Original subtitles

Once upon a time, there was a typical American girl...

Who happened to bump into a typical red-blooded American boy.

And she bumped into him, and bumped into him.

So they decided they'd better sit down and talk this over

before they had an accident.

They became good friends.

They found they had a lot of interests in common.

Radio.

Television.

Trains.

And when the boy found the girl attractive, desirable, irresistible,

he did what any red-blooded American boy would do:

He asked her to marry him.

They had a typical wedding...

Went on a typical honeymoon, in a typical bridal suite.

Except...

It So happens that this girl is a witch.

Every young girl needs love and romance.

There's one thing she doesn't need.

Mother, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here? What are you doing here?

I'm married. I Know.

Let you out of my sight for one moment...

Hold onto me, and we'll be home before you can say--

I Don't want to go.

I was afraid of that.

He has you under a spell, eh?

Oh...

These male witches are the worst kind. He's not a witch.

What?

He happens to be, if you'll excuse the expression,

a hormal, mortal human being.

Oh, Well, that's easy. I'll just have him trip over arug and break an arm.

Mother, you'll leave him alone.

He's a dear, sweet, wonderful, perfectly marvellous man.

Oh, my poor baby. He sounds simply horrible.

Out of the way, Samantha, I'll get you out of here.

I'm not going. Really?

How would you like to spend your wedding night with a bullfrog?

Don't you understand? I'm happy with him.

Don't talk to your mother like that. I'll tell you when you're happy.

Uh-oh. He's coming in. I'll take care of that.

Easy now. Oh...

I'm not going to hurt him.

Must be the champagne.

May I have my key please?

Mother, you've got to get out of here.

Even witchcraft can't keep him out there all night.

It's our honeymoon.

I Don't know where you get it. Must be from your father.

Certainly not from my side of the family.

Mother, he's coming in, and you're going out.

Oh, no, I'm not. Oh, yes, you are.

One reorey ickery Ann, phillison follison, Nicholas, John

you are kidding.

I've never been more serious in my life.

One reorey ickery Ann, phillison follison, Nicholas, John

queevy, quavy, English Navy stickum, stackum, buck

b-u-c-k spelis "buck" and out goes you

Well, you naughty, naughty little witch. Please?

No.

You're still very young and inexperienced.

You don't know what prejudice you'll run into.

And they all think that witches work only one day a year, on Halloween.

And we all wear those big ugly hats and fly around on brooms.

What if he finds out you're a witch?

I'm going to tell him. You're going to tell him?

I Don't think married people should have secrets from one another.

When are you going to tell him? As soon as you leave.

That should solve everything.

You'll be home before you know it.

Mother.

Good.

The strangest things have been happening. I took one glass

of champagne, and suddenly I found myself...

Sweetheart, let's sit down and talk.

What?

You're a what? I'm a witch.

That's wonderful. We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Now. I am a witch.

A real house-haunting, broom-riding, cauldron-stirring witch.

It must be the champagne.

It's been a hectic day for both of us. This getting married is not as easy as it looks.

Would I say I was a witch if I'm not?

I Don't know. I have an aunt who thinks she's a lighthouse,

and whenever it rains, she insists on climbing on the garage roof to warn the sailors.

How do you know she isn't a lighthouse?

Huh?

Well, maybe you're the one that's looking at a lighthouse and thinks you're seeing an old lady

on a garage roof. Okay, okay, okay.

My aunt is a lighthouse, and you're a witch.

You don't believe me.

Okay, if you're a witch, where's your black hat and broom, and how come you're out

when it isn't even Halloween? Mother was right, you're prejudiced.

You told me your mother was in India.

She is, but she dropped in oh me this evening.

Here? Yes.

Is she here now? No.

Good,

because I Don't care for even an invisible mother-in-law

along on my honeymoon.

I guess I'll just have to prove to you that I'm a witch.

That's a good idea. Prove it.

I wasn't gonna do any more witchcraft, for your sake.

I'm from Missouri. You know what that means?

What? Show me.

I'm not very experienced at it. Well, you're young yet.

I can only do little things. A little thing will be just fine.

Just any old little thing.

I have yet to see a table lighter that works.

Just once, I would like to see--

Sweetheart, we all imagine things.

Now, I myself--

you may not believe this, but--

Sweetheart, um...

I need some air.

I wish I had a drink.

An old-fashioned.

And a straw.

You're a witch.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Darling, are you all right?

No. No, I'm not all right.

Darrin, I suppose I shouldn't have married you, but I love you So much.

I love you too, but I hadn't figured on this.

I'll make you a good wife, I promise.

This is not something like somebody who just thinks they're a lighthouse.

Oh, Darrin...

I love you So much.

We've got to figure this out...

Later.

And if you can't talk to your best friend, who can you talk to?

I Know all about marriage. That's why I'm a bachelor.

That's my problem, Dave. The sea of matrimony is beset

with hidden shoals and reefs. Just found out Samantha's a witch.

And it takes tolerance and understanding to find the channel of true love.

1 didn't believe it until she started moving things around.

Marriage is a partnership, where two people, side by side,

face life's obstacles together. I can't tell my family.

If two people love each other, really love each other, it'll work out.

I have enough trouble getting my aunt down off the garage roof when it's raining.

Adjustment, that is the foundation upon which every lasting marriage is built. Adjust.

Of course, it might have certain advantages, like if you wanted a drink in a dry state.

Well, I gotta go. Listen, if you ever need any help or advice again, just feel free to call on me.

Doc, we've been friends for a long time.

I Don't know if you can help me or not, but I just had to bring this problem to you.

Darrin, that's what i'm here for. Just tell me what's bothering you.

I'm married to a witch. A real live house-haunting, broom-riding,

cauldron-stirring, card-carrying witch.

You came to me for advice. I'll give you some.

Now that you've had your honeymoon, why don't you take a vacation.

Al...

My wife is a witch.

Cheer up. You should see my wife.

And I've gone over it and over it in my mind.

And I've come to a decision.

I love you, and I can't give you up.

Oh, darling, I'll be the best wife a man ever had.

I Know you will.

We're going to have a nice, normal, happy life together and no more:

No, no. I promise.

It's not gonna be easy.

It's tough enough being married to an advertising man if you're normal, but--

I mean, you're going to have to learn to be a suburban housewife.

I'll learn, you'll see. I'll learn. Now, you'll have to learn to cook,

keep house, mm-hm.

And go to my mother's house for dinner every Friday night.

Darling, it sounds wonderful.

And soon we'll be a normal, happy couple with no problems,

just like everybody else.

And then my mother can come and visit for a while and--

oh, Well, maybe we better work up to that gradually.

Oh, I'll try. I promise I'll try.

Phew. I'm glad that's settled.

Let's drink to it. An old-fashioned?

With a cherry on top. I'll make it myself.

All by yourself.

We'll work it out somehow.

So my wife's a witch.

Every married man has to make some adjustment.

Oh, miss summers, I'm afraid Mr. Stephens is tied up--

oh, now, don't give it a thought, Helen. I Know he'll be glad to see me. I'll just dash in for a moment.

Darrin.

Sheila.

Oh, darling, I just got back from Nassau yesterday,

and I've been trying to reach you. I left a message with your secretary,

and when I didn't hear from you, I decided to invade your office.

Why didn't you call me? Well, Sheila...

You see...

I just got back...

I was--

I'm married. Oh, I Know, dear. Congratulations.

Now, I Know you've got every reason...

You don't care? Oh, sweetheart. Care?

Of course I care. After all, if I hadn't left for Nassau when I did,

it might've been me. But no hard feelings, you see.

Oh, Darrin, I couldn't be happier for you. And i'm sure she's an angel.

I just stopped by to ask the two of you to drop over tonight,

if you hadn't any other plans.

A few of the gang are coming over for potluck and...

Well, I realize it's rather short notice. Nothing fancy. Very relaxed.

Sitting-on-the-floor kind of thing.

Well, that's very nice of you, Sheila.

But I Don't know. It may be too soon to spring a whole new set of people on her.

She's not used to-- too soon?

Don't be silly, Darrin. We're your friends. We're dying to meet her.

Unless, of course, you feel uncomfortable.

Me? Well, of course not.

Fine. Then it's all set, 7:30 tonight. I've gotta dash. See you later.

Boy, some fancy-looking place. Darrin, are you sure I'm dressed all right?

Darling, of course you are. Sheila said it was potluck,

very relaxed, sitting-on-the-floor kind of stuff.

Oh.

Darrin, darling. Sheila.

Is this your little bride?

How do you do? Oh, why, Darrin, she's sweet.

Maybe I should've dressed-- oh, not at all, dear, you look sweet.

John, would you take Mrs. Stephens'...?

Sweater.

I can tell you're the type who always dresses So sensibly.

You know, the capable type. Oh, Darrin, I bet she's good at typing,

cooking, taking care of the household accounts and playing golf.

You know, all those things poor little me can't do at all.

Pity.

Won't you come in and meet my friends?

Folks, I'd like you to meet Darrin's little bride.

You must bring Samantha down to the club.

Are you all right, dear? Oh, yes. Yes, fine, thank you.

Now, don't worry about Samantha, Darrin. We're all going to help her.

Everybody, I said that since Samantha is a stranger here,

that we're all going to help her and make her feel at home.

Now, first, dear, we've got to get you a good dressmaker.

Oh, but I Don't need-- and then we'll introduce you to Pierre.

He does wonders with hard-to-manage hair.

Haven't we met somewhere before?

No, no, I Don't think-- Newport.

No. The riviera.

No. Speaking of travelling,

remember, Darrin, that time we met in Paris

and you said when I sent you a telegram...?

Darrin, only last night at dinner, Harry was telling me

that you were the brightest young prospect in the agency business.

Real Madison Avenue know-how.

Sheila always looks So beautiful, never a hair out of place.

A wonderful girl.

Nothing she can't do. You know, she owns her own plane.

Oh?

Do you fly? Oh, yes.

Do you know Dr. Hafter, dear? Samantha?

Beg your pardon? Dr. Hafter. Do you know him?

No. The plastic surgeon.

Does beautiful nose work.

No, I Don't know him.

Funny, I could have sworn you...

I won't do it.

Darrin, do you remember that delightful time

we had with the contessa at Maxim's? I won't.

Anyway, last I heard they were involved in the most delicious scandal.

Maybe I will.

Oh, and the tennis matches start in easthampton this Saturday--

I thought we could get the same group we had last year--

my house is open. And, you know, we could have--

--weekend of it. Wouldn't that be divine?

We'd So like to have you and Samantha over for dinner next week.

If Tuesday's good, Harry's invited Mr. Donahue.

Samantha and I would be glad to come to dinner.

Thank you, Mrs. Rutherford-- remember how cosy it was

sitting by the fire, Darrin? How the others...

Slipped away and went out without our noticing?

It was beyond me.

Wait till you see the sports car I had sent over from Europe. It's simply gorgeous.

Reminds me of the one we looked at in California.

Oh, by the way, Gregor is in town, So don't plan to be home early for dinner Wednesday night.

He's having in a few close friends to show his new paintings

and you must come. Show me what to buy.

I'll pick you up at the office at--

at 6.

My zipper.

- What are you doing? - I Don't know.

I thought I was carrying an empty tray.

Excuse me.

Her bracelet. Sheila!

Here, here. Let me help you.

The soup really is delicious. As soon as Sheila gets down, I must get the recipe.

It's good. It really is.

Sam, I'm not saying you were entirely wrong.

Sheila had it coming, but you went a little far.

For a while there it was hard to tell which witch was which.

Sam. Just a little play on words.

I'm only trying to say that you broke your promise.

You gave me your word, no more... Stuff.

It's a little harder to break the habit than I thought.

Well, you can do it. I've got a lot of faith in you.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Well, it's bedtime.

Mm-hm.

I've just got to get this kitchen cleaned up.

Tomorrow. That's what you said last night.

Yeah. Well...

Don't take too long.

Oh, Well.

Maybe I can taper off.