fist.

It's always been that way
and always will be, right?

- Survival of the fist?
- Yeah.

The kid's locked in a room
for 14 hours a day

- playing video games.
- Come on, Matty,

cut him some slack, will you?

It's what kids do now.
They don't fight.

- They -- They type.
- Exactly.

Can one of you goombas
fix the Roomba?

♪ I would climb
the highest mountain ♪

♪ And I'd tear down the moon

♪ These are the things,
the things I'd do for you ♪

♪ I would change November
showers to red roses in June ♪

♪ These are the things,
the things I'd do for you ♪

Stop.

- It's me!
- Hey!

- Aw, I gotta go.
- No.

Later! Not yet!

What the heck happened
to your face?

Yo, yo, yo. Go to your right.

- No, your other right.
- Grab that.

- No.
- Oh, yes.

Told you I could beat you.

Flank them. Flank them.

Oh, no.

Come on, baby, come on.

Baby, baby.

Baby.

Baby.

Oh, bro. They thought
they had a chance.

What does flank mean?

You know... get them.

Oh.

Whoa, someone down there.
Someone down there.

- No.
- On me, on me.

Oh, there you are.
Oh. Oh, shoot. Oh.

I see them!

Oh, my God.

Terrorists win.

Democracy fallen.

Five-minute respawn. Forget it.

You just got squiggled, dude.

I know. Hey, you want to play?

Me? Is it easy?

Yeah. I could just get this
unranked game here.

Not that bad.

Yo, where's Dragonfire?

I didn't have him.
Nico had him.

No, I didn't. I wasn't
with him the whole time.

- You had him.
- I can't even carry him.

He's too big.

Forget it. We have to go soon
anyways.

We got to be home for dinner.

Well, where's Dragonfire?

I got it.

Got this, buddy.

Dragonfire.

Dragonfire.

Real funny.

Dragonfire.

Dragonfire.

Lenny, we'll fix the damn
divots, okay?

It's not even a divot.
It's more like a crater.

Now, are you and Matty
drilling for oil or something?

- Oh, God.
- Don't worry. It's an easy fix.

Um, you just put some salt down.

I got a friend
who can do it for pretty cheap.

Lasts 60 years.

60 years?

I can celebrate my 112th
right out there on the sod.

Can you come
turn this music off?

Yeah, Mom,
just give me one sec.

20 minutes. You've been
in there for 20 minutes.

Ugh.

You okay?

You don't get rid of the
police. You keep the police.

Like, what, are they nuts? Huh?

You get rid of the bad guys,
right?

The bad people.
You keep the good, huh?

That -- That's the way it's
always been and always will be.

'Cause if not,
chaos and insurrection.

- Okay, Brucey?
- Yeah!

Brucey, keep an eye
on my masterpiece.

I gotta go do a thing.

I got Bruce the funniest gift.

I cannot wait to see his face.
He's gonna freak.

Just wait.

My dad,

I got him one
of those back scratchers

that you see everywhere.

And have you seen
those prank golf balls,

ones where you hit them and they
explode into a thousand pieces?

- You got him a back scratcher?
- Yeah, a really nice one, too.

So, are we gonna see that boy
you like later?

Greg Falk?

Did you get him anything?

What was I gonna say?

Um... Oh, my mom.

She's the worst to shop for.

I mean, birthdays,
anniversaries, Mother's Day,

it's just --
I mean, it's impossible.

I never know what to get her.

What'd you get yours?

Earrings.

Okay. That's what
I should have done.

Are they pretty?

Not really.

What are you doing
on the computer, Bill?!

♪ Angels live
in skies of blue ♪

♪ Alice comes from heaven, too

♪ Alice from above

♪ Has a face that makes you
want to fall in love ♪

♪ Though I only met her
late last night ♪

Look. What's the solution?

What's the alternative?

Ma is deteriorating
right now, okay?

And she needs
around the clock care.

I've got to get up
at 4:00 in the morning

and take her to the bathroom.

Something's got to be done.

That's why I think Sunrise
is the solution to all this.

Sunrise? Come on, Matty, this
is Mom you're talking about.

You're just gonna send her away?

She's happy. She looks good.

I'm sorry. We can't do that.

Ray, I know she looks happy,

and I know this is all
she's ever known,

but she's deteriorating.
And what happens when she falls

in the middle of the day,
in the middle of the night?

Who's gonna pick her
up off the floor? Bev?

Come on. What is all this
workout equipment for?

- You're strong.
- We all have her best interests

in mind. How long has she been
in that small bedroom, right?

For eight years.
I mean, Matt has done so much,

but there's just a limit
to what he can do.

You know, even
if they don't sell the house --

I mean, it's only a home.

You know, she's gonna need
so much more.

Nobody is selling Ma's house.

Okay, so you know what?

I'll take her in. Yeah.

I'll take her in.
Problem solved.

Alright, Ray,
you're gonna take her.

Ray, you're not taking her.
Nobody's taking her.

- This is my house.
- Why not?

- I don't like Sunrise.
- Let me dumb this down for you.

Who do they have
over there anyway?

Hired hands?

- Mercenaries?
- Okay, please, Ray.

I don't know, I don't know.
It's not gonna be easy.

None of this is gonna be easy.

We just have to work
together as a family.

Instead of arguing about this,
let's come together.

Let's pull it together
and see what we can do.

Let's see what she thinks.

What are you guys, gabbadost?

Get it through
your thick skulls.

This is for her. For her.

Look, she's not gonna
want to go.

Look, obviously she's
not gonna want to go.

But it's scary.

But we have to make
the right decision for her.

Kathleen,
what happened to us

getting a live-in aide?
What -- What happened to that?

Wasn't that a choice
that we were gonna --

- Wasn't that up for conversation?
- A live-in aide?

And who pays for that?
Salary, room and board?

And I gotta have
a stranger living in my house?

You can forget it.
I don't want that here.

Matty, we just
have to give her a chance.

It's very easy
for all you to say

because you don't live with her.
I do. I see it 24/7.

Forget about me.
What about my wife?

She's the one that's gotta
bear the brunt of all of this.

And it's putting a strain
on her.

- That's what -- is for!
- Shut up, Ray!

You don't know what
you're talking about!

Matty, we can't just
push her out.

We're gonna push her
over the deep end.

Hello? That's what
I've been trying to say

for the last half a mile here.

How do we just do that?

Listen, all I'm gonna say
is Sunrise is a great choice.

But till we find
the perfect choice --

And Joe has to be thrilled.

- Oh, yeah.
- Three years without any work.

You know,
she's not a good homebody.

Well, who's a better homebody
than Joe's mom?

Ron?

Ron?

Here I go. Here I go.

Can I do it? Can I do it?

I need to go to the bathroom.

- Okay, buddy.
- Okay, okay.

- Let's go. Let's go.
- I love this guy.

Me, too.

He does so well
for himself, my Ty.

Oh, God bless him.

God bless him is right.
He's in computers.

- Yes.
- More or less.

What do you mean,
more or less?

More. Not less.
Not ever less. More.

- Alright, Ma.
- Ma what?

Ma what?
This is what his ancestors do.

They're excellent at it.
And this is what they do.

And I'm so proud of him.
What do you mean, Ma?

Unbelievable. He's got
two offices, not one, two.

- Two?
- Two.

- Wow.
- And my daughter will say,

alright, Ma.

Eventually, the kids
are gonna move out.

Hopefully they'll
move out, right?

I don't know about Ricky.

I play darts.

Why -- Why couldn't you raise me
to play like a fun sport

like basketball or baseball?

How many sports
did I put you in? You quit.

- You didn't like it.
- I didn't quit.

- Oh, no?
- You took me off the team.

I took you off one team,
soccer,

'cause you embarrassed me
a little bit.

I don't like kicking
the ball.

- What?
- It's -- It --

I'm just so proud of my kids.

I love my family so much.

- Yeah, you can tell.
- You know?

- You should be.
- And it's just --

It's all about family. You know
what I'm saying, Lenny.

Yeah. It's a great family.

It is a great family.
And we love you,

and we love everybody
in this family.

Hey, buddy, thanks a lot.
And I love you guys.

- Appreciate that.
- From the jump.

You guys are great.

Don't worry.
It's all gonna be alright.

Kid's not gonna look like you.

You know, Lenny, I don't think
that's pretty funny.

- Yeah. Anyway --
- I'm teasing you.

And Bev's still talking
about, uh, about selling

maybe, going to the city?

- We've talked about it.
- The house?

Hey, I still think of this as
Grandma's house. Come on.

I'm sure Grandma's gonna
pull herself together.

These things happen in phases,
you know?

The cold is always harder
on an older body.

What do you know about that,
huh, Brucey?

That's how it is.
That's why you got so many

- people moving down to Florida.
- Oh, yeah?

We'll surround her
with some space heaters.

She'll be back on her feet
right away, huh?

That's a start.

Bruce, that makes absolutely
zero sense.

Just wait till springtime.

You'll see. Things
are gonna be fine.

♪ Oh, wind-up doll, everyone
knows ♪

♪ Wind it up and away it goes

♪ It does the things
it's taught to do ♪

♪ I guess I'm kind of
a wind up dolly, too ♪

♪ Wind me up, I really walk

♪ Wind me up, I really talk

♪ Wind me up,
and I'll come straight to you ♪

♪ Take me home,
I'm quite a prize ♪

♪ Wind me up, you'll realize

♪ Just how much
a wind-up doll can do ♪

♪ You can see
what makes me tick ♪

♪ Little springs and gears

♪ I can show you
one more trick ♪

♪ Break my heart,
I'll cry real tears ♪

♪ Wind me up,
my dreams will start ♪

♪ Here's a key,
unlock my heart ♪

♪ Wind-up dolls sometimes
get lonely, too ♪

♪ Wind me up,
I'll fall in love with you ♪

♪ Wind me up,
I'll fall in love ♪

♪ With you

That's Uncle Ron.

That's Uncle Ray right there.

I think that one is Aunt Bev
and Uncle Matthew

right there.

Uh, I don't really know
who that one is on the left.

Again, again.

Uh, that's Cousin Ricky.

That's Grandpa Henry.

- Thank you.
- Yeah. So, Ricky?

- Yeah.
- I got your notes

about the, uh --

You know, I gave your notes
a lot of thought,

and I think you're gonna
like the changes.

- Okay.
- And I got what you meant

about, uh, some of the details
not fitting in.

- Right, right. right, right.
- But, uh,

you know, it's like it's tough
putting it all together again.

- Mm.
- There's, uh,

pieces here and pieces there,
and, uh...

Sometimes I want to say one
thing, and then I'm not sure.

- You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah. Exactly.

But, uh, definitely,
let me know

how it fits together
for you this time.

And, uh, it may not be perfect,

but it's moving in
the right direction.

I love it. It's gotta be
the best chapter so far.

And, um, I, uh --

I don't know, but --
I don't want to jinx it,

but it could be big.

Could be big.
Could be a bestseller.

- You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, definitely.

I'm so excited
to read the next chapter.

- Thank you.
- It's really getting there.

Hey. Huh?
Keep it close, okay?

- Okay. Yeah.
- Let's go!

- It's time, everyone!
- Oh.

- Holy!
- Oh.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, what happened
to the Muppets?

Let's go, Ricky!
Everyone, let's go!

- No, I don't want to go.
- Go ahead. I'll catch up.

- I'll catch up.
- Oh, my gosh.

Come on!

Ugh. Freezing
my "kaiyoons" off!

You know?

I mean, seriously.

Is it coming?

It's not coming, guys!
It's not coming!

- It's not coming!
- Don't lose faith.

Why do I even come here?

Uh, I think
I see something, guys.

- Let's take it out.
- Let just get out of here!

Geez. That's incredible.

Whoo-hoo! Come to Mama Claus!

Let's go!

That's my wife.

- I'm not paying taxes anymore.
- Yeah.

I haven't paid them in the
last eight years. Come on.

- There we go.
- Shocker.

- That's the right idea.
- That's the right idea.

Shocker. You're right, sir.
I'm not shocked.

I'm unemployed.

It's a waste of my time.

It's coming!

I don't know. I'm freezing.

It's here!

He's here!

Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes!

- That was cool.
- That was really good time.

And then they were
just so amazing.

Seeing all those fire people
up there.

It was worth the wait.

No, because she's like, oh,
you made me feel like a bad mom.

Like, I didn't know that.

- Bruce? Bruce.
- What's this? Who?

- Brucey.
- Who is it?

Did you guys see me?

- Oh, it's Brucey.
- Did you see me?

- Was it good?
- Dude!

- Good?
- Dude, that was awesome.

I was on the truck.
I was on the truck,

- and I was dancing.
- That was awesome.

- It was great, right? Yeah.
- Yeah!

I stayed in character
a whole week.

It'll take him forever.

He just wants
that little basement.

That's all he cares about,
that man cave of his.

The old smoking hole.
How could he?

Smoking hole?
That's exactly what it is.

I don't know
what's gonna happen.

All I know is it's time.
Something's gotta be done.

Very proud of you, you know?

Not every family
gets represented in the parade.

Ma still upset
with you not seeing her enough?

Is it that obvious?

Yeah.

Well, it's not easy.
You know, I got the kids.

I got Lenny and his health.

I don't know.
I can't be everywhere at once.

- Tough.
- Yeah.

So you really thinking
about selling the house?

It's already done.

Dear Lord, our Savior,

please bless the food
that is on this table

and the wonderful people
that sit around

who are here to join
for Christmas Eve.

And please, oh,
don't forget those

that are no longer with us,

Cousin Giuseppe, Aunt Mary,

Rosie, Ralph,

Deborah, Maryann, Peter,
John, and all.

Oh, I forgot the other people.

Let me see. Charles.
Carmine. Sebastian.

Sabatino. Angelina.

Ray, remember that time
we went to New Jersey,

and Matty had to pick you up,
your car broke down?

Well, I was telling
my girlfriend that story

the other day because
every time she goes away,

she always packs way too much.

Just like you, Ray.

And she couldn't believe
that you go road tripping

with a couch in your vehicle.

- Who does that?
- Oh, really?

- This guy.
- Yeah, you.

Just you, Ray.

Joe, could you hold this for me?

How long you been with the
Double R, Bill?

Uh, seven years now.

Spring chicken.

The baby.

I'm a baby.

Ty, honey, how's that office
expansion going?

You must be so excited.

It's been a little hectic,
but it's been exciting.

I'm looking forward
to see how we do.

You're gonna do amazing, honey.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Bear in mind,

there's continuous fluctuations
in the market.

And if the business expands too
quickly, it becomes insolvent.

And I've seen them --
Hold on.

And I've seen them when they
just dissolve just like that.

- So just be careful.
- I appreciate that,

but we've got
some safety measures in place

- that should keep us in check.
- Safety measures?

You know how many times
I heard safety measures?

We had the stock market crash
in 1987.

We had safety measures in 2000
with the World Trade Centers.

All I'm trying to say is
just be careful.

If you expand too quickly,
believe me, it can happen.

You'll fail just like that.

Matty, he'll be perfect.
He'll be fine.

Thank you.

This food's delicious.

It was -- It was
an ordeal of nuns.

Anyway, yeah,
and they were giving me --

As soon as they come on, they're
giving me problems about,

they want a discount on account
of their being nuns.

I'm like, I can't do that.

- We don't have that for you.
- What'd you say?

And that's exactly the way
they looked at me, too.

What are you talking about?
I missed that.

And they said that they
would say a prayer for me, too.

Hey.

Got that in my Army days.

Eric,
what do you do for a living?

I run an online web community
for anthro lovers.

For what?

The anthropomorphic
community.

Like people who are animals.

We have forums and chats,
and people post pictures.

40,000 subscribers
as of September.

Yeah, but how much
money is that?

- I'm only in it for the money.
- This guy plays keys.

Yeah, I play keys,
but this guy plays keys. Yeah.

You're so talented, dude.
I don't like to hear you

talk about yourself like that.
Seriously.

No, no. I'm talking about you.

Hey, Bruce.
Do you get paid for your job?

Mm, uh, firefighting?

- Yeah, that's a job.
- It's volunteer.

- Just volunteer.
- You just volunteer?

You don't get nothing?
You must get something.

- Pride.
- Pride.

You don't get any perks
from this stuff?

What's a perk?

Well, sometimes
they take you out to dinner.

- They give you a vacation.
- I've got some dinners.

So you are getting paid.
You just don't report that.

- Take it easy, kid.
- Not the reason you do it.

You do it
'cause you like to help people.

- Right?
- I do like to help people.

- I know you do.
- So when does it start?

- Three weeks.
- Oh. So soon. That's great.

Yeah, it's really just
a secretary position.

It's not worth
all the excitement.

Oh, hey, come on, you know,
you're selling yourself short.

- That's a solid law firm.
- I don't know.

Listen. Look around.

You know, it's a family
of hardened criminals.

We've never had someone
on the other side before.

You know, you're the first.

It's like we're putting
someone on the moon.

Hey, you okay?

Oh. I'm sorry, I'm just --
I was just kidding around.

Yeah, I'm -- I'm fine.

Emily, would you hand me
those rolls?

- Emily.
- What?

Pass me the rolls.

They're close enough to you.

You really want
to spend dinner like this?

Can you pass me
the cranberry sauce?

What is it with you two?
It's not mission impossible.

- We'll show you how it's done.
- Thank you.

Don't help, Matty.

It's very simple.
Don't mention it.

Hey, Matty. I thought you said
you had this place cleaned.

Huh?

What's going on?

Hey, run while you can.

I didn't think about eating
the chicken before my speech.

Let's go, let's go.
We want to hear.

Okay. Hold on.

Yo!

- Thanks, Mom.
- You're welcome.

I like to start with Mom.
She takes care of me so much.

- Yes, she does.
- She changed my diapers

until I was, I don't know,
7 or 8.

I was a late bloomer.

I was a late bloomer.

Mom had to buy so many Pampers

that I thought she
was gonna create a new brand.

She had a brain
about the Pampers.

And, um, you know,
I look forward to this all year.

And, uh, whether it's Christmas
Eve or Easter

or July 4th,
the birth of our country,

um,

I'm always gonna look forward
to the holidays with youse all.

Yes. Yes.

Um, and I'd just like to say,
uh, just a couple more words,

if youse don't mind.
Do you mind?

- No.
- You sure?

- Just keep that nice --
- Today --

Thank you.

- Today --
- You think?

Let me eat those.

- Let him finish.
- Have, you know, have a bite.

Um, today at the parade was,
um, it was something

that I-I keep extremely dear
to my heart.

Um, I look forward to it
very much,

because when I was young,
as Mom knows,

I always wanted to be an actor
and a performer.

And, um, you know,
I gave up on those dreams

when I got into trouble.

But no matter how much
life kicks you when you're down,

you gotta get up.

Because you gotta kick life back
and tell life it's your foot.

It's not its foot.
It's your -- It's your foot.

So, uh, everybody, uh,
pick your glasses up,

- and, um --
- Here's to feet.

I'd like to, uh, say, uh,
our foot, huh?

- Our foot!
- Our foot!

Our foot!

Chin don! Chin don.

- Chin don.
- Chin don!

- Chin don!
- Chin don!

I never eat like this.

Never eat like this. Never.

It's called
the cherry affogato.

Cherry after gato.
Cherry affogato.

- Yeah. Really good.
- Cherry after gato.

That's right.
For you little ones,

it's decaf. I think.
And it's a special dessert

that our family has
been making for over 30 years.

Grandpa Henry used to make
them every Christmas Eve.

- Say thank you.
- Thank you.

Come on, guys, let's go.
Come on.

Hurry, hurry, hurry,
hurry, hurry, hurry!

Oh, this is for Andrew.

Here you go.

Wow. Merry Christmas.

Alright, who's next here?
Who's next?

Where's Joey?
Where's Joey? I can't --

Can you catch it? Can you catch?

Catch.

Wow!

- Very similar.
- Bev.

Thank you, Secret Santa.

- Spit fire over the middle.
- Oh, sure I can.

- Who's next?
- Me!

Nope. Who's next?

- Who's left?
- Oh, wow. Look at that.

- Who's this?
- Mine!

Oh, my God.
Yes, it is, Henrietta.

There you go.

I really love this.

♪ The raindrops
kissed the flower beds ♪

Oh, my God.

Hey, what do you think it is,
bud?

I don't know.

♪ A perfumed "thank you"
they seemed to say ♪

- Uh --
- Oh.

- Oh, my God.
- Ah.

Oh, what's this?

♪ Surely here was charm
beyond compare

♪ To view

Aww, look, Grandma.

♪ Maybe it was just
that I was there ♪

- Is that you?
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

♪ With you

When I had a full head of hair.

♪ The raindrops kissed
the flower beds ♪

Oh, no! It's Matty!

♪ The blossoms raised
their thirsty heads ♪

♪ A perfumed "thank you"
they seemed to say ♪

Aww.

♪ Surely here was charm
beyond compare ♪

Oh, Judy.

Oh, God.

♪ Maybe it was just
that I was there ♪

♪ With you

♪ 'Twas just a garden
in the rain ♪

♪ But then the sun
came out again ♪

- Oh, look at her.
- Oh, it's all over her face.

♪ And sent us happily
on our way ♪

♪ Twas just a garden
in the rain ♪

♪ But then the sun
came out again ♪

♪ And sent us happily
on our way ♪

What did Secret Santa get you?

Hmm? Nothing.
Thank you.

What? She didn't
get you anything?

- No, nothing.
- Thought she, uh --

Oh, God.

Oh!
What a great gift.

Look at that.
I've never seen them like that.

These are three
of my favorite crackers.

Thank you.

What the shit was that?

Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Go, go, go!

That was crazy.

My sneakout was insane.

My mom was passed out,
and my dad was out at work.

I could have rang the doorbell
on the way out if I wanted to,

really.

Oh, Salwen.

Craig Salwen.

Hey.

I think we met
at a bar mitzvah or something,

like years ago.

Ah. Sure we did.

Mine was crazy.
I left my socks inside,

so I had to go back inside,

and I couldn't get the window
open for like two minutes.

- Oh, no.
- I was like shaking.

- Do you feel?
- Oh. Yeah. Wow.

Just kicking and kicking,
you know?

How many times
have you been on the walk?

This is gonna be
year number five.

I can't believe
you keep coming back.

I'm kidding.

I love you guys.
You kidding me?

- Yeah.
- I mean, compared to my family?

- Really?
- Well --

I don't --
I'm waiting for mine.

- This one's mine.
- Wait, where's Emily?

Okay. This is -- This is great.

Hey, Ray. Ray.

You coming with us?

No, no, no.
I'll hang out here for once.

It's too cold out there.

Come on. Come with the family.

No. I'm good.

I was sleeping upstairs.

Put your coat on.

I'm alright, Ron.
Go have some fun.

I'll see you soon.

You always hanging back, Ray.

Alright, suit yourself.
Keep warm.

Alright. Fine.

I missed you.

- Hey, Andrew.
- Yeah?

- Where's Emily?
- She's sleeping.

- She's sleeping?
- Yeah.

- Where?
- In that bedroom.

The bedroom
with no mattress in it?

No, she's at --

Well, she's in the bedroom
to the right of that one.

Oh. Okay.

What are you gonna do?

How come your face
looks like that?

No reason.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Let's go, people.
Time for the walk.

Let's go!

Jesus Christmas.

Alright. Let's go.

What's with the mailbox?

I told you this was
a drug addict neighborhood.

Chaos and insurrection.

♪ Standing on the corner
in my new blue jeans ♪

♪ Dreamin' 'bout the girl
in my limousine ♪

♪ Ev'rybody's talking 'bout

♪ The world's greatest
rock 'n roll band ♪

♪ News boy on the corner
says hold on, kid ♪

♪ What's the use of dreaming
'bout a rich guy's greed? ♪

♪ Get yourself a-boppin'

♪ With the world's greatest
rock 'n roll band ♪

Those guys are totally crazy.

Is he cute?

- Are you insane?
- No, no.

- They're monsters.
- Yeah. You see that tall one?

His name is Splint.

They're all the same height.

He's the one in the middle.

He sold drugs to Graham
that put him in the hospital.

And he's still messed up.

And he, like,
he beat up that little kid.

Like I'm talking
like little kid.

Like he was like
under 4 feet tall.

Screw that guy.

Should we go talk to them?

- Are you crazy?
- I'm joking!

They're failures.

What the heck?

- What is that?
- Uh, lock the doors.

- Yo, yo, what?
- Yeah.

Yo. Yo.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, my God.

Do you see those guys?

- Yes, we saw them.
- They saw you, too.

I think they saw us.

You know, we've been
planning that

for the last like 40 minutes.

That was crazy.
We're like --

We're all like what?
I mean, I knew it was you guys.

Yeah, sure, sure, you do.

Grave diggers!

Oh, my --

- Go, go, go.
- Go, go, go, go, go.

- Dude, come on.
- Go, go, go, go!

What, you don't think they'll
dig up my grandma, do you?

♪ No one else can make me
feel this way but my guy ♪

♪ My guy, my guy, my guy

♪ Let me tell you,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ He makes me lose my mind
almost every night ♪

♪ He makes me feel so fine
when he holds me tight, oh ♪

♪ No one else can make me
feel this way but my guy ♪

♪ My guy, my guy, my guy

♪ Each time we're in a crowd,
he makes me feel so tall ♪

♪ And when we're out alone,
my baby's such a ball, oh ♪

♪ No one else can make me
feel this way but my guy ♪

Ah! Freegans!

I'll catch those freegans.
You'll see.

Friggin' assholes.

No pumpernickel? Huh?

No pumpernickel.

No pumpernickel.

To be 15 again. Am I right?

Yeah.

- Are you done with this?
- Yeah.

Thank you.

- Are you nervous now?
- No.

Are you nervous now?

Yes.

Hey, yo. How we doing?

- Yo.
- What's up, what's up?

- What's up, Greg?
- Good job, man.

Boom.

Yo, Greg. We just found out

that all our dads
are narcissists.

Is your dad a narcissist?

Whoa, whoa. Slow down.
I just sat down.

This kid's already asking
if my dad's a narcissist.

Salwen's been busting
our chains all night?

Hey, yeah, big news.

So, are you
getting out of here later?

- Yeah, in like 20 minutes.
- Alright, cool.

Do you want to maybe,
like, do something?

You and the, uh --
and the kids?

Yeah. Maybe.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Maybe something like that.

I could be convinced.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

That'd be fun.

God. Please
do something about it.

It's illegal. It's my dumpster.

I mean, come on,
that's your job, isn't it?

It's unjust, is what it is.

You want another bagel?

It's literally just
thicker bread.

Yeah.

With an interesting
outer layer.

But that's always
how it happens, you know?

Like, if you would look at
a chart of waste disposal,

there's always a huge spike
right after Christmas.

I mean, the whole thing,
it just makes no sense.

Like, it's just a consumer
obligation at this point.

I get you a gift,
and you throw it out.

You get me a gift,
and I throw it out.

It's just, like,
capitalist propaganda.

- Exactly.
- I'll drink to that.

This one's still wrapped.

- Oh, what is it?
- Earrings or something dumb.

Are you going to open it?

No.

- Are you throwing this out?
- Yeah.

- Ohh!
- Okay, Em!

♪ Wah, wah, wah, waaaaah

- That one is so funny.
- One time when I was like 12,

I took like one horseback
riding lesson,

and my grandma got me
this subscription to, like,

a horseback riding magazine,
you know?

And so it came
like twice a month every month.

And I threw out literally
like every single article.

- Mm.
- Grandmas.

You guys ready? I mean,
I've got the keys in my pocket.

I've got the car out there.

Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

♪ The world's gone mad again

Do it like Daddy!
Do it like Daddy!

Do it like Daddy!

Car equals freedom!

We're never gonna fucking die!

Ha ha!

♪ I dream of peace
in every town ♪

♪ But the world's upside down

You, like, in the basement,
or...?

- No.
- Okay.

I have my own room.

Mm. Wow.
A whole room to yourself. Wow.

To myself. How about you?

Uh, I'm on my own, lone wolf.

That's cool, I like it.

Where we gonna go next?

- Where?
- I don't know.

- Northport?
- Ooh, okay.

This guy means business.

I like the way you think.

I mean,
it's pretty much the city.

Yeah, we should go.
It'd be cool.

That sounds terrible.

Sasha, we know
you're not going.

Wet blanket.

We have to stay awake
for Santa.

Are you gonna get any more?

Yeah, go get some more.

A'ight.

You guys are really
gonna do it?

No.

5-year-olds.

There's no way acting
like that they're gonna get it.

I'm giving it five minutes,
and we walk,

I said, guys, we couldn't
get it. Five minutes.

- Hey, man. Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

Um, great outfit.
Really lovely.

Um, it's really cold outside,

and we were just wondering
if we could,

- like, get in here and --
- Just -- Yeah.

You know, get some, get some --

Oh, I love this.
This is really nice.

I know, it's really nice.

Yeah. Um, yeah.

Um, so this is a big ask,

but we were thinking --

Oh, sorry. I'll do that. Um --

I seriously, actually,

actually, seriously think

that everybody wishes
they had friends like us.

Like, I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding.
This is like, this is --

Holy crap.
Like, this is incredible.

I feel so good right now.
Like, you guys are awesome.

- I love you guys.
- Aww. We love you.

We should we should all try
to get into the same college

and live together.

- Let's get married!
- Yeah, let's get married!

What do you guys think they're
doing in there?

They've been
there for a while.

Be good roommates.

- Yeah. No, but seriously.
- You might need to stop.

If me and Rob break up
before we're like 30,

we're all getting married.
Like, that's it.

That's the thing
that is really nice.

Yeah, well, have a good night
before you change your mind.

No, I think --

Stop. Look like they're like 6.

- Yo!
- What?

No way!

Okay, gentle, now. Gentle.

Oh, I'm gonna take these.

Taxes.

- Oh, my God. Be safe. Please.
- Please.

Thank you.

Let's go! Let's go!

Easy, easy.

- Alright, good job.
- It is pretty impressive.

- I'm not gonna --
- Alright.

You only got it
'cause Michelle was there.

- I don't -- Oh, my God. What?
- Oh!

- Ohh!
- Ohh!

♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

♪ Don we now our gay apparel

♪ Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

- Yay, Brucey!
- Yay!

- Jesus! Jesus!
- Oh!

No, no, no, no, no! Ronnie!

You're drunk. Stop. Ronnie.

Come on. Come on,
calm down, Ronnie.

Come on, calm down.

Stop drinking. Stop. No more.

- Enough!
- Maybe later?

I'm good here.

I'm good. I'm dancing
from the couch. See me?

♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in
a one-horse open sleigh, hey ♪

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

Here you go, Daddy. You just
have a little bit more, okay?

There you go.

Yes, yes, yes.

Think I'm an arsonist?

You don't think I love Ma?

You don't think
I love this family?

Think I'm trying to burn this
house down and be an arsonist?

I'm gonna be a pop-pop soon,
grandfather.

I want to keep
this family together.

5, 6, 7, 8.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

Now that you're over the hill.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells

- Pick up speed.
- ♪ Jingle all the way

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in
a one-horse open sleigh, hey! ♪

♪ Dashing through the snow
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

Come have a drink.
One more drink, just one more.

Come on, honey.
We're tired now.

- It's too much.
- I'm finally getting started.

I'm ready to party
with everybody, please.

- Relax.
- Oh, come on. It's still early.

Come have a --

$10 to tackle
the Christmas tree.

"Hey, wait a minute,

the officer says,

checking the I.D.
with his flashlight.

Isn't this the same fella
who rolled into a ditch

on the I-205 last year?

Yeah, that's him,
says the other one.

His suitcase fell on his head
when we pulled him out."

What are you doing?

"Check if he's still
got a lump."

"Don't touch my head,
he tells -- he tells him."

Jo, what are you doing?

"I'm not that guy.
Just let me go already."

What are you talking about?
Matty?

"Hey, take it easy,
says the one."

Did you write this?

- "Don't you remember us?"
- What is this?

"We remember you.

The whole way home,
he can't shake it.

The -- The mean mugs,
their stinking paws.

A neighbor's light
hits him in the driveway,

and he wants to yell,
that's it! No more.

Get your stinking faces
out of here!"

- Catch a can.
- Come on.

"But he doesn't have
the heart for that."

- Bruce.
- "And he knows where

it didn't start.

So when he goes inside
and throws off his coat..."

- What the hell is this?
- "...he decides it's in here

that he's gotta forget.

He's gotta forget the rooms,
the kitchen,

the dining room, the den.

He's got to forget the
little spaces inside the rooms,

like the -- the cabinets
and the drawers,

and then
the littler things, too,

like tchotchkes,
hinges, and cans."

"But it's --
it's not even a minute before,

and it's all just too hard.

In that blue-looking dark,
he feels every space

that won't be forgot
getting bigger around him

till finally it's like
he's standing in every room

and closet and cupboard

and crawl space
at the same time.

No way out and all alone.

He is all alone.

And when he goes up the stairs,
he ignores the spot

where you could hang a portrait

and a shadow is instead.

He goes up
till he gets to the landing.

And then he's just
got to sit down

like an old man with a body
that's no good

and no breath.

Thinking that's it.

That's it. No more.

And sitting sad like that,
it's like all of a sudden,

all those things in life
that never happened

go past him like footsteps.

They are walking and running
and big and small.

And who gives
how he knows them,

because he knows them
all the same.

Like it's not even up to him,

and they've been there
just as long.

Like a sorry feeling
over his shoulder

or an echo under the carpet.

He curls up and lays
on his side,

waiting or hoping.

And like that he falls asleep.

And it's probably a dream.

It's got to be that."

1800.

I'm done.

I called the police
and nobody's helping me.

It's freezing outside.

You ever think,

Officer Gibson,

about a theoretical situation

in which one officer of the law

were to make a pass

on another officer of the law?

On Christmas?

What I'm trying to say

is there could come up.

a situation in which

one of our force

may make

some sort of advancement

on another member of our force,

whether it be romantic,

intimate,

deeply personal,

or in a downright
sexual capacity.

Did you ever give any thought
to that?

Well, I haven't been
on the force that long.

But if you really
want to know...

yes, I have thought about that.

Right.

I've thought about it
quite a lot.

And I don't think
it would be right.

I agree.

It's a matter of principle.

There would be little

positive outcome

if it happened

like the way you said it.

It's not right.

Yet we still think about it.

That's how the cards fall.

The law,

the human mind, it's not tidy.

I suppose.

♪ Forever won't come easy

♪ It's shepherd's pie

♪ It's shepherd

My hope is
to eventually be out there.

But we've been so busy here
on Long Island

that my main focus has been
to stay right here.

And between us, there's
a lot going on right now.

♪ The spirit of revolution

♪ As it's written
in Revelation ♪

♪ Never goodbye, baby

I don't know.

♪ It'll be

Hey.

Hi.

You want to get
a little messed up?

No.

♪ You know that once upon
a time, I didn't need you so ♪

♪ It would have been so easy
then for me to turn and go ♪

♪ But now there's no leavin'
you, I know that for a fact ♪

♪ I'm at the point
of no return ♪

♪ And for me
there'll be no turning back ♪

♪ I told myself you'd always be
a habit I could break ♪

♪ But now a day without your
kiss would be so hard to take ♪

♪ You just can't get off a train
that's moving down the track ♪

♪ I'm at the point
of no return ♪

♪ And for me
there'll be no turning back ♪

Gotcha!

♪ Once I could have
said goodbye ♪

Oh! I found you, you brat!

Thief!

Catch her!

Go! Oh, my God.

Slow.

♪ Or maybe you'll be true

Do something!

I want justice!

Try that one.

There you go.

That one's good.

I hear these sounds
like dogs barking,

and I know they're here.

And I'm just sick of it.

- Just dead sick of it.
- Yeah.

It's Christmas Eve,

night of angels.

Go get her.

Come on. Go get her.

I don't know
what they're thinking,

just like lowlifes
coming out here

- and just driving us all crazy.
- Okay.

- I keep hearing these sounds.
- Yeah.

Every single day,
I hear the noise.

If they're there,
if they're not, I still hear it.

It's just unbelievable.

I'm just so sick of it.

Yo, guys.

I'm ecstatic right now.

It's been 9,

10 years since
we graduated from high school.

That means this is
our 10-year reunion.

And there's something
about this cop car

that makes me think of
being at that 10-year reunion.

I can smell it.

We're going to clean up good
for this one, boys.

Suits, ties, socks,
the whole nine.

I can't wait to see everyone,
man.

God bless them.

And us.

Everyone.

♪ Have I ever told you

♪ How good it feels
to hold you? ♪

♪ It isn't easy to explain

♪ And though I'm really trying

♪ I think I may start crying

♪ My heart can't wait
another day ♪

♪ When you kiss me,
I've just got to say ♪

- ♪ Baby, I love you
- ♪ Come on, baby

- ♪ Baby, I love you
- ♪ Ooh-whee, baby

♪ Baby, I love only you

♪ I can't live without you

♪ I love everything about you

♪ I can't help it
if I feel this way ♪

♪ Oh, I'm so glad I found you

♪ I want my arms around you

♪ I love to hear you
call my name ♪

♪ Oh, tell me
that you feel the same ♪

- ♪ Baby, I love you
- ♪ Come on, baby

- ♪ Baby, I love you
- ♪ Ooh-whee, baby

♪ Baby, I love only you

- ♪ Come on, baby
- ♪ Baby, I love you

- ♪ Come on, baby
- ♪ Baby, I love you

- ♪ Ooh-whee, baby
- ♪ Baby, I love you

- ♪ Come on, baby
- ♪ Baby, I love you

- ♪ Ooh-whee, baby
- ♪ Baby, I love you

♪ Baby, I love you

♪ Baby, I love you

♪ Angels live
in skies of blue ♪

♪ Alice comes from heaven, too

♪ Whoa, Alice from above

♪ Has a face that makes you
want to fall in love ♪

♪ Though I only met her
late last night ♪

♪ Love never felt so right

♪ Alice comes from up above

♪ Strange as it may seem

♪ Right before me was the girl
in all my dreams ♪

♪ Now I know that I can't let

♪ Can't wait to tell her so

♪ Tell her so

♪ Maybe it's her golden hair

♪ Maybe it's her perfect smile

♪ Baby, if you say you care

♪ I'll show you

♪ I'll make it all worthwhile

♪ Alice from above

♪ Has a face that makes you
want to fall in love ♪

♪ Though I only met her
late last night ♪

♪ Love never felt

♪ So right

♪ Alice comes from up above